21

Broken

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We are all carrying around broken pieces of ourselves because to experience life is to experience growth, and sometimes when we grow, it causes us to break a little on the inside.  These breaks come from significant, visible events of loss, like death, heartbreak, or physical trauma, but more often, these breaks are personal, and the loss and pain are known only to us. Each time, we experienced failure, loss, sadness, abuse, neglect, heartbreak, and fear.  It is up to each person to decide if they will put the pieces back together, hide them, or live with them the way they are. Each painful shard of our former selves or what we perceived ourselves to be is digging into our daily experience — a constant reminder of the pain of loss we just experienced.

Each of us learns to deal with our broken pieces in our own way. Most of the time, we gloss over them, hide them, and pretend we are ok with everything. Until they become too much and come tumbling out in a manner, we have no choice but to address them. One of the things we can do is be conscious of our thoughts, the emotions attached to them, the words we speak because we have been broken, and the actions we take, good or bad, because of it.

We are all Broken

The positive aspect of this situation is that all people, in one way or another, are broken. Being broken isn’t necessarily a negative thing; it is just a fact. It is how we choose to react that matters. When you look at others and their behavior, understanding that most of it comes from the experience of being broken by emotional pain or the fear of the pain of that experience becomes more understandable.

That doesn’t excuse poor behavior in any way. Action has its reward or punishment, but you can find more understanding of others when you realize they are just dealing with their broken pieces caused by the emotional distress in their past.

We are all living with this pain in one form or another.

There is a Lesson

Growth is a constant opportunity, and it seems that life will push you along the road of change, whether you want it or not.  Unfortunately, to become more complex, we have to grow from who we were to who we want to be, which is why we break.  It isn’t fair, kind, or pleasant in many cases; the trauma that breaks us can be horrific, and there may seem no lesson at all. Or if there is one where the price of learning is far too high.  Yet, here we are, and we have no choice in the situation at all. We only have a choice over the actions and growth or lack which results.

Every day, some people experience trauma.  It can destroy them. Only with time can the actual value of any situation be accepted, and the positive resulting from a tragedy may be revealed if you take the time to look for it.

That doesn’t mean we should all seek out painful situations, but it isn’t the end of you if you experience one. Whether you like it or not, it is a new beginning for you.  At some point in the healing process, you have to make a conscious choice to move forward or give up, which is your decision. Nobody can heal you with good intentions or kind words, and only you choose to see the value in yourself and the gift you have to contribute to the world.

Soft Eyes

I no longer judge people like I did when I was younger. I have been broken too often and have become adept at covering it up and surviving on my smile.  I know that in each person, there resides a version of me. If I had experienced those things, where would I be? I don’t look at people with hard eyes and judge where they are because it provides no value. Understanding offers value, and knowing that we are all in the same is somewhat comforting. To access comfort comes from looking outside of ourselves and recognizing the connection in all people’s experiences. Look with soft eyes at those who are struggling.

We are all dealing with the broken pieces we have been left with and doing things that make them less painful and make us feel more “normal.”  Some turn to drugs, alcohol, food, sex, or religion. Everyone is looking for a way to allow broken pieces to settle in a way that doesn’t hurt and, in the best case, to find healing.  Sometimes, people don’t recover; that is their story. We each decide for ourselves what we do with our pieces. Do we carry them around forever? Or do we place them kindly and lovingly down the road, remembering them but not allowing the pain to control our lives? Healing is the result.

Do Your Best

In the end, we can only do the best that we can with all of our trauma and loss. We have a finite amount of time to exist on the Earth as we are, and it is up to us whether we want to spend that time angry, scared, and frustrated or robust, happy, and fulfilled. We are all doing our best with what we have, which is all anyone can expect.

There is a brighter day ahead, it may be in a month, a year, or five years but if you keep the hope alive in your heart providing service to others, then eventually the pieces that are broken in you will naturally turn into who you are, and that is not something to fear.  Remember to focus on your conscious thoughts about how you have been broken. Focus on what you think about the circumstances. The words you choose to use when you speak will tell the world about your decisions. These will define your actions. We are all broken to one degree or another, and the challenge is to love life anyway.

“Being broken is like having broken ribs. On the outside, it looks like nothing’s wrong, but every breath hurts.”

“I am the broken that only comes when so many pieces are shattered off the whole that it forgets it ever painted a picture at all.” — Tyler Knott Gregson

“We’re all a little broken, but the last time I checked, broken crayons still color the same.”

