All posts by Jonathan Hilton

21

Joy

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What does your joy look like?

Can anyone define their joy as one particular aspect of a day or even a life?

I certainly can’t. Life is much faceted, and joy derives from many different experiences. The canvas that I paint on has many colors, and I take pleasure from many other parts of that image my life has created.

Joy is an emotion that comes from within each of us.  Things bring us experiences, but we have to allow the joy in ourselves to rise to the surface and show itself. Happiness can come when you are with someone else or by yourself. It can be in the morning or the afternoon.  You are fully able to feel it at any moment you choose.  My joy today looks like many things. I have some thoughts about some specific things I experience happiness about in life—a glimpse of what is making experience great pleasure and satisfaction today.

Freedom’s Just Another Name

Something about times of complete and utter freedom makes me extremely happy and fills my heart with joy and happiness.

freedom There are times in each day where you have to perform specific tasks for your job or to meet the expectations of loved ones. These acts bring a reward for their merit.  Yet, most days, there are moments where I have complete and utter freedom to do whatever I desire at that moment.

 My desires aren’t all that wild and unattainable. I like to write (surprise), I enjoy thinking, and I read with passion.  Finding the time and freedom to do these things fills me with joy today.

 I think that having and exercising your free will each day for some time make you feel rejuvenated and brand new. I know those moments when there is no requirement on me other than those I place on myself are precious.

 On most days, there is a small portion where I experience the freedom of choice, which looks like a joy to me today.

Be Creative, and Things will Flow.

tumblr_la3fh5yX2q1qcgiqwo1_500I have always thought of myself as a person that lacked creativity.  Since I was a young lad, I heard that I lacked the artistic imagination to make art.

The sad part was not that people said these things, but that I believed them.  If you feel this, it cripples your ability to find the answers you are looking for on your journey.

For example, some writers suffer from writer’s block. They can’t get the flow going no matter how hard they try.  One of the most effective ways to break down walls of any kind is to do something creative.  I find that as I become completely engaged in an activity on the creative side, generally, the blocks go away, and words and ideas start to flow freely.

Surprisingly drawing is a form of expression for me, which allows me to do this.  Even though I have no talent in this area, engaging in a brief drawing session will let me find some clarity if I struggle with thought. Creativity looks like my joy today.

Music is Joy

I have often written about how much music means to me, and it is a daily love affair that is only limited by the number of songs available for me to hear.  No one genre brings me joy because many songs and artists I wouldn’t think I would like to perform songs that I find that I can relate to, at least to some degree! I find that nothing explains your emotions better than music or speaks to your soul like the lyrics of the right song.!

Music works magically like a time machine and transports you to different times in your life, and you can almost more than remember those people who were in your life at the time, you can only touch them with your heart and feel them with your soul but touch them and feel them you do.

A song can transport you over the years to a specific place and time. In an instant, you are there re-experiencing the moment from long ago. Happiness, sadness, or even joy can wash over you as you remember your past actions through a song.

As I drive down the road listening to some great music from today and yesterday, I know my joy looks like music today.

You Look Like Joy To Me!

If you are reading this, then you are what my joy looks like today.  I was thinking about what makes me joyous, and that is when something I write affects someone else and makes them believe in any way.

It can be a positive or negative reaction, but to be moved enough to comment, either way, makes me very happy.

 As anyone who writes probably has realized, this is all just the thoughts that come into your head.  They never existed before in the manner you used them and wrote them down. It is an expression of yourself in your mind.

 If someone else can read them and take something from them, find inspiration, commiseration,  or agitation, then I think that is a pretty powerful thing. I enjoy reading the ideas of others as they push me to learn more about myself and think about what I want to be and do in this experience of life: the personality and the presentation of the information counts.  Much like music, there is an unlimited number of writers and creators out there providing great information and excellent entertainment.  I learn something interacting with each written piece I come across.  I find new ones every day like a treasure hidden, just waiting for someone to discover them.

Joy is a feeling that comes from within, and all of these help me feel it because I accept them in my life. Each of us is in charge of the level of joy we experience and from what source it comes.

“Let your joy be in your journey—not in some distant goal.” —Tim Cook

“We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.” —Joseph Campbell

“Find joy in everything you choose to do. Every job, relationship, home… it’s your responsibility to love it, or change it.” —Chuck Palahniuk

“The soul’s joy lies in doing.” —Percy Bysshe Shelley

“If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any broken moment.”

 

 

21

Mindfulness

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All of us are looking for happiness. When you look at the result, we would like to experience all of our choices, and we hope to find satisfaction. However, it seems like many people let other things get in the way of their happiness.  Anger, jealousy, worry, or just plain fear grab ahold of your mind and stop you from reaching the ultimate goal of being happy in life.  The attachments we build to relationships, events, jobs, or anything else prevent us from enjoying the experiences we have every day.

Let it Go

It starts with the things we are attached to in thought. The attachments we make stem from the beliefs that we learned as children and never questioned. Thoughts about security, happiness, survival, success, we believe all these things in our lives are necessary to be happy.  Most of these things we hold on to are not the path to happiness but obstacles to it.

