I don’t know about you, but I have always wanted to have it all. I spent hours looking outside of myself to find the things I thought would make me whole. I didn’t see the things in my life where I did have it all and didn’t grasp it tight or even enjoy it at the moment because I spent too much time and energy looking ahead to what I might create in the future to see the power and the joy I created in life to enjoy. Looking back provides a 20/20 picture of what was and the mistakes you made in direction and choosing to take yourself out of a situation where you did have it all.

Childhood Adventure

Many people use their upbringing to excuse tough times and poor decisions as an adult, and admittedly I have done this when I look back at traumatic events. But what I failed to realize then was how good I had in life. I was raised by people who cared about me. I had the experience of having great lifelong friends and had many adventures on my own, which taught me a lot about myself and life.

I remember every summer of my youth being spent on the welcoming waters of Dyer’s Long Pond in Jefferson, Maine. It was there I learned to fish, swim, water ski, boat, and sometimes get hurt. Boys play hard and sometimes not so bright. I was able to develop my imagination during those times because we had little else to do. That tool has been one I have most appreciated over the years.

Each day was an adventure, and I was able to see my grandparents pretty much whenever I wanted. I could grow, run, and learn about life. I never went hungry or was left in unsafe circumstances. I was cared for by all my relatives and neighbors in my life. So many people showed me so much kindness that one thank you might be too small a sentiment to show my gratitude, but it is the only phrase I have. I had it all and never knew it.

Love and Light

I have been very fortunate in my life to find love not once but several times.  Like many great things, too often, you don’t take the time to appreciate what you have when you are in it. I have become much better at this because I have seen the things which seem perfect and destined to be, fall apart and fade away into dust clouds of regret and loss.

I am not bitter because this is my path. I have chosen it as much as anyone wants anything. I was responsible for the people I decided to care about and the way it ended in most cases. I have also been responsible for keeping myself at a distance to feel safe. I remember being a young man in my early 20’s and thinking I had met “the one.” It was magical, and we had many fantastic times together. It was me that sabotaged that relationship, not her. We were in a situation where we were young and had our entire future to co-create in front of us, and I was afraid and didn’t speak of it. I just let it destroy the thing we had built. We had it all, and I never saw it. Sadly that isn’t the only time that has happened. These events may have occurred long ago or just a while ago, but they leave deep scars—very extensive wounds.

In The End

We all live our lives the best we can and try to find the best versions of ourselves. Too often, let petty emotions like jealousy and anger stemming from fear rule our decisions. It may seem that everything you want is out there, somewhere. But it all starts inside of you. You are looking at how you think and the actions you take. You choose to be brave, intelligent, kind, caring, and empathetic, or you don’t. That is on you and will define your life. I know too much of my time has been spent being selfish, self-centered, and afraid of allowing others to hurt me.

Even though life has been full of mistakes and times we should have appreciated more, we are still here and have a chance to have it all again in the next moment. This time to allow the wisdom of our past to guide us to a genuine appreciation of what we do have and the realization that we do have it all. That is a pretty good way to live.

“Don’t worry about a thing, ’cause every little thing is gonna be alright!”– Bob Marley.

“Take a deep breath and relax; it’s all going to turn out better than you expected.”

“Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise again.”– Victor Hugo.

“Keep your best wishes close to your heart, and watch as your world turns around.”– Tony Deliso.