Tag Archives: Forgiveness

22

To Forgive Changes Your Future

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Forgive-stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

forgive Who hasn’t been wronged, betrayed, let down, hurt, or disappointed by the behavior, attitude, or actions? Each person you pass on the street or see in your life has felt the pain caused by another. Some are big, and some are small, but that anger about the pain and the fear of it happening again makes us plot our revenge. But the true power is to forgive. Forgive them, forgive her, forgive him, and forgive yourself. To do anything else is to give away your power. Be conscious of your thoughts and emotions that lead to your words and actions. Forgive.

Why It’s Hard to Forgive

Events occur in life, and some events bring permanent change. Change can be difficult and painful. The end of a relationship, modification of a job, or loss of a loved one or friend you once relied on. The pain of loss, change, or loss of trust changes you forever. Anger is the emotion people use to protect themselves. It tells people that something is wrong and provides a false Forgivefeeling of power in a situation you are powerless to change. It is a symptom that something is wrong, and you need help.

Forgiveness is problematic because it feels like what you experienced was wrong. Perhaps you were a victim of abuse, a violent act, or just a thoughtless act of emotional coldness. Many feel forgiveness lets a person off the hook, but that is not the case. A person’s actions are karma, and your reactions and consequent actions are yours. When you forgive, you take power away from what others did to you and return it to yourself. No offense is forgotten or justified, but you are no longer carrying the burden of acts others committed against you.

It is like holding onto a hot coal and thinking of someone who harmed you when you don’t forgive. The only guarantee in the situation is that you will be hurt. Not a good bargain and nobody else even knows of your suffering. You are choosing to carry the hot coal of pain around. Let it go!

Forgive Yourself

The most difficult person to forgive is always ourselves. People always feel they should have known better, been wiser, more robust, less trusting, kinder, more caring, less mean, or just plain luckier. The reality is that you weren’t, and what happened, happened. What is, is. Accepting that and forgiving yourself for it is the path to moving forward positively. Mistakes, misjudgments, and negative situations are a part of life. Let them ruin you or allow them to make you the most vital person possible. To forgive is the key to your power over everything that ever hurt you.

You will know you forgive someone when all anger feelings are missing when you think about them and the situation you were involved in. A searing feeling in your gut comes up when you harbor anger or resentment. When that is lacking, then you have indeed chosen to forgive.

Final Thoughts on Forgiveness

Bringing the concept of forgiveness into your conscious decision-making is forgiveessential for your overall health. If you are spending energy harboring anger toward someone, it is time to let it go. No matter how long you have been carrying your anger, each new day is a chance to let it go and take power back into your life. Let forgiveness become a part of your conscious thoughts, words, and actions today.   Changing the thoughts you entertain about a bad experience will allow you the change the emotions surrounding it, and if you can do that, you are free.

The person who gets the benefits of your forgiveness is you!

 

22

Leave Your Past Alone

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Regret- feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity).

One of the most popular places people leave their attention is in regret for past actions. No matter how old you are, there are situations in our past that cause us to feel sad, repentant, or disappointed. I should have done this, or I shouldn’t have done that. All these thoughts are a waste of time because the past is over and gone.

No matter what part you have played, it is also over and gone. To spend valuable time today reliving painful, uncomfortable experiences or certainly didn’t display yourself in your best light will only make you feel bad about yourself and rob you of your power. Take some time to focus on the present and bring your awareness into this moment, which is the only one you are guaranteed to have. Bring awareness to your thoughts of regret and realize they need to be released. It starts with noticing your thoughts about the past, the emotions these thoughts bring up, the words they cause you to speak, and the actions you are prompted to take because of them.

Learn the Lesson and Let it Go

All experiences have value. That is not an easy thing to believe because bad things often happen. These “bad” experiences can shape much of our perspective in life. Still, all unpleasant, complex, unfair, laborious, demanding, or exhausting experiences is a lesson that can help you if you look for them. And it can be hard to look for these valuable lessons. Life would be easy if there were no challenges, but if they didn’t push you, you would never reach your potential. It is the push that gets you to the next level. Or to even realize that there is a higher level of understanding, growth, and achievement.