“The world is filled with so many beautiful people, after all, and who am I to think that you will hold on, hold on to me, because who am I, and what are we?”

21

Behind You

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behind
All words have power. Behind is no different. Are you behind? Or are you mistaken?

There is a power in the world we gain from knowing what is behind us. There are a lot of ways that this word can be positively applied to your life. You can put things behind you and move on unencumbered by the past. You can find some wonderful things that are hidden just behind something, the sun behind a cloud, for example. Behind can be a motivator pushing us forward in pursuit of our goals. Focusing on the positive nature of the word can change your life for the better.

Put The Past Behind You

Undoubtedly, leaving the past behind you is a necessary step in one’s development. It can be challenging, for sure. We all have people and things we don’t want to lose.  But it isn’t easy to make space for new experiences that may make you wonder if you are still holding onto the past things. Always remember the lessons people and circumstances teach us, and move forward, looking for new people and things to embrace. They are out there waiting for you.

Putting the past behind you allows you to accept an attitude of possibility for the future, including everything you love to do and perhaps all the things you dream about. Even if your past was great, you can’t live there now. If you try, you will be stuck, standing still, looking back when the potential of today is floating past in life right before you. Putting your past behind you is a skill that must be learned, practiced, and mastered to become the best version of yourself.

Just Behind That

When looking for good things in life, sometimes we have to wait for a moment for a cloud or storm to pass, and then left in front of us is what we have wanted in our life. Not happy with your job? There may be a more desirable vocation just behind the one you dislike. Put it aside and see what is waiting. Not happy in your meaningful

look right behind that cloud for miracles
You can see the bright future coming just behind that cloud.

Relationships? Push them aside and look at them to see what lies there waiting for you. If you stay engaged in the current entanglement that you are not happy with, you will never find the positive situations that exist.

Peek behind the veil and see what is waiting for you. It takes courage to see what is waiting. It may be more or less than you hoped. Approach it without attachment, and most often, you will find something valuable for you that helps propel you on your way to becoming the person you have known you could be all along. If you can, take a peek and wait for the cloud to pass or the storm to subside. It is all there behind the obstruction, you see.

You Are Not Behind

You are not Behind, There you are, hurrying through your days and life because your mind tells you you have fallen behind. Others seem way ahead of us, and the worry of not being what we “should” deflates self-esteem.  When, in fact, you are really right where you need to be. The reality is it would be impossible to be anywhere else. Stop operating from needing to catch up and operate from the mindset that you are doing just fine because you are. Anyone else’s measure can’t judge your path because you are on a unique journey. It is yours alone, and there is no duplicate available.

You are not far behind!!!!

“Even if you fall on your face, you’re still moving forward.”- Victor Kiam.

“Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.” – Walt Whitman.

“Turn your face to the sun, and the shadows fall behind you.”-Charlotte Whitton.

“There are… two kinds of people: those who are changing and those who are setting themselves up to be victims of change. As the world continues to march on around us, if I am only maintaining the status quo – if I’m not growing – then I’m falling behind.”- Jim Clemmer.

24

Balance and Change

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It is one of life’s most commonly accepted axioms; everything changes. Why, then, do we spend so much time fighting against it? We are continually evolving in our outer experience and our inner experience as well. It is the challenge of being human that for our lives and the working systems of our bodies to grow and work well, they are faced with a significant problem.  We need to continually be open to new input and maintain an equilibrium of that system.

Let’s look at being human and consider what change means in our outer and inner lives. When you look at how dependent we are on transition, perhaps we will be a little less resistant to it when it enters our lives.  Change is the cycle that allows us to grow into what we are meant to be, and it will enable us to have the entire life experience in a physical sense — ending with the last change to non-existence.

Inner Changes and Balance

Inside of all people, several complex systems are working to keep us functioning at our highest potential level. These systems help us digest our food, circulate our blood, breathe, think, and move, to name a few vital functions.  All of these systems are working to maintain a balance and avoid extremes. This is a constant struggle because as we continually allow new things into a system, a chance that they may harm us or throw that system out of balance exists.  But that is the risk we must take in any order.

Not allowing new additions to a system forces that system to die, which is not a good alternative for those who depend on breathing, eating, thinking, having a heart that beats, etc.  So we must ride the delicate balance between maintaining equilibrium and introducing new things into our systems.  The food we eat sustains us, but if it isn’t healthy, it causes our systems to weaken and eventually fall out of balance. Then we need to struggle, either with weight, diabetes, heart problems, or some other out-of-balance challenge.