We are taught a narrative from a young age about what a successful education, career, and family life should look like in your life. People spend years cultivating this perceived image of success. We attach tightly to it, even though it may not make us happy. Letting go is difficult because our jobs have become a part of our identity.  Changing the narrative can be difficult because we worry about being accepted and what others, even those closest to us, think.  Let go of your attachments and see what happens.

Paradise and Hell

Inside each of us is the potential for heaven and the potential for hell. We decide which one shows up in our life. However, much of what happens to us is out of our control. How we react to everything is 100% of our choice.  We have the potential to build favorable circumstances or negative ones. Our selection of focus will determine what manifests in your life and how you affect the world.

If our choice is to wallow in the suffering of past hurts and sorrows, then this is a choice that will lead to a negative experience in your life. You are deciding to allow those negative feelings to grow inside you, and what we nurture inside will show up on the outside.

The good news is that no matter how negative you are currently or have been in the past, change can happen right now at this very moment.  The opposite thoughts are available to you right now. If you are experiencing fear, choose feelings of love. If you are bitter, focus on thoughts of acceptance. By concentrating and focusing on the positive, the seeds grown will choke out the negative in all aspects of life.

Be Mindful

This attitude leads to the practice of mindfulness. It means to plant your focus squarely on today and what is happening in your life right now—not allowing yourself to get lost in the memories of the past or trapped by thoughts of the future.  Practicing mindfulness can provide positive energy throughout the day, and that positive wave is available to you at all times.

Focused breathing is a simple way to bring your mind into the moment and to choke out random thoughts of the past or future. Happiness is at the moment. Not all moments are great to experience, but each moment of life has the potential for the experience of joy. You will miss this if your mind is lost in the past or floating around in the future.

Manage your Focus

A focus of thought is the next step, and it works with mindfulness. Once you can center your thoughts on what is happening today, then weeding out the ones that negatively affect you is easy to do.  Concentrating will not allow thoughts of potential suffering or fear of the future to stop you from living a vital and happy life right now.  Life is a test, and there will be moments that test you. Real growth would be painful without them.

Notice Your Thoughts

Clarity is the result of all of this.  Seeing the world as it truly is and finding happiness in that experience. We are not worrying about what MIGHT come tomorrow or regret or be fretting over the past.  This realization will set you free from the suffering thoughts of anger, jealousy, and fear. The result will be feelings of true happiness. We all can use this insight, but it seems few take advantage of it to increase our level of satisfaction. That choice, as in all things, is yours.

  • “Be ever happy inside. You can’t change things outside of you, but you can change yourself.”
  • “There are no obstacles: There are only opportunities!”
  • “There is no greater power than to smile at failure, no more beautiful an ornament to your being than a genuine smile, and no beauty greater than the smile of peace and wisdom glowing on your face.”
  • “Live quietly in the moment and see the beauty of all before you. The future will take care of itself.”
  • “Forget the past, for it is gone from your domain! Forget the future, for it is beyond your reach! Control the present! Live supremely well now! This is the way of the wise.”
  • “Accept change as life’s only constant. Life is change.”

 

21

Choice Defines You

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Choice- an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities.  Something we all struggle with because we are always worried we will choose wrong.

What choices will you make today?

There is freedom that exists in every choice we make.  From the seemingly meaningless routines of the day to the most complicated interpersonal decisions, the choice of your thoughts, words, and actions always lies exclusively with you alone. That is an excellent and sometimes frightening proposition. But that is part of the joy of life. So I am trying to remember for myself and urge you to make the choices your heart is encouraging you to make. Even if they turn out to have challenges, you will have the ability to create new opportunities and move in another direction.  Each moment of life is a choice, and you create your character with the decisions you make, so choose well.

Daily Choices

The average person makes approximately 35,000 choices in a day. Many decisions arrive using our subconscious mind, and the automatic programming we have been collecting all your life. choiceThere is no conscious thought behind them. They might include, what you eat, what you wear, when you eat, the route you take to work, the places you stop along the way, the coffee you drink, the activities you participate in, or any number of things. There is a missed chance for consciousness in every choice we make on automatic pilot.

Every moment of the day is an opportunity to choose who you want to be. Honesty or lies? Kindness or meanness? Judgment or acceptance? Peace or anger?  These are just a few things that you choose at each moment of your life, and they determine who you are.  If you are unhappy with a portion of your life, then you have the power to choose another path for yourself. If you hate your job, decide to find another or find a way to make it more enjoyable.  If you are unhappy with your relationships, choose to work on what bothers you or select to end them. Be prepared to accept the freedom and responsibility of the results of your choices.

Choosing Our Reaction

There are moments in life that are out of our control, and we have no choice in them and certainly wouldn’t want to experience them. Natural disasters, the death of a loved one, job loss, the poor behavior of another are examples of things out of our control that no sane person would choose.  But we always have a choice in how we react to these unfortunate things.

Life is never a smooth road, there are bumps and challenges all the time, and they are there to allow for your growth. You choose how you deal with them. Do you become bitter or learn to be more accepting? Do you stay stuck in the past or move forward into the future? Do you give up? Or do you rebuild? Each choice will define you until the next opportunity comes along to change it. In the end, you are going to be responsible for the life you live.   We can make all the excuses we want. The choices we make in thought, words, and actions will tell the true story of our life. What choices are you making today?

