Tag Archives: attachment

22

Our Dashed Hopes and Expectations

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Disappointment – the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.

Things sometimes don’t work out the way you planned. Events occur in our lives, building up high expectations of what might happen, and when they come crumbling down and don’t work out the way you thought they might. Like many things, we have no control over some of the challenges we face, and we only have control over how we react to it. Disappointment is a part of life, and positive learning to deal with it is part of being a healthy, well-adjusted human being. It all starts with your thoughts, words, and actions around every disappointment you face.

Origin of Disappointments

Being disappointed comes when things don’t live up to our expectations. We all build attachments to scenarios we would like to see. When those things don’t happen the way we envisioned, our accessories are broken, disturbing, and upsetting. In our minds, this is a loss of something that we had already created through hope. A new job you were sure you would get, or the relationship you knew would never end, they disappear, and you are left with the pangs of disappointment. It has been happening this way throughout our lives, and we have learned to build up a system of protection against a blow.

It could have been something your parents did or something that happened in school or life somewhere, but when you were a kid, at some point, you got your hopes up and built attachments to the outcome you wished to see and were disappointed by the result. This disappointment caused you to build defenses against getting your expectations up or always expecting the worst. That way, you could never be let down, only pleasantly surprised if things worked out. You can answer honestly if this is still a pattern in your life now. Fear of being hurt, we never believe great things can happen. But they certainly can, if we can move past the attachment to something outside of us and look at the great things inside us.

Overcoming Disappointment

Life is an inconsistent experience. It loves you one minute and leaves you locked outside in the rain the next. We need to look for the hidden opportunities that come our way when things don’t work out the way we think or hope they should. For example, you apply for a job you think is perfect for you and give you all of the things you are looking for. You start building scenarios in your mind about it, and soon your attachments have you thinking it is your destiny and the most desirable outcome for you. Then you find out you don’t get the job.

The reasons you don’t get the job could have nothing to do with you. Somebody knew somebody. They were more experienced. They wanted someone older or younger or taller or from a different country. Whatever the reason, we often get so disappointed with not getting the job that we don’t see the opportunity sitting there. Now you can move on to find the place you do belong to. You may look somewhere else you would never have thought of, and in that place may lie your destiny. There is no sense of feeling bad for too long. Life is going to go on and give you the experiences you need. Learn your lessons, and keep looking for opportunities. They are always there waiting for you.

Don’t take things like this personally when they have very little to do with who you are.

Experience

The result of facing and overcoming disappointments in life is where experience comes from. Life is a game, and it continually puts you through situations to make you better at playing it. In the words of the Rolling Stones, “You can’t always get what you want, but you can get what you need.”  Most times, we are not the judge of what we need, and we will take the easy way, even though the more difficult choice may be best for our long-term wellness.

Some look at challenges as punishment and wallow in their disappointment. But those who find success are the ones who see the problem as an opportunity to grow, follow, and become the best version of themselves we should all be striving to become.

It will all begin with an increased awareness of our thoughts, words, and actions around the disappointments we face in life. Look for the opportunity for growth, and don’t take it personally. You can only control what you think, say, and do. Other people’s choices and actions are theirs. Let them deal with the result of not hiring the best person in the world for their job.

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.”~  Eliza Tabor 

“Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~ Unknown     

 

22

See Detachment

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Detachment is a word most don’t think of as leading to success, but we can practice a few things that will allow our goals, hopes, and dreams to turn into a reality for us. 

Detachment is the state of being objective or aloof, and it is challenging to maintain because we develop specific ideas about how we think things should go. We build a narrow-minded attachment to that outcome. Even when things work out, we can still feel the pangs of disappointment when things break our attachments if they are better than we hoped. Building detached feelings when we create goals that we care about allows all possibilities to become available to us. Letting go of past conditioning and allowing for things to develop in our lives to work best for all involved takes patience, understanding, and wisdom. Try to start looking at things in a detached, unemotional way. What does detachment look like?

Limits of Past Experience

Setting an intention for what you desire is the action that gets the process of creation in motion. The tricky part is not to form a specific attachment to how that thing comes into your life and a part of your reality.

