22

Grow From Your Challenges

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Challenge overcomeEverybody has problems of one kind or another. First, we need to define the issue because a problem only exists if you believe it is a problem. I prefer the more accurate evaluation of these situations, calling it a challenge. That is a word that more aptly describes the situations we experience.   The very definition of a problem is negative, “a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome.” Whereas the definition of a challenge is best defined as “a task or situation that tests someone’s abilities.”  Let’s face it, these situations arise in life all the time, and whether you welcome them or not, they give you a chance to test your abilities and improve. It is a matter of perspective, but it isn’t everything. Stuff is going to happen in life. It is your choice if you grow from it or get through it. I am choosing to rise from the challenges I face—five steps for handling any challenge you face today.

What is Great about This Challenge?

You tend to look at what you don’t want with a problem. Facing a challenge, there is an opportunity to look at a situation more positively. Asking yourself what is great about a situation will inevitably lead you to challenge overcomeanswer. Challenges allow us to grow and learn. So when you are faced with a situation, rather than look at it as an unwanted visitor, treat it as a welcomed guest. Some challenges are covered in sadness, and some are depressing, but there can be positive results. Even in a sad situation of loss, there is something that can allow you to grow as a person. It is up to you to find it. It is a matter of perspective. The situation is what it is. You can learn from it or run from it. Listing significant or positive about a challenge gives you a positive focus and an ability to achieve.

What is not perfect yet?

When evaluating a challenge, it is essential to know how you would like to see it resolved. Some situations can’t be changed, but given the challenges’ realities, decide what is not perfect. By answering this question, you can develop a plan of action to start to bring those things that are not perfect in your perspective into reality. Since nothing is perfect, there is always work to be done.

What Am I Willing To Do To Make This Challenge something I want?

There are going to be actions that we can take every day to face challenges in life. What you are willing to do is a statement of the priority a challenge holds for you. If you have a high level of motivation to resolve a problem, it shows your dedication to learning and being your best self. We all must be willing to understand that we are always a work in progress. Every person can get better, think better, live better, and be a better person. You can dictate exactly what you hope to get from any challenge you face. Since growth results from facing challenges, be willing to step into your growth.

What am I No Longer Willing To Do To Make This Challenge something I want?

As priorities are developed, we notice that we are no longer willing to do to make a challenge what you want. There is only one direction you can move in life, and some challenges will not give you anything of value. Some you can’t choose to experience, but other challenges you can leave and walk away from. Your actions and willingness to behave will show you which of your challenges.

How Can I Enjoy the Process While I Do What is necessary to make the Experience What I want?

All experiences can bring joy or suffering; our perspective on them is a choice. Asking yourself what you can do to enjoy an experience will challengesautomatically get those answers into your head. These positive thoughts will lead to more positive reviews. Then you have to choose to take action and enjoy what you are doing. Challenges will come, and we will have to face them one way or another.

Following this process of challenging questions will give you a different perspective on the things we face in life. Since we will live life and continually face one challenge, it makes sense to develop a system that will allow you to enjoy the ride as much as possible. Or you can choose to be miserable.   Answering these questions honestly to yourself could be the path to getting the most out of the challenges you face. The choice is always up to you.

“If you expect life to be easy, challenges will seem difficult. If you accept that challenges may occur, life will be easier.”-Rob Liano.

“Some people will just go with the flow of things and sway in life, while others will fight against the currents and go upstream to reach their destiny.”-Anthony Liccione.

“Others can stop you temporarily — you are the only one who can do it permanently. “- Zig Ziglar.

 

22

The Barriers We Build

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Life should be about the people and the things you love. As a child, I understood this. Life was about doing the things I enjoyed doing with the people who made me feel good about myself. The activities I took part in resulted in fond memories. I thought everything and everyone was put here for my benefit and to add joy to my life because that is what they did. Then life started to weave its web of experience on me. Things don’t always go exactly as you plan; sometimes, you experience failure and have to start over or readjust your sails. Sometimes people don’t do the things you feel are in your best interest, and challenging moments teach us. These lessons are needed to become the best person you can be, but a part of your heart gets wounded when you attach it to an outcome that doesn’t happen. This is suffering, and life is full of it.

These wounds hurt, and subconsciously we want to avoid them again. We do this by building a “barrier” around our hearts. Call it a wall, a prison, or whatever metaphor you choose, but the goal is to protect ourselves from pain. That is the experience of my life. I am here to warn you, don’t do it. Each barrier we create is a limit on us, not protection. I have learned the hard way the truth of this.