Honoring Choices

I hope that more people will look at their choices and ask if they are things that will accept them. Only you can decide what thought, word, or action will bring honor to you or not.  I know that there have been times I made poor choices that did not honor my life for me. They were mistakes, and hopefully, I have learned from them and make more honoring preferences with that experience.

If you can be conscious enough to ask yourself in all small choices, does this honor me? You will get an answer, and that will guide you if you listen. It is essential in the manner you choose to treat other people. If you lie or cause harm to someone willingly, then you can expect those poor choices to become a part of your life for a while. It is just that you won’t be the giver of pain and suffering; you will be on the receiving end.

Be conscious of all of your choices today in thought, words, and actions.

“At some point in our life, everyone must decide if they are a creator or a critic, a lover or a hater, a giver, or a taker.” ~ Unknown

“Make good choices today, so you don’t have regrets tomorrow.” Anonymous

“Every day brings new choices.” Martha Beck

“Life is all about making choices. Always do your best to make the right ones, and always do your best to learn from the wrong ones.” Anonymous

“Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.” John C. Maxwell

“Everything in your life is a reflection of a choice you have made. If you want a different result, make a different choice.” Anonymous

“Every morning, you have two choices: Continue to sleep with your dreams or wake up and chase your dreams. The choice is yours.” Anonymous

“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” Denis Waitley

I have written about choice quite a lot in the past.

Crossroad Choices

Even more on this page

21

Responsible

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NEVER MAKE EXCUSES

Accept Responsibility for Life.

Each day, we can make these decisions to bring our lives into balance, enjoy the experience more, and connect us to life in general.

Today is a day of potential with a chance of increasing your enjoyment and energy by accepting things as they indeed are and taking responsibility for them.  Those two skills will allow you to experience a more happy and balanced life.  It is a simple concept but takes discipline to perform consistently. It begins by being conscious of your thoughts, the words you use to express them, and the actions you take because of the ideas you entertain. These are not complex concepts to fathom, nor are they trying to put into practice, but few choose to do them consistently because you have to be consistent in your practice.

Things Are What They Are

It can be difficult for people to accept unpleasant things as a part of their lives. This fact is true of experiencing some significant change on our part. Sometimes it is just easier to wish things were like they used to be, but they never are.  Change is happening all around you and inside you every day. The new comes and takes the place of the old, and that is a reality. To refuse to accept this is a cause of suffering.  Things are what they are. To think anything else is delusionary.

Accept the things in life. All the changes and growth that are going to come until the time that life ceases to exist continually.  Accept yourself and all others and the role they are playing in your life. Acknowledge that there is a divine presence in everyone, even if their actions are harmful and their behavior is unsatisfactory. Accept them and their journey as a part of yours. Life moves, injuries occur, rehabilitation is needed, you may find yourself down and in need of a comeback. All of these are possible once you accept how things are. You will have a solid base to go wherever you want. Accept things as they are because that is how they are.

Responsibility For All

My thoughts, words, and actions are all my responsibility, always.  This fact is a concept more people should focus on in their life. We all make a million decisions in a day. Most are rote actions we complete daily, and those decisions are made subconsciously and may or may not represent what you want to stand for. Focusing on all the ideas we bring into reality with our words and actions means you have to be conscious and aware. Choices of harsh words can harm people deeply below the surface where you can’t directly see the harm. It doesn’t matter what your intent is. It matters what the actual result is. If your words hurt someone, you are responsible for that, regardless of your original intention.

Many people choose to avert responsibility for whatever reason. It is a habit that allows the negative energy of a poor choice to stay with you for a long time.  Learn to accept responsibility for all things in your life, and when it needs to be “fixed,” then start fixing.  The acceptance will lead to a higher quality of life, bringing balance and happiness to your daily experience.  When you accept responsibility for all things, there is no fear of what others think. You are going to be productive and feel better about yourself. Your relationships with significant others, friends, family, and co-workers will also be better. When you make a mistake or hurt someone, take responsibility, and make amends.

Make Two choices Today.

It is up to you today to look honestly at your location and accept that it is a reality. You live where you live. You make the amount of money you make. You have the friends you have. If any of those things aren’t where you would like them to be, then you have the power to change them.  Be responsible for your choices every day and look for ways to learn from those who aren’t so good.  Use them to become better the next time you have options.  All of the things you choose are in your power.  Things may happen out of your control, but your decisions about dealing with them are all under your control. Nobody can make them for you.

As you move through this day, please take a moment and look at the thoughts you are entertaining about your life and how it is progressing today. Are you taking responsibility for where you are? Are you blaming others or circumstances? Are you just existing without much thought about it at all?  You have a conscious choice to see where you are and to accept responsibility for it. Once you do this, you can use your words and actions to make your life a more enjoyable experience. The level of enjoyment you experience is all up to you and the thoughts you choose to entertain in your conscious mind.

“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.”- Nathaniel Branden.

“Even the acceptance of personal responsibility may not overcome the temptation to believe that now is not the time to repent. ‘Now’ can seem so difficult, and ‘later’ appear so much easier. The truth is that today is always a better day to repent than any tomorrow. “-Henry B. Eyring.

