Monthly Archives: July 2022

22

Learning is a Life Skill

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Learn-gain or acquire knowledge of or skill in (something) by study, experience, or being taught

LearnDay to day, we strive for enjoyment and understanding. No matter our age, we must focus on what we can learn to make our life a better, more enjoyable experience.  People are too often satisfied with their knowledge base and never think there is anything else they could or would ever want to learn.  This is a limiting mindset in all areas of life, personal and professional.  You will never know it all, but you can always try to learn it all.  Each day is a possibility to learn something new.  Focus your consciousness on what you can learn today in your thoughts, words, and actions. There is always something for you to pick up or try.  So don’t be too limited in what you do. Gain or acquire knowledge or skills today, and make your life more enjoyable and productive.

Being Self-taught

The greatest invention in history is the internet because of the vast and nearly unlimited amount of information available to every person.  If you desire to learn, you can create a curriculum to study.  Learning styles don’t even matter because there are several mediums available. There are videos available on how to do just about anything you can imagine. Teaching yourself how to do almost anything will take the desire to do it and the willingness to do a little research.

Knowledge has never been so accessible, and the freedom that comes with those facts can lead you to a new job or a new life. All of the excuses we tell ourselves are irrelevant because there is access to quality content at the touch of a finger.  Study, and you will learn.  It is up to you if you use the internet to feed your mind or deaden its senses.

Learn from Experience

One of the best ways to learn is through experience.  We can’t help but find growth this way. Unfortunately, the experience is not a very kind teacher and has no regard for your feelings and temperament.  Many lessons you will learn from experience will be painful, uncomfortable, and trying to the soul. Many are not good students and need to get the same lesson over and over again until they finally gain an understanding of what they need to know.

However, the benefits of experience are free to everyone equally and when we learn well, navigating our way through life is more manageable, and we are better at making choices and finding the things that are good for us and all others. Experience is not personal; there is no punishment for its pupils. (Although it may feel painful.)  It is the greatest equal opportunity experience creator you will ever come across.  It is up to our awareness, wits, intelligence, and needs how difficult the lessons experience gives us.  Appreciate your experience of what you can learn and be a good student. You will continually get the same lesson until you learn the lesson you need to learn.  If you are experiencing the same thing repeatedly, look at your attitude and thoughts.

The Power of Being Taught

There are kind-hearted and caring teachers out there as well. These souls genuinely want to help you improve at whatever skill they possess and want to share.  An apprenticeship of life can provide value to you that is beyond measure.  Unlike experience or self-study, you can learn delve into the already hard-earned gained knowledge someone else has earned.  By paying attention and learning, you can avoid making the same mistakes or “reinventing the wheel” and move on from the point your teacher has reached.

What you do with this head start is then up to you. Are you satisfied with being at the same level?  Or do you want to take that ship of knowledge and sail it into the open sea to find out what it can do? That is the real challenge with anything you learn. How will you use it?  If you can find a capable person willing to share their knowledge.  Grab ahold of that blessing.  Sometimes we can’t do it all by ourselves. Life will provide the teachers you need. Recognize them and learn.

Each day is born with potential. What you do with that is up to you.  Putting your focus on what you can learn will allow you to have an exciting and continually expanding life.  Let all the teachers of study, experience, and other teachers help you along the way to learn at the highest level you are capable of.  Focus your thoughts, words, and actions on the things you can learn, and your life will be a richer experience for all.

“Change is the end result of all true learning.” Leo Buscaglia

“The expert in anything was once a beginner.” Anonymous

“Learning and innovation go hand in hand. The arrogance of success is to think that what you did yesterday will be sufficient for tomorrow.” William Pollard

“Learning is the only thing the mind never exhausts, never fears, and never regrets.” Leonardo da Vinci

“Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.” Chinese Proverb

https://youtu.be/fOVECbr-vsc

 

22

Leaving Judgement behind

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judgementWhy We Judge

It can be easy to look at someone else’s life and quickly dissect all they are doing wrong or at least be doing better. Their lives seem like a simple puzzle; they are too lazy, too rich, too poor, don’t care enough, or care too much. People look so quickly and coldly that they never really see the harm that judgment can do to their lives.

It is negative energy, which will never be a good thing. Acceptance is the key to positive relationships in life. If you are looking for happiness, then judgment needs to be avoided at all costs. Who are we to judge someone else? There is no more precise definition of where you are in your journey than how you judge someone else. Or perhaps how much you misjudged someone else. 

Hiding In Plain Sight

So why do we all have such an inclination to participate in something that is clearly detrimental to our lives in every way? One of the reasons is that when we direct our attention and others’ attention outward toward someone else and their behavior, the poor decisions and mistakes you have made are overlooked. Isn’t there a safe feeling inside when you say, “I may be struggling, but I am not struggling that much?”  So our judgments are constantly distracting attention away from our weaknesses. Does that make your weaknesses any less real?

Putting someone else down with judgments automatically puts you in a position above whomever decisions are being thrown at. It defines you because you focus on distractions rather than working on your problems and becoming a better person yourself. Your concerns are still simmering in the background, waiting to boil over.  It is impossible to be happy when you know an explosion is coming. And there is an explosion of chaos coming your way.  