Crush

The number one desire of all people is to be loved and accepted for exactly who we are. My life has been a search for that kind of experience. Sometimes I have thought I had found it, only to find it was not meant to be. Early on, the fear of this pain started me building a wall around my heart to protect it from these experiences. There are two choices when you have been hurt, retreat and withdraw from the chance you might be broken. Or be brave enough to put yourself back out there to see what will happen again.

If you don’t play the game, you can never win. Being hurt is not desirable; it takes time to heal after each failed attempt. I have certainly felt like giving up on finding a relationship that works. We start to think we are broken beyond repair.   But then you realize that life is a game that is played to its conclusion, which doesn’t happen until the end. I have built a wall stone by stone only to realize that walls don’t protect. They isolate. Isolation is no way to live your life. It is very safe but not very rewarding. It is time to break down the wall. You will be confined by the very things you built to keep you protected. Breaking chains is what true freedom is all about.

Laying Yourself On the Line

There is only one way for your heart to experience the things it needs, and that is to let it be free and allow it to be vulnerable. Even though many people can hurt you, there are more who will not, and they will never walk through your door if you don’t open it for them. The barriers we build to protect ourselves are just self-made prisons, and being a prisoner to the fear you might get hurt is no positive way to exist. You are suspended in time and space with no chance to love or to b loved.

Let your heart go free and see what happens. At some point in your experience, you will have to stay unhappy, full of regret, anger, or fear, or let your best attributes rise and share them. Through this effort, you will find fulfillment and joy in life. The decision to allow the barriers to fall and be open is the most challenging and scary decision you will ever make. The alternative is to live no life at all and be isolated. This choice is yours. Build your wall higher, or let it fall entirely. Just one of the many choices we make every day. They will all define you and lead to your experiences in each moment. You are responsible for your life choices and the walls you allow to be constructed around yourself or those you raze to the ground. You alone.

“There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we erect.” – Ronald Reagan.

“We should be breaking down barriers, not building walls.” -said Ted Cruz.

“Let us tear down the walls of our hearts to tear down the walls of concrete.”

“Do not judge your day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant.”– Robert Louis Stevenson

 

22

Nothing Gold Can Stay

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If We Could Only Freeze our lives on Warm and Wonderful Moments. ….

We all have moments in life we wish would never end and go on forever. It is a time of happiness and joy that resonates with our souls so much that we continually return to visit that memory to remember what life can be like when it is good. These visits are precious when times get hard, and the good things are not so easy to see. Then you start to wonder, why isn’t life always a decisive moment? Well, unfortunately, in my experience, that is not the way it works. My life makes me look back sometimes. There are so many moments I wish I could have frozen time and live in them forever. Unfortunately, days, moments, seasons, and relationships end and turn into another thing. Understanding the value of moments and accepting them for what they are is one of the life skills we should all strive to perfect. But still, there are moments I wish I could freeze and live in forever.

Stars, the moon, and Clouds

There is nothing like the incredible power of nature to accentuate a moment or create a positive memory. I know some of my frozen moments involve the times I have been able to look at the tremendous power of nature with someone else. I think the moments punctuated my overall feeling of well-being with these people at the time. But when I think back on the moments in

You captured me on the moon but then abandoned me there……

my life, I would like to live in, experience, and be again. They involve these things. A night when the sky of stars enveloped me and made me feel like a part of the universe with someone else. To remember the stars and how they felt is to touch that memory but only for an instant, and it never brings the power of the experience back.

These moments exist not to haunt you but to provide you with the hope of tomorrow and remind you of the gifts life can bring you every moment if you take the time to look. If I were a great artist, I would paint an image of a sunny day in my youth, running through life with the purpose of enjoyment only kids can feel. Or to see the moon reflecting across the water as clearly as the love I felt for that particular person I shared with that moment. Our lives are collections of these events stored in our brains to help us remember that life can be helpful. They idealize these moments if fuel for you to persevere.

The real trick is to know when these moments are happening in the present moment. Grab them and hold them as best you can for as long as they last. Then as they disappear through your fingers like sand, be grateful.

Champions

Few things make us feel our value as when someone else thinks enough of us to be a champion for us. I know it takes a sense of selflessness to put the well-being of another before your own. It has been rare for me because I am an independent thinker and doer, and I want to believe I don’t need the help of anyone to do anything. The truth is that we all need other people in our lives for many different reasons. When someone cares about you enough to put your life in front of their own, you should always appreciate it.

