Tag Archives: Emotions

22

Learning About Your Emotions

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How one deals with trauma, disappointment, anger, and frustration is a part of everyone’s life experience. The emotions that naturally arrive with each of these events in life are often the cause of many problems we carry throughout our lives. Learning to express our emotional pain and distress positively and healthily can lead to everyone’s further enjoyment of life. The inability to process emotions we feel healthily may lead to a lifetime of trauma, disappointment, and confusion.

Learning to express our emotional pain and distress positively and healthily can lead to robust life enjoyment. The inability to process emotions we feel healthily may lead to a lifetime of trauma, unhappiness, and poor health. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Emotions As Enemies

In my youth, I learned that feelings were enemies. Not overtly, but subtly through my life experience. My male role models taught me that you should keep your

Our feelings can hurt us more than any foe if we don’t know how to deal with them.

Emotions in and not shown to the world. Since I never spoke of what I felt, I was left to guess for a reason, but as a young person, I believed it was because anger, sadness, shame, and frustration were terrible things that showed a person’s weakness. So I learned to put on a smile and keep my disappointments in life to myself. I was an expert at putting the uncomfortable things in a place where they couldn’t reach me, but I didn’t realize that they would always be a part of me until I learned to deal with them constructively.

Emotions are a natural result of life and work to help us determine what behaviors we resonate with through our actions. Painful emotions tell us something is wrong, but that “thing” was never us, just what happened to us. The lack of communication around our negative emotions and the events or thoughts that cause them leads to most of our problems in life.

Embracing all parts of ourselves, including the uncomfortable parts of emotions, is essential for health. Nobody lives without having a negative thought.

Learning to Deal with Emotions

Too often, it seems like people choose to either obsess over emotions or numb themselves through alcohol or drugs. The problem with these techniques is that the negative feeling is still.

Learning to deal with emotions and talk about them is one of the healthiest things we can do.

Waiting to be dealt with becomes a destructive part of your life. Being happy is hard when you carry so much anger, frustration, or shame.

There are many resources out there that can help you deal with your emotional baggage healthily, and links at the end of this article to help you. Here are a few that I think are effective for me.

  1. Journaling or creating something artistic to help you express what is happening inside. Emotions can be difficult to communicate, and images or other artistic creations can allow for a healthy expression of things that bother us.
  2. Learning to recognize unhealthy or harmful thought patterns or practices, accept them, and learn how to let them go gently out of your life, relieves emotional pain.
  3. Understand the role that pain has in a healthy life. It can be a catalyst for growth and teaches resilience. Minor health issues provide the experience to deal with more significant difficulties later in life.
  4. Seek the help of others. Find someone who can guide your emotional health if you don’t know how to deal with what you are experiencing. Speak about your pain to someone, which will help you release it. A professional counselor or therapist is a great option. Never be afraid to ask for help; it isn’t a sign of weakness; it is a tool to allow you to live a fulfilling life.
  5. Practice forgiveness- learn to forgive yourself and forgive others for anything they did that hurt you. Carrying around pain and anger will only weigh you down and, from my experience, stop you from becoming happy in life.
  6. Talk about it. Tell someone you trust how you are feeling. It is a simple but effective way of dealing with things.

Suppose our challenges today stem from some emotional issues that haven’t been dealt with appropriately. Shouldn’t our educational system teach kids how to manage youth’s emotional roller coaster rides?

Learning to accept emotions and deal with emotional issues more healthily allows for many of the blocks in life to be eliminated, allowing a healthy expression of yourself and providing your gift to the world. That is a good thing.

22

The Process in My Life

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Process– a series of actions or steps to achieve a particular end.

While finding positive words to focus my awareness on each day, I have been amazed at how each day works and treats everyone, including myself, a little better.  It has also allowed me to look at life events and let go of the things that don’t matter.  Each day, our focus is on four things: our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions.  That is the process I have used and one I think you might find helpful to focus on. It allows you to be aware of the process happening in you, and for most, you can grow from noticing this process in your own life. The process is happening to us all, whether we see it or not.

Thoughts Are the Thing

It always begins with our thoughts.  A thought is an idea we produce, and it seems to appear suddenly in our brain. People have thousands of views every day, a virtual stream of thought.  But we don’t notice them without a little effort.  When you start to pay attention to them, you see that your thoughts’ tenor directly controls your mood. If you have thoughts of love and positiveness, your attitude is cheerful. If you are focused on fear, your mood is more on the opposing side.  Which ideas you pay attention to is totally up to you.

Since each thought leads to a corresponding emotion, the words we use, and the actions we take. Nothing could be more important than choosing the ideas we want to represent us. If you are not aware of the thoughts you are choosing, someone or something else may be picking them for you. Another person, or worse yet, some pop culture influence, might be deciding your mood, the words you use, and the actions you take. Be vigilant of your thoughts, and make sure they represent you.

Emotional Responses

There is a direct connection between your thoughts and your emotions. Each study has an emotional reply. If you are thinking thoughts of fear, then your feelings will be on the negative side too.  If you are afraid your needs aren’t being met somehow, anger is often the response.

Emotional Sayings About Life Love Feelings And Emotions Quotes Very Sad Quotes Pictures – QUOTES MORNING

Anger is fear exposed to the world. Watch an angry person from a distance, and you can see the thoughts driving them. The same is for people who are calm in the face of adversity. Their opinions are not of fear but love.  That means kindness, acceptance, unselfishness, benevolence, or friendship can all spring from this type of thought.

