All posts by Jonathan Hilton

21

How You Look At It

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Interesting Point of View
Interesting Point of View

What are you sure of in life? What philosophy can you stand behind and not shy away from because you know its validity? We all have some non-negotiable items in this cache. The sun will rise; the sun will set. Life is fleeting. It would help if you worked hard to be successful. The government is looking out for your best interest. If it isn’t one thing, it’s another. Many points of view are considered by people constant, unshakable, and permanent fixtures in life and creators of our reality. Yet, they are only new points of view that you can choose to believe or discard as you see fit.

Our thoughts on things have power. How we perceive is essential to the reality that we experience every day.  But let’s look at the interesting points of view, which are not factual in any way but held onto by people just as if they are.  You probably have a few. There are two main areas we all stay strong emotional points of view, love and money. The majority of our time is spent dealing with these two issues. Getting enough money to experience the life we want and finding someone to love us for it.

Money Matters

When it comes to money, we are all carrying points of view developed when we are young. Our

How you look at things determines their reality
How you look at things determines their reality

parent’s attitude toward money will go a long way in establishing our personal beliefs about money. Some believe it is hard to get; some believe it makes you greedy to have a lot. Some think that money is going to solve all their problems. It doesn’t matter what you think about it; all of these things are simply thoughts in your head and not reality. It is just as easy to believe that money is an energy that can be attracted to me quickly. Or Money comes easily, and I always have more than enough.  What you choose to believe is going to determine the reality of your financial situation.  Any point of view can be changed, at any time, instantly.

I Love You

Love is a topic that takes up a lot of time in life. We have even more points of view when it comes to experiences love in life. I think that it is because we all have experiences in this area, and the collective pain and pleasure of those experiences have combined to contribute to our feelings of love. Yet, it seems pov-different-exercisethat most of us have thought wrong about what love is. We are looking for someone who fits our point of view of love.   I don’t deserve love. Love is difficult to find. Love never lasts. Nobody could love me. On and on we go and put our points of view about love out there.  A point of view is just a thought, and thoughts can be changed instantly, today, right now.

The actual definition of what it means to love will be different for everyone based on their experiences. When I say I love you, what does that mean? Does it mean a commitment for a lifetime or a week? It depends on the person. This understanding implies that clear explanations of your perspective about that emotion will lead to many fewer problems.

Since Point of View is a Choice, Choose a Good One

There are many different philosophies on beliefs and how to change them. Still, the bottom line is that if you are carrying a negative, limiting knowledge about anything, it affects your life.  The first step is to recognize the shortcoming, and the second is to change that belief into an interesting point of view that will be more beneficial to your life and happiness.

Change is constant and continuous in life; we are all changing physically and mentally every day. You can move these changes in any direction that you choose. It all depends on which interesting points of view you decide to entertain. Since it is all a choice, decide to hold onto points of view that will make you happy and pursue those.

21

Change is Happening

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Here Comes the Change

Accepting changeThere are many ways change occurs in our lives. Sometimes it is quick and jarring, leaving trauma and drama in its wake. These are the changes that make you consider living a different way. Nothing will ever be the same. But more often, change is like a dripping faucet. As each drop slowly accumulates, you never notice until the thing that once was one way is now totally another.  Change is happening to us all day, and Heraclitus was right; it is one of the constants we can always rely on. All we can do is work on our ability to accept change and make choices to roll with it. 

Getting Better or Getting Worse

Each of us is changing every day, and it is important to take stock of ourselves and where we are in life. Each day we are either getting better, or we are getting worse.  Nobody is staying the same. It is impossible. The movement may be minuscule and hard to see, but you move in one direction or the accepting changeother each day.  That makes it important to know exactly where you are in all areas of your life, physically, spiritually, mentally, or financially so that you can understand your progress.

Each of us makes decisions both large and small, which will dictate your direction. Do I go to the gym or skip today? Do I spend money on that new pair of shoes or not? Do I practice kindness or not? Do I participate in gossip or not? All of these and many more choices are made by you each day, and the only person responsible for them is you. You are in control of your destiny and determine if you are getting better or getting worse.

Accepting Change

Change is so difficult for most of us because we are so attached to our current lives. Even if things are not perfect and things are changing for the better, it is our instinct to resist because deep down, we are afraid that a change may make things worse.  It may not be perfect now, and I may not enjoy my accepting changecircumstances, but at least I can handle them.  Don’t fear the changes that are happening in your life. Let life flow, and it will most often take you to a better place.

If you have a goal and it doesn’t involve your current job, relationship, or the area you live in. You can’t be afraid when life starts moving you in a new direction. All of your dreams and goals will be found by trying something new and accepting the changes that come into your life.  Each new change will teach you a skill and help you become a better, more well-rounded person. Accepting change will allow us to grow. 