Defining Ourselves

It will come down to the choices that we make each day when it comes to judgment. You have the option to be more accepting of others and their challenges because, in reality, it is not any of judgment 3456your business.  The choice to look at yourself honestly and work on your decisions, thoughts, feelings, and actions is a daily struggle that you need to start to pay attention to.

We define ourselves for the world in each thought we have and each word we speak. There is an illusion that nobody sees our weaknesses in our minds if we create a big enough cloud of dust by speaking in judgment about others.  Not your circus, not your monkeys. You will decide whether your meanness and judgment define you or kindness, love, and acceptance. It is that simple. When you judge someone else, you are clearly defining yourself, and you are ignoring your areas that are in significant need of improvement.

I used to worry a lot about what other people thought of me. Now I am much more concerned with what I think of others and how I look at their behavior and try not to take their terrible actions personally. It is a reflection on them and has little bearing on me.

When you judge another, you do not define them. You define yourself.~ Wayne Dyer

Are you judging or accepting today?

 “When someone judges you, it isn’t actually about you. It’s about them and their insecurities, limitations, and needs.” Lulu

“Never judge someone by the opinion of others.” Anonymous

“Be curious, not judgemental.” Walt Whitman

 “Everyone has untold stories of pain and sadness that make them love and live a little differently than you do. Stop judging; instead, try to understand.” Anonymous

“I don’t judge others.” Sarah Jessica Parker

 

22

Keep On Trying

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Don’t Give Up. YOU Are Almost There.

Keep going, you never know how close you are to success!!
Keep going. You never know how close you are to success!!

All people have moments when they have to question themselves. Things in life won’t always go your way, and there will be a lot of times when it may seem hopeless. Everything you encounter seems to be against you, and it can become an unbearable weight, and in that moment of darkness and frustration, you may feel like giving up. Those are the moments it is vital you find the strength and inspiration to hang on because there is always a pendulum of change coming your way. Darkness serves a purpose just as light does. Good things will come into your life if you can maintain hope and heart long enough.  Change is constant and inevitable and will allow for tough times to end and prosperity to enter your life.

Down Times Necessary

In all things in life, contrast exists to provide meaning to each experience. There needs to be an opposite experience for every positive emotion and experience to give different and lend sense to the value of what you are experiencing.

There is no appreciating a warm summer day if you haven’t experienced the bitter cold of winter. Joy gets its value from the comparison of desperation. Happy and sad, loneliness and a relationship, each enjoyable experience needs to have a polar opposite. That needs to be experienced to understand what the great things in life mean and the value they give you.  If you give up when sharing the despair of difficult times, you will never know the joy of redemption or the satisfaction coming back will provide you.

Contrast Provides Meaning

All people go through times of sorrow in life. The difference is that some people let those times define in front 3them, and others move past them into a more profound understanding that often, low moments of sorrow provide a springboard for a deeper understanding or a more decisive action that brings you closer to your ultimate happiness and understanding of life.  The downtimes will get you ready for the happy times to come and for you to appreciate them.

Look at the BIG Picture

Even though we don’t look for situations that make us feel broken, they are sometimes needed to grow into better people.  Life is a long game that needs to be viewed from looking down at the whole thing. Like a caterpillar turns into a butterfly, your transformation is possible.

You may be struggling now, but if you look ahead and see the best possible results, it will make you more successful. That is what is waiting, nobody in the world was born to be sad all the time, and there will be great moments ahead of you regardless of what your life is giving you right now.

Put your head down and keep moving forward because today’s clouds will eventually give way to the bright skies of tomorrow. All you have to do is stay in the game long enough to experience it.  Moving ahead is the only place where you will find your dreams. Everything you want is in front of you, and you must move ahead to greet it.

Failure is Not Fatal

In school, we are taught that failure is a fatal mistake; it is the thing we must avoid at all costs.  Better to play it safe than to take a chance at something we might fail at.  Learning is about setting a task, making a plan, trying it out, and evaluating what happens. If it doesn’t work, that isn’t a failure. It is learning.  Take that lesson and try again, and soon you will be experiencing nothing but success.

People often face life with a fixed mindset, avoiding even the idea that they don’t know something and pretending to know when a simple question would have ended all doubt.  Be a growth mindset person.  Accept challenges, be willing to learn, and ask questions, and soon you will see the opportunity that “so-called” failure provides. Failure is not fatal, and it is necessary to become all that you can be and gain value in life lessons.

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” ―Nelson Mandela

“How long should you try? Until.” ―Jim Rohn

“There is no failure except in no longer trying.” ―Elbert Hubbard

“Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” ―Harriet Beecher Stowe

 

22

Developing A Growth Mindset at Any Age

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Develop a Mindset of Growth

The mind continually provides us with thoughts, and without conscious input, the ideas we create will be based on the past and the history of our experience. Our thoughts, emotions, words, and actions come from two essential mindsets: a fixed mindset or a growth mindset.  Each is present in most people. In some areas, we are fixed in our thoughts, and in others, we are more than willing to believe we can grow.  The challenge is to look at life and your attitude towards it and recognize what type of mindset you are using.  You may be OK with your thought process either way, but being conscious of your thoughts and the mindset they lead can help you reach your goals, develop your dreams, and enjoy life more. But that is a choice.