“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.”- George Orwell.

 

 

21

Goodbye

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Goodbye-used to express good wishes when parting.

Life is a non-stop stream of hellos and goodbyes. The greetings are pretty easy to manage, like a breeze blowing into your life, bringing hope and understanding to all. The goodbyes can be devastating because you recognize the promise of a situation, making the experience more enjoyable than you no longer have. Saying goodbye provides lasting, sharp, and painful moments.

We all move through life changes; to change is life, and to live, we must accept it. Saying goodbye can be a change you never want to make because the presence of a person has been so positive. You can’t imagine your life without them.  It should be the hope of all people to leave an emptiness in their absence, which is challenging to fill.   Even though you may be moving on toward better things, you are still going behind people who mean a lot to you behind.  It is essential to be conscious of the good wishes you want to leave behind for those who have touched your life.  It all starts with an awareness of the thoughts you think of others, the words you speak to them, and your actions to show them today.

See You Soon

There are different types of goodbyes. There are the ones that are permanent and those that are just temporary for a time. The problem is that we often don’t know which is which. When it comes to the people I care about, I always say see you soon or see you later because that is my hope. Sometimes in life, you don’t get a chance to say goodbye, and it is too late, and you wish that just for one second, you could expect someone well on their journey. If only to let them know what an impact they had on your life and that you care about them. Unfortunately, you will never know if this goodbye is for the moment or forever. Treat them all like it is forever because if it is, everyone will know where they stand and the impact they have had on you. There is no regret in honesty.

Leaving where you work can be a challenging thing because, lots of times, our identity is wrapped up in what we do. You can lose your sense of self when you leave a job.  That is OK. Eventually, it provides a good learning experience that you are not your job.  The people you work with have made your situation bearable, and if you are a caring person, you will miss the influence they had on your life.  The halls of your life are lined with the echoes of their laughter and memories of their smiles.  Say see you soon and remember those good things, they will always travel with you and when you need them you remember.

Is it Forever?

That is a long time, but life is fleeting, and we will not be experiencing it forever.  All things have a beginning, a middle, and an ending. Life is this way too.  The end doesn’t have to be sad. It just has to be recognized.  When I was a young man, I avoided the whole situation of saying goodbye. If I never mentioned it and never talked about it, it wouldn’t exist. But of course,  that behavior didn’t stop anything.  Enjoy the people who make your life better while you are with them.  What would you say if it was the last time you saw them?

Be honest with people and tell them what you feel.  It is the best medicine for you and others. People leave our lives, and we are sad, and sometimes we cry. We don’t call for them, moving on to something else. We cry for ourselves because our lives are a little less vibrant without their colors being painted on your canvas anymore.  There is an emptiness. But that is a good thing because it means that you had a wonderful person in your life, like looking at an empty room once full of joy but now dormant and empty. The current condition does not cancel the old thoughts.

In your Heart and Mind

Even after people have died and left this show forever, when you think of them, for an instant, they are still here and with you. Their influence stays, and as long as you are alive. They are influenced by you as well. Even if they don’t admit it. The same is true as you leave the lives of others because you moved or moved on.  The influence of the people you care about is there whenever you think of it. So think of it and remember the right things.

Other people make our lives what they are. Happy, sad, angry, lonely, complete, or any other way you can describe life. Appreciate the ones that make your life better and tell them often. The same can be said with the circumstances you experience. Enjoy the great things, and the things you don’t like will fade into the background of your memory. There are always going to be valuable diamonds you carry with you from all experiences in life. Sometimes they are tiny, but they still exist. Cherish these positives and let the negative go, only taking lessons with you.

As you look at your life, seeing the times you have had to say goodbye. Evaluate what you have learned, what and who you miss, and make sure that you take advantage of every chance not to say goodbye but to thank you.  Thank the people who have shaped your life better in any small or big way.  It all begins with a focus on your thoughts about the absence of others, the words we use to speak to and about them, and the actions we take because of these goodbyes.  Thank you to all the people who have made my life a great and exciting experience. See you soon!

“It’s time to say goodbye, but I think goodbyes are sad, and I’d much rather say hello. Hello to a new adventure.” Ernie Harwell

“Life is made up of meetings and partings; that is the way of it.” ~ Charles Dickens

“You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing.” -E.B. White (Charlotte’s Web)

“Don’t be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.” -Richard Bach

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” -A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)

 

21

How Are You Programmed?

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Programming- a:  the process of instructing or learning utilizing an instructional program. b: the process of preparing an instructional program for a device (such as your mind)

Everything seems to run and be limited by the programming it has received.  As people, we obtain our programming from society and those influential in our lives from the moment we are born.  We get instructed on how to think, what actions are acceptable and where our value lies in constructing the situation we are experiencing.  These factors are the programming of our lives, and it determines what we can create, the amount of wealth we accumulate, and the types of relationships we accept for ourselves.  It is all programming from outside sources, and we take it all as truth.  But it isn’t, and that is one of the biggest lies of life.  It all starts with looking at your thoughts and being aware of the origin of their source. Is it original, or have you been taught to think that way? Ideas have corresponding emotions attached, which color how you feel about things. Then there are the words you use to express those thoughts to the world and their power validating your programming or contributing to the programming of others.  Of course, it all results in the actions you take. Every choice will determine your impact on the world with all of those you interact with daily. Your power comes from your programming.