Life is full of ups and downs; things will never stay the same, and change is happening every day. Your choices can help dictate the direction of the change that you experience. When the big ones come, a death, the loss of a job, or the ending of a relationship, understand that pain is a part of the process of letting go. It will never be easy because we have attachments to people and situations. Circumstances will come, and they will go, love people as best you can, enjoy each second of all situations because one way or another, it may all be over at any time. 

“The only thing that is constant is change.” ~Heraclitus

 

21

Gratitude

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gratitude 1I have often considered that truly practicing gratitude is an important step into bringing more of what you want in your life into your life.  Every day, I am more and more convinced this is true.  I had often talked a good game about being grateful, really taking a moment, and appreciating the things in my life, but my process was off. The past year has taught me many valuable lessons. One of the biggest is to be grateful for every day you have to live and every person who brings something positive into your life. You never know when people you count on will be gone, or the positives will be harder to find.  List, think about and feel positive about the good things you have. They are always there; it is sometimes hard to notice them because our focus strays so far toward what we don’t have. Be grateful, enjoy those moments, accept your positive things.

What I used to do for Gratitude

I would take a moment and be thankful for things in my life, people I came across, and things that happened to me. I think this might be OK for others, but my problem was that it was inconsistent, and I might not recall something I had real gratitude for.  I also spent inconsistent amounts of time thinking of the blessings in my life.  I would try thinking of them on the way to work, but I am easily distracted, and one thing would drive out another. I was inconsistent and sloppy with my gratitude, and I met a lot of blocks in my life. Things that stopped me from achieving success or getting things I really wanted in my life.

It is difficult sometimes to maintain your gratitude when you have gone through a big shakeup in your life. Losing someone that matters to you, or having a job change, or just being put out of your “normal” routine, whatever that is.  When the negative entered my life, I had little focus for what I was glad to have and a lot of anger about what I did not.  That is a path to more frustration in life.

My New Process of Gratitude

gratitude It does not take a brain surgeon to figure out what to do differently. I was inconsistent, so I needed to add a complete gratitude practice in my life.  To build that consistency and to make the topics of my gratitude consistent.  I had to take a moment each day to write it down. I didn’t try to write down a million things, just three to focus on and get my energy of being grateful to flow through me.

I always try to have my gratitude notebook with me, so when I have a moment each morning, I jot down my list of things I am grateful for. I would suggest this for everyone for this reason. Even though it seems a simple thing, there is a contemplation moment that happens when you actually write down your gratitude.  The thought has to travel from your mind through your arm to your hand and onto the paper.  My lists are not all that elaborate because I am pretty grateful for the little things in life.

I am grateful for good cups of coffee, good conversation, something interesting I read on a blog, a book I read, having money in the bank, a text from a friend who made my day, or a long, verbose Facebook message was awesome to read. The list gets a bit long, but I have tried to keep it to what comes to mind.  I can always look back to see what I wrote before.

The Blocks are Disappearing

It may just be a coincidence, and those who are negative will say that is all it is, yet I don’t believe that. After a short time, I mean a matter of days,  blocks I was having in life was melting away.  I could give specific examples, but they will only mean something to me.  Making a gratitude list for me has become something real and powerful.  I know how it sounds, but I can feel the difference.

Being grateful is the key to accepting more things into your life. Whatever it is.  If you are lonely, look for when you don’t feel too lonely during the day and be thankful for those.  If you are poor, be grateful for the things you do have. If you are not feeling well, find the moments you don’t feel as bad and be grateful for them.  If you are particularly down, find the little things around you all the time, the weather, a smile from a stranger, flowers, and unexpected fortunate turning. Whatever you come in contact with, be grateful for it.  A momentary contemplation of thanks is all it takes.

The worst thing that will happen is you will feel better about life. The best thing that will happen is that you will open yourself up to more of the same experiences.  It doesn’t really matter if you believe what I am telling you or not.  Just contemplate what will happen if you do nothing different? Nothing different will happen. If you are lonely, sick, poor, or just generally unhappy, what the heck do you have to lose? Give it an honest attempt and see what an increased awareness of gratitude does in your life.

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” —Gilbert K. Chesterton

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.” —Zig Ziglar

“Learn to be thankful for what you already have, while you pursue all that you want.” —Jim Rohn

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” —Oprah Winfrey

21

Think

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We think all the time! From the moment you wake up to the second your slip back into sleep at night, our minds are a thought creation machine. Smarter people than me estimate we are producing somewhere around 70,000 thoughts per day. The other shoe that must drop on this amazing statistic is that 95% of those thoughts are repeats and totally unoriginal footprints left from days before.  That leaves about 5% of original powerful thoughts to create in your day.  And there is more.  The tenor of your predominant thought patterns, either positive or negative, will determine how things are playing out in your life for you.  It is not what happens to you that matters but how you choose to think about them.  Remember this as we delve into the ideas I am thinking about today.   Think about it.

