Tag Archives: Change

22

Choose Your Change

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Every day is a new chance to rise!

Sometimes you reach the point where things are just not working in your life. There needs to be a change. The path you follow is dictated at this moment. Good, bad, propitious, right, or wrong, all of these adjectives will be applied to you and your journey depending on the tenor of your choices when change comes knocking. Some people will look at their circumstances and see no choices at all. But there are always choices, and they usually are triggered by the questions we ask ourselves about moving forward. There has to be a fundamental belief that life can be different from what you are experiencing now.

Believe Change is Possible

The first step to initiating change is to believe that it is possible. Many people have been told so many believe in Changelimiting things in their lives, and change seems like a fairytale located in the far reaches of reality. We hear, “You can’t do that.”, “You are wrong for thinking that way.”, “You can’t make a living doing that.”, “Your dreams are unrealistic or impractical.”, or “That is not normal.”.

All of these ideas that we have chosen throughout our lives have provided us with limiting beliefs that have led to painting us into the corner of life we are currently living in. If you are unhappy, it is time to change, and it is going to start with your limiting beliefs. All of them will have as much power as you give them. It may not be easy, but it can be done, and it can be done now, today, here this very second. Change the way you pay attention to your thoughts.

It Can Be Hard To Let Go

One of the funny things about being human is that even though things may be wrong, not enjoyable, hard to changeunhappy, or even downright depressing. We seem to be wired to resist change, to avoid it at all costs. Change is the only real option. The road to change is right in front of us, and we either standstill, refusing to take it, or worse, retreat from it. It exists, and we are moving down that road, like it or not. Change is inevitable and constant.

The devil you know is better than the one you don’t know, and even an attractive change can seem covered in peril. Our beliefs have been guiding us for a long time, and yes, change might be better, but what if…………..they get worse. This feeling is a fear that keeps many people away from changing behaviors that are not making them happy or even causing them harm.

Letting go of these comfortable, all be it, limiting beliefs always seems to start with a question. How can this be better? What can I do to make this better? If I was happy right now, what would it look like?

What Changes am I looking for?

Any journey needs two things, a starting point, and a destination. The starting point is where you are, and the target will change as your understanding, life experiences, and knowledge grows through time.

Hit your target by being clear about your desires.
Hit your target by being clear about your desires.

But it all begins with having the guts to create a goal to reach that destination you want to arrive at. What is it that you want? If you don’t have it right now, something is blocking you from having it. If you are looking for the right relationship and don’t have it, look inside yourself and see what you believe about relationships. Find the opposing points of view you have about love and relationships and recognize them as simply thoughts. They only have the power that you give them. Ask yourself, how can I change this? Why do I think this? LET IT GO!

It is like being in a prison where the doors are unlocked, and all you have to do to leave is push open the doors and walk out. Many stay, though, because it is safe and secure, and you always have the prison to blame for the things you aren’t happy about. It would be costly, and I would be satisfied. I would be in love if it weren’t for these prison walls around me. You are the warden of your prison, and you can walk out. Just choose to follow that change. Some people find all those walls, cells, and bars too safe to leave. Don’t be one of them.

A Time For Action

All things of power need power to fuel them. Your power comes from taking action. Action will eliminate fear. Answers to many questions will rise to the surface of your consciousness. Action will take you from where you are to the described destination. Sitting around, wishing will get you another day living exactly where you are. No house gets built without the action of putting up a frame, pounding nails into boards, and putting on the roof. The blueprints are great, but the act of putting them all together will give you the result you want. Taking action can be difficult, and taking the first action toward a dream can be intimidating. But there is a time for action, and this is it for you.

Make a plan, decide what you want, ask for it, take action to get there, and have confidence that you deserve what will happen. Get rid of limiting beliefs and weak points of view and move forward into a future that is made up of things you want and steps away from the situation that you are currently unhappy with. You are the master of your journey. It is time to start changing, and it is inevitable and constant.

“Do you want to know who you are? Don’t ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.” ―Thomas Jefferson

“The path to success is to take massive, determined actions.” ―Tony Robbins

“An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied.” ―Arnold Glasow

“God provides the wind, but man must raise the sails.” ―St. Augustine

“People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do.” ―Lewis Cass

22

Working with Change

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Change-1. Make or become different. 2. take or use another instead of.

Change is a force that all people deal with from the moment they are born until they die. It is inevitably happening all around us. Learning to handle change constructively is one of the most valuable life skills a person can develop because it will be used continually and make your life a much more enjoyable experience. Change comes like the tide in the ocean, and you can spend your energy fighting it or be working with it. Be conscious of the difference in your life today in thoughts, words, and actions.

Opportunity for Change

It is human nature to resist change. Especially if life is going well, a person will look at difference as a thief of the good things in their lives. Even if you are unhappy with the way things are right now,  the situation is known and changed. It means it could get worse. Also though it could get better, that fear of losing what you know can be paralyzing.

