There seem to be many layers of human behavior I can’t seem to grasp, in others and myself. Why we are not more honest is one of them. I was told once that all people lie at least once every day. I argued against that, but after analyzing my behavior, I can see that there are times we are all less than honest, despite one’s good intentions. They may be white lies not to hurt someone’s feelings, but an untruth is an untruth. So my hope is that after reading this, and thinking about our behavior, one will be conscious of how honest they are in thought, words, and actions every day of life.
White Lies
We must agree on the first honest thing is, “we are all experienced liars.” Everyone has done it for various reasons, but honesty about that is an excellent place to start. White lies are the “harmless” lies we tell others to avoid causing unnecessary pain. These fibs may be a good practice, but I would rather know the truth. When you lie in this fashion, you choose someone else, what they can deal with, and what information they need.
What is the limit when it comes to being dishonest? Where do you draw the line? Become conscious of your thoughts when it comes to honesty. Be aware of the words you choose and take action to be more honest in life. I believe that even moral wrongs are still wrong. Give people in your life the power to decide how to deal with things. That is how they will develop. It isn’t your responsibility to hide the truth in any way.
Deception and Perception
All you need to do is look at social media accounts, and you will see that everyone is very talented at crafting a story of their life. They want others to see. Many of our thoughts, words, and actions are less than honest because we show what we want the world to see. It is natural to want to shine the most favorable light on your life, but it is still not honest. The things we omit are still not accurate. What other people think doesn’t matter. It is all just a thought in your mind of fear.
What kind of world would this be if people were honest all the time? Most people are guarded in this way because we are afraid that we couldn’t be accepted if people knew the truth. In relationships, this is also true. We all “hide our crazy” initially because we fear that nobody could take us if they knew about the flaws. Yet, I argue it is the flaws that create the masterpiece, the uniqueness that is beautiful in its own right. People are afraid to be honest because some may reject them. Be realistic about who you are and what you think in thought, word, and action. Those who run from simple words or actions make your life better by leaving. Let them go.
Value of Truth
If you took all the money in the world away, what value do we each have? The amount of honesty we bring to the world is the highest currency there would be. There is comfort in being honest in life. If you do not accept lies from yourself, it is easy to spot them in others. How correct someone else decides to be is their karma and their problem. You can only worry about yourself and the level of honesty you bring to the world. I think that to be the best version of yourself, being honest about your actions and, more importantly, your feelings are a requirement.
Spend as little time possible worrying about how your thoughts, words, or actions will affect others or their perception of you and be concerned about being honest. In the end, your name is all that you have anyway. Focus on sincerity throughout the day. Make a note of anything less than truthful. Please correct it. See what happens.
The main reasons people don’t always tell the truth are:
Fear of harm: The most straightforward reason to understand why we lie is for self-protection, including self-deception, to prevent damage to ourselves. This harm can be either physical or mental.
Fear of conflict: To some degree, we all fear to argue.
Fear of punishment: When growing up, how often did we lie about how well we did in school or started fighting? How often do we cover up our mistakes and transgressions?
Fear of rejection: Sometimes, our insecurities are the foundation of why we lie to each other because we want to remain popular in our relationships. Typically, it is harmless boasting to make ourselves appear more admirable to other people.
Fear of loss: This is usually the loss of personal objects, such as money or expensive valuables. Greed is the foundation for this reason and can be found in us. We often lie to make ourselves more desirable to other people too. Most conventional, people lie for fear of alienating their significant other. Other times, when our self-esteem starts to decline, we even lie to ourselves as a means to prevent loss of morale.
Altruistic Reasons: We often lie to help our friends and loved ones. How often do we flattery someone to make them feel better? Or don’t tell the whole truth because we are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings? Telling something you don’t think is true to make them feel better is the only selfless reason we lie.
“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” -Thomas Jefferson
“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.” – Spencer Johnson
“Honest hearts produce honest actions.”- Brigham Young
All people bring happiness to your life, some when they enter and some when they leave. Some are probably a little bit of both. But it makes me wonder why some people are so favorable to you, and others are quite the opposite. One of the best answers to this question I have found is that in all relationships, all parties involved create an unspoken value with each other. Even though we don’t consciously know this, we have been making emotional deposits and withdrawals from every relationship we have ever had.