There are some emotions to avoid, and the thoughts that lead you there are the key to doing so. Notice your idea and release it; pay no attention to it, find a more positive thing to think about, and a more positive emotion will arise. Feelings to avoid: Rejection, anger, frustrations, loneliness, depression, failure, humiliation, or guilt are excellent places to start.  Each of these comes from the thoughts you entertain in your head about your situation. Look at your situation honestly, take responsibility, and then take positive steps forward. These emotions do no good for you or anyone else. Learn the thoughts that connect you to these emotions, and you will have a key to a more positive life.

Words are Magic

Words can bring great beauty to the world or burn down a paradise. How you use words reflects your mood, character, and the effect you have on the world.  Some use their words for good, and those that use their words for fear.  Do you speak well of others? Or do you use your words to insult or diminish them? Notice the words you use in all situations; you will have a clear view of your inner beliefs and the fears you must overcome.  All spoken comments have power, and that charge is either positive or negative.  What you focus on in life generally shows up.

If you are consciously speaking to others about kindness, prosperity, good health, and wealth, then it makes sense that those things will show up in your life. Speak with others well, and give them your support as they experience the complex parts of life. Words have a vibration to them and will carry that to those you speak with.  It is always your choice whether your words will be a good experience for someone else or not.  It all starts with being conscious of the thoughts you are thinking and being in control of them, rather than the other way around.  Manage your words.

Actions Speak the Loudest!!

Actions are the final result of our thoughts and are the truth serum for things. You can control your words, but your actions can wipe out any good thing you created.  To be a hypocrite, saying one thing and doing another shows the world where your true feelings lie.  All of your actions will come from your conscious mind. It tells you how to behave, what you should do, and how you should do it.  Your thoughts will determine everything from the route you take to your work to how you eat your dinner.

This is the end of the process, as you move from thoughts to emotions to words that all result in actions. What have you done today? How much of it was an accurate representation of you? How much was a representation of what someone else might think?  Hopefully, it is all about your thought because that means you are on the right path. If not, it is not too late.  Stop doing the things that are unhealthy, mean, or bad for your overall life. Train your mind to focus on what you want in your life, and those things will start to show up in your actions.

Be aware of the thought process and how it will affect your life.  Be vigilant and consistent in the tone of your thoughts because those thoughts will lead to the life you have.  There is no way around that. It is difficult to be happy when negative thoughts are running your life.  Focus on positive reviews and let them permeate your life. Let the process work for you and not against you.  Thought-Emotions-Words-Actions. 

“A little thought and a little kindness are often worth more than a great deal of money.”- John Ruskin.

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”- Aristotle.

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought, and the study has found words.- Robert Frost

22

What We Believe is True

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What do you truly believe in? Where did these beliefs come from? Our lives are run on the things we are sure are true, and for the most part, those truths were taught to us a long time ago by our parents, adults, school, peers, relatives, society, religion, or just on our own observational experience.

Once accepted, these thoughts are put in the category of absolutely true, never to be examined or questioned again. You were programmed early in life about the things “good” and “bad” people do and how you fit into those scenarios. We accept these beliefs as valid and rarely do we challenge or adjust them. I am urging you today to take some time and evaluate your opinions. Are they empowering or disempowering? Are they true? Or are they faulty programming that needs to be rebooted? Let’s look honestly at your programming.

Know Your Programming

What we believe about ourselves, our abilities, and the world is a choice, and that choice dictates much of our experience and how we perceive it. Some people were taught to believe the religion they follow is the only “right” belief at the exclusion of all others. There are many reasons for this, but most importantly, it was taught to them. Other people believe one’s racial background has a bearing on the quality of an individual a person is. These are both examples of beliefs people are taught, and if they are never placed in a situation that disproves them, they will never expand their lives to be more inclusive.

Looking at the beliefs, we are programmed with is difficult because our lives are pinned together by the ideas we carry in our minds. We believe that most of what we think is an indisputable truth, Not just a strong opinion we were taught. This truth can be a little frightening. But it is also liberating. A great place to start is to look at what you believe and see what separates you from others. Separation is an illusion created by humans to control other humans. Religion, race, nationality, regionalism, or anything that separates us probably has limited programming behind it.

Change Your Programming

This change can happen and should be sought continually throughout life. The learning process should never end. Start by looking at yourself and understanding the things that limit you. Is it money? Relationships? Or something else? Whatever it is that you have trouble succeeding at, look deeply at what you believe, and there is a belief there that is holding you back. It could have been something someone said or the general prevailing attitude your family had about what is limiting you. We accept the thoughts as accurate without question, and they are adopted into our subconscious thoughts. We never question them. Live life like they were right. The problem is that even when you want to change, nothing is going to change unless you address this programming. Change is always tricky, but knowing where you want to go is a start. If you’re going to be more financially successful, look at what you think about money and those who have it. Often the programming is subtle, and we picked it up before we were seven years old. You are finding it, understanding it, and recognizing the differences between where you are and where you want to be. There are excellent resources on how to change your beliefs, which do a much better job than I can in this short post. Read this resource here. 

