No matter who you are, the quality of the people you choose to share your life with will dictate the caliber of the experiences you can collect each day. Sometimes we choose the people through friendship and developing relationships, and sometimes they are chosen for us in the form of family members or through circumstances. Either way, I encourage a continual evaluation of people and to see the value they bring to your life by arriving and, in some cases, the value they provide by moving out of your life. It is a trick of maturity and wisdom to do this constructively and meaningfully. But look at your life and the people in it and ask the simple question, do they make you better? Or do they make you worse?

The Ins

If we are lucky, our lives will experience a constant influx of new individuals who will bring a backpack full of positive and negative into your life. If nothing else, they will get an opportunity for you to grow and become a wiser person. Because each person, regardless of age or background, will bring their lessons of experience to you. You must be willing to look past your judgments to see the value in their cargo and to listen for the nuggets of matter. People enter your life for a reason, and most often, it is to teach you something. Are you paying attention to the lesson?

Some are long-term teachers and will remain in your life for the whole journey, and others are just entering for a second, so you have to pay attention to glean the wonder of their words and actions. Allowing people to get their message to you is a talent we all have to work on, and it isn’t one we might see or notice in a simple moment. It is easy to think sometimes we have it all figured out and don’t need to learn anything new and not listen to someone different from us. But these messages can teach you, and there is no need to fear a word or thought because it is one you don’t believe. The more knowledge and varied experience we can gather, the wiser we will be and the greater our understanding. People make our lives either good or bad, depending on how we choose to allow them in our lives.

The Outs

There is a maturity of life people develop to understand how people also move out of our lives. I don’t think this happens without us feeling pain about it because to allow people in means we will love and cherish folks, but sometimes they have to leave for their reasons and motives, which have nothing to do with you. Looking at the broad picture of life, people go through our lives for many reasons, and the change can be challenging to understand, but it is a part of allowing us to let things flow as they must. You can’t change the flow of these things any more than you can stop an ocean wave or from darkness invading the sky every night. It is the way of things.

Maturity understands this. Change is never good, and in relationships, it can feel devastating. You should cherish each moment you have with someone because you never know when things will change and become something else entirely. People get sick, people move, people change, people die, accidents happen, and life is never a static thing. It is constantly changing and evolving. We do not have to like it, and most people don’t. They sometimes let a person leave your life if the best thing for all involved, but it is tricky. It can be the hardest thing to let someone go because it is best for them. Painful to you but needed for their growth. Life is full of lessons like this, which we will either learn from or continually experience again. Unfortunately, the classes aren’t all about our own needs.

Living and Appreciating

It is always important to remember that life is a very short ride. One in which nobody is sure about when the inevitable end will come or how it will happen. We can only be sure that it will. As people come in and move out of your life each day, you must find a way to take lessons, grow, appreciate, and continue to move forward in life. The value of what you contribute to people whose lives you move into will depend on it. Are you a positive or a negative teacher?

The thoughts we choose to take from those we encounter will play a significant role in answering this question. Are we judgmental and close-minded in dealing with the ideas of others? Or are we more open and understanding of the path others have walked? Choosing the latter over the former allows you to gain from their experiences, good or bad, without experiencing them yourself. Also, in understanding someone, you provide them with a piece of acceptance that is truly human.

Look at the ins and outs in your life today, the past week, and the past month. Try to develop the skill of letting them come and go like water in a river. Wisdom is to allow things to move as they must, nothing ever stays the same, and the rate of change is often out of your control. Accept the good things and move forward with the knowledge that life supplies you with all the opportunities you can want. It is up to you to understand how the ins and outs can improve you.