Outside is a Balance Too

This is a less obvious one because we are continually trying to prove to the world that we are separate from all others, but in the end, we are just going to show that we need balance with other people as well.  We develop close personal relationships, with some just passing friendships and others who are our sworn enemies. But all links are input into our lives, and they cause us to move beyond where we are. If you took all the information out of life, you are working with a dead system.  Just like the food we eat provides energy for our day, the people we spend time with give the power for our experiences.

We struggle to maintain an equilibrium in our lives, but we continually need new people coming into our existence to teach us new things and allow us to grow. They can all be a challenge, but without them, we will stagnate and not experience growth.  But on a less serious note, we will not be able to be the best people we can be, sitting by ourselves and avoiding contact with people.  You have to let others enter your life, have conversations outside your comfort zone, and grow.  Like food in the body or oxygen in the lungs, other people provide the fuel for improvement and growth.  But it is always a balance to maintain the time you need for yourself and the time you need with others.

Life changes constantly threaten balance, but that is the way of things. Nobody can stay the same in life. New ideas are going to come into your life, on the inside and the outside. Our part is to recognize this will happen and do our best to ride the wave and keep our balance. If we should wipe out, then learn the lesson and move forward as best we can.

“Fortunate, indeed, is the man who takes exactly the right measure of himself and holds a just balance between what he can acquire and what he can use.” – Peter Latham.

“Change is inevitable, and the disruption it causes often brings both inconvenience and opportunity.”   —Robert Scoble

“Change is inevitable. Progress is optional.”  —Tony Robbins

 

Life

Welcome to Haircut Day

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My most recent haircut day, 9/07/23

It all grew out of the pandemic. That is how the tradition started. Like many things in life, good and beautiful things can grow from our challenges. Often, I think that is why these obstacles come into our lives. That is true for haircut day and the monthly joy it brings.

You may or may not remember, but during the pandemic of 2020 it wasn’t easy to get a haircut anywhere. Every shop was closed, and we were just left to our own devices, and it was not something I liked. I have developed an affinity for a particular type of cut. High and tight, skin on the sides and two on the top. It doesn’t matter if you understand what that means, but it is essential that you know that I think it is the most comfortable, manageable, and best feeling cut there is. Imagine feeling the wind on your head or the hot water when you shower. It is amazing. Also, there is the zero maintenance factor. Other than during the pandemic, I hadn’t combed my hair in years. It is amazing!

I have the ability to grow hair, which many might envy. However, time has replaced the color of youth with the dreaded color of age, which can be depressing to look at. The shorter the hair, the less visible the gray is. It is a win for me, and I am less disappointed when I look in the mirror in the morning. All this took me to Farmington, Maine, at some point during the national crisis of 2020.

I looked around Augusta to get a cut, but all the places were closed or limited; it was like visiting Fort Knox to keep your head well-groomed. That is when I thought of the best haircuts I had ever gotten, and it made me think of Farmington, Maine.    I lived in Farmington in the late 1980’s and early 90’s. It is about 30 minutes from me, and that time commitment would be worth it for a good trim. So to Farmington, I went.

I searched for downtown barber shops and came up with Broadway Barber Shop; stopped by; they were open, and although they followed all of the protocols of the time, they were friendly and made you feel a human connection. It was great. After months of foolish rules and fabricated social distancing standards, once again, I felt human. And they did a great job.

I started to make a monthly pilgrimage to Farmington for the same service, and they never disappointed me. Over time, the trip developed into more than just getting my hair cut. It turns into a morning ritual, which I enjoy quite a bit.

First, I schedule a haircut every four weeks, from 9-10 AM, whatever my favorite hair person has available on a Saturday. This part is always enjoyable as we talk about our lives and ensure life is moving in the right direction. After the beautiful cut, I pay, say thank you, set the next month’s appointment, and then take a quick walk through downtown Farmington.

Farmington has changed, yet it is still the same in many ways. I know nobody in or around the town and rarely see anyone who knows me. But walking through that town, I am visited by the memory of many people I knew once upon a time and feel that so many definitely impacted me. My first stop is the Dunkin’ downtown, where I get a coffee and sit down and drink it.

