All posts by Jonathan Hilton

Life

We Suffer

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One of the experiences the recent pandemic has given us all is suffering. Suffering is one of the experiences of being human, and it has the potential to shape our lives significantly. Pain can be a negative influence forcing us to avoid dealing with painful things. They don’t disappear; they hang around inside us, often growing in power and influence throughout our lives. Some instances occurred when you were a child, something someone said that harmed you, or a situation that made you feel pain and suffering.  We learn to push these things aside rather than deal with them. They do not push aside; they follow us continually until you finally deal with them. The unhappiest people have more of these entities of past suffering following them than others.

But it can all change with a bit of self-honesty to recognize where these situations came from and take away their power. Suffering will disappear like a ghost when they are illuminated by honesty.  Painful life experiences are meant to teach and lead to growth, not make us meek or angry or less than we are. It is up to you to decide when to face it, shine a light on it, and let the negative energy of emotional pain from your past go. Once you do, you create room for new positive experiences.

Awareness of Your Suffering

Your relationships will improve and become more durable if you learn to communicate your pain to those you care about in life.  How else could they possibly know what you are going through? If you feel angry because your life has been turned upside down, your freedom is limited, and you can’t do what you have always done. Talk about it.  It is through understanding and dealing with our suffering. We can then understand the suffering of others and how to lessen it.

Your ability to show compassion and understanding will strengthen your relationships. Think of the opportunity you have lost if you deny your suffering; you will lack the tools to be genuinely empathetic and compassionate toward others.  In every relationship you have, have ever had, or ever will have, take open and honest communication to be healthy.

Compassion for Others

Once you have honestly understood and communicated your suffering, it loses its power over you and gives you an understanding of how others are suffering in their lives as well. Not only do you understand, but you have compassion for their issues. All suffering brings pain and knowing the pain in yourself is understanding how another feels dealing with it.

Finding these things out is as simple as noticing when they occur and tracing the thoughts back to their source.  What is the situation that led to you feeling this way? Crowds of people make me nervous, and I am working on this.  I notice the feelings of anxiety, see what causes it, and then look back on life and seek other times I felt the same.  Connect the dots of similarity in these events, and then you have the common denominator.

Take some time when the pain arises to experience it and observe what it is. Please don’t close the door on it and push it away from your consciousness. That is how it gains power over you and becomes an almost automatic response to situations in your life.  Some pain within you allows it to enter your life. Resolve that pain, and you let those painful things go.  When we experience pain for so long, it is difficult not to identify with it.  For me, I’m not too fond of crowds, which isn’t true. I don’t particularly appreciate how being in groups of people makes me feel. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Conscious Thought

Once you have noticed where your suffering comes from, then it is up to you to shine a light on it and not let it hide back into the background of your thoughts.  It is simple to make the pain recede from your mind as just a part of life. Until it returns with more power, we want to deal with unresolved things but sometimes don’t realize we can do anything about them. But we do, and the best thing is to deal with them with our conscious attention.

Allowing your thoughts to stay with the suffering and where it came from, who it came from is an enlightening experience.  The initial pain could be caused by something serious, like the death of a loved one, but not very often because those things are apparent, and most people understand that sadness and pain revolve around those events. It is OK to have emotions, and most are resolved in the natural way of things. It is the small hurts that we shouldn’t let bother us. Those are the things we have problems dealing with in our challenges.  We are told to “be tough” and not express emotions.  Emotions are our natural way to understand ourselves, and to repress them only gives situations power over you.  Notice these things that cause you pain, and stay with them, experience them once and for all, and you will sever the ties of control they have over you.  Conscious thought is the light you shine on the darkness of your suffering.

End of the Suffering

Once you have exposed the suffering and held it in your conscious mind, it is easy to see where it comes from in life.  Was it a thought expressed long ago by a teacher? A parent? A classmate? A sibling? Whoever it was, many of these things have no real relevance in your life as an older adult and dealing with them head-on removes them and the suffering from your life.

An example would be that someone said something negative to you in the 7th grade, and you chose to allow that thing to be relevant to you. It continued to travel with you in the form of suffering because you never dealt with it. Now here you are many years later, still letting that negative situation exist.

Take a moment and document your causes of suffering. What causes you pain in life?  Do you require drama in your relationships? When do you suffer anger or irritation to someone or something? What sets you off?  Do you ever desire to cause pain to others? Notice all negative or undesirable moods you have and find the thoughts you associate with them.  Most often, that will lead you up the path to the creation of these emotions. Creating a conscious thought about these things reveals that you are no longer there at the beginning when something happened to cause you pain. You can let it go and live your life free of that suffering.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

“Suffering has been stronger than all other teachings and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” ― Charles Dickens

“Do you not see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?” ― John Keats

 

 

 

21

Greater Things

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Life gives us all a daily fill of experiences. Some are fun, interesting, and naturally rewarding, while others are boring, difficult, and even painful. All of our experiences combine to create who we are, or better said, they make the thoughts that tell us who we are.