We Believe our Programs

It is our programming that sets up our beliefs, and the chain reaction begins. Most of the results we have experienced in our lives result from the type of programming we have received throughout. Each interaction and experience provides an input of information we internalize. Either we choose to accept it as a part of who we are, or we reject it.  The scary part is that much of what we get as accurate is faulty, cynical, and just plain untrue.  So the system, our life, is running on information with no factual or healthy basis.  Our programs take each choice, decision, thought, feeling, word, and action.  We believe what we are programmed to think, and our programs run our lives.

If your programming tells you that you are no good, overweight, ugly, and unworthy, then that is what your reality is going to be. What is the significant difference between someone who achieves easily and someone who doesn’t?  Programming is the answer and the way they see themselves and their place in the world. This programming left unaddressed will continue to run in the background of your mind, influencing all attempts you make to change your situation in any way. They are not permanent, but these programs are persistent and will not change by magic or wishful thinking.  Real change starts with looking at your thoughts, which will tell you the current plan you have running.

How Thoughts Reveal Programming

Your thoughts are running all day long, and sometimes we are conscious of the ideas we accept, so we pay attention to them.  But most times, we allow our thoughts to run in the background of our subconscious mind. How does your subconscious know what opinions are critical and which ones to discard?  Programming, of course. Where you have traditionally placed your emotional attachments and beliefs before determining this, you may consciously think about losing weight, but when your guard is down, and your subconscious programming takes over and will sabotage a lot of good work you might have done.

Look at your thoughts and notice how they speak about you. There is a constant dialogue in your brain, revealing everything you think and feel. Most importantly, look at your thoughts about your value in any area you think is lacking. Finances, relationships, or health, your current condition is mainly due to your programming.  Listen to your thoughts and notice the negative beliefs you accept without question. This truth is your programming, and it is NOT permanent, but it is pervasive in everything you do.  Change involves focus and learning how to change your programming.

Change the Programs Change Your World

Changes in programming happen on the inside. We start to notice the negative programming and seek to replace it with something more positive. Know what you want in life and create a clear picture of it. Notice the thoughts you have when you think about that thing.  They will reveal your programming in that area of life.  If you want to change the outcome, then replace the negative programming.  One of the best ways I have found to do this is through positive self-talk.  Our programming controls the way we talk to ourselves in our minds. Much of this is negative words and thoughts that result in negative results.  You may have success for a day, a week, or a month but in the end, we will all default to our programming.

To change your programming for good is not all that complicated, but it isn’t easy either.  Replace the negative things which are stopping you from being healthy, wealthy, and happy in life with positive programming, which will allow you to grow as a better person.  Being better is done by the talk you allow in your mind.  If you support programming that limits you, like: I am not good at that. I have no balance. I am clumsy. I am not good at math. I am not intelligent. I am not attractive. Things never work out for me. I am just not good with money or any other harmful program, and you will be limited.  A person can replace all of those thoughts with something positive. It takes a little persistence in action and positive thinking.

A Willingness to Change

Our programming in our lives is what it is. The natural choice is to see an area of lack and to have a desire to change. Then you will be looking for the faulty programming stopping your progress and replacing it with new programs that are more beneficial to producing the results you are seeking.  A willingness to try something new and realize your programming can be changed to bring a different result will succeed.  What if everything you ever wanted is right there for you on the other end of better programming? Of course, you have to be willing to change your situation. Look honestly at your thoughts when you think of a job, which is your programming. If you like what you hear, reinforce it. If you don’t, then seek to replace it.

The thoughts we accept will lead to the emotions we experience,  the words we speak about that situation, and our actions. Of course, the steps will lead to results. If you think you are unattractive and overweight, you will subconsciously do things living up to that programming.  The encouraging part is it is all up to you what kind of programming you accept in your life.

 

“Successful weight loss takes programming, not willpower.” Phil McGraw

“In philosophy, they talk a lot about humans being actual organic machines, and the idea of free will is something that we’ve made up. We don’t have free will. We’re acting according to our programming as organic mechanisms.”– Joel Kinnaman

“The secret of living a life of excellence is merely a matter of thinking thoughts of excellence. It’s a matter of programming our minds with the kind of information that will set us free.” –Charles R. Swindoll

 

 

21

Emotional

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How does an event or situation make you feel?

Research indicates when people are feeling physical pain, general malaise, and chronic weariness, the cause can be linked to unexpressed emotion.  As a society, and primarily as men, we don’t learn how to adequately express our feelings or even notice the message they are trying to send us.

Uncomfortable or painful experiences are often pushed to the back burner of our minds because it is more comfortable at the moment to ignore rather than deal with the feelings they cause.  Unfortunately, these feelings still exist in our lives, even if we ignore them.  Learning to process our emotions healthily will increase our physical health and well-being, spiritually and mentally.  A person can express themselves by learning how to use appropriate words and actions in reaction to their emotions.

