Tag Archives: joy

21

Fight the Dark Side

Leave a comment

Focus On the Force

Each of us has a power that we either use to help move us toward our goals or provide an excuse for not achieving what we want.  I think it is much more similar to life in the Star Wars franchise than we would probably admit. All people contain within themselves a duality. These two sides have a high potential to do things perceived as an excellent good or something representing evil.

All people contain this power within them, and that is the force of life.  It is not by magic that people end up living an authentic life. It is by conscious decision.  The choices we make in every moment dictate the nature of the force within us.  These choices are a refreshing combination of how we think about ourselves, the world, and everything in it.  Focus honestly on how you feel about things and your conscious thoughts today.  Notice the emotions that arise in you because of an idea. Then see the words and actions that come from that.  This process determines the power and nature of the force in you.  It all starts with thoughts.

Operating on the Light Side

We would all like to think of ourselves as being the hero and doing what is right always. That is not a human experience. It is a constant struggle between our two sides. Here is the simple formula for working with the forces of light.  Put others before yourself, be kind in thought and deed, accept the differences of others, feel joy, peace, serenity, love, hope, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.  All of these exist within us, and it is our choice to practice them or not.

What a world we would have if all people were able to function in this part of themselves.  If you look at how you like to be treated, all of these things are probably on the list. Choosing these things and meaning allows the force within you to help others. It isn’t always easy to think this way when you see someone doing something say to someone else or you. It is human nature to want to fight back and take an eye for an eye. When we are hurt, we want to cut back. To put that instinct aside and treat a situation with love will allow the force in you to do great good in the world.

Welcome to The Dark Side

Welcome to the dark side, which needs no introduction, I am sure because we all have one of these.  Our darkness exists by our insecurities, pains, and fears of our lives.  Anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, superiority, and ego contribute to our dark side. These are thoughts that lead to words and actions that will directly or indirectly harm others somehow.  But the person who is hurt the most is you. The dark side of the force does contain the power, but it is corrupting, painful and takes away the good in the world for selfish gain.

Many people I have known can harm someone by directly consciously speaking words that exploit the insecurity of someone.  Then fear is generated, or selfishness, and that person has been infected.  Look at the people in your life and how they speak to you and others. Where on the scale of the force does their intention come from in each moment?  The allure of the dark side is that you will not have to suffer again. But the truth is, of course, your actions are causing you to experience. These thoughts and emotions wear you down and hurt you. To feel these things is the dark side.

Your Force is Always there.

Inside of each of us, this force I am trying to define is always available to you.  It is there to call on when you need strength to face a challenge.  Even in the most desperate times in life, remember the force in you will be there to push back the adversity and allow you to thrive if you let it.  You may have to make a course adjustment, learn a new skill, create a new goal, or start over.  Whatever the task ahead of you, the power to move toward it every day is the force inside you.

Be conscious of how you can help yourself and help others see the good in the world through you.  Take advantage of opportunities to show this. Consciously practice kindness even when there is no apparent gain for you.  Create hope for someone in the world.  Don’t let mindless anger brought on by fear control you. It solves nothing but creates pain in the world. Pain and suffering are the calling cards of the dark side of the force within you.

Where does your force lie?

Every day, you have a choice to cause pain and suffering to others or create joy and kindness.  These choices develop in the thoughts you choose to entertain.  Are they from the dark side, or are they from the light?  The force in you will always be there working on the side that you choose.  So choose your thoughts wisely.  The world depends on it.  And it all starts with your thoughts, the corresponding emotions they lead to, the tenor of the words you speak, and the actions you take.  All things will affect the force in you and the effect that energy has on the world.  Which side of the line do you fall on here?

“We must wake.” -Yoda

“Always pass on what you have learned.”- Yoda

“The dark side clouds everything. Impossible to see the future is.”- Yoda

 

 

 

21

Silence

Leave a comment
silence
When you are still, you can hear the words the silence has to offer

Is there anything quite as unique as silence? Look at your life and honestly count and evaluate the moments that you are experiencing absolute silence. To me, this is any time that you are completely devoid of any human-created sound at all.

No words, no machines, no music, no nothing but the natural sounds of the world. How many times during any given day does this happen? I can tell you that there are few moments of complete and utter silence in my life for me. There is a value in the silence that, if you get used to, it will allow you to put your mind at rest and allow you to talk with your deeper self, which often remains hidden behind the crowd of sounds we experience daily.

Silence Can Be Better than the alternative.

Seek out your silent moments because they will provide more value to you than 95% of the noise that falls on your ears throughout the day. If you are watching television to get your news or entertainment, silencethen I think we would all have a difficulty rating the value of the product you are watching to silence. In silence, there are no lies. Nobody is pushing an agenda to vie for control of your buying power or the fear you experience.

Some people talk an awful lot and say absolutely nothing worthwhile. Isn’t a silence better than listening to words that are disingenuous, hateful, gossiping, or just plain old negative? Why break the silence to participate in making the world a less positive place? There is a place and a time for everything, and silence needs to have its location in your life.

