I Like To Watch Scrubs

Scrubs is a comedy television series that ran from 2001 to 2008 on NBC, and from 2008 to 2010 on ABC. It was created by Bill Lawrence, who also co-createdSpin City.

For whatever reason I became a huge fan  of the TV show Scrubs.  I have seen every episode at least once.  Even the lame ones without the real cast they churned out at the end.  The original series and cast was classic and they really make me laugh.   It is in my opinion one of the best comedic drama series ever produced.

If you like intelligent, (for the most part), comedic moments with a touch of drama, Scrubs is the show for you.  I highly recomend seasons 1-7, after that………….kind of lost their way.

Scrubs Cast of Characters

John Dorian (J.D.)

Zach Braff portrays John Michael “J.D.” Dorian, the show’s protagonist and narrator. J.D. is a young attending physician, who begins the series as a staff intern. His voice-over to the series comes from his internal thoughts and often features surreal fantasies.   Many of his fantasies provide some of the funniest moments in the show.  We all have that alternate reality playing in our head, J.D. just shows his to the world.  He also hates the Janitor.

Christopher Duncan Turk

Donald Faison portrays Christopher Duncan Turk, J.D.’s best friend and a surgical attending physician and later Chief of Surgery. Turk roomed with J.D. at the College of William and Mary and at medical school, and the two have an extremely close relationship, which is best described in the season 6 episode My Musical as “Guy love”. He is married to Carla Espinosa.  Turk is the perfect foil for J.D. , he is everything that J.D. is not, cool, funny, and in his mind athletic.  Turk and J.D. have a stuffed dog named Rowdie, this is important for no reason other than I like Rowdie.

Elliot Reid

Sarah Chalke portrays Elliot Reid, another intern and later private practice physician. Her relationship with J.D. becomes romantic on several occasions. its an on again off again, type of relationship.  In the end they ended up getting married and all true Scrubs fans knew this is the way it should be.  Elliot is often neurotic and annoying but who isn’t at some point.  It is her ability to look at herself honestly and accept all of the freaky stuff that make her who she is.  Elliot Reid, moment killer, Elliot Reid, had her boyfriend attacked by a bear, it goes on and on.  Frick and Double Frick, I miss Elliot Reid.

Carla Espinosa-Turk

Judy Reyes portrays Carla Espinosa, the hospital’s head nurse, who acts as a mother figure to the interns, often hiding their mistakes from their attending doctor.  Turk and Carla have a relationship that lasted throughout the show.  Even though he can’t seem to get her heritage quite right.  She is Dominican, not Puerto Rican!  Their relationship is one of the backbones of the show.

Perry Cox

John C. McGinley portrays Perry Ulysses Cox, a senior attending physician at Sacred Heart and the hospital’s Residency Director before becoming the new Chief of Medicine in season eight. J.D. considers Cox his mentor despite the fact that Cox routinely criticizes and belittles him. Cox likes to call J.D. by a new girls name or another perceived derogatory comment in every show.  Deep down though you see that the Dr. Cox likes J.D. and wants him to be a success.  There is the moment he is talking to the board in season one when he relates to them how good J.D. is as a doctor.  Also in the episodes where three people die, The Cox-J.D. relationship shows it’s strength and development.  

Bob Kelso

Ken Jenkins portrays Robert “Bob” Kelso, formerly Sacred Heart’s Chief of Medicine. Kelso is cold, heartless and cruel, driven primarily by the hospital’s bottom line rather than the well-being of patients. However, it is occasionally suggested that he has a softer side, and that his cruelty is a means of coping with the years of hard decisions. It has been noted by other characters he was burdened by the job.  Kelso provides the foil of darkness and greed that Perry Cox and John Dorian are fighting against.  Never more clearly shown than when in season one they are all playing golf and fighting for J.D.’s soul.  Kelso loves muffins and was rewarded with a lifetime supply when the coffe shop moves in.  Kelso has a heart deep down inside.  

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Janitor

Neil Flynn portrays the hospital’s custodian known as ” Janitor” (in the last episode of season 8 he reveals his name “Glenn Matthews”… which may have been another lie, as another character immediately refers to him as “Tommy”). An incident in the pilot episode establishes an adversarial relationship between him and J.D., which persists throughout the series. This tends to take the form of the Janitor pulling mean-spirited pranks on J.D., although he gives J.D. a pass after his father dies.  Janitor spends many hours thinking of ways to bother J.D. .  Like many people, who have experienced a co-worker who just seems out to get them.  This relationship is clearly an exaggerated example of that dynamic.