Sometimes we make assumptions about ourselves and the world around us that are inaccurate. These false ideas are based on our lives and the pain, suffering,  joy, or enjoyment we have experienced throughout our lives.  We have the ability at any time to permit ourselves to open our minds to the possibility that there are many positive things for us to find in our future lives.  When you feel you need a change in life, permit yourself to move into a more favorable situation.  In short, change your perception of yourself and your abilities, which will improve the experience you have in your life. It sounds simple, but let’s look at how this will work and what it will look like in the future.

Letting Go- Moving On

Too often in life, we find ourselves in desperate need of change, but we are unwilling to take action or let go of the past.  Things may be quite comfortable where you are, and it seems like it would be crazy to change from the secure cocoon of your environment.  You know you need change when you start to have some tentative feelings, which you know whatever it is will be right for you. Perhaps you spend a lot of time regretting never saying or doing certain things. Or feeling the fear of change but still wanting to do it anyway.  Look inside of yourself and listen to the guidance you have.

The past is great, it creates learning experiences, and we have positive and negative ones based on the amount of suffering connected to them. Too many lives get to a certain point in a career or a family where they feel there are no new options or that the way things are in the way, they will always be.  I would argue that things are never going to be as they ever were.  You can be a catalyst for change, or you can be the victim of it.  Permit yourself to let go of what was, good or bad, and move forward with what you want to become. At this time, you are ready to learn something new and remind yourself exactly who you are. You have way more input into that than you realize. You can permit yourself to let go and move forward any time you choose.

Learn and Grow

Permitting yourself to change, move forward, or, more accurately, grow into the person you are is empowering.  Change is happening all the time, and giving yourself permission to learn and grow, gives you a chance to create a future orientation around your thoughts. No matter where you find yourself right now, the opportunity exists to learn and grow from here into whatever type of person you want to be. Then you can move forward with a statement of what exactly you want to experience and feel in your life.

As your mind expands and the thoughts you create become more forward-thinking, you introduce a potential of what a life can be and mean to you. You have the opportunity to become whatever type of person you want to be. It all starts with permitting yourself to do so, allowing yourself to begin engaging your competency in thought and actions, and being creative with it. Your expansion of possibilities outside of the accepted norms you have been bound by up until now. You have permission to learn and grow any time you want to claim it.

Give Permission for What You Want

There are no natural limits to what you can permit yourself to go after. Whether you get what you want will be up to a combination of your persistence, talent, and heart, but knowing you deserve whatever it is you want should never be a debate.  Permit yourself to change to a better version of yourself.  It may be the bravery you seek in life to do the things you haven’t dared. It may be the strength you need to maintain your efforts over time. It may be honesty you would like more of in your world to be more truthful in all situations. Perhaps it is defensive actions you would like to use to protect yourself from the slings and arrows of the mean people in the world.  Whatever it is you need, permit yourself to have it.

Most of us have been permitting ourselves to feel wrong about some aspect of our lives. It is just as easy to permit yourself to have and enjoy whatever you want to have. It will excite the bravery inside you and allow you to perform at your highest level of power. Permitting yourself to acknowledge your accomplishments, large and small, will build your confidence and enable you to achieve whatever goals you have. Give yourself permission to feel good and be the best person you possibly can be.

“We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone, and as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”-Marianne Williamson

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”-Mahatma Gandhi

“Nature doesn’t ask your permission; it doesn’t care about your wishes or whether you like its laws or not. You’re obliged to accept it as it is, and consequently all its results as well.”-Fyodor Dostoevsky.

21

The Truth

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Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first? 

seek truth jonathan hilton
The truth fears note.

A part of me will argue that you have to challenge everything before accepting it as truth; otherwise, you are susceptible to believing anything that someone tells you.

Yet I have another thought that sometimes you can know that something is right without investigating it at all.

I contend that you should often challenge the truth because even the wisest people don’t know when to accept something as it is.

When it Comes to Science

When it comes to knowing the truth, a good challenge is appropriate and should be welcomed because if what you are looking at is the truth, it will withstand any investigation or inquiry and still be the same afterward.