Thoughts  Lead to Happiness or Not

We think so much that you would be more aware of the thoughts we create and how they affect our lives, but we don’t, and those thoughts control the enjoyment and even success in life we experience. Thoughts that are positive in nature lead to how much you choose to enjoy life.  Those who are of a negative nature lead to the opposite of enjoyment. If you let your thoughts move unchecked through your existence, then your mood will change at the whim of random thoughts, which can easily be manipulated by someone else.

We live in a society that constantly bombards you with negative messages, so it is no wonder that the mind will produce a virtually nonstop stream of negativity left to its default state.  About other people, situations, and of course yourself and how you don’t measure up.  The greatest hope is that in all of our thoughts, we have a choice if we allow them to hook into our consciousness or not.  We can even create our own positive thoughts to buy into if we choose to.  Conscious creation of positive thoughts is the difference between the happy and the sad, and even the successful and unsuccessful in life.

All Things are Twice Created

Everything ever in existence was created twice. The first creation is in one’s mind as a thought.  The second is when forces combine to make that imagined thing a reality. It is true for every building, car, road, or stick of furniture around you.  All of them were once just a thought in the mind of someone, and only through action and pursuit of that dream were created in reality before you.  Can it be that much of a stretch to think the same is true about your health? Your financial well being? Or any other aspect of your existence.

Look at your reality today, and then follow your thoughts about that area of your life.  If you are not happy with your current financial situation or relationship situation, then it is time to examine and consider changing the way you think.  Choosing the thoughts about the way you want things to be like is the first creation. The second will come as you pursue those things in your life.  Of course, you have the choice to stay with the thoughts you have carried your whole life, but you can’t be surprised when those thoughts deposit you right back where you are now, in the same situations not making you happy. Choose to create the things that will make you happy with your thoughts.

It Can Change in an Instant

The great thing about refocusing your thoughts is it doesn’t require a long, drawn-out process to accomplish. You have to start to create a focus around the things you are thinking.  What are the negative thoughts you believe about yourself? Money? Success? Love? Whatever?  We predominantly think the thoughts are based on the programming we received when we were very young children, trying to figure out how to survive and thrive in this world.  The things which were true for us then clearly, at the very least, are no longer applicable today. At the most, they are inaccurate and faulty programming we accept as true without question.

Look at the thoughts you believe in and challenge them.  The worst thing that will happen is you will know some beliefs you want to hang on to. But the best thing will be that you will edit or remove faulty thinking from your reality.  Success, money, love, or anything else are available for everyone, and our thoughts are the place we need to start to take control of our own reality.  The alternative is to believe you are operating at the will of every other force in the world. You are not. Each of us has the ability to be a unique and powerful creator in this world.

 “If you realized just how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” Anonymous

 “Change your thoughts, and you change your world.” Norman Vincent Peale

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” Willie Nelson

 “Every thought we think is creating our future.” Louise Hay

“Begin to believe in the power of your thoughts.” Anonymous

“Thoughts have energy. Make sure your thoughts are positive and powerful.” Anonymous

 

21

Life Learning

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Make The Most of Your Failure

Learn from failure try again
Samuel Beckett

Sometimes it feels like we can never do anything right, that everything we do is inherently wrong, and we have no clue what we are doing.  Most thinking people will feel this way at some point in their lives. It is just human nature.  Often as we try out new thoughts to see which ones are “keepers” and which ones need to be thrown back, we will experience failure characterized as a mistake.   However, it is important to understand that mistakes in life are not only inevitable. They are vital to our growth as people and professionals.  You will never experience genius in any field without first experiencing a few missteps along the way.

Learning from the cruel hand of experience has been occurring throughout history. It would help if you didn’t allow your mistakes to define you because you have been presented with a powerful growth opportunity when you approach it from the right frame of mind.  If you analyze the failure, why did this happen?  Why didn’t it work out?  What can I do better?  How can I fix it?  You will start to build on the misfortune, using the knowledge you were able to compile by failing to move you toward a solid construction of a success.

 

Learning More From Failure

Make the most of your mistakes
New shirt!

It is often difficult to learn from success because if you feel everything went right, you are not going to be looking as hard for the weaknesses.  When you experience failure, it is not desirable, so you are motivated to find out what is wrong or what you can do better and fix it.  This was the case for me as a coach.  When we won, it was easy to pat yourself on the back and feel good about yourself.  You won, how bad could you be?  But when you lose, you know that changes have to be made, both mentally and physically, to experience success the next time.  The weaknesses jump out at you, and you always feel like you should have seen it coming.  Or even if you were able to recognize the problem, it is difficult to motivate change in people experiencing success.  Only after the group touches the cold hand of failure will they be willing to accept change.  We are like this as individuals, and if we are experiencing nothing but perceived success, there is no motivation for change.   That is why we all learn more from failure than we can learn from success.