The Janitor is also an organizer, from his various “Brain Trust” groups to an army of stuffed squirrels.  (who wouldn’t want a squirrel army?).  Janitor was a constantly evolving character that brought a lot to the show.  Everybody hates the Janitor.  Why did you put a penny in the door?  Why did you take it?  Come here we want to mess with you.  All classic Janitor lines.

In the ninth season premiere, Turk tells J.D. that the day after he left Sacred Heart, the Janitor asked when J.D. was returning, either oblivious to, or in denial of, J.D.’s departure, and upon coming to the realization that J.D. no longer worked at Sacred Heart, promptly walked off the job and quit.

Ted Buckland

Theodore “Ted” Buckland, played by Sam Lloyd, is Sacred Heart’s lawyer. Ted is the hospital’s “sad sack”, with pathetically low self-esteem and frequent suicidal tendencies. He is constantly degraded by Kelso, who has slowly but surely broken him down. It is implied that Ted has never won a case and it took him five tries to pass the Bar Exam due to stress induced dyslexia; he also states that he took the exam in Alaska, where it is much easier to pass. Ted attended Ithaca College.  Through a conversation with the Janitor in season three, it appears Ted speaks Korean.

Ted shows a character that almost everyone can relate to.  Most of us have had days where we feel like Teddy Buckland.  Ted finally gets a girl towards the end of the series. Her name is Gooch and she plays the ukelele in the hospital performing for kids.  It’s great to see the “sad sack” get the girl and something good can happen for everyone.  Kelso even told Ted that he always appreciated him at the end of his tenure.  

Todd Quinlan

Dr. Todd Quinlan, often called The Todd, played by Robert Maschio, is a surgeon at Sacred Heart who often delves into rampant sexual innuendo. Despite hisfrat boy personality, lack of common sense, and inability to spell, Todd is a skilled surgeon, being ranked the best surgical intern and second best surgical resident. He is a friend of Turk, even believing that he is Turk’s best friend, instead of J.D. Todd was not given an official surname until season five. In the Season 1 DVD Commentaries, Bill Lawrence explained that they never gave him one on purpose. “Quinlan” was picked up by a fan from a prop tag on Todd’s shirt once in the first season. It was merely a prop and not intended to be an actual name; however, the name eventually stuck.

Todd’s sexuality is never explicitly stated, although in “My Lucky Charm” he states that “The Todd appreciates hot regardless of gender.” He pretended to be gayin “My Lunch”, believing that “chicks dig gay dudes.” He constantly makes sexual comments towards men and women alike, even admitting that he would sleep with a 68-year-old syphilis patient and stating that he “accepts all applicants, regardless of age or disability.” After talking with Dr. Molly Clock, Todd explained that his view on women was due to an unhealthy relationship with his mother in which they made out. However, it is also revealed in “My Tormented Mentor” that Todd’s father also influenced him to look at women as sexual objects.

Throughout the series, The Todd often refers to himself in third-person and has a variety of high fives, made by taking a word or subject and adding “five” to the end, for example “Moving-on Five” or “Slide Five” normally accompanied by a sound effect. Todd is also a member of the Janitor’s second “Brain Trust,” a group composed of Todd, Ted and Doug. In “My Soul On Fire, Part 1,” it was revealed that Todd went to medical school in the Bahamas and learned the “high five” from his professor.

Songs About Rain

It is another rainy fall day, we need some sun!  I enjoy the rain in most cases, but there comes a point that you just want to see the sun.  I was thinking about all of the songs that talk about rain.  As my thoughts ran through the playlist of rain songs in my head, I wanted to put them down before they left my mind.  Here is a quick list of my favorite rain songs.

Rain

First song is from 2005 by Breaking Benjamin, it’s called Rain.  It has the sad yet hopeful vibe I think we all get on gloomy, rainy days.

No Rain

No Rain by Blind Melon is another song about rain, great lyrics, great rhythm and a memorable bee costume.  We have all been that Bee girl at some point in our life.  Anyway, it’s memorable enough for me on this rainy day.  I like watching the puddles gather rain…………..