Nobody will seek out difficult situations, and we spend most of our lives trying to put ourselves into situations where life will be easy. There is plenty of money and security, and worry is a thing of the past. But is it? Hard times allow us to develop our talents and confidence that if that awful thing didn’t break me, what can? We all have a strength that can enable us to overcome obstacles and leap over difficult times. Learn the lessons of the hard times and move forward.

Forgive Everyone and Wish Them Well

Forgiveness can be challenging to grant to those who have done something to hurt us in the past. But it would help if you moved on. Many people get hung up on forgiving because they feel that you are letting someone off the hook for hurtful actions in the past. That is not the case. All you are doing is putting whatever occurred in the past. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse anyone but gives you peace and freedom. Today is for living your life the best you can. If your mind, feelings, words, and actions are caused by experience, you are not doing that.

The most important person to forgive is yourself. No person has made it through the trials of life without making a mistake. Those mistakes can be small, but sometimes they are seemingly impossible. But you have to forgive yourself to move forward. You can not go back and change the past. All you can do is make today as positive an experience for everyone in your life that you can. Forgive yourself, and be conscious of why you think what you do. Move forward with the hope that the best today can bring you. That is a choice that only you can make for yourself.

You Can’t Trust Your Memory.

One of the difficult things about owning a human perception is that we remember things the way we want. Events do not necessarily happen the way we think they did. We have a perception of our memories that comes to us clouded with our thoughts, the words of others over time, and an idealization of things that happened long ago. People tend to forget the bad and remember the good situations over time. Sometimes people hold on to complex problems because they have become a part of their identity. Defining yourself through tragedy and loss is not a very healthy way to go.

Three people watch the same event happen. They all have a different story about what happened. This is because everyone has a different perception of things. Look at your tragic events of the past. How accurate are your memories? Even if they are accurate, the fear of being powerless or hurt affects us now. We don’t want anything like that to happen again. Memory and fear are just thoughts that you entertain and give power to. Change what you think about and how you think about things, and you will find freedom and growth. Those tragedies become strengths, and you reach places you never thought possible.

Focus Your Attention on Today

We are all placed in this world as works in progress. We have the potential to accomplish things, and nothing we are now is a finality. We can learn new things, develop our skills, and become better at everything we can think of doing. Focus your mind on what you can do today to become better, and you will make the world just a little bit better.

Don’t spend energy regretting your life’s traumatic, embarrassing, or tragic moments. They are just that, moments in your experience. It starts with a conscious awareness of the thoughts you pay attention to, the emotions that correspond, the words you speak to others and yourself, and the actions it leads you to take in your life. The past is gone, and we can’t get it back no matter how much we might like to. No regrets today, as we take it one day at a time.

“At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets.” ― Steve Maraboli, 

“Never regret anything that has happened in your life; it cannot be changed, undone, or forgotten. So take it as a lesson learned and move on” – Anonymous.

“No more regrets. No turning back. I’m moving on”-Anonymous.

 

22

The Positive Turn

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If you are wondering what your thoughts and emotions have led you to in life, take a moment and look at your life and honestly evaluate your circumstances. Nothing will provide a clearer picture. The events of your life are a living, breathing display of how you think and what you believe about yourself.  We make choices every day about what exactly we “deserve” to experience every day, and the accumulative effect of these choices is our reality.  So if you are working a job you are not wild about, that is a result of your preferences. Nobody else forced you into it. You chose it for some reason. The status of your relationships in all areas of your life results from the decisions you have made based on your beliefs about life and reality. That is a fact, and if you want to change things, you need to look at the ideas that led to your thoughts and discard the ones that are leading you in a negative direction. Here are a few thoughts to move in a positive direction. There is success in everyone. The potential for joy in every day and all of it is really up to us.

Take Responsibility

The first and only place to look in answer to: “Why am I in this situation?” or “How did this happen?” is to look in the mirror and accept your responsibility for all of your life situations.  You can cry and complain about this happening or wallow over the sadness that somebody else hurt you. That is a fact; people will hurt others, be callous, uncaring, and take advantage of others.  It happens to everyone in life, but you are responsible for your reaction to everything. You are responsible.