When you Question a Belief

If you genuinely believe that one religion is superior to another in moral code or rewards in the afterlife, meet with many other faiths rather than try to convert everyone to your train of thought. Learn about their traditions and beliefs. Many people speak of their faith as the final word on salvation. Rather than understand other religions, they dismiss them and chastise them as wrong. This intolerance is an excellent example of separation, and being separate is negative. We choose to stay apart because it is safe in our minds, but to expand our thoughts will never be a bad thing.

It is tough to understand all of the many beliefs we carry around in the matrix that is our minds. But you can do it with a little consistent effort. First, you have to become conscious of what you think and how it makes you feel. All thoughts lead to corresponding emotions. It doesn’t matter what it is, and the feeling will always rise because of what you are thinking. Ask yourself what about that thought provides that particular emotion. If you do not like your feelings around any idea, you can choose to change them.

Why It’s Important

I believe we are all born with a purpose to achieve in life, and our programming often moves that purpose into the background. The further we are from our mission, the less we enjoy the circumstances of our lives. Many people live a large portion of their life under false programming, only to realize later that it was a lie and we were meant for something else. That is a painful realization, but it can help change you and bring your soul’s purpose that you were born with closer to your focus.

To find this purpose will be something that feels good to you, and to move further away from it is painful. It is that simple, to be who you indeed are. It is not a job, or something you own, your age, ethnicity, or anything else. It is who you are. I always wish that it was clearly labeled on our forearms so we could quickly seek it, but part of life’s journey is to remember exactly who you are and become that person again, regardless of the many obstacles that life puts in your way. Change your thoughts, and you will change your programming and move closer to your original self.

“You begin to fly when you let go of self-limiting beliefs and allow your mind and aspirations to rise to greater heights.” ―Brian Tracy

“Don’t limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve.” ―Mary Kay Ash

“Do just once what others say you can’t do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.” ―James Cook

“Learning too soon our limitations, we never learn our powers.” —Mignon McLaughlin

“Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world.” —Arthur Schopenhauer

 

22

The Ocean Connection

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Ocean- a vast expanse of sea, in particular, each of the main areas into which the sea is divided geographically.

The Ocean is home.

The Ocean must be a strange concept to those who have never visited its shores and seen its vast waters. A sea is a place that draws people toward it and provides solace, advice, and comfort than most other sites. Why is the Ocean such a magnet for peaceful feelings? I think that if you have a history near one, it is in your essence, and you are continually connected to it.

There is something magical there connecting in us that knows our inside thoughts. Powerful thoughts are realized looking into the waves, and somehow they don’t seem so distant or unattainable. Whatever your attraction, the Ocean is a big part of many lives, and being conscious of its pull and power can allow a person’s consciousness to rise. It all starts with paying attention to your thoughts, words, and actions when you visit this expanse of nature. 

Ocean, The Counselor

When the worst happens, and there are no answers another person can give you, the Ocean has a way of providing reliable counsel to those who come to its side. Ocean therapy calms you down with the soft, continuous pounding of the waves, the sea breeze in your face. The faint call of gulls in the distance carries your worries away with them as they dive for a meal. Then float confidently on the water. Challenges are a part of life, but looking at something more significant than any problem we will ever face builds special confidence in people. We may just have a hidden power underneath our surface, and tapping into that power will allow you to grow.

There is a comfort that comes from visiting the Ocean in the smell of the salt in the air,  and the experience seems to take all the negativity in life away with its ever-rising and falling tides. You feel as if you can toss all of your problems in the churning water, and they will disappear beneath the waves and be lost in the mass of ocean depth. If you seek the peace of mind, look for it in the Ocean.

Ocean the Connector

The Ocean connects all things in the world. When you look out on the vast, seemingly never-ending sea in front of you, it encompasses everything. But you know that out there somewhere, all of life is happening. Boats are sailing, fish are swimming, and on the other side, someone is more than likely looking back at you. Wondering how it is all connected, just like you.

You can connect with someone who has left your life and moved on, only living in your memory. I have been able to find those who have passed away, but still, their voices and a connection can be found by looking into the sea. The link is there as you contemplate its depths, all of those voices of the oceans of people you have known speak to you. All you have to do is listen. That is one of the many magical qualities of the mighty waters. What or whom you seek,  there you will often find. Our thoughts seem to be carried throughout the range of the Ocean to other places. There is reassurance in that.

Ocean the  Energy Source

With such an extensive collection of moving water, there will be energy produced that draws people. It is a natural flow that you can feel by being near, on, or in the water. There is nothing negative about this natural energy, and that is why it feels good to visit. You may not understand it, but you know the Ocean is a place of rejuvenation, and it can transfer its power into your soul.

Even if you don’t believe this, it doesn’t matter. The irrefutable fact is that the Ocean changes you. It gets in your soul, and if you contemplate the meaning in life, the sea is one of nature’s most exceptional assistants. If it is hot and sunny, the Ocean cools you down and makes you calm. If it is cold, the sea is still there rolling along, offering its advice for all people to take advantage of in their lives. There are few places so positively charged. It stuns me how often people live near this authoritative source of wonder and pay no attention at all.

So raising your consciousness today, look at the natural wonders around you. If you live near the Ocean, visit that old friend. Be one of the people in the world who notices the power and change that can come from this vast expanse of sea. And it all starts with your thoughts about the magnificence of the Ocean. The emotions attached to your ideas. The words you speak of and around it. And the actions you take in your life because of it. The shore is the waiting room for peace and wonder, and you don’t even have to make an appointment.