I have often wanted to be the champion for someone else and help them win the day, achieve the goal and become the best they can be. Even when the effort is not appreciated or also wanted. I can’t help it when I care about someone to want to be their champion somehow. To help them, move them, and encourage them to be the best version of themselves, even when they can’t see it in themselves. Then I  look at myself and my misperceptions, mistakes, and needs and know I need a champion too. Perhaps we all need someone to be that person for us at some point if we can avoid missing the moment or driving them all away.

Hard Truths Of Life

There are also some fundamental facts about life that make me want to cling to the good times and people I have experienced during my journey. They are essential because these ideas are, on the surface, not very hopeful but inevitable in life. Each truth is seemingly not positive, but to accept them is to value the moments and times we experience on the journey. We will all get old, we will eventually become sick, we will die, and all of our valuable relationships will end eventually.

Each of these truths about life could have a book written about them, but being aware of the fleeting reality of things should push you to appreciate all the small and beautiful moments in life you are lucky enough to experience. Each time you are happy in something you are doing and find enjoyment in the company of another, appreciate it. Be grateful. Hold onto it for as long as you can. All things will inevitably slip away and move on into the either memory and will not be able to be felt again. These truths make all things unique. Often the value of something is determined by its scarcity, and memorable moments shared and experienced are the most valuable of this life.

Take Time

For just a moment today, drop out of your “normal” pattern of thought and spend a bit of time being grateful for the moments you have had and shared along the journey so far. Keep an open mind and eye for the new moments of life you could be having today. Seek the people and things that will touch your soul and bring you closer to the life your soul is seeking. Put aside petty jealousy, envy, judgment, and anger because they won’t be what you remember at the end of things. It will be those starry nights, sun-kissed days, and special times spent with someone you love. Love yourself and your apparent faults, and they are yours. Embrace it all because life is a collection of fleeting moments you wish could be frozen in time.

“I always loved the idea that a photograph was a memory frozen in time.” Ed Gass-Donnelly 

“Hold fast to dreams For when dreams go. Life is a barren field Frozen with snow.” -Langston Hughes

“Learn to enjoy the simple pleasures of life together, and life is a continually enjoyable experience.” -J.D.H.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

 

22

Finding My Creativity

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creativityCreativity, to me, used to be a word I thought only applied to what others could do. I  never felt that I was much of an artist or a craftsman at anything at all. My art was ridiculous. My writing was atrocious, and anything else I tried to make was a mockery of anything called perfection. With this attitude, I started this journey of creation — shortening the space between myself and the world.

That is what it has been about for me. To find my place in the world and to interject my thoughts out to the world. My creation of ideas of what makes me understand myself and maybe find my place in the world. Creativity started for me as something to do but has become my identity. If you read my writing, you will know everything about my philosophy, ideas, and personal growth. You have to pay attention and listen to what I say. Some see the surface of my thought, the thin veneer of understanding. Look underneath, and you will find the truth. No One ever has.

Call of Creativity

For many years I didn’t create much of anything. I was only very rarely artistic, and I did it mockingly. I would mock what I made, lest anyone think I tried, and ridicule my creations first. Suddenly life started putting me into situations where I had to create all the time. Writing, graphic design, and newspaper layouts all needed to be thought out and organized. It was a nice feeling to see the well of potential that existed inside of me. Where did it come from? Where could it go?

There is something sensationally beautiful about looking at a thing that never existed before until it came out of your mind and into existence. It could be a catchy slogan or a graphic design, a story you wrote, or a thought you captured and wrote down for the world to read. I still get the same feeling of awe today when I write something new — creating a short little blurb about a thought I have evolved in my mind. When something wasn’t there before, now it is, only because you tapped into your talent. These things make life great.

Being Creative

art and stuffBeing creative is the most life-affirming thing there is on the planet. It doesn’t matter what you make or how you do it; it is still fascinating. I find myself in admiration of other creations all the time. Even if it isn’t anything, I know anything about. Some people create DIY projects that are amazingly clever. Others bake delicious foods. Neither of these things I would want to do, but I appreciate the creativity and passion the authors display in their quest to create well.

When you look at someone’s art, you see their true self. Again it shines through in the colors, the lines, the tone, and overall presentation. You have to look under the surface to see the joy, sorrow, kindness, worry, or whatever emotions are brewing in a person’s life. I have known strangers through their writing better than some people I have known all my life. Try it sometime, look at what someone creates, and see the story behind it.