The focus needs to be placed on the potential good things you can gain from a change in any situation. Since change is inevitable and consistent, resisting it and looking to the past in reverence is a waste of time and energy. All things change and develop over time, and put your conscious thought into everything you can gain from the process.

Pain and Change

To experience change can be painful. Sometimes you leave behind things you have enjoyed and people you care about. It is sad to grow sometimes, but growth is necessary to learn and become the best version of yourself possible. We are not born a finished product. Our development is evident in childhood, but it doesn’t end when you turn 18 or 25 or 35 or 75. Change continues, and one until finally, the game is over. The thoughts of change may be painful but not as painful as resisting the inevitable.

There is probably nothing as painful as clinging to a thing or place that you no longer belong to. When you stay in a situation for staying, not rocking the boat, or hoping the changes aren’t fundamental, misery will follow. What was once pleasure will become a pain. The only cure is moving forward, accepting the difference, and taking the next inevitable step. The pain exists to force you to do what you need to. So could you do it?

Growth From Change

Since change is happening all around you and to you at every moment, it would make sense to create a plan to try to benefit from this process. Rather than be an object helplessly tossed around by the waves of change, it makes sense to have a plan to deal with change and ride those waves. The waves are coming. You will change, and life will change. It is your choice to grow or not from experience.

Be conscious of the forces of change working in your life today. In your personal life, professional life, or life in general. The places you go, and the people you spend time with. Change is happening, and conscious of it in thought, word, and action allows us to move with it rather than fight against it. Recognize the variation that exists all around you and roll with it.

“The world, as we have created it, is a process of our thinking, and it cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” ― Albert Einstein.

 

22

Your Choices

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Don't Regret the Past
A Ship Carrying A Choice You Made

I was discussing with a friend the other day about all of the things we had done that, in retrospect, seemed like bad ideas.

Failed relationships, poor decisions, wrong turns on the path of life all came up, and my friend said the magic phrase, “If I knew then what I know now, things would be different. If I could only do it all over again.”   That thought is probably one that everyone has had at some point in their lives. I, myself, have thought this before, but not any longer.

If allowed to go back in time and make different choices, I would have to pass, and here is why.

First of all, it is common to look back with a sense of nostalgia and not with realism. Choices were made for a reason. You have no way of knowing how a change in your life would affect you today.

Things could have turned out much worse for you. A Teacher best explained it to me this way. If you picture all of those choices you didn’t make as ships sailing in the distance, you can see the sails full of wind pushing them off into the horizon.

You are wasting your time chasing them with regret because you will never catch them, and you don’t know what is beyond the horizon. Those ships may have carried you to some very unsavory and unwanted results.

Things could have been much worse for you if you had made a different choice. We only focus on a lofty, positive result when we think of doing things differently. When the outcome could have been disastrous.   Since you could be far better off with the choice you did make, thoughts like this appear to be a waste of effort.

Secondly, constantly questioning your past decisions will make it much more difficult to enjoy what you do have today.

You may have a good job or a relationship you value, and you won’t be giving them your full attention and enjoying them as much as you could if you waste your energy pining away about the past and what might have been.

Every one of life’s choices is a potential learning experience, and usually, the decision of whether it was a good or a wrong choice is made solely by you. You can choose to get something good out of almost every situation you encounter, or you can choose to get something wrong. It is all up to you.

So why not enjoy what you have today and appreciate the experiences that have gotten you here, rather than spend your days rehashing old mistakes and carrying around the regret of what might have been.

Third, one of the great things about getting older is that we do, even if we don’t try, gain experience and a form of wisdom with it.

From the day we are born, we are continually learning new things to navigate the sometimes tricky channels of life. Some people take much more advantage of these learning experiences than others. Without all of the “mistakes” we have made along the path of life, we would lose much of the hard-earned wisdom and knowledge we have gathered over the years.

Everybody has the ability for good and to live a life that satisfies them and makes the world a better place. Regretting your past decisions is a form of self-loathing that decreases your self-esteem and makes living an authentic life more difficult.

If you dislike your choices so much, you must dislike who you have become, and it is hard to be happy when you are forced to face a person in the mirror every day that you are not very fond of sometimes.

 

Don't Regret the Past
You Choose to be Whatever you want.

Finally, we all have the ultimate choice for what type of person we are to be. Regardless of all of the options we have made. What you did yesterday, ten years ago or twenty years ago, has very little to do with who we choose to be today.

Nothing can stop you from being positive except yourself. Nothing can stop you from being productive except yourself. Nothing can stop you from being great except yourself.

The past is stored in the high attic of your mind. It is OK to remember and visit and pour over past experiences to glean wisdom, but to carry around a profound sense of regret about things will get you nowhere.

Today is the next great day of your life, and you can choose to make it so or decide to turn it into another moment you will regret in the future as you watch it sail into the horizon.

Quotes About Regrets:

“A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.”  – John Barrymore

“Accept everything about yourself – I mean everything, You are you, and that is the beginning and the end – no apologies, no regrets.”-Henry A. Kissinger.

