Category Archives: 21

21

The Arrival of Happiness

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Happiness withinHappiness does not come due to what we experience on the outside of us, it comes from within, and it is up to us to decide whether we are happy with our relationships, jobs, or lives or not. There are many reasons I believe this to be true, but here are a few of my favorite thoughts on happiness.

So Often We Rely on Things

For much of my life, I was a person who thought that it took things to make me happy.  A relationship, a house, a new car, or new clothes would make me feel like I was happy.

tumblr_lxrc7kkCNo1qcwoauo1_500Yet, like many people, deep down, I was not happy.  How can this be?  I dreamed of getting something and following a plan and got it all, yet I was not happy inside.   This feeling of unhappiness made me research how others look at happiness and what this crazy game of life should be about.  This is what I learned. If you found something or someone you rely on for happiness, then I feel sorry for you because if that person or thing is taken away, so is your happiness.  And worse you have no control over this, you are a prisoner of your situation.

Things Do Not Make You Happy

No matter how many things I accumulated, any happiness was short-lived and didn’t last.  Two things resulted, I wanted more stuff to get happy about, and I worried that I would lose my stuff, and of course, then I would never be happy.

Finally, I started reading about how happiness comes from within, and it is based on your thoughts, emotions, and perspective on life.   Regardless of your experiences, you always have the ability to choose to be happy about life.

Find What You Love, Love What You Find

The more people I meet, the more obvious it is that everyone is born with some skill or talent.  Many forget it as they grow up and have expectations put on them, and are happiness-quotes-1conditioned to think and feel as society tells them.

Think back to when you were young and the dreams you had. You may have dreamed of being an astronaut or a cowboy or whatever, I don’t think the dream is important, but the person who dreamed was. Remember them and how they thought before a world of expectations and conditioning turned them into what we are today.

I think that what you love will come to you.  It doesn’t really matter what book you read or a philosopher you follow, and all agree that finding what you love to do is important.  Once you find that, do it and don’t worry too much about the money, it will follow your passion.

Choose to Be Happy

If you look at some aspect of your life and aren’t happy about it, change that thing.  I know it sounds simplistic, but isn’t looking outside of yourself for an answer unnecessarily complicated? You look in the mirror and see what is there. You then choose what you think of that reflection.   Choose to look at that person with love and understanding, and you will find your happiness in other areas will go up as well.

Today I am grateful that happiness comes from within, and I hope that if you are unhappy with an aspect of your life, you will decide to change it.

  It’s a GREAT day to be ALIVE.

 

21

Luck

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no such things as luckWe are continually hoping that our luck is good for much of our lives and it will bring us good fortune. Unfortunately, I have found over my life that there is no such thing as luck. Events occur, and we assign the value to them. They are not going to be to your liking simply because you have a lucky rabbit’s foot or find a four-leaf clover.  Luck doesn’t exist.

Luck is defined as success or failure due to chance rather than through one’s own actions.  I will admit that luck can be a compelling force in your life if you want to look at life this way. However, if you bow down to luck, you have to concede that you are generating its power, not luck itself.

Every other Step Skipped

stepsMy first superstition, I came up with on my own and for no apparent reason that I can remember, but when I was a kid, I would always go upstairs two times. If I didn’t skip a step on any stairs, it would mean bad things would happen. I can remember doing this as early as 5 years old and, to some degree, maintaining it through high school. Yes, I skipped a lot of steps.  The thing about it was, things happened regardless of how many steps I skipped. Some were pleasant; some were not so pleasant.  Even though it was clear to me that skipping a step wasn’t excellent luck, I continued to do it because it gave me the illusion of control. That is important for people when they feel powerless, I think.  Eventually, I just accepted that good and bad thing happen every day, and my skipping steps weren’t going to help the Red Sox win the World Series.

I have come to realize that it is how I think about things that count. Stuff is always happening around me, and since I live in the world, I am a part of some of it.  Some things are good for me and some that are not, but they are all just things.

You get experiences from them, but it is not luck.   If an asteroid falls from the sky and lands on you, you might consider that bad luck, but perhaps the lesson you were teaching was not for you but for others who know you.  Enjoy life and make every moment you have special because you never know when you will be struck by an asteroid and be killed.   That is the way of things, and it is how you think about things that count, not luck.

redsox********Note on October 12, 2004, I was heading home to watch the Red Sox play the Yankees in game 7 of the American League Championship Series. I stopped at a store on the way home with a moderate number of steps.  Thinking it couldn’t hurt, I skipped steps for the first time in many years.  The Red Sox won and went on to win the World Series for the first time in 86 years.  I was sure my old stand by superstition was responsible.