Creativity Soothes and Heals

healsYou don’t have to look very far to see all of the healing that creativity provides. I read many writings that people create to help them process a crisis they have gone through or are experiencing today. A loss, a defeat, a wrong suffered, all of these produce pain and emotions, and creativity allows them to express these frustrations and to deal with them in a way that builds the individual up after a challenging circumstance rather than let whatever happened to the win.

When your soul needs to speak, it does it through the language of creativity in music, art, or writing. Whatever the medium or method of your heart may be, that is the language it speaks. You were hurt, disappointed, sad, devastated, joyous, triumphant, or experiencing any other emotion. I remember watching a play and seeing the connection between the joint creativity of the work’s writing and the actors’ creative display. It provides the magic, and that magic lives inside of each of us.

Why I Create

i create coloredCreativity crept up on me, and I had no choice as I started to realize how powerful a substance it is. Whether it is a graphic, a story, a thought, a blog post, a poorly drawn picture, or anything else, creating things has become an expression of my soul. I speak loudly, wondering if anyone can hear and to be ready to listen to their returning call. Yes, I see your humanity. I am here too.

I feel like I don’t have a choice now, that if I don’t build something or construct it somehow, I am going to cease to exist, or my voice, as frail as it may be, will be snuffed out before what I have to say has been heard by anyone. I try to speak every day to get it all out for the world.

There are people with great talent and people with great passion, and I applaud them all, but I find it hard to believe that anyone can get the joy out of merely creating that I feel in my soul when I write from the heart. Like walking through freshly fallen snow or making footprints on a once unmarked beach of sand, it is like you are the first to think of those things and put them on paper.

Your Turn Now

If you have read this far, then it is now your turn. I challenge you to create in your life. It doesn’t matter what it is. Draw if that is what you do. Cook and bake if that is how your essence displays to the world. Every soul has the power to create something that can only come from you, so find it, build it, and release it to the world. It is your duty to yourself.

“Every child is an artist, the problem is staying an artist when you grow up” – Pablo Picasso.

“If you hear a voice within you say, ‘You cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced” – Vincent Van Gogh.

“Have no fear of perfection, and you’ll never reach it” – Salvador Dali.

“Curiosity about life in all of its aspects, I think, is still the secret of great creative people” – Leo Burnett.

“Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will find what you imagine, and at last, you create what you will” – George Bernard Shaw.

“Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try” – Dr. Seuss.

 

22

Ask The Right Questions

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questions One of the most valuable skills a person can develop is asking questions to clarify any situation. Often life brings situations designed to teach us something, and the right questions can get that valuable knowledge to the surface. The right question can change your focus, target your awareness, and get answers. In short, questions bring our thoughts into focus and bring us growth.

Questions Make Sense of Things

Questions can help make sense of things. By questioning a person’s motives or why an event affected us the way it did, we can start to find answers. How many times have we had an experience that was less than pleasant. A loss, a death, an questions 2accident, or something else that, on the surface, is a negative experience. And that could be all it is, but when you ask the right question, you know for sure. What is good about this situation that I don’t see at first? What are the benefits that I can’t see right now? How can my life benefit from this situation?

This is not trying to diminish the trauma and pain life brings you. How can the death and loss of a loved one possibly be good? All things have the possibility for good in some way. Perhaps you will appreciate those loved ones still in your life. Maybe you will take the time to let those still living to know that you care about how you feel. The relationships in your life may become more precious to you. Your experience may become more loving, rich, and deep because you looked honestly at the benefits of a loss.

Steer Clear of Self Pity

A question will change the focus of your consciousness in whatever direction your questions lead you. So if you are wallowing in self-pity with questions like ”

Questions_To_-Ask

Why me?” or “How can this keep happening to me?” then those answers will be what you find. Self-pity is a damaging exercise that will not provide comfort or personal growth.

Focusing on positive questions and away from self-pity will allow you to maintain or develop your best. All experiences have some value. Even though the value is sometimes hidden, questions release these thoughts and allow for a real examination of a situation. All experiences have some value hidden in them, and asking a question and thinking about the answer will get you a solution at the worst, show the positive aspects of an experience, and, at best, enlighten you about the possibilities of life.