Rainy Night In Georgia

This song is one of my all-time favorite songs about rain.   Sung by Brook Benton,   it makes me remember that everybody feels like it’s raining all over the world, sometimes.  Love lost and memories carried forever, that is the gist of this one.  If you have never heard it, you should listen, put it on your Ipod and think about the one that got away.

https://youtu.be/pVQPGVIAgPs

Rain King

Rain King is a little more upbeat song by Counting Crows from the 90’s that if you remember it, you will not be able to stop yourself from singing along.  I belong in the service of the queen, I belong anywhere but in between, she’s been crying and I been thinking and I am the Rain King.

Like The Rain

Clint Black contributes this one to the list because it captures the feeling that I sometimes have about the rain.  The sound of rain falling outside the window, while I remember a special moment, and remember a love that is lost and gone, much like the rain.  I never liked the rain until I walked through it with you……………..

The Rain

This one is by Oran “Juice” Jones, one of my favorites from the mid-eighties, I really haven’t heard this song in years but it’s worth a listen.  I saw you and him, walkin’ in the rain.  You were holding hands and I will never be the same.  Classic rant in a song, ever ending with this line: That’s right, Silly rabbit, tricks are made for kids, don’t you know
that. You without me is like corn flakes without the milk! This is my
world. You’re just a squirrel trying to get a nut! Now get on outta
here. Scat!

Kentucky Rain

Elvis was the King, and you can’t have a “rain song” list without him.  Kentucky Rain is about searching for the girl that got away.  Looking at this list it seems to be a common theme for many of these songs and probably why they mean so much to so many.   Don’t know why you’re gone, what your running to or from, all I know is that I want to bring you home…………..

Raining On Sunday

Keith Urban got this one right.  Even though today is Tuesday, I think the feeling of  “Raining on Sunday” always seems pretty good.  What ever comes Monday can take care of itself.  We’ve got better things to do.   Memories………….

https://youtu.be/ei8wb8NIRzM

If you have any you think I should add, just let me know.

Life long  Red Sox Fan

One of my major interests in life is following the day to day trials, tribulations and victories of the Boston Red Sox.

My grandfather is to blame for this affliction.  When I was about 10 years old, my grandfather took all of my family to a Red Sox Game.  It was the first time I went to Boston.  I still remember walking up the ramp which emerged into the grandstands at Fenway.   Back then you didn’t get to see the Red Sox play every game, actually looking at how green the Green Monster actually was, and the Sox home uniforms looked so white against the contrast of the greenest grass I had ever seen in my life.  Top it off with the fact that I was watching Jim Rice, Fred Lynn, Carl Yastremski and Carleton Fisk get ready for the game and I was hooked.

The Red Sox also appealed to me because it always seemed like fate was against them.  It’s easy to love the front runners, but it is more of a deep bond when you feel that no matter how good it looked for Boston to win the world series, you just knew that somehow they were going to blow it.   They continued to have close calls and the relationship grew.

In 1986, I had just moved to a new apartment in South Portland, Maine.  I had three roommates who weren’t there yet, so I was sitting in a lawn chair, (no furniture had gotten there either), watching game 6 of the World Series by myself.  I remember thinking to myself, “Wow, I can’t

believe I’m going to actually see the Red Sox win the World Series.”  No sooner did I think that than things started to go wrong.  Bill Buckner,  we all know where that one ended.  I would see the Sox win the series………………. but not for another 18 years.

The Red Sox have been a unifying force throughout my family.  Many of us may be separated by age or by geography or whatever else divides people.  Almost all of my family on both sides can carry on a discussion about the Red Sox.  We have all followed the ups and downs of Red Sox Nation.   Even my mother who has never been into sports at all can tell you about the virtues of Big Papi and how great it is when the Sox win.  At the time of this writing the Sox are currently 2-10 to start the season.  Ouch.  the date is April 16, 2011, as most Sox fans probably believe, this is the day it starts to turn around.

My favorite Red Sox Player of all time was Dwight Evans.  It was close between Evans, Fred Lynn, Jim Rice and Carl Yaztremski.  I have always been partial to Dwight because he worked hard every day, gave it everything he had and seemed to always come up big in clutch situations.  He was one of the steadiest players for the Red Sox throughout the 1980’s and although he is not a Hall of Fame Caliber Player he is definitely an all-time great.

The Red Sox Finally Win!!!!!

