Monthly Archives: December 2021

21

Character

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My goal is to establish a positive focus every morning by focusing on a positive word or phrase. There are enough negative influences in the world, and I believe that through a conscious focus of thought, we can improve our emotions, words, and actions and make the world a better place one thought, feeling, word, and move at a time.   What is Your character today?  

Character Is

The mental and moral qualities an individual possesses determine the contents of nature.  This benefit is not something you are born with; it is a force you manage throughout your life. Character is a series of daily choices you make in where you spend your attention, your time, and, most importantly, how you choose to deal with other people.

Your character is ever-evolving and can be redefined many times throughout your life.  Today, at this moment, is the only chance you have to reveal what you are made of, and that makes all of your decisions valuable to what you are and the energy you produce each day. Character is what you do when you think nobody is looking.  Remember, you are always looking. You can’t fool yourself.  Consciously develop the style you want to represent you.

The Shifting Sands of Character

When you are born, you do not have any character. As you grow in life, you make choices in how you deal with others and what you accept for yourself, which will define you to the world.  It is important to remember that if you behave selfishly or negatively towards others, that defines your character and is who you are.  Focus on the things you do in each moment, the decisions you make, the actions you take, and the thoughts you are focusing on in your life.  Do they honor you? At the end of your life, when you look back at this moment, is it going to be one that you are proud of representing you?

If it isn’t, then you have a chance to change your outlook by making more positive choices.  Each moment contains a decision: to be happy or sad, kind or mean, loving or fearful, the sum of your options will define your character.  Once you understand you can develop that character, you have no excuse not to become a better person.  Two simple things are involved:  honesty about who you are and a willingness to grow and improve. Only your self-imposed limitations can stop you from progressing.

Set Goals, Be Better

When you look at yourself and your thoughts and behaviors, honestly, there will be two categories: Things you are doing well and things you want to improve.  Look at your choices, which enhance and display the character you wish to possess.  Enjoy them and feel good about who you are! Then look at where improvement is needed.  Set some goals to become better, and then take action by implementing them in your life.  If you feel you need to be kinder to people, then make that a conscious focus of your day.  When you see a deficit in generosity, then look for ways to be more generous with the positive things in your life.   Don’t deceive yourself; your character results from the daily conscious or subconscious choices you make daily. Only you decide this.

Why Character is Important

Developing your character matters because it will define who you are and how you contribute to the world.  All people are complicated, and we possess both the capability for great good and great evil.  The conscious choices we make determine the path we walk down.   Your preferences for the character will decide who you are in this life.   Are you a positive force for good, or do you choose to be a negative force for evil? That is why our character has value. It determines the choices we have made in the world and how we decide to work with life.

It is a constant battle inside every person to maintain the positive qualities of honesty over deceit, kindness over meanness, giving over selfishness, confidence over doubt, or love over fear.  Your value to the world and its collective experience is defined and determined by your character’s choices. Developing a better character is going to make the world collectively more positive.

Challenge today

The simple challenge today is to examine your choices right now with clarity and honesty.  Where are they leading you?  Define the areas you are doing well and feel positive about it.  Define the improvement that is needed and create goals to become better.  The character you define is your own, and you are solely responsible for the kind of person you will be today and in this life.

Quotes on Character

“Most people say that it’s the intellect which makes a great scientist, and they are wrong: it is character.” – Albert Einstein.

“Character is the result of two things: Mental attitude and the way we spend our time.”  – Elbert Hubbard

“Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character” – Albert Einstein

“Character is what you know you are, not what others think you have” –Unknown

 

 

21

Destiny

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Destiny- the hidden power believed to control what will happen in the future; fate.

DestinyThere are always going to be questioned in people’s minds. Why is this happening? Why did that occur? Why this experience? Are there forces at work in our lives that we have little control over?  Do we have a destiny, or is life all about free will?  Or both?  Questions are the tools of all thinking people searching for answers. They guide our minds toward solutions and actions.  Whether you believe every person has a destiny or not is irrelevant to me because we all have a destination. Whether you are fated to get there or not is a matter of semantics because you will get there.  Your life will be full of challenges, changes, and choices you will have to make. Each one is propelling you toward other challenges, transitions, and options. This cycle will continue in a loop until the end of your time.