Noticing Your Feelings

It is essential to take a moment and see the emotions you are feeling. Just because you are feeling a certain way doesn’t mean you have to act on it. It means that you need to start noticing these emotions are there. This recognition is the first step in not being overwhelmed.  We have become so adept in our society at glossing over things with distraction (gaming, computers, media entertainment) That rarely is there a moment of silence to recognize what your emotions are telling you. Take that moment and notice how you feel. Learn to express them appropriately through words and actions.

Reflecting on Emotions

Ask some simple questions.  From where is this feeling coming? Why am I feeling it now? What is this emotion trying to tell me?  Seeking honest answers will give you a clue about any underlying emotional issues hiding in the background. The more you understand your feelings, the better you can deal with life. Instinctually we don’t want to show the world that something is bothering us or we are affected by things. Inside we view it as a weakness, but the real gap comes from not understanding the message of our emotions.

Strength in Acceptance

Many situations in life do not occur from a conscious choice.  If you are dealing with death, loss of job, accident, illness, aging, or betrayal, these are complicated situations that lead us to fight back in unhealthy ways. Denial, escaping into fantasy, substance abuse, manic activity, or overstimulation can be standard ways to deal with the flood of emotions hitting you.  Until you accept a circumstance as accurate, it is impossible to deal with it in an emotionally healthy way. Taking something doesn’t mean you give up. It only means that you understand where you are and why. This action will give you power over your emotions and how to deal with them.

Using Your Power

Becoming emotionally and intellectually self-aware will allow you to create insights into situations that will make the decision-making process easier to process. This infrastructure will work in all aspects of your life because you are working from a platform of honesty.  Our feelings are there to help guide us, and when they get attention, you are proactive. You are starting to write your own story.

Here are some emotions and what they might be trying to tell you.

Bitterness- Showing you where you need to heal, where you’re still holding judgments on others, and, most importantly, yourself.

Resentment- Letting you know you live in the past and not allow the present to be as it is.

Discomfort- There is an opportunity for change right now. Pay attention to what is happening and try to do something different than you typically do.

Anger- Warning sign, which displays your passions lie. It will also show up when boundaries are crossed or when you see things in your world that you feel need to change — anger is an excellent guide to your inner workings but a poor creator of your behavior.

Disappointment- It can be hard to deal with situations that don’t work out. It shows you are above apathy and still care about people and things.  Disappointments in our past not dealt with and accepted will lead to apathy and lack of expectation.

Guilt- If you are still living in the shadow of other people’s expectations of you.  Mistakes happen, things get broken, other people are not always going to like what you do. That is their emotional baggage, not yours.  Accept responsibility for your actions, put them behind you, and move forward.

Shame- It happens when we internalize the expectations of others on how we should be or live or who we have been or have lived in the past. Time to reconnect with yourself and understand who you are and what makes you happy.

Anxiety- This is a feeling that stems from fear — usually fear of the past or fear of the future.  You need to come into the present moment and let the past be the past and the coming fall where it will.  Anxiety is a clear guidepost to get into the present moment. Identify the thought that is leading to a feeling of dread.

Sadness- There is a depth of feeling that brings on sadness. Sadness will display when we look at the world and care deeply about others their circumstances and situations.  Ask what is making you sad?

Whatever your emotions are today, seeking to understand how they affect you is a move toward empowerment.  No matter what you do, your feelings will exist and continue to touch you. Either you can allow them to control your life, or you can use them to determine what they are guiding you toward.

“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” -Daniel Goleman.

“75 percent of careers are derailed for reasons related to emotional competencies, including the inability to handle interpersonal problems, unsatisfactory team leadership during times of difficulty or conflict, or inability to adapt to change or elicit trust.”  -Center for Creative Leadership.

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion.” -Dale Carnegie.

“When our emotional health is in a bad state, so is our level of self-esteem. We have to slow down and deal with what is troubling us so that we can enjoy the simple joy of being happy and at peace with ourselves.” -Jess C. Scott. 

“The only way to change someone’s mind is to connect with them from the heart.” 
-Rasheed Ogunlaru

“No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”
 -Theodore Roosevelt

“Unleash in the right time and place before you explode at the wrong time and place.” -Oli Anderson.

 

21

F.E.A.R.

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Fear– an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

FearOne of the most challenging things that people face in life is fear. It is a formidable foe because it can rise in any area of your life at any moment.  Any experience in life can cause pain, and we are designed to avoid pain. So a traumatic experience at any age can cause fear to arise in your mind and affect your life. Fear can either be a motivator or a limiter to what you can and will accomplish in life.  Once you have been harmed, most people go to great lengths to avoid a repeat performance.  Raise your consciousness today, noticing the fear in your life. Look at where you are limited and the fear behind it in your thoughts, words, and actions.  By recognizing the fear and understanding its cause, the fear can be overcome and even eliminated. Try to be fearless. (See Video here)

Eliminate Fear

People often believe that the opposite of love is hate, but that isn’t true. Love’s opposite is fear.  All things seem to come down to a choice between love and concern.  To eliminate fear will, therefore, allow you to experience more love in your life.  Love should be your goal in all things. Not just the fearidealized version of attachment but the caring for others in the world, making your experience more positive.