At one time, the most prestigious scientists believed wholeheartedly that the world was flat and that the Earth was the center of the universe.  Challenging either of these facts would have gotten you into a lot of trouble and certainly would have lost you any chance of advancement in a field of science. However, these ideas were proven to be false, and other thoughts took their place, to be challenged in their turn.

It seems that today, we feel like we know everything, and you should never challenge science. Who knows what we will learn next if we keep questioning things.  A question can never be a bad thing.

Social Norms Should Always be Challenged

truth jonathan hilton
This is a great way to go, even if it makes you uncomfortable

Socially people seem to take a nearly deranged pleasure in putting people into groups. 

Fitting people into beautiful, neat little boxes based on dress, religion, sexual orientation, or even skin color provided an excuse for separation.

This type of discrimination has been systematically challenged and destroyed over the past one hundred years or so.

People who challenged societal norms always faced initial opposition, but after a concerted effort, there is more and more acceptance of all people. There are still challenges to make, but that seems to be the case for people. Growth comes after challenge.  I have to believe that the level to which we will accept differences will continue to grow.

Why do people hate to challenge

There is a lot of fear involved when the truth is challenged and found to be false, and some people doubt that if some idea they held as absolutely correct now is mistaken, then: What else are they wrong about in life?

This question can knock the sense out of people.  Some will accept the changes as a typical growth pattern, and knowing the truth shouldn’t be seen as a bad thing.

However, many people turn the opposite way and cling ever deeper to their beliefs, never wanting to let them go because it is just too scary for them.

Most of the time, the truth needs to be challenged because if it is the truth, it will stand up, and if it isn’t true, it will never lead to happiness.

Higher Power Challenge

jonathan hilton intuition
Sometimes your heart is right and needs no proof.

Sometimes though, there are things that you have to accept as truth, even if you can’t see it one way or the other that they exist.  Any religious belief has to be undertaken this way because there is no proof of God’sGod’stence; we must accept it on faith.

What God is and if he exists is a debate that has affected the history of humanity for thousands of years.  Does that mean the idea of God shouldn’t be challenged?

No, not at all, but I am not sure what kind of experiment you could perform to see that God exists definitively.   When you look at all of the world’s religions, most of which differ only slightly in doctrine and practice, it is hard to believe that they could have all gotten it wrong.

But the conventional thought is not conventional wisdom.  For me, I think that there has to be a reason that we are all here to accomplish something and that there is a reason why we can reason, be creative, and make moral decisions.  Test away, and when you can prove God exists or not, I will listen with an open mind.

Still Seeking The Truth

For the most part, it is impossible to know the truth without testing it because the truth is everlasting and unapproachable; if something is correct, then testing, trials, or questioning won’t harm it in the least.

When it comes to things you can’t prove or challenge, like the existence of God, it has to come down to your faith.  Either we are a cosmic accident that happens to be here, or we are a magnificent creation to do great things if we let ourselves.

“All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”

“He who has truth at his heart need never fear the want of persuasion on his tongue.”- John Ruskin.

“Those who know the truth are not equal to those who love it.”

“Lies run sprints, but the truth runs marathons.”- Michael Jackson

One truth is we all want to get home again:

21

Improve

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Improve-make or become better.

improveIn all aspects of life, you are getting better, or you are getting worse.  People never stay the same for long. It is your conscious choice to evaluate where you are and decide what steps to take to improve your situation. Look honestly at where you are physically, spiritually, and mentally and determine what steps you can take to become better as a person contributing to your life.

To improve is very important not only for you but for those around you. When you educate yourself, you will improve the world as well. It may be in a minimal way, but change the world you will.  It all begins with conscious awareness and honest evaluation of where you are and how you can improve.  This change manifests in your thoughts, words, and actions.

Always Seek to Improve

I believe that people spend too much time in comparison to the accomplishments and activities of other people. This measuring leads to envy, disappointment, and low self-esteem. An analogy is a highway to frustration. There will always be someone who is perceived to be improvebetter. This form of competition is never going to be productive.  You will spend so much time worrying about how you measure up to someone else that you will lose focus on the most vigorous competition. That is with yourself. If you think you will not be happy until you achieve this feeling of being the best, how can you ever be happy today if you perceive you are not in this position?

The only person you should try to improve from is the person you were yesterday.  What are the steps you have taken to improve? If you are better than you were yesterday, you are moving in the right direction.  Look at people around you who are vital and thriving. I will bet there has been a focus on seeking improvement in their skills and abilities. We are all given some talents. It is up to us if we try to develop them or not.  When you improve yourself, you improve the world in a small positive way. These improvements most often will not come in giant leaps, but through consistent, small steps each day, moving you continually upward toward being the best human being you can be.