“We are tied to the Ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch – we are going back from whence we came.”
John F. Kennedy

“The ocean stirs the heart, inspires the imagination, and brings eternal joy to the soul.”
Robert Wyland

“The cure for anything is saltwater: sweat, tears, or the sea.”
Isak Dinesen

 

21

Emotional

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Through this human experience, we are inundated daily with all sorts of emotions.  Emotions are defined as: “a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.” They are our feelings, and unless you learn how to deal with them, they will deal with you.

These are things we face every moment of every day, but very few people look at what their emotions mean or, more importantly, what they are trying to communicate to us.  Emotions control much of what we do and how we relate to others in our lives. Take a moment and investigate how your feelings are affecting your daily existence.  Why are they so important? Where do they come from? How can we deal with them more helpfully? These answers will help you function more truly and honestly in your life.  You will cease to be at the mercy of the seemingly random appearance of your emotions because you will know where they come from.   You are not your emotions of love or anger or fear; how you react to them makes you who you are.

Why Emotions Are Important

Our emotions come from our thoughts, and most often, our thoughts are a reaction to the experience we are having or, more often, to experiences we had in the past. As we experience our daily lives, situations arise which stimulate thoughts. We have a complete memory bank of skills. When something happening now reminds us of something from the past, emotions are triggered, like a warning about suffering or pleasure from history that we might repeat shortly.  Anger, for example, is the face of fear. We get angry when thoughts that might not meet our needs are front and center in our minds. Many people get into the habit of using anger as a default to getting what they want, getting mad any time anyone challenges them, or not going exactly the way they want. These emotional responses are not healthy because, over time, anger takes its toll on your body, and more significantly, your relationships. Nobody wants to spend quality time with a ticking time bomb.

Our emotions tell us things that words can’t articulate, and learning to decipher these feelings rather than react mindlessly to them gives us a chance to be better and create healthier relationships. Start to look at your emotions pragmatically, from the perspective of, where did this come from? What is it you are feeling, and why do you feel this way right now? Every thought comes complete with a corresponding emotional response. Emotions are important because they are away. We communicate with the world and ourselves.  To ignore or suppress your feelings is a good recipe for poor mental and physical health. What is inside of you and how you feel will eventually come to the surface. You can decide if it is through a gentle investigation of how you think or an explosion of emotional steam after weeks, months, or years of psychological repression. Take care of your emotions, and they will take care of you. Listen to them, and they will provide you with a direction of where you need to go.

Watching Emotions

Rather than let your emotions dictate your words, actions, and life experience, the moment you feel them, take a minute and allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Our bodies are excellent because they think the stimulus from outside is like hot and cold, but also feel an incentive that comes from inside, like happy or sad. Rather than being controlled by your emotions, take a second and let it be there. The sentiment is a feeling or response, and you can sit back and observe it. What is causing it? What is the stimulus of this thing? It could be a link to some experience from your childhood, which is irrelevant today. When you can observe the emotion, you are no longer part of that response. You are separate from it.

Doing this successfully will allow you to investigate what is going on inside of you at that moment.  Watch the thoughts you are thinking, which have the emotion attached.  Watch your inner world unfold and ask questions about the genesis of your emotional responses. Doing this will allow you to understand yourself better and relate to the world and those in it.  Being effective at this will allow you the chance to become more in charge of your emotional health. Although you will never be able to control your emotions, you can understand how to work with them healthily and use the information they are sending you. Rather than just reacting in a mindless, subconscious way.  It takes time and effort to do this, but it will give you a better understanding of yourself and others when you become better at this.

Documenting Your Emotions

To start to practice this, you need to take some simple action. Start by documenting your emotions. Look back at your day and write down when you had an intense emotional response. Notice these feelings and how they affected you. Then follow it to its roots. What was the situation? What was said? Who was there? What were you thinking? Which of your thoughts are tied to which emotional response? All of this information is available to you every day and in all situations. You have to be willing to investigate, document, and get to know yourself in the emotional realm.  Each time you put your emotions down on paper, you will build a more reliable connection with yourself, where you came from, and what it is that you need to deal with. Negative emotions are dangerous to your health, and of course, your relationships, and to be at their mercy makes you a reactor to life.

When you know which situations or thoughts lead you to love, fear, sadness, happiness, or any other emotion, then you are in control of things. Isn’t anxiety a response to thoughts that create fear? Look for the ideas that put you in a negative emotional state and shine a light on them. Explore them. Understand them. Like a monster under the bed, a little light will reveal that you are spending your time entertaining unnecessary thoughts of fear. There is a freedom that comes from understanding yourself in all facets because understanding and knowledge are always the keys to power, and in this case, it is your power.

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”-Horace Walpole.

“Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.”-Elizabeth Gilbert.

“We all live at the mercy of our emotions. Our emotions influence and shape our desires, thoughts, and behaviors and above all our destiny.”-Dr. T.P.Chia

 

21

Suffering

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There are two sides to every coin, and in my life, I have found joy on one side and suffering on the other. The pain appears as the worst of things to experience in life and should be avoided at all costs.

Although I agree it is something that is not pleasant, it provides a necessary function for people. I wish things were always easy, and there was nothing but joy in my experience, but life offers difficult obstacles for each of us to overcome. How we think about our experience will bring us suffering or lessons. Pain is a choice of how we feel about each situation we are in life. It is a natural and inevitable part of life. We will have catastrophic loss and sadness in our lives. How we deal with it will define much of who we are and how successfully we live our lives. Your suffering is a choice and one I have made all too often.