Our Society Fears Failure

success-and-failure-sign
One can lead to the other.

Today, failure is looked at as something to be avoided today, even more so than in the past.   Parents look at their kids today and want to control every aspect of their lives so that they can protect them from failure.  In doing this, they rob their kids of one of the most powerful learning experiences they can have.  Why are we afraid to let kids make mistakes?  I think it is for several reasons. First of all, mistakes can be painful. In many ways, some poor decisions can affect someone for their entire life, or in some cases, end a life.  This is tragic but doesn’t change the fact that an individual needs the freedom to make mistakes to reach the potential that they have inside.  Lessons learned in this manner are lifelong and provide a solid base for development.  You can’t make mistakes for your kids, and you can only guide them, love them, pick them up when they fall, and urge them to keep moving forward, trying again.

When you look at your life from an outside perspective and analyze events you would characterize as mistakes, honestly, make a list of the positives that have come from it.  You will be surprised at how your perspective will change.  We all want to avoid mistakes, and the wisdom of time allows us to do this more often.  You cannot live your life in fear of a mistake, or you are not living your life at all.

Learning from Failure Quotes:

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
– Albert Einstein –

 

Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.
– Og Mandino –
Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.
– Abraham Lincoln –
The person interested in success has to learn to view failure as a healthy, inevitable part of the process of getting to the top.
– Dr. Joyce Brothers –
The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.
– Elbert Hubbard –
If you’re not failing now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative
– Woody Allen –
Good people are good because they’ve come to wisdom through failure.
– William Saroyan –
To succeed, you must fail so that you know what not to do the next time.
– Anthony D’Angelo –
Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.
– Al Bernstein –
Victory is sweetest when you’ve known defeat.
– Malcolm Forbes –
You learn as much from those who have failed as from those who have succeeded.
– Michael Johnson –
From success to failure is one step; from failure to success is a long road.
– Yiddish Proverb –
Success does not consist in never making blunders but in never making the same one a second time.
– Josh Billings –
Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it’s a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.
– Al Franken –
Instruction does not prevent wasted time or mistakes, and mistakes themselves are often the best teachers of all.
– James Anthony Froude –
Our life business is not to succeed but to continue to fail in good spirits.
– Robert Louis Stevenson –
The things that hurt us teach us.
– Author Unknown –
Being defeated is often only a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
– Marilyn Vos Savant –
My great concern is not whether you have failed but whether you are content with your failure.
– Abraham Lincoln
You’re on the road to success when you realize that failure is only a detour.
– Author is unknown –
Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker.
– Zig Ziglar –
It’s how you deal with failure that determines how you achieve success.
– David Feherty –

 

21

Look Up

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This is a phone. It used to be in your home and if you weren't there, nobody could get in touch with you. Scary to most people today.
This is a phone. It used to be in your home, and if you weren’t there, nobody could get in touch with you. Scary to most people today.

Few things are more invasive in all of our lives today than the electronic tethers and ties that are continually connecting us to the world. Are we really in need of connection?

Notice all the time that you are spending checking social media, keeping your phone handy, just in case………….someone calls, texts, or sends you a social media message on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.  It seems to me that this type of focus is not doing anyone any good. The world’s electronic tentacles attach strongly and make us dependent on a small world contained within our phones. There is a giant world in front of you that might be missed if you are focused only on the action in the palm of your hand.

I am old enough to remember what life was like before we had this technology.  Your phone was at home, and when you left, people didn’t have to talk with you until you got to work or wherever you were going.  You could play a round of golf or go for a walk without any way to communicate with the outside world. We all survived just fine, and so did the world.   Now, if you can’t answer a text message fast enough, people feel slighted and upset with you. There is a viral video about breaking the electronic.

How often do we see this happening? People are way more worried about who they are not with than who they are with.
How often do we see this happening? People are way more worried about who they are not with than who they are with.

connection and the opportunities for real socialization that we are all missing because of our inability to stop staring at our phone and start looking to interact with other people. (see video here) I have personally made it my mission to be more aware of what is going on in my reality and my experiences.  I have even enforced this rule on people I have conversations with.  Nobody can check a text or send a message through the conversation, and answering your phone is definitely not tolerated.  I do this by simply pointing out that I value the conversation and the experience of talking more than a text message from someone else.