The thoughts of fear are always in contrast to the ideas of love. Like two sides of the coin, they are there waiting for you to make a conscious choice of which one gets your attention.  There is a Cherokee parable about this battle in our hearts. Each of us has two wolves inside of us, fighting for control. One is love, and one is fear. Which one wins is the one you feed.

The thoughts of love are joy, peace, acceptance, hope, kindness, empathy, humility, and truth.

The thoughts of fear are anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, dishonesty, judgment, and ego.

Which one do you choose to feed? It is essential because overcoming fear will allow you to become a better human being. You are making your life and the lives of those around you a better experience only by consciously choosing the positive thoughts, words, and actions of love over those of fear. Be fearless.

Action Kills Fear

If you asked most people what they would like to do, they would tell you, but then follow it up with a list of reasons they can’t possibly do that right now. Lack of funds, time, freedom, acceptance, fearunderstanding are all reasons to keep dreams at a distance. These are all words of fear of talking.  The truth is behind the excuses is a fear of failure. A doubt has arisen in all of us since the beginning of our lives. But one that cane destroyed as quickly as all others.

The remedy to fear is action. Fear will kill your dreams, and work will open the doorway to achievement. Taking a vision from thought to action is scary because of all the things that can go wrong.  It is courage that allows you to move forward, take action, and see what happens.  No matter what happens, there are answers on the other side of action. Those answers will make your goals and dreams a reality or provide you with a roadmap of getting where you want to go.  Be brave and take action toward whatever it is you want to achieve. Be undaunted by potential failure. To do anything else is to cower in the darkness, hoping someone will stumble across your greatness.  Develop your excellence through action and defeat your fears.

Fear the Constant Companion

Fear is a constant companion in life. It is the brain trying to keep you safe.  But it is just a thought, and you have to decide what kind of life you will live. Life comes with no guarantees, and there are going to be situations that hurt you. That is life.  Learning to muster the courage to keep living fearfully, even though pain may happen, is how great experiences are created.  The only person who can be brave for you is you, so developing this talent will allow you to have the potential to accomplish anything.

So be conscious today and every day about the fears that are controlling your life. Where do they come from? What action will overcome it?  Become aware of your thoughts, words, and works around fear, and strive continuously to overcome it.  This conflict between your mind and your concern is the most significant battle we all face in life. Everything you dream about is on the other side of your victory over fear.

Questions about fear

What fears cause anxiety to you?

How do you deal with the emotion of fear?

What fears are most challenging for you to face?

How does fear help you in life?  How does it limit you?

Quotes About Fear

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.~Eleanor Roosevelt

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. ~Marcus Aurelius

Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.~Japanese Proverb

Be Fearless

 

 

21

Belief

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Belief- an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists.

It is essential to understand what a belief is and how it affects your life.  A belief is just a thought that we supply attachment to and accept as true and accurate in and to our lives. What you choose to believe is going to determine the foundation of your life. It is, of course, going to drive the story of your adventure.

If you have built an attachment to a belief limiting your potential, you may never be able to create all you are capable of building. Or, at the very least, it will provide a vast edifice needing to be conquered.   Take some time and develop an awareness of all of the beliefs you have chosen to accept as our reality. And how our lives are driven positively or negatively because of it.  Analyze where they come from and what evidence is there to back them up. Usually, there is not much fact, and we are running our lives based on another rumor. Seeing the origin of your beliefs begins with a focus on your thoughts, words, and actions around your ideas. And how they influence your behavior and accomplishments.

Don’t Let Opinions Limit You.

All people should value themselves and the gifts they bring to the world. Too often, we allow the opinions and thoughts of others to become a part of our belief systems. Even though they are untrue, make you weaker, ruin your self-esteem, and take away your power. It is always up to you which ideas you actively accept and let slide beliefpast your consciousness.  How we feel about our values and abilities is probably the most vital factor in developing and using the skills we have born in us. Too often, our lights are turned off before we even get a chance to take them for a test drive and see just what we are capable of doing.

It seems like people have chosen not to pursue their skills, and of course, are not fulfilled.  Misery loves company, and they consciously or subconsciously deter all others from pursuing theirs. But more importantly, I think, if someone else succeeds around them, develops their talents, and finds success, it makes the folly of their limiting belief apparent. That is a scary thing.  YOU build your self-worth based on how you feel about your abilities, skills, and choices in life. Choose to look at yourself in the most favorable light you can find. It is not arrogant to love yourself. It is common sense. You are the most critical person in your life!  Don’t waste your opportunity settling for the limiting beliefs of others. Change them and see how great a person you can become.

You Can Do It

Henry Ford gets credit for this quote, but I think anyone who has ever endeavored to achieve anything could say it as well. “If you believe you can, your right. If you believe you can’t, you are also right.”  No more accurate evaluation of our beliefs beliefhas ever been stated and provided a more significant explanation for what we do or do not achieve. It doesn’t mean that you will never fail; it means that the “failure” is merely a lesson or a necessary step along the path to ultimate success and fulfillment.  If you let a setback destroy your belief in yourself, then you will indeed be limited. You can choose this path or keep on going and see what happens next.