“Apologies are pointless, and regrets come too late. What matters is you can move, on you can grow.”
Kelsey Grammer

“Chris Cooper once told me never to have any regrets. After Chris said that to me, I walked into every scene thinking, ‘exhaust every possibility.’ Once you get to a certain place, it’s like you just deliver everything you’ve got. I don’t have any regrets. It pops up in my mind over and over and over again.”
Jake Gyllenhaal

“For my own part, I abandon the ethics of duty to the Hegelian critique with no regrets; it would appear to me, indeed, to have been correctly characterized by Hegel as an abstract thought, as a thought of understanding.”
Paul Ricoeur

“Had we not pursued the hydrogen bomb, there is a very real threat that we would now all be speaking Russian. I have no regrets.”
Edward Teller

“Have regular hours for work and play; make each day both useful and pleasant, and prove that you understand the worth of time by employing it well. Then youth will be delightful, old age will bring few regrets, and life will become a beautiful success.”
Louisa May Alcott

“Having regrets and things, it just takes your time away.”
Leif Garrett

“He had to deal all at once with the packed regrets and stifled memories of an inarticulate lifetime.”
Edith Wharton

“I already gave my best. I have no regrets at all.”
William Hung

“I do not allow myself vain regrets or foreboding.”
Mary Chesnut

“I don’t have a lot of regrets in my life.”
Cathy Freeman

“I don’t have any regrets. When I quit college and moved to Los Angeles to become an actress, it was so that I would not look back and have any regrets.”
Amy Weber

“I don’t really believe in regrets.”
Wayne Newton

“I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about regrets because there’s nothing I can do.”
Sheryl Crow

“I felt that I ostracized myself by my behavior, by the past, by living with all the regrets of my mistakes, that I sort of wore a hair shirt and beat myself up most of the day thinking and regretting why did I make such a mistake? Why have I made so many mistakes?”
Sarah Ferguson

“I gave everything in my career, so I have no regrets at all.”
Michel Patini

“I have a lot of regrets, but I’m not going to think of them as regrets.”
Debbie Harry

“I have many regrets, and I’m sure everyone does. The stupid things you do, you regret… if you have any sense, and if you don’t regret them, maybe you’re stupid.”
Katharine Hepburn

“I have no regrets about launching Salon. For the life of me, I can’t imagine doing anything else.”
David Talbot

“I have no regrets about my life.”
Jane Badler

“I have no regrets because I did everything by the book.”
Alexis Arguello

“I have no regrets in my life. I think that everything happens to you for a reason. The hard times that you go through build character, making you a much stronger person.”
Rita Mero

“I have no regrets. I don’t believe in looking back. What I am proudest of? Working really hard… and achieving as much as I could.”
Elena Kagan

“I have no regrets. I wouldn’t have lived my life the way I did if I was going to worry about what people were going to say.”
Ingrid Bergman

“I have no regrets. I’ve got my health.”
Naomi Campbell

“I have to say that I have no regrets about my decision to become a priest or about the major directions my ministry has taken me… I have been and am happy as a priest, and I have never been lonely… I could have used a bit more solitude.”
Andrew Greeley

“I try to live my life where I end up at a point where I have no regrets. So I try to choose the road that I have the most passion for because then you can never really blame yourself for making the wrong choices. You can always say you’re following your passion.”
Darren Aronofsky

I usually say I did the best I could with what I had. I have no major regrets.
Stokely Carmichael

“I want to live my life so that my nights are not full of regrets.”
David Herbert Lawrence

 

“I’m not gonna try to defend, or undo what’s been done. All I could say about whatever’s been done, it’s been done, and it’s water under the bridge. I have no regrets of my life.”==Ike Turner

“I’m very lucky, I’m happy with life because my experiences led me to do what I had to do. I don’t have any regrets whatsoever.”
Van Morrison

 

22

Your Power to Affect the World

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Power- the ability to do something or act in a particular way, especially as a faculty or quality.

Each of us has the power to affect the world. We may not be conscious of it, but it exists. It allows you to overcome the feelings of being powerless. Listening to the media message sent to you every day will make you feel vulnerable and helpless. Reported stories and events make the world seem big, scary, and out of the realm of your safe little world. That is a perspective advantageous to industry and sales. If you feel powerless, you look for comfort, buy things you don’t need, and try to protect yourself by doing what the messages tell you to do. In short, it is easy to manipulate a person who feels powerless and weak. Worry comes directly from this belief. But you have power and can affect how you look at and act with life.

Seeing Your Power

Your power does not come from the things you own, but it arrives from who you are. It is the choices that you make every day which define you. Decisions made every day without a conscious thought determine much of your life. Look at your options and only choose those you want to represent you. These are the choices you know are for the greater good. Trust, a larger purpose, can be served by your straightforward, positive options every day. Then take responsibility for your decisions and your ability to make a positive difference in your life and the world.