Each of these decisions you make and experiences you have to change you, your outlook, and the skills others have with you.  So do you control these choices, or does it come from the Universe?  Just contemplating this situation will increase your consciousness. It all starts with you taking a moment and looking at your thoughts, words, and actions today as you determine the extent of your experiences.

 Choices of Destiny

Why does one person become a wild success and another a failure? I think it has very little to do with what is destined to happen and more to do with our reaction to situations and the choices we make.  To believe that only one destiny is available would seem to take away the joy of growth and learning.  Who is to say that there are not two or three or a million different destinies available to us and how we react to the challenges we face determines where we land.  Each day we are faced with the simple choice to accept where we are or to do something different.  To be a positive force in the world we live in or harmful.

You will be responsible for the place you are in right now. Situations are out of our control. How we react to them is our choice always, and the definition of your life is the result.  Losing a job, ending a relationship, a natural disaster, or the sudden death of a loved one are all examples of things happening out of your control.  How you have reacted to these things defines your life today.  Good, bad, or indifferent.  It wasn’t the events that created this destiny, it was your choices and resulting beliefs developed because of them.  You are free to choose something else at any time.

Create Your Destiny

What is it that you want in life? Would you like a more fulfilling relationship? To have more money? To have an exciting career? What is it that interests you?  Knowing that will help guide your choices when facing the challenges life will inevitably present you. Many people have no clear desire or destination in life, so their reactions to challenges are emotional and inconsistent.  In the words of Lewis Carroll, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”

Your destiny can be the result of a series of conscious choices, or it can be the result of your unconscious meandering.  Having a clear idea of what you would like to have in your life will allow you to take the right road and take responsibility for those choices. Don’t hide behind the false wall of pity. No hero’s story was ever built with the boards of self-pity and fear.  Be brave, be responsible for your choices, and know where you would like to go. Picture your desired destination and take actions that most likely move you in that direction. That is your true destiny.

Be a Hammer, Not a Nail

I was once taught there are two choices in life, and at different times we are the experiencers of both: Be a hammer or a nail.  That means you are either the provider of forces influencing the events around you. Or you are the instrument being influenced by the power of situations, other people, or whatever else you allow to control you.  You have the choice in most cases where you fall into this relationship.

Sometimes, we will be the nail no matter what we do.  Accept the situation, be responsible for your part, and look for ways to influence the direction of things from that point. You will face challenges in life, and they are opportunities for growth, accomplishment, and finding your destiny.  Accept the challenge with courage and character, and you will find the lesson in the problem more quickly.

It all starts with a more engaged consciousness, a thought, and focused action. Look at your thoughts, and they determine the words you speak and result in your efforts.  It is your destiny; take control of it today.

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves. It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward.”

“Love is our true destiny. I can control my destiny, but not my fate. Destiny is no matter of chance.”

 

21

Detach

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We all have desires and things we want in our lives. But if you focus too much on that one thing, life can slip away from you. It is always healthy to maintain some detachment to the idea you desire.  The biggest problem with having something good is that it comes with a similar fear of losing that thing. The protection from this fear is a measure of detachment or the state of being objective. This objectivity is a difficult skill because when you have a desire, it is difficult to maintain any objectivity and the corresponding emotions, leading to a negative, fear-driven mindset.  Detachment allows you to keep positive energy as you achieve your goals.

Law of Detachment- Letting go of your desire or releasing. 

Detachment from Your Expectations

In life, there are events we look forward to experiencing.  Any milestone or accomplishment brings anticipation, and naturally, expectations will arise in your mind.  This is the place where detachment needs to come into play. When you start to place expectations on the result of something, it is in danger of not being successful.  Once hope comes to you, the mind creates negative worry scenarios about how it might not happen the way you wish. This negative energy will make success and enjoyment difficult.