It is easy to slip into the role of a victim and feel sorry for yourself and think about how you couldn’t help what happened because someone else made the choices. That is a very slippery slope, and it slips in more areas once you allow responsibility to fall to something or someone else. The best choice we can make is to take complete responsibility for our lives and situations, and that gives us all the power to create whatever future we want.  You are responsible for your past and your future.

Grow and Take Action

You have the opportunity in every moment of every day to seize that experience and make it something powerful and productive. Too often, I have seen myself and others sit comfortably in the virtual recliner of routine behavior. If you dream of doing something, set your intention to create it, and then take at least a small action toward developing it. In action, there is a truth. It will tell you what will work and what you need to do differently, but it will always lead you toward your reality and the accomplishment of your goals and dreams.

Action will help you gain more wisdom regarding what you want, what will make you happy, and what might not. Learning is gaining knowledge and can come to you from books, videos, classes, other people, time spent in nature, or many different sources.  Nothing will lead you to wisdom if you don’t seek it, and nothing can stop you from finding it if you look for it. So make an effort to find the knowledge available to you every day, and then look for ways you can share what you have learned with the rest of the world. To receive is essential, but to give is the legacy of your life. Make it a positive one.

Choose a Happy Destiny

It doesn’t matter to me if you believe in destiny or not; you have an opportunity in your short life to create something magnificently fabulous or something tragically awful, or something anywhere in between. It is up to you to look at your heart and see what gifts you have to fine-tune and share with the world. Your destiny will be assured once you have listened to that voice within. We are all born with something to give, and then life covers it up through programming and expectations.  The journey to find it is up to you.

Often, the simple thought and feeling of genuine gratitude will guide you back to your true self. Be grateful for what you have in life, and more will come your way. That is what seems always to happen. Have a thankful spirit, and that choice will bring happiness into your life. Grateful people are still happy, and that choice can be yours now. No matter what your situation is right now, there is something to be thankful for, and through gratitude, a small glimmer of joy will enter your life whether you want it to or not. Look for it, create it, and move more positive feelings into your life.

Forgive

Another absolute power we all have is brought to us through forgiveness. It doesn’t mean you condone any poor behavior, and it doesn’t mean you are OK with bad things happening to you, but it means you are no longer letting something that happened in the past define you today.  Refer back to responsibility. You are the only one that can choose to forgive someone and all they do or don’t do. Holding on to anger, hate, fear, or whatever negative emotion you perceive from an event will harm you. These are released through forgiveness. Decide to give heartfelt and honest forgiveness to all those in your life.

The most important person you can forgive is yourself. Deep down, we hold anger toward ourselves for all things that occur in our lives.  Some see taking responsibility for their life this way.  Looking at the past is an impossible game because you can’t change anything that happened, and if you could have done better or behaved differently, you certainly would have.  So to use your past as a punishment for your experiences today is our choice.  And it can be released by only looking into our hearts and forgiving the people who hurt us and, most importantly ourselves. A forgiving spirit will guide you to greatness and a life without fear.

Persist Always

Finally, it is vital to develop and maintain a practice of persistence in your life. Some will start many things and have a high energy level initially but will lose their momentum at the first challenge they face and move on to something else. Persist without exception.  Nothing ever takes the place of persistence. It is a trait that will lead to success in all areas of life. Keep on trying. Get knocked down eight times, get up nine, and trim will be able to stop you.  It is a great faith in yourself that will allow you to be persistent in your pursuit of a career, health, a relationship, or anything else you are shooting for. Keep on trying, and don’t give up because it gets difficult or you have an initial setback. Those challenges are sometimes needed to teach you the information you need. Persistence is power and will always lead you in a positive direction.

“The truth I know for sure is that if something feels good and makes you happy on the inside, you’re probably moving in the right direction.”- Jacqui Holland

“Surround yourself with people who talk about ideas and visions of positivity and do not waste time talking about other people.” 

 

22

Forgive Them Anyway

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Those we think the most of can be the most difficult to forgive, BUT we must forgive to move forward at last.
`Those we think the most are often the most difficult to forgive, BUT we must forgive to move forward at last.

Forgiveness has been a difficult thing for me at times. Realizing learning to forgive is one of the most important lessons a person can learn. I am continually analyzing why I have difficulty letting some things go and moving forward with life in a more positive way.