Attitude is Everything

Establishing the right mindset will allow improvement to come to you more easily. Understand that you have areas that you need to improve in to become your best. No improvematter how good you are at something, you can be better. This growth is an attitude that will allow you to find new limits.  The other choice you have is to be satisfied with where you are, which will lead to stagnation and a loss of skill or talent.  The amount of this loss is all determined by your attitude toward life.

It can be difficult to accept criticism in life. It would be nice if we were born perfect, but that would rob us of the journey. Each choice we make to become better in some way makes us better in other ways as well.  It takes dedication to improve your health. It takes consistency to improve your mind. It takes practice to grow spiritually.  All of these characteristics that you develop when you progress in one area will also carry over to improvements in other areas.

Evaluate to be Great

The challenge for you today is to become more conscious of where you are in life and where the roads to improvement lie.  It will not be the same for everyone except that we all have opportunities to improve right now. It can improveexist in any aspect of your life, financial, physical, relationships, career, family, spiritually, or any other part of your life. You can think of that holds within it a desire from you to be better at it.  Evaluate where you are and set a goal for where you want to be.  Then take action to try to move in that direction.

You will find your ideal direction being reached. There is a satisfaction that comes as you improve. It is a confidence that allows you to do things you never thought you would be able to do.  It begins by becoming more conscious in your thoughts, words, and actions as to how you can improve.  Be just a little bit better today than you were yesterday, and the world will open up for you.

Take a moment and observe your thoughts and feelings. If you are unhappy, what idea is making you that way?  Learn to improve the way you think about things and the thoughts you pay attention to every moment.  It is in these practices people find a key to continual improvement in the enjoyment of life.  It is not what happens to you that counts, but how you think about what happens to you that will provide happiness or sadness to your existence. You are the only one who can choose which dominates your life.

“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.” ~Winston Churchill

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always be where you’ve always been.” —T.D. Jakes

“You’ve got to have rules to live by, and one of mine always says yes. Put yourself in danger of something amazing happening to you.” —Tom Bilyeu.

“The health of your brain is much more about your actions than your age.” —Dr. Daniel Amen

 

 

 

 

21

Responsible

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Responsibility- the state or fact of being accountable 

One of the constant challenges people face is accepting responsibility for the choices they make.  The finger of blame is often the first thing people do when a situation arises. To be responsible is the best way to find solutions to problems rather than clear ourselves of wrongdoing.

Avoid excuses and look for manageable actions that you can undertake to find solutions to problems. Energy spent on anything else is going to be a waste of time.  It all begins by looking at your thoughts, words, and actions when any situation arises that is deemed harmful or positive, and you are in control of creating your response.  Be accountable for your location, and you have power.

Excuses are the nails in the house of failure.

When a situation arises, it is human nature to want to distance ourselves from all things negative. Pointing the finger at someone or something else is one of the earliest lessons we learn. We don’t want to be punished as children, so throwing someone else under that bus is a good strategy.  But it isn’t a healthy or positive one. We are only as strong as the most plausible excuse we will accept from ourselves. We learn to use reasons to avoid taking responsibility.  When this process is transferred to other parts of our lives as we grow, the first thing we look for is a plausible excuse and deniability.

What you are saying when you accept an excuse is that “I couldn’t help it. I am weak and helpless.”  That is a message that will resonate with you in all areas of your life.  You will believe that you are weak and helpless.  The fact is that you are just about as frail or disabled as you choose to be, and that choice lies in any plausible excuse you accept about yourself or your situation.  Learn to leave the reasons behind your thoughts, words, and actions. The method is responsibility.

Manageable Actions Equal Responsibility

When you are looking at any situation, begin by seeing the result as positive or negative. Then look at the causes that brought the case about. Which objects are manageable, and which are not?  For example, acts of God are not compliant, broken beyond repair, or depleted resources are out of your control. What is never out of control is how you react to it. Use that factor as an excuse, and you will fail. Find an activity that you can take, and you will most likely succeed.  Find a manageable action.

There are always actions you take or inactions you choose that help or hinder any circumstance you may find yourself in.  Identify the actions or inactions that led to your current situation. If the condition is favorable, repeat them; if the state is negative, change them. Either way, accept responsibility for where you are at. Use your power rather than give it away in the form of excuses.  You are as solid and robust as a person, as you are willing to accept responsibility for being.

Improvement Is a Choice

Therefore, it is up to you to learn to repeat the manageable actions that lead to favorable circumstances in your life.  Along with that is the talent to see the plausible excuses you are using to weaken yourself. Accept your strength with responsibility and move away from your weakness of plausible explanations. There are many good excuses for failure. If you accept one as your own, failure is where you end up.

