It would seem by this moment in my life, I would have a deeper understanding of what it means to be mature and to develop the skills of that maturity consciously.  I hope someday to be a thoughtful and contributing member of society, but it is a process, and until you become self-aware of where you are, it isn’t easy to see where you need to go. There are choices you make in your day-to-day life, which display your level of maturity or not. The purpose of this little writing is to allow you the opportunity to self-evaluate where you are at, where you want to go and how your current level of maturity is affecting your life in the present moment.  At the end of it all, you are responsible for your choices. The reasons behind the decisions you make will define how you work.

To Teach and be Taught

We often move through life and face situations where we think of the best way to react.  If you see someone going through an awkward situation, maturity will make you want to help someone else weather the storm you once weathered.  There are lessons you learned and the power you developed which have helped you and might help someone else make their way through a difficult time.  Maturity allows you to see the opportunity and understand when a person is open, receptive, and appreciative of the help you can offer and then offer it.

Seeing someone who is in a hole and understanding their predicament is the first step. Choosing to jump into that hole with someone and teach them lessons allows your own experiences in facing challenges to be relevant. It shows good character and personal strength to escape. Whether that person succeeds in moving on will reflect on their growth and integrity.  All you can do is offer the knowledge in a mature, responsible way. Then it is up to each individual if they sit in a hole and feel sorry for themselves or work to move out. Onward and upward.

Self-Evaluation over Criticism

It is effortless to look at the things which don’t work out and nitpick everything you could have done better. If you had known how the ending would be, you would have turned left instead of right. You would never have trusted that person. You would have evaluated things differently with a more critical eye. But that isn’t how life works, and to play, Monday morning quarterback with each decision you have gone wrong on is wasting the opportunity for growth and learning.  Life will keep teaching you the exact lesson until you learn what you need to. A person needs to evaluate each excruciating experience beyond the moment’s emotion.

That is maturity. To be able to sit back after some time passes and see where you went wrong, and what was precisely your fault and what was not. This evaluation will allow you to become a higher functioning human being and learn what you can from this situation.  The hope is you will never have to experience it again and become a wiser soul for the trouble. Life will continually present you with challenges; how you choose to deal with them is up to you. I know that when the pain is raw in the heat of the moment, and you have not recognized or let go of your attachments, it is impossible to have a mature, thoughtful understanding of things. Let’s sit for a bit and simmer and then react in an emotionally sound and mentally well-thought-out way. The hasty reaction will most often lead to more problems.

Truth Is More Important than Feelings

That leads us to the facts. What is the truth in any situation?  Are your reactions grounded in honesty and authenticity, or are they being ruled by emotions? There are no great training courses for dealing with feelings and understanding where they originate.  Each thought we entertain is going to have a passion attached to it.   Emotions cause us to react to find the balance we seek.  To understand why we react. Learning this is vital to becoming a mature person.  Our reactions are often not based on truth but result from some subconscious programming we have taken on from our life experiences.  If something is unconscious, you don’t react to the situation’s truth, but the feelings the situation causes you to feel. Emotions of past painful moments will warn of danger now. That is a pretty complicated way to live. It is nearly impossible to build a positive and healthy relationship with someone else if you aren’t dealing with or understanding the river of emotion flowing through you all the time.  Please take a moment and look at your feelings and ask yourself where they are originating. Understanding the origin of your emotions will help you contribute better to your life and the lives of those around you.  To live through unexplored emotional responses will make you difficult to impossible to live with, and a “real,” quality relationship is unlikely to create and build in your life.  Learn to develop emotional intelligence that can educate you and help you understand all of your emotional responses. The links you save will be your own.

Responsibility the Key

In all things, develop liability for your actions and your inactions. The definition of our lives will come from this one ability. Too often, it is easy to shift the blame onto other people, circumstances, or fate. Doing this takes your ability to control your own life.  Let’s face it, many things in life will happen, and we can’t do anything to stop them. But we can always control our reactions to everything.  Exercising this power starts with a clear focus on who is responsible for your life.  Is it the person who ended a relationship with you?  Or is it you because you were too invested in a person who was not a match for you?  All challenges, even the painful ones, teach lessons.

I hope to develop into a mature, decisive, consistent, and strong individual who contributes to the lives of the people in my life and society. 

“Maturity is that time when the mirrors in our mind turn to windows and instead of seeing the reflection of ourselves, we see others.” unknown.

“Maturity is a high price to pay for growing up.”  Tom Stoppard

“Maturity is the ability to think, speak, and act your feelings within the bounds of dignity. The measure of your maturity is how spiritual you become during the midst of your frustrations.” –  Samuel Ullman.

“Maturity knows when to be immature.”  Randall Hall