In short, the amount of trust you have with someone represents a high level of emotional currency in that relationship. You know that you are safe in your interactions with that person. What creates the feeling of safeness? I wanted to add a few examples of how you can understand how to add or take away from all of your relationships. Most people never think of this; look at your actions, and understand more about your contributions.
One of a Kind
No two people are the same, and understanding what is essential to
We are all unique and should be treated as such.
Someone and what is not and expressing that to someone is a great way to make a positive investment in a relationship. Seeing someone’s unique ability, talent, and contribution to the world and not projecting onto them what you wish to see is an excellent contribution to that emotional bank account. Understanding someone’s values is a great start. Be attentive to this aspect of everyone you know and deal with to become a more valuable person to them. Who values you? Nobody is just like you, and that is a great thing. It gives you the power to wield. See this in everyone, and your relationships will be better. Also, remember it about yourself.
See How Important Little Things Are
Small things are often ignored, but they shouldn’t be. It is through the little things in life that big things are created. That is particularly true in all interactions with people. A singular act of kindness can make a person’s day and allow all involved to feel positive. The same can be said for simple courtesies of being polite and speaking to others in a considerate manner. These small things can lead to big problems if you practice the opposite. One little unkind choice or inconsiderate act can make a massive withdrawal from the Emotional Bank Account. The small things build everything, and you choose those small things.
Do What You Say
If you take everything else away, money, property, surface attractiveness, all you are left with is your word. Do you do what you say? Or are you a hypocrite Saying one thing and doing another. Not following through with what you say is one of the quickest ways to cause an Emotional Bank Account to reach a negative balance. The building of trust is a slow and steady process, and you can wash all of that away in a quick moment of poor decision-making. Keep your commitments, be a person of your word, and your relationships will find a high balance in the account.
Be Clear About Expectations
Any person will have a hard time dealing with you if you don’t let them know clearly what your expectations are. Otherwise, people will act on guesses and please you based on ideas rather than facts. This causes many misunderstandings at the cost of more positive experiences, and a lack of communication can ruin even the relationship. Either a person isn’t sure of what they expect, or they are afraid to express what they want for fear of rejection or loss. Being honest is always the best approach because a person will either provide what you need or will not be interested in, in which case you know where you stand.
Be of High Character
Integrity is what you do when nobody is watching. This is your inner decency and character. Are you a person of substance? Or are you a person of deception and deceit? Your choices in action and even of thought will determine this in your life. We forget this when we deal with other people as if our ideas and activities are not connected to the way our relationships go. But character is one of the most significant deposits we make. If your integrity is high, you can be trusted, and people know what to expect from you. These are valuable deposits into the emotional bank account and painful withdrawals.
Be Sincere in Being Sorry
Be aware of your actions and how your behavior leads to withdrawals from these accounts between people. Nobody is perfect, and there will be times when misunderstandings are going to happen, and you will harm the emotional bank account of a relationship without meaning to. Open, honest communication is the cure here, and legitimately make a heartfelt apology for your behavior. There is no more you can do, be sincere and honest in your regret, and that will have to be enough. Sometimes it is the only way to apologize and start over.
I am looking at all of the relationships in my life and realizing how I have fallen short in many of them. I failed to provide even the simplest of these things to other parties. It is no wonder that I have struggled to develop positive, sturdy, and long-lasting relationships. I endeavor to do better, and I hope you do as well.
“A relationship where you can be weird together is your best choice.”- Paulo Coelho.
“Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.”- Charlotte Brontë.
“Treat everyone as if they were a guest in your own house because, in reality, they are a guest in your world.”- B. D. Schiers.
“Never ask, “Who is my real friend?” Ask, “Am I a real friend to somebody?” That is the right question.”- Osho
The number one goal of life for many people is to be happy. Most seek this outcome over all others, or they say being happy is what they want the result of their choices to be. I was making a little list of things that might turn the tide for you in the direction of happiness. My thoughts are going to lead you to a store of positive emotions. These will lead to the words you use, and all of this will lead to the actions you take, which will make you happy or not, depending on your mentality. Look at this advice and see if it will work for you today to provide you with a more joyful experience. Happiness always comes from within. Make your own within a happier place. The following is my advice to be followed or ignored as you see fit. It is the steps I try to take every day. I try.