These ideas create limitations on our experience and expectations of what we believe to be possible, and they eliminate all possibilities outside of our current knowledge base. Our attachment to the past is an attachment to our egoic mind, continually operating from a base of fear. Detachment shows faith in the process and allows influences you have never experienced before to enter your life.

Our past experiences are what they are. From the time we were born, we have been trying to piece together the actions we can take to bring desired, positive results. Fitting in, finding acceptance, and receiving kindness for just who we are. Bad habits and untruths can become a part of our belief system, limiting us. One negative experience can create a limiting belief that we may not question the rest of our lives. If you let the past dictate how you accept things in the present, new ideas and unexpected outcomes will have a hard time finding you. Be detached and allow all possibilities to come to you.

Detachment not Attachment

When you have thought of creating an attachment to a particular outcome, you limit the results you can experience. Growth is difficult. Create your intention, picture the result you desire, and then take the difficult step to let it go. By letting go of expectations, you show confidence in the true self inside of you. Learning to view goals, intentions, and desires with detached interest allows them to take the turns they need to come to you. Just like a flower needs no other help than you to plant it in the ground in a hospitable location, so do our intentions grow. Let them do their work.

Too often, we build an attachment to the outcome, there may be a more efficient way to accomplish what you want, but you feel that if you don’t personally control every step, something might go wrong. That is an attachment, making things more challenging to accomplish and taking longer than necessary. Detachment from the details of how a situation will arrive allows efficiency in the process, growth, power, and possibility.

Action Still Needed

Nothing in the world will happen without effort. You can act appropriately and still carry a conscious detachment to the process. Taking action and dictating the results are two different things. You can write a letter and send it and let it work its power, whatever that may be. You don’t have to deliver it to the Post Office. Your action sent it on its way, and the system takes care of the rest. Faith makes practicing detachment a skill that needs to grow in a successful person. Like all things with practice, it will become easier.

The most important thing is setting the intention that you genuinely want. Then take action to achieve the goal, which is wholehearted and complete. This type of energy will make finding the results you seek is much easier. It is a delicate balance to learn when to take action and let things play out as they should. But the only way to become a master of detachment is to take time and consciously practice being detached from specific outcomes and methods for bringing those things into your life.

Awareness of Detachment

To become detached means a person has to develop trust in the laws of life. Is there a greater force in life than us? Of course, the answer to that is up to each person. The fact is that the process exists and learning to desire and still step back and trust is challenging. Becoming aware of being detached from your intentions will allow you to grow as a person and in faith. It will give you one more weapon to bring what you desire into the world. Rather than trying to control everybody and everything (impossible), you can learn to take care of your part and let the rest fall as it must.

1. Choose what you want.

2. create it as a thought in your mind.

3. Imagine what that thing will feel like and look like in your life. 

4. Then release it. Let it happen. 

This option is always available to you in creating anything. There is a wise presence in understanding our limits and weakness, and all things are then open to you. The certainty of outcomes is a limiting box, limiting the creativity of the Universe to help you.

What would your life look like if you practiced detachment to pursue your goals?

“Detachment doesn’t mean I’m trying less hard. It just means that fears and emotions that used to torment and paralyze me longer have the same power over me.” Kelly Cultrone

“He who would be serene and pure needs but one thing, detachment.” Meister Eckhart

 “Detachment is not that you should own nothing. But that nothing should own you.” Ali ibn abi Talib

“The root of suffering is attachment.” Buddha

“Only in the stillness of detachment can the soul yield up her secrets.” Elsa Barker

“Detachment is an art of enjoying something while always being open to the possibility of losing it someday.” John B. Bejo

 

22

Let Go Of Everything

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 Let YOUR Attachments GO!

Buddhism contends that all suffering comes from clinging to a specific outcome or experience that leads to problems. We use our minds to create scenarios and methods, which is fine unless you have one particular scene in mind and something different happens. No matter how positive the outcome, it causes us to suffer because it isn’t how we imagined it. Today avoid clinging tightly to situations we are going to experience, possessions we have accumulated, or any outcomes we encounter.

