Anything offering resistance will create energy blockages or stuck energy, which also applies to your emotional state.
It is a battle of wills most days regarding the circumstances we see and the perspective we want to see. Resistance is the refusal to accept or comply with something or attempt to prevent something from happening. Your strength can come from action or argument. Things are not left to unfold as they should because we have a set outcome we would like to see in our heads. When you have this outcome in your mind, all other results are unacceptable and will cause a problem in your reality. It is hard to know what you want, set an intention to get it, and only accept one path to get there. Learning to see our resistance to things is vital to growing as a person. Resistance is futile when it comes to seeing the results of events. They will happen eventually, the way they are meant to be. You can fight against them and dislike the results, or you can learn to enjoy the ride. It is also true in accepting things in life. They may seem like “bad” things at first, but all items can bring good to your life in time. Work with them.
Expectations Limit Us
All of us create expectations. This creation means we believe a specific outcome will be the result we will see. Regardless of whether or not it is realistic, the consequences of situations we are involved in are predetermined in our minds. Any other outcome would cause disappointment, even if it were better than you hoped. Our expectations can limit our happiness and stop us from enjoying the good things coming into our lives.
There is an element of control that exists in our expectations. We try to devise what we see as the best possible outcome and then manipulate the world into that tiny, limited mold of options. But life is neither low nor inadequate, and you can’t possibly know all of the variables and potential outcomes perhaps experienced. You can’t control the Universe as much as you would like to. Not for yourself and certainly not for others. Control is a limitation to what you want; it will create situations where you are blocking good things from entering your life. Learning to let go of the control you wish to see in the outcome of your experience can allow more incredible things than you can imagine to enter your life.
Beliefs Cause Resistance
In our development as people, we create beliefs based on our experience and the information others tell us. These ideas bring us to think that a specific outcome will result from a situation even though there is no substantial proof that this will be the case. In this way, we believe we have the world figured out, and the cause and effect relationship of our lives will lead to the desired future results. In short, if I do x,y, and z, then the result will be fixed and predictable. Wouldn’t it be nice if the world worked like this?
The future is continually changing, and there is no way to predict or control what is coming your way. You may be able to do it once or twice even, but to do it consistently is impossible. Understand that our beliefs can and will change as our experiences in life grow. We are going to move toward becoming our potential. Suppose we are not cut short by our mortality. Being limited in your beliefs will lead to resistance to anything outside of them. Resistance leads to a stoppage in whatever you are trying to create. Work on being fluid in what you believe.
Bottom Line: Resistance=Disappointment
If you choose to be ridged in what you believe and the outcomes you will accept in the flow of life, prepare to be continually disappointed. People cannot consistently control all things and people in the world. Those we are close to needing to make their own decisions and have unique experiences. It isn’t up to us to choose for them. Good, bad, or neutral life’s
The rural scene at sunset
experiences are meant for growth. Let the experiences provide what they will, and don’t develop fixed expectations of what you will accept from them.
Resistance to a particular outcome can only lead to disappointment. Life happens, experiences occur, and we can choose to move with the results, or we can choose to resist them. Our choice will rarely change anything, so energy spent in this way seems to be a waste of time. Although it would be great if we could control things the way we want, life would never be able to teach us anything new, and growth would be impossible.
Accept the flow of things and allow them to happen naturally without resistance from you. Learn to take the lesson and become a more productive person as life experiences teach their classes. It’s up to you if you enjoy the ride or not. Resistance is not only futile, and it is a waste of energy.
“Resistance is thought transformed into feeling. Change the thought that creates resistance, and there is no more resistance.”
“The mind commands the body, and it obeys. The mind orders itself and meets resistance.”
“What is happiness? The feeling that power increases – that resistance is being overcome.”
“The path of least resistance makes all rivers, and some men, crooked.”
“Fear is only inverted faith: it is faith in evil instead of good.”– Florence Scovel Shinn
All of us have a deep desire to know what will happen next. Where are we going? What is the next step? What should I do now?
Sometimes it seems like it would be much easier if our lives were scripted in a book that we could read beforehand. Follow the script, and you will eventually come to your happy ending, and everything will be alright for all situations. That is just not the way that life works, and I, for one, am understanding of it and most grateful for it. Face the new experiences of life and bravely embrace the unknown. You don’t have any other choice, and you have made your choices, which have put you where you are. Be responsible and own your situation, regardless of the fear and the unknown.
Don’t Fear What You Don’t Know.
I have found the unknown to be very undesirable on a few occasions. First, when things are going just wonderfully. When you look around and think, “Wow, I am so happy right now.”
This attitude is a problem because if I feel on top of the world, I have the built-in fear that there is no place to go but down. Since that is the case, I tried not to get too happy for many years because it could be taken away. I never realized that happiness is not extrinsic from myself; it is inside. I have had experiences that were fun, happy, wonderful, and I never wanted them to end. I also have experienced scary, uncomfortable, painful, and sad things. In the past, I thought that my happiness couldn’t exist in the presence of something terrible. I found that my joy depends not on what happens to me but on how I look at the world from the inside. We are not in control of many things outside of ourselves, but we are in total control over how we handle them.
I know many people who have everything they should need in the world. A healthy relationship, money, family, you name it. Yet they choose to be unhappy, which I can’t understand. I also know people who seem to have very little but are extremely happy. It takes me to a quote I heard, warning you to be careful when you find something that makes you happy because it can be taken away from you. Happiness comes from within you. So if you accept whatever happens as the experience that it is, sad things make you feel sadness for a time, but your happiness is not at the whim of fate. It appears or strays according to your own choices.
Let Go
People do all sorts of things to make it seem like they control life. We create strict schedules for our days and manipulate people and events to control outcomes. These things never seem to work out in the end as we would like.