Crutches of Life

Crutches are everywhere in life. These are things in our experience that limit us in one way or another. Some fall prey to wild pleasures and excesses in life, which distract you from your purpose and determine what can be accomplished. Others find jobs that are just enough above water to be acceptable but will never allow you to grow into the person you could be. All crutches of the world we adopt to “help” get us through life will cause suffering and move us further from ourselves. Life can seem like a prison if we let it. Keeping us confined to a particular place and set of circumstances. This limit is only the case if you choose to allow it. Or you can choose to be free in your actions and your mind.

Limiting my options is a game I played from early on. Allowing others to put their labels on me and the corresponding limits from the earliest moments in life. “You just aren’t athletic.” “That’s nice, but you will never make a living from it.” “You just aren’t very book smart.” Or one of a million other limiting statements I accepted as crutches and eventually even stopped questioning. Any belief that I have allowed to limit me in any way needed to be reevaluated and changed, even in a small way, because these are the chains that life has put on you, and you won’t eliminate the suffering they cause until you change them.

This reaction is a choice, and it isn’t as difficult as most would have you believe. Change is a constant and inevitable part of life, and you can fight against it or learn to choose to move with it. Ending this limiting suffering is a race between your mental capacities and your biological limitations. Some will win, and some will not. Which side will you be on?

Becoming Your True Self

All people are born with a purpose in life. All of those intentions are positive, and there is some message to bring or a goal to accomplish before our time is done. Unfortunately, we are almost immediately piled with expectations and experiences that push us further from that mission. The programming we receive is mainly in the name of love but delivered in the voice of fear. Parents generally want the best for their children, but often their idea of precisely what the “Best” means can make your choices seem “worst,” even if you are following your heart. Chasing your dreams is your life; nobody else’s.

The suffering that this can cause is lifelong and painful. With each step, a person takes in the direction of someone else’s expectations the further they get from their true self, and soon that person you were born is hidden behind a lot of trees and weeds. It can be challenging to find your way back. The further you have moved from your true essence, the higher the suffering is going to be. It seems like the journey back to who you are is never too far to reach or too late to start looking. The limits we accept are the ones that will affect us. So begin today looking for what message you were born to send and what gift you have to give.

Loss and Suffering

To live life and love others opens you up for the loss, which leads to suffering. If you have lost someone close to you, you know this kind of pain is a painful experience nobody wants to have. But life is a tenuous experience with no guarantees. We never know when the ride will be over should. It is easy to get lost in the routines of the days and take things for granted. Each day is a gift. Open it! Be motivated to do what you want to do, be with those that make you happy, and enjoy every moment.

Not only are the days a gift, but you should take the time to look at the beauty of your day. All the people in our lives are precious too. It is human nature to take things for granted, only realizing how consequential or special someone was when they had left us. Then we mourn the loss. Which is natural, but there is an opportunity every day to celebrate all those in your life, contributing to the experience of living life. It is a short ride, this life, and it makes no sense to spend the bulk of it in misery when you don’t have to. Spend it in appreciation of the magic that is you and your unique presence.

Emotional Rescue

We will all have emotions that bring us down. Anger and fear are natural reactions to life when you start to look at things from the perspective of, “What am I getting out of this?” Then you have to learn to deal with it and either let it consume you or change your thoughts, emotions, and actions to something more positive. I know it sounds natural, and when you feel anger or fear, it isn’t too easy to change. But YOU can modify it by looking at the thoughts causing your suffering and changing them to something else.

Find something or someone who brings out the positive in you. It seems like much of our suffering comes from our feelings of inadequacy, and to change means doing something more worthwhile. Learn what your emotions are telling you and how to change them from negative to positive for you, and you will find a tool to help you end some daily pain nobody needs to deal with in life.

Suffering is a message in life that we are attached to something temporary in a permanent way. Nothing in life is stable, and that is what makes it unique. So the choice is up to you in the end as it always is, spend your time suffering or spend your time in joy. It is all up to you.

“Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but the greatness of mind.” Aristotle

“The reward of suffering is experience.” –Harry S Truman

“Suffering by nature or chance never seems so painful as suffering inflicted on us by the arbitrary will of another.”- Arthur Schopenhauer

“Suffering is but another name for the teaching of experience, which is the parent of instruction and the schoolmaster of life.” Horace

“Suffering is the substance of life and the root of personality, for it is only suffering that makes us persons.” – Miguel de Unamuno

 

 

21

A Purpose

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Change Improvement Development Adjust Transform Concept

Life is the most valuable thing you have. Even when your emotions bring you down and things are not very enjoyable, you still have an opportunity to allow your most positive ideas to permeate your existence. We all have down days because we are human, and in that existence comes with imperfections as a part of the bargain. But there are some things we can keep in mind which will allow us to make our lives happier and more fulfilling.  It starts with your purpose in life, and whatever that is, you are the expression of that. It is to be better than I was yesterday, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Not miles better, but at least 0.01% better.  I am not sure I accomplish this every day, but I try to, and that seems to make a difference. What is your purpose? Where does your daily focus lie?