It all starts with a focus on your thoughts, words, and actions. As you develop your consciousness and become more aware of the forces you allow to control your life, look for the steps you can take to move forward rather than the excuses you can accept to justify yourself.  The result will be success, contentment, happiness, and reliability.

“The price of greatness is responsibility.” ~ Winston Churchill

“You must take personal responsibility. You can’t change some circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have control of.” ~ Jim Rohn

 

21

Consequence

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Every action has a reaction and a consequence.

All you experience in life is a result of the actions that you have taken. It is a bad habit we develop excuses to justify unfortunate situations faced in our experience and the circumstances we are in. Apologies are only going to hold you back. Accepting responsibility is always the best answer.  Even if you honestly feel that things are out of your control, taking responsibility for where you are is the best mindset to adopt.

Otherwise, you are always looking to accept the mentality of the victim.  We all have choices every day, and each decision we make in thought, word, or action will affect our lives.  Better to be favorable than unfavorable. In a nutshell, it is essential to understand that all actions we take will affect our experience.  Always without exception.

The Energy of Life

All things are energy. Energy can’t be created nor destroyed; it is only transformed.  In your life, the actions you choose to take will influence the power around you.  All of the decisions that we make in our thoughts become our words and our actions.  The ability associated with these things is dictated by the tenor and tone of our dreams.  Positive reviews create positive words and actions. This process leads to positive energy. The same is true for negative energy as well. Your thoughts dictate it.

There is energy all around you all the time. If you want to test this cause and effect law on point, spend time with an intensely negative person.  Someone who spends their time complaining and gossiping about other people will bring an opposing force to their lives that will diffuse into yours if you spend a lot of time with them.   The same is true of someone positive in thought and action; they will create positive, good energy around you that you will take with you.  The moral of this cause and effect moment is to look for the positive people in life, choose to spend time with them and avoid negative people.

Leave Excuses Behind

As children, we face many situations where we are trying to avoid punishment for our actions.  Not doing homework, doing something a little dangerous, or doing anything against our parent’s wishes could lead to trouble and punishment. We learn to manipulate with excuses from an early age.  Once we find the most plausible explanation that everyone accepts, we use it again and again.  It could be about our health, a mental issue, or just a lack of talent.  Once you agree with an excuse, you have pushed responsibility off.  So as you might have gained the momentary reward of not being punished or manipulating a situation in your favor, the effect of that is you will start to create and accept excuses in all areas of your life.

The effects of excuse-making take away your power.  You will now be looking for reasons outside of yourself for everything that happens rather than looking at yourself and accepting responsibility for where you are and taking actions to get you where you want to be.  The effect of taking responsibility is a personal power that will help propel you toward whatever you want to accomplish. You can take actions that will affect your life and the world, which can happen every second of every day. Leave the excuses behind and accept responsibility whenever you can in life, and be empowered with what you can accomplish.

Be a Positive Effect

In your own choices in life, be a positive force in the world.  Focus on what you think, say, and do, in particular when it comes to how you deal with other people. Be accepting of those with different views and forgive those you have perceived to have wronged you. Give to those less fortunate than you.  Be a cause that has a positive effect on the world.  Be grateful for what you have and accepting of all good things entering your life. This, to me, is the best way to understand the law of cause and effect and make it a positive thing for your life and the world. 

“Shallow men believe in luck or circumstance. Strong men believe in cause and effect.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson.

“The sower may mistake and sow his peas crookedly: the peas make no mistake, but come up and show his line.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

“Nobody ever did, or ever will escape the consequences of his choices.” – Alfred A. Montapert.

 

21

To Forgive

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forgiveness 99To live life is to be let down. Disappointment seems to come with the territory. We then have a few simple choices when things go wrong, and we can carry around the anger of being hurt or practice forgiveness and move on. Sometimes other people’s actions are so painful that it seems impossible to forgive like you will be letting the person who wronged you off the hook. That is the same attitude that keeps you suffering and under the control of an event or the actions of others for your entire life.  There are many benefits of forgiveness the will make your life a more enjoyable experience.  Freedom is one, and there are many benefits of forgiveness.

Your Health Will Be Better.

When you look around the internet for benefits of forgiveness, the Mayo Clinic offers a great many

Greater health and energy from forgiveness
More excellent health and energy from forgiveness

physical benefits the process of forgiving can provide. Letting go of the negative emotions surrounding any grudge-holding or hurt is not debatable. They include lower blood pressure, a lower risk of depression, decreased anxiety, improved relationships, better heart health, and a more robust immune system.