As you see the people move in and out of that place, there is a combination of college students and townsfolk, which reminds me of what it was like 35 years ago when I was a student at UMF. My mind will wander back to days of fall at school and the many people I shared that time with. It is funny how we never realize that we live in a magical time until it is long over. It is only visible through the lens of retrospection.

In a way, I feel very fortunate that I do recognize how lucky I was to have that experience, and of course, like all positive, good things, you wish you could be there again. Yet we know the past is gone, and we can’t get it back. No matter what we do. However, all of the marks, the good things we love, and the complex challenges we face are still inside us. Sometimes they provide hope for our ability to overcome difficult things; sometimes, they provide regret for things we lost.

After coffee, I make sure I take a quick walk through the campus. When school is in session, I see kids moving quickly with a purpose and remember walking in their shoes. I wonder if they realize the value of the experience they are having right now. When school is on a break, there are empty streets where only ghosts of the past stroll by—inevitably reminding you of good memories and people from earlier days. I often ponder how many others feel the same way I feel about this town in the middle of Franklin County. I don’t know the answer; all I have learned is that the roots I put down many years ago still provide some connection to the people and times I lived.

Perhaps it is just getting old or a trick of the mind, but I remember Farmington as a special place, and it was the people that made it such. All those people went their separate ways, but when I go to haircut day, I see them all, just in my mind.

In conclusion, there are places, people, and things we carry inside of us for the entirety of our lives.  If we are very lucky, they are good places.  These locations are places we can touch our pasts, if only for a second.  I don’t know if it is a good thing or a bad, but I am looking forward to the next one. October is a fine month to visit Farmington, Maine.  I may see you there.

 

Poem

Embracing the Dance of Change

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Through the confusion we call life, we find a truth, A timeless axiom, age-old and uncouth, Everything changes, a dance so profound, Yet against this rhythm, we often are bound.

Why resist the flow, the ever-shifting tide, When within its embrace, our spirits can ride? Human hearts, like seasons, forever evolve, In the intricate dance of problems they solve.

Outer landscapes transform with the passage of days, And inner realms shift, in enigmatic ways, A challenge given, a gift to bestow, Embracing new input, we constantly grow.

Systems within us, a delicate dance, Equilibrium sought, a cosmic romance, To flourish, to thrive, we must understand, Change is the brush that paints life’s grand events planned.

Let’s ponder the essence of being alive, The transitions that shape us, and help us survive, With each ebb and flow, we step to the light, Resisting the current will dim our inner sight.

Change is the mirror that reflects our true form, Guiding us through life’s tempest and storm, A cycle of growth, a river that flows, From inception to end, where existence bestows.

So let’s welcome the changes, the twists, and the turns, For within each shift, a lesson discerns, From birth until the last breath, in a constant dance, We embrace the change, and life’s fleeting chance.

Poem

Thoughts on Summer

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In the embrace of summer’s golden rays, Time slows, and worries find their distant ways. A chance to grow, bloom, and rise, Like nature’s treasures under high, deep skies.

Free time, a gift, a precious boon, To wander freely, ‘neath the shining moon. Exploring realms near and far, Discovering wonders, like a shooting star.

Warm weather flows from, the sun’s tender touch, Enveloping us all in its gentle clutch. The world awakens in a vibrant hue, Inviting us to savor all that’s new.

With fewer worries, hearts take flight, A carefree dance, in pure delight. Friends laugh and play, their spirits soar, Sharing joy and memories to adore.

Among the blossoms, love finds its way, Like whispers carried on a breeze’s sway. Two souls entwined, in love’s sweet embrace, In summer’s splendor, they find their place.

Learning, is a journey, forever we yearn, In this season of growth, there’s much to learn. Through laughter and tears, we gain insight, and Expanding horizons, like wings in flight.

So, let us revel in this summer’s embrace, Embrace the warmth, the love, the grace. In free time’s arms, we’ll soar and sing, And cherish the moments that summer’s time will bring.

Poem

Challenges In Life

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In our path of life, we seek ease, A gentle breeze to carry us with grace, But challenges arrive, like storms that seize, And push us into paths we can’t embrace.

Oh, how we wish for roads without a thorn, Where petals line the way, without a care, Yet struggles come, like shadows that are born, To teach us how to rise, to learn, to dare.

In moments when the world feels like a weight, When darkness shrouds the dreams we hold so dear, Remember, it’s the trials that navigate, To forge the strength that will dispel our fear.