For most people who I carried low expectations, forgiveness comes more naturally. We are all learning life lessons when someone I expect more from fails me. I find it extremely difficult to forgive.

The things that other people do or have done hurt you and cause you to experience fear in your life. Fear that you will be harmed in some way or don’t measure up, or worry about what others might think of us. Part of the human condition is to experience pain; it teaches lessons and pushes us in directions that may not be easy to go. But there is a point where we have suffered enough and learned all we can. That is a time to forgive those we perceive to have harmed us. That is when we stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake. The act of forgiveness will bring you many benefits.

Loss of Faith

stabbed in the back
The most devastating of these come from someone you trust. You never see it coming.

You come to depend on certain people to be on your side and support you, no matter what. It is a cold lesson to find them acting differently from what you have seen over years of experience. Their hypocrisy is one of the most painful hurts because it is so unexpected, like a sucker punch from the Pope. It hurts twice and is more difficult to forgive because a deeply personal trust has been violated. Someone that you could always count on was now gone. Who or what can you trust if you can no longer trust them?

ultimate forgiveness
I forgive all and carry no grudges about anything.

Forgiveness of the ones you cared about the most is most challenging to grant, but it is essential in the end. Your heart will never fully heal until you give this forgiveness, deserved or not, because your life needs to move forward, and casting off all of the anchors of wrongdoing, actual and perceived, is a must. Forgive and move forward; all people act the way they do because of their individual needs. Those we care about are special for a reason, and even though it is hard, forgiving them is a vital step in living a happy life.

Forgiving Others

We have all had people enter our lives who seem to be there to hurt us. These people have hurt us, taken from us, or caused general suffering in our lives. That is their problem and their karma in life. When we hold onto the act that hurts us, it eats away at our present moment happiness. If you are mad at the thought of that person and what they did to you, it is time to let it go. Time to forgive the people that have hurt you and move forward.

It is difficult to forgive because, in many ways, it feels like you are condoning the behavior that caused you any suffering. That is not the case, you do not accept the inadequate response from another, but forgiveness allows you to put the pain of the situation behind you and take away its control over you. Without the emotional charge you provide, an experience becomes something you can learn from and choose some value from. If only that, it can enhance your current life. Choosing to forgive also gives you power over all people and things in your past. You determine exactly how you feel about them and the emotions you attach to them.

Forgive You

One of the most challenging people to forgive is often ourselves. In life, we are going to make mistakes and misjudgments. We are going through this human experience for the first time, and it will have lessons for you to learn. Too many times, we take the lessons personally and allow them to become a part of our identity. This thought is never the case. A mistake is a mistake. Poor judgment is poor judgment. The wisest person in the world has made hundreds of errors. The difference between you and them is that they have learned the lesson and discarded the vehicle it came in.

You are a unique human being and have nearly unlimited potential to do what you dream of if you get out of your way. The way we talk to ourselves has a lot to do with our energy and the confidence developed in life. Only allow yourself to speak of yourself in the kindest ways. Don’t let your mind entertain thoughts that are derogatory to you in any way. Forgiveness of your past mistakes will make this possible and allow you to be confident in your current actions and build the most positive future possible.

Forgive It All

Whatever it is in life you think has caused your suffering and pain, forgive it. There are going to be things that cause us pain in life. Recognize that most of the pain we have allowed has been self-inflicted. Either we have had expectations of too rigid things, leaving a significant gap between what we expect to happen and reality. All of these gaps are going to be painful things. Forgive the situations and recognize that how we choose to think is the cause of much of our suffering. Changing how we feel about things is something all people can do at this very moment, and changing the way you think about an event will change the emotional attachment you have to it. Freedom from all of your past emotional messes is waiting for you with the simple act of heartfelt forgiveness. There is a power in forgiveness that will enliven your soul. 

“Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.” Desmond Tutu

“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” Bryant H. McGill

“When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.” Bernard Meltzer

“Mistakes are always forgivable if one dares to admit them.”  Bruce Lee

Time to sail on to the future.

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22

Our Dashed Hopes and Expectations

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Disappointment – the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.

Things sometimes don’t work out the way you planned. Events occur in our lives, building up high expectations of what might happen, and when they come crumbling down and don’t work out the way you thought they might. Like many things, we have no control over some of the challenges we face, and we only have control over how we react to it. Disappointment is a part of life, and positive learning to deal with it is part of being a healthy, well-adjusted human being. It all starts with your thoughts, words, and actions around every disappointment you face.

