Tag Archives: Choices

21

Suffering

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It was pointed out to me today there is a slight misconception about my perspective of life. I write about my philosophy, which is one of self-improvement. Some seem to miss life is full of challenges that cause suffering in my experience virtually every day. In the past, I had fewer tools in my toolbox to deal with them, but I have dedicated myself over the past ten years to become better at handling these learning moments and being able to have a more productive and enjoyable life. To be clear, I am not happy all the time. In fact, over the past year, I would suggest there was a lot more “unhappy” in my emotional vault. But the hope is that I am not stuck with the suffering. I can overcome it, learn a lesson, and become a better person because of it. You can make conscious choices, which will allow you to find meaning in life and even enjoy the process if you open your mind to them. These are the processes I am writing about, not a “pie in the sky” ode to unconditional happiness. Here is what I have learned.

I am Responsible

Every person in the world makes a thousand decisions during each day we live. We decide everything from which clothes to wear to treating a rude person we stand in line next to at the bank. My life is no different. I make many decisions and try to make them with honesty and integrity at each moment. I don’t always make the best choices. Sometimes I eat things I shouldn’t. Sometimes I say the wrong something at the wrong time. There are even days I run a red light if nobody is around. But the one thing I always am is responsible for my choices in every way.

If I am not reaching my body weight goals because I choose to eat things not healthy for me, it is because of my poor decision. I can’t blame the food or the time of day I felt weak. Or the fact that I was feeling down because something negative occurred. No, I alone am responsible for the choices and have to accept the consequences. It is my responsibility, even if my favorites don’t bring the most desirable results. Sadness, regret, worry, anger, and other negative emotions are a part of life. But I think many don’t read here that it is your most important choice of how you choose to deal with them. You can allow them to make you bitter and angry, or you can want to learn, develop, and become a better person. I hope that the better person is the result of my suffering.

We are Not Supposed to Be Anything

The idea we are supposed to be happy all the time is unrealistic for anyone. Some may think we are supposed to feel joy and wonder about our situations, but that isn’t realistic. I have written many times that happiness is a choice, and I believe it is, but that doesn’t mean you walk around with blinders to the weak treatment others send your way or the poor feelings about yourself and the job you lost, or the disappointment you feel. I know there is no “right” way to feel at any moment.

We are not supposed to be happy, joyous, intelligent, winning, sad, disappointed, or angry. All people will, at some point, have to deal with all of these emotions, and they will do to you what you allow them to do. The thing is that how you choose to deal with them is your personal choice, and I have had to do this continually throughout my life. Do I get bitter because someone was dishonest with me? Do I carry a hatred inside for someone who has harmed me? It would be easy to do sometimes, but it wouldn’t represent the kind of person I strive to be. That is why I write about things like the power of forgiveness, how fear affects us, guilt, and dealing with our emotions. Not to discount the negative things we all deal with but to provide a path for hope for something better. It is a choice we all make for ourselves every day. There is nothing you have to be to be healthy. Just be yourself.

Darkness Walks with Light

I have thought of the events the past year has brought over and over again. It amazes me to see the balance of dark and light in my life. If you look at the people who have entered my life, left my life, and just influenced me, there is a positive balance between light, which was enjoyable, and darkness, which, of course, was not. Moments of joy, wonder, understanding, caring, and love found a check from equal moments of pain, disappointment, fear, anger, and disillusionment. It makes you wonder if the light is worth it that maybe we should live in a shady area in between where there are no great things but no horrible things either.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t work without contrast. Darkness provides a method of accomplishment; light never could. My experience with night has driven me to seek harder for the light and accomplish what before would have been impossible. The sun makes you get comfortable, like a beautiful warm blanket. It envelopes you and makes you never change. Change is inevitable and constant, so those things don’t go together. I had to learn to lift the blanket, forget the warmth, and dive into the cold of the darkness. This challenge is not something I write about often because the real lesson isn’t to embrace the difficult but to keep moving forward and maintain a sense of hope for the future. Find dignity in life despite things not being comfortable. The desire is there is more light in your future, and positive choices at this moment might help bring that about.

Being My Best

In the final analysis, I look at the idea that writing about being at peace and understanding that there is happiness in life available all the time is not a weakness or, worse unrealistic. A person can choose to look at their circumstances and see the problems. They can also look at the general state of chaos in the world and feel a sense of despair. But what will all that negativity in the costume of reality bring you? I am not powerful enough a person to solve all of the world’s problems, or even to make anyone else’s life better if they choose not to want that but………. I can make some other choices.

There are small things I can do every day to make my little part of the world better. Make simple choices to treat people with respect, kindness, and caring in day-to-day interactions. To try not to put any difficulty on people that have value to you. I strive to become the best person and succeed in life, equal to my talent and ability. To raise and fall in life and on the journey to my destiny to experience happiness. Joy is a choice I am making, proudly and thoroughly, and I hope that the great people I know have the strength to feel pleasure.