Often, the things we do to control life shield us from new and exciting experiences, and when it comes to business manipulating others leads to a poor working environment. Letting go of the need to control everything and understanding that it is impossible to do anyway is a step in a positive direction. You are just one person in the world with your thoughts, insights, and needs. Let others have theirs. You can only control your reaction to events as they unfold.
Make your plans to the best of your ability and allow things to unfold. The people you are with may surprise you with much more than you ever thought possible. Or perhaps with much less than you would hope. But either way, there is a lesson in it for you.
Not Knowing Lets You Grow
Being grateful for the things you don’t know is intelligent because it allows you to experience something beyond your scope of reality. Most people would never stretch themselves beyond what they already know if they didn’t have to.
It is very comfortable to sit in your life, where you seem to know everything you need to be safe and feel in control. Yet, there is the world out there that may require you to stretch outside of that comfort zone to contribute what you are meant to give to its well-being. The Unknown Provides this. Once a new experience comes to you, you have to experience growth to deal with it regardless of its nature. If you stop growing, you will be moving in the other direction. Nobody stays the same.
I choose to accept the unknown of each day as a part of life that was sent to teach me what I need to know to grow. So today, I am grateful for the things I don’t know and hope I dare to deal with them as the experience of life unfolds.
Don’t let fear run your life. Be the captain of your destiny.
“The unknown always passes for the marvelous.” Anonymous
“Replace the fear of the unknown with curiosity.” Anonymous
“Sometimes, you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.” Anonymous
“Going into the unknown is how you expand what is known.” Julien Smith
“We do not fear the unknown. We fear what we project onto the unknown.” Teal Swan
“A hero is somebody who voluntarily walks into the unknown.” Tom Hanks
Destiny- the hidden power believed to control what will happen in the future; fate.
There are always going to be questioned in people’s minds. Why is this happening? Why did that occur? Why this experience? Are there forces at work in our lives that we have little control over? Do we have a destiny, or is life all about free will? Or both? Questions are the tools of all thinking people searching for answers. They guide our minds toward solutions and actions. Whether you believe every person has a destiny or not is irrelevant to me because we all have a destination. Whether you are fated to get there or not is a matter of semantics because you will get there. Your life will be full of challenges, changes, and choices you will have to make. Each one is propelling you toward other challenges, transitions, and options. This cycle will continue in a loop until the end of your time.
Each of these decisions you make and experiences you have to change you, your outlook, and the skills others have with you. So do you control these choices, or does it come from the Universe? Just contemplating this situation will increase your consciousness. It all starts with you taking a moment and looking at your thoughts, words, and actions today as you determine the extent of your experiences.
Choices of Destiny
Why does one person become a wild success and another a failure? I think it has very little to do with what is destined to happen and more to do with our reaction to situations and the choices we make. To believe that only one destiny is available would seem to take away the joy of growth and learning. Who is to say that there are not two or three or a million different destinies available to us and how we react to the challenges we face determines where we land. Each day we are faced with the simple choice to accept where we are or to do something different. To be a positive force in the world we live in or harmful.
You will be responsible for the place you are in right now. Situations are out of our control. How we react to them is our choice always, and the definition of your life is the result. Losing a job, ending a relationship, a natural disaster, or the sudden death of a loved one are all examples of things happening out of your control. How you have reacted to these things defines your life today. Good, bad, or indifferent. It wasn’t the events that created this destiny, it was your choices and resulting beliefs developed because of them. You are free to choose something else at any time.
Create Your Destiny
What is it that you want in life? Would you like a more fulfilling relationship? To have more money? To have an exciting career? What is it that interests you? Knowing that will help guide your choices when facing the challenges life will inevitably present you. Many people have no clear desire or destination in life, so their reactions to challenges are emotional and inconsistent. In the words of Lewis Carroll, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”
Your destiny can be the result of a series of conscious choices, or it can be the result of your unconscious meandering. Having a clear idea of what you would like to have in your life will allow you to take the right road and take responsibility for those choices. Don’t hide behind the false wall of pity. No hero’s story was ever built with the boards of self-pity and fear. Be brave, be responsible for your choices, and know where you would like to go. Picture your desired destination and take actions that most likely move you in that direction. That is your true destiny.
Be a Hammer, Not a Nail
I was once taught there are two choices in life, and at different times we are the experiencers of both: Be a hammer or a nail. That means you are either the provider of forces influencing the events around you. Or you are the instrument being influenced by the power of situations, other people, or whatever else you allow to control you. You have the choice in most cases where you fall into this relationship.
Sometimes, we will be the nail no matter what we do. Accept the situation, be responsible for your part, and look for ways to influence the direction of things from that point. You will face challenges in life, and they are opportunities for growth, accomplishment, and finding your destiny. Accept the challenge with courage and character, and you will find the lesson in the problem more quickly.
It all starts with a more engaged consciousness, a thought, and focused action. Look at your thoughts, and they determine the words you speak and result in your efforts. It is your destiny; take control of it today.
“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves. It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward.”
“Love is our true destiny. I can control my destiny, but not my fate. Destiny is no matter of chance.”
We all have desires and things we want in our lives. But if you focus too much on that one thing, life can slip away from you. It is always healthy to maintain some detachment to the idea you desire. The biggest problem with having something good is that it comes with a similar fear of losing that thing. The protection from this fear is a measure of detachment or the state of being objective. This objectivity is a difficult skill because when you have a desire, it is difficult to maintain any objectivity and the corresponding emotions, leading to a negative, fear-driven mindset. Detachment allows you to keep positive energy as you achieve your goals.
Law of Detachment- Letting go of your desire or releasing.