What’s Your Lucky Number?

numbersNumbers were always a superstitious thing for me as an athlete.  A good number would mean success and a bad one tragedy.  I had many good numbers in a lot of different sports and still remember every number I had on every team I ever played on ever.  My top number was 10. I for some reason, I felt like I could overcome anything wearing this.  The second was 17, which I loved because it belonged to my favorite Celtic.  The third was number 4 because it seemed extremely lucky for me.

Now I do not believe any luck in numbers because as I look back on the hard work and desire I had when those good things happened, that was a lot more to blame for my success than any number.  Other than a mental edge or positive thinking, no reason wearing one number or another has any impact on your performance or the outcomes of contests at all.  It is how you think that counts.

Hold Your Breath Now

cemetaryThere are several superstitions that you can look at that I have participated in my life.  When riding on the bus as a kid, it was “lucky” to raise your feet off the floor, cross your fingers and hold your breath as you rode past any graveyard.  I always did this, but only because everyone else did it, not for luck.  Often I would breathe and touch the floor to see what happened.  Nothing ever did.

Walking down the sidewalk in my little hometown, I would avoidcrack stepping on the cracks.  But really, after a while, there were places with a lot of cracks, and you really couldn’t avoid stepping on one here or there.  As I already stated, I was a cautious stepper by nature.  Yet even though I occasionally put my foot on a crack on the sidewalk, nothing untoward ever happened to my mother’s back or anybody else’s anatomy.

I Walk Under Ladders

ladderThis superstition made little sense to me. Even though many things can happen if you walk under a ladder, neither good nor bad fortune is dictated by it. In fact, as a college student, I worked for a contractor in the summer, and we often used ladders. I walked under them all of the time on purpose, and nothing at all ever happened because of it.

Now someone might argue that your life isn’t over yet, and bad luck could reign down on you at any second. I don’t worry about that because I have constructed a necklace made of four-leaf clovers that I wear at least once a week to combat any bad luck I may have built up over the years.   I walk under ladders because there is no such thing as luck. It is all how you think about it that counts.

This Little Black Cat Says."Good Luck!"
This Little Black Cat Says.”Good Luck!”

There is no way that you can convince me of the existence of luck in any way, shape, or fashion.  Some things happen, and we evaluate their value-based almost solely on how they influence us individually. The good news is that you don’t need luck. What you think about your life and your experiences is much more powerful than a lucky number or action could ever be.  Choose to think positively and see the good in events, and they will most often seem “lucky.”

21

Change Cycles

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Change is a topic that comes to my mind often, probably because we are always experiencing its effects.  We are not the same today as we were yesterday, and tomorrow we will be different still. That is the way of life.  Often we move through our experiences seeing no difference whatsoever, but when you look back over the last ten years, we have, of course, experienced changes that are deep and wide from where we were.  There have been lessons learned, positive and negative. Beliefs have been built, destroyed, and built back up again.  Life is a consistent cycle of change from one thing to another. From this situation to that. Driven by a combination of our choices and the inevitable framework of nature.  The best we can do is have a talent for accepting the changes we can’t control and making good decisions about the ones we can choose.

No Choice Changes

There are many circumstances in life we have no choice about.  Who our parents are is not a choice, and we are born into the mercy of the adults in our lives. Suppose they provide a safe, caring environment or not is out of our control.  Were we nurtured and cared for or abandoned and neglected? Either way, at some point, we have to take responsibility for ourselves and decide what type of person we want to be. That is a choice that is ours individually.

Natural disasters occur, crime happens, loved ones pass away,  accidents of all sorts, and all are happening out of our control. Change is happening all the time.  We do not choose these things, but they bring change to our lives nonetheless.  The choice is always in how you deal with these changes.  Most people are faced with several watershed moments in their lives when life will never be the same again. What do you do in those moments? That is what will define you and your contribution to the world. You know them because you define your life as a time before this or after that.  We all are faced with unsought tragedy and challenges. How we choose to deal with it will be the factor that defines us.

Choice Changes

Then there are the changes we do participate in choosing.  Seeing something in yourself and wanting to improve it are common examples of this. To quit a bad habit, or to start participating in a good one.  All are choices.  We have quite a lot of control over our experiences in life through our choices in action and attitude. Most things can be fun, entertaining, and enlightening if you choose an attitude of enjoyment.  You always have the choice of being negative and wishing you were somewhere else. This will succeed in making you and all around you miserable, but that is a choice you can make.

