22

Our Dashed Hopes and Expectations

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Disappointment – the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.

Things sometimes don’t work out the way you planned. Events occur in our lives, building up high expectations of what might happen, and when they come crumbling down and don’t work out the way you thought they might. Like many things, we have no control over some of the challenges we face, and we only have control over how we react to it. Disappointment is a part of life, and positive learning to deal with it is part of being a healthy, well-adjusted human being. It all starts with your thoughts, words, and actions around every disappointment you face.

Origin of Disappointments

Being disappointed comes when things don’t live up to our expectations. We all build attachments to scenarios we would like to see. When those things don’t happen the way we envisioned, our accessories are broken, disturbing, and upsetting. In our minds, this is a loss of something that we had already created through hope. A new job you were sure you would get, or the relationship you knew would never end, they disappear, and you are left with the pangs of disappointment. It has been happening this way throughout our lives, and we have learned to build up a system of protection against a blow.

It could have been something your parents did or something that happened in school or life somewhere, but when you were a kid, at some point, you got your hopes up and built attachments to the outcome you wished to see and were disappointed by the result. This disappointment caused you to build defenses against getting your expectations up or always expecting the worst. That way, you could never be let down, only pleasantly surprised if things worked out. You can answer honestly if this is still a pattern in your life now. Fear of being hurt, we never believe great things can happen. But they certainly can, if we can move past the attachment to something outside of us and look at the great things inside us.

Overcoming Disappointment

Life is an inconsistent experience. It loves you one minute and leaves you locked outside in the rain the next. We need to look for the hidden opportunities that come our way when things don’t work out the way we think or hope they should. For example, you apply for a job you think is perfect for you and give you all of the things you are looking for. You start building scenarios in your mind about it, and soon your attachments have you thinking it is your destiny and the most desirable outcome for you. Then you find out you don’t get the job.

The reasons you don’t get the job could have nothing to do with you. Somebody knew somebody. They were more experienced. They wanted someone older or younger or taller or from a different country. Whatever the reason, we often get so disappointed with not getting the job that we don’t see the opportunity sitting there. Now you can move on to find the place you do belong to. You may look somewhere else you would never have thought of, and in that place may lie your destiny. There is no sense of feeling bad for too long. Life is going to go on and give you the experiences you need. Learn your lessons, and keep looking for opportunities. They are always there waiting for you.

Don’t take things like this personally when they have very little to do with who you are.

Experience

The result of facing and overcoming disappointments in life is where experience comes from. Life is a game, and it continually puts you through situations to make you better at playing it. In the words of the Rolling Stones, “You can’t always get what you want, but you can get what you need.”  Most times, we are not the judge of what we need, and we will take the easy way, even though the more difficult choice may be best for our long-term wellness.

Some look at challenges as punishment and wallow in their disappointment. But those who find success are the ones who see the problem as an opportunity to grow, follow, and become the best version of themselves we should all be striving to become.

It will all begin with an increased awareness of our thoughts, words, and actions around the disappointments we face in life. Look for the opportunity for growth, and don’t take it personally. You can only control what you think, say, and do. Other people’s choices and actions are theirs. Let them deal with the result of not hiring the best person in the world for their job.

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.”~  Eliza Tabor 

“Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~ Unknown     

 

22

My Reflections

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Reflections– serious thoughts or considerations.

reflectionLife is the most magnificent classroom we will ever find.

For the lessons to have value, there needs to be a concerted effort at reflection where severe thought or consideration is spent determining the meaning of things to you.

There is value in all experiences, but you have to look for it many times. Being more conscious of the moments we have to learn from and reflecting on them for value begins with your thoughts, emotions, words, and actions. The Purpose of reflection is thoughtful contemplation of events to become the best we can be.  

The Value of Reflection

One of the rewards of reflection is that a person can take a complex, tumultuous situation and my valuable, meaningful moments from it. The human mind is always trying to make sense of things and determine where something fits in their experience. Without reflection, there is no room to reflectionlearn about or consider any new situation or results leading to learning. With a bit of contemplation, each case brings an opportunity for growth. Take advantage of that chance and become a better version of yourself.

This choice is not easy because the swirl of activity can be disorienting. Like a carnival ride, a lot of input in a short time. That is where reflection allows you to walk back over it, look for the value, and disregard the parts that aren’t helpful. Considering the amount that exists at the moment will give you the ability to grow almost as much as you choose to. You can find the calm in the chaos of life and provide that to other people as well. That is the value of reflection.