“Suffering is part of our training program for becoming wise.” ~Ram Dass

“Suffering by nature or chance never seems so painful as suffering inflicted on us by the arbitrary will of another.” Arthur Schopenhauer

“Suffering is but another name for the teaching of experience, which is the parent of instruction and the schoolmaster of life. “Horace

 

“Suffering is a corrective to point out a lesson which by other means we have failed to grasp, and never can it be eradicated until that lesson is learnt.” Edward Bach

“It is by suffering that human beings become angels.” Victor Hugo

“Suffering is the positive element in this world. Indeed it is the only link between this world and the positive.” Franz Kafka

“It’s at the borders of pain and suffering that the men are separated from the boys.” Emil Zatopek

“When suffering comes, we yearn for some sign from God, forgetting we have just had one. “Mignon McLaughlin

21

Playing It

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Play- engage in an activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose.

playLife often seems to be a somber and practical experience, making people miss the truth behind it. Life is a game, and once you accept that and learn how to play it, it will become a much more enjoyable and recreational experience.  Like any game, there are challenges to overcome and strategies to implement.  Most people never realize this is the case. They spend their life soberly moving from one square to the next,  regretting moves they made in the past or fretting over challenges that may come tomorrow.  Life is a game that is played in the now because that is all you are guaranteed.  Never forget to play with passion as you move through life, and it starts with an awareness of this game happening right under your nose, with your thoughts, words, and actions.  

Enjoy The Game

We are all born into this game, I don’t think we asked for it,  but here we are.  Like all games, you can see players using different strategies to get maximum enjoyment with minimal effort.  Some play a social game as they move around the board, and others choose to be the lone wolf.  All of us are trying Playto move through the board and find the prize of peace and contentment. It seems that the players that enjoy every experience, every move are the ones that benefit the most.

There are many truths to the game of life. Who you choose to play with will determine how well you play and how much you enjoy the experience. Some have the intention of not wanting any part of the game.  These negative souls see every changing move as a problem and a potential for pain. Avoid these players at all costs because they will make the game miserable for everyone they contact in their sport.  Spend your time with people who love the game, and it will be easy to enjoy too.

Limits to Avoid

In the game of life, there are some things to avoid as you play.  One of the most important is to avoid worrying about what other people think of your moves around the board. They may tell you that you look silly or that your playstrategy will never work, or they may say they have a better plan.  Let these reservations of others slide right off you. You are the only person who can play your game, and life provides you with many lessons that will assist you in reaching the goals of happiness and contentment.  Anyone being critical of your play is probably sliding backward themselves or can’t seek the imagination it takes to move forward. Avoid listening to what others think of you. The responsibility for your play lies with you alone.

The second thing to avoid is becoming too confident in the way you play.  Life has many penalties for overconfidence, and none of them are pleasant. Be assured, but never stop being grateful for where you are and what you have in this game. That will keep you grounded and avoid the big falls that pride can bring.  You will never figure the whole match out; nobody does.  But you can learn through playing to the end all that you need to know. Gratitude is an essential fuel for the game, play it consistently and generously, and it will take you a long way.

Finally, avoid fear as you move around the game. It is natural if you are in a “good” spot on the board to stay there. But life is a running game and never stands still; one of the specific rules is that you have to keep moving and changing. Change is life, and accepting change is accepting life.   Some call this scary. Others call this opportunity.  Call it a chance because it doesn’t matter if you like it or not; that is what will happen. Things will change, and you will have to roll the dice again or spin the wheel and take the moves in front of you.  Do not be afraid. Be confident that whatever lies ahead, you will have the ability to play through it and move on to even a better level. Each challenge of the game is an opportunity for growth. Play the game and grow!

Winning the Game

Well, here is the sad truth. There is no winning the game. There is only one playing it.  The choices that you make on the way define your play and will playdetermine the experience you have. The most crucial factor in realizing is that you have a choice. Maybe not with what the game brings you but in how you react to those experiences. These are the most important decisions you can make because they will determine if the skills you have move you forward or backward in the game.  Are you climbing a ladder or sliding down a chute back to where you started?

Try not to play the victim and complain about everything.  All challenges bring with them an opportunity. To be better or accomplish something. If you choose not to take advantage of that because of grief for what has gone or fear of what might come, then take responsibility for it.  Because in the game of life, you are responsible for how you play. You and you alone.

PLAY TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY.  That is winning the game and will allow you to get the most out of it.  We have little control over when it will end but total control over the choices we make while we play. Raise your awareness of the play with your thoughts, words, and actions. Remember, none of us will get out of here alive. 

“Life is a game, and you are the player. As you master the game, so you also create it.” ― Jay Woodman.

“The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds, and words come back to us with astounding accuracy.” ~Florence Scovel Shinn

 

 

 

21

EVERYTHING

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Everything- all things, all the things of a group or class.

I have found this one fact pervasive throughout my life, EVERYTHING we do matters when it comes to our happiness and enjoyment of life.