Fixed Mindset

In my life, I know I have spent plenty of time with a fixed mindset. It stemmed from never wanting to make mistakes and be seen as weak or less than perfect. Here are a few aspects of the fixed mindset:  1. Avoid challenges- because they prove we don’t know it all already.  2. We Hate change because we have to readjust and grow.  We would instead, the world think we knew it all and were perfect.  3. Focus on limitations, not enough, money, time, love, freedom, opportunity, or whatever else is seen as a limiting factor. 4. Criticism is seen as a personal insult rather than a chance to grow. I would rather hear insincere praise than mindful construction. 5. Believes either you have the talent to do something or don’t, no chance to develop the skill. 6. This leads to a lack of confidence in learning something new and developing a goal or a dream. You are stuck with what you have at the beginning.  See learning as something you do as a young person, not a lifelong process.

When you look at your mindset, there will be some of these characteristics. We are multifaceted and complicated beings with many layers. The trick is to look at yourself and what you think and ask if those thoughts are taking you where you would like to be? Are they making you your best? Or are they limiting you in some way? Only you can answer those questions.  I encourage you and myself not to limit ourselves and develop until this journey’s end.

Growth Mindset

A growth mindset is one of the possibilities and development in your life.  I try to develop this in all areas of my life. It is not a finished product but one that is continually growing and learning throughout the process.  And to be OK with not knowing something and becoming better at it.  To welcome new experiences and see what they feel like.  Some aspects of the growth mindset are 1. You welcome challenges. A challenge will provide new experiences and becoming a more well-rounded person.  2. Change is embraced, a natural part of life, and all things continually and inevitably change. Embracing change is embracing life. 3. Look for opportunities to grow and have new experiences.  4. Think anything is possible; with the right amount of preparation and effort, you can set, learn about, and accomplish anything you dream about.  5. Love learning and exploring new things. See feedback as a helpful guide, not a personal condemnation. See it as a lifetime process.   6. See the lessons in every failure, and don’t let it deter effort in future opportunities.

Developing a growth mindset is more complicated than it seems. We are programmed to be perfect from the time we are children. It is all the beginnings of it: stand in line, sit up straight, follow the rules, and do what you are told. When you are told what is good and evil, if you have any thought out of that narrow scope, you are labeled evil.  The growth mindset allows you to understand that nobody is perfect, and you can continually develop throughout your life. The only limits you have are the ones you don’t dare to move beyond.  There is the opportunity to keep growing and changing throughout life.

The Choice

You have to make today and all days hereafter to decide what mindset will be dominant in your experience.  Do you believe that what you know is what you know, and what you are now, you will always be?  Or do you see the endless landscape of possibility that exists if you dare to take steps to travel into it?  There will be a failure on the way, which is not a personal condemnation of you. It is a learning experience where valuable information about future movements will be determined. You alone can decide to have a fixed mindset or a growth mindset.  The color and direction of your life will be determined by this choice you must make continually.

 “It’s not that I’m so smart; it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” -said Albert Einstein.

“When you take risks, you learn that there will be times when you succeed, and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.” – Ellen DeGeneres.

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” – Thomas Edison.

“Failure is an important part of your growth and developing resilience. Don’t be afraid to fail.” -Michelle Obama

 

22

How to Row Your Boat

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How do YOU work in YOUR boat?

Imagine you are in a rowboat, moving across the water, and you are tasked with powering one of the oars on one side of the boat. The other team members are also responsible for powering their own oars. Together, you will move your ship toward completing whatever destination the team has set forth to accomplish. Unless you all work together and as a team, you will have difficulty finding success. The best teams learn to row the boat in the same direction and with the same purpose in mind.  That is how successful organizations are run.  That is how winning in a group setting is done.  Why do so many fail?

Individuality Sinks the Boat

Our society praises the individual. We look for ways to ensure everyone knows we are the best, but in a team setting, having talent alone without a team accomplishment mindset will make reaching team goals very difficult. It doesn’t matter how strong you row your oar if you overpower your counterpart on the other side.

When your focus is on you and not the goal

All you will accomplish is moving in a circle. Row even harder by yourself, and you will succeed in completing the process even faster.

The thing to consider is not yourself, your accomplishment, or your recognition, but the team goal’s accomplishment. And that involves assessing all your team members’ strengths and weaknesses. A great leader will create an atmosphere of cooperation to complete a common goal and develop a mindset of working on completing that goal as the primary focus. The best teams have an unselfish attitude and offer substantial compensation for working with their partners to maximize the team effort over their own. When the team wins, everybody wins.

No Clear Intention Is an Anchor

When you have no clear idea of your goal, it will make no difference what type of strength your team has. With no clear direction or destination, they will move powerfully in many directions and sometimes do positive things and achieve

sinking boats do not reach their destinations

great results. But equally will achieve poor results and mediocre performance.  Providing a clear roadmap to a team’s goals is the job of leadership. With it, a team can build toward that common purpose. Without it, they are lost.

Each organization needs to take the time to write down precisely the results they want to accomplish and be clear about the methods each team member has to contribute to bringing you to that point. Without clear leadership, any boat you are rowing is tied to a heavy anchor and will go nowhere permanently positive. Pulling up that serious detriment is as simple as ensuring all team members understand the task and what success looks like.