All of these were coming from the rational choice to forgive someone. The alternative is to hang on to the grudge and have all of the material things above become a problem, as in increased anxiety, higher blood pressure, more mediocre relationships, worse heart health, and weaker immune system. It seems like a no-brainer for your health to forgive others or yourself and let go of the negative emotions surrounding an event in your life. Your health will be better for it.

Buddha once said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

Forgiveness Nurtures Growth

It doesn’t seem to matter if it is a relatively small event you can’t forgive someone or yourself for or a choose to growhuge mistake when you maintain the grudge. You are remaining stuck where you are.  Think about it, an event that has happened in the past exists in the past, and as long as your focus is on the past, that is where you will stay.  To forgive and let go of the anger will allow you to move forward with your life. The only way to become unstuck and start to grow is to forgive those we are angry with.

Events in the past are not going to change, and they are what they are. Only your attitude about them can change, and you have total control over them. The person who gets the benefit of your forgiveness is going to be you. You will find that you can create, be optimistic about the future, and leave the weight of the past behind you. You will be surprised how much you can do without all that extra weight of blame, anger, hatred, and lack of forgiveness weighing you down. You can begin to grow again. Without growth, life ceases to exist.

Nobody is Off The Hook

Forgiveness is not weighted. That is, there are no levels of forgiveness, depending on the wrong forgive1committed. You will still be weighed down, trapped by an event or person, and unable to grow until you decide to forgive.  Many people I talk to say that what was done to them was too awful, too terrible to be forgiven. When you forgive, you do not condone or make anything morally right. You permit yourself to leave the experience of the event behind you and to move forward. Nobody is let off the hook by your forgiveness except for you.  You never have to talk to a person to forgive them.

Forgiveness is a rational choice that you make, allowing you to direct your thoughts more positively. It will enable a person to create positive new memories and a life full of happiness and joy, rather than to be weighed down by the negative memory of an event or person from the path. All of the control in your life will move you and away from an adverse event.  You will become a more reliable, more powerful person when you practice forgiveness because forgiveness is proactive. Anger, resentment, grudges, and hate are all reactive.

“Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.”— Desmond Tutu

“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”— Bryant H. McGill

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”— Mark Twain

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”— Lewis B. Smedes

21

Better

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I believe that all challenges in life bring with them the opportunity to grow and become better.  The pandemic times of today get an excellent chance to become better people. In the way, we think, act, and in the amount of compassion we show others.  One of the things I am working on today is understanding my mind to bring my best to the table, should this isolation ever end, and I am allowed to venture freely out into the world again.  I want to share four habits I am trying to practice in all areas of life to become a better person and to have the sacrifices we have all made have some intrinsic value.

I read about these habits as they apply to Navy SEALs training, which is some of the most difficult mental and physical challenges any person can face.  Looking at those that passed and those that dropped out, there are four mental habits that you can apply to your life and become mentally and physically more demanding.

  1. Focus on the Now

When you are doing a task, painful or not, focus on completing that as best you can and don’t time looking to the past, thinking of past failures.  It is also defeating to look at the 52 other things you have to do once this task is complete. Focus on the right now. If you are on a three-mile run with a full pack, focus on this one step, then the next, not the distance you still have to cover.

You can apply this idea to tasks in your life by focusing solidly on what you are doing right now and giving it your best effort.  I work in production right now, and it doesn’t do any good to complain about how long the day is when you are just getting started. It does do good to focus on completing the task at hand, one thing at a time.  Our focus is powerful when you do this. It can be challenging as others place demands on you but move methodically through your tasks one at a time, and soon you will have everything done and done well. Focus on the right now.

2. Imagine Joy

Challenges are complicated, and to complete them and maintain your positive attitude. It will help you remember accomplishments from your past and how good it felt when you finished them.  Just as you focus on the now, break your immense task down into smaller steps on a list and have an inner celebration as you check them off your list. Learning to transfer feelings of success from our experiences onto today will allow you to move with vitality and purpose through the functions of the day.

Each accomplishment gives your brain a hit of positivity, and this will fuel you through your day. Rather than look at the tasks you are facing and diminishing them or yourself, which will only bring you a negative attitude and a bad day along with it.  The more you practice the mental exercise of putting joy, success, and accomplishment in all things you do, the easier it will be for you in all areas of your life.

3.  Breathe

Breath in for 6, hold for two, out for 6, two between

When everything seems to be falling apart, and the pressure is getting to you, and you feel overwhelmed, take a moment and breathe.  Breath deeply for a count of six.  Then pause for a count of two and then exhale for a count of six. Pause for two seconds and do it again.  Do this three or four times.  Each in-breath will increase the oxygen to your brain and give you a chance to catch your breath.