Maintain an Open Mind

The ability to ask, answer, and accept the information the right questions ask is the definition of having an open mind. It is easy to look at things from the short-sighted perception of your day-to-day existence. What benefits could come from this? Even though this isn’t nice to experience, what could come from good, positive, or even pleasurable? Once you open your mind to these possibilities, they can show up in your life. They have been there all along, but recognizing them allows you to understand them and enjoy their benefits in your life.

Questions Eliminate Resistant Thoughts

A good question will not only push your focus toward the desired knowledge or information. It will also empowering questionseliminate the ideas, thoughts, and preconceptions that are resistant or irrelevant to the challenge.
“What can I learn from this challenge so this never happens again?”  At the same time, a question can make all of your resources apparent to us.

Developing a consistent practice of asking real and relevant questions will allow us to meet challenges, focus our attention on solutions, and move past irrelevant information. This will more than likely make your life a bit more of an enjoyable experience.

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22

Managing Your Soul

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Feelings and emotions are a huge part of the human experience. How well we learn to manage our souls will determine how well we live and what we can create in our lives, yet, we have created a system of education that teaches all people who participate in the basics of math, science, reading, and writing, etc.

We are not teaching how to deal with our emotions and what they mean in our lives as our thoughts run through our minds and bring with them connected emotions. Anger, love, sadness, joy, happiness, disappointment, or any other emotion you experience will be a part of life at some point. As a society, we ignore our feelings and assume they will pass on their own. Emotions are the messages we have from our soul, telling us what it needs. Listen.

Call To Action

It has been my experience; trying to live your life with as little emotion as possible is easier. I would try to keep myself in situations where I could control the emotional needs I might have and never allow my feelings to become too much for me. Doing this kept people at a distance and never let anyone into my life in a way where they could harm me. Unfortunately, I found this sort of life was not very satisfying in the long run, and denying the opportunity to develop emotions causes harm to you as well.

Each of us is made of three parts, 1. body, 2. mind, and 3. spirit. It is number 3 we are concerned with here because just as your body loves to exercise and your brain likes to learn and develop thought, your soul also yearns for new experiences and growth. If you deny it through a perceived pattern of control, your soul will see things change and give you a chance to grow. That has meant I have been thrust into situations I feel inadequate to handle emotionally. This call to action has been a painful way to learn, and it has been effective.

How to Listen

It is easy to let your thoughts carry you away. They roll through your mind, this way and that. Feelings are deceiving, though. They are confusing and contradictory. We get confused, overthink things, and listen to many of the same ideas repeatedly. It is like a recording playing on a continuous loop. Our soul and emotional language are much more subtle and difficult to hear and understand. I hope as I practice thinking, I can master the process. The trick is to see past your mind and realize it is a powerful tool you can use, but it isn’t you, and it isn’t who you are.

Look into yourself, and you will see something deeper existing there. Something on the inside you have known is there but has ignored. This entity is your soul, and it is the force inside you uniquely you and allows your song to enter the world. Astonishingly, we don’t work harder to enable and help more people find this part of themselves. We live in a society trying to provide cookie-cutter lives to wildly creative souls. No wonder many people feel they don’t fit in and have to turn to any vice they can find to feel good. We use drugs, food, sex, shopping, alcohol, or anything else to bring a little feeling of “good” into our lives. The joke is there is a well of powerful emotions lying just below the surface of our lives, and with the direction, I think it can come out helpfully and creatively.

Fear is the Thing

The villain in life is always going to be fear. It is fear that stops us from trying to be celebrated in anything we attempt. Fear of failure. Fear of what someone else may think. Fear of success. Fear of being alone. Fear of death. Fear of being hurt. Fear of looking weak. There are a lot of ways to experience anxiety. Everyone must deal with stress continually throughout life, no matter what they do. If you conquer your old fears, new ones will come into your life and bring a new direction to your life. So it would make sense to understand where fear comes from and how you can manage it because it is the positive management of fear that will determine how successful you will be.

Fear will not harm you. It never does. Danger can harm you; being aware of that danger is a proper survival technique. But fear is just a thought in your mind, which has as much power as you give it with your thoughts and behaviors. Recognize and be honest about the fear in your life and how it is limiting you. The cure for all anxiety is action. Even though things will not always happen as you plan or would like them to be, they do work out. Once you know the answer, there is nothing left to fear in that situation. Take action and overcome the feelings of fear. Life will continually provide you with opportunities to do just that.