When setting and achieving goals, change is what we are after. What do you want to accomplish? What are you willing to give to get it? What actions can you take? What resources can you take advantage of?  All of these choices will determine how quickly and efficiently you see the changes you are after. But more importantly, your attitude about achieving the goal will dictate the enjoyment you glean from the process and certainly how much you enjoy it.  The journey is a major part of the ride, and the steps along the path to the destination will provide stories and memories in the future. Choose to enjoy these slow changes on the way as a part of the process rather than treat them as something you must get through.

Change Your Level of Happiness

If you look at your current life experience and you are not happy with everything about it. Look for ways to inflict enjoyment into your life in all that you do. Change is constant and natural. We are going to change one way or another. Some we do not control, but many we do, and our attitudes toward this change determine the quality of our lives.  Take time to enjoy the changes that are happening, rather than fight against them, flow with them. k

As I stated in the beginning, change will be a part of our life experience from the beginning to the end, and we will move through a process. Experiencing good things and difficult things.  Never despair because of where you are or celebrate too much either. The unstoppable forces of change are working, and things will develop into something else wanted or unwanted soon enough.  Learn to embrace change. If we did not change, then growth would never occur, and what is not growing is going the other way.

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” -Gandhi

“Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change.” —Jim Rohn

“When in doubt, choose change.” —Lily Leung

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy, for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another.” —Anatole France

 

21

Duplicitous

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It has been an observation that all people are duplicitous, always have been, and always will be.  Some have more separation between their two sides, but we all have them.  This image of the apple makes me think of this.  Billy Joel expressed it very well,

“Well, we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out and
Show ourselves
When everyone has gone
Some are satin, and some are steel
Some are silk, and some are leather
They’re the faces of the stranger
But we love to try them on.”

What you show the world

I don’t think that anyone can argue with the premise because we don’t go around showing the world everything about ourselves. We show them what we want them to see or are comfortable with them seeing.  This apple is like that because you will see something undesirable if you look at the bottom, and it looks like it is no good.  However, if you look at the top, the apple still looks healthy and normal.  If the apple

hiding feelings
Be Careful What the World Sees

could choose to show you only its healthy-looking side; you would assume it was a normal and healthy apple without knowing the hidden damage underneath.  All people are this way to some degree.

Hide Your Damage

People hide their damage from the world for a couple of reasons.  First of all, nobody wants to be judged on the things that have happened and hurt them.  Nobody knows how much someone has been hurt or why. It seems a narrow thought process to label someone for one small part of their life.  Most often, judgments come from selfishness to point out someone else’s pain to hide our own. Or deflect attention from the very same issues in one’s own life.

masks
Are all outward appearances just carefully conceived masks?

Another reason people practice this separation is that if people knew their true feelings on things and issues, they would reject them, and they would lose acceptance in society.  This fear keeps many wearing their masks for their entire life, showing what they know will be accepted and hiding their different faces, regardless of the honesty behind them.

Why Be Shady?

It seems that people would be a lot happier if they could be who they are, think what they want, and be allowed to heal their damage. This is the way of the human condition, and we will continue to exist like the apple showing what we believe to be our shiny side to the world while we hurt underneath.

It makes you wonder if everything you see from people is just a mask or if they are trusting you enough to show you what they really think.  That is why people like dogs because you always know exactly where you stand with them. I have met people I thought I knew well, who proved over time to be hiding their true self behind a veil of lies and misinformation.  I can’t judge too harshly.

Keep To Yourself

How much of myself do I keep to myself? Just because I don’t want to put myself in front of the speeding train of judgment.  Much like all of our superheroes, Superman, Spiderman, Batman, and the like, they maintain a “secret” identity to protect a part of themselves.  I think it is to give them a safe space to live, outside of the public pressure of being Superman.  I think there is a bit of that in all of us.

Regardless of where you stand personally on the subject of duplicity, I will know that you, as well as everyone else, have a duplicitous identity. I guess the trick is to see which side of themselves any person is choosing to show you at any one time.

21

Now or Never

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If not now, then when?

if not now then when jonathan hilton
The question that can launch a thousand ships

 

There is often something that we have meant to do in life we continually put off until tomorrow because of the potential consequences. Perhaps we are too busy, or maybe we are afraid of the price we pay, to do this thing. The fact that there is change involved and change is a scary thing because nobody really can guarantee you that whatever you are looking to do will, in fact, make your life experience all that much better.

This fear is enough to stop many adventurous people from pursuing a new adventure, but should it? Isn’t the point of life to stretch ourselves and create all that we are capable of?  Or is it just a game of accumulation, the one with the most possessions at the end wins?