It is a fact that deep, controlled breathing is a powerful method of improving your mood, thoughts, and attitude in just a short amount of time.  Try it right now and see what it does for you.  Too often, we are so wrapped up in our thoughts we forget to take the control we have in our breathing and focus our minds on the things we can do right now to become better.

4. Be Your #1 Fan

Too often, people let their negative thoughts about themselves and their abilities rise to the top of their thinking. Rather than allowing your thoughts to go into a negative spiral about life, thinking every aspect of your existence is terrible or boring, you can actively work from your greatness.   Instead of doubting yourself or the path life is taking you, have confidence it is taking you in a direction needed for growth. If you make a mistake, you will learn from it and be even more remarkable because of it.

Instead of listing all of your problems and challenges, make a mental list of everything that feels good in your day.  There are always things that feel good if you look for them.  It could be enjoying the people you work with, being better than you were the day before, doing something new, or just going home at the end of the day. Find the positives and think about them. It will improve your attitude and allow you to accomplish more than you ever believed you could.

The next time you face a difficult challenge in your mind, give these four habits a try, focus on the moment, Imagine how good you will feel, breathe deeply and be your own best cheerleader.  It is easy to dismiss these practices as so dull they will never work, but you have to decide if you want to struggle continually in life or take proactive steps to be more confident and find success in all that you do.

“Depending on what they are, our habits will either make us or break us. We become what we repeatedly do.” ―Sean Covey

“It is “easier to prevent bad habits than to break them.” ―Benjamin Franklin

“Our character is basically a composite of our habits. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character.” ―Ste “hen Covey

 “I have learned that champions aren’t born; champions can be made when they embrace and commit to life-changing positive habits.” ―Lewis Howes.

“You leave old habits bd by starting out with the thought; I release the need for this in my life.'” ―Wayne Dyer

 

21

Emotional

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Through this human experience, we are inundated daily with all sorts of emotions.  Emotions are defined as: “a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.” They are our feelings, and unless you learn how to deal with them, they will deal with you.

These are things we face every moment of every day, but very few people look at what their emotions mean or, more importantly, what they are trying to communicate to us.  Emotions control much of what we do and how we relate to others in our lives. Take a moment and investigate how your feelings are affecting your daily existence.  Why are they so important? Where do they come from? How can we deal with them more helpfully? These answers will help you function more truly and honestly in your life.  You will cease to be at the mercy of the seemingly random appearance of your emotions because you will know where they come from.   You are not your emotions of love or anger or fear; how you react to them makes you who you are.

Why Emotions Are Important

Our emotions come from our thoughts, and most often, our thoughts are a reaction to the experience we are having or, more often, to experiences we had in the past. As we experience our daily lives, situations arise which stimulate thoughts. We have a complete memory bank of skills. When something happening now reminds us of something from the past, emotions are triggered, like a warning about suffering or pleasure from history that we might repeat shortly.  Anger, for example, is the face of fear. We get angry when thoughts that might not meet our needs are front and center in our minds. Many people get into the habit of using anger as a default to getting what they want, getting mad any time anyone challenges them, or not going exactly the way they want. These emotional responses are not healthy because, over time, anger takes its toll on your body, and more significantly, your relationships. Nobody wants to spend quality time with a ticking time bomb.

Our emotions tell us things that words can’t articulate, and learning to decipher these feelings rather than react mindlessly to them gives us a chance to be better and create healthier relationships. Start to look at your emotions pragmatically, from the perspective of, where did this come from? What is it you are feeling, and why do you feel this way right now? Every thought comes complete with a corresponding emotional response. Emotions are important because they are away. We communicate with the world and ourselves.  To ignore or suppress your feelings is a good recipe for poor mental and physical health. What is inside of you and how you feel will eventually come to the surface. You can decide if it is through a gentle investigation of how you think or an explosion of emotional steam after weeks, months, or years of psychological repression. Take care of your emotions, and they will take care of you. Listen to them, and they will provide you with a direction of where you need to go.

Watching Emotions

Rather than let your emotions dictate your words, actions, and life experience, the moment you feel them, take a minute and allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Our bodies are excellent because they think the stimulus from outside is like hot and cold, but also feel an incentive that comes from inside, like happy or sad. Rather than being controlled by your emotions, take a second and let it be there. The sentiment is a feeling or response, and you can sit back and observe it. What is causing it? What is the stimulus of this thing? It could be a link to some experience from your childhood, which is irrelevant today. When you can observe the emotion, you are no longer part of that response. You are separate from it.

