I am as hard on myself as I am on anyone I know when it comes to this statement. How you treat others defines you. I know because this is an area I have fallen short of many times in my life. I know I haven’t always been the best person when it comes to my treatment of other people. I have a long list of situations where I have not treated others as well as they deserve or been the kind of person I would have liked to be. That is why it is always so hard to see people you care about fall into the same selfish traps in the way they treat others in their life. It takes so little to be decent in the world, and I guess sometimes that price is just too much for some to pay. I try to adopt the hope in each new day that I will be able, at this moment, at least, to treat others with kindness, caring, empathy, understanding, and consideration. That is my hope.
Only In Control Of Me
The only thing in the world we are indeed in charge of entirely is how we control ourselves. Life can and will throw all kinds of situations at you, and it is up to you how you respond. Do you quit? Become disillusioned? Respond with anger toward those who care about you? Blame everything and everyone else? Accept 
responsibility for ourselves and our situations? The only honorable way to go is to accept responsibility for where you are right now. Because you are the person who decides what thoughts are essential to you, and those thoughts will create the world around you.
You are the only one who can control the tenor of the thoughts you focus on. Where focus goes, energy flows. If you spend your time thinking only of yourself, you will be stuck in a cycle of selfishness with no real opportunity for growth because growth comes from the things you do for and share with others. The positive or negative actions we take in our lives each day will determine how our lives grow. This idea is particularly true in our spirituality. It is our responsibility to look for ways to improve as people in our life. Regardless of the circumstances we face, we choose the impact our lives have on the people around us and us. Positive or negative, this is our choice, every second of every day. You are the only one who can control you.
Noone Left to Blame
Today, our lives are the sole responsibility because we are the creators of the thoughts behind them. You can try to blame circumstances, other people, or just bad or good luck, but whatever experiences you have resulted from your choices and actions you have taken. If you have mistreated people, you can’t be surprised when you are treated poorly by someone else. Too often, I have blamed others for the outcomes in my life that didn’t live up to my expectations.
I would have better spent my time accepting my thoughts, words, and actions and realizing that I needed to change my ways to bring different outcomes into my life. If I was going to be selfish and self-centered and only worried about how things would affect me, then I can’t be surprised when opportunities in life that rely on others pass me by. Our lives are a direct reflection of what we think and what we do. There is no more significant measure of what we are as people than the shape of our lives right now.
Your Qualities Define You
Finally, when looking at your definition. What are the words you would like to have associated with yourself? Honestly, look at the way you treat others, and you will find the meaning of yourself. I know many people who would shy away from 
some of their adjectives, although they belong to the things they say and do. You can’t be mean to someone in one breath and then claim kindness in a general sense. Service is an attribute that accompanies you all the time, or it doesn’t at all. Mean and insensitive behavior can’t be erased by wishful thinking.
But it can be undone by a change in thought and recognizing our responsibility for our actions. Each day we have a chance to represent ourselves with behaviors we stand behind and envision as beacons of our best selves. Falling for a time doesn’t define your life; it only establishes that part of your life. No story is over until the last page turns, and the best stories are always about redemption and comebacks. You have to ask yourself, can I change? From negative to positive? Lousy behavior to good behavior? Unhealthy to healthy? Or whatever challenge you are facing because the only person who can choose what defines you is you.
“Our past may shape us, but it doesn’t define us.” ―
“We cannot let the haters of this world define us. Or frighten us into no longer being ourselves.” ―
“Strong people define themselves; weak people allow others to define them.” ―
“Define yourself—not by how much you are loved, but by how much you love others.” ―
“Never defend yourself, but define yourself with your imagination and actions.”―