As we all know the previously unthinkable happened in 2004, a group of “idiots” took Boston and their fans on one of the wildest rides in baseball history.  Most people remember what happened, so I won’t spend a lot of time on the details.  The Red Sox winning the World Series was a watershed moment in my life.  I was convinced that I never would see that day.  My grandfather was born in 1921 and died in 1993, loved the Red Sox and never,  thats NEVER saw them win it all.   I was sure that would be my fate as well, but then there they are beating the Yankees coming back from a 3-0 deficit, and then destroying the Cardinals in four games!  Up was suddenly down, cats were friendly with dogs, left was right.  What was happening to our world?  If the Boston Red Sox could win the World Series than wasn’t anything really possible?  It was because they did it again just three seasons later.   Now there is a young generation of fans who never know the angst of knowing, deep in your heart, that no matter how good it looks, it will probably end up in heartache and disappointment in the end.  I am happy that the Sox won and I wish my grandfather could have seen it.  I also now kind of look at Cubs fans with sympathy.

My Dunkin’ Donuts Addiction

I am a coffee drinker and in my estimation the best coffee in the world is brewed and served at any Dunkin’ Donuts, anywhere!  I think it is one of the more addictive things  that I enjoy.  Every day that starts with a large hazelnut coffee, cream only has the beginning of a great day!   Surprisingly I am not a big fan of their donuts, or donuts in general, but the coffee is the best.

Where to Find A Dunkin’ Donuts in Maine

I have developed a sixth sense for locating a Dunkin Donuts, if you dropped me off in the middle of nowhere I would find the nearest Dunkin Donuts just by sense of smell.  In my opinion all other coffee franchises are second rate and ok if you can’t find a DD but having the choice I would take DD every time.  If you don’t have a sixth Dunkin’ Sense, I copied a list of all known Dunkin’ Donuts locations in Maine.

My Kindle

Once my life was simple, books were something I had to search for and then place on a dusty shelf when I was done with it.  Maybe someday I would venture back into that story again, but most of the time, I didn’t.  Getting new books to read was also hard, book stores are a shrinking business and the cost of books is shooting up all the time.  These factors finally drove me to purchase my Kindle.   It was the best thing I have bought since my first big screen TV.The New Kindle

I was nervous as I took it out of the box.  I mean, couldn’t anybody know what I was reading.  Then it dawned on me, that nobody was going to freak out if I was reading the latest book I found by William George Jordan.   So I plugged the new Kindle in and it was all charged up and ready to go, I hooked up to wifi and started to look for some Kindle PDFs to read.   I looked for free books first, and I have found that there are many free books for your kindle readers out there.  First just do a Google search and you will get sites that offer nothing but free books.  They are mostly PDFs and the only problem with them i  s that they can be difficult to read.   Amazon has a bunch of free books, but you have to really search to find them.  Even when you find free books available, most of the time they will cost at least ninety nine cents.   That’s Amazon for you, they provide this awesome service but want to suck as much money out of you as they can.   If you really search and are persistent you can find free books on Amazon.

Three Choices of Kindle

You currently have three choices for your kindle enjoyment. First is the most expensive model,

The Kindle 3 Wi-Fi Reader is the top of the line reader.  You don’t need to have a Wi-FI connection to manage your content with this sharp little baby.  It uses its built in 3G capability to communicate with the Amazon mother ship and get your latest reading delights to you.  It costs about $189, but with the freedom you get from Wi Fi it is probably worth it.

I like the Kindle Fire

This is Amazon’a contribution to the tablet market.  In the short time the Kindle Fire has been on the market, the response has been outstanding.  Not only can you read all of your books you can also browse the internet and use popular android apps like Hulu, Pandora and/or Netflix. You can even play Angry Birds on the Kindle Fire.  The am$200.azing color touchscreen will allow you to play movies, look at magazines or what ever you want on the life like 7″ screen that will provide the best entertainment value available in a tablet, all for less than

Kindle With Special Offers , It has ads on it!  No Effect on Reading Experience.

By far the cheapest option for a Kindle is to get one that is supported by ads.  The Kindle people upload paid ads that appear as screen savers, rather than the customary artists or authors they usually show.    The Great thing for me is that they only come on the screen when your Kindle is in the sleep mode, and they don’t change the experience of reading in any way.  I encourage anyone to explore this option because it is less expensive and really doesn’t change the reading experience in the least.

An Ad Supported Kindle is a great decision, lessening your cost  on the device and allowing you to spend more on the content that you read!  Win-Win.  The more you read, the more you’ll know and the more you know the more freedom you will enjoy!