One of the greatest lessons of playing organized sports is learning to let the result be and take joy and care in doing what you need to do to reach your accomplishments.  This pleasure is accomplished by detaching yourself from the outcome and attaching yourself to doing what you are responsible for in getting there. The results will be what they are, and they will provide something exceptional.  A goal will be achieved, or there will be an opportunity to reassess and try again.  If you don’t practice detachment, one setback can destroy your enthusiasm and confidence.  The results do not define your value, and your actions on the way determine your worth.

Detachment and Charged Thoughts

Think for a moment about something you want to happen in your life.  It could be a new job, a relationship, or anything else.  You will have an initial charge of positivity followed by a litany of worry and fear.  This parade of negative thoughts can derail your efforts before they even get off the ground. It is beneficial for you to maintain a positive perspective, even if others in your life don’t—positive thoughts inside lead to positive results on the outside.

It is up to you to detach from the natural thought to dream up the worst-case scenario of whatever you are involved in in your life.  This detachment is a way of bracing yourself for all outcomes, and anything result will most likely not be a disappointment.  But disappointment can only come from expectations unfulfilled. Don’t create negative images in your mind; negative thoughts inside lead to negative results. Think differently than you have and maintain your individuality of view from those around you.

Letting Go and Letting things Happen

Letting things go is very hard for people to do. It is human nature to attempt to control things from the beginning to the end. But life will teach you that it just isn’t possible or healthy to do.  When you give up your need to control events or other people, you will only be responsible for yourself and what you do.  Too often, we are spending so much effort to attempt to control events in our lives and other people in our lives that we lose focus on the fact, all we manage is ourselves.

Allow things to happen as they should.  We all want great things to happen in our lives, relationships, money, or whatever we desire. But you can’t force things to happen.  All items come with steps of experience that bring them into reality. Building a business or a relationship all come with growing events along the way.  Enjoy these events, learn from them, and allow them to grow into what they bring to your life in growth and understanding.  Many a bad relationship was created by forcing it to perform as expected.  Let go and let things develop as they should.

Detach and Let Things Flow

Control is and always will be an illusion to humankind.  We have little control over the grand scheme of life, and we can only control how we react to events and people. That is it.  We build attachments to things in our minds and find it hard not to build up imaginary scenarios of what it will feel like and how life will change as we accomplish something.  It is better to know what you want and be willing to flow in whatever direction works best. Often the best route to our goals moves in a guide we would never have envisioned.  Take that route.

The other form of control that people often rely on is the control of other people. Usually, loved ones that we want to protect from hard times or difficulties.  However, this is an illusion too. All people have free will to choose what they want. Any control that you experience with another comes only from their consent. If you think you are in charge, you will be in for an awakening.  Detach from that and allow people to follow their path, learn their lessons, and become the best they can be.

In the end, failure to practice detachment from your ego and its limited beliefs grows out of a fear of change and how it might adversely affect you.  Let the fear go and allow for things to happen as they will. This isn’t easy to do, but letting go of your conditioning from the past will enable you to accept unlimited answers and experiences.

“Detachment is not that you should own nothing. But that nothing should own you.” -Ali ibn abi Talib

“He who would be serene and pure needs but one thing, detachment.” -Meister Eckhart

“The root of suffering is attachment.“- Buddha

“Detachment doesn’t mean I’m trying less hard. It just means that fears and emotions that used to torment and paralyze me longer have the same power over me.” -Kelly Cutrone

 

21

Be Still

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Positive Thought Project

Stillness –  the absence of movement or sound.

As a young person, stillness didn’t factor in my life.  I often got impatient with what life was bringing. Hurry up! Let’s get to the next stage already. I couldn’t wait to have new experiences and see new things. Being impatient is one of the shortfalls of youth.  There are patterns in life, and each has its purpose; as a young person, I didn’t comprehend or appreciate the value each stage brings.  Life presents us

Quiet moments at dawn or dusk can provide more answers than many other experiences.
Quiet moments at dawn or dusk can provide more answers than many other experiences.

With many challenging circumstances, thrills, accomplishments, and disappointments.  It is essential to find moments of mindful introspection, a relaxing lull in life with all the excitement.  Taking advantage of the down moments begins with paying attention to our thoughts, words, and actions.  Every day we have a chance to enjoy the stillness around us and grow from the simple act of introspection.  Contemplating how far we have come, where we are at right now, and the destination we would like to reach in the future.