Detachment from Your Expectations
In life, there are events we look forward to experiencing. Any milestone or accomplishment brings anticipation, and naturally, expectations will arise in your mind. This is the place where detachment needs to come into play. When you start to place expectations on the result of something, it is in danger of not being successful. Once hope comes to you, the mind creates negative worry scenarios about how it might not happen the way you wish. This negative energy will make success and enjoyment difficult.
One of the greatest lessons of playing organized sports is learning to let the result be and take joy and care in doing what you need to do to reach your accomplishments. This pleasure is accomplished by detaching yourself from the outcome and attaching yourself to doing what you are responsible for in getting there. The results will be what they are, and they will provide something exceptional. A goal will be achieved, or there will be an opportunity to reassess and try again. If you don’t practice detachment, one setback can destroy your enthusiasm and confidence. The results do not define your value, and your actions on the way determine your worth.
Detachment and Charged Thoughts
Think for a moment about something you want to happen in your life. It could be a new job, a relationship, or anything else. You will have an initial charge of positivity followed by a litany of worry and fear. This parade of negative thoughts can derail your efforts before they even get off the ground. It is beneficial for you to maintain a positive perspective, even if others in your life don’t—positive thoughts inside lead to positive results on the outside.
It is up to you to detach from the natural thought to dream up the worst-case scenario of whatever you are involved in in your life. This detachment is a way of bracing yourself for all outcomes, and anything result will most likely not be a disappointment. But disappointment can only come from expectations unfulfilled. Don’t create negative images in your mind; negative thoughts inside lead to negative results. Think differently than you have and maintain your individuality of view from those around you.
Letting Go and Letting things Happen
Letting things go is very hard for people to do. It is human nature to attempt to control things from the beginning to the end. But life will teach you that it just isn’t possible or healthy to do. When you give up your need to control events or other people, you will only be responsible for yourself and what you do. Too often, we are spending so much effort to attempt to control events in our lives and other people in our lives that we lose focus on the fact, all we manage is ourselves.
Allow things to happen as they should. We all want great things to happen in our lives, relationships, money, or whatever we desire. But you can’t force things to happen. All items come with steps of experience that bring them into reality. Building a business or a relationship all come with growing events along the way. Enjoy these events, learn from them, and allow them to grow into what they bring to your life in growth and understanding. Many a bad relationship was created by forcing it to perform as expected. Let go and let things develop as they should.
Detach and Let Things Flow
Control is and always will be an illusion to humankind. We have little control over the grand scheme of life, and we can only control how we react to events and people. That is it. We build attachments to things in our minds and find it hard not to build up imaginary scenarios of what it will feel like and how life will change as we accomplish something. It is better to know what you want and be willing to flow in whatever direction works best. Often the best route to our goals moves in a guide we would never have envisioned. Take that route.
The other form of control that people often rely on is the control of other people. Usually, loved ones that we want to protect from hard times or difficulties. However, this is an illusion too. All people have free will to choose what they want. Any control that you experience with another comes only from their consent. If you think you are in charge, you will be in for an awakening. Detach from that and allow people to follow their path, learn their lessons, and become the best they can be.
In the end, failure to practice detachment from your ego and its limited beliefs grows out of a fear of change and how it might adversely affect you. Let the fear go and allow for things to happen as they will. This isn’t easy to do, but letting go of your conditioning from the past will enable you to accept unlimited answers and experiences.
“Detachment is not that you should own nothing. But that nothing should own you.” -Ali ibn abi Talib
“He who would be serene and pure needs but one thing, detachment.” -Meister Eckhart
“The root of suffering is attachment.“- Buddha
“Detachment doesn’t mean I’m trying less hard. It just means that fears and emotions that used to torment and paralyze me longer have the same power over me.” -Kelly Cutrone
What do you think? There are thousands of thoughts created by your mind every day, and the tenor of the ones you pay attention to will dictate what you become and experience in life. That means you have the ultimate ability to choose who you are, what you can accomplish, and the overall experience of your life, just by monitoring your thoughts and making a choice to pay attention to the ones you want to represent you.
Take Time To Notice What Happens
As you become aware of your thoughts, take the time to see their work in your life. The ideas that you entertain about yourself are going to become real. Often we don’t even realize what thoughts we are letting control us. They are happening in the background, and they have been there in our subconscious for a long, long time. All of the thoughts that you accepted as accurate are there continually playing in a loop. Many of these are of harmful variety.
They express through the negative “ego” voice in your head. Telling you that you are not good enough or things never work out for you, or you always miss the fun stuff, or whatever negative thoughts you allow living in your mind. Notice how they come to you in a particular situation and then realize what is happening. They are not valid or accurate. If you think you can’t, you are right; you are also suitable if you think you can. Your thoughts will determine what you become.
Positive Thinking
There are a lot of negative stereotypes about positive thinking in the world. It is not just looking at the bright side of a situation, although that is a byproduct of having a more positive frame of mind. Positive thinking is turning your focus and thoughts toward emotions and actions which are positive. For example choosing love over hate, giving over taking, kindness over meanness, acceptance over judgment, etc.
Your mind is right; You create everything in your reality. Watch your thoughts always and see what changes when you entertain the positive side of the behavioral coin. Instead of judging someone who does something that angers you, look at them with softer eyes and understand the challenges they have faced to get where they are. Their struggles are not yours, be grateful for that.
You Are What You Think
So the next time, your life is giving you a hefty dose of not-so-pleasant things instead of looking outside of yourself to blame someone else. Look at the thoughts you have been entertaining. Accept responsibility for them and the actions that have resulted from them. We are all given the power of choice, and it determines our destiny. This decision is excellent news because it means we are always in control of the things we experience in life.
The mind is everything. What you think you become. ~ Buddha
Although I have trouble sometimes with certain concepts, one thing has become abundantly clear. Being Confident in life is a choice.
Confidence stems from the conscious decision to accept yourself for what you are and to not let your weaknesses rule over your strengths. Can it be that simple? The answer is a loud and emphatic YES!