Reflect and Grow

One of the issues with being human is that we all have faults, and no matter what we are doing, we can do it a little bit better. It is only reflectionthrough thoughtful reflection that improvement can come. Even at a job you have been doing for years, and you can do it better. Reflection will show you potential paths for development and growth in all situations.

To refuse to reflect on performance and possibility is the only limit to improvement in anything you do. It is easy to get comfortable and think you have mastered any particular skill or activity. This complacency is the way to limit what you can be and grow into as your best self. Become conscious of what you are doing and never stop looking for potential innovation you can create. It is only through the reflection of people performing a task that improvement will arrive. One of man’s most significant faults is to believe they know it all. There are always new frontiers to conquer.

Reflections

Today I urge you to be conscious of the situations in your life. At work, at play, or home. Look at what is happening and ask yourself reflective questions. How can this be better? What is of value here? What lesson can I learn? What else is here that I may not recognize on the surface? How can I be a better person because of this situation?

Being conscious of your thoughts, emotions, words, and actions will create more value from what you experience. Every moment is a chance to learn something, or it is a chance to know nothing, and you decide that value. 

Questions for Reflection:

What have you recently experienced that was painful but made you a better person for going through it? 

What is the most valuable lesson you have ever learned? 

What makes you the right person?

How can you improve at your job or a talent you participate in every day? 

Quotes on Reflections

“Sometimes, you have to look back in order to understand the things that lie ahead.” ― Yvonne Woon, Dead Beautiful

“To reflect is to allow yourself a moment to learn valuable lessons every experience gives you.”

“Wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then.” Bob Seger

 

22

Obstacles

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Obstacle-  a thing that blocks one’s way or prevents or hinders progress.

Goals and dreams are a part of everyone’s life, which is the human experience. Achieving these things means a varying degree of difficulty. Sometimes it comes easy, but other goals are a much longer journey. No matter how complex or challenging the trip, four main obstacles stop people from experiencing their dream’s completion. Each of these things can derail you and prevent you from achieving what you want, and being conscious of each one in your thoughts, emotions,  words, and actions will help you see the obstacle in your path and stop it from preventing your progress a person.

It’s Impossible Obstacle

From the time we are pretty young, we hear many things are impossible. I believe this is done to temper our expectations or to get us on a “safe” path that will allow us financial security for the rest of our lives. But the fact remains that the message we get regarding our dreams is overwhelming,  “That’s impossible!!”  Often the pursuit of a goal stops right there. If a person hears a message long enough, they will stop dreaming altogether. That is what happens.

Years of discouragement, prejudice,  negativity, guilt, and, most importantly, fear pile on people, and their dreams are buried far beneath the many layers of expectation. Your calling is still there, buried like a treasure underneath all of this, but remember it is still there. We are waiting for you. It is up to you to decide if the layers are too deep or too late to follow them. But only you can make this decision, and a tough choice it is. A dream can come to life at any time, and nothing is impossible unless we think so. Your calling will always be there underneath it all, hopefully waiting for you to look for it.

Letting Others Down Obstacle

As life unfolds, we all have people we love in our lives. Sometimes when you are thinking about pursuing a personal calling, many of the things you will have to do may affect these people. Several factors can get in the way, moving to a new location, financial strain, changes to their lives, or whatever perceived challenges pursuing your personal goals and dreams. The primary thought is that you would be selfish to chase your vision, and others would have to sacrifice.

In reality, the great thing is that love will work to shoot you forward, not hold you back. Those who love you want you to be the happiest, most successful, and most fulfilled person in the world. They would not stand in your way, and they would support your pursuit. Speak about your dream and see what your “team” thinks of you pursuing it. Those who love you will assist you and willingly participate in finding it. Love will make you more reliable if you let it. Please don’t assume your dream pursuit is a burden on others and stop it before it begins. Your dream is counting on you to find it.

Obstacle of Fear

Fear is just a thought, but it is a powerful one and surrounds you all the time. When you set out to pursue a dream, there is no guarantee that the path will be either quick or easy. Setbacks are sure to come. Experiences that you will learn from provide the knowledge needed to find your destination. The path to discovering your calling is no more comfortable than any other. It is just the same. Sometimes things will go your way, sometimes they go another way, but they are still moving you toward your dream.

The fear of failure and difficulty will stop many people from chasing their dream. It may be easier to control, sit on the side of the road, and give up. But inside of you is that dream, still burning, desiring to become real. You are the only one that can do it. Fear is just a thought; you have to protect yourself from this. But these setbacks on your way provide the real value to the experience. No matter what you faced, you kept going and didn’t falter. That is a beautiful thing and rare. Be that unique soul that ignores the obstacle of fear and keeps moving forward. Fall seven times and get up eight.