What is going to happen if the message isn’t returned instantly? Most times, the answer is absolutely nothing, and the conversations I have had have become more interesting and in the moment.  By doing this, I have been able to know people better and stay in the moment of the conversation. There is no need to multitask and not give each person in your life your attention when you have the opportunity to do so. Try focusing on what is real in your life, the people who you are spending time with rather than worrying about what is happening somewhere else, with someone else, and life will be more enjoyable.

I do this by simply pointing out that I value the conversation and the experience of talking more than a text message from someone else. What is going to happen if the message isn’t returned instantly? Most times, the answer is absolutely nothing, and the conversations I have had have become more interesting and in the moment.  By doing this, I have been able to know people better and stay in the moment of the conversation. There is no need to multitask and not give each person in your life your attention when you have the opportunity to do so. Try focusing on what is real in your life, the people who you are spending time with rather than worrying about what is happening somewhere else, with someone else, and life will be more enjoyable.

There is no need to multitask and not give each person in your life your attention when you have the opportunity to do so. Try focusing on what is real in your life, the people who you are spending time with rather than worrying about what is happening somewhere else, with someone else, and life will be more enjoyable.

It is easy to remember to treat the people that you are speaking to with simple respect. Listen, respond and socialize.
It is easy to remember to treat the people that you are speaking to with simple respect. Listen, respond and socialize.

Many people today have a hard time relating to people directly that they stand or sit in a group together and text to other people or, worse yet, to each other.  Putting the phones down, getting your head out of the electronic world, and looking into other people’s reality might be the best thing that you can do to improve your experience of life. Give yourself a chance actually to have a conversation with your friend. Listen, respond, and react to real.

Give yourself a chance actually to have a conversation with your friend. Listen, respond, and react to real-life social cues that are right in front of you. Please leave your phone in your pocket and interact with life and the situations that it presents. You might find something that has been missing, and you will most likely find enjoyment in life that you have never known.

I know that in my case, I have definitely benefited from breaking the electronic tether as often as possible.  Give it a shot and see what type of communication comes into your life and how much more significant it is. This is an old school song about what it was like to call someone you wanted to talk to. It is an old experience but a good one.

21

Enemy

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know-your-enemy3Today I fought my greatest enemy.  They seemed to be following me throughout my day and gleefully took each opportunity to point out my apparent shortcomings. My enemy spoke against me of decisions made in the past. Then I was inundated with their worry about the future. It was a non-stop assault that had its desired effect on me, I felt let down, angry, upset, and wanted to fight back.  So I engaged my greatest enemy with the truth, which always seems to be the best weapon. My thoughts are the enemy. My mind continually provides negative ones if I let it.  But pushed in the right direction, a positive reward can be found. Here are some truths which build the positive.  Look at your life.

The Past Doesn’t Matter.

I calmly explained that the past is an illusion that we all choose to remember our way. All people tend to have selective and prejudice memories about the events of their lives. Sometimes making them leave the pastmore prominent and more terrifying than they were to justify our behavior today or use them as motivation. Sometimes we tend to wax nostalgic about the past and make people and moments more significant than they were. Our attachment is due to our emotional behavior at the time or a wish to experience it again today. Our memories are not entirely true. The past is a game of the mind, and you remember most of it exactly how you want to.

As I explained this to the enemy, there was a quick recap of the events he perceived as mistakes in my life. All brought one thought of truth.
“Accurate or not, there is no way a thing can be changed today.”  It is all history, and it is done and over. The best any of us can do with our past is to learn the lessons it teaches, then put it away and move forward with an optimistic outlook on the potential that each new day brings to us.

The Future is Never Known

Then almost immediately defeated in bringing up the futurepast, the enemy moved to worry about the future. Throwing all catastrophic scenarios that may occur if I didn’t start to take some specific action that the enemy condescendingly called “Common Sense.” Yet, I was able to fight this battle with thoughts about the future. Nothing has been written in stone. All things are continuously changing, and no matter how much detail you plan something with, the results may be different from what you ever expected. Worrying about the future is taking away the capability for happiness today. It robs you of the ability to enjoy the moment. My enemy revels in this type of victory, but today was not his day. I was resolute in my convictions. Plan for tomorrow as best you can, and let tomorrow take care of itself because, in the end, it always will.

The Victory is In Today

So as my enemy, frustrated and angry at not being able to raise my anger, I silently questioned himself. I started only nowto think about the only thing left, and that is this moment right now. Sitting here, typing this, right here and right now. Not even my greatest enemy can disturb the truth and wonder that this moment contains. As I breathe in and out and contemplate the moment, I realize that the enemy is gone.

You won the game for the day, but there will be more struggles in the future because the most significant enemy lives, smugly, arrogantly, and entirely within me.  Waiting to remind me to: Accept the past, don’t worry about the future, and live in the moment. To do anything else seems like a losing battle.