Every decision that you make every day of your life contributes to the essence of your existence.  Each choice you make to support someone or knock them down will be reflected in your own experience.  Through my young adulthood, I never realized this. I was too worried about my existence to put much concern into the lives of others. That was a mistake and one I don’t want you to make. It all starts with a constant awareness of the thoughts you are entertaining, the corresponding emotions they cause you to experience, the words you use, and the actions you take because of them.  Everything you think, feel, say, and do matters to your existence. So choose them wisely.

Choice consists of the mental process of judging the merits of multiple options and selecting one of them.

Your Choices Count All The Time

Every day, you are faced with a thousand choices, from what you eat to where you go or your thoughts about them.  One of the most Everythingimportant decisions is how you treat other people and how you treat yourself.  Many of these decisions happen with little thought at all,  but you should be aware that each choice you make defines the substance that is you.

Your energy is a compilation of these decisions, you can keep them to yourself and not tell anyone else about them, and they will still be a part of you as clearly as if you wore a scarlet letter on your forehead.  Due to this fact, it is significant that you understand there are no small choices; they are all big choices and will help determine what types of things you will attract to your life.

Decisions On the Job

all decisions are important
What do you do at the fork in the road?

When you go to work at whatever job you are performing,  you will always have choices, which will help determine how much you will enjoy that experience. And, more importantly, what kind of person you are going to be.

It doesn’t matter if you are digging ditches or splitting atoms. The choices you make will determine your success and value at that job and in life.   Everything all starts with your attitude.  Your attitude is the most significant decision you make about your work and, more importantly, your life.

If you continuously focus on how much you hate your job, it only stands to reason that you will struggle with it.  That is your choice. If you approach the crappiest job in the world like it is the sweetest thing you have ever done, then you are not accepting that job as your end-all.  You are displaying that you are a trustworthy person with unlimited potential. If you knew someone digging ditches for a living, and they approached it with responsibility and a positive attitude, wouldn’t any boss anywhere want that person around all the time?

Wouldn’t they actively look for places that would use that individual’s talent to the best of their ability?  The answer is, of course, they would. But more importantly, wouldn’t that person be looking for situations that would use their talents better and provide more satisfaction. Only you control your attitude at work or anywhere else — everything you do matters.

Choices about Your Friends

Every Thought Counts
Choose Them Wisely

The people that you spend the most time with will have a significant influence on you. If you crave adventure, find adventurous friends. If you enjoy thought-provoking debate, seek out friends that enjoy that as well. Decide what you want to experience in life and spend time with people who have a similar disposition. Building a positive network of friends will increase your enjoyment of life. The friends who have the same values as me, like honesty, integrity, and doing what is right, even if it isn’t always easy, are valued and appreciated. They give you strength and make your life much more enjoyable.

Conversely, if you spend your time with negative people, gossip all the time, and are miserable about their lives and others, what do you think your outlook will be?   The transference from one person to another is a fact of life. The choices of association in this area significantly matter to your happiness.

Think about the people you know. Aren’t there some people who just put a smile on your face only by being around?  Unfortunately, some people make you depressed just by saying hello.  I know I have met plenty of both.  You need to choose to steer towards the positive people when you can and leave the negative folks to their misery.  You will make enjoy life a whole lot more.

Be The Toxic Avenger

If you have friends in your life who have a toxic effect on those around them, then you have two choices.  You can either totally avoid them and the poisonous foolishness that comes with them.  Or if that is not possible, the more fun method is to challenge them on every negative thought and action constantly. After a while, they will either change their perspective or start to avoid you.  Either way, you win a more positive life. Everything

When they say something negative about someone, disagree and say something you know that is positive.  Most of these toxic people are not evil. They have just gotten into the bad habit of feeling that unless they make someone else feel bad, they can’t feel right.  By choosing to counteract them at every turn, you will either make them so mad they will leave on their own accord or, more often than not, they will fall in line and agree with you.  Be consistent with this, and you may turn a negative toxic person into a positive, happy person.  That decision will be a happy one for you.

How You Think About Yourself Counts

Every Thought CountsOften, it is confusing to people who focus and make positive decisions about how they think about others. They will be doing well, but they ignore how hard they are on themselves.  And the truth of the matter is that if you don’t love yourself and treat yourself like you deserve great things in your life, you can’t be too surprised when you don’t get them.

How you decide to view yourself is probably the most critical decision you can make in life.  If you look at yourself and point out the flaws, real or imagined, you are beating up your self-esteem for no reason.  How can you expect that great things will happen for you if you don’t even think you deserve them.

The great thing is that changing this pattern of thought is as simple as changing your mind.  Really?  Don’t believe me? Then do this.  Honestly, make a list of all the things you don’t like about yourself.  Hopefully, it won’t be too long, but I know some of us are hard on ourselves.  For every negative thing about yourself, rewrite the statement as a positive.