The obstacle of Realizing Your Dream

So you have identified your calling. You have taken steps, been diligent, and moved forward. Now there it is, right in front of you. Your dream is ready to be realized. The only thing that can stop you now is you. Many people get to this point and feel deep down that they are not worthy of realizing their dream. Others have worked for things and not brought them. You know all your flaws and think that you lack quality. It is at these moments when self-sabotage occurs. We quit because we are afraid. The finish line is in sight. All because we don’t think we deserve it.

You do deserve it. You are as worthy a human being as ever drew a breath. Nobody is perfect in life, but those imperfections are just a part of things. They are not things. Your dreams are things. Life is a journey from birth to death, and along the way, we provide value. Pursuing your calling or not is going to give meaning to your life. Did you do it? Did you not? Those are the real questions.

To make sure you see the obstacle in front of you, first, you have to look for your calling. Remember what it was from back when you were young. What things capture your imagination and make you feel happy inside? These are the things that will lead you toward your calling. It all starts with a more conscious awareness of your thoughts about your goals, emotions that come from them, words we speak and hear about it, and the actions taken to reach your dream. What makes you happy? What makes you feel fulfilled? Look at the reason for stopping you from achieving your goals.

“Obstacles don’t have to stop you. Don’t turn around and give up if you run into a wall. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” -Michael Jordan

“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure despite overwhelming obstacles.”- Christopher Reeve

“All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me… You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”- Walt Disney

I’m Back……………  James Brown

 

22

Spiritual But Not Religious

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People define themselves in many different ways, spiritual but not religious is a way I have thought of my relationship with God for about half my life. Nobody has ever asked me what the definition of this statement means to me until today, and it was astonishing to me I had never really written it down. I am stating my views in this way to define spirituality and why it has little to do with religion for me. The tableau of results depicts my path, and like most trials in life, I am on it due to my choices.

Being Conscious of Choices

The first thing I will explain about myself is that I have become more conscious of my choices in life over the years and the subsequent repercussions each decision will bring to your life. We are all programmed from the time we are born to the actions and beliefs which will help us become accepted in our culture and to belong. If you are not aware of your choices, then this programming will make the choices for you.

I was raised by my parents and family religiously, and I went to church every Sunday for my entire childhood. I believed what people told me wholly and blindly. As I grew in life, I noticed inconsistencies between what they told me and the life I experienced. When I started to question these things, the answers I found moved me away from my upbringing. But not away from God. We are all gifted with the ability to ask and choose for ourselves, and I think that is a skill that makes us uniquely human.

Nobody Excluded

One of the teachings I found most incorrect was that if someone didn’t believe as you did, they were wrong and probably going to be denied a trip to heaven in the afterlife and sent to an eternity of punishment in hell. As a child with a pure heart, I never understood how a God, who is love, would ever make anything like that happen. The conclusion I came to was that they wouldn’t.

I have found there is the ability to be a great person and the ability to be the opposite of that inside each of us. You have to fight to be the best person you can be because it is far too easy to drift into the negative. Since we all have goodness inside them, all people deserve redemption. I think a person’s actions demonstrate how they are living life right now. Most people are doing the best they can at this moment, and they deserve our encouragement, not our condemnation.

I Am Responsible

So to be spiritual means to me that I am responsible for my choices and the reactions I have in life. If I fight to continually act in kindness, understanding, empathy, sympathy, joy, and love in dealing with all people, then I feel I am on the right path in life, doing what I can to make things better.

On the other hand, should I choose not to live that way and give in to the easy decisions of being hateful of others who think differently from me, judging others, indifferent to the difficulties of others, acting from a place of fear, then the harm I cause is my responsibility in life. I have found that which choice I make leads directly to my experiences in life.

In Conclusion

To sum it up, I believe being spiritual is my relationship with God and what that means. Seeing that all people are connected, even those we may not like. Through our common humanity, we are here in this life together. To judge someone negatively because of their religion, nationality, ethnic heritage, skin color, or other factors is not Godly.

On the sunny side of Sunday, I have met many people who preach love, but in the shade of the rest of the week speak hate about those who are different from them. To be exclusionary, judgmental, and hateful are not positive traits of any Godly organization or people I want to be associated with within my life.

We all can choose which road we take. Acceptance or judgment? Kindness or meanness? Giving or taking? Love or fear? You will decide for yourself as I have and continue doing for yourself. That is what defines spirituality to me.