20

Not Holding On

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Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of?047882355_6_xlarge

I think that no matter how far along you have come in life, there are always some things that have stuck with you, and even though you think that you have let go of it, you really haven’t.

To be happy in life and to really enjoy the experiences that I am blessed with every day, there is a constant letting go of perceived slights, whether big or small, from others. Forgive the people, let the act go, and release the negative from your life.

Today I am thinking about the process of how I let things go and what experiences I have to let drift into the ether and cease to be a problem for me. It is easy to say but difficult to do when your emotions become involved, and your thoughts make you perceive someone’s actions as a personal slight.  Letting go and forgiving is hard. Be fearless in your forgiveness. It reflects well on you.  Other people’s poor behavior is their problem.

Forgiving and Letting Go

There is a freedom that comes from truly forgiving someone for hurting you. It doesn’t mean that you condone what they did, like it, or ever want to see it repeated. It simply means that you will no longer let whatever someone else did have any power over you. 

forgive It sounds trivial and overly simple, but it is just that.  Just because it is simple doesn’t mean it is easy.  I know that I let some of my own false crosses become a definition of who I was for a long time, yet I learned in the end that what has happened to you isn’t who you are. It is what happened to you. Who you are is shown by your reaction to the situation.

We are much like any tree in our existence,  a tree goes through all types of different weather, but after it all, the tree is still a tree.   It may have lost some branches and may have a few scars on its trunk, but it is still the same tree before, but with more experience. So you are the same person, just a wiser version.  Of course, most of us would like to do without someone deceiving us, lying to us, or just harming us in one way or another.

You are still the same as you.  Forgiveness and releasing was the process for me to stop blaming the storms of life and accept all responsibility for my own decisions. In the end, I am responsible for the choices I have made—nobody else. So I forgive them and thank them for the lesson.

So what Still Needs to Go?

You know if you still have something to forgive if when you think of a person or a situation, there is a burning feeling inside.  It almost feels like a searing sensation that is brought on simply by thought.  Sometimes you can not feel it but then when something comes to you as a surprise that the burn is still there.

 The Universe has a way of presenting you with things you need to work on without looking too hard.  Today I was on LinkedIn, and there was a suggested contact of someone I used to work with.  I quickly experienced this searing sensation but also realized that it was time to let that anger go.

poetry-picnic-wk-19-forgiveness It was inappropriate and almost shocked me that I still have this strong a reaction to someone who was a representation of a negative experience.   I knew it was really time to let it go.

 I took a moment and forgave the entire situation and then let it go. I am not sure I can help with it anymore.  It sounds easy, and it really is, but it is also hard to really do because we tend to cling to our bad situations. They make tremendous excuses for what ails us.

It is a feeling that is difficult to describe; if you truly forgive and no longer blame anyone else for situations and accept them as situations, then there is no longer anger, fear, hate, or frustration.  Those spaces can be filled with other things that are more positive love, acceptance, understanding, and kindness, to name a few.

Letting Go Of  One

This one I have to let go of. I once had a perfect friend I worked closely with for years, and our relationship did not end well.  He perceived things in me that I do not think were true. I feel I was mistreated by him, who was my most trusted and relied upon friend.

 This was a person whom I looked up to and really relied on.  In good times and bad, there was a friend I could count on.  Yet, the last conversation I had with him was devastating.  I was treated to a barrage of forgiveness-card3accusations and hostility.  I wouldn’t mind that so much, but our relationship was different, I thought.  I walked away from that conversation and have never been so hurt in my life.

To hurt me, I am sure, was the intent because he had perceived a hurt.  I was angry for a long time and have let go of this bit by bit over the years, but finally, I had to let it go once and for all.  I allowed a character flaw in another to control the way I feel. I released it. The harsh words, the confrontation, and the negative feelings are all gone and have no power in my life. I forgive him and send love and understanding to him.

I replace the negative with the love for my brother that I have always felt.  There were about a million times I wanted to talk to him and bury the hatchet, mend the fences, but some things are not meant to be, I guess.

In the end, my philosophy can be summed up pretty shortly, that life is a short ride, and to get the most out of life, you have to be able to process and move past the difficult parts to enjoy the rest of the ride and learn and experience what you have the good fortune to experience.  Love is hard to find in a soul that is worried about revenge and payback.

Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of?

Forgive and forget. It may not change the past, but it gives the future a chance.

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.

Forgiving someone is easy, but being able to trust them again is a totally different story.

Remember, when you forgive, you heal, and when you let go, you grow.

Do not let the shadows of your past darken the doorstep of your future. Forgive.

I’ve seen your face before, my friend, but I don’t know if you know who I am.

 

20

Escaping

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Many of us exist in prisons of our own making that stop us from expeiencing life fully
Many of us exist in prisons of our own making that stop us from experiencing life fully. Escape!