Doing this successfully will allow you to investigate what is going on inside of you at that moment.  Watch the thoughts you are thinking, which have the emotion attached.  Watch your inner world unfold and ask questions about the genesis of your emotional responses. Doing this will allow you to understand yourself better and relate to the world and those in it.  Being effective at this will allow you the chance to become more in charge of your emotional health. Although you will never be able to control your emotions, you can understand how to work with them healthily and use the information they are sending you. Rather than just reacting in a mindless, subconscious way.  It takes time and effort to do this, but it will give you a better understanding of yourself and others when you become better at this.

Documenting Your Emotions

To start to practice this, you need to take some simple action. Start by documenting your emotions. Look back at your day and write down when you had an intense emotional response. Notice these feelings and how they affected you. Then follow it to its roots. What was the situation? What was said? Who was there? What were you thinking? Which of your thoughts are tied to which emotional response? All of this information is available to you every day and in all situations. You have to be willing to investigate, document, and get to know yourself in the emotional realm.  Each time you put your emotions down on paper, you will build a more reliable connection with yourself, where you came from, and what it is that you need to deal with. Negative emotions are dangerous to your health, and of course, your relationships, and to be at their mercy makes you a reactor to life.

When you know which situations or thoughts lead you to love, fear, sadness, happiness, or any other emotion, then you are in control of things. Isn’t anxiety a response to thoughts that create fear? Look for the ideas that put you in a negative emotional state and shine a light on them. Explore them. Understand them. Like a monster under the bed, a little light will reveal that you are spending your time entertaining unnecessary thoughts of fear. There is a freedom that comes from understanding yourself in all facets because understanding and knowledge are always the keys to power, and in this case, it is your power.

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”-Horace Walpole.

“Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.”-Elizabeth Gilbert.

“We all live at the mercy of our emotions. Our emotions influence and shape our desires, thoughts, and behaviors and above all our destiny.”-Dr. T.P.Chia

 

21

You Deserve It

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you deserve to be happyDo you deserve happiness? This thought is a question most of us ask either on the conscious or subconscious level, and the honest answer we give too often is NO.  This limiting belief comes with us through the experiences that have taught us to expect less than the best. There is no reason to look at yourself and believe that you don’t deserve happiness. The only thing stopping you from living a happy life is own negative stories that you tell yourself in your mind. You always have the choice to look at yourself with softer eyes and admit that you deserve to be happy.

Your Mind is the Key on How to Feel Happy in Life

Your mind is a beautiful tool, but sometimes the wiring is off, and we 0b13574e717dd8cedbe9d364b21885a6listen to everything it tells us. Your ego has the job of making sense of the world and finding out why you are where you are.  Your ego evaluates all of your actions and most often uses negative stories to do so. These stories in your mind are the negative limiting beliefs we carry throughout life until we consciously choose to change them. Most of them come to light to keep you safe.  Your ego remembers that you tried and failed, loved once, and were hurt or trusted and disappointed.  That is where the negative stories come from, fear.

If your stories are telling you in any way you don’t deserve to be happy because of an action in the past or an event that happened to you, you have two choices, believe it and allow the limitations of that thought to destroy any happiness you have. Or you can choose to realize that you deserve to be happy, no matter what has happened in the past.

Keep in mind that no matter who you are and what you are going through, you are doing the best you can with what you have to work with at the time. That is a simple truth. You may not like the results of the situation, but learn from it, develop and grow and see what happens in the future. Your positive feelings will guide you on the path to feeling happy in life. 

Everyone Can Feel Happy in Life

Happiness truly comes from within oneself. If you need an outside stimulus to how to be happy in lifebring happiness, it will be challenging to find constant joy in your life. Every day you are given a group of opportunities to experience. Whether they make you happy or not is a choice. You decide your attitude toward them and how it makes you feel.

“A great attitude becomes a great mood, which becomes a great day, which becomes a great year, which becomes a great life. “~ Zig Zigler

If you are looking for a stimulus to bring you happiness, your moments will be short-lived and sporadic. When that thing that supplies satisfaction, material possessions, money, drugs, sex, or anything else is removed, where are you?

You deserve to be happy as often as you decide you should be because you are a  unique person, the only one that has ever existed. Each of us has an originality that allows us to contribute our special gift to the world.

Each person is the only one who can decide whether they are happy or not. Nobody else can do this. You deserve it as much as anyone. Make the choice today to feel satisfied in life.

“If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.’
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.”—-Chinese Proverb

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.”—–Dale Carnegie

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”——-Winnie the Pooh

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