Tag Archives: be understanding

21

Miserable

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unhappy 1It seems like some people have just decided to be miserable with their lives. There are several sure-fire behaviors that we can all choose which are guaranteed to make you carry a negative attitude in your life, give you less happiness and cause your negative emotions to dominate your days. Practice these things, and you are guaranteed to be unhappy.  Be careful because happiness will always seek a way into your life. We all have an inner desire to find happiness, so if you are not there right now, understand that probably many of these things are being practiced, and it is time you rethink your conscious thought choices.  Do the following things, and you will join the ranks of the negative. Do the opposite, and you will find fulfillment in life.

Be Mean to Others

A great place to start is to make sure that you are mean to other people. Most people are mean and accepting of others because we see faults in them that unhappy 2we see and dislike in ourselves. So look at what you dislike about yourself, recognize it in someone else, and be mean to them. Gossip about them, name call and discriminate if you can.

Never learn to accept your flaws because being mean to others is virtually impossible when this happens. Once you start to show kindness, your urge to be kind will grow. Soon kindness will outshine any mean thought, and you will be accepting of others and yourself. Happiness is an uncontrollable byproduct of this situation, so beware.

Be Selfish

Whatever you do, worry about yourself only. Let’s face unhapy 5it, and you are the only one that matters. Everyone else only matters as much as they contribute to the value of your life. If they can’t help you, forget them and find “friends” who will be able to advance your career and wealth in some way.  Never put another person first or care what makes others happy.

If you should start putting other people first, then your life would quickly become a happy experience. So be vigilant that this never happens. Once a person starts to give to others, it can grow into a habit. Giving is a precursor to receiving, so if you give love, you will also receive it. It is almost impossible to be unhappy when you get kindness and love from others, so be vigilant. Each day is a new opportunity to be kind.

Be Ungrateful

Never be grateful for anything in your life. unhapy 4Gratitude is a compelling thing and can make you smile, feel good, and be uncontrollably happy.

The funny thing is that if you allow a little gratitude for something, it will invite more of that very thing into your life. Soon you will be smiling all the time and happy without even realizing it. So make sure to be ungrateful to maintain a solid level of unhappiness in your life.

Send Hate

For no real reason other than you are completely miserable, send hate out to everyone and everything. That is sure to make you very unhappy. Be careful, though, because there will always be people who are going to want to love you despite all of your flaws.

Love is a potent emotion, and once you start to allow it in your life, it will tend to grow. Soon before you know it, you won’t even be able to fathom how you ever hated anything. You will start to care about people, and happiness will be the unstoppable result. You will send love to all people, and the momentum in your life will be moving toward uncontrollable, unstoppable, and unimaginable happiness.  Who would want that?

Wallow in Self Pity

unhappy 3Finally, one of the best ways to build and maintain unhappiness is to continually feel sorry for yourself and blame all circumstances and other people for any misfortune in your life, real or perceived. Always ask the question, “Why me?” or “Why do these things always happen to me?”. Never accept responsibility for your actions.

Be careful here because once people stop feeling sorry for themselves, they could find uncontrollable happiness in their lives. You will recognize this possibility when you start looking for solutions rather than wallowing in the past or letting challenges overwhelm you.  Once you get past the why me mentality, happiness is easy to attain and hard to get rid of, so be very careful about putting the past behind you. It will make your life better.

Complain……………..A Lot

Nothing makes a person as unhappy as unlimited complaining.  Be unhappy about everything and share it with anyone you come in contact with.  Never let any positive words pass your lips. Even when good things happen, complain about them.  Not only will you be unhappy, but everyone around you will be unhappy too! It is a win-win.

The danger here is that some people will begin to use positive thinking. They will look at the good side of any situation, and that will definitely make them happy. When you speak with positive energy, you spread positive energy. So your positive talk can spread just as quickly as the complaining. Soon everyone you know will be happier, and it will all be your fault. Watch out for positive thinking, and it will make your life a happier experience.