Let’s face it, we are all human beings, and all of us are constructed with a list of strengths and weaknesses to take advantage of or overcome. Everybody is in the same boat; there is nobody exempt.
But not everybody looks at the boat the same way. There is a definite attitude that those who become successful carry and those who fail to wear a badge. It all comes down to the choice each individual makes about how to look at things. One person sees an insurmountable obstacle, and another sees a great opportunity. The perspective is different, but the sightseeing is the same.
How to Make Sure You Fail
If I want to ensure that I fail and lack confidence, I will focus on my mistakes, weaknesses, and shortcomings. Rather than looking at them for what they are, these issues become my focus, learning experiences that allow you to gain valuable information about yourself, your life, and the world around you.
If you waste your time berating yourself for past mistakes, you will miss the future that is right in front of you. There are more than enough people out there that will gladly point out your shortcomings if you listen to them.
If you focus on the fact that yes, that was a mistake, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience, what exciting opportunities does this present for me? Then you are on your way to success because it is all just a choice anyway.
Look at it. Yes. So. It happened. That’s life. Get over it.
Confidence Is A Choice
Things happen to us all. These experiences are woven into the fabric that is who we are.
Some of these experiences have been great; some have been o.k. And some have been downright awful. That is the deal with life, it isn’t always going to be perfect, and you are never really in control of any of it.
You are one hundred percent in control of how you react to everything, how you let it affect your life, and how you feel about yourself. Your level of confidence springs from this thought pattern and affects your self-esteem.
When an experience occurs, you will do well to look at the event and understand it. You lost a job, or a relationship ended. Why did it end? What growth opportunities did this present to you?
What could you do about it? Accept it because it happened. You can long for the past or feel sick over the loss, but in the end, you are going to end up in the same place, either you are going to choose to accept it and move on with your life, or not accept it and decide never to be happy or prosperous again.
If you were at an amusement park and got on a ride, you are stuck on that ride until it is over. You have the choice to enjoy it or not. To choose not to enjoy the journey seems like a waste of time, but many people take this option every day.
The ride will eventually end; you can’t go back to the beginning and experience the same thing exactly. You can try, but every time the trip will seem a little bit different.
Every experience in life is like that. The ride is life, and you are on it, whether you enjoy it or not. There will be twists and turns, ups and downs, good and bad, that we will all experience. And at some point, that experience is going to end.
Dealing with these things in a generally positive way is the first step toward feeling good about yourself and becoming more confident. Don’t let bad experiences define who you are, get over them and see what they have taught you about yourself, others, and the world around you.
You Control What You Think
You can control all of your thoughts about everything that you experience. If you don’t control what you think, then somebody else will.
Be confident in yourself and know that you have abilities and talents that make you unique and one of a kind. The world would not be quite what it is if you weren’t in it.
Let’s say that you are in a crowded restaurant; you stand up to go to the restroom, and right in front of everyone, you knock your plate on the floor. It smashed into a million pieces and made a mess.
How you think at that moment defines how you feel about yourself. A person who is comfortable with themselves might react with thoughts like this, “Wow, that was clumsy! I just made a mess. I am sure everyone here has made a mess before. I have probably given them a great story to tell. I will help clean this mess up. I don’t know any of these people anyway. ”
Another way to react would be, “God, that was such a stupid, idiotic thing to do, and I am worthless and stupid and ignorant and no good and why am I like this and God I hate being me and when will I ever learn……..etc.” You can see the difference. If you choose the self-loathing path, is it any wonder that you are not happy?
The only person in the world who can control what you really think about in any situation is you. If you choose to delve into unhealthy, self-defeating attitudes, that is the surest way to be miserable I can think of at this moment.
The good news is that choosing healthy self-promoting thoughts is just as easy, anyone can do it, and it is the pathway to feeling great every day. The most significant thing is that you have total control of your thoughts, you can’t blame anybody else, you can’t say that you “got a raw deal,” you are the maker of your dreams, and you will have to live with them no matter which type of thought you choose.
“Noble and great. Courageous and determined. Faithful and fearless. That is who you are and who you have always been. And understanding it can change your life because this knowledge carries a confidence that cannot be duplicated any other way.”- Sheri L. Dew
“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”- Theodore Roosevelt
Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.― Lao Tzu
Life is ten percent what you experience and ninety percent how you respond to it. ― Dorothy M. Neddermeyer
Unexpected– not expected or regarded as likely to happen.
It seems like we spend so much of our lives planning. You are trying to put yourself in the best position to experience success in a career, a relationship, or life in general. Then out of the blue, the Universe conspires to present all of the ideal circumstances to show what you are looking for right on your doorstep. Sometimes it is the unexpected presence that leaves the most long-lasting impressions on us. Being appreciative of this type of uncertainty is where my consciousness is focused today. The sudden good fortune that exists for all of us in life is there. It all begins with an awareness of your thought, the corresponding emotions, the words that result, and the actions you take, which will define you. Look for the unexpected in your day.
Open Up to the Unexpected
Back to being human. People spend so much of their time orchestrating their lives to keep themselves safe. As long as everything falls in the circle of their comfort and expectations, nothing will go wrong. They will be safe. Some people try to orchestrate their lives and the lives of their loved ones in this circle. They try to keep the unexpected out, and regimen and routine in your life. They are creating the perception of control. But it is only an illusion.
Life is going to come at you with the unexpected no matter how hard you try to plan, worry, or fret about all possible scenarios. There is nothing wrong with preparing for the future. That is common sense, but to be all out controlling about it will lead to some rude awakenings. Opening up to the fact that unexpected things will happen in your life will make them easier to deal with and allow you to reap their benefits. You can’t plan for some things, and when it happens, all you can control is your reaction to it. That is where the potential for growth lies. Be open to the unexpected.