1. Never Forget You Are Great
You Are Great!
Sometimes we make bad choices. Sometimes our learning experiences are not so pleasant. These are all just events happening outside of us and have nothing to do with who we are inside.
There is no goal that you can’t reach or success that you can’t attain if they are willing to be dedicated to getting there.
Don’t let what anyone else tells you, thinks about you, or acts toward you change the goals you feel in your heart are for you to accomplish. Sometimes your peers, your teachers, parents, or the world will tell you things that make you feel like you are not a great human soul with endless possibilities.
If they do, ignore them, they are just trying to bring you down. You can do anything; your light is perfect and doesn’t need to be adjusted because of others’ thoughts and ideas. Follow the flash of inspiration inside of you and create as it guides you.
Sometimes we forget this and accept less than we should from our experiences. If you clear all the rubble of life away, underneath, there is still a force of greatness. Never forget it is there, and you will find happiness.
2. Follow Your Passion
Always follow your passion.
I don’t care what you do in life, be a banker, a lawyer, a dancer, a carpenter, or whatever it is that makes you happy, but you must be the best you can when you follow that vocation.
Too many people choose a career because of what their parents or society thinks will provide a good living. Or it will be a safe and productive choice. This direction will make you end up in a career that is not fulfilling and ultimately leave you feeling unhappy in life.
When you choose what to do with your time, do what you are passionate about in your life. Choosing this path will allow your heart to expand, your mind to grow, and for you to come alive as a person. It is difficult to be unhappy when you are feeding your essence with creativity. Do what you have a calling to do.
3. Be Kind
You can either make someone’s day or provide a hurt that
Remember This!
May never heal. Kindness is free, contagious, and good for everybody. Look for ways to be kind to everyone you come in contact with today, including yourself. Understanding is infectious and has the side effect of happiness. You will make the world just a little bit better by being kind.
People in the world have forgotten how great they could be, and they spend a lot of time being miserable. Misery loves company, so they spend much of their time trying to make everyone else feel as bad about themselves as they do.
Please don’t pay any attention to this and recognize the actions for what they are. Being kind and understanding is not always easy, but it is still right.
Stay away from judging people and their behaviors because you will never know what experiences they have had.
Understand that there is greatness in everyone, and perhaps some people will never be able to reach their best, but you never know. Maybe your kind word or action will propel them to greatness.
It is a sure thing a selfish act or an unkind word or deed will never help anyone. Help people when you can. Be kind.
4. Be Patient
Patience is not an easy thing to practice. But not all things come instantly, and often the best stew takes a little time to cook. Understand that good things are coming to you if you want them and take action toward them. Just practice patience and enjoy each step of the journey. It is often the journey we will remember fondly as we look back on our triumphs.
There are a perfect time and a place for everything in your life. When you are a kid growing up, I understand there are a lot of pressures placed on
Be patient, and enjoy what life has for you today.
You to get older quicker, and you feel like you will be ready to make your own decisions, and you will have the opportunity to make many.
Be patient, don’t grow up too fast, enjoy being a kid as long as it is appropriate because you will never be able to go back.
No matter how it feels when you are in high school, good or bad, that is a concise part of your life, and it won’t define your life. It is just something that you have to go through. You may be popular, or you may not. In the end, it doesn’t make a difference in the type of individual you will grow into.
Treat people with goodness and strive to be true to your greatness. Be friends with all kinds of people because they will broaden your horizons and your perspectives on life. Growing up is an awkward, exciting time full of social learning and development, but it is only a few years of your experience, and it doesn’t amount to much. Take time to enjoy it, learn from it, and leave it behind when it is time. Be patient with yourself and your journey. One day you will look back and think wistfully of those days. Know you got the most out of them.
5. Think Outside the Box
Since you are a great human soul and able to accomplish anything you want, don’t let
Think outside the box
society puts you in a box and restrains your power in any way.
