Tag Archives: fear of what others think

22

Factors In My Fear

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One of the most influential factors in the lives of all people is Fear. It comes to us in various ways and affects what goals we set, what actions we take, our thoughts, and how we interact with other people. The factor of Fear touches almost every moment of our lives. It makes you wonder how we all became so afraid. Fear comes in many different forms to influence us, unease, worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread, and even phobia. These are the faces of Fear that people face and are influenced by every day. The thing to remember is that most of these are not tangible things. There isn’t a real and present danger that will cause you harm. No, these are fears based on something that might happen in the future, perhaps. If they do, I will suffer, making me nervous, anxious, worried, tense, etc. So we live our lives based on something that is just a thought that is not happening now. You can counteract feelings of Fear with thoughts of love, which starts with you, in your mind.

The Present Moment

It is also very peculiar that there is no room for fear when people are faced with things in the present moment. You can be worried about whatever you want, but when faced with that experience in the here and now, most people react without a doubt. They do what must be done, one step at a time. There is no room for fear or anxiety because you are dealing with the problem head-on, and you know the answers to any questioning thoughts you may contain in your head. Later, after the trauma is over, your mind can create wild replays of an incident and create new fears. This thought is post-traumatic stress. The event dominates your thoughts with what-if scenarios, and if that could happen, what about this?

Look at your thoughts, and all of our fearful ones are based on the potential for suffering and avoiding it. We are all scared of monsters in our closets, we all have different closets, but the Fear is the same. I will be hurt, and I want to avoid that at all costs. Try to focus on the thought that we can always deal with the present moment, but we have difficulty coping with things that are a projection of the mind. Because our minds can make up scenarios that make us feel helpless, and that is the scariest thing at all. The future is challenging to deal with as a projection because there is no honest answer to counteract the perceived pain experience. What is this pain?

Our Fears

What exactly are we afraid of?

*One is a fear of loss, that something we care about will be taken away from us. If you have nothing, you have nothing to lose, and it is the loss of things we have that frightens us. If you have love, rather than enjoying it, we destroy it with a fear of losing it.

*Another major fear is a fear of failure. To me, this is a significant impediment to developing to your fullest potential. When you try something new, you will either succeed or fail. Either way, you will learn something valuable that will lead to your ultimate growth and fulfilling your potential. Too often, we let our fear of failure stop us from trying something, and we are defeated before we begin. It isn’t the failure that scares us, and it is what others think the loss says about us.

*Fear of being hurt is another one. I think suffering is one of the parts of this human experience that we need to be conscious of. Of course, we don’t want to experience pain. It is not a good thing. But the pain has a purpose. It tells you that something is wrong and that problem needs to be addressed one way or another. It directs action and forces us to do something. When the pain is happening, most people are not afraid. After the experience of the pain, we are fearful of being hurt again. We remember the experience and, of course, would like to avoid it in the future. The problem is when you let your fear of being hurt stop you from living that you are living in Fear.

**Fear of death is the real problem we have mentally, that this physical journey will end at some point. You have to come to peace with our impending mutual doom at some point. But some people take it to the extreme and need to be right in every argument to defend a mental position they have identified with. To lose the debate is the mind having its sense of self threatened with destruction. If you are wrong about something you believe wholeheartedly, what else could you have been wrong about? Once you realize the mind is not you, it is possible to step back and see that right or wrong makes no difference. You can know what you believe and speak it firmly and clearly.

Shine a Light

Fears will disappear when you shine a light on them. The view of consciousness will eliminate all of your Fear of thought. Hold what scares you in your mind and focus on why it is so frightening to you. Follow the emotion back to its origin, and you will see most of the things we fear have humble origins early in life. They are often punctuated through our experience, but they start in our youth. If you have a fear of trusting someone and being hurt, it began when you were small, and it has probably been plaguing you throughout your adult life. Shining a light on this issue and realizing that there are people you can trust, and often it is your thought pattern that leads to a situation of suffering.

Spend some time documenting and honestly examining your fears. Find their origin and understand that they are just your mind projecting an image that doesn’t exist. The light of knowledge and understanding of yourself will bring courage.

“Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.” —Helen Keller

“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.” —Henry Ford

“I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” —Rosa Parks

“Fears are nothing more than a state of mind.” —Napoleon Hill

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” —Nelson Mandela

 

22

Forget the Judgement

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What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

For much of my life, I spent a lot of time worrying about what others thought about what I did to the point that I often would not do things I wanted because I was afraid of what others might think. That fear stopped me from doing silly, inconsequential, and big things alike. I would see a picture of people judging me and thinking poorly of me in my head.

When the thoughts in my head worried about the ideas in others, the results were a constant fear of showing my true self. There was a chance that someone might not like what I would be doing.