The Unexpected Guest Makes the Best Company
Life is like a party with all the people we know about attending. Some of our favorites we choose to have individual conversations with. These people are great, but often you don’t learn anything new about the world or yourself. You move through the people in life and know the jokes, conversations, and topics that will allow you to navigate through it all. Then the unexpected guest shows up.
In this conversation, where you have no form of reference and no history, real growth can come. These words can also provide you with the most excellent entertainment value as well. As new information and experiences flow into your life, you can’t help but grow, and growth and purpose are what this whole game of life is about. The unexpected guest in your life often makes the best company and leaves you with significant gains.
Life is Short Be Unexpected
The unexpected is not just an external influence. We all can become unpredictable. Take the initiative in your life to do something different or to surprise someone. Life is an experience full of the unexpected, and we never know when the ride will end. So it only makes sense to take this day and enjoy it to the best of your ability. Something unexpected might happen, and that will provide a choice to enjoy the result or not. Choose to enjoy it.
There is gratefulness that a wise person feels for every breath they get in this life. Because you never know when it is going to end. Every moment has a potential value for enjoyment. Even moments of grief and suffering can wake you up to appreciate other moments for what they are. Life is a strange journey full of unexpected twists and turns. Learn to embrace every moment the unexpected provides each of us. It starts with your thoughts of the day, the emotions that result, the words you use because of it, and the actions it leads you to take.
“Sometimes, the most scenic roads in life are the detours you didn’t mean to take.” ― Angela N. Blount
“The expected always happens until it doesn’t”
“I’m looking for the surprises, you know, and the unexpected moments of technology, the unexpected moments of musical creation.”
There is nothing I enjoy more than encouraging others. I have been through enough to know life is not all sunshine and rainbows at this stage of my life, but I have experienced enough to know that you can still be happy regardless. In my interactions with others daily, I often find myself counseling people to relax and let life work itself out. This is, of course, very difficult to do because we have been conditioned from birth to make things happen. To be the captain of our destinies. But the older I get, the more I understand how very little I actually know. Life is much smarter than you and me. Here are a few observations that life has taught me; some lessons are easy, and I have learned the hardest of ways. Suffering is a great teacher and a constant companion of all of us.
The Value of Suffering
As a human being living on the planet, I want to help people avoid suffering, but I have come to realize that sometimes challenges are necessary for people to go through to rise to their highest level. You can’t stop them even if you tried. Suffering is a part of the game of life. We are either in a crisis, coming out of crisis, or heading toward a crisis. The times in between allow us to reflect, but don’t wait too long; another situation is coming your way.
I challenge you to do it, find someone in the middle of some drama, sit with them and offer your heartfelt advice. Then sit back and watch as they do what they want to do. Your advice may have been perfect and thoughtful, tempered by love and experience. Still, an indisputable part of human development is learning many valuable lessons from trial and error. It is our right to make errors, so don’t judge too harshly the errors of others because we have all been there. (And probably will be again) The strongest steel has to face the greatest fire. I know it isn’t personal when your advice is ignored completely.
Pressure to Be Perfect
Young people are particularly prone to this. They feel the pressure of having a perfect education to get a perfect job and start down the perfect path of life. Even though there is no perfect education, job, or path, they soldier on with blinders on, stressing over every step.
Read some blogs. It won’t take long to hear the stress and angst coming as the pitfalls in the path are revealed and the worry that life might not be easy, no matter what you do, is the cause of most of it.
It is not very often that we look at ourselves and see the perfect parts. Each of us has attractive and unique things about us, but we tend to focus on the “ugly” parts or the imperfections. People one day realize that their imperfections can be a strength if we only recognize them. Perfection is boring anyway. Be the beautiful, imperfect person that you are and be great at it.
Enjoy the ride
When a person faces a challenge that you have been through, it is like watching a movie that you know the end of by heart. You want to tell them to relax. It will all work out in the end! These things are going to keep happening. Nothing goes as planned, and life challenges you and everyone else. It will be OK in the end if you don’t let the lessons defeat you. The peculiar thing is that just like when I was that age, it falls on deaf ears. Worrying about your rent, job, relationship, family, or whatever else provides a false sense of control. Some never stop. As they age, they keep on worrying and trying to control themselves. Wondering why things never change for them. Let people be who they are and do what they need to do.
The obvious fact is that you have about as much control over 99% of what happens in life as the flea riding on the back of a buffalo. All the worry, the planning, the fear that has been driving you is all for naught. Stuff is still going to happen you don’t like. You would be better served to enjoy the ride and see where it takes you. You will make choices and take action but be less attached to the results. They are mostly out of your hands. The attachment will only cause suffering because you have built a preconceived idea about how things should turn out. Let them turn out as they should. There will be a pain, but less than hanging on to circumstances which no longer serve you.
When you Appreciate the Ride
Great news, though. If you learn to ride the waves of life, you will find that most often, you will get what you need to be happy. All you have to do is appreciate your experiences and learn the lessons they teach you. Nobody is guaranteed tomorrow anyway. All there is in life is today. I once tried to explain this philosophy to someone, and they said, “Jonathan, you make it sound so simple.”
I thought about that a lot because I am not at the end of this game, and I am not sure what will happen yet. Someone in their 60’s probably looks at me the same way. The difference is I hope I would listen to the voice of experience. Or at least I think I would. But I would probably feel like I know it all, and those other experiences don’t have anything to do with me.
Life is unpredictable
Learn how to ride the unpredictable waves of life!
One of the best things about life is that you don’t know what is coming next, how life will play out for you. All you can be sure of is that there will be a lot of things happening to you. Some will be enjoyable and pleasant; some will be neither enjoyable nor pleasant. Your reward for playing and riding it out is to become a better player and a stronger person.