As you can see from these examples that it is easy to make yourself unhappy if you want to. It seems like many people  I run into daily don’t need my advice in this area. Remember, it takes just as much effort to choose to be happy as it does to be unhappy, so choose your actions and thoughts wisely.

 

21

Not Fair

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fair lifeIf I have heard it once, I have heard it a thousand times. “Life is not fair.” I have listened to family members, friends, politicians, and even myself on more than one occasion.  I am here to tell you today this statement is the biggest false cliché, defeatist statement that a person can listen to or accept. Once you accept that other factors are in control of your happiness, guess what, they are.  Many times we don’t have any choice about what happens to us. We have 100% decisions about how we choose to react to things.  Life is very fair, and here is why.

Perspectives of Pain and Suffering

painful experiencesWhen a person says life isn’t fair, they don’t really mean it. What they mean is, I am going through something less than pleasant, annoying, or downright heart-wrenching, and I prefer it when others experience this stuff, not me. But we all know these feelings are a part of life.  I often wish the people I have known were kinder of heart, more intelligent, or just better people, but all the wishing in the world won’t change the past, a situation, or the mindset or actions of people from your past.

Life is so fair that it continually puts things on our plates that challenge who we are, what we believe, where we are going, and who we are doing these things with.  It is difficult to take a broad view when the storm is raining directly on you.  I have been in that storm and felt like each drop was directly meant to hit and hurt me. It isn’t. Having someone disregard you and your feelings are difficult to handle, but when you allow it to play out, you most often end up better off than you were in the situation you are all broken up about.  A relationship ends, you move on to something better. You have to allow it.

I think everyone eventually asks the question, Why me?  The answer is that you are human, and all people experience challenges, and they are sometimes easy to deal with, and sometimes they rock your life down to its very foundation.  No matter how calm and perfect their life seems on the surface, every person in the world is faced with challenges. It is these challenges that often drive us toward our biggest growth.  Otherwise, life would be quite boring. Life is very fair as we are all allowed to participate in uncomfortable things equally.

Step back. When you plug your experience into the giant map of things, perhaps you will find that the tragedy you have suffered is going to make you a better person or take you somewhere you would never have gone.  Or led to the development of talents and skills within you that otherwise would have been hidden from yourself and the world.

Don’t Evaluate the Pain of Others.

monkey barsAnother way life seems unfair to some people is that when you compare your life with someone else, it often seems like they have things much better than you, or they have it so much easier than you.  Stop that. It is a fantasy in your own mind—a monstrous waste of time and effort.  Being jealous of someone else does nothing to change your experience.  All people have experienced challenges, all of them.  Money doesn’t make happiness. If it did, there would be no need for therapists.

The only person you can control is yourself, so worry about being the best person you can be and understand the principle of fairness that makes everyone equal in their suffering. You can’t possibly understand what was happening in someone’s life. They may look like they have it all handled on the surface, but underneath, there is a very flawed person with unhappy, contentious thoughts. Pain is not something people wear on the outside very often.  We all have challenges and experience suffering of some kind.  It is how we deal with things that truly defines us.

Why Bad things Happen

Dali lameThere is no way that I can step back far enough to understand why tragically bad things happen.  It just isn’t possible. However, I believe that just like people, tragedy enters your life for a reason, most often to teach you something.  The problem is that the knee-jerk reaction to most bad things is a healthy fear of whatever has happened.

I think that this is the opposite of what should happen. The initial reaction should be one of love.  Why?  Love brings light into the darkness.  Love can change circumstances where fear merely exacerbates them.  There is no way to understand a tragic loss of life or a promising life cut short by accident or disease.  However, there is always a choice in how you react to these things. Perhaps that is the reason.

Life is funny, and I can’t even pretend to understand all of the secrets to existence and being happy.  I do know that adopting a victim mentality of any sort isn’t going to help anyone move forward, only stay right where you are, usually in misery.

Life is very fair about this.