The problem with this thought pattern is that you are never actually able just to be you. People put a lot of pressure on themselves to be perfect, which is impossible to achieve. I have put most of this thought pattern behind me, which I now notice.

Doing What I Want

judgment defines you not others
Look inward before You Judge Someone and their behavior.

There is an impression that this question builds in your mind that if you were released from the disturbing thoughts of society, you would suddenly do things that were totally out of character. But I think that doing all of the things that are part of my personality without worrying about what anyone else thinks is the fun of life.

I am a thinker, and I enjoy reading and thinking and then writing my thoughts about what I learn and contemplate. I want the cafe’ and getting to know people. I like working out every day and not apologizing for the length of my workouts. All of these things I do and do not do any of them for the sake of what someone else might think would make my life unhappy. You have to be your best, and I like that person.

Truth about Freedom

The truth about freedom is I like the freedom to be myself and say, I don’t care about the judgments of others, but that has just meant that I can do the things I like to do without worry. These things haven’t changed much at all, but the perception I have of these activities and how others perceive them has. If someone has a problem with the way I live and my choices have a problem with themselves.

So I will read and learn about life and delve into why people are the way they are. If you read this site, you will see I share my thoughts freely and encourage a conscious positive vibe in everyone.    I will share my feelings if you ask. I don’t care if you agree because a challenge is an opportunity to teach and learn. All thoughts should be challenged so that they stand up as truths. If they don’t, you will move a step closer to finding the truth. So I haven’t started dressing differently or acting a whole lot differently, I don’t care what anyone else thinks about how I dress or how I work, and it feels fantastic.

now be yourself
Who else could you possibly be?

There are things I do now that I might not have had the courage to do before, and each one I recognize as a step forward, although I think for many people, they would be pretty small steps indeed.

Normal?

One of the most significant things that have arisen from this change of thought is that I judge others much less. I try not to judge at all. I have learned to appreciate the differences that each individual brings to the world, and the vibrant contrast allows for a broad spectrum of color in life. It is a much more exciting canvas that I see painted in front of me. I wouldn’t say I like the things everybody does, but I try to accept them as their choices, not mine. I’ll worry about my thoughts, words, and actions and let others worry about theirs.

This wide variety can be scary to some, but we should embrace it. Just as you accept each person for their unique ability, so will you be recognized as special and beautiful. I think there is a misconception that a “normal” state exists when the real normal is that you should be who you are and that, my friend, is good enough.

Some Quotes on Not Caring what others think

“The eyes of others our prisons; their thoughts our cages.” ― Virginia Woolf “

A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.” ― Mae West

“You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It’s their mistake, not my failing.” ― Richard P. Feynman

“Care about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner.”—Lao Tzu

“Never dull your shine for somebody else.” ― Tyra Banks

“If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that… I believe in what I do, and I’ll say it.” ― John Lennon

“I do not care so much what I am to others as I care what I am to myself.” ― Michel de Montaigne

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”— Dr. Seuss

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will. “― Suzy Kassem

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”— Oscar Wilde

21

The Liar

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Fear Lies

Fear is a Liar
Don’t Listen to fear

In all that we do and all that we try to accomplish, a person must learn to deal with fear.  Fear comes to you through a voice in your head, warning you to be careful how far you stretch yourself, or to watch out for the things you do, the thoughts you think, and the ideas you express.  This voice in your head discourages you and minimizes your efforts and talents, all in the name of safety and comfort.  One of the most freeing things I have learned is that fear is a liar. It lies to you about almost everything, and choosing fear will lessen your experience and stop you from achieving anything of consequence.

Nothing Great without some Risk

Was anything great ever accomplished without some form of risk? Would a man have walked on the moon if they listened to fear? On a personal level, it is no different. When you are considering a new endeavor, hobby, new job, or even thought, there will always be some level of fear to overcome.

What if you fail?   What if you look bad trying? What if people don’t accept what you are doing? What if?  What if???

Is there a more limiting question that fear provides than what if? It is designed solely to limit our willingness to try and to create doubt about our abilities. The lie that fear tells you is that things will go bad if you pursue a dream or a goal. There will be a risk in anything, but taking action is the most important thing we can do. Fear deters action. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the acceptance of others is all just limits on your potential. Fear is a liar.

Fear is a Liar to Stop you from Taking Action

Fear is a Liar
Face your fears, and they will disappear

If you make an effort to achieve something, can there really be any failure? Taking action is going to create something. There are no guarantees as to what will be created, but something will result from your action. Taking no action will result in absolutely nothing.

Even if the results are not what you had envisioned initially, the result will belong to you, and the results are a known entity.  When you don’t try, you never know what might have happened, and then the question of “What if…..” takes on a haunting meaning. Once you try something, you know of its validity and viability. There is a chance to adjust your sails and make your action more efficient in whatever you are trying to accomplish. Fear of failure will stop you from taking action and stop your success before getting off the ground.