You can change the complete statement, or more likely, replace it with something you do like.  For example, an idea like, “my butt is too big” can be changed into “I have stunning eyes.”  or  “My butt looks great!”  In the end,(no pun intended), I don’t think it matters how you change the statement because as smart as we think we are, our brains can only remember one thing at a time. If you are considering the same positive thought repeatedly, then there is no room for the negative version.

You can choose to make it a negative thing or decide to make it a positive thing.  If you think positive thoughts about yourself and your abilities consistently, you will automatically permeate success, and others will be able to sense it.  All I can ask is that you try it.  Give yourself a break. You are a good person, and there are beautiful things about you that are so attractive.  Focus on them.  What you think about yourself is all that matters anyway.

Every decision you make, from the minute you wake up to the time you lay your head back down to go to sleep, will affect everything about you and your life.  Ask yourself when you are making a choice, “Does this choice honor me.” If you can honestly answer, “YES.” Then the decision will be simple, indeed.

I leave you with one thought, and it is the one I had initially — all you do matters in life. The choices you make are yours, and you are responsible for them.  Everything will come from your thoughts, feelings, words, and the actions that result from them.  If you don’t like the way the music sounds, change the arrangement.  Everything you do will allow this to happen.

In a minute, there is time for decisions and revisions, which a minute will reverse.  ~T.S. Eliot

Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.  ~Author Unknown

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The inability to make a decision has often been passed off as patience.  ~Author Unknown

Everything is something you decide to do, and there is nothing you have to do.  ~Denis Waitley

 

21

Responsible

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NEVER MAKE EXCUSES

Accept Responsibility for Life.

Each day, we can make these decisions to bring our lives into balance, enjoy the experience more, and connect us to life in general.

Today is a day of potential with a chance of increasing your enjoyment and energy by accepting things as they indeed are and taking responsibility for them.  Those two skills will allow you to experience a more happy and balanced life.  It is a simple concept but takes discipline to perform consistently. It begins by being conscious of your thoughts, the words you use to express them, and the actions you take because of the ideas you entertain. These are not complex concepts to fathom, nor are they trying to put into practice, but few choose to do them consistently because you have to be consistent in your practice.

Things Are What They Are

It can be difficult for people to accept unpleasant things as a part of their lives. This fact is true of experiencing some significant change on our part. Sometimes it is just easier to wish things were like they used to be, but they never are.  Change is happening all around you and inside you every day. The new comes and takes the place of the old, and that is a reality. To refuse to accept this is a cause of suffering.  Things are what they are. To think anything else is delusionary.

Accept the things in life. All the changes and growth that are going to come until the time that life ceases to exist continually.  Accept yourself and all others and the role they are playing in your life. Acknowledge that there is a divine presence in everyone, even if their actions are harmful and their behavior is unsatisfactory. Accept them and their journey as a part of yours. Life moves, injuries occur, rehabilitation is needed, you may find yourself down and in need of a comeback. All of these are possible once you accept how things are. You will have a solid base to go wherever you want. Accept things as they are because that is how they are.

Responsibility For All

My thoughts, words, and actions are all my responsibility, always.  This fact is a concept more people should focus on in their life. We all make a million decisions in a day. Most are rote actions we complete daily, and those decisions are made subconsciously and may or may not represent what you want to stand for. Focusing on all the ideas we bring into reality with our words and actions means you have to be conscious and aware. Choices of harsh words can harm people deeply below the surface where you can’t directly see the harm. It doesn’t matter what your intent is. It matters what the actual result is. If your words hurt someone, you are responsible for that, regardless of your original intention.

Many people choose to avert responsibility for whatever reason. It is a habit that allows the negative energy of a poor choice to stay with you for a long time.  Learn to accept responsibility for all things in your life, and when it needs to be “fixed,” then start fixing.  The acceptance will lead to a higher quality of life, bringing balance and happiness to your daily experience.  When you accept responsibility for all things, there is no fear of what others think. You are going to be productive and feel better about yourself. Your relationships with significant others, friends, family, and co-workers will also be better. When you make a mistake or hurt someone, take responsibility, and make amends.

Make Two choices Today.

It is up to you today to look honestly at your location and accept that it is a reality. You live where you live. You make the amount of money you make. You have the friends you have. If any of those things aren’t where you would like them to be, then you have the power to change them.  Be responsible for your choices every day and look for ways to learn from those who aren’t so good.  Use them to become better the next time you have options.  All of the things you choose are in your power.  Things may happen out of your control, but your decisions about dealing with them are all under your control. Nobody can make them for you.

As you move through this day, please take a moment and look at the thoughts you are entertaining about your life and how it is progressing today. Are you taking responsibility for where you are? Are you blaming others or circumstances? Are you just existing without much thought about it at all?  You have a conscious choice to see where you are and to accept responsibility for it. Once you do this, you can use your words and actions to make your life a more enjoyable experience. The level of enjoyment you experience is all up to you and the thoughts you choose to entertain in your conscious mind.

“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.”- Nathaniel Branden.