Your power will influence others, even if you don’t see it. That influence will be positive or negative, depending on the tenor of your thoughts throughout your day. Do you know the danger in every conversation? Do you see a potential enemy in others? Or do you see the opportunity for kindness and creating an ally? Which way your thought pattern falls dictates your power. Are you making it positively or negatively? Power is yours every moment of every day.

Powerful Vision

Once you have actively embraced your ability and responsibility to make a positive difference in the world, then it is up to you to direct your power in a particular direction. Into your relationships, career, personal development, or any other thing you choose to improve. It begins with establishing a vision of what you would like to see in your life. Use your imagination to create the scenario you would like to see become a part of your life. Then be true to that personal vision. If you want to change your physical appearance, develop a health plan of exercise and diet that resonates with you and brings it to reality. Be consistent and live it as you move through every day; it will come to pass.

Each area you want to improve will change your life in schedule and activity. Rather than fight change, learn to embrace it. It is difficult for all people. Actively embrace the positive changes you make in your life. Focus on the personal honesty you use with people. Don’t worry about the result of your goodness. Be honest and accept the consequences. Have a vision pursue that vision honestly, and eliminate the worry from your life. The power to dictate positive change will result from that.

Challenge Your Inaccurate Beliefs

Lies and inaccuracies take away our power as well. We develop beliefs over our lives. They come from our family, peers, teachers, society, and authority figures. We try to place these things into concrete in our minds, and they provide us with rules to follow in life. But a myth can take your power if you attach it to a limiting or untrue belief. The perception we have of things dictates our patterns of thought and behavior. This can refocus any mind at any point to see things more positively. Hate, judgment and fear turn into kindness, acceptance, and love with a change of focused thought.

To do this, look at the negative beliefs you are carrying about other people, places, things. Stereotypes and fear of others you learn through your programming through history, family, or the media. Change those thoughts to the positive. Don’t allow people to mistreat you. It is the opposite. You have power. Never accept behavior that is below your standards. You recognize poor behavior for what it is. If you don’t want contrary in your life, remove it. If someone treats you poorly, it is your choice to tolerate it or not. That is power. That is your power. Believing that it is ok for someone to treat you poorly or deserve it is what we want to eliminate because it is a weak mentality. Be authoritative in your choices, and of course, you will have power.

Find Your Power

Take a moment and consciously consider where you put your power every day. How much worry do you participate in? Fear takes away your control; being a positive and confident person gives it to you. The way you think about your experiences will dictate the words you use and then your actions because of it. If you live in fear of this or that, later you will play a small game, make a few changes and meekly accept bad things as your fault. I encourage you to live with power. Take responsibility for where you are and what you have done. More importantly, look where you want to go and start taking action to get you there.

“In an expanded state of awareness, you perceive beyond the limitations of your body and mind and feel that you are part of the vast universe around you, connected to All That Is.”

“A good indignation brings out all one’s powers.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

21

Suffering

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There are two sides to every coin, and in my life, I have found joy on one side and suffering on the other. The pain appears as the worst of things to experience in life and should be avoided at all costs.

Although I agree it is something that is not pleasant, it provides a necessary function for people. I wish things were always easy, and there was nothing but joy in my experience, but life offers difficult obstacles for each of us to overcome. How we think about our experience will bring us suffering or lessons. Pain is a choice of how we feel about each situation we are in life. It is a natural and inevitable part of life. We will have catastrophic loss and sadness in our lives. How we deal with it will define much of who we are and how successfully we live our lives. Your suffering is a choice and one I have made all too often.

Crutches of Life

Crutches are everywhere in life. These are things in our experience that limit us in one way or another. Some fall prey to wild pleasures and excesses in life, which distract you from your purpose and determine what can be accomplished. Others find jobs that are just enough above water to be acceptable but will never allow you to grow into the person you could be. All crutches of the world we adopt to “help” get us through life will cause suffering and move us further from ourselves. Life can seem like a prison if we let it. Keeping us confined to a particular place and set of circumstances. This limit is only the case if you choose to allow it. Or you can choose to be free in your actions and your mind.

Limiting my options is a game I played from early on. Allowing others to put their labels on me and the corresponding limits from the earliest moments in life. “You just aren’t athletic.” “That’s nice, but you will never make a living from it.” “You just aren’t very book smart.” Or one of a million other limiting statements I accepted as crutches and eventually even stopped questioning. Any belief that I have allowed to limit me in any way needed to be reevaluated and changed, even in a small way, because these are the chains that life has put on you, and you won’t eliminate the suffering they cause until you change them.

This reaction is a choice, and it isn’t as difficult as most would have you believe. Change is a constant and inevitable part of life, and you can fight against it or learn to choose to move with it. Ending this limiting suffering is a race between your mental capacities and your biological limitations. Some will win, and some will not. Which side will you be on?

Becoming Your True Self

All people are born with a purpose in life. All of those intentions are positive, and there is some message to bring or a goal to accomplish before our time is done. Unfortunately, we are almost immediately piled with expectations and experiences that push us further from that mission. The programming we receive is mainly in the name of love but delivered in the voice of fear. Parents generally want the best for their children, but often their idea of precisely what the “Best” means can make your choices seem “worst,” even if you are following your heart. Chasing your dreams is your life; nobody else’s.