Quiet Time

A quiet period is a time life gives you a space to look around and take a breath or two.

Quiet periods come in life to give you the space to look around, take a breath or two, and see how you are doing. Often there is a lull period after any big moment, positive or negative,  where a person needs a chance to gather themselves before moving toward the next goal, adventure, challenge, or life experience.

Unfortunately, in our society, downtime is not appreciated or valued.  It is looked upon as wasted time or an unwanted time of emptiness. A time that you could spend doing something. We work to fill all of our moments with mindless entertainment. Games, TV, movies, or just music in the background all engage our minds and stop us from thinking about anything of substance. What are we afraid of after all?

Wisdom in Silence

We are afraid of the silence because if we think about our lives, we might see the places we are falling short.  There is a wisdom in that silence we might catch if we find a quiet moment.  Your thoughts may lead to a change in behavior and a greater appreciation for the people and things already in life. So often, we are always looking for that job or that relationship that will make us happy. We never realize that we are capable of being happy right now.  That is the gold one can find in the stillness.

Reflection

Reflection is am important part of learning. Take the time to reflect on what you experience.
Reflection is am an essential part of learning. Take the time to reflect on what you experience.

Reflection is one of the most valuable things that I have taken from the lull periods of my life.  Whenever there is an ending of any kind, there will be a calm period. Sunshine after rain, tranquility after turmoil, seems to be the gift of life. It may be only for a moment, or it may be longer, but the time should be used to evaluate and appreciate the situation you have just experienced, who you are, and the value it has brought to life. Then let it go, taking the lessons with you, into the gift of the stillness and out into the world beyond the learning.

Processing traumatic, emotional events is not always easy. The value of experience can’t be seen through pain, fear, and doubt.  The dots can only be connected, looking backward.  We choose to embrace things or ignore them, but they are still there. It is in the stillness that we can choose our path.  We need to learn specific life lessons before moving on to something else, more complex or advanced. The silence allows us to evaluate a situation you have just gone through and the feelings that have arisen in you, and how it has affected your mind and heart.  That is the gift that stillness can give you a moment to understand, learn, evaluate, process, and hopefully move forward with a complete toolbox.

Questions Lead to Answers

Reflection is a time that I have learned to cherish. To look at even bad situations which are not enjoyable to find that lesson. It has always been there, and if you don’t learn it now, it will present itself again, later.  Before long, you will be on to the next adventure of life, and there won’t be time to look back appropriately and to find the answers.  When the calming times present themselves to you, take advantage and look for the meaning of the experience, ask the questions; What did I learn? How Was this valuable? What am I not seeing yet? Seek the motive in the situation, understand the movement of life around you, learn what you need to know to be the best version of yourself.

There is a lesson to learn about the relationship, the job, the trip, the climb, the project, the graduation, the birth, the death …………  In a moment of quiet, there are the answers you are seeking. They are waiting in the ripples of a lake or underneath the rocks of a river, or in the quiet of a moment. Take that moment and look for them. They provide beauty to all of life that most people miss because they are too busy avoiding thought to look inside the stillness and understand the message that is living there specifically for you to hear.

Life is full of patterns, of “highs” and “lows” that are only different moments of mental intensity that allow for learning or understanding.  Many live their entire lives with questions and never take the time to seek answers. Experience makes a deal with us that there is always a reason behind it all.  The stillness provides time for reflection and contemplation; we can find solutions if we recognize the lull’s value and appreciate the silence and the answers it gives. It all starts with how you look at your thoughts, words, and actions. Be still today, know what you have experienced, see where you are, and plan for going.

“Look at a tree, a flower, a plant. Let your awareness rest upon it. How still they are, how deeply rooted in Being. Allow nature to teach you stillness.” Eckhart Tolle

“Nothing in all creation is so like God as stillness.”~Meister Eckhart

Life

We Suffer

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One of the experiences the recent pandemic has given us all is suffering. Suffering is one of the experiences of being human, and it has the potential to shape our lives significantly. Pain can be a negative influence forcing us to avoid dealing with painful things. They don’t disappear; they hang around inside us, often growing in power and influence throughout our lives. Some instances occurred when you were a child, something someone said that harmed you, or a situation that made you feel pain and suffering.  We learn to push these things aside rather than deal with them. They do not push aside; they follow us continually until you finally deal with them. The unhappiest people have more of these entities of past suffering following them than others.