“Spirituality is not running away from the battlefield of life. Spirituality is blossoming every dimension of life with love, responsibility, equanimity, creativity and compassion.” – Amit Ray

 

 

22

Harmony In Life

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Harmony- a pleasing combination or arrangement of different things.

To have a combination or arrangement of different things, you must allow various elements into your life. Harmony occurs in everyone’s life at some point. Some days ideas flow smoothly, and others, it is like you are stuck in the mud. The reason for this seems to be based solely on your attitude and decisions. How you choose to look at situations and people in your “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” -Thomas Jeffersonday will determine the harmony you experience. Being aware of your power to create or destroy harmony in your life should allow for a higher level of consciousness. This level begins with a focus on the balance you are creating for yourself and others who have the joy or misery to deal with you daily. It all starts with a hard look at your thoughts, words, and actions today. Do you create harmony or discourse in life? 

Acceptance for Harmony

To create harmony, a person needs to focus on accepting yourself and the situation you are experiencing. Many people see this statement as an indictment of improvement, and it isn’t recognizing and accepting who you are and where you are in the reality of life. Harmony comes from moving from this point and taking action toward your goals. Arriving at a place with absolute acceptance frees you up to create balance with others because you are looking out at the world and seeing where you best fit. This harmony can exist in relationships, work, play, or any other activity in life. Peace will elude you if time is spent seeking the approval of others. You don’t need anyone else’s permission to be great at being you. Just be that!

Equal acceptance of others is the other half of the equation. You can’t spend your time judging others and what they are doing either. The analysis is done to place yourself on a false pedestal above someone else. Hard to be harmonious with others or life in general if you don’t look at the good in people. You can never achieve harmony if you mentally deny others your approval. This choice always leads to conflict and disharmony. Just as you have permission to be great, so does everyone else. Let them be that!

Harmony  of Life

Harmony allows you to move quickly through life, achieving goals and experiencing things without difficulty or struggle. It is easy, and it focuses on the present moment. The two things that distract from doing this are focusing on regrets for the past or anxiety about future events that might happen. These two things stop you from accepting things as they are today and working with them.

The past stops harmony because we look at circumstances long gone, and either we revel in glorified stories, or we carry the burden of regret about what we should have done. Acceptance is putting the past behind you, no matter how good or bad, and understanding where you are. This time is the only moment that you are guaranteed. Learn from the past, but don’t let it take away from your acceptance of where you are in reality. Accept it. It doesn’t mean you like it, but it is a reality you can create harmony with and enjoy.

Anxiety about what might happen is going to destroy harmony as well. Too much effort and thought are wasted worrying about how things might never work out or the danger of suffering. No amount of fear will change the future. Challenges are going to come and go. Creating harmony with these future events starts with accepting yourself and where you are. Seeing a world of abundance and potential rather than lack and limitation will help. You can only create this harmony through your attitude, choices, and vision. Choose to create balance. 

Harmony of Diversity

People are different for a reason. Other talents, tastes, and preferences create a colorful palette to create almost everything. When true harmony exists, there is a field for the best of everyone to meld together with the best of others. Our strengths are being highlighted, and our weaknesses being limited. Seek harmony in all that you do and find your flow in daily life. The most magnificent harmonies are achieved in music when simultaneously sounded musical notes produce chords and chord progressions, having a pleasing effect. This relationship is also genuine; the messages are actions, and the chords are accomplishments. Let the harmony of different sounds in the symphony of your life. Accept the differences between others and see the potential. Raising your consciousness starts with your thoughts, words, and actions to create harmony each day.

“The more in harmony with yourself you are, the more joyful you are, and the more faithful you are. Faith is not to disconnect you from reality – it connects you to reality.” ~ Paulo Coelho

“No person, no place, and no thing have any power over us, for ‘we’ are the only thinkers in our mind. When we create peace and harmony and balance in our minds, we will find it in our lives.” ~Louise L. Hay

 

 

22

Hear Your Fear

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Fear– an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

It is often believed that hate is the opposite of love, but that isn’t true. Fear is the opposite of love. Fear is an emotion that stems from beliefs that a situation will cause pain. All things are a choice between love and Fear. To try something you have a passion for, or not give it a go because you are afraid of failure or looking silly or not perfect. The most significant blocks to achievement are the thoughts of Fear, and the purpose of this post is to raise your consciousness about your fears and what they are stopping you from enjoying, accomplishing, or believing.