No One Cares About The Credit

I have always been amazed at what people can accomplish when nobody worries about who gets the credit. Taking the focus away from yourself and personal achievement and placing it on team goals and accomplishments seems to be the best way to bring a group to their highest achievement level.  But why is it this so challenging to accomplish at work or in working with any group? Why do we

Working as a team with a common focus and goal in mind is a recipe for success

struggle to put our egoic ideas aside and reach for accomplishment with others.

Our conditioning is the answer. We all have personal desires, goals, and thoughts about what we need to do, how we need to behave, and what we need to achieve for ourselves to be considered a success. I think striving for recognition, money, fame, or anything else is fine, but when you are overly attached to that thing, whatever it is, you will lose your way.  The crew on the rowboat will not function as a unit if your primary concern is how you are recognized or what you get out of the experience to further your cause. When focusing on achieving a positive result, all recognition and success take care of themselves.

See How You Row

Look at the many boats you are putting your effort into today. In your relationships, family, hobbies, and work-life. Are you rowing in a team concept? Where is your

Witness how you row your boat by being aware of your thoughts and actions in all you do

focus? What attachments control how you view results, activities, and progress? Look at your efforts and decide if you and those you are close to and work with are rowing the boat in the same direction and for the same purpose.  If the answer is no, then there needs to be an adjustment somewhere, or success will be complicated to come by. Being aware of how you rowing is the first step in leadership and paving the road to success in anything you do. Move your focus from yourself to the goal of your desire to achieve.

“Individual commitment to a group effort–that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.” –Vince Lombardi

“Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.” –Michael Jordan

“Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. The ability to direct individual accomplishments toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.” –Andrew Carnegie

“Alone, we can do so little; together, we can do so much.” –Helen Keller

“Remember, teamwork begins by building trust. And the only way to do that is to overcome our need for invulnerability.” –Patrick Lencioni

“I invite everyone to choose forgiveness rather than division, teamwork over personal ambition.” –Jean-Francois Cope

“None of us is as smart as all of us.” –Ken Blanchard

22

The Many Parts We Play in Life

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“All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts……” 

William Shakespeare wrote these words, which are relevant to how I am feeling today. When you look at our behavior in life, it becomes clear that not only do we play many roles in life, but when things become difficult or uncomfortable, we revert to the parts we have played in the past and follow the scripts we wrote long ago.  Is it because they are comfortable? Is it because they helped us then, and we need that reassurance now?  That I what I am writing about today. Why do we go back to the scripts from parts or our previous life’s performance because of today’s situations?  Look at your life and behavior and honestly evaluate how your actions and treatment of other people are based on some script you follow from your past.  You may be surprised to see how well you learned your lines and played your part.

Back to Childhood

Sometimes we get to a certain point in our lives, and because we are afraid of the next thing, we fall back into programming we used in our past to help us feel more comfortable and safe.  These scripts were often written in our childhood experiences, and they provided us with a chance to find security in our lives or a feeling of power in a world where we are seemingly powerless.  In relationships,  some people get to a certain point with someone, which becomes an opportunity to build an authentic connection and be vulnerable, which can be scary.  At this point, a person often reverts to an excellent safe script they used in childhood.

This is not a conscious decision. It is written in our subconscious and rises to the surface when feelings of vulnerability and fear start to rise. The part you play gives you the illusion of power and security. But it isn’t real. You are simply putting on a costume you have worn many times. You are choosing patterns of behavior that build walls and isolate you from any real connection that might bring fulfillment to you and happiness to your life; how better to take control of something uncontrollable than to go to a place in yourself where you feel powerful.  But again, it is just a role you are playing and not real power. You are a prisoner of your past.  And worse yet, most often, you are the prisoner of your childhood.

New Roles to Play

Life is an experience of growth and change; in this human experience, sometimes nothing is more terrifying.  That is why people’s true bravery is the ability to move out of the roles we have long accepted as ours to realize we have been miscast.  There is a starring role for us in our lives, and we need to move past the costumes we have worn in the past and learn the new lines or our best part yet.  That role is the one of being our best self.  What does that mean? Find out what makes your heart sing and makes you feel most alive, and do that.  It sounds simple, but when you look at the complexities of the human condition and the fear, shame, guilt, worry, and sadness that are a part of things, it is a wonder if anyone ever finds their proper role.

But those roles exist, and the best part is you are the writer, the choreographer, and the director of your little production of life. Are you an adventurer?  Are you a performer? Are you a great family person? Are you an example of the great things people can become in their lives?  All of these answers are up to you; you can be any of these things if you choose to be.  Our programming has led to our beliefs, allowing us unlimited access to our abilities to assume any role or limiting us to being the perpetual understudy in our own life’s play. What role do you accept?

Write the Script

It is your choice today what lines you will speak and which role you will play. You have the ultimate power in this choice, and too often, the fear of that power forces most to revert to the cages placed around us with doubt and fear.  When you can choose anything in the world to be or do, all choices can be confusing and more complex than a limited choice.  All choice is no choice or at least a very difficult one. It is time for you to choose from.  The time for excuses is over, and the time to move forward into creating a life you want is now.