Enjoy the Day

The present moment always has the potential for enjoyment and peace. But too often, we look at a moment and lament the missing things. It is too human to look at something great and complain about missing things. Big days, weddings, graduations, or other milestone moments have this potential. If you build them up so big in your mind, you become attached to this perfect image. One slight variance will cause pain because our attachment is being destroyed.

Let the situation be; the present moment is what it is. There may be rain on your wedding day. Your choice is to embrace it or reject it. To deny reality is delusional, and experiencing pain when happiness is correct is also unsound. Each day has the same challenge rolled up in it. Be angry and upset about what is not happening, or be happy and grateful for what is happening. Let go of the attachment you have built up in your mind.

Things are Things

People make a lot of money to create brainwashing advertisements that make you feel bad about yourself, so you will seek solace in purchasing a product you don’t need. Our attachment builds that we need things to be popular, happy, and essential. Things are just things, and they do not lead to long-lasting happiness. Our attachment to accumulating possessions to build up our feelings of self-worth is one of the main culprits of suffering because buying something to make you feel good about yourself is an unsound equation.

Buying things is not bad; it is the attachment to them and what they mean to your self-esteem that is unhealthy. Your worth is based on what is inside you, never what is outside. Look for your honesty, integrity, kindness, generosity, and love carried around on the inside, and that is where your worth comes from. Stop being manipulated into thinking a new car, house, or bike will solve all your problems. Building attachments to things outside of yourself cause pain and suffering because they are never enough in the end. Let go of the idea that things are what life is all about. Life is about experiences.

Be Open to How Things Work Out

All things in life are going to move down a path. We set intentions for what we want to accomplish, experience, and do. Then we become attached to the method to achieve these things. Even though we may need to learn something to become what we want or have other experiences to make us successful at what we want to be. We often get in our way because we can’t imagine making something we want to come into reality. That causes suffering. But the world has been working just fine for thousands and thousands of years. Life will put you where you need to go.

Then, the choice is to let go of your attachments to the method and achieve the goal. Take action in front of you today and enjoy doing it. Each yard you move down the field will lead to a touchdown, but enjoy the trip and do the work you need to do along the journey of life. It makes no sense to set a goal for something you would like to accomplish and then eliminate the experiences that will get you there. The good stuff makes life enjoyable—learning to experience joy in the daily moments we all have available to us. Let go of the attachment to how you think things should go and allow them to happen as they do. To fight against reality is a definition of crazy.

Take a moment today and look at the things you are doing. Are they for a bigger purpose? A new job? A race you will run? A wedding? Accumulation of wealth? Regardless, look at how you feel about it and honestly look at the attachments you have built up about the outcome. Are they rigid? What if you got what you wanted, but it came differently? Would you be OK with that? Or would you be angry? Look at what you are attached to today and practice letting them go. All we are guaranteed in life is this very moment. Learn to find joy in it.

 “Attachment is the source of all suffering.” Buddha

 “Attachment is another name of disappointment and pain. Vishal”

“Things are as they are; we suffer because we imagined different.” Anonymous

 “Accept what comes and allow it to leave when it’s time.” Anonymous

 

21

Lessons

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10891894_10152953817908518_7194032913393854931_nFrom time to time we all reflect on our experiences and try to bring some valuable experience from life. It is human nature to look back and reflect on the things that happened and to glean whatever helpful information we can from it. Many occasions and situations happened over the past year, which has given us a new experience or taught us a new lesson.  The year has certainly taught me many engaging lessons. It seems the older that I am, the more I learn, and I look forward to the new year with anticipation about all the things that I will know.  But before we move forward, let me look back at the year and the lessons it has taught me.

  1. Be for yourself- In all that you do, it is ok to look at the experience and determine what is going to be the best outcome for you. If you don’t look to your well-being, then nobody else is going to. Making sure that what you are experiencing is good for you and your future is not selfish. It is common sense. I have found that most situations are designed to work out in your favor, especially if one takes a moment to analyze it and see if it is ultimately for your greatest good.

2. People are Awesome-  Or at least they are if you give them the chance to be. At the end of each year, it is natural to look at the year and think of the people who have come into your life over the previous 12 months and the mark they have made on it. I have been very fortunate to have many incredible people touch my life and leave an indestructible, positive impact on me.  From all areas of life and places I hang around and write like Panera, my life has been altered and enhanced by each encounter. It affects everything from the music I enjoy to the understanding I have about others.

