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A Pile of Dimes
Looking at yourself honestly can be a difficult thing to do. Most often if we look to close it can be a bit on the
painful side. This is especially true when it comes to weight.
For me, weight has not been an issue most of my life, I have been fortunate to be fit for most of it, but that has not been the case over the past five years. Life changes, one day leads to another and slowly your body changes and not in a good way. Finally, you reach a point where you have to do something or just give up forever. I reached that point in October, it was time to act.
Losing weight is a tricky proposition. It is going to involve a lot of work and the reward will come down the line. Mentally for me I started with the image of a table covered by a pile of dimes. Each dime was placed there over the past five years, one for each day I didn’t exercise, or ate too much or both. When I did a
workout I mentally was able to take a dime off that table. Much like losing weight, one dime makes little difference in the appearance of the pile but consistently take a dime off day after day and the difference will be seen.
60 Days
I challenged myself to exercise every day for 60 days to see what happened. The rules were that it had to be cardio based fitness and it had to be between 30 and 60 minutes. I have always felt that level of exercise would get me moving toward any fitness goal I had. So I started by sucking it up and joining a gym. It is true that you don’t need a gym to be successful in weight loss, but it certainly helped me. I had some issues with my foot that made it impossible to train or exercise well simply by running. The gym I go to has great low to no impact equipment that allows me to work hard and not injure myself, forcing me to miss a day and remain an out of shape person.
Intimidating at First
Going to the gym for the first time is intimidating, there is no denying that. It is hard not to compare
yourself to others and see that you are so out of shape. Once you get over that initial fear, the gym has become a haven for me. I am supported by the staff, and have nothing but positive experiences with the other patrons as well.
For the first week I was just learning what I could do. What exactly an Arc Trainer was and if it would kill me or not. For those who don’t know an arc trainer is a combination of an elliptical machine and a stair machine that really provides a good workout. I would do 35 minutes total and then go “stretch” before I went home. This was really a time where I tried not to pass out or roll myself into the fetal position and cry. However this didn’t last long, after the second week, I really started to feel better and the times of my workouts have gone up. Most days I use two different machines for 30 minutes each. Every day I mentally remove a dime from that table.
In terms of actual weight lost, I am not sure yet because I am currently on day 56 and I promised myself not to weigh myself until after my workout on day 60 which is next Monday. I am keeping my fingers crossed. There are some things I am sure of. I can see the difference in my face in the mirror and on my legs when I am stretching after workouts so there is that, and people have noticed who know nothing about my imaginary table of dimes.
Unfortunately I was not able to workout each of the past 60 days in a row because of work. One day I was unexpectedly called in early on Sunday November 30th, so didn’t get to work out that day. So Monday will really be day 61 but I will take it. Now to set the goals for the next 60 days. I am not sure what they will be but I will keep taking a dime off the table each and every day.
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One Second
My friend wrote this, and asked me to publish it, which I have gladly done. It is with great pleasure that I share this writing by the one and only Rarasaur!!
by Rarasaur
Stop and listen-for one second.
You just experienced 9,192,671,770 periods of oscillation of an undisturbed cesium atom.
There’s a real science-y explanation to what that means, but I prefer the sorta-science perspective.
Imagine the smallest thing your eyes can see and then think of something even smaller than the smallest fraction of it. So small, the eyes can’t see it. So small, a microscope can’t see it. So small, the Universe kept it a secret from us humans for aeons. We found it,
though, on one of our missions of boundless curiosity and we named it. We call it a cesium atom.
When it thinks no one is looking, that atom dances- quick oscillations, swift movements, swift movements. We watch quietly and keep tally of every twerk, boogie, and shimmy. On the 9 billionth, 192nd millionth, 671st thousand, 7 hundred and 70th movement- we mark our time. One second has passed.
So in a manner of speaking, there is dancing in the air- and that dancing vibrates the universe as we are experiencing it. Vibrations make music and se set our clock by this microcosm of melody, capturing a symphony in every second.
And if you are still enough, you can hear it.
So stop and listen.
One second.
Isn’t it beautiful?
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Closing Time
In all things there is a beginning, a middle and an end. This summer has marked a whirlwind of activity in my life as I decided to return as a camp administrator at a summer camp in Maine for the second summer. To compare the two experiences would be difficult because there were different people involved and circumstances unique to each summer, but there are many lessons to be learned from each.
Now at the end of this experience it is almost like the activities of the summer were a dream. Last week was a wash of activity, with thousands of things that needed to be done and details to be ironed out. Each of these things took the concentration and creativity of much of the staff from a carnival to a prom, all of these things were
dreamed up, created and presented with flawless precision. Not to mention the logistics of sending all the kids home, cleaning up the camp and getting the staff out on their way home or on a traveling adventure.
After all of that in the last seven days, now it is just me and the whirlwind has slowed to a seeming crawl. Which seems like a stand still in comparison. Instead of making sure everyone is doing what they should and not what they shouldn’t I am simply cleaning up, and making sure all of the loose ends are being tied up.