“Even the acceptance of personal responsibility may not overcome the temptation to believe that now is not the time to repent. ‘Now’ can seem so difficult, and ‘later’ appear so much easier. The truth is that today is always a better day to repent than any tomorrow. “-Henry B. Eyring.

“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.”- George Orwell.

 

 

21

Your Power

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It isn’t something most people dwell on, but each of us contains a personal power we release into the world every day. We do this with the things we choose to think about and the actions we decide to undertake in life.  These choices determine if we are dominant positively or negatively. That is a magical thing to realize. Your consciousness will determine just how you are going to affect the world.  Your pledge to maintaining a positive mental attitude supported with like actions will allow you to produce a force in your life you will want to represent you.  Take a moment, and honestly, look at your thoughts and see if you are expressing your power in the right way for you.

Self Perception

When you think of yourself, what is it you see? Is there an influential person who makes choices, lives by them, and accepts the responsibility for them.  Or do you know a person who is just trying to get along, following directions, and looking for ways to fit in and not rock the boat?  Most of us fluctuate somewhere between being dominant and being weak. But the choice to be assertive is a personal one, and it starts with choosing to have a mindset of positive power.

You can choose today to entertain thoughts which are of a successful person. A person who makes excellent choices will want to live with the consequences of their actions.  There is a competent person there who deserves all of the good things life can bring you. If you are letting any other thoughts enter your consciousness, then you are limiting yourself. It is not arrogant to see the good things in yourself and live from them. It is intelligent and healthy.

Visualize Your Best Version of Things

Most people don’t realize the power their imagination holds for their lives. Nothing was built in any realm of man that didn’t first exist in someone’s imagination.  Your creative abilities are as high as anyone else’s if you choose to develop your skill.  This action is suitable for creating your life, just as it is in creating something physical. How you look at things matters.

The choice is to look at yourself as confident, vibrant, and happy now and always. If you don’t feel this way, start to visualize life more robust and secure. Picture in your mind what life would be like if you thought the power to see yourself as confident in your choices and abilities to follow through with your ideas. It will go a long way toward being successful.  It will get you past any short-term failure and keep your momentum moving to more compelling life.  Visualize the best you that you want to experience, and you can create it.

Develop a Positive Mindset

All lives include suffering. That is the way of life. It is how you face these challenges that define who you are and what you stand for. The talent to maintain a mindset that hopes for the best in all situations is a power that few people can cultivate.  But it is a path that will allow you to see the suffering as just an experience.  Life is going to change. Sometimes those changes are easy, and sometimes they are exhausting emotionally and mentally.  Perspective is the thing.

Looking at any situation and carrying hope for the best to come out of it will allow you the chance to do just that. A positive mindset is not a practice of ignoring the difficult things in life but understanding them as a part of the process and not a definition of life.  Negative thoughts exist; they are harmful because of our perception, and that perception is adjustable.  Great things can still come from situations in which we suffer. It may be three or four moves down the board, but it happens all the time if you have an attitude that expects the best in your daily life and your future.  Always expect excellence, and most often, that is what you will get.

Choose the Good

One of the factors you should develop in your life is the element of choice that is always available to us. We have to ability to choose one road, or it is opposite at all times we do this right now.  Should I go to sleep early or not? Should I eat this or that?   Being able to weigh the different options is a part of being human, and being aware that this choice exists the advantage of more active consciousness. It allows you to look at all things in your life and realize there is a choice. You can consciously choose images and actions, create the desired reality, or choose something else. That is powerful.

Understanding what you want in life can be a real challenge. There are many options, and to get some things, other things need to be let go.  But with a visualization of your goals and a belief in yourself to take affirmative action and create positively beautiful things can enter your life, regardless of where you find yourself right now.  The more extensive the challenges you overcome, the more valuable the experience. That is your power, and you can choose to use it or not.

“A clear vision, backed by definite plans, gives you a tremendous feeling of confidence and personal power.”-Brian Tracy.

“If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.”-Tony Robbins

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”-Laozi.

 

21

Like It or Not

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How I often approach change. It can be scary!
How I often approach change. It can be scary! I need to perfect the art of laughing!

There is little in life as frustrating as change. Whether we want it or not, it comes along in life and forces us to do something other than what we have been doing, whether we are ready to stop doing it.

Most people, if not all people, have at least a passing disdain for change, and I think there are good reasons for this, yet I think we also all are well aware that change provides positives we need. How to deal with this mystery of inevitable and painful movement from one phase of life to another? That is the inevitable question.

Why Change is Hard

As humans, I think it is natural that we find comfort in routine.  It is always safe to get up at the same time, follow the same patterns of life.  Depart for work at about the same time each morning and throughout whatever you do during the day.

accepted or changedWe do this because it is safe, we do this because it represents order, we do this because it is reassuring. If you don’t think so, disrupt someone’s routine, even for one day, and watch their reaction. It is all a perception and illusion of control. We control so little in reality that seeming in control of our routine gives us comfort.