Take Action Above All Else

So when you hear the voices of fear speaking to you, limiting your actions, learn to ignore it and take action anyway. Each action that you decide to take will lead to creating something that didn’t exist before.

Even if your action results in an initial setback, it still provides you with valuable information that you can use to take a more focused action next. As I see it, the only way a well-focused, thought-out action can be a negative is if you choose never to take action at all.

Fear is a liar whose goal is to limit your potential and lessen the experience you have in life. When you hear the voice of fear in your head, tighten your resolve, push ahead and take action anyway. Greatness will never be found by cowering to fear.

21

Fears

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Moving past our fears
Everyone Experiences Fear

So you have a goal in mind, and you feel it just might be your passion. It is right there in front of you like the low-hanging fruit on a tree. All you have to do is reach out and pluck it, and it is yours.

Yet you don’t reach. You stand or sit and watch the fruit as it hangs there, tantalizing your senses.  It is often fear that stops us from following our passions, and for me, I have often found fear to be a huge barrier to doing what I want.  What is it that I am afraid of?

What If I Fail?

I think that we all have this fear in our minds to some degree.  Being successful is ingrained into our consciousness from the first days we begin school.  So failure is looked at as something undesirable. Our education system teaches this as a rote fact.

Yet when you analyze it, really, it is just one of the many possible outcomes of trying.  All great discoveries and people became geniuses to the world as they stood on the heap that was Moving Past the Feartheir previous failure.  Failure is not fatal; it isn’t even detrimental to accomplishment.  So often, we need one more piece of the puzzle to reach a new height, and you can often learn what that is through the experience of failure.

Sometimes we fail, but the choice of how you deal with that is always up to you.  You can quit, roll up in the fetal position, and rock slowly, asking yourself: Why? Or you can analyze the failure and see the shortcomings of whatever you have done, correct them, and try again and again if necessary.

I have been paralyzed by fear before, and in hindsight, it always makes you feel foolish.  Find the encouragement you need to keep going, your friends, your family in the books you read, or whatever you come in contact with daily.  Don’t let this fear stop you. Fear is nothing but a thought. You don’t have to pay attention to it.

What If I Succeed?

As strange as it sounds, I have been hurt by a fear of success.  How can I be afraid of

moving past failure
Moving past failure

succeeding?  Well, surely you have not met me.  The human mind seems to be great at creating problems where none really exist.  My mind is an expert at this.

Perhaps it is the egoic ramblings of my conscious mind that worries that if things go too well for me, something bad will clearly be followed soon.  This fear of Karmic retribution can sometimes make you want to keep things as “even Stephen” as possible.  Never reaching too high to avoid falling to a scary low that perhaps you might not want to experience.

This is the worst of all fear because it is stopping you from reaching your limits.  All of us will have experiences in life, and one of them should be reaching our potential in any given area of interest, especially if it is doing something that we are passionate about.

Put this fear to bed by understanding that life is full of ups and downs, and no matter what you do, no matter how even-keeled you try to stay, there will still be setbacks.  Being great at something will not result in a punishment later unless you choose to create one. Fear is only a thought in your mind that you choose to pay attention to.

What Will Everyone Say?

For me, this is the biggest fear there is.  Perhaps it was a childhood weakness, or maybe it was high school trauma, but for whatever reason, I have been deathly afraid of what other.

Moving Past the Fear
What do they think about me?

People might think of my actions.

The foolishness of this fear really jumps out at me as I write these words because the only person who is hurt by this type of phobia is definitely me.  Let me share my anti-fear recipe here.  First of all, what other people think is their problem, not mine.

Secondly, any bad thoughts that someone has about you are often due to their own inadequacies and fear, not yours. Other people are always mirroring into your soul. What you see in others often exists within you.

Thirdly, what you think they think is most often not accurate anyway.  This is because it is most often my ego that produces these thoughts of someone else.  Really they are your own perceived weaknesses projected onto someone else.  When you think about it that way, you can see it makes no sense to be afraid.  Fear is a thought in your mind.

Escaping Fear

In the end, the scary thing is that we all are going to face fear, and it is most likely going to happen every day, whether we like it or not.  It is in how we deal with the presence of fear that our lives will be defined.  Will I shrink from the negative thoughts that fear creates? Or will I rise above it and start to pay attention to more positive forces in life.

I think most people who can achieve their dreams can look fear in the eye, recognize it for what it is, and move on with their actions anyway, which take them to the finish line.  Fear is nothing more than a thought, and that is it.

Fear is not a real tangible thing unless we allow it to become that through our inaction.