The suffering that this can cause is lifelong and painful. With each step, a person takes in the direction of someone else’s expectations the further they get from their true self, and soon that person you were born is hidden behind a lot of trees and weeds. It can be challenging to find your way back. The further you have moved from your true essence, the higher the suffering is going to be. It seems like the journey back to who you are is never too far to reach or too late to start looking. The limits we accept are the ones that will affect us. So begin today looking for what message you were born to send and what gift you have to give.

Loss and Suffering

To live life and love others opens you up for the loss, which leads to suffering. If you have lost someone close to you, you know this kind of pain is a painful experience nobody wants to have. But life is a tenuous experience with no guarantees. We never know when the ride will be over should. It is easy to get lost in the routines of the days and take things for granted. Each day is a gift. Open it! Be motivated to do what you want to do, be with those that make you happy, and enjoy every moment.

Not only are the days a gift, but you should take the time to look at the beauty of your day. All the people in our lives are precious too. It is human nature to take things for granted, only realizing how consequential or special someone was when they had left us. Then we mourn the loss. Which is natural, but there is an opportunity every day to celebrate all those in your life, contributing to the experience of living life. It is a short ride, this life, and it makes no sense to spend the bulk of it in misery when you don’t have to. Spend it in appreciation of the magic that is you and your unique presence.

Emotional Rescue

We will all have emotions that bring us down. Anger and fear are natural reactions to life when you start to look at things from the perspective of, “What am I getting out of this?” Then you have to learn to deal with it and either let it consume you or change your thoughts, emotions, and actions to something more positive. I know it sounds natural, and when you feel anger or fear, it isn’t too easy to change. But YOU can modify it by looking at the thoughts causing your suffering and changing them to something else.

Find something or someone who brings out the positive in you. It seems like much of our suffering comes from our feelings of inadequacy, and to change means doing something more worthwhile. Learn what your emotions are telling you and how to change them from negative to positive for you, and you will find a tool to help you end some daily pain nobody needs to deal with in life.

Suffering is a message in life that we are attached to something temporary in a permanent way. Nothing in life is stable, and that is what makes it unique. So the choice is up to you in the end as it always is, spend your time suffering or spend your time in joy. It is all up to you.

“Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but the greatness of mind.” Aristotle

“The reward of suffering is experience.” –Harry S Truman

“Suffering by nature or chance never seems so painful as suffering inflicted on us by the arbitrary will of another.”- Arthur Schopenhauer

“Suffering is but another name for the teaching of experience, which is the parent of instruction and the schoolmaster of life.” Horace

“Suffering is the substance of life and the root of personality, for it is only suffering that makes us persons.” – Miguel de Unamuno

 

 

21

Love It or Fear It

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To fear or to love?

You May Disagree
You May Disagree

All situations in life can break down into simple choices. Will you think and act out of fear? Or will you believe and work out of love?

I believe EVERYTHING you think will make a difference in your life and come with emotions attached, which affect your decision-making. I believe this because of a lifetime of experience and entertaining the wrong types of thoughts. I lived much of my life under the influence of fear but have chosen to make a change and look at things with feelings of love. No small endeavor, but I encourage all others to attempt to do the same.

How You Think Leads to How You Live

This article is about the fundamental belief that I have developed in my game of life. If you are thinking judgmental, mean, sarcastic, or hateful thoughts about other people or groups of people, there is no doubt that you will experience those things in your own experience.

These are negative thoughts which lead to unhappy experiences
These are negative thoughts that lead to unhappy experiences

If you choose to focus on accepting, kind, and loving thoughts, then that will be the overall experience of your existence. How do I know? I used to think the former and now try to focus on the latter, and although I am the same person, the experience of life has been entirely different and much more positive and enjoyable in all ways.

Fear is the chief motivation of those who are critical. A person rejects any thought or action that will lead to change or be different from comfortable beliefs. Even if things are currently going poorly, people avoid change because they fear that changes might make things even worse.

There is nothing wrong with experiencing fear itself because fear gives you adrenaline and or motivation to act. Still, if you focus on and allow it to move your actions from day-to-day, your experience will suffer from negative energy. We all face fear every day, but it is how you deal with it that matters. Each moment comes down to this simple choice between fear and love, the one you choose will define your life and you as a person.

Change is Always Possible

change-thoughtsThe most daunting task for anyone to accomplish is to change the way that you think. We have spent a lifetime accumulating experiences that come along with mental programming, which has managed to keep us safe and alive. But it also can make us unhappy and not allow us to reach our capabilities.

Yet, at some point, even though we are safe and alive, the quality of our life needs value. Once you start to pursue happiness and caring, you notice what has been making you unhappy. What is it that makes you hang your head with worry? What makes you afraid to speak? What makes you hide your individuality? What makes you disappear who you are? Fear.