Embrace Your Emotions

This advice is complex for me to follow because I have had such a rocky relationship with my own emotions. But repressing them because of perceived weakness is a stop-gap and, at worst, a detriment to allowing the best version of yourself to come forward. I am trying not to look at my emotions as anything negative. They are not a sign of weakness or a detriment to accomplishment. They are a part of the human experience, which are valuable communications from your soul telling you what you need in life and how close your current actions and decisions are moving you toward the place you should be.

Take some time today to understand what your emotions are guiding you to do. This path can appear through finding a way to still the mind and let your inner voice rise through the veil of emotions you feel. One great way to do this is to immerse yourself in an activity of creativity. Drawing, painting, carving, writing, or whatever creative outlet consumes you will allow you to occupy your conscious mind and bring your subliminal messages to rise to the surface. It is in these messages your guidance will come to you. Meditation is another practice that our society has a well-established fear of experiencing. It is merely a way to calm your mind and allow you to hear the messages of your heart. That is all it is. Anyone against it is operating from a platform of ignorance or fear. Don’t be ignorant or fearful, and give meditation of some sort a try.

Start to practice ways to listen to your emotions and follow the guidance they are giving you. Move away from the messages of your mind and see the path that was always there in your soul.

“The living soul of man, once conscious of its power, cannot be quelled.” –Horace Mann

“A beautiful woman delights the eye; a wise woman, the understanding; a pure one, the soul.” —Minna Antrim

“The free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it – basically because you feel good, very good when you are near or with them.” —Charles Bukowski

“Go to the people and the places that set a spark in your soul.” —Anonymous

“If only our eyes saw souls instead of bodies, how different our ideals of beauty would be.”

“Beauty attracts heart, but character attracts the soul.” –Sindhu Vishnu

“Always trust your instincts; they are messages from your soul; they are that inner part of you That strives to make you whole.” — Anonymous

“Love is the beauty of the soul.” —Saint Augustine

“Follow your soul. It knows the way.” —- Anonymous

“Whatever’s good for your soul, do that.” —-Anonymous

 

22

Trust The Process

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What is the difference between living and existing?

quotes-about-life

When you look back on your life, will you remember the times you decided not to try and stretch yourself and accepted what life had given you?

Or will you think back on the moments where you gave it your best effort and either exceeded all expectations or failed miserably?

  Either way, you were fully engaged in the process of finding what you were made of. I believe that much of the difference between living and just existing stems from this search to measure ourselves.

What Am I Made Of

challenge yourselfMost people never push themselves past the level that they have to. If everything was just handed to a person, they have no appreciation for what they have and soon lose it.

Or, at the very least, turn it into something unhappy and undesirable. In most people, there is a drive to find out what we are made of. How much lies beneath the surface? Am I the greatest? or Am I just a weak comparison for talent?

All of these questions quite naturally come to our minds. If you have everything you need and do not feel the need to test yourself, I believe that is part of existing. To live, an awareness and appreciation come to a person when they see the connections between themselves and the rest of the world and try to show them through their art or actions. That is when you are living.

Living in The Moment

Budda-Quotes-1-440x440It is still difficult to explain and experience for me, but life makes sense when I can get into the moment I exist. Food tastes better, happiness is more profound, and awareness of the world around me is at an apex. Sometimes I daydream and push myself back into the moment and wonder why it is a constant struggle to get there.

If you don’t know what I mean by living in the moment, then you have never had much exciting happening in your life, and it is simply appreciating all the sensations that are happening around you all the time.

 Seeing a broader scope of life usually comes from looking at the world outside of yourself. When you worry about the future or entertain regrets about the past, you live in a fantasy world that does not benefit you today.

The past is gone and can’t come back again; tomorrow may never come. All you have is the moment right now. When you enjoy that moment, you will see what I mean. All of the experiences of life are there for you. This, I believe, is living rather than just existing.

Love Not Fear

love-over-fearThere are two sides to the coin here love and fear. They are opposite but close together; if you are not careful, one can turn into the other. When you are living, you are experiencing feelings of love. Happiness, kindness, acceptance, or forgiveness come from this emotion. If you are constantly living, it is a fear that has infiltrated your life.

When you are afraid of being hurt, in one way or another, there is no way to live in the moment, or at least it is difficult because, in reality, you would rather be anywhere else than worry about being hurt. Often, what we fear doesn’t even exist, and it is just a possibility.