Origin of Disappointments

Being disappointed comes when things don’t live up to our expectations. We all build attachments to scenarios we would like to see. When those things don’t happen the way we envisioned, our accessories are broken, disturbing, and upsetting. In our minds, this is a loss of something that we had already created through hope. A new job you were sure you would get, or the relationship you knew would never end, they disappear, and you are left with the pangs of disappointment. It has been happening this way throughout our lives, and we have learned to build up a system of protection against a blow.

It could have been something your parents did or something that happened in school or life somewhere, but when you were a kid, at some point, you got your hopes up and built attachments to the outcome you wished to see and were disappointed by the result. This disappointment caused you to build defenses against getting your expectations up or always expecting the worst. That way, you could never be let down, only pleasantly surprised if things worked out. You can answer honestly if this is still a pattern in your life now. Fear of being hurt, we never believe great things can happen. But they certainly can, if we can move past the attachment to something outside of us and look at the great things inside us.

Overcoming Disappointment

Life is an inconsistent experience. It loves you one minute and leaves you locked outside in the rain the next. We need to look for the hidden opportunities that come our way when things don’t work out the way we think or hope they should. For example, you apply for a job you think is perfect for you and give you all of the things you are looking for. You start building scenarios in your mind about it, and soon your attachments have you thinking it is your destiny and the most desirable outcome for you. Then you find out you don’t get the job.

The reasons you don’t get the job could have nothing to do with you. Somebody knew somebody. They were more experienced. They wanted someone older or younger or taller or from a different country. Whatever the reason, we often get so disappointed with not getting the job that we don’t see the opportunity sitting there. Now you can move on to find the place you do belong to. You may look somewhere else you would never have thought of, and in that place may lie your destiny. There is no sense of feeling bad for too long. Life is going to go on and give you the experiences you need. Learn your lessons, and keep looking for opportunities. They are always there waiting for you.

Don’t take things like this personally when they have very little to do with who you are.

Experience

The result of facing and overcoming disappointments in life is where experience comes from. Life is a game, and it continually puts you through situations to make you better at playing it. In the words of the Rolling Stones, “You can’t always get what you want, but you can get what you need.”  Most times, we are not the judge of what we need, and we will take the easy way, even though the more difficult choice may be best for our long-term wellness.

Some look at challenges as punishment and wallow in their disappointment. But those who find success are the ones who see the problem as an opportunity to grow, follow, and become the best version of themselves we should all be striving to become.

It will all begin with an increased awareness of our thoughts, words, and actions around the disappointments we face in life. Look for the opportunity for growth, and don’t take it personally. You can only control what you think, say, and do. Other people’s choices and actions are theirs. Let them deal with the result of not hiring the best person in the world for their job.

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.”~  Eliza Tabor 

“Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~ Unknown     

 

22

Seek Your Peace

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Seeking Peace

There are so many ways to improve your outlook on life that it is

impossible for me to list them all here for you, but in general, there are a few simple tips I can give you that have made my enjoyment of life increase exponentially.

These are not extremely difficult things to do; solving advanced math problems or rocket science is complicated; finding peace should be simple.

It requires you to honestly look at yourself and the situations that affect how you feel and choose to let events enhance your life, not harm it.

These are three simple practices I have implemented in my own life that have made a living a much more enjoyable experience, and I think you might too. I almost guarantee it. It is all up to you.   The steps are acceptance, forgiveness, and peace, and you are on your way to happiness if you want to be.

1. Acceptance is Not Approval

The first thing you have to be able to experience is the acceptance of all that has happened. is was difficult Acceptancefor me because I always believed that by saying I accept a situation, I simultaneously admit the status will never change, and acceptance is not that.

Acceptance does not mean approval, consent, permission, authorization, sanction, concurrence, agreement, compliance, sympathy, endorsement, confirmation, support, ratification, assistance, or even liking whatever it is you are accepting it is merely saying, “it is what it is, and what is, is what is.

