To live life is to be let down. Disappointment seems to come with the territory. We then have a few simple choices when things go wrong, and we can carry around the anger of being hurt or practice forgiveness and move on. Sometimes other people’s actions are so painful that it seems impossible to forgive like you will be letting the person who wronged you off the hook. That is the same attitude that keeps you suffering and under the control of an event or the actions of others for your entire life. There are many benefits of forgiveness the will make your life a more enjoyable experience. Freedom is one, and there are many benefits of forgiveness.
Your Health Will Be Better.
When you look around the internet for benefits of forgiveness, the Mayo Clinic offers a great many
More excellent health and energy from forgiveness
physical benefits the process of forgiving can provide. Letting go of the negative emotions surrounding any grudge-holding or hurt is not debatable. They include lower blood pressure, a lower risk of depression, decreased anxiety, improved relationships, better heart health, and a more robust immune system.
All of these were coming from the rational choice to forgive someone. The alternative is to hang on to the grudge and have all of the material things above become a problem, as in increased anxiety, higher blood pressure, more mediocre relationships, worse heart health, and weaker immune system. It seems like a no-brainer for your health to forgive others or yourself and let go of the negative emotions surrounding an event in your life. Your health will be better for it.
Buddha once said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
Forgiveness Nurtures Growth
It doesn’t seem to matter if it is a relatively small event you can’t forgive someone or yourself for or a huge mistake when you maintain the grudge. You are remaining stuck where you are. Think about it, an event that has happened in the past exists in the past, and as long as your focus is on the past, that is where you will stay. To forgive and let go of the anger will allow you to move forward with your life. The only way to become unstuck and start to grow is to forgive those we are angry with.
Events in the past are not going to change, and they are what they are. Only your attitude about them can change, and you have total control over them. The person who gets the benefit of your forgiveness is going to be you. You will find that you can create, be optimistic about the future, and leave the weight of the past behind you. You will be surprised how much you can do without all that extra weight of blame, anger, hatred, and lack of forgiveness weighing you down. You can begin to grow again. Without growth, life ceases to exist.
Nobody is Off The Hook
Forgiveness is not weighted. That is, there are no levels of forgiveness, depending on the wrong committed. You will still be weighed down, trapped by an event or person, and unable to grow until you decide to forgive. Many people I talk to say that what was done to them was too awful, too terrible to be forgiven. When you forgive, you do not condone or make anything morally right. You permit yourself to leave the experience of the event behind you and to move forward. Nobody is let off the hook by your forgiveness except for you. You never have to talk to a person to forgive them.
Forgiveness is a rational choice that you make, allowing you to direct your thoughts more positively. It will enable a person to create positive new memories and a life full of happiness and joy, rather than to be weighed down by the negative memory of an event or person from the path. All of the control in your life will move you and away from an adverse event. You will become a more reliable, more powerful person when you practice forgiveness because forgiveness is proactive. Anger, resentment, grudges, and hate are all reactive.
“Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.”— Desmond Tutu
“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”— Bryant H. McGill
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”— Mark Twain
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”— Lewis B. Smedes
A Taoist awakes and for no reason decides to go for a stroll. He walks for a while, and with his stomach growling, he stops to meditate. His thoughts are clear as he sits upon a well-used rock. He “just is” happy because his days are fruitful when the wind takes him to this well-worn path.
In the distance, he spies a Buddhist ascending the cliff that separates the path. He “just knows” the man follows the ways of the Buddha simply by the route that he chose and the look on his face. The Taoist meets many types of men on his walks and the Buddhist will say, “My search will not be abandoned at any point in my struggle.” People often come to the Taoist for his wisdom theTaoist is reluctant to speak.
His Tao is quite simple but not well received. When the Taoist was young, he attempted to explain to all that would listen. It is his manner to be kind and open, but he discovered, with the effort being extended, he was not acting as the Tao had intended. He “just knows” to share his wisdom only when properly persuaded, and a Buddhist has the ability to be quite persuasive.