What’s Your Offer

The people you meet in your life will take on a reflection of your projected emotional attitudes and beliefs.  If you think all people are judgmental, mean, short-sighted, and narrow-minded, then that is what you are going to see in those you meet.  If you believe that people are mostly good and are not in life for purely selfish reasons, have open minds, open hearts, and kindness, then that is what you most often will find. Think about what you are offering the world with your attitude each day, and if you doubt, look at the people they meet, they are mirroring that attitude right back at you.

What you offer the world is going to determine your experience in it. If you are focused on yourself alone, what’s in it for you, and all of your thoughts revolve around you. Then the world is going to be an experience of selfishness. Conversely, suppose you look for what you can give to others in general. In that case, the world is a kind, open place with a seemingly unlimited reservoir of adventure and exciting happenings. This happens because you offer the world your best self and look for what you can contribute, not for what you can take.  Make your best offer to the world every day, even when you don’t feel like it.

Choices  Made

Our lives are a consequence of our decisions from the day we were capable of choice until the day it all ends. When you see something that isn’t quite where you want to be, it is easy to point the finger at this factor or that person, but the truth is the responsibility for it all lies right in the mirror, staring back at you.  Your current employment is a result of your choices, as the future employment you are going to have will be. Your relationships are a result of your preferences as well. If you are angry or hurt, it is your choice to speak of it or bury it underneath.  Things that are hidden underneath never stay there and seem to cause all sorts of problems in life. And life is all about choices.

The best thing is that we always have the option to make a different choice and change the direction of our life at any moment.  If you made one poor choice or ten poor choices, it is time to make a different selection if they are not serving your life.  You don’t have to complete a course on decisions or talk it over with someone else.  Make a different choice, and your life will become something different. Many say it isn’t that simple, but we become attached to our beliefs and thoughts and can’t imagine it is that simple to change. But if you give it a try, look at a choice you have been making, which doesn’t serve you, and choose a different option that will bring you towards being the person you want to be.  See what happens.

Finally

A change in choice will lead to a shift in what you are aware of and personal growth in life.  That shift in awareness can allow you to take a negative situation and see the opportunities it presents.  A job you dislike can propel you toward a career that is fulfilling and powerful. Every problem in life has contained the spark of success that can change everything for the better. We need to look at the issue as a challenge presented to make us better people and raise our awareness of our talents and skills.

As our awareness grows, we move along the path to new happiness levels and toward inner peace.  All of the issues that continually reappear give us another chance to choose a different outcome and put lessons hard-learned into practice.

“When you find your WHY, you don’t hit snooze no more! You find a way to make it happen!”- Eric Thomas

“We all have a purpose in life, and when you find yours, you will recognize it.”- Catherine Pulsifer

“Success demands singleness of purpose.” – Vince Lombardi

“Anything and everything you have experienced has been purposeful; it has brought you to where you are now.”- Lyla Vanzandt

The lessons I have learned through hard times and good times are all encapsulated in this song. One of my all-time favorites. When you dream, dream big…………

 

Life

Perception

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Our perception of situations will dictate all of our actions and the emotions we feel in any case. We don’t often pay attention to that any situation provides perceptions in any number of different ways.  Each viewpoint brings other emotions, a different thought process, and a different reality to the perceiver.  So how you perceive things in your mind will directly affect the fact that you experience.  So it is essential to understand your perception is one of the keys to consciousness and creation.  Look at your thoughts, words, and actions in any situation and see if you perceive it negatively or positively. You do have a choice because perception is an ongoing process of cause and effect.

Negative Perception

Our perception is a direct result of our thought process. When a situation occurs, we immediately provide a thought to it, leading to emotion. That emotion leads to chemicals released into the brain and neural pathways created.  If your view is directly about fear, lack, anger, judgment, or any other negative emotion, your brain is hardwiring to build a negative perception of this experience.  Usually, it seems there is a fear of being hurt at some level and that self-preservation drives our natural comprehension. But only if you don’t take control.

Turning around negative perceptions is as simple as changing your mind.  Easy to say, challenging to do, but anyone can accomplish this if they try.  The key is to be in touch with your emotions. People don’t feel angry, threatened, sad, happy, joyous, or anything else for no reason. There is always a catalyst event that causes emotion.  Look at the reason you are feeling the way you are. It is still the thought you attach to in any situation. Changing your thoughts is a conscious process.

Feel a negative emotion welling up. Stop! Just for a second and recognize the catalyst for negative perception. It is a replay of some experience. Can you let it go? Situations contain the charge of negativity or positivity based on our understanding alone.  Can you look at the circumstances and release the negative and relax into a more positive emotion.  Peace, love, kindness, gratitude, excitement, or hope are good examples of positive emotions.

Positive Perceptions

Once you recognize the negative and replace it with positive alternatives, your neural pathways will be built, which reflect this.  Many people seem to spend much of their lives focused on the negative of everything they see. Fighting with people for no other reason than to prove they are right.  Right and wrong is only one’s perception and letting go of the emotions around what other people think differently from you is healthy and necessary to build your consciousness.

No matter how intelligent you feel you are or how much you think you understand the world, you have little control over the perceptions of others. We are all playing the same game, but we most likely are at different locations on the board.  Perceive others with kindness and understanding rather than judgment. If you let someone else dictate your emotions, you lose your power. Keep your potential by controlling how you perceive the experiences in your life — kindness, hope, caring, understanding, acceptance, gratitude, and love.