Through hurdles vast, we find our truest might, For in the crucible, we’re refined gold, Each obstacle, a chance to take to flight, To be the best version our hearts can hold.

Embrace the growth that springs from every test, For deep within, resilience takes root, With each challenge, a chance to be our best, And find a strength that’s boundless and acute.

So let us welcome trials with open heart, As opportunities for growth and change, Through ups and downs, we’ll carve our unique art, And on life’s canvas, colors rearrange.

For though we long for ease throughout the way, It’s challenges that help our souls ascend, They shape us, mold us, make us who we may, And lead us to our finest self, my friend.

Poem

Embracing Darkness

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In shadows deep, where light retreats, A realm of darkness lies and greets, Its vast expanse, a mystery, The opposite of light’s decree.

Within us all, it takes a place, A part of life’s enduring grace, For knowing darkness, we can stride, Through darkest nights, unafraid, we guide.

Embrace the void, the depths within, For facing darkness is to win, The veil removed, the truth revealed, In darkest corners, light’s concealed.

From night to day, the cycle’s dance, The sun, and moon, in cosmic trance, For birth to death, a seamless flow, In darkness’ womb, life’s seeds do grow.

Ignorance yields to wisdom’s might, As knowledge pierces through the night, In shadows lurk both good and bad, The interplay of all we’ve had.

From love to fear, the spectrum is broad, In darkness’ grasp, emotions hide, But fear not, for the light’s embrace, Shall guide you to a sacred space.

So face the darkness that you bear, And let it teach you how to care, For knowing darkness brings forth sight, A beacon shining through the night.

In unity, the opposites bind, Embracing both, the soul will find, That darkness holds the seeds of light, In harmony, they dance in flight.

So let us learn to stand and see, The hidden truth, so wild and free, For in the darkness, lies the key, To finding light’s eternity.

Poem

In a Small Town

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In a small town where dreams align, Where golden sunsets warmly shine, High school days, a tapestry spun, We cruised through life, like the setting sun.

With friends in tow, we roamed the streets, Made poor decisions, life’s heartbeats, Yet shared our triumphs and mistakes, A bond so strong, it never breaks.

On dusty roads, we’d play and run, With laughter, joy, and spirit spun, In sports we found our hearts’ delight, our teams, united, shining bright.

Old-fashioned values held us close, With care and love, we all were chose, When troubles brewed, and skies turned gray, Together, we’d find a brighter day.

We danced with summer’s sweet embrace, Freedom embraced, no time to waste, In twilight’s glow, with friends so near, We chased the stars, no doubts, no fear.

Concerts rang out, a rhythmic beat, In music’s arms, our souls would meet, And there, amidst the vibrant crowd, We found new friends and love allowed.

Through high school’s path, we’d sometimes sway, in trouble’s depths, we’d lose our way, But lessons learned, we’d rise above, Encouraged by the ones we love.

Now memories etched in hearts, so deep, Of high school days in slumbered sleep, In that small town, forever bound, Where our own friendship and love were found.

Poem

Time Lines

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In the river of eternity, Time flows, A current swift, unstoppable it goes, Through the canyons of existence, it carves, A reminder that all we cherish, time starves.

With each sunrise, a treasure is bestowed, A precious gift, a day yet to be shown, But heed the ticking of the cosmic clock, For time, waits not, it races, it won’t dock.

In youth’s embrace, we dance with careless glee, As if endless moments we hold, carefree, Yet, like sand through an hourglass, it slips, And soon, we’re faced with life’s departing ships.

Through seasons, we can’t halt Time’s grand parade, The blossoms bloom, then wither, start to fade, The golden leaves, they too will kiss the ground, A cycle bound by Time, forever bound.

But fret not, for within each fleeting beat, Lie chances to embrace life’s rhythm sweet, To cherish every second as it flies, To seize the moments, before they disguise.

Let not the burden of lost time consume you, Embrace the present, let your heart be room, For Time’s a gift, not just a ticking clock, A chance to write our stories on life’s eternal rock.

So, let us savor each day’s gentle grace, And let love’s tender touch light up our face, For in this boundless tapestry we weave, The threads of time are ours to interleave.

Remember, time’s a friend and not a foe, With every tick, it gifts us seeds to sow, Embrace the journey, cherish every chime, For in this life, we only have so much time.

Personal Growth, Self Improvement, Positive Thinking