The Meeting
The Buddhist is well prepared as he travels along the Eightfold path discussed in the Buddha’s teachings. A Buddhist is full of desire, and because he tries so hard to define it, he is determined to avoid it. The Taoist would have simply explained to the traveler that just by desiring not to desire and defining struggle in the context of desire the achievement of enlightenment is most impossible. He would say, “I desire nothing because my basic desires are noble and I am provided with all that is needed.” The Buddhist along with many others just cannot grasp the concept of it all.
The Taoist “just knows” the Buddhists are all close to a place they call Nirvana. They feel as he does that all living beings belong to the world and the environment must be respected. He feels that their thoughts are misguided in their absolute quest for knowledge. This knowledge, required for the existence of the Taoist village, is only sought when the Tao deems it necessary. If the village needs a doctor, the Tao will provide. He “just knows” that the Tao, as long as he does not resist it, shall never let him suffer.
A little help
The Buddha’s teachings claim that humans are responsible for their suffering and it is all caused by their “unrestrained dispositions.” Desire is the cause of all suffering, and following the eightfold path to enlightenment, by living a moral life, is the only way to be free from desire. It seems rather foolish to the Taoist that the Buddhist put so much work into something that is achieved so little effort.
The effort is necessary for the Buddhist because, unlike the Taoist, he must resist the pleasure of the senses. The Taoist lives for pleasure. He finds appeasement in enjoying all the energy of the world, and he “just knows”, by enjoying the environment, with all his senses, he is more able keep clear of thought acting only on intuitions becoming closer to the Tao by losing his desires.
When the Taoist is following the Dao, the excessive desires that cause misfortune are avoided. The Taoist only strives to fulfill his place in the Tao any effort contrary incurs bad consequence. The Taoist desires what is true and natural, and all needs are met without any conscious thought.
The Buddhist is always thinking while striving for enlightenment and this is why he awakes the Taoist from his trance. The Buddhist hopes to discover why the man appears completely comfortable while sitting on the jagged rock. He asks the Taoist why he appears so aloof. The Taoist smiles broadly and asks the Buddhist why he appears so troubled. The Buddhist explains that he is on long journey and desire rest, but if he rests his journey may be extended.
The Taoist, though he has heard the story before, ask the Buddhist to sit, and explain his troubles. The rest now takes on purpose so the Buddhist’s rest will not be seen as acting on his desires. The Buddhist accepts the invitation and beings to explain his struggle and his “middle way” to enlightenment. The Taoist assumes a hypnotic state, as he watches the Buddhist contently. The Buddhist is friendly and shares all that he has, with friend or stranger, so they have quite a feast.
When the day turns to dusk and the wind shifts direction, the Taoist explains he must return to his family. The Buddhist begs the Taoist to reveal his secret though the Taoist explains that his way (Tao) has no secrets but is “elusive and distinct”, and though it exists, it is hard to explain. The Buddhist is persistent in his request and offers to give the Taoist all that he carriers. The Daoist agrees but only is provided with what he needs and can comfortable carry.
The Taoist explains, “We, as you know, are one with all things. All the animals we see have no less value than you or me. Why do they seem so happy and free acting on the desire that is intended be. The answer to this question is quite simple; you’re trying too hard, dude.”
The Taoist then thanks the man for his kindness, and with the wind at his back, heads for home. He “just knows” that most people, like the Buddhists, will never understand his Tao to happiness. People may say his Tao is foolish, and ask how does he survive without wanting? His desire is satisfied by instinct so excessive desire does not rear its ugly head. It is at times when he thinks and second-guesses his actions that cause trouble.
Troubles are avoided when his Tao is spontaneous, which brings about normative action. The Taoist is a true believer because his actions produce the best result with the least amount of effort. With his family fed and his belly full, the Taoist sleeps comfortable, while preparing for another day of sharing his wisdom.
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Contributing writer; Mike Martin
Born in Greenville, Maine, Mike Martin has three children and lives in Belgrade, Maine with his beautiful wife Shannon. He has served as the executive director of Touch Tanks for Kids since 2005. He has a BA from the University of Maine at Augusta and served in the United States Navy for six years as an engineer.