Fear that you won’t be accepted, or fear that someone will take something from you that you love. Fear that someone is going to harm you or those that you care about can hurt you. The mainstream media feed these fears to gain ratings and Madison Avenue to earn consumer dollars.

The reality is that fear is just a thought and an illusionary thought at that. What you are afraid of is not accurate, it is a thought, and that is it. What if? What should? What Might? Questions that provide these thoughts; are not real they don’t exist, yet they offer genuine suffering for people. Your thoughts about things are the cause of most of our issues. Change your thoughts, and many of our problems go away.

There are many dangers in the world, and those should be avoided because they can hurt you, but fear of them will only stop you from doing what you want and becoming the best you can be. Fear limits you and destroys dreams.

Getting Out of Fear

Beliefs are merely thoughts that you choose every day to add weight to.
Beliefs are merely thoughts that you choose every day to add weight to.

Getting rid of fear in your thoughts is simple, but it is not easy.

Stop thinking fearful things. Now that would be easy to control all of our thoughts, but you really can’t.

Thoughts pop into your mind at a rapid pace, representing your lifetime of experience. Bias, prejudice, hatred, fear are all a part of your knowledge, and they are all associated with others.

You can’t stop them from popping into your mind, but you can control how much you pay attention to them. Simply noticing the thoughts of fear as what they are fake surprisingly releases you from their power. All of their power over you comes from inside your head and the thoughts you choose to give power to. Let the negative go and replace them with something more positive. The human mind is only capable of entertaining one idea at a time. If your thought is positive, so will your mood, actions, and life.

Replace thoughts of fear with thoughts of love

enigmaOnce you recognize and admit your worries and let them go, it is incredible how easy the right ideas and feelings flow. It feels better to be happy, healthier to love, and more enjoyable to live without fear.

It takes time, and you have to be honest with yourself. Recognizing your weaknesses can be painful and challenging, but you have a simple choice here. Choose caring over callousness, kindness over being mean, understanding over judgment. Keep living your life in fear and be unhappy or admit to your negative thoughts and recognize that you can just let them go and think differently.

The choice is up to you! Nobody else can make it for you.

“Fear and love can never be experienced at the same time. It is always our choice as to which of these emotions we want.”-  Gerald Jampolsky

“Love and fear represent two different lenses through which to view the world. Which I choose to use will determine what I think I see.”-Marianne Williamson

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.”-  Marianne Williamson

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”-  John Lennon

21

Like It or Not

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How I often approach change. It can be scary!
How I often approach change. It can be scary! I need to perfect the art of laughing!

There is little in life as frustrating as change. Whether we want it or not, it comes along in life and forces us to do something other than what we have been doing, whether we are ready to stop doing it.

Most people, if not all people, have at least a passing disdain for change, and I think there are good reasons for this, yet I think we also all are well aware that change provides positives we need. How to deal with this mystery of inevitable and painful movement from one phase of life to another? That is the inevitable question.

Why Change is Hard

As humans, I think it is natural that we find comfort in routine.  It is always safe to get up at the same time, follow the same patterns of life.  Depart for work at about the same time each morning and throughout whatever you do during the day.

accepted or changedWe do this because it is safe, we do this because it represents order, we do this because it is reassuring. If you don’t think so, disrupt someone’s routine, even for one day, and watch their reaction. It is all a perception and illusion of control. We control so little in reality that seeming in control of our routine gives us comfort.

Our minds are constantly seeking safety and the ability to know where our place in the world is.  The world will not end if you do something different, but sometimes it may just feel like it.

Choosing to Change

process not eventIf you are choosing to change, then something must be significantly amiss. In my life, these choices of change have been around wanting to get into shape or a different job, but deep down, they were because I was not happy with life as it was, and the only chance to find happiness was to change.

It could be a new workout routine, a new job, or a new relationship. New is a nice word for change and makes you feel better about what you are doing. It also gives confidence to the outcome, which is always unknown.

One of the great things about choosing to change is that you feel like you have some sort of power in the decision-making process. It may be an illusion, but it still provides you with a great chance to feel empowered.  Enjoy that kind of change because the other type isn’t so very nice.

The Other Kind of Change

change 1This is the change that comes on you from nowhere and doesn’t give you an option. It simply gives you change.  Death of a loved one, an accident, an illness, a spouse leaves you, or you are laid off from a job.

There are many examples of this, and these are the changes that can kick your teeth in and jump up and down on you until you don’t think you can take it another second. The great unwanted moments of life upsetting your nicely ordered life.

Unwanted change is like the tide, inevitably pouring in no matter how you try to stop it, and it leaves behind a clean landscape.  Often the changes required of us are so significant we get swallowed up by them for a time. There is an almost numb feeling like life is happening and you are there, but you are more observer than a participant. This is a temporary feeling.  Until you get your bearings back and can navigate through the new circumstances, be brave in times of change, and eventually, you will gain your bearings.

Hope of Change

change sailsEven though this change can be pretty awful to experience, it is not the end of the world.  It just seems like it.

