It is my usual mindset to maintain a positive attitude about life and I have been trying to do this for all I am worth, today is December 31, 2018 and a moment of reflection is definitely in order. I am going to find it difficult to have any sort of reminiscence of this past 365 and be positive. It was a year of immense growth, and gigantic loss. A year of miraculous wonder in both positive and negative ways.  Each season of the year had its own story and each one was remarkably true to the weather and the temperature of the season. To be positive about the things I lost in 2018 would be disingenuous and borderline hypocritical. So although I am going to pick up the positive tomorrow, today I am taking a moment to put the hard lessons of 2018 into perspective and to move forward with the knowledge the year left to me.

Things I Learned This Year 2018

1. Life is full of surprises- I learned that I am still able to be surprised in both positive and negative ways by life. Unexpected things happened, numerous times bringing me the experience of  unimaginable joy and heartbreaking sadness.  It makes me both leary and excited for the future and I guess that is as good a definition of life as we are ever going to get.
2. All I know is I know nothing- We fool ourselves, I think, into thinking that we are gaining knowledge over years to be able to live our lives in a safe, orderly manner.  I am here to tell you this is just not true. As soon as you think you have figured it all out. Life will punch you in the nose, run you over with a car and toss you out of a moving car.  Why is this?  I am hoping it isn’t because life is sadistic, but maybe because we need to have challenges to continue to grow.  As the lesson here states clearly, I know absolutely nothing about life and am just trying to survive into 2019.  If you know the answers and the rules, please let me know.
3. Love is a complicated thing– I know this is not a news flash, and anyone who has lived life knows this, but I have learned that love is made up of more than just words, saying I love you is not enough. It involves love, kindness, appreciation, trust, faith, and respect to name a few. When all are present it is a wonderful experience.  It is THE thing that makes life wonderful and joyful. Beware it comes with a lot of danger and potential pain attached.  But nothing great comes without a little bit of risk. That is what makes it so wonderful when it works out and painful when it is lost.
4. Nothing Gold Can Stay- It is poem by Robert Frost and I read it when I was a kid reading the Outsiders by SE Hinton. My life has had many of these moments but none have provided an example of the temporary nature of things as 2018.  I enjoyed each moment and I have that in my heart, but would I have dared to live it if I knew it wouldn’t last? I am not sure. All I do know is, life is impermanent, we are all imperfect, and in that imperfection there is a unique beauty of life. That hurts.

   Nature’s first green is gold, 
   Her hardest hue to hold. 
   Her early leaf’s a flower; 
   But only so an hour. 
   Then leaf subsides to leaf. 
   So Eden sank to grief, 
   So dawn goes down to day. 
   Nothing gold can stay.

5. If you want to see God laugh, tell him about your plans-  I am sure that many people have grand plans, and set out to make them turn into reality and I think the big goals are great and things to work on.  But it is the every day plans of constructing your life where this sentence comes to my life. I was sure six months ago what my life would look like right now. Positive. Had no doubt.  What was the laughing in the background? Who was that chuckling at my certainty? My unmitigated arrogance.  If God wasn’t laughing, he should have been because I could never have thought I would be where I am right now a scant 6 months later.  Some of it is good, some is not so good. All of it was unexpected.  Glad you enjoyed yourself God.
6. You can do anything you put your mind to- I have seen this happen in small and big ways. If you set your intention on something, make a plan and then take the necessary action steps toward that thing, you can make it happen. Some achievements will come quickly and some take a lot more time. But all can be accomplished. It doesn’t matter if it is career you are searching for or a special rare treat you would like to eat. Whatever it is, you can turn it into a reality.  If you set an intention, make a plan and take the necessary action steps.
7. Someone who believes in you helps-  Believing in yourself is THE most important aspect of accomplishment. Having someone in your life who believes in your goals and talents is number two. It can provide motivation to work on your dream and inspiration to make it great. Unfortunately when that person stops believing in you, it can set you back.  If the one you trust for motivation and inspiration no longer believes in you, you feel like your talent, and ideas are no longer valid. They are, evaluate your creativity in your own mind. Even though you have trusted and had faith in someone, having trust and faith in yourself is the most important thing you can do.  Believe in the dreams you have and have faith that life is helping you if you take your actions.
8. Don’t Stop Believing- The Journey song has never had more meaning to me. I have gained and lost faith in life this year. I have literally flown like a bird and seen the freedom from above. I have crashed and burned like the Hindenburg. It has been tempting to lose faith in other people, life, the world, you, me, Elvis, everything!! But as I sit here and feel the last moments of 2018 drift away into the reaches of history,  I can’t stop believing just yet.  There is going to be a new day tomorrow, and it will be the dawn of a new year. I don’t know what that year may hold for me, but I want to have the faith in my heart it will be good.  Dreams will come true and happy times will come along.  As much as I want to stop believing, I am just going to hold on to that feeling, streetlights people…………

So now as I end this last creative blurb from 2018 I am going to try to be as positive as possible. It isn’t easy. I think all years have a lot of the same things in them. Surprises, joy, love, heartbreak, sadness, victory and defeat.  2018 has brought all of these to me in a special way and I know that there will never be another one quite like it. I am hoping to take the good, forget the bad, forgive the people who have harmed me, and love those who have loved me.  This life is a short ride after all and our time is running out to accomplish our dreams.