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Taoism (also spelled Daoism) refers to a philosophical or religious tradition in which the basic concept is to establish harmony with the Tao (道), which is the mechanism of everything that exists. The word “Tao” (or “Dao”, depending on the Romanization scheme) is usually translated as “way”, “path” or “principle”, although the word literally means “nature” as in the nature of all things as well as the natural world. Taoism had not only a profound influence on the culture of China, but also on neighboring countries. While the philosophical Taoism is not institutionalized, the religious Taoism is institutionalized and present in multiple countries. Taoist philosophy is deeply rooted in contemporary China, and is an unavoidable part of modern Chinese life.
Quotes of the Tao:
When you are but slightly involved in the world, the effect the world has on you is also slight. When you are deeply enmeshed in affairs, you machinations also deepen. So for enlightened people simplicity is better than refinement, and freedom is better than punctiliousness.
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People are considered pure of heart when they do not approach power and pomp; but those who can be near without being affected are the purest of all. People are considered high-minded when they do not know how to plot and contrive; but those who know how yet do not do so are the highest of all.
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When you are constantly hearing offensive words and always have some irritating matter in mind, only then do you have a whetstone for character development. If you hear only what pleases you, and deal only with what thrills you, then you are burying your life in deadly poison.
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Late at night, when everyone is quiet, sit alone and gaze into the mind; then you notice illusion ending and reality appearing. You gain a great sense of potential in this every time. Once you have noticed reality appearing yet find that illusion is hard to escape, you also find yourself greatly humbled.
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Blessings often give rise to injury, so be careful when things are going your way. Success may be achieved after failure, so don’t just give up when you’ve been disappointed.
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Blessings often give rise to injury, so be careful when things are going your way. Success may be achieved after failure, so don’t just give up when you’ve been disappointed.
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There is a true Buddha in family life; there is a real Tao in everyday activities. If people can be sincere and harmonious, promoting communication with a cheerful demeanor and friendly words, that is much better than formal meditation practice.
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Don’t be too severe in criticizing people’s faults; consider how much they can bear. Don’t be too lofty in enjoining virtue, so people may be able to follow.
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A grub in filth is dirty, but it changes into a cicada and sips dew in the autumn breeze. Rotting plants have no luster, but they turn into foxfire and glow in the summer moonlight. So we know that purity emerges from impurity, and light is born from darkness.
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Conceit and arrogance are acquired states of mind. Conquer acquired states of mind, and basic sanity can unfold. Passion and willfulness are part of false consciousness; erase false consciousness, and true consciousness will appear.
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Think about food on a full stomach and you find you don’t care about taste. Think of lust after making love, and you find you don’t care about sex. Therefore, if people always reflect on the regret they will feel afterward to forestall folly at the moment, they will be stable and will not err in action.
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Those who have come to an impasse should examine their original intentions; those who have succeeded should note where they are heading.
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When the rich and well-established, who should be generous, are instead spiteful and cruel, they make their behavior wretched and base in spite of their wealth and position. When the intellectually brilliant, who should be reserved, instead show off, they are ignorant and foolish in their weakness in spite of their brilliance.
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After one has been in a lowly position, one knows how dangerous it is to climb to a high place, Once one has been in the dark, one knows how revealing it is to go into the light. Having maintained quietude, one knows how tiring compulsive activity is. Having nurtured silence, one knows how disturbing much talk is.
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To conquer demons, first conquer your mind. When the mind is subdued, demons withdraw obediently. To control knaves, first control your own mood. When your mood is balanced, scoundrels cannot get at you.
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In matters of desire, don’t get hastily involved because of easy availability; once you get involved, you will sink in deeply. In matters of principle, don’t back off for fear of difficulty; once you back down, you will lose your ground entirely.
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When people are determined, they can overcome fate; when the will is unified, it can mobilize energy. Enlightened people do not even let nature put them in a set mold.
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When the liver is diseased, the eyesight fails; when the kidneys are diseased, the hearing is adversely affected. The disease is not visible, but its effects are. Therefore, enlightened people, wishing to be free from obvious faults, first get rid of hidden faults.
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There is no greater fortune than having few concerns, no greater misfortune than having many worries. Only those who have suffered over their concerns know the blessing of having few concerns. Only those who have calmed their minds know the misfortune of having many worries.
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In dealing with good people one should be magnanimous; in dealing with bad people one should be strict. In dealing with average people one should combine magnanimity and strictness.