Make a goal, create a dream, and keep on taking nonstop action toward it. Action is the path to success in all areas throughout history.  Very few things will come “easy,” they take effort and action. That is what gives them value.  But isn’t that a pretty simple formula?  Cut out the harmful noise of others and keep to your task. If you know that you can become whatever you want, why do we let our beliefs stop us? Take affirmative action and create positive expectations.

Create Positive Beliefs

You only have a relatively short amount of time in this life. You can choose to spend it being small because someone else thinks you are unrealistic or incapable.  Or you can make an effort and take your chances and find your measure against the world. People are afraid of achieving their goals because they see they could have achieved just as much if they believed in their abilities and talents just a little more.  Be true to yourself and recognize the beliefs you have, limiting you and causing you to be limited in your pursuits of fame, money, charity, kindness, or whatever you are looking for in life. Recognizing a limiting belief is the first step to changing it and replacing it with one that serves you and your life.

How to do this is a matter of trial and error for each individual. Variables include your history, the creation of the belief. How much of a part of your identity are the belief and all the other things that make us human?  But with a plan of action, and a willingness to change the way you look at things, the changes will happen.  There are many methods to try, but I suggest making personal affirmations that fall within your belief system but push your thoughts in the most positive direction of achievement.  Begin with an active conscious awareness of what you believe and why.

It is a scary proposition to be responsible for your life, but you are, and if you are not where you wish to be, then take steps to start moving in that direction. It is totally up to you.  Create awareness around your thoughts, words, and actions today and see what beliefs dictate your reality and if you are limiting others with your own limiting beliefs. The future is as full of possibility as you believe it is.

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.”   ― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan.

“Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.” ― George Carlin.

 

 

 

21

Manipulate

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Messages come to you all the time, from the world.  Most of them reach us through the media, and most of these messages are manipulations that disguise themselves as news.  Do negative things happen? Of course, they do. Tragedies occur every day, and that is a terrible thing.  One message we never seem to get is………..this is a beautiful world, forget what the world has told you, there are many incredible things out there, great and small that exist in the world.  They defy the reality that conditioned what we see and believe.  The only way to find them is to start looking for them, and it won’t take a journey to a distant place to start seeing them. It takes a day of conscious awareness in your own life.

See the Good Things

Start your day by looking for and noticing all of the good things that exist in your life.  Too many people spend all of their time focusing on what they don’t have that they have no appreciation for the things they do have.  Start with the physical stuff. Can you hear beautiful music, taste delicious food, see all of the colors on display every day, touch something smooth or rough or go for a walk because you can?  If you can do all of these things, be grateful.

Then move on to the people in your life. If they care about you, then that is an incredible thing.  All of the people that contribute to your life in all ways are making your reality a better place. Even those who are not so great provide examples of how not to act in life. Be grateful for the lessons they offer you.  Do you have transportation, a job, a purpose in life?  If you have all of these things, then give thanks.

How you Treat Others

How we choose to treat others is an opportunity to make the world a better place and a better experience.  Nobody can dictate how you decide to speak to another or the actions you take toward another person.  Prejudice and judgment are endless thought choices we can follow.  Look at all situations and realize that even the worst criminal is a person underneath.  That doesn’t mean we ignore the negative people do. All people are responsible for their actions. Period.

But that doesn’t mean you hate them. Hate what someone did, but understand that we are pretty much the same with different programming from our experiences underneath it all.  I heard it stated all other people in the world are just another version of you, under different circumstances. It is difficult to condemn yourself. Your thoughts and actions decide what type of world you live in today.  And it can be positive or negative as you want to make it.  Some may treat you poorly, but that is their karma. How you react to it is your karma. Be a powerful positive force in the world.

Don’t Let Good Things Slip.

Look back at the past year. What decisions have you made that were, at least for now, okay? How about the ones you wish you didn’t make? There are probably some of both. Each situation that happens to you can be favorable. How? Because you don’t know where one action will take you in a day, a month, a year, or ten years. Something like losing a job is viewed as a negative. But what if it puts you on a path to find your true calling that never would have happened if you stayed where you were? At the moment it is happening, it is negative, later a blessing. Look at things as a blessing as they are happening.

This mindset can be tough to practice, and I have struggled mightily with it.  An unavoidable accident totals your car, and you have to go through the stress of figuring out what to do next. One thing leads to another, and eventually, the problem resolves if you accept where you are and take responsibility for it. The right actions present themselves. Count the good things. If you are not hurt, you have a chance to move forward with life. There is an opportunity to pursue your dreams. Where you are now is not where you will be in a year, five years, ten years, all things will change. Don’t let the good things slip by because of fear of the negative. Life is a constant balance between positive and negative.

The world provides an incredible experience for all of us to potentially enjoy. The frame of mind with which we face all the good and the bad things we face daily.  We have the opportunity to create the energy the world gets from us.  Positive or negative, it will come from our thoughts about our human experience.

“Positive energy knows no boundaries. If everyone were to spread positive energy on the Internet, the world would be a much better place.”- Lu Wei.

“Instead of hating, I have chosen to forgive and spend all of my positive energy on changing the world.”-Camryn Manheim.

“Virtually nothing is impossible in this world if you just put your mind to it and maintain a positive attitude.”- Lou Holtz.