But it can all change with a bit of self-honesty to recognize where these situations came from and take away their power. Suffering will disappear like a ghost when they are illuminated by honesty.  Painful life experiences are meant to teach and lead to growth, not make us meek or angry or less than we are. It is up to you to decide when to face it, shine a light on it, and let the negative energy of emotional pain from your past go. Once you do, you create room for new positive experiences.

Awareness of Your Suffering

Your relationships will improve and become more durable if you learn to communicate your pain to those you care about in life.  How else could they possibly know what you are going through? If you feel angry because your life has been turned upside down, your freedom is limited, and you can’t do what you have always done. Talk about it.  It is through understanding and dealing with our suffering. We can then understand the suffering of others and how to lessen it.

Your ability to show compassion and understanding will strengthen your relationships. Think of the opportunity you have lost if you deny your suffering; you will lack the tools to be genuinely empathetic and compassionate toward others.  In every relationship you have, have ever had, or ever will have, take open and honest communication to be healthy.

Compassion for Others

Once you have honestly understood and communicated your suffering, it loses its power over you and gives you an understanding of how others are suffering in their lives as well. Not only do you understand, but you have compassion for their issues. All suffering brings pain and knowing the pain in yourself is understanding how another feels dealing with it.

Finding these things out is as simple as noticing when they occur and tracing the thoughts back to their source.  What is the situation that led to you feeling this way? Crowds of people make me nervous, and I am working on this.  I notice the feelings of anxiety, see what causes it, and then look back on life and seek other times I felt the same.  Connect the dots of similarity in these events, and then you have the common denominator.

Take some time when the pain arises to experience it and observe what it is. Please don’t close the door on it and push it away from your consciousness. That is how it gains power over you and becomes an almost automatic response to situations in your life.  Some pain within you allows it to enter your life. Resolve that pain, and you let those painful things go.  When we experience pain for so long, it is difficult not to identify with it.  For me, I’m not too fond of crowds, which isn’t true. I don’t particularly appreciate how being in groups of people makes me feel. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Conscious Thought

Once you have noticed where your suffering comes from, then it is up to you to shine a light on it and not let it hide back into the background of your thoughts.  It is simple to make the pain recede from your mind as just a part of life. Until it returns with more power, we want to deal with unresolved things but sometimes don’t realize we can do anything about them. But we do, and the best thing is to deal with them with our conscious attention.

Allowing your thoughts to stay with the suffering and where it came from, who it came from is an enlightening experience.  The initial pain could be caused by something serious, like the death of a loved one, but not very often because those things are apparent, and most people understand that sadness and pain revolve around those events. It is OK to have emotions, and most are resolved in the natural way of things. It is the small hurts that we shouldn’t let bother us. Those are the things we have problems dealing with in our challenges.  We are told to “be tough” and not express emotions.  Emotions are our natural way to understand ourselves, and to repress them only gives situations power over you.  Notice these things that cause you pain, and stay with them, experience them once and for all, and you will sever the ties of control they have over you.  Conscious thought is the light you shine on the darkness of your suffering.

End of the Suffering

Once you have exposed the suffering and held it in your conscious mind, it is easy to see where it comes from in life.  Was it a thought expressed long ago by a teacher? A parent? A classmate? A sibling? Whoever it was, many of these things have no real relevance in your life as an older adult and dealing with them head-on removes them and the suffering from your life.

An example would be that someone said something negative to you in the 7th grade, and you chose to allow that thing to be relevant to you. It continued to travel with you in the form of suffering because you never dealt with it. Now here you are many years later, still letting that negative situation exist.