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Do not think about whatever service you may have done for others; think about what you may have done to offend them. Don’t forget what others have done for you; forget what others have done to offend you.
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When those who give charity do so without any sense of self-satisfaction and without any thought of reward, even a small gift is great. When those who aid others calculate their own sacrifice and demand gratitude and recompense, even a great gift is small.
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Your own feelings may be reasonable or unreasonable; how can you expect others to always be reasonable? It is useful to see things in this light and thereby correct the contradictions in your expectations for yourself and others.
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Those in public office who do not love the people are thieves stealing salaries. Those who teach but do not themselves practice what they teach are mere talkers. Those who try to do successful work without considering development of character will find it insubstantial.
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In the mind engaged in struggling with hardship, one always finds something delightful. The sorrow of disappointment arises in the complacency of satisfaction.
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The learned should be vigorous and diligent, but they should also be free-spirited. If they are too rigorous and austere, they have the death-dealing quality of autumn but lack the life-giving quality of spring. How can they develop people then?
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If the mind is illumined, there is clear blue sky in a dark room. If the thoughts are muddled, there are malevolent ghosts in broad daylight.
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People know that fame and position are pleasant, but they do not know that the pleasure of anonymity is most real. People know that hunger and cold are distressing, but they do not know that the distress of not experiencing cold or hunger is greater.
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If you fear that people will know if you do something bad, then there is something good in bad. If you are eager for people to know when you do something good, then there is something bad in good.
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The workings of heaven are unfathomable—sometimes encouraging, sometimes suppressing. All this makes sport of heroes and tumbles the great. Enlightened people take adversity in stride and are prepared for trouble even when at ease; therefore, they are not at the mercy of fate.
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One should not seek happiness, just nurture the spirit of joy as the basis of summoning happiness. One should not try to escape misfortune, just get rid of viciousness as a means of avoiding misfortune.
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The road of truth is broad; set the mind on it, and you feel expansive openness and broad clarity. The road of human desires is narrow; set foot on it, and you see brambles and mire before you.
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Soil with a lot of manure in it produces abundant crops; water that is too clear has no fish. Therefore, enlightened people should maintain the capacity to accept impurities and should not be solitary perfectionists.
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Even a wild horse can be tamed; even metal that is difficult to work eventually goes into a mold. If you take it easy and do not stir yourself, you will never make any progress. It has been said, “It is no disgrace to have many afflictions: I would worry if there never were any afflictions.”
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Lord Buddha, One Who Serves and Ashira – When The Beam Of Energy Hits You, You Are In The NOW – 8-5-15
Carl Jung on Buddha, Karma, Pali-Canon.
The Diamond Sutra; Volumes 16 – 32 (By Michael Todd)
To live life is to be let down. Disappointment seems to come with the territory. We then have a few simple choices when things go wrong, and we can carry around the anger of being hurt or practice forgiveness and move on. Sometimes other people’s actions are so painful that it seems impossible to forgive like you will be letting the person who wronged you off the hook. That is the same attitude that keeps you suffering and under the control of an event or the actions of others for your entire life. There are many benefits of forgiveness the will make your life a more enjoyable experience. Freedom is one, and there are many benefits of forgiveness.
huge mistake when you maintain the grudge. You are remaining stuck where you are. Think about it, an event that has happened in the past exists in the past, and as long as your focus is on the past, that is where you will stay. To forgive and let go of the anger will allow you to move forward with your life. The only way to become unstuck and start to grow is to forgive those we are angry with.
committed. You will still be weighed down, trapped by an event or person, and unable to grow until you decide to forgive. Many people I talk to say that what was done to them was too awful, too terrible to be forgiven. When you forgive, you do not condone or make anything morally right. You permit yourself to leave the experience of the event behind you and to move forward. Nobody is let off the hook by your forgiveness except for you. You never have to talk to a person to forgive them.
Lord Buddha, One Who Serves and Ashira – When The Beam Of Energy Hits You, You Are In The NOW – 8-5-15
Carl Jung on Buddha, Karma, Pali-Canon.
The Diamond Sutra; Volumes 16 – 32 (By Michael Todd)