Write a role for yourself that will make you happy. Not one that is safe and sound and a part of your past but one creating the person you want to become. Too often, we want to move to the happy ending of our own story, which skips the hero’s journey and the many valuable lessons learned along the way, which gives that happy ending a powerful meaning. I know a good story has a character we all love (you) in it, and then the story throws many challenges.  It is the hero’s reaction, determination after failure, or triumphant triumph that endears them to the audience’s heart. Sitting in a safe little cocoon doesn’t create a very interesting or in-depth story.  That is the choice of the playwright of your life to make.  The adventure drives the story, and the challenges faced to define it.  Move forward boldly to the center stage of your life.

Choose Your Role

Finally, I want to make sure that I choose the roles I play in my life’s production.  Rather than letting another person put me into a position that suits them, I want to find the parts which fit me, my goals, and my talents and bring me a feeling of fulfillment and joy. Look at your programming, why you are doing the things you are, and exactly what your voice in your head is telling you about them.  Some people play the role of college student because they were told that was a path to success. Then they are in 50,000 dollars of debt, and their lives are no longer theirs. They must assume the role of the worker to pay that money back.  Much of the play has passed them by the time it is paid off.  But…………

We all can write our script and should never forget that. No matter what, negative energy and people have entered your life, bringing fear and doubt with them. You can write the lines exactly as you want to say them and create the situations you want to experience.  What is the scene? What is the setting? Who are your co-stars? Who moves into the role of background players?  Are you letting a background character play a leading role in your drama?  All of these things are up to you, and it starts by looking at the scripts you are following today.  Make sure they are not something you created in your youth, playing on a loop continually through your life as a behavior pattern.  Make your choice unique to today and the situation you are in.

“Identity is your role in life, the part you play. Individuality is who you are, and who you are is revealed to you if you can get to complete presence.” – Tom Spanbauer.

“The world wants to assign you a role in life. And once you accept that role, you are doomed.”—-Robert Greene

“Perhaps the most important vision of all is develop a sense of self, a sense of your destiny, a sense of unique mission and role in life.”-Stephen Covey.

 

22

Your Focus Provides the Value

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What We Value

valuables 1It reveals how the things we attach value to change over the years.  Some things that once meant everything to us now mean absolutely nothing, and conversely, some things we didn’t value at all come to tell everything in our lives as we grow and values change.  Understanding what is valuable or important to us is a massive part of growing and finding what brings you fulfillment and makes you the most productive human being enjoying life on this planet. Let’s see what things I put into my life treasure chest. They have certainly changed throughout my life. 

Physical Activity

children playing at the beach, painting by artist Debbie Miller
children playing at the beach, painting by artist Debbie Miller

Physical activity was a part of life as vital to me as breathing when I was young. It didn’t matter what time of year, what weather I had to face; I was moving in it.

It was perpetual motion in the summer, from swimming to boating to getting from place to place. I was physically active when I woke up in the morning to the time I put my head on the pillow at night.

Over the years, there was school, followed by a job, and then you had to find time to be physically active. I have gone through weight training and cardiovascular fitness of all kinds, and each time I value the ability and stamina I had as a youth. I love my mobility now and dream of what it was like then. Fitness is the greatest gift you can give yourself. It will improve your enjoyment and quality of life. I make it a priority. Working out is a daily must for me, and I relish making it a part of my routine.  It helps keep me mentally, physically, and spiritually strong.

Friendships

friendshipI am mystified by this one because, on the one hand, there are the people I grew up with that I am still friends with to this day.

However, I have met many “friends” in adulthood that are as transient as the weather. One moment they are there for you, and the next one as quick as the sun moves behind a cloud. Friendship seems to be a difficult thing to count on, which is too bad. Present for a season or two of your life and then destined to fade and fizzle out over time.  I have always believed that once I am your friend, I am your friend for life. There aren’t any conditions or behavioral expectations, we are friends, and it is a relationship that will last.

This philosophy has been continually proven wrong, so I value the friends who have been there when things weren’t so great. And those who are around for a short time and then moving along.  I believe wholeheartedly that people enter your life for a reason, often to teach you something. In friendship, like in all things, some have to move along to make room for gathering what you need.  I am glad that I have met so many wonderful people, and they have left such a vital mark. Like spices in the stew, each has added something unique. I am glad to have known them, and I care about you all the same for those that have faded.  The lessons I have learned from everyone have contributed significantly to my life. Whether you are here in my life now or not, I love you just the same.

Family Valuables

Jamie and JoninwindowFew things in the world define who you are more than the family you belong to. Some people hate their families, but I see us as a collection of unique individuals who move their way.

I make no bones that all of my grandparents, great grandparents, great uncles, and aunts that I have personally known have impacted me. Even though they have all passed away, I carry them with me.  Their voices are recorded in my mind, and I remember how they sounded and what they said.  I also remember what they did, and I was a fortunate and blessed soul because all of my relatives wanted me to be great.

Those that are still here, I love them all as well, even though distances that may be a natural part of life have crept in.  All of us are different, and I appreciate those unique qualities.  There is nothing as valuable as a family because no matter what they say or do, they carry around a large part of the DNA.  Family is something that gains in value over time.

Relationship Valuables

Relationships from long ago,

Mean more to me than they’ll ever know.

From the first time, I saw you smile

to watching you leave after all those miles.