This usually stems from some self-created thoughts surrounding make-believe circumstances where who or what we love is taken away from us. These fears can manifest into pretty powerful things if you are not careful. The concern we create works to take us out of the moment and away from living the life we are capable of living, leaving us with the ability to exist in fear.   When it comes to a choice between love and fear, choose to love.

 I believe that it is much better to live than to exist, and we can choose how we experience our lives by what we focus our attention on.

What do you think is the difference between living and existing?

22

Your Dark Gift

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box of darkness “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness, and it took me years to understand that this was a gift.”― Mary Oliver.

All experiences in life are an opportunity for growth and learning. The person you are today has been built brick by brick from the things you have gone through, both good and bad. Those things that were not so enjoyable or were extremely painful are often considered darkness, and the darkness that comes into our lives can be challenging to get rid of even many years later. Unfortunately, as we are going through these dark times, there is no natural way to gauge the benefits of coming down the road, but that doesn’t make the value any less tangible. What makes a situation dark? Is it something that another has done to us? Or is it our weakness and inability to say goodbye and move on?

Darkness Teaches Lessons

Love is a challenging game, and most of us start playing at a very young age. As we try to figure out the protocol rules, we are living our lives. Love brings extreme bursts of hormones and emotions that bce9d7147ee2eb2c5daaf2f4200af93bcause us to bond; eventually, those bonds become part of us. W en they are broken or taken away, it can be excruciating. T e dark box is the ending of a relationship and the pain that arrives in your life with it. There is sage advice that time will heal all wounds, and that is true, but the scars will remain and lessons learned last.

These lessons become the legacy of your experience, and in the end, after you have hurt, cried, and healed, there is the experience, and either consciously or subconsciously or both, you are going to use that experience as a guide for future decisions in affairs of the heart. You will make future decisions out of love if the lesson is positive. I  you choose to be bitter and feel sorry for yourself and be afraid of being hurt, problems will arise in all the relationships you try to engage in.

How many people suffer this way, unable to establish a relationship today because of the past pain and not wanting to go through it again? To use the darkness as a gift is to open your heart and be aware that it can be broken, but use the past lessons to take more intelligent risks. But take risks, live your life, and love. Let the darkness be a guide to what you want in life.

Darkness Exposes Light

The dark box is a gift because it is easier to see the light when you have dark. I stand out, and you can recognize the difference. F om the darkness in that box, we can learn to experience the light of life image14with more zeal and enjoyment. W en you are in the moment of love, enjoy it. I  may last forever, or it may end tomorrow. There is no guarantee. Be mindful of the moment and make that time the best it can be.

Wisdom isn’t gained by having a perfect life and making sound decisions. It is usually built through the painful teachings of bad decisions and questionable choices. It doesn’t come easy because easy experiences are quickly forgotten. Painful lessons last a lifetime. Evaluating a dark time and coming away with a plus is the beginning of wisdom. Applying that lesson to future endeavors is putting it into action and making that knowledge a part of your life.

Take your box of dark and explore it all. S e it for what it is, a broken heart, a broken promise, a significant loss. T y not to see it as a personal condemnation of you or punishment but as a valuable tool to help transcend your life. T  gift is that you may ultimately learn how to live totally in the light led by the dark that you have experienced.

Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift. ~Mary Oliver

The Dark gifts I have been given have left me thinking my light will go out forever. But when I look at my life now………..

 

22

Don’t Make Excuses

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One of the lessons we learn early on in life is how to make an excuse for something. We can find the most plausible excuse to justify poor behavior, poor performance, or even unethical actions. Learning to make excuses at the moment seems like a way to justify ourselves and our behavior to the world. It means that we are OK. We would have done whatever was expected if the excuse didn’t happen. Excuses are the first step in building a victim’s mentality toward life. You are not in charge; you are in reaction to whatever you face. This choice is a state of mind and will go a long way in determining the success you experience in finances, relationships, or any other area of your life. Learn not to accept a plausible excuse and accept responsibility for your situation. When you do this, you have the power to change things and create what you want in your life.

Responsibility Is Mandatory

There is always a choice when something happens to either make an excuse or accept responsibility for the situation. Accept responsibility for the situation. Making an excuse states to the world takes away all of your power and gives it to whatever excuse we are using. Even if there is a good reason for something, accept responsibility. This attitude puts all the power in your hands and will lead you to take manageable actions to counteract, correct, or rectify the challenge.