Escape-break free from confinement or control.

Are you living life in the way you really want? Do you say everything you would like to? Or do you hold back your real thoughts because of a fear what you really think will cause suffering for you? If you are not confident enough in your ideas to speak to them without fear, you are living in prison.  If you don’t do exactly what you want because you are afraid of what others will think, you are being confined. I believe that for much of my life, I have been in a detention cell of my own making, and it is time to organize a prison break. To escape the cage, we need to assess the limitations we are placing on ourselves honestly.  It begins by examining your thoughts, building your prison walls. The resulting emotions that punish or reward you. The words you speak to express and describe your situation And, of course, the actions you take to escape or remain in confinement.

The Choice of Fear

One of the greatest prisons I have experienced is the prison 2prison of fear. This is a large prison because it contains inmates from all over the world and of all social classes. Fear finds a way to grab hold of us wherever it can. There is no way to avoid it. There is something that we are afraid of and don’t want to experience. This fear can affect the behavior of everyone, and it positively has affected my life in negative ways. For many years I looked at many fears as common sense, but fear is the opposite choice of love. Without love, all of the positive things are removed from your experience.

It has become evident to me as I have grown older that each decision that I make is a constant choice between love (positive for us, growth, understanding, caring) or fear (worry, misunderstanding, judgment, or even hate).   Each thought that you entertain is going to lead you into a prison of expectation and attachment or toward a life of freedom and acceptance of yourself and your actions. That choice is up to you.

The prison of fear is like many others that we create ourselves in our existence. Self-made with no need for guards. Fear will keep you nestled snugly inside your cell at the appropriate time. Not realizing that you are being confined, and you will often feel like things are going just the way they should be. An excellent system for the warden! When you have the most in life, there is always the fear of losing it.

Your identity and accomplishments are exactly what society told you to aspire to.  There is no way that a person solidly bound to the ground can ever reach great heights. Fear will keep you from reaching, stretching, or looking for something new. The comfort zone is the home base of fear, and there is nothing new that will result from it. So either you will atrophy where you are, but more likely, you will shrink backward. Into your cell, comfortably watching mindless entertainment, and thinking very little. With little thought comes small growth, and without increase comes death.  I had met many people who had died long before their lives ended.  I am inspired not to be one of them. I look to escape that fate of fear and mediocrity.

Social Anxiety

There is an ailment that affects people called social anxiety. This is a prison that makes interacting social-anxietywith others a terrifying experience. I paid a visit to this prison, and it is an all-encompassing confinement experience.  To me, it was an unspoken fear about what other people might think about me. Thoughts are created in an active imagination to bind you where you are. In my case, I was surprised, in the end, to learn how little people thought of me at all.  This can keep you from

Hopefully one day we will all fly free.........
Hopefully, one day we will all fly free………

venturing out and experiencing all that life has to offer. New experiences that you might need to grow and become the best that you can be.

All of us have the danger of falling into a prison of our own making if we don’t continue to look for areas in which we need to grow.  Growth and new experiences always remind us about our ability to be free and to make choices that are ours alone and will lead to the path of our life.

The new meanings that we discover in relationships work or hobbies remind a person how good and joyous life can be if you embrace it.  Move out of your comfort zone just a little bit and see what treasures you will find. Plan your escape from whatever prison has you in its grips.  The key exists in your thoughts and mind.

Escape Today, Right Now

Looking at the limits I experience every day, it is evident most have been created by my number one enemy, my arch-villain. This person continually hurts and takes away my value,  myself.  I have chosen the limits in my life. The chains were created link by link in the thoughts I have in my mind.  Thoughts of fear, not being good enough, or loveable.  All of these were first created with good intentions of self-protection, but they grew little by little, each day. Almost imperceptibly, they succeeded, until walls were all around me.  Escape is difficult and treacherous. But flight is possible and necessary for growth and success in life.

I believe I can escape my confinements at this very moment, and that being the case, what can I do today that will lead me to growth outside of my comfort zone and the personal freedom that I am looking for?  It all starts with a close examination of my thoughts I am entertaining, the resulting emotions, the words I speak, and the actions I take today!  My escape begins within the walls of my mind.

“Escape loneliness whenever you can. Life is a game best played in pairs.”