You may not know that this part is genuine,

I have never forgotten my love for you.

relatonshipsThese words describe the way I have always felt. I have been accused of overthinking and being too emotional in recent years, which would be a shock, I think, to people who knew me when I was a much younger man.  But I carry my emotions on my sleeve and do not give my heart away very quickly. Once I make a choice, it is done. I have had some bad luck in this realm. Not sI am noting a lot of sound judgment in who I trust with this most valuable asset and who does not count. I have made some questionable decisions.  I hope I have learned the lessons I was meant to learn to advance in life with more wisdom.  Every new beginning comes from another beginning’s end, which is the way of life and relationships. Some are far more fortunate than me, and I am grateful for their happiness. May they appreciate what they have.

Valuables In My Mind

Learning is Life Long!
Learning is Life Long!

Finally, there are the things I have learned, which I have found to be extremely valuable.  For most of my life, I didn’t understand the value created when you started looking for the answer to a question.  The answers you may never find ultimately, but the information you learn along the way can make life so much more enjoyable.

Some people believe you go to college when you are young and learn, get a job, and put that learning to use.  I’m afraid I have to disagree with this paradigm completely. None of what I was exposed to in college I learned. I mimicked and regurgitated knowledge, but to learn, it has to become a part of you. I have learned more since I turned 43 than I ever learned in life before.

This is not a condemnation of my instructors or the schools I attended but an indictment of myself.  Above all else, what I can learn, contemplate, and understand, are the most significant valuables. The quest to understand myself and the contribution I want to make to the world in a larger sense is vitally important to me and part of the treasure I carry.  We all can contemplate that we will no longer be here at some point in the not-so-distant future, and I wonder, what will my actions have brought into this world?  Only time will answer that question. I am hopeful that the positive will outweigh the negative.

  • The value of life is not in its duration but its donation. …
  • The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than mere survival. …
  • If you genuinely believe in the value of life, you care about all of the weakest and most vulnerable society members.

What do you treasure?

 

22

Learning the Hard Truths

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I have been reading about fear lately and seeing my fears step up out of the either to make me question things.  Although life has been exceedingly good to me recently, I still am fascinated by the role fear plays in our lives and that it is just a thought we choose to pay attention to.  Loss is the biggest fear we all carry around in our heads.  Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who wrote a book about fears and why it is important to face them and overcome them. There are five universal facts that we are afraid of and to become comfortable with each allows you to be who you are and to live life with enjoyment.  To live in denial of these things is crazy. But yet many do.  Where do you stand with each of these things?

I am human. I will grow old. –  On the surface, this seems obvious but look at our society and how we worship youth. Youth is beauty and potential, but we all will age and get old eventually. Life will move to its afternoon and evening, no matter what we do. It is easy to put this fact in the back of our minds in youth, but you realize you are growing older as you move through life.  I take steps to make my body and mind capable of being functional and lucid for as long as possible.  Don’t hide from this fact. It is a fear of many. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It is a fact of life, just as the sun rises in the morning.

I am human. I will die. – Death is a subject most people never speak of, mainly because we are afraid and don’t know what to say. Will it be painful? What will happen to “me” when this life is over? Not one person living life is optimistic about what will happen makes death a mystery, building our fear. It doesn’t matter what happens after death because, like it or not, we will all experience death at some time. There is a value this knowledge gives you. Each moment of life is precious and should be enjoyed. Knowing there is an end to the story makes the story more vital. Choices and experiences matter because it could all be over tomorrow.

I am human, and I will get sick. –  Along the same lines as death, illness is a part of the human experience. The illness will eventually happen to us all, depending on how you view it. Our physical bodies will become ill as they break down, leading to death. Since this is the case, it should make us all more compassionate toward others experiencing illness. Nobody chooses to be physically or mentally ill, and their life experience may be better or worse by your choices.

I am human. All relationships I treasure will end. – This is true of every relationship you ever develop in your life. Understanding there is a beginning, a middle, and an end to everything is vital to understanding life. It doesn’t mean you will never have valuable, loving relationships. It means that eventually, just as your life will end, so will they.  To me, understanding this makes every moment of a relationship more critical and vital me. Enjoy the little things and the moments you share with someone else in mutual friendship. To share a part of your life with someone else is a great gift. Even lifelong relationships end as one person or the other dies. Knowing and accepting this allows you to live a life of passion and not fear a relationship ending because one day, it will.  Cherish those who you spend time with and have affection for.

All we leave behind is our behavior. We can’t take anything with us–

When you die one day, all the material possessions you have accumulated will mean nothing. You can’t take your house, car, or things with you. Putting so much emphasis on them in life is a form of delusion. They understand that our behavior toward others will be all that is remembered in the hearts of those who know us.  Good, bad, or indifferent is the legacy we all leave behind. Our kindness, compassion, and love, or the lack thereof, will be remembered.  That is a lesson people tend to forget as they move through the day with selfish thoughts about what life will give them. Where are your kindness, compassion, and love today? Who is going to remember you with fondness?

Summary of thoughts

All of these things are truths that can’t be argued.  We may deny them,  but there is no doubt that at some point, we are all going to get old, we are all going to die, we are all going to get sick, all of the relationships we treasure will end, and all that is left behind is the measure of our behavior. These are not negative things. They are facts that, if you truly accept them, you will value the youth you do have. Treasure your living moments. Be thankful for your health and sympathetic to those who are ill. Tell those you love how you feel while you have the chance.  Make sure your actions and behaviors leave behind the footprint you want.  This is the value of accepting these truths to me.