It all begins by being aware of your thoughts of Fear. They stem from beliefs you have accepted in your mind as undeniably true. They lead to emotions of Fear, words of Fear, and actions based on Fear. You can turn all of it around because Fear is just a thought that you can disregard as quickly as it can be accepted. That is our challenge today. Please find what you are afraid of and then learn how to overcome it. Simple task, right? Afraid not!!

Kinder Self-Talk is the First Step

There is a voice in our minds that talks to us continually. It suggests judges, states, encourages, or discourages us in all situations we face in life. The tenor of that voice has a lot to do with the level of self-esteem we enjoy. If that voice is kind, encouraging, and supportive, then your confidence will be higher, and Fear will be less of a problem. If that voice is negative, discouraging, worried, or judgmental, Fear will have an easy time controlling you. But it can all change.

Our ways don’t exist in stone. Changing the tone of our inner dialogue can happen just by becoming aware of the sound and choosing to change it. Notice how you speak to yourself when you see yourself in a mirror, when you face a challenge or when you think of those you care about. If that voice is negative, recognize it, and refuse to accept it. If you don’t expect yourself to be kind to yourself, it isn’t easy to assume that treatment from others. You are a unique human being with a wellspring of potential to do all sorts of things. See it, make a choice, and pursue it. The self-esteem you accept from yourself will determine your success more often than not. Don’t fear yourself.

Face Your Fear

As children, many are afraid of darkness at night. It is a thought of what might be hiding in the dark that scared us. Once we turned on the light, those fears were eventually let go. There was no monster under the bed, but there is always one in your head. That monster is Fear. That monster is there to tell you: “You can’t do that!” “You will look stupid!” “You have no talent in that area.”, “You will fail!” or any other negative comment you can think of. This hurdle is the monster of Fear in your head, and it is all just a thought.

The cure for Fear is to turn the light of experience on it. Once you shine a light on that Fear, it will lose its power, and you can move past it. So facing Fear is decisive for your confidence and self-esteem. Understanding the difference between danger and anxiety is essential. Danger can hurt you, and it is natural, tangible, and needs to be taken with precaution. Fear is the thought of things that might or might not happen ever. Shine a light on your Fear by facing them. Understanding that this can be very difficult to do, confidence rises inside that will help you meet and overcome more significant fears once it is done. Once the mindset is created that Fear is just a thought, and you can overcome it, what can stop you from doing anything?

Never Fear Mistakes

I have learned in life that people will make choices that lead to pain and suffering of one sort or another. These are viewed as mistakes in hindsight. But are they? All options cause actions, and these actions lead to results. How you weigh them is a point of view. Good, bad, tremendous, or horrible. It is the value you assign to the experience that gives it its value. As a society, we have been conditioned to fear making a mistake.

In school, we were graced by the number of mistakes we made and labeled by our school because of them. If a person never tried anything new and only stuck to what they mastered, they would never make mistakes, and they would never evolve or grow either. To truly learn, a person has to throw their whole self into the process. Create a theory, try it out, evaluate your results, adjust your opinion until you find success. Mistakes are a part of learning, and to fear them is unnatural. The more you shine a light on errors, the more you will see them for what they are, opportunities.

Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself

One of the most powerful, simple, and actual lines Franklin Roosevelt ever spoke. Fear is the only thing we have to fear in life. It was expressed at the time of the great depression when people were panicking in Fear that the country would collapse. It wasn’t what was happening that scared everybody, and it was the thought about what might happen that hurt them.

This practice is the way it is in life. If you are in a situation, you deal with it. You handle it. It may not be pleasant, but you will live. Then the thought about that thing happening again is the thing that haunts you. Your imagination is excellent at making up dark fantasies about bad things happening. The idea is these are not real, and the Fear of them is being afraid of a thought. It is fearful of Fear itself. Don’t let the fear of what might happen run your life and make decisions for you.

Fear Factor

Take a moment today, look at what scares you, and ask yourself why? Is it the danger of the situation, or are you letting an irrational thought get the best of you? Evaluate all of your dreams on their fear factor. Is there a real danger here, or is it a fear of what might happen? Look at your physical reaction to this emotionally. Look at the things that you want to say because of it. Observe how your actions are affected by it. This is becoming conscious of how Fear affects you and is, in effect, shining your light on the monsters under your bed. Taking action is always the cure for Fear.

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”- Marcus Aurelius

“Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To Conquer Fear is the beginning of wisdom.”-Bertrand Russell

“Fears are educated into us, and can if we wish, be educated out.”-Karl Augustus Menninger

 

22

Why People Lie

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what is honesty?
Live honestly

 

***Always Be Honest–

How much is your integrity worth?

What can you gain by being dishonest that you can truly enjoy?