The short answer, I believe,  is life is about growth, because you can have everything in the world and not achieve happiness, you can know that you are producing something unique, in a voice that no one else has, be totally broke and still be happy.  So if you look to stretch yourself, you have to ask yourself, if not now, then when?

All Great Things

Most of the great things that man has ever accomplished were created by taking a chance and changing the status quo.  In fact, there is really no place in your life that you can look

changes jonathan hilton
All change can be scary

that life hadn’t changed radically from their existence even fifty years ago.

Socially there was still legal segregation in the United States, and it was considered bad by the establishment to listen to Elvis. What would they think of Jay-Z or Katy Perry or the fact that the current president of the US is African-American?

Now with Technology

This is what a phone should look like!
This is what a phone should look like!

Technologically we have gone from the television being a new thing, with three channels, to a massive entertainment source that you can watch on your phone.  Speaking of phones, if you had told me that I would have my own Star Trek communicator that I carried around with me all the time, I would never have believed it.

The phone was attached to the wall, and you had to be home to use it.  Our current phones would really be science fiction.  What if Steve Jobs had said, “Not today world, we don’t need a cool hand-held phone that talks to you.” We would be lost completely.

These things never existed and never would have existed if it wasn’t for the fact that someone thought, if not now, then when?

Are You Living in the Moment?

So when it comes to your personal life, if not now, when? When you look at your life, and you see or even more significantly feel that something needs to change, it can be difficult to take the plunge.

live-in-the-moment-for-the-sheer-joy-ofMaybe you are hoping that things will change on their own, or you will feel differently tomorrow.  However, if you are always looking to tomorrow for things to get better or improve, you may be missing out on something, a great opportunity for happiness today.

 

Putting off your own happiness is not a good thing because you were not put on the Earth to be miserable with life.  Saying I will start being happy when the kids are grown, or after the autumnal equinox or when my next birthday comes, or some other random event you are resigning yourself to wait for.

This is a prime example of not living in the moment because I have said many times. There is no guarantee that you will be around until the next autumnal equinox or even until tomorrow, for that matter.  Today is all that there is, and now is the only time you are sure to have.  If you wait, it may well be too late.  It is OK to be afraid; everyone is afraid, but those who find success learn to deal with the fear and move forward anyway.

There will come the point in your life when you have to cross your Rubicon and challenge what you need to challenge, change what you need to change, or create what you need to create.  Then and only then will you be in control of your life and your decisions.

So if not now, when?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSsjykucNPg

21

Choices

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“At some point in our life, everyone must decide if they are a creator or a critic, a lover or a hater, a giver or a taker.” ~ Unknown

the choices are all yours
Choose wisely

Life is a short ride, and the decisions we make each day determine if that ride is a thrilling experience that makes you hold your breath or if it is a calm walk through the park.

The choices we make every day will determine the tone, happiness, and satisfaction we get out of life. Choose well.

Critic or Creator

It is an easy choice to become a critic of anybody or anything. It is my experience that a person who will be critical of how one person lives, or the things they do, will quickly decide it is their duty to point out the parts of your life worth criticizing.

Since being critical is almost always a window into a person’s own feelings of inadequacy, it is often helpful to listen to a critic, if only to understand what they lack in their own life.

The other choice here is to be a creator of things and focus on what you can add to the world rather than what is wrong with everyone else. Creation is the best way to connect to your true self and understand who your authentic self is.  Creativity in all forms is a magical thing and to be a creator is to bring more light into the world. Imagine your thoughts, ideas and creations will never be brought to light unless you do it yourself.

Many people find it easier to critique because they are afraid to create fear of what someone else might say.  I urge you to create! You are a master at whatever you do.  Pay as much attention to someone being critical as you would to a mosquito buzzing by your ear on a summer’s day, insignificant to the enjoyment of your life.

A Lover or a Hater

Love or hate, its your choice
simple choice. You are never too young or old to make

This is the simplest choice that everyone faces every day.  When you look at someone or something, you have the option to love what they are or what it is you are looking at, or you can choose to hate them or it.

People bring their hate onto others for so many silly reasons, their race, religion, sexual orientation, or even what part of the world they are from.  It is just as easy to find a reason to love someone to find a reason to hate them.

Once you choose to head in one direction, most often, you are going to continue down this road, always finding more and more reasons to hate people and things.   One person who hates one ethnic group will often easily add several others quickly to their list of undesirables for no apparent reason.

The good news is the choice to love is also one that will grow the more that you use it.  Not everyone will be exactly like you, but everyone is a human being living on the face of the earth.  Hating someone or loving them is really an example of how you feel about yourself, and when you realize this, you will be less than eager to dish out hate.