 

22

The Process in My Life

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Process– a series of actions or steps to achieve a particular end.

While finding positive words to focus my awareness on each day, I have been amazed at how each day works and treats everyone, including myself, a little better.  It has also allowed me to look at life events and let go of the things that don’t matter.  Each day, our focus is on four things: our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions.  That is the process I have used and one I think you might find helpful to focus on. It allows you to be aware of the process happening in you, and for most, you can grow from noticing this process in your own life. The process is happening to us all, whether we see it or not.

Thoughts Are the Thing

It always begins with our thoughts.  A thought is an idea we produce, and it seems to appear suddenly in our brain. People have thousands of views every day, a virtual stream of thought.  But we don’t notice them without a little effort.  When you start to pay attention to them, you see that your thoughts’ tenor directly controls your mood. If you have thoughts of love and positiveness, your attitude is cheerful. If you are focused on fear, your mood is more on the opposing side.  Which ideas you pay attention to is totally up to you.

Since each thought leads to a corresponding emotion, the words we use, and the actions we take. Nothing could be more important than choosing the ideas we want to represent us. If you are not aware of the thoughts you are choosing, someone or something else may be picking them for you. Another person, or worse yet, some pop culture influence, might be deciding your mood, the words you use, and the actions you take. Be vigilant of your thoughts, and make sure they represent you.

Emotional Responses

There is a direct connection between your thoughts and your emotions. Each study has an emotional reply. If you are thinking thoughts of fear, then your feelings will be on the negative side too.  If you are afraid your needs aren’t being met somehow, anger is often the response.

Emotional Sayings About Life Love Feelings And Emotions Quotes Very Sad Quotes Pictures – QUOTES MORNING

Anger is fear exposed to the world. Watch an angry person from a distance, and you can see the thoughts driving them. The same is for people who are calm in the face of adversity. Their opinions are not of fear but love.  That means kindness, acceptance, unselfishness, benevolence, or friendship can all spring from this type of thought.

There are some emotions to avoid, and the thoughts that lead you there are the key to doing so. Notice your idea and release it; pay no attention to it, find a more positive thing to think about, and a more positive emotion will arise. Feelings to avoid: Rejection, anger, frustrations, loneliness, depression, failure, humiliation, or guilt are excellent places to start.  Each of these comes from the thoughts you entertain in your head about your situation. Look at your situation honestly, take responsibility, and then take positive steps forward. These emotions do no good for you or anyone else. Learn the thoughts that connect you to these emotions, and you will have a key to a more positive life.

Words are Magic

Words can bring great beauty to the world or burn down a paradise. How you use words reflects your mood, character, and the effect you have on the world.  Some use their words for good, and those that use their words for fear.  Do you speak well of others? Or do you use your words to insult or diminish them? Notice the words you use in all situations; you will have a clear view of your inner beliefs and the fears you must overcome.  All spoken comments have power, and that charge is either positive or negative.  What you focus on in life generally shows up.

If you are consciously speaking to others about kindness, prosperity, good health, and wealth, then it makes sense that those things will show up in your life. Speak with others well, and give them your support as they experience the complex parts of life. Words have a vibration to them and will carry that to those you speak with.  It is always your choice whether your words will be a good experience for someone else or not.  It all starts with being conscious of the thoughts you are thinking and being in control of them, rather than the other way around.  Manage your words.

Actions Speak the Loudest!!

Actions are the final result of our thoughts and are the truth serum for things. You can control your words, but your actions can wipe out any good thing you created.  To be a hypocrite, saying one thing and doing another shows the world where your true feelings lie.  All of your actions will come from your conscious mind. It tells you how to behave, what you should do, and how you should do it.  Your thoughts will determine everything from the route you take to your work to how you eat your dinner.

This is the end of the process, as you move from thoughts to emotions to words that all result in actions. What have you done today? How much of it was an accurate representation of you? How much was a representation of what someone else might think?  Hopefully, it is all about your thought because that means you are on the right path. If not, it is not too late.  Stop doing the things that are unhealthy, mean, or bad for your overall life. Train your mind to focus on what you want in your life, and those things will start to show up in your actions.

Be aware of the thought process and how it will affect your life.  Be vigilant and consistent in the tone of your thoughts because those thoughts will lead to the life you have.  There is no way around that. It is difficult to be happy when negative thoughts are running your life.  Focus on positive reviews and let them permeate your life. Let the process work for you and not against you.  Thought-Emotions-Words-Actions. 

“A little thought and a little kindness are often worth more than a great deal of money.”- John Ruskin.

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”- Aristotle.

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought, and the study has found words.- Robert Frost

22

Beware of the Shifting Sands in Life

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One of the things we need to get used to in life is it never stays the same.  Humans trick ourselves into believing we can get to a place where everything will be exactly as we dream.  Perfect job, perfect relationship, perfect health, and perfect life.  Unfortunately, anyone with any experience knows life will never be perfect. Even if you are fortunate enough to find some excellent moments, in some areas, they are continually shifting into something else, some other experience.  I know I have built attachments to jobs, relationships I have been in, and activities I took part in.  I was in a constant struggle to create stability in my life.  I figured that if I found a place in the world where I fit, then that part was over. I could relax, and I understood that my job, relationship, or situation and good for me.