Our minds are constantly seeking safety and the ability to know where our place in the world is.  The world will not end if you do something different, but sometimes it may just feel like it.

Choosing to Change

process not eventIf you are choosing to change, then something must be significantly amiss. In my life, these choices of change have been around wanting to get into shape or a different job, but deep down, they were because I was not happy with life as it was, and the only chance to find happiness was to change.

It could be a new workout routine, a new job, or a new relationship. New is a nice word for change and makes you feel better about what you are doing. It also gives confidence to the outcome, which is always unknown.

One of the great things about choosing to change is that you feel like you have some sort of power in the decision-making process. It may be an illusion, but it still provides you with a great chance to feel empowered.  Enjoy that kind of change because the other type isn’t so very nice.

The Other Kind of Change

change 1This is the change that comes on you from nowhere and doesn’t give you an option. It simply gives you change.  Death of a loved one, an accident, an illness, a spouse leaves you, or you are laid off from a job.

There are many examples of this, and these are the changes that can kick your teeth in and jump up and down on you until you don’t think you can take it another second. The great unwanted moments of life upsetting your nicely ordered life.

Unwanted change is like the tide, inevitably pouring in no matter how you try to stop it, and it leaves behind a clean landscape.  Often the changes required of us are so significant we get swallowed up by them for a time. There is an almost numb feeling like life is happening and you are there, but you are more observer than a participant. This is a temporary feeling.  Until you get your bearings back and can navigate through the new circumstances, be brave in times of change, and eventually, you will gain your bearings.

Hope of Change

change sailsEven though this change can be pretty awful to experience, it is not the end of the world.  It just seems like it.

When you can look at change from the experience of surviving it, you can start to appreciate the growth you have had.  The pain of loss or suffering has become a part of your history, faded a bit, and now is replaced with wisdom.  This is the learning that life will give you one way or another.

It is a frightening proposition. If things are going great, you should appreciate them for all of their nuances and uniqueness. The hope in change is that it will always bring us closer to where we should be, meaning to me, closer to our authentic selves. We have to be aware of what lesson is being taught.

In my journey, there were times I was satisfied yet unaware that I was many, many miles away from where I needed to get. To be the best version of myself. Whether I am any closer to that is yet to be determined, but I am hopeful.

My Choice of Change

I promise myself that I will go easy on my fear of change and realize that it is just a natural reaction and emotion. People often will stick with a job, relationship, or life that isn’t working because even though they may not be ideal, they are known and therefore less scary than the unknown coming down the road even though the unknown may be perfect.

Cast off your line and let your ship move into change seamlessly.  There is no avoiding the specter of change, and your only choice is to fight and resist it or to ride the wave like a surfer.

If there were no change, nothing terrible would ever get better!

Songs of change:

 

21

Following Your Compass

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When you stop and look at where you are in your life and the people you are currently involved with, the biggest factor determining all of this is the values you follow and adhere to in your life. As the late great Zig Ziglar said;

“You are who you are and what you are because of what has gone into your mind. You can change who you are and what you are by changing what goes into your mind.”

Our own personal system of values determines the mode of input for all of us.  For every problem I have faced or challenges that arose, the success I have had with it has stemmed from the character I displayed through my values. There have been times in life where my value system was a little murky. That led to questionable behavior and less than ideal results.  That is the compass we all follow, which leads us to the destination in our lives. Where is your compass leading you? Where would you like it to take you?  Your values will reveal these answers. It is as simple as that.

Values

What are your values? A value is a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.  They can be positive or negative or anywhere along thatscontinuum. When I look at myself, Honesty, integrity, compassion, work ethic, independence, learning, kindness, and reliability are all positive values I apply to my behavior.  Since I have placed my focus on these things, life flows quite easily in that direction.

Your behavior is the true measure of your values. If you take what isn’t yours, you are not honest. If you bully someone else into making yourself feel better, then you are a bully. If you have no compassion for those in difficult situations, that tells everything about your life. Values will color all of your experiences with the brush of those questionable values. And when you are sitting there in anger and frustration because things are not working out for you, you have no one to blame but yourself and the negative values you have adopted.

If you don’t like your life, start by changing the values you focus on and practice.

Where Values Come From 

As little humans, we are each trying to figure out what this world is all about from the moment we are born. We are continually taking in information based on the behaviors and reactions of all the people we contact.  This stage lasts the first seven years of life, and during that time, our moral compass is passed on to us by the observed behavior and direct experience with others. Parental figures are the biggest influence, but so is everyone else you come in contact with.

We do not realize it at first, and some never realize it, but we are all responsible for our choices in life and the values we practice in all situations.  Just because we were born into a situation where poor values were practiced is not an excuse. You decide for yourself where your ethics and morality lie. If you choose to be unethical, you are responsible for that and the things which result from that effort.

Your Compass Bearings

When we look at the trajectory of our lives, it is easy to blame others, bad luck, the government, nature, or any factor that exists. Many of the things outside us we have no control over.  We can control the decisions we make around the values and morals we prioritize in our lives.  Our compass bearings are created from this.  There is no more accurate predictor of where that compass is going to take someone than personal values.