Every person is born with unlimited potential, and you may be the fuel that allows someone to realize their talents. It doesn’t matter where someone is from, the religion they practice, the color of their skin, or anything else. We are all spiritual souls having a human experience.

The choice to love is easy and takes no more effort than hate does.  It is simply a frame of mind.  As time goes by, situations arise, and you may feel wronged or unfairly criticized, but when you look at situations from a large perspective, ask yourself: “Is it really worth it?”

Some people I know will swear that it is. Some have gotten over their hurt and see it wasn’t.  I think that if people understand that their feelings are a choice, they are the person they have chosen to be. I am happy for them.

Givers or takers

There is a symbiotic relationship that exists between everyone, and there are those that are

giver or takere
Gratitude is the key to this transaction in both directions, givers and those that are takers, and we make the choice which one we are.  Most of us will be on both ends of this spectrum at one time or another, as I have.

The secret to giving is that you are really giving a gift to yourself every time you do it.  If your intent is true and to give something to another, you will receive as much back or more.  That is how it works.   Some of the greatest givers I have known were not rich people financially, but they were quite rich in their souls.

I have been fortunate to know many people who would gladly share their last dollar or meal with you if you needed it.

They did this cheerfully and with no expectation of repayment.  My personal gratitude for these gifts is immense, and I understand how lucky I was to receive them.  I, in turn, try to live the same way, being a cheerful giver when I can.

When the taker of a gift or help doesn’t see the gift with gratitude that problems arise, many now are given help from others and are not grateful but feel it is an entitlement or an expected part of living.

These people will never continue giving, only looking for more of a gift from others, never being satisfied, or looking for a way to give back.  Nobody should be too proud to accept help or forget what it feels like to need.  Heartfelt gratitude is the key, on the one side, for the gift you have received and the fact that you have enough to give.

What Do You Choose?

Who do you want to be in your life? What do you want people to remember about you? All of this is totally in the hands of the decisions you make each day.

 

21

Fears

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Moving past our fears
Everyone Experiences Fear

So you have a goal in mind, and you feel it just might be your passion. It is right there in front of you like the low-hanging fruit on a tree. All you have to do is reach out and pluck it, and it is yours.

Yet you don’t reach. You stand or sit and watch the fruit as it hangs there, tantalizing your senses.  It is often fear that stops us from following our passions, and for me, I have often found fear to be a huge barrier to doing what I want.  What is it that I am afraid of?

What If I Fail?

I think that we all have this fear in our minds to some degree.  Being successful is ingrained into our consciousness from the first days we begin school.  So failure is looked at as something undesirable. Our education system teaches this as a rote fact.

Yet when you analyze it, really, it is just one of the many possible outcomes of trying.  All great discoveries and people became geniuses to the world as they stood on the heap that was Moving Past the Feartheir previous failure.  Failure is not fatal; it isn’t even detrimental to accomplishment.  So often, we need one more piece of the puzzle to reach a new height, and you can often learn what that is through the experience of failure.

Sometimes we fail, but the choice of how you deal with that is always up to you.  You can quit, roll up in the fetal position, and rock slowly, asking yourself: Why? Or you can analyze the failure and see the shortcomings of whatever you have done, correct them, and try again and again if necessary.

I have been paralyzed by fear before, and in hindsight, it always makes you feel foolish.  Find the encouragement you need to keep going, your friends, your family in the books you read, or whatever you come in contact with daily.  Don’t let this fear stop you. Fear is nothing but a thought. You don’t have to pay attention to it.

What If I Succeed?

As strange as it sounds, I have been hurt by a fear of success.  How can I be afraid of

moving past failure
Moving past failure

succeeding?  Well, surely you have not met me.  The human mind seems to be great at creating problems where none really exist.  My mind is an expert at this.

Perhaps it is the egoic ramblings of my conscious mind that worries that if things go too well for me, something bad will clearly be followed soon.  This fear of Karmic retribution can sometimes make you want to keep things as “even Stephen” as possible.  Never reaching too high to avoid falling to a scary low that perhaps you might not want to experience.

This is the worst of all fear because it is stopping you from reaching your limits.  All of us will have experiences in life, and one of them should be reaching our potential in any given area of interest, especially if it is doing something that we are passionate about.

Put this fear to bed by understanding that life is full of ups and downs, and no matter what you do, no matter how even-keeled you try to stay, there will still be setbacks.  Being great at something will not result in a punishment later unless you choose to create one. Fear is only a thought in your mind that you choose to pay attention to.

What Will Everyone Say?