A wise man once told me: “If your word is worth nothing, then neither are you.” That statement has stayed with me over the years, and the older I get, the more I analyze everything I say and the value of the truth. I was also once told that everybody lies at least once a day. At first, I was angry about that comment. But then you look at all the things we say not to upset anyone. Looking at the thoughts you have and your words that result, evaluating them for honesty is essential for developing your integrity and how much other people can trust you. Let’s look at why people are dishonest and the price they pay for doing this. These are the actions we take in dishonesty.

Definition of Honesty

Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and denotes positive, virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness, along with the absence of lying, cheating, or theft. That seems like a pretty straightforward definition, and not very difficult to see the benefits of making this choice. It all begins with the decision we make every day in our lives that decides how our honesty will affect our lives. Nobody can choose to be honest for you, and the entirety of your life will reflect the amount of goodness you value.

Additionally, an honest person will inform others of the opportunities for growth and self-actualization. There is no room for silence in the moments when a situation calls for your honest evaluation to assist a person find a better path. Even though most people don’t want to hear the uncomfortable truths, is it better to lie? Be open about your life and your philosophy with all you meet. They will know what to expect from you and trust what you say. Doing something or saying something to manipulate others into doing something beneficial for you is deceitful. Be honest, even when it is difficult, and in the long run, it will work out for the best.

Why Honesty Is Difficult

When you look at being honest and telling the truth, it would seem simple to practice. When you make a statement, make a truthful one. However, it appears that being honest is a little more complicated than that. So many people don’t want to hear the truth. Here are some of the main reasons people don’t always tell the truth are:

  • Fear of harm: The most straightforward idea to understand why we lie is for self-protection, including self-deception, to prevent injury to ourselves. This harm can be either physical or mental. However, what is the damage? A momentary uncomfortableness? You have to measure if the benefit is worth your integrity.
  • Fear of conflict: To some degree, we all fear conflict because it is painful and uncomfortable. Life is more comfortable when things flow smoothly. But creating calm with lies is only delaying the inevitable storm, and it will come with higher intensity when it arrives.
  • Fear of punishment: When growing up, how often did we lie about how well we did in school or started a fight? How often do we cover up our mistakes and transgressions? Accept responsibility for all things. We make excuses that give all of our power away, and accepting responsibility puts all the power in your hands.
  • Fear of rejection: Sometimes, our insecurities are the foundation of why we lie to each other because we want to remain popular in our relationships. Typically, it is harmless boasting to make ourselves appear more admirable to other people. Better to be true to yourself and who you are than to live a lie. If people don’t like who you are, there is no need to spend time with them.
  • Fear of loss: This is usually the loss of personal objects, such as money or expensive possessions. Greed is the foundation for this reason and can be found in us. We often lie to make ourselves more desirable to other people, too, fearing the loss of that relationship. Some people lie for fear of alienating someone they care about and again losing that relationship. Other times, when our self-esteem starts to decline, we even lie to ourselves as a means to prevent loss of morale. No matter what you are afraid of losing, better to address the issues head-on with honesty. Then you can take real action to find a result that will benefit your life.
  • Altruistic Reasons: We often lie to help our friends and loved ones. How often do we flattery someone to make them feel better? Or don’t tell the whole truth because we are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings? This is the only selfless reason why we lie. However, it doesn’t pay off in the long run. Better to be honest so that all people can work from a place of knowledge and acceptance. Lies are harmful and build negative energy in the situations of your life.

It comes down to a matter of integrity. Do your words have any truth in them? Should anybody trust and listen to what you say? Being honest is essential because nobody will ever imagine or believe you if you are not trustworthy. If you lay about one thing, you would lie about another. Where do you draw the line morally? It is a slippery slope once you start to blur the lines of acceptable behavior.

Integrity and trust are not things that you can easily replace. Value them as much as gold. Those who lie continuously and repeatedly will pay the price in all areas of their lives. If you can’t trust yourself to tell the truth, how can you ever trust anyone else?

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” -Thomas Jefferson

“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.” – Spencer Johnson

“Honest hearts produce honest actions.“- Brigham Young

“To be persuasive, we must be believable; to be believable, we must be credible; credible we must be truthful.“- Edward R. Murrow

 

22

No Patience

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Patience- the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

One of the more difficult things to master in life is to be patient. We all have desires and ideas we want to manifest for ourselves. Sometimes though, we have to practice a little patience before what we want becomes a reality in the world. Patience is a skill we can develop over time, and you learn from experience that sometimes it takes a little while for favorite things to happen.