Silence The Mind

How do you silence the mind? This is where the practice of meditation comes in. I was always intimidated by the practice of meditation, but in giving it a try, I have found it is easy. The best advice I got was that there is no way to really do it wrong. If you give it an honest effort, you will reap some benefits. The goal of meditation is to quiet the incessant and continual discourse of thought occurring in your head all of the time.

Our brains are great at producing thought, but most of its work is not productive, supportive, kind,

of silence
There is no wrong way to find yourself in the silence.

constructive or clear. Most of our thoughts trip on each other and repeat loudly points of view we are well aware of or thoughts of pure foolishness. When you slow your mind, you can monitor your thoughts and pick and choose the ones you want to pay attention to and those you would like to discard.

There are many different formats for meditation, and I am no expert. Here is a simple method that will allow you to walk down the path of meditation easily. Inhale and count to four. Hold the breath and count to four. Exhale while counting to four. Repeat continually throughout the meditation time. Notice the thoughts you have, where they come from, and most importantly, is it a thought that honors you or not? If it does, pay attention to it. If it doesn’t, then pay no more attention to it. Silence allows this to happen.

Sometimes It is The Best Gift

It is human nature to offer advice, state our opinions, and make sure that we are clear about where we stand on all our exposed issues. Sometimes, though, the best thing we can do is keep our mouths closed and silently listen.  Our presence has power, and oftentimes, just being there listening, giving a person your support is the best thing to contribute to another person.

A hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen with is a great gift that you can give someone. If they are sincerely working through something, they do not have to hear a judgment from you or listen to your opinion about the next action or reaction. Silence allows you to accept them as they are and be there as a friend.  Silence accepts all and allows a feeling of acceptance.

Look for moments of complete silence in your day, where all people can hear no voice, music, or machine in your life. Focus on the moment you are in and listen to what the silence sounds like. You will find some things in the silence you didn’t know you were missing.

“Never assume that loud is strong and quiet is weak.”

“Silence is the best response to a fool.”

“Some hearts understand each other, even in silence.”

“Silence isn’t empty; it’s full of answers.”

“Sometimes, it’s best to stay quiet. The silence can speak volumes without ever saying a word.”

No one dares disturb the sounds of silence……..

 

6

My Answers for A Stranger

Leave a comment

This week I met a stranger. We talked for 30 minutes or so and then went on with life. In the course of that conversation I was asked a few questions I have thought a lot about. I think you might benefit from thinking about them too.  They came from the heart of young thought and made me look at life and what is important.Each question was really asking about my basic fundamental attitude about life and the belief I have about the goodness of things.  Life has a way of teaching you what you need to know in order to achieve all of those dreams you have circulating around in your head. We ask for many things in life, and often we don’t see the guidance that comes to us because it is not written in clear English.  Guidance comes in experience, feelings and in people you meet every day.  Indulge my answers for a stranger.   Maybe you can take something from it. Maybe you can’t but let’s give it a try.

How do you make life good?

When life happens, we naturally evaluate every experience. We rate it as good, bad, excellent, horrible or anywhere in between. The fact is the things that happen are just things and we assign the value to them. So making life good is a choice of how you look at things. Things are going to happen which are painful, people die, relationships end, injuries and accidents occur every day. It would be difficult to assign a good label to any of these things but if you look at things from a broad perspective and see what comes out of them there is almost always something positive.  It is the stories we end up telling ourselves about the situation that brings the value.

What lessons did you learn? What can you be grateful for? If you lost a loved one, be grateful for the time you had together and the things you experienced.  If a relationship ends, seek the message it is teaching you about what you need to do better in the next relationship. Life always brings challenges because that is its job. To push you and prod you into becoming better. When you ask for things in your life, often times some of the biggest challenges we face drive us in the direction we need to go. We make life good by enjoying the small things along the way that provide joy. There are things every day which do this.  Look for them and appreciate them. Life will be just as good as you decide it should be.

How do you start again when a dream is lost?

When is a dream really lost? Sometimes you will have to start over in order to get where you want to go.  For example, a person had a scholarship to a prestigious college. Due to several poor decisions the scholarship was removed and the dream of attending that fine institution was removed as well.  One could look at the opportunity gone and cry over it. But there are two reasons this will do no good. One, no matter what you did or what happened you can’t travel back in time. And two, if you could have done better in those moments, you would have.

Let those experiences of failures, poor behaviors, and disappointments of the past stay right where they are because the only way they can affect you fully today is if you decide to let them define you.  Others will think what they will and we all have to bear the responsibility for all things in our lives, but to relive the mistake, over and over is going to stop you from finding and achieving the next dream.  More than likely the lessons you learned will allow you to achieve great things in life.  Stop dwelling on what is gone and focus on what is ahead while enjoying the life you have right now. New dreams will arrive in your mind, drams afe what makes life great.

Is life always this hard?