For me, this is the biggest fear there is.  Perhaps it was a childhood weakness, or maybe it was high school trauma, but for whatever reason, I have been deathly afraid of what other.

Moving Past the Fear
What do they think about me?

People might think of my actions.

The foolishness of this fear really jumps out at me as I write these words because the only person who is hurt by this type of phobia is definitely me.  Let me share my anti-fear recipe here.  First of all, what other people think is their problem, not mine.

Secondly, any bad thoughts that someone has about you are often due to their own inadequacies and fear, not yours. Other people are always mirroring into your soul. What you see in others often exists within you.

Thirdly, what you think they think is most often not accurate anyway.  This is because it is most often my ego that produces these thoughts of someone else.  Really they are your own perceived weaknesses projected onto someone else.  When you think about it that way, you can see it makes no sense to be afraid.  Fear is a thought in your mind.

Escaping Fear

In the end, the scary thing is that we all are going to face fear, and it is most likely going to happen every day, whether we like it or not.  It is in how we deal with the presence of fear that our lives will be defined.  Will I shrink from the negative thoughts that fear creates? Or will I rise above it and start to pay attention to more positive forces in life.

I think most people who can achieve their dreams can look fear in the eye, recognize it for what it is, and move on with their actions anyway, which take them to the finish line.  Fear is nothing more than a thought, and that is it.

Fear is not a real tangible thing unless we allow it to become that through our inaction.  

 

21

Improve

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Improvement and growth are what life is about.  I try to be a little bit better today than I was yesterday. The great thing about this is there are literally thousands of ways improvement came come. I focus on the big categories of life, spiritual, mental, and physical. Still, there are specific things each day you can focus on to improve your energy, productivity, and enjoyment of life.  Today there are three that I am focusing on just because I came across them in my notebook.

Enjoying Life

There are days when everything flows perfectly, just as you want it to. But other days are not so fluid. Often we blame the weather, other people, or life in general for the problems.  The enjoyment you get out of life is never from how smooth things go but how you react to them.  Each moment has good things in it, and if you can avoid attachment to a certain outcome, then all results become something you can enjoy.  We are not all-powerful gods, and occasionally things out of our element are going to happen.  Learn to roll with it.

This means I am focusing on enjoying the rain and the sun, the cool and the heat, the love, and the anger. It is all there, so it must be there for a reason. Those who judge me are there to remind me not to be judgmental. Those who love me are there to remind me to love others. There are just too many good things and experiences in life to focus on the bad ones.  I am working on enjoying life and all of its experiences. It is a short ride, after all.

Improve Relationships

Relationships with others are the way we get our bearings about ourselves. I am fortunate to have great relationships with special people, but there is always room for improvement in all of them. I want to get better at making sure that those I love know it and understand how much they mean to me.  In a relationship, there are two parts, yours and theirs. Allowing them to grow and for you to grow as well is a good thing. I am looking for new ways of appreciation and love. 

I am fortunate to have been in relationships where we embraced new things all the time and tried fun things together. It is fun and allows us to experience life on a level of adventure, which is fun and exciting.  I want to make sure that I never take that for granted and continue to enjoy all the things we do which are new and interesting. I have a suitcase of memories, but I want to fill a large storage building with them.  So I want to continue to improve in enjoying all relationships and all the things that are unique about others. People enter your life for a reason, and most often, it is to teach you something. There are a rare few that stay for the duration, and those are the ones that teach, allow us to teach them, and learn together with you. Improving yourself and your life.

Move Away From Worry and Fear

This is a broad range of topics for how I look at others and life in general. It can be difficult to keep an even keel and see the good in all people when they do such a good job of hiding it. But look, and you will find it and see it.  Much of my mindset is positive, but I am not perfect and have moments of poor quality thinking.  Sometimes fear creeps in and makes you look at people harshly.  Worry and fear are a combination we all face daily. We are afraid people won’t meet our needs in some way. What is anger but a loud alert to the world we are afraid of not having our needs recognized or met?  Worry is the same, and we create grand scenarios in our minds that will never happen and give them our attention. Even though it is only misplaced imagination, the stress you feel is real, and that releases hormones into your system, which are detrimental to your health.

To lessen the effects of fear or worry, it takes an active consciousness.  I am endeavoring to be aware of my thoughts and their resulting feelings.  Determining if they are something I should really be afraid of or if it is just a figment of my imagination created by misguided thought? Most people never look at their thoughts in any real constructive way. That makes you a slave to any thought that pops into your head.  We think we react to, and thoughts of fear and worry are prevalent in our lives because we are inundated with messages of fear through the media and society in general. My goal is to remember that love is greater than fear, and it is always a choice. I can’t control how others live their lives, but I can improve how I experience mine.