From the day you go to school, they will try to teach you how to think. Learn how to read, learn how to do the math, learn what they tell you about history, but never forget that you are free to think anyway that you want.
Think outside the box; all great things were accomplished outside of the box, not following someone else’s prescription for life.
Think creatively, and look for answers that nobody has ever thought of before. Be original in your thought, and you will find innovative solutions. The world needs much more of this than cookie-cutter responses that an educator believes to be correct. Don’t let them put you into a box; you are more significant than that!
6. Choose Friendship Wisely
Be friendly with everyone, and look for the good in them, but only allow those you can trust into friendship. Many people who were
Expect the best from yourself and little from others.
Apparently, friends will be nowhere to be found when the inevitable trouble hits your life.
There will be a few, though, who will stick with you no matter what, and those should be cherished and never forgotten. Nurture those relationships, give them time and effort because they are unique.
The older you get, the more these jewels will reveal themselves, and the false friends will fade away into yesterday.
Most people enter your life for a season because you need to learn something from them or let them learn something from you, and when that season ends, they or you move on. Enjoy the seasons and don’t turn them into anything other than what they are. People can raise you or drag you down, seek the former and avoid the latter.
7. Never be afraid to fail
In my life, I have noticed that I shy away from things that I am not sure about, and the reason is that I am so scared that I might fail or make a
No Fear For You!!!
Mistake.
Never be afraid to make a mistake or to fail. These failures or mistakes will only define the act, not the person committing them.
Often you will learn your most valuable lessons by trying new things, and when you fall short, you will have an opportunity for growth and understanding.
The problem comes when, as people, we take our failure personally and let it define us.
This label makes us not dare to try again because it hurts too much to fall short. Never let a misstep define you, decide, fail, learn, and try again.
Show your courage and character by not allowing your mistakes to destroy you and understand the valuable lessons you teach you.
You are great after all and will do great things; the lessons failure teaches you is most likely to help you move in that direction. You have unlimited possibilities.
8. Stay away from Organized Religion
Organized religion is designed to control people and earn money for specific organizations. God did not create everyone and then disregarded most of the population because they don’t go to the right church.
These are fear tactics meant to diminish God and the greatness within you. Understand that God is about love, and anything that teaches division in any way is not from God but humanity.
When humanity creates differences with labels, they try to make themselves feel right by calling the other wrong. All are right if they are based on love; all are wrong that is based on fear.
9. Follow your Heart
When it comes to decision making, rely on your heart to decide on all other factors. Your head will think logically and weigh many options; your emotions will pull you in one direction or another, usually based on what will benefit you solely.
Let all of those factors pass by and make your decisions from your heart, and you will make the right choice, and nothing is more important than that. Learn all you can about the situation and do what your heart tells you is correct.
This correct action will be true in big and little things. As you develop this skill, there are bound to be mistakes made. Wisdom is not gained in a day, but use the errors to hone the ability not to go another way.
10. Be Honest
We make many mistakes, but always be honest about ourselves and accept the consequences of them.
A person will judge you based on your word, and if you often tell lies, your credibility will be gone, and it is not quickly gained back. Tell the truth in all things, be honest, and life will work much easier for you.
11. Accept Help
Because people are independent, oftentimes, they will need help but won’t ask for it because they don’t want to be a burden or are afraid they will look weak.
Never be afraid to ask for help if you need it, you don’t know everything as high as you are, and it may be that the person you ask for help will benefit as much from rendering the advice as you will from receiving it. Be as willing to accept it as you are to give it.
12. Love over Fear
Every emotion and thought you have will come from one of two branches of the tree of life, and they are fear and love.
Fear will make you feel angry, sad, mad, jealous, or any other negative feeling, whereas love, happiness, patience, flexibility, understanding all stem from desire. Those are the thoughts and feelings that allow you to enjoy life as you are living it.
It is a choice which branch of the tree you spend your time on, spend it on love, and you will find life quite a pleasant experience, or spend it on fear, and you will most likely be unhappy.
I can give you and urge upon you all of this advice, but the beauty of this game called life is that you have to play it for yourself and find out the joys and wonder that awaits you. I can’t do it for you or take away all the risk because my game is different from yours. It all starts with your thoughts, which lead to your emotions, words, and actions. Advice is a way to make sense of and provide value to our own experience.