Facing It

Let’s face it, the best meals are not produced instantly, and they take time. That is the way of most valuable and durable things. It would be best if you had time to adjust to situations, develop skills, or make room for whatever is coming your way. You can have a valuable talent if you maintain a positive attitude while waiting for your goal to be achieved or your dream to come true. The younger you are, when you start developing patience, the easier the trials of life will be for you. It all begins with an awareness of your thoughts, the emotions that result, the words we speak, and the actions we choose because of the best. Think of something that requires your patience and practice this skill right now.

Letting Things Develop

It is human nature to want things immediately. We live in a world of instant gratification. All of our whims and desires are brought to us instantly at the drop of a hat. Food, entertainment, information, or just about anything you want is available right now. All we have to do is ask. If you have to wait 20 seconds for an answer from Google, most are very impatient. So I understand patience is not something the world develops today in any significant quantity. But we should try to build some patience. Some things should always take a little time, which is not bad.

In life, dreams are not achieved overnight. They start with a thought, and then we take action to begin to come together in the best way possible for you. When you hurry or force things, they don’t work outright, and the goal desired is pushed further back because of your actions. It also makes it easy to give up if we don’t get immediate results. All situations provide an opportunity to learn something. Even if that something is difficult, it may be the key to accomplishing the long-term goals you are looking at. Be patient and enjoy the process of creating a dream. Those experiences will become the cherished memories of life.

Not Your Door

Honesty with yourself is always a virtue when it comes to accomplishing something—looking at your progress and evaluating the steps you have taken and the steps you need to take in the future. Sometimes we get on a patiencepath we are sure is the right way, but there is one problem after another as it develops. You have to wonder if you are moving in the right direction at these moments. That questioning is a part of developing patience. Perseverance is a virtue, but sometimes a door won’t open for you simply because it is not your door.

Your door is in another direction or on another path, and it may only be a slight alteration. Being patient and finding the right direction for you is a skill every person should develop. Too often, we are hit with initial resistance, and we assume that something isn’t for us. We only need to readjust our sails and move our ship in a different direction. The change for success may be a small one, but it is a talent to have the courage, faith, and strength to give it a try. Patience in your journey is valuable in helping you find your door.

Patience With People

Try to be patient with people in your life. We are all on a journey from beginning to end. However, very few of us are at the same point of the trip. Some people travel roads of thought and growing awareness, and others travel less intricate roads. Understand that all people are doing the best they can with the information and experience. Even though their actions make no sense to you, they are perfectly sensible to the people doing them. We can only control ourselves.

Travel your roads as best you can and let your choices and decisions represent you. Other people have their issues, and their thoughts and actions are none of my business. Even if they are making a mistake, those can be valuable learning experiences for others. As long as they are not hurting anyone else, let others gain relevant learning experiences. This patience with others is difficult, especially if you care about them. But they have to learn their way. Be patient with the process. Allow those you care about to find their way, and you do the best you can to find yours.

Finally, Be Patient with Yourself

This idea can be the most challenging form of patience to foster. You know what you want in life. You also are well aware of your weaknesses and where you have fallen short. Falling is not the end of the world, and it is just an experience you choose to learn from or be buried by. Get in the habit of looking at yourself with softer eyes than you have. After all, you are the only you there is. Development to become what you want to be can take time. Allow yourself to learn the skill, develop the talent, invent the thing, or create the painting you are dreaming of. Creating without a constant hostile barrage of self-talk will all be more comfortable.

Learn to be patient with yourself and let your talents bloom in their own time and fashion. It will all start with an increased focus on your thoughts, emotions, words, and actions.   You might find what you are looking for if you practice a little patience.

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”- Leo Tolstoy

 

22

Still The Mind

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Silent- Completely absent of any sound.

silentLife has become full of noise and sound. It is hard to escape it wherever you go. There is background music in restaurants, and people are always making noise, so finding a silent place is nearly impossible. More importantly, there are a few times when we experience the joy of quiet peace in our minds. Left unchecked, our minds will produce a continuous production of thoughts. I have heard this described as the monkey mind—constant chatter for no real purpose. So the challenge today is to start to become more conscious of the silent peace one can achieve in thought, word,  and action.

How to Still Your Mind

Once the word meditation is mentioned, people let their preconceived notions take over. Many picture something strange, or a process of sitting cross-legged on the floor and chanting some peculiar mantra. This stereotype allows them to dismiss the benefits without ever trying it. Meditation is simply a conscious effort to calm and control your mind rather than the other way around. Finding ways to make your thoughts silentsilent for a minute will allow you to communicate with your intuition and heart. It isn’t a complex ritual to follow, and you can do it anywhere. If the desire is to make your mind more silent and create a more peaceful existence, there is no one way to do this. Prayer is a form of this and works in my experience.