We are wholly responsible for the outcomes of our lives, and the more we take that, the better your life experience will seem. Life seems to bring us to the places we show appreciation for, and we show this appreciation through our values and the importance we place on them.

Today is a great time to reflect on your personal system of values and seek places you would like to tweak them in a direction in line with your ideal self. You will define this one way or another.  Please pay attention to the bearings of your compass of values and what they are telling you about life.

Some quotes on Values:

“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” Roy E. Disney

 “Our value is the sum of our values.” Joe Batten

 “If you don’t stick to your values when they are being tested, they’re not values, they’re hobbies.” Job Stewart

“Good moral values are mostly molded from a place where love, faith, and hope exist.” Arsenio V. Manalo Jr

21

A Gift of Possibility

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morning hope Sometimes we forget that every day we are given the gift of possibility. All people have a chance to make their lives whatever they want. Unfortunately, too many spend time ignoring this fact and choose to dwell on the negative. They are choosing instead to be weighted down by the predictable prison of routine and hopelessness of poor thought patterns. For today let’s hope the world may surprise you.  If you give it a chance and allow your focus and expectations to stretch just a little bit toward positive things, there is no telling what may happen. Greet each day with a heartfelt, Good Morning!! Let’s see what this day will bring to you. I know the days I focus on possibility, good things come my way, and the challenges I can leap over like an Olympic athlete. So I say, “Good morning to you!”  Loudly and with no tentativeness at all.

Focus on What you Have

It is easy to focus on the things that we lack. Fame, money, a brand new black supercharged Ford Mustang may be objects of your desire.  These things can make our lives seem like it isn’t what it should be or what you would like.  Yet, the facts are indisputable. At the dawn of each new day, the infinite possibility of accomplishment is open to you.

Whatever you dream of creating in your life or career, the path is before you every time the sun rises. Unfortunately, I have spent too much time in life looking at the flaws rather than looking for solutions to create what I dream should exist. This is a waste of time.

Believe it or Not

Now, as you read this, you are either thinking,   “Yes, a new day filled with ultimate possibilities. Time to be great!” or you are thinking, “That is a load of crap, I can’t possibly good-morning-quotechange this situation. I am in.”

If you have anything similar to the second answer in your head, I have one thing to say to you.  You are right; if you believe there is no changing your present situation, it will never be changed.  You will be living that reality until YOU decide to change the way you think about it.  I can speak to this from experience.  Looking at the new day and seeing nothing but minefields and problems. A life lived from that perspective has a desperate feeling of worry that never allows you to enjoy anything, even when the best circumstances are presented to you.

Possibilities

The unique opportunity that you have to put an imprint on life is presented every day. If you choose to embrace this thought, then your life will be an adventure. Life will be full of what you truly desire to experience. So take a step each day toward your dream. There is always something to do, a hurdle to jump, a skill to develop, or a deed to do.  Magic happens one event at a time.

The feeling of hope pervades a life practicing this mindset. Hope allows all things to be possible. In the way you define it, achieving the ultimate success is a possibility in each morning we experience. For this hope and promise, I am grateful.

Good Morning to you!!!! Have a great day, and remember who you are. A one of a kind wonder unleashed on the world. So be who you are, and the right people will love you and those who don’t lose out.

 

 

21

Choices

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“At some point in our life, everyone must decide if they are a creator or a critic, a lover or a hater, a giver or a taker.” ~ Unknown

the choices are all yours
Choose wisely

Life is a short ride, and the decisions we make each day determine if that ride is a thrilling experience that makes you hold your breath or if it is a calm walk through the park.

The choices we make every day will determine the tone, happiness, and satisfaction we get out of life. Choose well.

Critic or Creator

It is an easy choice to become a critic of anybody or anything. It is my experience that a person who will be critical of how one person lives, or the things they do, will quickly decide it is their duty to point out the parts of your life worth criticizing.

Since being critical is almost always a window into a person’s own feelings of inadequacy, it is often helpful to listen to a critic, if only to understand what they lack in their own life.

The other choice here is to be a creator of things and focus on what you can add to the world rather than what is wrong with everyone else. Creation is the best way to connect to your true self and understand who your authentic self is.  Creativity in all forms is a magical thing and to be a creator is to bring more light into the world. Imagine your thoughts, ideas and creations will never be brought to light unless you do it yourself.

Many people find it easier to critique because they are afraid to create fear of what someone else might say.  I urge you to create! You are a master at whatever you do.  Pay as much attention to someone being critical as you would to a mosquito buzzing by your ear on a summer’s day, insignificant to the enjoyment of your life.

A Lover or a Hater

Love or hate, its your choice
simple choice. You are never too young or old to make

This is the simplest choice that everyone faces every day.  When you look at someone or something, you have the option to love what they are or what it is you are looking at, or you can choose to hate them or it.