You do You

People seem to invest a lot of time to attempt to control the perception that others have of them. This view creates through social media; people show the best sides and create an image they want you to perceive. It seems like we would do a lot better in the world by just being ourselves and letting everyone else be who they are.  Social media is addictive because it allows you to both be a voyeur into the lives of others and to create snap judgments about others.

Worry about yourself because that is the only person you can control. Your experiences and your thoughts about them are a single perception that matters.  Spending time in judgment is negative and limits your ability to create positively. Make choices that honor you, that you are proud of and can stand behind.  There is no need to force your beliefs on another because it doesn’t matter what they think. That is their perception. Let them grow in their way.  Focus on your perception, and it starts with your thoughts, words, and actions. 

“It is above all by the imagination that we achieve perception and compassion and hope.” Ursula K. Le Guin

“The difference between ordinary people and achieving people is their perception of and response to failure.”   John C. Maxwell

Perception-the ability to see, hear or become aware of something through the senses.

 

21

Emotional

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How does an event or situation make you feel?

Research indicates when people are feeling physical pain, general malaise, and chronic weariness, the cause can be linked to unexpressed emotion.  As a society, and primarily as men, we don’t learn how to adequately express our feelings or even notice the message they are trying to send us.

Uncomfortable or painful experiences are often pushed to the back burner of our minds because it is more comfortable at the moment to ignore rather than deal with the feelings they cause.  Unfortunately, these feelings still exist in our lives, even if we ignore them.  Learning to process our emotions healthily will increase our physical health and well-being, spiritually and mentally.  A person can express themselves by learning how to use appropriate words and actions in reaction to their emotions.

Noticing Your Feelings

It is essential to take a moment and see the emotions you are feeling. Just because you are feeling a certain way doesn’t mean you have to act on it. It means that you need to start noticing these emotions are there. This recognition is the first step in not being overwhelmed.  We have become so adept in our society at glossing over things with distraction (gaming, computers, media entertainment) That rarely is there a moment of silence to recognize what your emotions are telling you. Take that moment and notice how you feel. Learn to express them appropriately through words and actions.

Reflecting on Emotions

Ask some simple questions.  From where is this feeling coming? Why am I feeling it now? What is this emotion trying to tell me?  Seeking honest answers will give you a clue about any underlying emotional issues hiding in the background. The more you understand your feelings, the better you can deal with life. Instinctually we don’t want to show the world that something is bothering us or we are affected by things. Inside we view it as a weakness, but the real gap comes from not understanding the message of our emotions.

Strength in Acceptance

Many situations in life do not occur from a conscious choice.  If you are dealing with death, loss of job, accident, illness, aging, or betrayal, these are complicated situations that lead us to fight back in unhealthy ways. Denial, escaping into fantasy, substance abuse, manic activity, or overstimulation can be standard ways to deal with the flood of emotions hitting you.  Until you accept a circumstance as accurate, it is impossible to deal with it in an emotionally healthy way. Taking something doesn’t mean you give up. It only means that you understand where you are and why. This action will give you power over your emotions and how to deal with them.

Using Your Power

Becoming emotionally and intellectually self-aware will allow you to create insights into situations that will make the decision-making process easier to process. This infrastructure will work in all aspects of your life because you are working from a platform of honesty.  Our feelings are there to help guide us, and when they get attention, you are proactive. You are starting to write your own story.

Here are some emotions and what they might be trying to tell you.

Bitterness- Showing you where you need to heal, where you’re still holding judgments on others, and, most importantly, yourself.

Resentment- Letting you know you live in the past and not allow the present to be as it is.

Discomfort- There is an opportunity for change right now. Pay attention to what is happening and try to do something different than you typically do.

Anger- Warning sign, which displays your passions lie. It will also show up when boundaries are crossed or when you see things in your world that you feel need to change — anger is an excellent guide to your inner workings but a poor creator of your behavior.

Disappointment- It can be hard to deal with situations that don’t work out. It shows you are above apathy and still care about people and things.  Disappointments in our past not dealt with and accepted will lead to apathy and lack of expectation.

Guilt- If you are still living in the shadow of other people’s expectations of you.  Mistakes happen, things get broken, other people are not always going to like what you do. That is their emotional baggage, not yours.  Accept responsibility for your actions, put them behind you, and move forward.

Shame- It happens when we internalize the expectations of others on how we should be or live or who we have been or have lived in the past. Time to reconnect with yourself and understand who you are and what makes you happy.

Anxiety- This is a feeling that stems from fear — usually fear of the past or fear of the future.  You need to come into the present moment and let the past be the past and the coming fall where it will.  Anxiety is a clear guidepost to get into the present moment. Identify the thought that is leading to a feeling of dread.

Sadness- There is a depth of feeling that brings on sadness. Sadness will display when we look at the world and care deeply about others their circumstances and situations.  Ask what is making you sad?

Whatever your emotions are today, seeking to understand how they affect you is a move toward empowerment.  No matter what you do, your feelings will exist and continue to touch you. Either you can allow them to control your life, or you can use them to determine what they are guiding you toward.

“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” -Daniel Goleman.

“75 percent of careers are derailed for reasons related to emotional competencies, including the inability to handle interpersonal problems, unsatisfactory team leadership during times of difficulty or conflict, or inability to adapt to change or elicit trust.”  -Center for Creative Leadership.