Prepare as best you can for life and learn how to manage a change in temperature, direction, or the cast you are working with. Change is inevitable and constant, and the best we can do is accept it and enjoy the fact that nothing stays the same. Even when we wish it would. People will leave. People will let you down. Appreciate the good things.
Here for A purpose
Challenges are necessary for growth, and we would never evolve into anything worthwhile if we just sat on the couch all day getting whatever we wanted. You are here for a purpose, and playing this game will show you what that is if you let it. An easy life is not a good life, and it is just easy. That is true whether you choose to listen or not. It really doesn’t matter in the end if you win or lose, but how you played the game of life. How have you played the game? If you were in a room full of all the people who had ever met you, would they cheer, boo, walk out, or attack you? The answer to that question will probably define how you have treated others.
It is difficult to stop your mind from thinking about bad things that might happen. When you look at what you are thinking, much of it is based on untamed, repetitive thoughts and based entirely on fear. If your mind is left to its own devices, continually spitting out random thought patterns with no conscious control from you, worry will most likely be the result. Fear-based thoughts about what might happen tomorrow will take something away from you of value, or that you will add something terrible to your life will dominate you. Unfortunately, this constant stream of negativity is occurring in most people’s minds. Worry will never help you, other than to make your life the most miserable experience it can be for you and all of those around you. But yet we worry on.
Negative thinking can have both short and long-term complications on the quality of your life, from physical issues to psychological problems of paranoia or obsessive-compulsive disorders of all kinds. Fear is the antagonistic force behind this, and a positive attitude and hope are the cure of all of this worry all the time.
I read an interesting article about worry that I want to share with my commentary. I hope it helps you. Dr. Walter Cavert contributed it.
Things We Worry About
– Things that never happen- 40%
Many times our minds can cook up precisely what we are scared of. What if a meteor hits my house?
What if my significant other is cheating on m? What if my children forget to look both ways before crossing the road and are arrested for jaywalking and sent to prison and never receive that baseball scholarship? North Korea may develop a weapon to destroy us.
The list of what-ifs and how comes is as endless as your imagination. You can spend unlimited time worrying about these types of things, but you are wasting a significant portion of your time.
The thing is that these events that are worrying you so much may never and most likely will never happen. I understand that they may happen, but will worry about them stop them even if they do? Will it allow you to protect your loved ones and yourself from these events? The answer is no. Even if they do happen, your worrying about them will not prevent them, and you will have to deal with them anyway.
How to defeat these worries, recognize these thoughts when they arise as things that may never happen. Understand that excessive worry does not lead to control because we can never have complete control over life and the things that will happen, no matter what we do.
Life is never about what happens to you. It is all about how you deal with these things. You can control what thoughts you allow to influence your moods and behaviors. As a famous philosopher once said, “Stuff Happens, deal with it.” That is how it is, and you will be much healthier if you eliminate your worries about things that will never happen.
-Things over and done with that can’t be changed- 30%
So True!
How much time do we spend thinking about our past? Whether it is about choices we have made our choices we didn’t make, people often look back with a healthy sense of fantasy that if they had done something differently, or if they had made a different decision at a critical point in their life, then now life would be so much better.
The danger with these types of thoughts is that they are so addictive and believable. It is comforting to visit thought about our past. They are safe, and whether you admit it or not, you have the ultimate control of how the particular situation you are thinking about actually occurred.
You can only remember snapshots of events anyway because remembering every detail would take the same real-time it took when the event originally happened. So that means your mind is just picking and choosing the parts it wants you to remember.
Almost always idealized. Almost always positive towards you and serving whatever purpose you want your memory to fill. Also, as human beings, our minds will see what we want them to see and remember.
This is emphasized by any five individuals who witness something. If you separate them and look at their memory of that event, you will get five different versions. They will be similar but rarely precisely the same.
As time passes, the more different these stories will become, and that is how our memories work. Then, finally, an event happens, and we immediately let our imaginations run wild about it. The point is that worrying about how things worked out in the past is a waste of time because you can NOT change the past.
It happened, and what you remember about it may not be entirely accurate anyway. The past is gone, and you can’t get it back, make a different decision, or change the way things worked out at all. Those events, good or bad, are gone forever and won’t ever be returning.
It seems to be the only intelligent thing to do is to remember the past as much as is advantageous to us. For example, life is a great teacher, and you learn new things every day of life. You would be a fool not to take those lessons and not make the same mistakes again another time. So any worry, angst, heartbreak, denial, nostalgia, thought about the past is a waste of time because once it’s gone, you can’t change it, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. So accept it, learn from it, and move on because life is continuing, with or without you.
-Needless worries about our health- 12%
This is a difficult one because I think that everyone should be interested in being healthy physically and mentally. But, still, there is a difference between being healthy and worrying about our health needlessly.
To mean needless worrying relates to the previous two worries but specifically about our health. Worrying about every ache and pain is the beginning of some significant injury or illness.
You may, in fact, at some point contract an illness, but worrying about it is probably not going to stop it. You can take great care of yourself for your entire life and drop dead from a heart attack because of a defective aorta.
You can eat right and exercise every day and still contract cancer. The point is not that bad things might happen to your health, but worrying continually about them is only going to shorten your quality of life and make you miserable.
It seems the logical thing to do, is to take care of yourself as best you can and live your life. I don’t think you should stop working out or eating right, but not spend a significant amount of time worrying about what might happen to your health in the future.
What will happen is going to happen. Being in shape will only help you deal with things physically and mentally.
– Petty miscellaneous worries- 10%
These are the things that we worry about that are inconsequential to life. For example, worrying about what someone is saying about you, what they are making up about you, or being well-liked by coworkers, or if your physical appearance is appealing to everyone you meet.