The problem is that the Universe does not work in a static state.  Things are constantly in motion, and the way anything is today will be different tomorrow. There is no way to gain absolute stability because the ground under your very feet will shift, and the solid foundation you thought you were standing on is only loose, moving sand and causing you to scramble and change your perspective, place, and ideas. If all of this makes life a scary proposition or a never-ending adventure is up to your choices of thought and understanding of your attachments.

Attachments to Other People

Knowing things are constantly changing can make relationships a dicey experience.  I think it is too easy to get lost in something going well.  Once you attach yourself to how things are, they stop being great spontaneously and become something you take for granted.  Because you are connected to the way, things are.  A friend of mine recently observed, “It seems less likely that an actual, perfect long-term relationship will exist.”  I thought about it for a minute and had this conclusion.  Positive long-term relationships can exist and do exist all the time.  One of the truths about life, though, is that at some point, all relationships, even the best and most powerful, will end. That is life.

The secret is not building an attachment to anyone the way a person or a relationship can be because it is all just shifting sand under your feet. Giving a person the room to grow and be an individual on their journey is essential as you move through your transitions and changes life will inevitably push you through.  Each moment is given to you to be treasured at that time.  A great day is a great day, and even though you wish it would never end, the sun will set, and time will move on into another day.  It may be great too, but it will be different, and you will not be able to enjoy that new experience if you have your thoughts and feelings clinging to the events of the “perfect” day that is gone by.  Living in this moment is the only thing you can do. Make this another “great day.”  Two people living in sync with that attitude can make life excellent and enjoyable. You are enjoying the changes the shifting sands bring and making each enjoyable and memorable.

A Job is Just an Activity

One area people are programmed throughout life is the activity they choose to contribute to society.  Our jobs focus on our early life as we choose an educational path to get the position we want.  Then we pursue that career and attain success or move in another direction. You have been working so long to become that doctor, lawyer, business owner, teacher, engineer, mechanic, or whatever you wanted to become that you become attached to that position.  Your

identity is wrapped up in what you do to make money.  If you don’t think so, one of the first questions someone asks another when you first meet is, “what do you do for a living?”  This allows us to try to understand where someone fits into our world.

The truth is our jobs are just an activity we agree to participate in. The job will end eventually. It will not define who you are as a person; only tell people what you did to make money. Being successful at your job is different for everyone, but being attached to a job is difficult because when the shifting sands take it away, what will you be then?  Identity questions will follow, and if you have spent no time getting to know yourself, you are in for a rude awakening.  I have found many different roles we can fit into and find enjoyment and satisfaction in the performance of money tasks. But I no longer build attachments to these things.  I am the same person in every job; I have just had to play a different role.  Give your best and look to enjoy the parts of the job that you genuinely want, and work will be rewarding.  Always expect it to change, and you will never be disappointed when it does.  Shifting sands are always under your feet.

Life Itself

The compilation of experiences we endure is the sum of our lives.  From the earliest moments when we are children, we start to piece together our observations and moments to understand how things work and how we can best thrive and survive.  Striking balance is the most efficient method for riding the shifting sands and gaining the most enjoyment of your time.  Life has a way of keeping you moving down the path of experience.  We often have no choice in what we will face, but we always control how we deal with things.  I have often not reacted well initially to things.  Seeing the sand shift and swallow up the things I built attachments to.  But in time, with thought and effort, I think I  have regained my balance, learned a lesson, and enjoyed life in a new way.

It’s hard to let things go into that shifting sand, but all of our lives and growth stem from the ability to do just that successfully.  Dance in the sands and understand things will never stay the same, just because you particularly enjoyed a particular part of it.  Enjoy each moment for what it brings you, and then be ready to accept the next moment and find the joy, gratitude, and appreciation for what those moments bring to your experience.  Learn your lessons from the past and leave the moments there.  Look to this moment to find your joy because this is the only moment you have and are guaranteed.

Finally……..

Today is Easter Sunday 2019, take a moment and look at your life and choose the things in your day that you are grateful for, enjoy them and then let them go into the ever-changing abyss of your experience.  There will be new and different experiences on your horizon coming into your life in the next moment or 24 hours from now. Be ready to embrace them.  Find the people looking for that very same thing, spend time with them, embrace moments, and be grateful for your time together.  Avoid attachments to relationships, moments, experiences, jobs, and things.  All will leave, break, and end eventually, which is not good or bad, just a fact.  Learning to enjoy what is here is one of the secrets to life.

  1. When the universe gives you more than you expect: Embrace it and then share it.
  2. Your life becomes a masterpiece when you learn to master peace.
  3. You’re the most significant switch in life, and your energy turns the light on or off.
  4. Choose your happiness over everything.
  5. It is what it is. Accept it and move on.
  6. Be patient. Everything is coming together.
  7. Healing is an art, and it takes time, and it takes practice, and it takes love.
  8. You live, You learn, You move on.
  9. One of the happiest moments in life is finding the courage to let go of what you cannot change.
  10. Sometimes you have to accept that certain things will never return to how they used to be. Life goes on.