Sometimes it seems like life is a very difficult experience. When you experience loss and you suffer, it can be a very hard thing to deal with. When a person allows their focus to be on one particular thing, it can be devastating when that is taken away.  Life is as hard as you make it and usually it is what you believe about yourself and how you do life.  Take a moment and look for the good around you in any situation. I don’t say this is easy because sometimes when you are hurting  it is hard to see or feel your way around it.  But there is always good sitting there waiting for you to notice it. Nobody can force you to do this only you can make that decision.

Once you have made the choice to stop feeling sorry for yourself and accept responsibility for whatever you are facing, you will start to grow from your situation and understand there will be other battles to fight, challenges to face and joys will find you.  Understanding that life is a long play and not a quick hit wonder will give you the perspective to see the hard isn’t permanent. It may not even exist at all unless you choose to allow it.  Life is not always hard, it provides all of the joy, positivity and kindness you can handle. You have to be willing to look for it and see it. Have you looked for it today?

So as I walked away from that stranger that day, I started to look at my own life and some of the people that are a big influence on it. I am not perfect and allow myself to drift into negativity some times, but there are many dreams I am still chasing on the personal and professional front.  I have experienced some disappointments but I try not to let them affect me all that negatively, and I know that just as the sun goes down every night allowing a chance to rest and rejuvenate.  The sun will rise again in the morning and the new day will bring its opportunities for accomplishment. You can’t grab new experiences if your hands are grasping tightly to the past and it is gone.  Look at your opportunities to follow your dreams in the actions of your day.  Keep a positive frame of mind and look to your personal beliefs about what you can do and expect in life. Each day is a chance to build a dream or tear one down.

Philosophy

Remember How to Play

Leave a comment

Remember How To Play In Life

Playing Catch
Remembering the fun of play

Many years ago, I can remember being a kid and just wondering who was going to be available to play after school.  There were not many things that were more important to my elementary school self than what I would play, where I would play and who would be available to play with.  Growing up in the town of Greenville, Maine, Tuesdays were always a difficult day because the bulk of my colleagues were Catholic and they had to go to Catechism, which significantly cut into my options.  I often urged some of my friends to skip their religious instruction for a rousing game of kickball or football or anything outside that involved a game of some kind.

I was fortunate to have a built-in playmate in my brother who was only a bit more than a year younger than me, and we always had Joel Wortman.  I can remember us getting home from school watching a little TV, eating a snack and then playing until the call to dinner would end our fun.  If there was a game, we played it.  For whiffle ball, we arranged the back yard like a Fenway, with the house being the “green monster”, the rock in the ground was first base, the worn patch was second and we would throw something down for third.  There was never a complaint or a problem with the facilities.   It was the game that counted.

playing catch
Remember those days when there wasn’t an organized game to go to, people just played for the sake of having fun

Play was such an important part of our lives that I wonder how it ever faded away, but it definitely did. As you grow older it becomes less and less a part of your life as you move into the “fun” of adulthood, the games of youth are left behind.  As young adults the opportunities for play are plentiful, but most of us confuse competition with play.  See any adult softball league to see this factor in action, too worried about winning a game that should be enjoyed just for being played.  Like many things as adults we forget what is important and that is just playing.

I enjoy playing golf because it gives you the opportunity to get outside, move around, socialize with your friends and just play.  Golf is only hard when you worry about how well you are playing, and much like life, golf is a game that can’t be won, only played.

Many people have play in their heart, and when they have children of their own, the spirit comes back out and they now have the approval of society to play again, like they did when they were young.  Some of the best parents I have known didn’t forget how to play.

Without researching too very hard here are some of the benefits that you can gain right now from playing.

climbing a tree
I couldn’t stop laughing as I climbed a tree for the first time in many years. It was harder than I remember.

Play Provides Connections to Others

As you play any game with someone else there is a connection that is made. A shared memory or experience created through play will be carried with you through the laughter and joy that you share with someone else.  Play has also been shown to help develop compassion, trust, and the ability to connect with others.

Play Helps You Learn About People

There are many social skills that are keenly honed through play.  Creativity, acceptance, tolerance, risk-taking, social etiquette are just some of the lessons that playing has taught me, and I assume can teach anyone.

 

Play Makes You Happy

When you play you will find that it is difficult to be mad, sad or otherwise pissed off at anyone.  I am told that this is because endorphins are released into your bloodstream resulting from play.  I know that it is impossible not to smile when you are truly enjoying playing.

I wasn’t sure if I remembered correctly or not, and the only way that I could know for sure was to actually try to play.  It was harder than you might think to find a venue to play where you are allowed to be yourself and not interfere with anyone else.  Then I really focused on playing and having fun and surprise, surprise it was better than I remembered.  I played catch, ran around and climbed trees, which was not as easy as I remember, but really a lot more fun.  I mean it has been over 30 years since I tried to climb a tree.

My advice to you is that you take a moment or two and play with all your heart.  You will remember what it is like to have fun.

Related articles