So that is it, I will endeavor to become a better person today than I was yesterday!! I will enjoy life more, value my relationships and improve them, and move away from worry and fear towards love.  How about you?

“The health of your brain is much more about your actions than your age.” —Dr. Daniel Amen

“You’re either green and growing, or you’re ripe and rotting.” —John Addison

“Growth is actually contagious, so if you want to reach your goals, you’ve got to get around people who are going in the same direction you want to be going, and you will catch the success.” —Dr. Henry Cloud

“Beginning today, set an intention and a relentless focus on living your life as the greatest person you can be, in all situations.” —Brendon Burchard

“When you are at that intersection in the road, and you’ve got two paths to go down, because of the impact of certain people in your life, you’re able to choose the right path.” —Jason Witten

21

Rain

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“Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.”

Rain is an inevitable part of your life, and it doesn’t matter where you live. If you live in a tropical climate, you probably experience a rainy season and devise ways to deal with it.  If you live in a desert, you probably dream about what it would be like to be drenched in the rain. Wherever you live, the rain will have a symbolic or emotional meaning to you.  Personally, I have developed an appreciation for the rain I experienced in my life, and it has been there clearly in the background.  Watching the gentle rainfall on a calm lake in summer. Each drop forming soft circles of impact and a soothing sound of comfort and peace. Rain is a symbol of rejuvenation and cleansing. All lives need this from time to time.  There has been a lot of rain in my life.

The Soft-Spoken Rain

rain 2I love the rain when it falls outside, on a warm spring, summer, or fall night. Lightly dancing its tap dance on the roof and reminding me just how lucky I am to be sitting inside.  Rain is also great for sleeping as well, the sound of rain hitting the ground is one of the most soothing sounds you can listen to.  Torrents of peace flowing out of the sky, landing softly on the grass for you to enjoy.  As you drop off to sleep, there is no thought or thankfulness for the rain, just an inner warmth or affection for warm blankets and the soft-spoken rain.

In my youth, I would look forward to the summer nights when the rain would fall and tap out its unique, soothing song on the roof. Always different, always wild, taking me to calmness and the gentle arms of rest and rejuvenation. No song has ever been as soothing and as sweet as the whispers of that rain, singing me to sleep.

The Cleansing of Rain

rain 4Sometimes, it seems that no matter what kind of mistake you have made in your past, the falling of rain from the sky can provide you with the solace that whatever you have done is not permanent but a passing part of life.  Mistakes are not meant to be tattooed on your skin, and they are meant to be temporary teaching moments.  Rain allows nature to wash clean, and just as the rain changes nature, so are we.  The coming of the rain hastens to heal the scars that lie underneath, and it will allow you to refresh your soul and start again.

The Sad Rain

rain 3There is a bit of retrospection that the rain can bring on. It is only natural to remember moments of bliss, love, and affection that we once created during the rain.  Those moments as miraculous as they were, are now gone. Remembering these lost times is always a bitter-sweet moment. It is better to have experienced those times and the clarity and emotion of the experience.

Yet, there is a wistful realization in the rain that just like each drop is unique and falls only once, those moments were the same. You will never get them back, and that is at the root of the morose pall that surrounds the rain. You would think people would want to avoid this, but really most want to remember and relive those perfect times regardless of the pain they cause.

Here Comes The Rain

No matter what we do in our life, there is going to be rain. You will always have the choice to love it for the benefits it brings, eventually ending and leaving for the sun. Or you can choose to hate it as a nuisance, a pestilence that brings nothing but cold, wet, and muddy weather.  The choice of how you feel about the rain is all up to you.  Dread it, love it, praise it, hate it the rain doesn’t care what you think it is going to continue to fall.  It’s up to us whether we get wet or use an umbrella.

“The best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain.”- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

“Do not be angry with the rain; it simply does not know how to fall upwards.”-Vladimir Nabokov.

“The rain began again. It fell heavily, easily, with no meaning or intention but the fulfillment of its own nature, which was to fall and fall.”-Helen Garner.

 

21

Kindergarten Lessons

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As I move through any day, I am bound to encounter all sorts of behavior, some of it positive and hopeful and some selfish, mean, or hurtful. It always makes me remember that the world would be a much better place if people remember what they learned in Kindergarten and live by them.  For me, Kindergarten happened a very long time ago. Still, I remember the basic lessons I learned and how practicing them today allows my work and personal life to be a much more positive experience. I challenge you to put your own 5-year-old vision on your behavior and experiences and see how you are doing your own behavior and decisions.  The world seems full of people who have forgotten; I am writing this to remind you.