Any of these types of worries are a foolish waste of time. Some people will like you, some are not, some will think you are attractive, and some will not, no matter what you do. You can spend hours worrying about how you look and what others you come in contact with think about you as a person, but do they know you in any natural way? Does their opinion matter? What you feel about yourself is what counts. You know what type of person you are. Are you honest? Do you talk about others? Do you spread rumors? Would you steal?
All of these questions and more are totally up to you to answer. And if you don’t like the honest answer you give yourself, you can make a choice to change that. It is never too late, and nobody is set in stone. We are all a victim of our experience, and we can choose to let those things dictate our character or not.
-Real legitimate worries-8%
Now, you should worry about some things, like if you have a place to live and food to eat. Suppose your basic needs are being met for you and your family. However, I still have an issue with the word worry, even in this capacity.
Because being concerned or responsible is not worrying. It is being concerned about the well-being of your family and loved ones and being responsible for them getting what they need. Worrying has never fed a child or ended any trouble. As humans, worry is one of the defense mechanisms that help us deal with the misfortunes that life will inevitably send our way.
This situation leaves 92% of all worry we do as totally useless and unhealthy!
“And this too shall pass.”
Quotes About Worry!
Worry is a misuse of imagination. ~Dan Zadra
If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones. ~Don Herold
Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. ~Mark Twain
Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday. ~Author Unknown
Let us be of good cheer, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those which will never happen. ~James Russel Lowell
If things go wrong, don’t go with them. ~Roger Babson
Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow. It only saps today of its joy. ~Leo Buscaglia
Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. ~Benjamin Franklin
If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep. ~Dale Carnegie
I’ve developed a new philosophy… I only dread one day at a time. ~Charlie Brown (Charles Schulz)
Troubles are a lot like people – they grow bigger if you nurse them. ~Author Unknown
If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today. ~E. Joseph Cossman
Nerves and butterflies are fine – they’re a physical sign that you’re mentally ready and eager. You have to get the butterflies to fly in formation, that’s the trick. ~Steve Bull
I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love and abundance. Then, whenever doubt, anxiety or fear try to call me, they keep getting a busy signal – and soon they’ll forget my number. ~Edith Armstrong
Nerves provide me with energy. They work for me. It’s when I don’t have them, when I feel at ease, that I get worried. ~Mike Nichols
I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief…. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free. ~Wendell Berry, “The Peace of Wild Things”
People gather bundles of sticks to build bridges they never cross. ~Author Unknown
You can’t wring your hands and roll up your sleeves at the same time. ~Pat Schroeder
The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. ~Elbert Hubbard, The Note Book, 1927
Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere. ~Glenn Turner
People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them. ~George Bernard Shaw, “Family Affection,” Parents and Children, 1914
Panic is a sudden desertion of us, and a going over to the enemy of our imagination. ~Christian Nevell Bovee
Somehow our devils are never quite what we expect when we meet them face to face. ~Nelson DeMille
For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe. ~Author Unknown
We experience moments absolutely free from worry. These brief respites are called panic. ~Cullen Hightower
If you treat every situation as a life and death matter, you’ll die a lot of times. ~Dean Smith
It only seems as if you are doing something when you’re worrying. ~Lucy Maud Montgomery
That the birds of worry and care fly over you head, you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, which you can prevent. ~Chinese Proverb
We can easily manage if we will only take, each day, the burden appointed to it. But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday’s burden over again today and then add the burden of the morrow before we are required to bear it. ~John Newton
Worry ducks when purpose flies overhead. ~Terri Guillemets
It is the little bits of things that fret and worry us; we can dodge an elephant but can’t a fly. ~Josh Billings
Worry, doubt, fear, and despair are the enemies which slowly bring us down to the ground and turn us to dust before we die. ~Attributed to Douglas MacArthur
Worry is an addiction that interferes with compassion. ~Deng Ming-Dao
You can never worry your way to enlightenment. ~Terri Guillemets
When you suffer an attack of nerves, you’re being attacked by the nervous system. What chance has a man got against a system? ~Russell Hoban
[A]ny concern too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden. ~Corrie Ten Boom, Clippings from My Notebook
I am reminded of the advice of my neighbor. “Never worry about your heart till it stops beating.” ~E.B. White
There are two days in the week about which and upon which I never worry… Yesterday and Tomorrow. ~Robert Jones Burdette
A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work. ~John Lubbock
As a rule, what is out of sight disturbs men’s minds more seriously than what they see. ~Julius Caesar
If worrying were an Olympic sport, you’d get the gold for sure. ~Stephenie Geist
I refuse to be burdened by vague worries. If something wants to worry me, it will have to make itself clear. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
Worry is rust upon the blade. ~Henry Ward Hughes
Anxiety is a deep conscious breath away from dissolving. ~Mike Dolan,www.hawaiianlife.com
Heavy thoughts bring on physical maladies; when the soul is oppressed so is the body. ~Martin Luther
I have learned to live each day as it comes and not to borrow trouble by dreading tomorrow. It is the dark menace of the future that makes cowards of us. ~Dorothy Day
Worry is a complete cycle of inefficient thought revolving around a pivot of fear. ~Author Unknown
Loneliness, insomnia, and change: the fear of these is even worse than the reality. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966
It is not the cares of today, but the considerations of tomorrow, that weigh a man down. ~George MacDonald
Oh, the nerves, the nerves; the mysteries of this machine called man! Oh the little that unhinges it, poor creatures that we are! ~Charles Dickens
Some patients I see are actually draining into their bodies the diseased thoughts of their minds. ~Zacharty Bercovitz
Some of your hurts you have cured, And the sharpest you still have survived, But what torments of grief you endured From the evil which never arrived. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. ~Mark Twain