“Advice is like snow – the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind.”- Samuel Taylor Coleridge.
“Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.”- Harper Lee
“I think that’s the single best piece of advice: constantly think about how you could be doing things better and questioning yourself.”- Elon Musk
“Know when to hold ’em, Know when to fold ’em. Know when to walk away, know when to run.”- Kenny Rogers.
Things To Consider When Creating a Positive Mindset
Every word we use has an energy attached to it and impacts the lives of all that hear it. Too often, we use our words without consideration of how they will affect others. Words are the building blocks used to build our mindset, either positive or negative. Our words radiate around and within us long after they are spoken. All people must be vigilant in noticing the charge of our words and their thoughts. Focusing on speaking positively will allow us to create a more positive mindset. This will make life a happier and more enjoyable experience.
Positive Mindset Musts
The most negative words that are used at some point by everyone are those of gossip. Gossip has the power to draw almost anyone in and drag them down as well. Gossip is attractive because it allows people to feel included in a secret group of thoughts that only the group currently gossiping knows. It allows someone the opportunity to judge someone, their actions, and their lives without knowing anything as a fact. Gossiping leads to many problems and lessens your life. The most important drawback is the negative energy you generate in your life.
When you participate in talking about others and their lives when they are not present, you increase your life’s negative energy. You are spreading rumors, speaking about things that are at best half-true and worst outright lies. This sticks with you and will stay with you. If you are speaking with people who thrive on gossip, guess who they are talking about when you leave the room?
Each time you speak negatively about someone else’s life, you are diminishing your own life. You destroy your integrity. Our behavior tells the world what we are and our actions define and accentuate that. When you participate in negative talk like this, then your life will be decidedly negative. It is difficult to experience happiness when we are constantly looking at and talking about others’ negativity.
How to Speak Positively
The great thing is that we all have a choice about how we speak and the things that we speak about. It starts by paying attention and making good choices, creating a positive mindset. The simple way to manage your words is to be consciously aware of all the words you use and what energy they bring.
Learn to T.H.I.N.K. about what you are going to say, and this little acronym will allow you to look at all of the things you say to yourself and others. Use this before you say anything about anything, and it will allow you to speak more positively about yourself and others, which will make your energy and life more positive.
T- Is it true? That is a significant factor in speaking about you or someone else. If it isn’t true, don’t say it.
H- Is it helpful? If you are about to say something that is not helpful, then choose not to say it.
I – Does it Inspire confidence? If you are about to say something that does not inspire confidence in yourself or others, you should choose not to say it.
N – Is it Necessary? This is important to consider as we speak. Often the answer is no. A thought is not worth expressing through your words.
K – Is it Kind? One of the most important considerations that we should consider when looking at the way we speak about others and ourselves. Speaking with kindness is positive and builds positive energy around yourself and others.
By following this simple guide and evaluating your thoughts, and being mindful of the words you speak, you can make your life and the lives of those around you exponentially happier by developing a positive mindset.
There seem to be many layers of human behavior I can’t seem to grasp, in others and myself. Why we are not more honest is one of them. I was told once that all people lie at least once every day. I argued against that, but after analyzing my behavior, I can see that there are times we are all less than honest, despite one’s good intentions. They may be white lies not to hurt someone’s feelings, but an untruth is an untruth. So my hope is that after reading this, and thinking about our behavior, one will be conscious of how honest they are in thought, words, and actions every day of life.
causing unnecessary pain. These fibs may be a good practice, but I would rather know the truth. When you lie in this fashion, you choose someone else, what they can deal with, and what information they need.
everyone is very talented at crafting a story of their life. They want others to see. Many of our thoughts, words, and actions are less than honest because we show what we want the world to see. It is natural to want to shine the most favorable light on your life, but it is still not honest. The things we omit are still not accurate. What other people think doesn’t matter. It is all just a thought in your mind of fear.
from yourself, it is easy to spot them in others. How correct someone else decides to be is their karma and their problem. You can only worry about yourself and the level of honesty you bring to the world. I think that to be the best version of yourself, being honest about your actions and, more importantly, your feelings are a requirement.