Be Kind

One of the first lessons I learned was that you should be kind to other people. Even though we are all individuals sitting on a mat on the floor, we are all a part of the same society, and we can either make that society better or worse by

kindergarten kindness
In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

practicing kindness or not.  That is a choice, and I learned how good it felt to be kind and to have kindness practiced toward me.

I think that all of those little people I was in class with all felt the same.  The world could use a little of this focus as most people have decided to split the world into an “us” vs. “them” situation.  Even though what constitutes each side differs from the individual, there are too many examples of how poorly we treat each other because of the perception of a difference.  What stops people from seeing the opportunity to practice kindness and understanding rather than anger, fear, and contempt?

Share and Cooperate

Most people seem to be on a mission to collect all the “stuff” they can in life as if the things we possess define who we are.  I don’t remember specifically what the toys were in the kindergarten room I attended, but I do know I learned to share them with my classmates and found that playing with others was far more fun

Sharing is cool!

and enjoyable than having a toy all to yourself.

In fact, when the whole group played a game together, it was the most fun of all.  You didn’t have to be the most athletic or smartest, you just had to try, and the group accepted that effort. If you didn’t, our teacher’s kind and gentle guidance would guide us back to a positive place.  I go to a gym most days and see many people there, most practice cooperation and understand that you need to share equipment and wait your turn for some things.  Some obviously have never understood the concept of being considerate of others.  I find myself wanting to explain to them in clear terms about the concepts of sharing, taking turns, and empathetic to others.  Though if they have come this far in life being self-centered and insensitive, their life experience made them forget kindergarten lessons. I feel sorry for them. Life must have been very difficult for them indeed.

Take Turns and Work Together

When you are five years old, your problems are far less complex than as an adult; however, dealing with a challenge is a skill that will determine the success or failure of many ventures.  Everything in the kindergarten classroom was designed to build this concept in each of us. We took turns being first in line to maneuver around the school. We took turns doing daily chores.  We shared cleaning

One of my favorite toys when I was 5. I would share it with you for sure.

responsibilities and we did them together.

I encounter many people today in all areas of life who seem to have concern only for themselves, their experiences, and that everyone does things their way or wrong.  At the highest levels of government, this seems to be the norm in the United States today.  Rather than cooperate for the good of all people, politicians are more concerned with being “right” rather than doing what is clearly right. What is right are the things that help people live a healthy, happy, and safe life. Kindergarten teaches this; unfortunately, as life has given us challenges, we have been hurt and turned away from these positive lessons and moved toward the perceived safety of isolation.

What You Can Control

One of my favorite activities during the day in kindergarten that I remember is the weatherboard. We would sit in front of a felt

Weather time!!

board with two images on it, and our wonderful teacher would call on us and allow us to put a piece of clothing that would be appropriate for the weather on that day.  Growing up in Greenville, Maine, there were many winter jackets, hats, and mittens.  It taught you to dress for the weather and that some things in the world are out of your control.

Even though there are things that are out of our control, we have the ability to react to these things any way we choose. We can be angry about it, or sad, or happy, but no matter how we choose to feel, the weather was still cold, or rainy or snowy, or not snowy enough.  What we can do is dress appropriately and do the best we can.  It is a lesson that I have needed to remember throughout my life.  Things happen which I can’t control, and all I can do is react in a way that will be true to who I am.  If you can master this skill, then you will enjoy your life a lot more.  Too often, we spend too much time complaining about the weather rather than reacting positively to the weather and all things that are happening out of our control.

In the End

Kindergarten is a year in your life usually happening when you are five years old, and if you paid attention, the lessons there could guide you through life.  The developmentally appropriate

I am not sure who’s kindergarten class this was but I hope they paid attention.

learning is designed to allow a child to build social and academic skills which will allow them to fit into the school system.  My challenge to you is when you move through your day, encounter the people you do, and experience things of all kinds. Regardless of your current age, you remember what you learned all those years ago in kindergarten and practice it with everyone you come in contact with.  Be kind when you can, share and work together,  enjoy the people in your life and understand letting things you can not control determine your mood is unhealthy.  Most of all, if you remember your kindergarten lessons, you will have a much happier life and be a better person.

“The Universe is one great kindergarten for man. Everything that exists has brought with it its own peculiar lesson.”- Orison Swett Marden

“The kindergarten children are confident in spirit, infinite in resources, and eager to learn. Everything is still possible.” Robert Fulghum

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osVbhDfUiy4