We learn early in life to find the plausible excuses that people will accept without question. An illness, a death in the family, the dog ate my homework, or whatever worked. Once you accept this victim mentality, you will start to use it more and more. Excuses seem like an easy option on the surface, but they are not. Each reason we use weakens us a bit, to ourselves and everyone we deal with. One excuse will lead to another and another, and soon you are a powerless victim for all of your life. Look at your life; at work, you find a weakness in a society where you look for excuses. Where you accept responsibility, there is a strength.

Take Manageable Actions Every Day

That strength comes in the form of manageable actions. These are steps available to you every day. Rather than making excuses, you accept responsibility for where you are on this day. That responsibility gives you a chance to take any action to change whatever you are facing and turn the day into more of what you want it to be. There is always something you can do to help alleviate suffering in the simplest terms.

The sooner you decide to take responsibility and manageable actions toward correcting the situation, the better you will handle it. An example would be running out of money, rather than waiting until you have no money left, taking a manageable action, and finding another income stream to help you make ends meet. Rather than blame the economy, a job you were fired from, the world in general, or anything else, accept responsibility for your predicament and find a way out.

Take Control and Ditch the Excuses Permanently

So it will be up to you in the end if you choose to allow excuses to rule your life or if you are going to accept responsibility for where you are and what you do, no matter what, and take action toward meeting the challenges you face. Taking action is claiming power in your life. Making excuses is giving your power away to whatever you give your excuses to. At the end of it all, nobody but you is responsible for your situation, which is reassuring. Taking action is your power of change, and there is always some action you can take. You may not like it, but you can make your life whatever you would like it to be.

“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.” ― Anne Frank.

“The man who passes sentence should swing the sword. If you would take a man’s life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. And if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps the man does not deserve to die.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones.

“In the long run, we shape our lives and ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt.

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” ― Theodore Roosevelt

 

22

Integrity and Action

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thoughts and actionsThe actions we decide to dictate our lives at every moment. I will point out the critical part of that sentence; they are things that YOU DECIDE to complete. Taking actions, or lack thereof, creates our lives’ reality, and nothing will show the world more about one’s natural character. Over time, your consistent actions will more accurately describe your morals and character than anything else. Your actions tell the world what you want in your life.

Taking action always speaks much louder than words. You can decide if your efforts are for selfish gain alone or if there is hope for the well-being of others and yourself in your life. To fully understand a person’s motives, I hear their words but listen to their actions because it is what a person does that the truth lies.

Your Actions Speak for Themselves

taking actionWhen you meet someone new, it can be difficult to tell what type of person they are simply listening to their words. However, observe their actions, and you will know all you can think about them. People may say they value other people and their feelings, but if they are rude or demeaning to others, they do not. They may seem helpful in their words, but if their actions judge others, spread rumors about other people, or are plain mean, they are not pleasant. Trust your eyes.

Actions are the accurate lie detectors of life. It is impossible to fake your actions forever. You can affect it for a short time, but keep observing a person’s activities, and you will see their true selves. Watch others, and then watch yourself and see what the actions you follow tell you about the person found. If you can look without bias at your actions, you will see your message to the world. Is it the message you want to represent you?

Make Your Actions Count

taking actionOur actions will speak for us, not only to those around us, but to get what we want in life. It is one thing to say I want to be successful, but another to take the steps and perform the tasks that will get you to that goal. Nothing will happen by magic unless you count the magic that does come from taking simple actions toward reaching your goal.

What is stopping you from taking a step? Failure? Failing is in the eyes of the beholder and depends on how you evaluate your experience. Sometimes things don’t go as planned, but the lessons we learn from the action allow us to find the secret to completing that goal and doing it uniquely. When you make a demand on the Universe with your activities, there will be a response, and it will most likely lead you where you want to go.

Finally, to defeat fear, there is no better remedy than action. Fear is just a thought in your head that gains momentum as you worry about it. It is usually not a real danger that you are in but a fear of uncertainty. It may be coming in the future, but it will likely not. The action tells the story of your ideas. Are they valid, or are they foolish? Only the test of deeds will show this.

Your dreams are there on the other side of fear. Trust your faith; it will all work out for the best.

“Do you want to know who you are? Don’t ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.” ―Thomas Jefferson.

“An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied.” ―Arnold Glasow.

“People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do.” ―Lewis Cass.

“Let your performance do the thinking.” ―Charlotte Brontë.

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” ―Dale Carnegie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsPM3iWzlCo

 

Personal Growth, Self Improvement, Positive Thinking