The Kindle DX Reader, Rolls Royce of Kindles

If you want the ultimate Kindle experience then the Kindle DX Reader is the one for you.  It is way bigger than the standard Kindle which some people will like for the great reading experience.  It has 3G capability so you can use it just about anywhere.  The giant screen just makes reading so darn easy, and it would be just as enjoyable for a little old lady from Pine Point or a Kid from Passedumkeag, to read and enjoy.  Personally I don’t need all the bells and whistles, that this model provides, but if you want the best of the best for your electronic reading, the Kindle DX Reader is the one for you.  For those that want a 3G connection that works for free all around the globe (well in over 100 countries so far) and wants a massive 9.7″ display, the

I hope that you do investigate the market and find the electronic reader that will fit your needs.  The bottom line is that the ability to access information easily and at will is the cornerstone of democracy and freedom.  The easier it is for all of us to learn and expand our mind, the better place the world will be.  Having a Kindle has definitely changed my life, and I hope that you will have a similar experience as well.

The Road Not Taken Poem

I have always thought that this simple poem helped me understand and deal with many different situations and helped me to experience many great things.  When traveling on short distances or long, it is far more interesting to take the lesser traveled path.

Since all people living on the earth are faced with choices of what to do or where to go, it is no strange thing in life that we all also wonder, what if? What if I had taken that other road?  Where would I be now?  There are crossroads in everyone’s life where a decision needs to be made, a direction followed, a new task attempted.  All of us have this experience, we just pray and hope that fortune and God is on our side.  But having the courage to move forward on any path can make you a success in the end.  It will definitely make you more interesting.

I have included some other famous quotes by Robert Frost underneath my favorite poem here, Enjoy!  Be yourself and be BRAVE! Dedicated to my favorite traveling  partner, you know who you are!!

The Poem of the day

The Road Not Taken

By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Some other well known  lines from Robert Frost that I like:

Lines from Frost

The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.
– Stopping by woods on a Snowy Evening

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
– The Road Not Taken

The best way out is always through.
– A Servant to Servants

Ah, when to the heart of man was it ever less than a treason to go with the drift of things to yield with a grace to reason and bow and accept at the end of a love or a season.
– Acceptance

Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favour.
– The Black Cottage

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.
– The Death of the Hired Man

A poem begins in delight and ends in wisdom.
– Preface to Collected Poems (1939)

A poem…begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. It is a reaching-out toward expression; an effort to find fulfillment. A complete poem is one where an emotion finds the thought and the thought finds the words.
– Letter to Louis Untermeyer

No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise for the writer, no surprise for the reader.
– Preface to Collected Poems (1939)

I never dared be radical when young for fear it would make me conservative when old.
– Ten Mills, A Further Range

We love the things we love for what they are.
– Hyla Brook

Earth’s the right place for love: I don’t know where it’s likely to go better.
– Birches

And were an epitaph to be my story, I’d have a short one ready for my own.
I would have written of me on my stone: I had a lover’s quarrel with the world.
– The Lesson for Today

We dance round in a ring and suppose, But the Secret sits in the middle and knows.
– The Secret Sits

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee. And I’ll forgive Thy great big one on me.
– In the Clearing

You don’t have to deserve your mother’s love. You have to deserve your father’s. He’s more particular…. The father is always a Republican towards his son, and his mother’s always a Democrat.
– Interview

The world has room to make a bear feel free; The universe seems cramped to you and me.
– The Bear

Good fences make good neighbours.
– Mending wall

A man must partly give up being a man with womenfolk.
– Home Burial

Like a piece of ice on a hot stove the poem must ride on its own melting…. Read it a hundred times; it will forever keep its freshness as a metal keeps its fragrance. It can never lose its sense of a meaning that once unfolded by surprise as it went.”
– The Figure a Poem Makes. Preface to Collected Poems

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended—and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended
– Comment

Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
– Address

Take care to sell your horse before he dies. The art of life is passing losses on.
– “The Ingenuities of Debt” in The Poetry of Robert Frost

I’m not confused. I’m just well mixed.
– Wall Street Journal 5 Aug 69

I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew.
– Writing a poem is discovering. NY Times 7 Nov 55

Poets are like baseball pitchers. Both have their moments. The intervals are the tough things.
– NY Post 18 May 58

I am a writer of books in retrospect. I talk in order to understand; I teach in order to learn.
– Quoted in Daniel Smythe ed Robert Frost Speaks

Poetry is a way of taking life by the throat.
– Vogue 15 Mar 63

Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second.
– Vogue 15 Mar 63

A poet never takes notes. You never take notes in a love affair.
– Quoted in Edward Connery Lathem ed Interviews with Robert Frost.