When you can look at change from the experience of surviving it, you can start to appreciate the growth you have had.  The pain of loss or suffering has become a part of your history, faded a bit, and now is replaced with wisdom.  This is the learning that life will give you one way or another.

It is a frightening proposition. If things are going great, you should appreciate them for all of their nuances and uniqueness. The hope in change is that it will always bring us closer to where we should be, meaning to me, closer to our authentic selves. We have to be aware of what lesson is being taught.

In my journey, there were times I was satisfied yet unaware that I was many, many miles away from where I needed to get. To be the best version of myself. Whether I am any closer to that is yet to be determined, but I am hopeful.

My Choice of Change

I promise myself that I will go easy on my fear of change and realize that it is just a natural reaction and emotion. People often will stick with a job, relationship, or life that isn’t working because even though they may not be ideal, they are known and therefore less scary than the unknown coming down the road even though the unknown may be perfect.

Cast off your line and let your ship move into change seamlessly.  There is no avoiding the specter of change, and your only choice is to fight and resist it or to ride the wave like a surfer.

If there were no change, nothing terrible would ever get better!

Songs of change:

 

21

Day Before

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You never see the real painful things coming.
You never see the harrowing things coming.

There are days that you remember because they have a long-lasting effect on your life.  I certainly have many of these.  Some days serve to remind me of those moments when my life changed so dramatically that it could never be the same again.

What had been my life was over and what was coming next was unknown and unpredictable. The experience I identified as my life was shattered into a million pieces, and no matter how they my life will never be the samewere put back together, they would never be the same. They would never fit snugly.

What was I going to do? But what about the day before? The day before, my life changed forever. Before the accident. Before we told the truth. Before she left. Before the death. Before………

I remember having several days where my life ended as I knew it, and the scars are going to be carried inside for the rest of my life.  Those painful moments are seared into my memory, and their story has become a part of my inner and outer story.  I have remembered them more than I care to admit and still feel a dull pain of regret and longing for the past.   It is strange, but I remember the days before with as much clarity as to the traumatic events themselves. I had no idea that I would never be the same.

I remember that I worked out that day. If I had known it would be my last, I would have probably commemorated it more but got my work done and then went home.  I remember hurrying to mow the lawn before it rained because there was a storm coming. I got half of the backyard done before it rained. I had no idea I would never finish that lawn for the rest of the summer.

As the rain started to fall and the thunder rolled in the distance, warning of the foul weather to come, I had no clue that in many ways, it would never be clear skies again for years to come.  I remember watching the rain from my back porch and thinking of the small, boring things I had to do tomorrow, the next week, the next month.   What to eat? What to watch on television? What to do in two weeks? The futility and foolishness of those thoughts could only be revealed by the

What to eat? What to watch on television? What I “needed” to accomplish? The futility and foolishness of those thoughts could only be revealed by the wisdom or folly of the days coming unforeseen in my future.  The day before my life, as I knew it ended, I had no idea of what was coming.  I think that is what they mean when they say ignorance is bliss. 

I am sure that is how most people feel on the day before your life changes forever. A regular day of “normal” thought that will unexpectedly be interrupted by the devastation of the storm to come, unlooked-for and out of nowhere.  I am not sure if they are meant to last as a memory of peace or one of torture.

I hope that you have never met this kind of tragedy and that your life is full of happy days that you truly enjoy. There is a part of me that will always warn you, though; Beware of the calm sea because often there is a tempest waiting under the surface, simply waiting for the right time to alter your life forever.

Know that no matter how devastated you are or how many changes you undergo, there is still hope. I hope that you will be stronger and can put your life back together again.

I hope that the pain of the current circumstance will sharpen your talents and wits to the fine sharp edge needed to accomplish great things. It can build your confidence back up again after a fall and allow you to rise higher than was previously possible.

Hope is the light of the future, and it allows all people not only to seek but to find retribution in your life. It allows you to take the next step forward when all you want to do is quit. Don’t quit, or you will never know what you are capable of contributing.

Know that each day, there is something to be grateful for and to enjoy. So enjoy it because you never know what will come tomorrow.

21

Change Cycles

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Change is a topic that comes to my mind often, probably because we are always experiencing its effects.  We are not the same today as we were yesterday, and tomorrow we will be different still. That is the way of life.  Often we move through our experiences seeing no difference whatsoever, but when you look back over the last ten years, we have, of course, experienced changes that are deep and wide from where we were.  There have been lessons learned, positive and negative. Beliefs have been built, destroyed, and built back up again.  Life is a consistent cycle of change from one thing to another. From this situation to that. Driven by a combination of our choices and the inevitable framework of nature.  The best we can do is have a talent for accepting the changes we can’t control and making good decisions about the ones we can choose.

No Choice Changes

There are many circumstances in life we have no choice about.  Who our parents are is not a choice, and we are born into the mercy of the adults in our lives. Suppose they provide a safe, caring environment or not is out of our control.  Were we nurtured and cared for or abandoned and neglected? Either way, at some point, we have to take responsibility for ourselves and decide what type of person we want to be. That is a choice that is ours individually.