Wandering through the camp, the mark that this year’s staff has made is unmistakable. Everything is put neatly away, and the camp, equipment wise is prepared for the oncoming winter.
There is an empty feeling though that pervades the place. As you think of the staff and their particular talents and personalities, I start to realize how much of an impact they have had on this camp and on me as an individual.
A summer camp in the end is just a piece of property with buildings on it. It’s personality comes from the people, both staff and campers who call it home during the summer. They bring a vitality and strength that allow for great memories and
for providing a great experience for themselves as well as for every person who is involved. It doesn’t matter how large your role is, the experience of working at a summer camp will touch your soul and stay with you for ever.
Sometimes the job can be very intense and difficult, but those times fade for me as time goes by and I remember clearly, the people who made the experience so special. I fully believe that this is the last summer camp that I will be a part of because there is too much else to do and accomplish in life. However no matter what it is that life has in store for me I will be carrying the memory of each of the special people I have met here who have touched my life and made this experience so enjoyable.
Some may be aware of how much they mean to me and some may never know. But the fact is that each person has left a footprint on my life and I am grateful for it. I wish them all the best in each of their endeavors in life and that they will find true happiness at the end of it all. Thank you MGTA staffs of the past two summers for making this a truly great experience that has added a great spice to my life.
“Every new beginning, comes from some other beginnings end.”
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Happy Thanksgiving To You
It is Thanksgiving 2015 and another year is slowly winding to its inevitable end, of over spending and stress. Yet Thanksgiving always gives me pause to remember the people who I have been fortunate to know over the course of time. As I was working out this morning I was trying to think of all the people who have touched my life in a positive way. From people I have met through some experience in my life, growing up, high school, college, work life, or one of the many who I see in the course of my life at the places I frequent, or on the internet through blogging, all of you have made an impact on me and I am grateful that I know you.
Grateful for All of You
It is common to be grateful for the things we have in our lives but often we let the people move in and out 
without acknowledging the contribution they make to our happiness each day. All people will make a mark or leave a footprint in your life. Some are positive and others end up being negative, but all provide an energy that has the potential to make your life so much better.
I am grateful for each person who has come into my life and left their footprint, all have been appreciated, from those I have worked with and shared that experience to those I am friends with over the many years, to my family members who have known me my whole life. Each person has made a unique contribution to who I am today, which I think is a good thing.
For those Who Are Gone
Of course there are many who have ended this journey and we carry on with only their memory. On this 
day I am particularly grateful to have known them and had them contribute to my life in such fantastic ways. As Each of my grandparents have gotten older and succumbed to the inevitable end of their journey, each has left their mark on me and my character, through their example of generosity and kindness. I have been a very fortunate soul, for the people who I have come from. Each a unique, caring, dynamic person in their own way.
This is a day to remember the things about them that only exists now in your memory. Knowing that in your existence you are carrying a piece of them on with you and through you, and your thoughts they still exist, if only on the wind of thought and memory.
Happy Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving to all the people who have touched my life in person, or through the world of blogging, all are appreciated and hopefully this day finds you happy and grateful for all the wonderful things that you have in your life. Thank you all for making this life the great experience it has been and continues to be. I am humble and grateful for knowing all of you!!
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Get Some Journey
I have made a commitment to contribute more often on my blog so here is a first entry. In the past I have been writing about a lot of things that are deep on my mind. Since I have found other outlets for the real deep thoughts, I think that my daily observations are what you are going to get.
Today’s observation is a real appreciation for the voice of Steve Perry who used to be the lead singer of Journey when they were awesome. I have always known what a vocal weapon he possessed but after being inundated with lesser voices over the years, I heard an old journey song today that just highlighted what an instrument of magic his voice was. Check out the video below and listen for the moment when old Steve kicks in. It is amazing! Give it a listen. I double dog dare you!
What is your favorite Journey song? What a trip to the past this music is.
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Letting Go and Moving On
by Jonathan Hilton
Sometimes a change will come as quick as an Earthquake totally changing the landscape of your life. Other times changes happen so slowly as to be almost imperceptible to the observer. Yet no matter the time they take, change is constant, and powerful, like a river carves a great canyon where none existed before, change affects your life each and every day.
I say this because there have been many changes over the past year for me to absorb. Experiencing the events happening in my life right not is the easy part, but for me to actually let all of the past go, that has been the hard part. Yet all things do change and all things do eventually end.
Even though I know that there was an ending many years ago, I still kept a hope alive that in time there would be a reconciliation in some way. I always wanted to make sure that I was available, should this moment arise. This thought has been stopping me from living 
life to its fullest, and the change that is taking place is that it ends today.
This is no monumental feat or grand accomplishment, in fact to all other people it will mean nothing at all. Yet to me it is the ultimate in letting go. I have forgiven, I have understood, but I have never let go, and it is time that I did.
So when you look at the world today, looking up at the clear blue sky, or later tonight seeing the moon hanging in front of its pitch black canvas, understand that in a small way, the world is different today than it was yesterday and a very small part of that is because it was finally time to let go and say goodbye to yesterday and accept the promise of the future.