There is nothing quite as relaxing as playing 18 holes on a warm summer day with people you like hanging out with.  Usually most people who play golf are pretty decent people because the game is too hard for people with bad attitudes.  In fact I have never met someone on the golf course that I didn’t see some redeeming quality in.

Golf is a game that you play against yourself.  You keep your own score, so if you cheat then you are just cheating yourself.  Most of the game is really played between your ears.  If you can focus on the moment usually you do pretty well.  Now I know that sounds easy, but it is difficult after you just hit a beautiful drive to not think about the potential birdie or par that is coming.  You can almost see yourself putting it down on your scorecard.  Then……BAM!!  A duff, a shank and a three putt and all of those dreams disappear and you are now putting down a six.

That’s the way that golf goes.  It really is a game that can represent many aspects of life.  When you start your round, I always have a feeling of endless possibility.   This could be the day that I break 80!  This could be the best round I ever shoot.  I try to feel that way at the beginning of every day and even though I rarely do find that goal that I am seeking.  I do usually feel fortunate that I had the opportunity to play.

The only drawback to golf is that is can take up so much time.  Four to five hours gets harder and harder to find.

Great quotes involving golf

Eighteen holes of match or medal play will teach you more about your foe than will 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.  ~Grantland Rice

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child.  Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.  ~John Updike

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf.  ~Robert Lynd

Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.  ~A.A. Milne

Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.  ~P.G. Wodehouse, A Mixed Threesome, 1922

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s golf game:  it’s called an eraser.  ~Arnold Palmer

Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course – the distance between your ears.  ~Bobby Jones

I’m about five inches from being an outstanding golfer.  That’s the distance my left ear is from my right.  ~Ben Crenshaw

Golf is like a love affair.  If you don’t take it seriously, it’s no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart.  ~Arthur Daley

Golf is a fascinating game.  It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it.  ~Ted Ray, Golf – My Slice of Life, 1972

The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes.  ~Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1975

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.  ~Paul Gallico

Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.  ~Author Unknown

It’s easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, nineteenth-century Presbyterian minister’s fever dream of exorcism achieved through ritual and self-mortification.  ~Bruce McCall

Forget your opponents; always play against par.  ~Sam Snead

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.  ~Horace G. Hutchinson

They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them.  Golf is more complicated than that.  ~Gardner Dickinson

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf.  I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.  ~Will Rogers

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.  ~Sam Snead

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.  ~William Wordsworth

What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive.  ~Arnold Palmer

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.  ~Phyllis Diller

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan.  Today it’s called the PGA Tour.  ~Author uncertain, attributed to Alex Hay

A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood.  ~Author Unknown, plagiarized from the Samuel Johnson

 “It is a hopeless endeavour to unite the contrarieties of spring and winter; it is unjust to claim the priveleges of age, and retain the play-things of childhood,” which wasnot written about golf  (Thanks, Frank Lynch)

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes:  taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.  ~P.J. O’Rourke

The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball.  The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling.  The sport of choice for front-line workers is football.  The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball.  The sport of choice for middle management is tennis.  The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf.  Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.  ~Author Unknown

If you drink, don’t drive.  Don’t even putt.  ~Dean Martin

Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent’s.  ~Grantland Rice

Golf is a good walk spoiled.  ~Mark Twain

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.  ~G.K. Chesterton

They throw their clubs backwards, and that’s wrong.  You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don’t have to walk any extra distance to get it.  ~Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players

If you break 100, watch your golf.  If you break 80, watch your business.  ~Joey Adams

Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one.  ~Martha Beckman

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.  ~Author Unknown

I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.  ~Attributed to both Miller Barber and Lee Trevino

Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study Shanks – No Thanks by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard’s excellent Tennis for Beginners.  ~Henry Beard, Golfing, 1985

Golf is life.  If you can’t take golf, you can’t take life.  ~Author Unknown

In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence.  Nobody cares.  In golf everything has got to be right over second base.  ~Ken Harrelson

If I can hit a curveball, why can’t I hit a ball that is standing still on a course?  ~Larry Nelson

Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom.  ~Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1967

If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes.  It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head.  ~Harry Vardon

A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water.  ~Bob Ryan

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren’t penalized for being on grass.  ~Bob Hope

I’d play every day if I could.  It’s cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart.  ~Brent Musburger