People bring their hate onto others for so many silly reasons, their race, religion, sexual orientation, or even what part of the world they are from.  It is just as easy to find a reason to love someone to find a reason to hate them.

Once you choose to head in one direction, most often, you are going to continue down this road, always finding more and more reasons to hate people and things.   One person who hates one ethnic group will often easily add several others quickly to their list of undesirables for no apparent reason.

The good news is the choice to love is also one that will grow the more that you use it.  Not everyone will be exactly like you, but everyone is a human being living on the face of the earth.  Hating someone or loving them is really an example of how you feel about yourself, and when you realize this, you will be less than eager to dish out hate.

Every person is born with unlimited potential, and you may be the fuel that allows someone to realize their talents. It doesn’t matter where someone is from, the religion they practice, the color of their skin, or anything else. We are all spiritual souls having a human experience.

The choice to love is easy and takes no more effort than hate does.  It is simply a frame of mind.  As time goes by, situations arise, and you may feel wronged or unfairly criticized, but when you look at situations from a large perspective, ask yourself: “Is it really worth it?”

Some people I know will swear that it is. Some have gotten over their hurt and see it wasn’t.  I think that if people understand that their feelings are a choice, they are the person they have chosen to be. I am happy for them.

Givers or takers

There is a symbiotic relationship that exists between everyone, and there are those that are

giver or takere
Gratitude is the key to this transaction in both directions, givers and those that are takers, and we make the choice which one we are.  Most of us will be on both ends of this spectrum at one time or another, as I have.

The secret to giving is that you are really giving a gift to yourself every time you do it.  If your intent is true and to give something to another, you will receive as much back or more.  That is how it works.   Some of the greatest givers I have known were not rich people financially, but they were quite rich in their souls.

I have been fortunate to know many people who would gladly share their last dollar or meal with you if you needed it.

They did this cheerfully and with no expectation of repayment.  My personal gratitude for these gifts is immense, and I understand how lucky I was to receive them.  I, in turn, try to live the same way, being a cheerful giver when I can.

When the taker of a gift or help doesn’t see the gift with gratitude that problems arise, many now are given help from others and are not grateful but feel it is an entitlement or an expected part of living.

These people will never continue giving, only looking for more of a gift from others, never being satisfied, or looking for a way to give back.  Nobody should be too proud to accept help or forget what it feels like to need.  Heartfelt gratitude is the key, on the one side, for the gift you have received and the fact that you have enough to give.

What Do You Choose?

Who do you want to be in your life? What do you want people to remember about you? All of this is totally in the hands of the decisions you make each day.

 

21

History

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forget your historyA limiting belief many people carry around in their minds is “History always repeats.”  As a former history teacher, I know that general themes in history do repeat themselves in the broad scheme of life. However, this is not a given, and it takes a combination of circumstances and choices for any event to occur. This is particularly true in your life, don’t be limited by the concern or fear that events from your past are simply going to play again in your mind. Forget your history.

Live for the possibility you have right now in front of you. The past is over, and history can’t change it. Did you make a mistake? Accept it. You can’t change it now anyway. Understand that if you could have done better at that moment, you would have. Now you have grown and developed more maturity and tools to help you cope and deal with situations life throws at you.

Forget your history of Fear and Worry.

The real problem with this belief is that it causes constant fear of the bad regret2things we have experienced. They hurt and were painful, and who would want to go through that again? Yet, we spend a lot of our time worrying and preparing, just if that situation rears its ugly head in our lives. If you sincerely believe that bad things are going to come, then they most likely will.

Patterns do happen in life, but how many of them occur because we allow them to. By spending so much time worrying about them and fearing certain things, we actually create the circumstances that create them. Not one worry or fear ever added anything positive to your life, certainly not as hope and love will. Where your focus lies has a lot more to do with the events of your life today, much more than your history ever will. Forget your history. Focus on the potential of today. It is as great as you want to make it.

Nothing is Guaranteed; forget your history.

There are no guarantees in life that anything is going to happen, which is forget your historytrue about difficult things and positive, easy things. History always repeats robs a person of some freedom to make choices in their lives. We have choices in every second of life to have this experience or that one.

Should I work or watch Netflix? Write something or create nothing? Move or stay? All of these are choices that come in all moments of the day. You are the driver of this vehicle called life, and it doesn’t matter what has happened in the past. All roads are open to you. Your past is history, and history is in the rearview mirror life is not moving that way. Don’t let the limiting belief of history always repeats dim your future.  Forget your history. Focus on your future.

Make Your Future Great

The time that you see that the options for you are wide open. A few alterations here or there, and you can see what might happen. Your choices will determine how much happiness and personal fulfillment is in your future. Only you and your thoughts can make history repeat. Choose not to. You choose your life, and your past has very little to do with it unless you allow it to. Forget your history.

Today may be the day that you achieve that dream, meet that person, accomplish that goal, your life changes for the better in radical ways. Forget history and live.