I highly recommend worrying. It is much more effective than dieting. ~William Powell
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened. ~Michel de Montaigne
If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you. ~Calvin Coolidge
When one has too great a dread of what is impending, one feels some relief when the trouble has come. ~Joseph Joubert
Some men storm imaginary Alps all their lives, and die in the foothills cursing difficulties which do not exist. ~Edgar Watson Howe
How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened. ~Thomas Jefferson
When I really worry about something, I don’t just fool around. I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something. Only, I don’t go. I’m too worried to go. I don’t want to interrupt my worrying to go. ~J.D. Salinger,Catcher in the Rye
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained. ~Arthur Somers Roche
We have to fight them daily, like fleas, those many small worries about the morrow, for they sap our energies. ~Etty Hillesum
There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them. ~Josh Billings
Only man clogs his happiness with care, destroying what is with thoughts of what may be. ~John Dryden
Love looks forward, hate looks back, anxiety has eyes all over its head. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960
Worry is interest paid on trouble before it comes due. ~William Ralph Inge
There are more things, Lucilius, that frighten us than injure us, and we suffer more in imagination than in reality. ~Seneca
We are more disturbed by a calamity which threatens us than by one which has befallen us. ~John Lancaster Spalding
We are, perhaps, uniquely among the earth’s creatures, the worrying animal. We worry away our lives. ~Lewis Thomas, The Medusa and the Snail, 1979
A hundred load of worry will not pay an ounce of debt. ~George Herbert
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. ~Thomas A. Edison
Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow. ~Swedish Proverb
Never bear more than one kind of trouble at a time. Some people bear three – all they have had, all they have now, and all they expect to have. ~Edward Everett Hale
Like many new things that have come from technology, I have often been slow to a, ccept them, I once swore I would never get a cell phone, now like everybody else in the world, my cellphone is my lifeline to the world. Call me, text me, check Facebook, all involves my cell phone. That is kind of how my unhealthy relationship with Netflix began.
Hank Med, How can we make you feel so much better today?
I first heard of Netflix when they came out and thought, “That’s dumb, I would never use that.” Since I am somewhat stubborn I stuck with that until about two years ago, I bit and signed up for the free month trial. I was skeptical because I didn’t think that there was any television show or movie that I would like enough to want to watch each episode of. What I found was not only would I like it, I would become obsessed with it.
It all began innocently enough, I liked the show Royal Pains and wanted to catch up on the doings of Hank Med, so I got those DVD’s first, and at the time you could get dvds in the mail and stream shows. The first Royal Pains DVD had an episode of a show called Psych on it, which I had heard of but never seen. It was humerous so the next day I started streaming the first episode of Psych.
We Love Psychic Detectives
This article is called Netflix OCD because much like a person with OCD who can’t control their compulsive behavior, I could not control my viewing of this show. I had to keep watching, each episode in order, in every spare moment. I would watch at night and bargain with myself, “OK it is 1 o’clock in the morning and you have to work tomorrow, only one more episode then that’s it for today.” Two episodes later I would finally pass out and that would be that.
Finally the day came that I finished all of the episodes of Psych that existed. I was finished. Perhaps now it would end, my Netflix OCD would end. That didn’t happen.
Greek Cast
I got hooked on shows that I knew were dumb, but started watching and couldn’t stop. Greek was one of these. I know college isn’t like that but I found it fascinating to watch. I was hooked and the pattern continued.
Then came The Guardian, which was a short lived show with only three seasons about a stuffy lawyer in Pittsburgh of all places. Simon Baker of the Mentalist was the star and I found the show riveting as the producers and directors clearly searched for a cast that would make the show go and stories that would interest an audience. Finally ending with the two stars having a baby with down syndrome.
Don’t Mess With Brenda Lee Johnson!
The next show was In Plain Site. It was about two US Marshals and the people that they protected. There were only three seasons of this so for me that is a momentary distraction. I moved on to the Closer and watched all of the seasons available on that little treasure. I was in a full blown addiction and didn’t want to be cured.
I would even watch series that I didn’t particularly like like Saving Grace. Nice premise, but characters totally unlikable and stupid. I was glad when that was over, and I could stop watching. Then I started watching Scrubs.
Finally I had to do something before my life was consumed with old shows like Magnum PI and WKRP in Cincinnati. So I quit cold turkey and started to read books instead. I was running out of things to watch anyway. Hopefully someday I will be able to handle the power of Netflix in a more healthy way, but for now I am going to have to keep going to Netflix anonymous and trying to find my entertainment in books.
Related articles
Netflix: The One Mistake That Might Haunt Them Forever
More On-Demand Goodness: “Adventure Time,” “Robot Chicken,” More Coming To Netflix
It is a battle of wills most days regarding the circumstances we see and the perspective we want to see. Resistance is the refusal to accept or comply with something or attempt to prevent something from happening. Your strength can come from action or argument. Things are not left to unfold as they should because we have a set outcome we would like to see in our heads. When you have this outcome in your mind, all other results are unacceptable and will cause a problem in your reality. It is hard to know what you want, set an intention to get it, and only accept one path to get there. Learning to see our resistance to things is vital to growing as a person. Resistance is futile when it comes to seeing the results of events. They will happen eventually, the way they are meant to be. You can fight against them and dislike the results, or you can learn to enjoy the ride. It is also true in accepting things in life. They may seem like “bad” things at first, but all items can bring good to your life in time. Work with them.
stop us from enjoying the good things coming into our lives.
the world figured out, and the cause and effect relationship of our lives will lead to the desired future results. In short, if I do x,y, and z, then the result will be fixed and predictable. Wouldn’t it be nice if the world worked like this?
Netflix: The One Mistake That Might Haunt Them Forever
More On-Demand Goodness: “Adventure Time,” “Robot Chicken,” More Coming To Netflix
5 Things to Watch on Netflix This Weekend