“I feel like life is short, and it’s important to enjoy yourself and embrace whatever comes your way, whether it’s a challenging day or a great day, just welcome it with open arms. No matter who you are, you can’t escape challenges; they are part of life.”—- Miranda Kerr

“No one can live without relationship. You may withdraw into the mountains, become a monk, a sannyasi, wander off into the desert by yourself, but you are related. You cannot escape from that absolute fact. You cannot exist in isolation.” — Jiddu Krishnamurti

“No one can live without relationship. You may withdraw into the mountains, become a monk, a sannyasi, wander off into the desert by yourself, but you are related. You cannot escape from that absolute fact. You cannot exist in isolation.”– Jiddu Krishnamurti

“Anyone who looks or listens will experience the full measure of their truths–the sun’s faith in the sanctity of cycles, the rabbit’s dedication to the purity of the present moment, and the bird’s reminder that every soul is as free as it believes itself to be. I filled my mind with their wisdoms and carried the inspiration with me–down the pathway, past the guards, through the gates, and into my prison cell…”  – Rara

 

 

20

Change in World

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What I would change about the World

If there were one thing that I could change about the World, it would be to

you're not good enough
Messages people receive every day

remove the thought, “I’m not good enough,” from the thought process of everyone in the World.

This single thought has managed to cause more damage than any other in the history of humanity, and if people are honest, every person has entertained this thought at one time or another.

The fact of the matter is that if we could remove this thought, people would experience higher self-esteem and be free to be the best person that they can be without feeling wrong about things like your body style, wealth, or social standing.

This is particularly true with our young people who have to deal with a hyper-critical world that broadcasts images of perfection that nobody could ever possibly live up to.

 Build a Positive Body Image

You
You are what you want to be!

Body image is a huge factor that people face throughout their lives.  Instead of focusing on the content of the character of the individuals our society is producing, our media is constantly bombarding our young people with images that tell them what they should consider beautiful.

The problem is that the image is unattainable for 95% of the population, if not more.  The message that people receive is that you are not good enough because you are too heavy, you are too short, or you don’t have the right clothes.

These images make great people feel wrong about things that they can’t help.  There seems to be no way to go backward and send a different message to our kids because the messages we send them are not very positive ones.

The simple fact of the matter is that nobody is going to be truly happy until they accept themselves as they are and realize that they are fantastic just like they are. Your character is not measured by how you look, how much you weigh, or what clothes you wear.

Anyone who says any different is trying to build themselves up by knocking you down.  These people have feelings of not being good enough and are trying to compensate by putting you down. YOU are fantastic!

Follow Your Passion to A Career

you are good enough
Love Yourself

Some people have heard the message that they are not good enough in their heads so much that they have decided to prove the world wrong!

They strive to show them all by becoming the most successful and wealthy that they can become.  By accumulating the “Best” job and making lots of money, to buy many, many things, surely that will prove that they are good enough?

Surely they are successful, and they are valuable and worthy to themselves and society.

The sad truth is that you can own everything in the World, but if you don’t accept yourself as you are, and love that person, you will never be happy, no matter how much money you have.

You will be good enough when you stop listening to the judgments of others and embrace the goodness inside of you.  Choose a job that you are passionate about, and you will not only be happy, but you will most likely find financial success as well.

Don’t Give Up on Your Greatness.

There is another group that has heard the message that you’re not good enough, and they have simply embraced the message and decided that there is no way to feel good about yourself, so they have hidden in a mask of drug addiction.

It doesn’t matter if the drug is alcohol or crystal meth, the result is the same, there is a fundamental dislike of the way that they feel about themselves, they will never be good enough like they are: so why try?  This attitude has led to an epidemic of young, vital, great people throwing their potential away because they simply didn’t feel good enough.

Once you are into that lifestyle, it seems nearly impossible to get out of it.  It all begins because a person hears the voice in their head tell them that they are not good enough.

Reach for the Stars, and You Might Hit the Moon

For most people, the message that “you’re not good enough,” will be a constant, pervading message that will serve to keep you from reaching your potential, or significantly diminish your ability to enjoy the things that you do.

Sometimes you may find that you don’t try something because you have been so conditioned that you don’t have the talent or ability to work.  The truth is that all of us have the potential to do almost anything we want to do, from getting rich to be famous, but we lack the confidence and belief in ourselves to follow through and make it happen.

If you live your life thinking that there is no way that I could be super successful, is there any wonder that it never happens?  Every person is born with an unlimited amount of potential to achieve whatever they desire, and they spend the rest of their lives trying to remember what that talent was.

It is the fear that we actually might prove that we aren’t good enough that stops us from trying or doing many things.  Let go of that fear, and there are no limits to what you might be able to accomplish.

So if I could change one thing about the World, it would be to remove the thought “I’m not good enough” from the minds of everybody and replace it with  You are a great human soul with unlimited potential.

“As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.”– Audrey Hepburn 

“At the end of the day, it’s not about what you have or even what you’ve accomplished. It’s about what you’ve done with those accomplishments. It’s about who you’ve lifted up, who you’ve made better. It’s about what you’ve given back.”– Denzel Washington 

“Peace begins with a smile.”– Mother Teresa

“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.”– Mahatma Gandhi