Often people enter your life much like the tide in the ocean. They roll in and cover an area, stay for the time they are intended, and then recede to their origins. Often the things that they leave behind on the beach of your life are pretty significant. Even though few people can remain in your life constantly forever, each leaves’ mark may have a lasting effect. They may make you smile when you think of them or force you to think of things differently.

I have been blessed this year by many tides, and the remnants of their presence will stay with me throughout life. I wonder how many people I will meet in the new year can say the same thing about. I can’t wait to find out.

3.  Living without Attachment- One of my problems is placing an unhealthy attachment to things.  I hope that I have learned how to be better at allowing things to happen as they are meant to and enjoying them for what they are, rather than being disappointed for what they are not. When I let life go, doing my part by setting goals and taking actions, each day brings an enjoyment that makes life a fantastic experience.

It doesn’t matter what you are doing; it will always be good if you appreciate what they are. There are sad things that happen, and you will not define those as “good,” but they are happening. If you learn something from them, then they are valuable. I do not know what the future is bringing, but I look forward to it all.

  1. Getting Healthy is Hard but Rewarding- I am sure that many have learned this lesson. As you reach the end of your rope and know it is time to take control of your health and fitness. No matter your goal, it can be challenging to get to the point you want to get to. Losing weight or just being healthier. The good news is that you will soon be reminded how good it feels to get a regular exercise period in your life. How happy it makes you and how much more you enjoy life because of it. I had the motivation to finally put all the excuses aside and start to get in better shape, and it has made my life a complete experience and has led to some daunting fitness goals in the new year. There is only one way to accomplish any fitness goal: one day at a time.

5. What you BELIEVE about yourself is a choice and can be changed as more information becomes available.

I learned that most people are running their lives based on the beliefs they established when they were very young. These beliefs were cultivated and developed because of the ideas of our parents, teachers, and things as distant as the media. Our beliefs about success, love, and money have been implanted in our minds, and most folks never manage to question these things.

You can change all of these beliefs about yourself at any time that you wish. It takes a simple recognition of your beliefs and how you would like to change them. Let your life experience dictate what you believe and not what someone else wanted you to think about yourself, your abilities, and how enjoyable your life experience is going to be.

6. Forgiveness is vital in moving forward in life. The most important person is that you need to forgive yourself. There is nobody else’s opinion that matters as much to you and your life experience as yours. All people have regrets and have made mistakes; it is OK. Let go of the guilt and make choices today that will honor you, and that is the only thing you can control. The past is gone, and it is never coming back, good or bad.

Once you truly forgive yourself, then I have found that forgiving others is a lot easier.  Forgiveness allows you to keep things in perspective, move forward with life, and enjoy what you experience without comparing or contrasting it to previous events. Happiness is a choice that often begins with the intention to forgive others and, most importantly yourself.

7. Being positive is a choice that you can make. Many people look at positive thinking in the wrong light, I think. It is not only looking on the bright side of things, but it includes how you perceive the world and its events. There is a natural and straightforward contrast to what we view as unfavorable, and how you think is always a choice. If you look at someone and judge them in a negative light, it is just as simple and healthier to accept them as they are. You are learning to practice substituting sympathy for cruelty, love for hate, generosity for greed, or hope for fear. All of these things are simple choices that you make in every situation.  Life will test you, and no matter how hard you try, there will be times when you fail and think things based on bias and prejudice. Each one of these situations provides you with the chance to grow and become a better person.

8. It’s OK to be Afraid

All people experience fear, and it is a natural part of life. How you deal with it is what is essential. Facing what you are afraid of head-on and honestly takes courage, and hopefully, I have developed this type of strength over the past year.  Fear of death, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of what other people think of you and what you do, etc., are all genuine. There is no weakness in feeling these things as long as you face them, overcome them and take actions that you know are right.  In many cases, it does take bravery to be yourself, but that is the only natural way to experience a happy life.

I look forward to the changes and opportunities that I will have to be a better person as I develop throughout the year. This is a very Good Thing.