Natural disasters occur, crime happens, loved ones pass away,  accidents of all sorts, and all are happening out of our control. Change is happening all the time.  We do not choose these things, but they bring change to our lives nonetheless.  The choice is always in how you deal with these changes.  Most people are faced with several watershed moments in their lives when life will never be the same again. What do you do in those moments? That is what will define you and your contribution to the world. You know them because you define your life as a time before this or after that.  We all are faced with unsought tragedy and challenges. How we choose to deal with it will be the factor that defines us.

Choice Changes

Then there are the changes we do participate in choosing.  Seeing something in yourself and wanting to improve it are common examples of this. To quit a bad habit, or to start participating in a good one.  All are choices.  We have quite a lot of control over our experiences in life through our choices in action and attitude. Most things can be fun, entertaining, and enlightening if you choose an attitude of enjoyment.  You always have the choice of being negative and wishing you were somewhere else. This will succeed in making you and all around you miserable, but that is a choice you can make.

When setting and achieving goals, change is what we are after. What do you want to accomplish? What are you willing to give to get it? What actions can you take? What resources can you take advantage of?  All of these choices will determine how quickly and efficiently you see the changes you are after. But more importantly, your attitude about achieving the goal will dictate the enjoyment you glean from the process and certainly how much you enjoy it.  The journey is a major part of the ride, and the steps along the path to the destination will provide stories and memories in the future. Choose to enjoy these slow changes on the way as a part of the process rather than treat them as something you must get through.

Change Your Level of Happiness

If you look at your current life experience and you are not happy with everything about it. Look for ways to inflict enjoyment into your life in all that you do. Change is constant and natural. We are going to change one way or another. Some we do not control, but many we do, and our attitudes toward this change determine the quality of our lives.  Take time to enjoy the changes that are happening, rather than fight against them, flow with them. k

As I stated in the beginning, change will be a part of our life experience from the beginning to the end, and we will move through a process. Experiencing good things and difficult things.  Never despair because of where you are or celebrate too much either. The unstoppable forces of change are working, and things will develop into something else wanted or unwanted soon enough.  Learn to embrace change. If we did not change, then growth would never occur, and what is not growing is going the other way.

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” -Gandhi

“Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.” —Jim Rohn

“When in doubt, choose change.” —Lily Leung

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy, for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another.” —Anatole France

 

21

Chances and Changes

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winds of changeThe most potent constant in life is the experience of change. We try to ignore it, and if things are going well, we resist change, but inevitably and continually, change is occurring all the time, and how we deal with the changes that we face will define our life experience.  Change doesn’t have to provide a painful experience. It is our attachments to what was that causes the pain.  Allowing modifications to enter our lives rather than fight against it will determine a lot about your enjoyment of life.

Hang On For All You Are Worth

When the winds of change are blowing hard in your life, people usually have some pretty predictable responses. The most common reaction is to grasp hard and fast to whatever is changing and try to keep it the same. It has hold on tightlybeen my experience that it doesn’t matter if the change results in greater happiness or not.  It is the things that are known that are important to most people. Even if it is painful and not healthy, at least you know what you can expect from it. Change brings many unknowns with it, and even if it is good, the unknown is very scary for many people. They naturally resist.

Fear causes people to hang on to the past for all they are worth and refuse to let go. Let go of the doubt and accept the new change as bravely as possible. The odds are that it will bring something new and more positive in your life. Either way, the difference is happening how you deal with it will determine your existence’s mood.

Enjoy the Adventure of Change

Change brings with it the last opportunity for new and beautiful possibilities in your life. Embracing the energy of transformation can guide you toward a dream you always have had. If you are not Change2where you want to be in life, only change can take you there. Looking at change as the most exciting thing that ever existed will allow you to enjoy the adventure that change brings into your life. The unbroken line of possibilities is just waiting for you to join them.

New job, new relationship, new workout routine, new ideas, new thoughts, new life, the change will bring all of these to your life, and none can arrive without it.  Most of us sit by idly, fearing the steps that change requires. We cower in the enjoy the ridecorner grasping to practices, people, and things in our lives that are not working in any way, shape, or form — not realizing that by getting rid of things that aren’t working, we create a space for something or someone who will work.

Look for the change in your life each day and embrace it as a great opportunity. Life is a non-stop movement from one place to another, from birth to death and everything in between. It is up to you to learn the lessons, understand the differences, and experience the adventures that come with life.  Some will be monumental in stature, while others will be small and easy to digest. All of them will guide you along the path of life and make the journey a much more exciting ride.

When life brings changes you are not wild about, Chances are when said and done.
Who’ll be the lucky ones who make it all the way?  Though you say I could be your answer, Nothing lasts forever, no matter how it feels today.  Chances are, we’ll find a new equation. Chances roll away from me.  Chances are all they hope to be.

“Change is painful, but nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.”

“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”

“All things are difficult before they are easy.”

“Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.”