Our constant companion is our mind. It continually spills a non-stop stream of words into your reality that only you can hear inside your head. No matter what is happening, your mind has something to say about it. As you get older, I think either you succumb to the fact, this is the way it will be. Or you actively start to understand how this tool of a mind works and see if you can make the relationship between you much more positive and productive. The natural flow of thoughts is not very positive or helpful to anyone’s life. To change this, you have to take some action and gain some understanding. Here are some things I have learned and observed.

We Don’t Create Our Thoughts

You would think the one thing in the world you control would be the thoughts in your mind, but in reality, we don’t control very many of them. They come from our conditioning, projecting our biases and beliefs into our lives. It doesn’t matter if you want them or not. There is a constant, natural stream of thoughts conversing in your mind. You are not the creator of these thoughts; you are the listener and observer of these ideas. So who is thinking? That is a conversation for another day, but suffice it to say, it is not you and your conscious self. You are free to listen or not. That is your decision.

To even notice them takes a little effort. You have to be conscious of them appearing. Remember, your mind, left to itself, will comment on everything that happens, from that car you see driving past to the people you see in your day-to-day interactions. Usually, it is neither positive nor friendly. The good news is, these thoughts are not you, and you can dismiss them with a little bit of conscious effort. We will discuss this at the end.

Why are we are so negative and set in our thoughts?

There are two natural biases we all carry that answer this question. First, there is a negativity bias we all have. We are more likely to focus on possible adverse outcomes to protect ourselves. If you expect the worst, you can never be disappointed. So our thoughts tend to reflect this bias. We see the hurricane that might come and the damage it will do. We

Experience these things as if they have happened and that stress is real to us. Of course, if that hurricane should hit you and bring all the bad things you imagined, you will feel prepared, but the sad truth is you will not be—this mode of protection doesn’t work, and you can’t dream up all the bad things in the world.

You can combat this by recognizing it and dismissing the negative thoughts for what they are, unnecessary. One learns to control the ideas and limit them through meditation by quieting the mind and focusing on something else. Your breath or a mantra of some kind, you stop the mind from speaking because you are somewhere else. This includes the negative bias you perpetuate pretty naturally. It is easier to change your outlook to a more positive one when you experience a little peace from the constant stream of thought. The negative bias can be changed with conscious effort.

Why are people so narrow-minded?

Another bias we carry is confirmation bias. Meaning we will search out facts and information that seemingly confirms a previously held belief and ignore or dismiss it out of hand as wrong anything contrary to an already held belief. We are just not very open to new information in any natural way. If you have a particular political leaning, information supporting your beliefs will easily be accepted, no matter how questionable. At the same time, information that contradicts your firmly held beliefs is dismissed without question, no matter how accurate.

The close association people feel with their beliefs and thoughts make any questioning of them an attack on who they are as people. It will help if you look no further than any long, angry argument anyone has on social media. I see people I know get into meaningless arguments about politics, social issues, mask-wearing, or other beliefs. The confirmation bias makes us angrier and more defensive than we need to be and makes people attack others in words to protect their closely held identity.

I often wonder at the venom people state to each other online and hope that a little bit of conscious reflection might ease some of this suffering. Perhaps not taking an opposite opinion as a personal attack on you and your value system might be a good start. Or you can continue as you are and be mad at everyone for everything that doesn’t fall in line with what you think and believe.

Meditate and Let Go

The simple way to get to know your thoughts and recognize your biases is to start to watch your thoughts, and meditation is the way to do that. It isn’t challenging to do, and many great apps can guide you. I use one called Insight Timer, which works for me, but there are several good ones I have tried. Calm and Headspace are two of those. Meditation allows you to handle all of those thoughts and decide which ones represent you and which ones don’t also enable you to understand yourself and why certain emotions and thoughts come up when they do. What is bothering you, and what types of events in your past are still harming you. You have to let it all go to move forward with life, and meditation allows you the chance to do this.

“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

“Great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.” —”William James

“Clear thinking requires courage rather than intelligence.” —”Thomas Szasz

“Did you ever stop to think and forget to start again?” —”Winnie the Pooh

“Few minds wear out; more rust out.—”Christian N. Bovee

“It is well for people who think, to change their minds occasionally to keep them clean.” —”Luther Burbank

“Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.” —Benjamin Lee Whorf

“Misery is almost always the result of thinking.” —”Joseph Joubert

“Most of the mistakes in thinking are inadequacies of perception rather than mistakes of logic.” —Edward de Bono

“Thought is the blossom; language the bud; action the fruit behind it.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

“What we think, we become.” —Buddha