The simplest way to meditate and quiet my mind is through controlled breathing. I use a simple count of 4 to take in a breath, hold breath, and then release that breathe. That is what works for me, and it does help me relax and create a more silent mind. I heard it explained that when you give the “Monkey Mind,” a task like counting breathes, it stops making wild thoughts.   In the silence, things become more apparent, and answers to questions come more easily. This path is just one way to meditate, and there are hundreds of processes available to all people as close as youtube. Log on and look for something that will resonate with you and find a more silent mind. I use an app on my phone to help me called Insight Timer. There are many to provide guidance.

Advantages of Silence

Silent and listening have the same letters, and I don’t believe that is a coincidence. When conversing with someone else, it is a chance to learn and share. Allow another person to express themselves to the silent presence of your attention. Do not think about your response until they are silentdone. This will help you not guess or make assumptions about their point, but to hear the concern, thought, idea, or needed action someone is experiencing. It will also help you grow as a person to remain silent in thought, word, and action when you are having a conversation.

Maintain a focus on learning, not a guide to dictating an answer. This attitude can be helpful in any conversation with your loved ones of any age. Please give them the courtesy of silent listening to all of their concerns. They may not want advice or opinion, and they may wish to express what they think to someone they trust and value. This connection will become evident as you get to the end of a conversation. Being silent is the only way to listen.

Tips for Quieting the Mind

So seek moments that are silent today. Be conscious of it, and even try to silentcreate them through a meditative practice that works for you. Raising your consciousness to find and create silent moments with your thoughts, words, and actions will change your life and allow for more meaningful connections with others and yourself as well.

The silence of the Mind Quotes

“I’ve begun to realize that you can listen to silence and learn from it. It has a quality and a dimension all its own.” ~ Chaim Potok

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.” 
― Will Rogers

 

 

22

Calm, Cool and Collected

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Calm- not showing or feeling nervousness, anger, or other emotions.

When all things around you seem to be falling apart, that is the time when your focus on remaining calm will help you. Emotions are a part of the human experience, and you can’t avoid them, but the level of control you let them have in your life is your choice. Focus your conscious thoughts, words, and actions today on being calm. It will allow you to see the best solutions for all potential pitfalls and roadblocks.

Calm in The Storm

There will be storms that you have to face in the course of life. Relationships will end, loved ones pass away, fortunes are lost, jobs are lost, and just about every other thing you can imagine. I have found that when the storm is raging, I can’t stop it. To be angry at the wind is a waste of time. To be mad at yourself for experiencing the storm is a waste of time. All you can do is remain calm and ride the rain out. This action is not easy because the storm can hurt you; there is a danger there.

In retrospect, there will be a wealth of experience for you to gain from the lessons the storm from life bring you. The biggest problems are not the storms we have survived but the fear of the storm coming down the road. That fear is irrelevant because challenging things are still going to happen. Keep your calm and live in the moment. That is all that you have.

The Present Moment

Calm is the feeling you get when you let worries about the future enter your thoughts today. It is a part of being human; we all want to avoid unnecessary hardships. But when you start to let the fantasy of what might be happening affect your thoughts and emotions today.   Keep calm, breathe, and look at where you are right now. You will handle the challenge at the moment. Worrying needlessly about it will only destroy today’s peace with fears that may never occur tomorrow. That is anxiety.

Be calm; watch your thoughts. The relevant ones are the ones that deal with the present. That is what you can control, experience, and learn from. Plan for the future set goals, but the steps to reaching these things make them valuable anyway. Be calm and see what you can be doing right now to reach those goals or achieve your dreams. There is peace and confidence that exists in the present moment.

Be Calm Now

Being calm is a skill that needs to be developed and practiced like any other. The reward for mastery is a keen ability to see the moment for what it is. Avoid dangerous things and enjoy the thrills of life more. So today, bring the thoughts, words, and actions of being calm to your life. Notice how it affects how much you enjoy things. Notice how it positively affects all of those around you.

” When adversity strikes, that’s when you have to be the calmest. Take a step back, stay strong, stay grounded, and press on.”  L.L. Cool J

“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”=Michael Caine

“Before and after the storm, comes the calm.” – Jonathan Hilton

“He who is of a calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age.” -Plato

 

 

 

Personal Growth, Self Improvement, Positive Thinking