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David’s Dead
Part 1
David’s Dead
The anticipation of the voice at the other end of the line was immediately crushed as I heard the words, “David’s dead”. They were flatly spoken and yet the emotion behind them was calling for help. I had just turned 18 and was dealing with the end of high school, baseball season, a new relationship and looking forward to the rest of my life, but the largest lesson was taught to me with those words, ringing through the telephone. Paul was dead and my life would never be the same.
Kristie and I had been classmates all through high school and knew each other in passing. We really didn’t have a lot in common, she was very intelligent, and I was limited in the academic performance that was expected of me. She had just been accepted to attend Cornell University in the fall and I would be heading to a technical college. We just traveled in different circles. But as life will often do we noticed each other one day. In fact one of the first things I said to her directly was to ask Kristie if she would go to the prom with me. I was as smooth as sand paper and as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs but she said yes and that was the beginning of the most important experience in my young life.
As we spent time together it began clear to me that I must have been a total idiot to have missed this charming, beautiful and kind person for almost four years. It was April and I was having the best conversation of my life. It was the kind of talk that makes you not want it to end. There were no lulls and each revelation revealed was understood. I have experienced others which were as good, but honestly none that were any better than talking to Kristie Falls in April of 1985. I have no recollection of the topic of the conversation just that I looked into her blue eyes and was lost. I was quickly realizing that I had never been in love before.
It wasn’t long before I was spending all of my time looking for opportunities to spend time with her and we quickly became inseparable. It was the second week of April and we were on the cusp of April vacation, the last blast of freedom before the final quick sprint to graduation and moving on with our lives. The first Saturday night of vacation was the first chance for us to get together and for us to go out with all of our friends. The culture of the time, there were parties at different places, someone’s house if their parents were gone or if not, then at a local beach, or secluded pit. Needless to say the first Saturday of vacation was a good enough reason for most people in Maine to let loose. And there were several different parties scheduled for that night. I would have never imagined that the events of that evening April 13th, 1985 would be permanently embedded in my memory almost thirty years later.
This story is based on real events, the names have been changed, but the events are real. I hope you enjoy part 1.
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My Favorite Posts 2013
In the spirit of being grateful and letting go for the new year, I am looking back over the year of 2013 and choosing some of my favorite posts. It seems like many of these were written years ago not months ago but here they are.
- I’m Really Blue, are You? Written to check out the colors that associate with my personality. Fun post to write.
- Embrace your Inner Geek because we are all geeks in one form or another.
- My Core Beliefs because I still believe in them.
- The Darkness in the Mirror- I look in mirrors all the time.
- Everything you do Matters- because it does.
- My Next Step– Again an interpretive drawing exercise. I remember how much fun it was to do the drawings and read the interpretations. I wanted to reread it so that I could see how close it was.
- Like Monkeys Building Walls- I really found that I have a really like monkeys.
-
Are You Truly Living- Because I think it is an important thing to know.
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This Blog Must Die?
Please don’t call the police or start your own investigation, the murder that I am contemplating is not a crime and the only person that can complete it is me. I am deciding whether or not to let this blog go or not. I started this website five years ago and it has gone through several different looks, and titles over that time. The last 12 months or so, I have turned it into a personal blog and wrote thoughts that I needed to get out about life. Now I am at a crossroads and contemplating all directions.
Why It Means something
It is easy to come up with the reasons that I should keep it going. First, there are so many thoughts that I have expressed here that have been heartfelt and honest, that I have a hard time differentiating between the writing and myself. Secondly, through the writing on this blog, I have met many wonderful people all over the world. They are talented and many are of like mind to me. I worry those connections will be lost if I move to another location or stop blogging altogether.
The Motivation for Murder
There are several motivations for taking this blog out once and for all. The reason the crossroads is here right now is that I have a choice to renew my domain or to let it go. In the past, it was a no brainer that I would renew it and another year of fun was in store. This year after the inititial panic of feeling entitled to get it done, there was another feeling. This was a feeling of perhaps, this endeavor has reached an end and it is time to move in another direction.
Another reason is that many of the thoughts I have and the writing that I do, I feel are limited by being associated with my identity. I feel I am limited, when I write a point of view I hold back a bit because I don’t want to offend, although, if offense is the result of words, then I should allow that result. I think others, get the ability to write from an anonymous point of view which brings a freedom from the past and the parts of themselves that worry.
So there is a week to go before I make this choice. Continue and change the current site to be able to create better. Let it all go, and start over with another domain and website that will have a new genre, and create a writing personality who has more courage than me. Just stop writing all together. (Idle threat, I will never stop writing, but I want to put all ideas on the table). Or another step that reveals itself to me.
I would love suggestions and any advice at all on this subject as I clearly am in need of the voice of wiser and more experienced writers to help guide me.
The Truth seemed like an appropriate song for this decision.
Taking A Break.
Blogging Highs and Lows
The endless problems with blogging. No.1
What Is the Contemplation Stage?