Take a moment and document your causes of suffering. What causes you pain in life?  Do you require drama in your relationships? When do you suffer anger or irritation to someone or something? What sets you off?  Do you ever desire to cause pain to others? Notice all negative or undesirable moods you have and find the thoughts you associate with them.  Most often, that will lead you up the path to the creation of these emotions. Creating a conscious thought about these things reveals that you are no longer there at the beginning when something happened to cause you pain. You can let it go and live your life free of that suffering.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

“Suffering has been stronger than all other teachings and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” ― Charles Dickens

“Do you not see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?” ― John Keats

 

 

 

21

Greater Things

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Life gives us all a daily fill of experiences. Some are fun, interesting, and naturally rewarding, while others are boring, difficult, and even painful. All of our experiences combine to create who we are, or better said, they make the thoughts that tell us who we are.

Sometimes we make assumptions about ourselves and the world around us that are inaccurate. These false ideas are based on our lives and the pain, suffering,  joy, or enjoyment we have experienced throughout our lives.  We have the ability at any time to permit ourselves to open our minds to the possibility that there are many positive things for us to find in our future lives.  When you feel you need a change in life, permit yourself to move into a more favorable situation.  In short, change your perception of yourself and your abilities, which will improve the experience you have in your life. It sounds simple, but let’s look at how this will work and what it will look like in the future.

Letting Go- Moving On

Too often in life, we find ourselves in desperate need of change, but we are unwilling to take action or let go of the past.  Things may be quite comfortable where you are, and it seems like it would be crazy to change from the secure cocoon of your environment.  You know you need change when you start to have some tentative feelings, which you know whatever it is will be right for you. Perhaps you spend a lot of time regretting never saying or doing certain things. Or feeling the fear of change but still wanting to do it anyway.  Look inside of yourself and listen to the guidance you have.

The past is great, it creates learning experiences, and we have positive and negative ones based on the amount of suffering connected to them. Too many lives get to a certain point in a career or a family where they feel there are no new options or that the way things are in the way, they will always be.  I would argue that things are never going to be as they ever were.  You can be a catalyst for change, or you can be the victim of it.  Permit yourself to let go of what was, good or bad, and move forward with what you want to become. At this time, you are ready to learn something new and remind yourself exactly who you are. You have way more input into that than you realize. You can permit yourself to let go and move forward any time you choose.

Learn and Grow

Permitting yourself to change, move forward, or, more accurately, grow into the person you are is empowering.  Change is happening all the time, and giving yourself permission to learn and grow, gives you a chance to create a future orientation around your thoughts. No matter where you find yourself right now, the opportunity exists to learn and grow from here into whatever type of person you want to be. Then you can move forward with a statement of what exactly you want to experience and feel in your life.

As your mind expands and the thoughts you create become more forward-thinking, you introduce a potential of what a life can be and mean to you. You have the opportunity to become whatever type of person you want to be. It all starts with permitting yourself to do so, allowing yourself to begin engaging your competency in thought and actions, and being creative with it. Your expansion of possibilities outside of the accepted norms you have been bound by up until now. You have permission to learn and grow any time you want to claim it.

Give Permission for What You Want

There are no natural limits to what you can permit yourself to go after. Whether you get what you want will be up to a combination of your persistence, talent, and heart, but knowing you deserve whatever it is you want should never be a debate.  Permit yourself to change to a better version of yourself.  It may be the bravery you seek in life to do the things you haven’t dared. It may be the strength you need to maintain your efforts over time. It may be honesty you would like more of in your world to be more truthful in all situations. Perhaps it is defensive actions you would like to use to protect yourself from the slings and arrows of the mean people in the world.  Whatever it is you need, permit yourself to have it.

Most of us have been permitting ourselves to feel wrong about some aspect of our lives. It is just as easy to permit yourself to have and enjoy whatever you want to have. It will excite the bravery inside you and allow you to perform at your highest level of power. Permitting yourself to acknowledge your accomplishments, large and small, will build your confidence and enable you to achieve whatever goals you have. Give yourself permission to feel good and be the best person you possibly can be.

“We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone, and as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”-Marianne Williamson

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”-Mahatma Gandhi

“Nature doesn’t ask your permission; it doesn’t care about your wishes or whether you like its laws or not. You’re obliged to accept it as it is, and consequently all its results as well.”-Fyodor Dostoevsky.