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion.” -Dale Carnegie.

“When our emotional health is in a bad state, so is our level of self-esteem. We have to slow down and deal with what is troubling us so that we can enjoy the simple joy of being happy and at peace with ourselves.” -Jess C. Scott. 

“The only way to change someone’s mind is to connect with them from the heart.” 
-Rasheed Ogunlaru

“No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”
 -Theodore Roosevelt

“Unleash in the right time and place before you explode at the wrong time and place.” -Oli Anderson.

 

21

Anger

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For those who like spelling!
For those who like spelling!

I was faced with today’s question of whether or not anger is a bad thing or a good thing. I believe that anger is one of the emotions that you should avoid because it is one of the emotions that stem from fear.  However, being the open-minded person that I am, I am willing to look at the emotion of anger from a neutral standpoint and decide once and for all if it is desirable to be angry or not.

Anger is just Anger

I am the first to admit that anger in and of itself is not a bad thing or a good thing. It is just a thing.  We all experience the emotion of anger because we are human. But, it is how we deal with that emotion that I think is important.  So, where your anger takes you in your thoughts, words and actions will determine whether that experience is productive or not.  This determines if it is good or bad for you.

Is anger Good?

Happiness is better than anger.
Happiness is better than anger.

There are some good things to anger.  The emotion itself exists to let us know when someone or something is hurting us or our needs are just not being met. It acts much like a smoke detector, warning of potential danger.   The positive possibilities exist when you look at the anger and understand why you feel this way.  Dealing with these emotions positively and discussing them with the people close to you allows you to work on that warning sign, and the next time it will bother you less.

Anger Problems

It’s not the anger that is the problem. Poor management of anger is the problem. If you are prone to angry outbursts, then you know that anger is more often than not going to entice you to say or do something that you will be apologizing later for.

Anger causes you to react from emotion and act quickly, without really thinking, and those results are usually bad.  But more importantly, I believe it is important to recognize where that anger is taking you.  If, for example, anger makes you physically violent, then that is wrong, and it is always wrong.  That is the most dramatic case, and most people would agree that it is never OK to commit physical violence no matter what someone does to make you mad.

tumblr_mdfkwiHmPt1rzcaajo1_500Everyone knows someone who has an anger management problem, and they are not pleasant people to be around.  You live your life walking on the edge of a volcano, with no idea when it might explode, spewing hot lava all over you.  I have also been fortunate enough to interact with people who use their anger as a push to understand themselves.

We should apply the same filter to other reactions which result from anger.  Much like the action to hit, push or slap a problem away from you because it hurt you, a person can react just as thoughtlessly by adding hate, revenge, or jealousy to the problem.  This would be a great example of how to turn the emotion of anger into something terrible.

Anger leads to Revenge, hatred, and jealousy, to name a few.

Negative thoughts that we entertain are going to affect our lives negatively.  Whether you believe in karma, quantum physics, or Christianity, hate is not an acceptable thought or behavior, and nothing good ever came from revenge, hatred, or jealousy.  They are nothing more than a person’s effort to “payback” someone or something that hurt them or didn’t fulfill a need.  So allowing this anger to churn inside you and spin out these other negative thoughts and actions will harm your existence.

Hating someone because of something they did to you or someone else is the same thing as hating yourself. We all have the ability to commit great evil and to show tremendous love.  How can you hate someone else for acting exactly like you are capable of?  You never have to like what they do or accept it.  Deplore the act, but forgive the person responsible because it is only through forgiveness that you can find peace.

Revenge will Get You Nowhere.

The same can be said for revenge. When someone hurts you, the most natural response is to want to hurt them back in any way you can.  Through name-calling, disparaging comments, or actions that you know will cause pain.  You can find revenge, but it will not make you a better person.  Anger is the hot rock that burns the one that holds it.  To hold a grudge, or obsess about paying someone back, is only going to stop you from moving forward.  The past

All emotions are ok, it is our reaction to them that causes problems.
All emotions are ok; it is our reaction to them that causes problems.

It is gone, it is over, and no matter how much punishment your hurt feelings get you to implement, you can’t change the act that hurt you.  This thought pattern will stop you from letting it go and move forward.

Jealousy is a Monster

Anger often is turned into jealousy about careers, love, or even possessions.  There is nothing positive about this emotion.  Jealousy is selfish and can turn one of the best experiences in life, love and turn it into a controlling, manipulative relationship.  Most of this comes from anger that you either ignore and are a slave to in your reaction to it.

These are just three negative emotions that stem from not positively handling your anger.  My experience with each of these has been inclusively negative in every way imaginable.  Jealousy stems from anger fed by insecurity. Revenge is a reaction to make someone else recognize and understand the hurt you are feeling, and hate is an emotion that has no positive aspect to it at all.

Forgiveness is Final

There is no reason to beat yourself up or think you are a bad person if you experience anger because we are all humans, and we all experience anger.  Gandhi experienced anger, but he didn’t let it consume him. He believed you had to forgive those who wronged you or the things that happened to you.  Once you let them go, they no longer have any power over you, and you can freely move on with your life.  Much like a giant burden is taken off of your back.

In conclusion, Anger is an emotion that is neither good nor bad; it is an inevitable piece of being a human being, stemming from being hurt or not having your needs met.  How you deal with anger and what you let it manifest into in your thoughts, words and deeds are where we can recognize anger as either positive or negative.