Popeye believed the same thing, “I am what I am.” and so does Patriot Coach Bill Belichick when he analyzes a game, “It is what it is.” Until you choose to accept things as they are, realizing and identifying the situation accurately, you will never be able to develop a plan to overcome an obstacle and learn what you need to learn and grow from the experience.   Acceptance is the first step and the most important because you will never get to the ultimate destination if you never start a journey.

2. Forgiveness Will Set You Free

Step two in this search for self-discovery is forgiveness. F giving someone for doing something that hurt you or someone you care about can be very difficult to do because we all internalize things that happen to us and take them personally,

forgiveness
Forgive and Free Yourself

but to quote an ancient Chinese Proverb, “Anger is a hot rock that burns the one who holds it.”

To me, this means that the heat of anger,  disappointment, jealousy, whatever negative emotion you associate with somebody else’s actions, you have to forgive and let go to move on with your life.

I also have learned that you don’t have to make your forgiveness known to anyone other than yourself. You don’t have to have a ceremony, a rite of passage, or even talk to anybody. All you have to do is forgive whoever you have to in your heart, and you will find you are on your way to finding peace.

If you don’t believe me, try it.   Just think about a person you feel has hurt you, then accept whatever the situation is. Then forgive them for whatever they did, or you perceived them to do, truthfully and wholeheartedly. If you are sincere, you will start to feel relief almost immediately.

You can let all of the foolishness of life and the anger that you are carrying around because of the actions of others and experience growth, allowing becoming a better version of yourself. You can even forgive yourself, which is probably one of the first places you should start.

Whatever shortcomings you have had, mistakes you have made, dreams you left disappointed, goals you haven’t reached yet, whatever angers you about yourself, forgive yourself for being human, and accept what has happened.

You will find the road that leads you where you want to go will appear to you almost magically. Forgiveness is simple, but it is never easy because we tend to hang on to things and internalize them, and they become a part of who we are.

Then when you forgive them and let them go, you fight against it because these situations have become a part of our identity, and they have become who we are, rather than something that happened to us or something we did. Forgiving everyone is what I advocate, and moving on to a better place.

3. Peace  will Find You

Thirdly, you will find the third almost without any work if you follow these two things. It will come naturally to you, like an inevitable turn in the river you are riding on, and you will encounter peace.

With peace will come freedom from the thoughts you have been carrying around with you. It is simple as thinking: I accept that experience, forgive that experience, and am free. This is where positive thinking will start to emerge in your life.

It was explained to me that just thinking positive thoughts to exclude negative ideas is challenging because you have been having those negative thoughts all your life, whatever they are.

My parents didn’t pay enough attention to me. I am weak. I am always treated poorly in relationships. I am miserable because that’s all I deserve when you accept your thoughts as what they are and forgive them; these negative thoughts are not ignored but instead transformed into ideas of a positive nature. I have found that I am happy most of the time when this happens. Peace is just another word for experiencing inner happiness about who you are, where you have been, and going.

So give this process a try, accept a situation that has hurt you and all the people involved. Forgive t m. All people do crappy things because they are people, and it’s not personal, they are just trying to live their life, and you will find a feeling of peace and understanding. Accept yourself and others for who they are and move.

Quotes About Inner Peace:

“The self is not the individual body or mind, but rather that aspect deep inside each person that knows the truth.” – Swami Vishnu Devananda

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” – His Holiness the Dalai Lama

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let out a lot, you will have a lot of peace. If you let  o completely, you will have complete peace.” – Ajahn Chan XX century Buddhist Monk

“Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment” – Lao Tzu.

“When there is light in the soul, there is beauty in the person.
There is harmony in the person when there is beauty in the house.
When there is harmony in the house, there is order in the nation.
When there is order in the nation, there is peace in the world.”-  Chinese Proverb.

“If you lose touch with nature you lose touch with humanity. If there’s no relationship with nature, then you become a killer; then you kill baby seals, whales, dolphins, and man either for gain, for “sport,” for food, or knowledge. Then, nature  is frightened of you, withdrawing its beauty.”-  Jiddu Krishnamurti

“To achieve the strength we need in living, an inner life must be lived apart from the world.
To wear the whole world as a loose garment is a key to serenity.
Loosen your hold on earth, its cares, and its worries.
Unclasp your hold on other people and material things.
Let go of resentments, they hurt only you, not the person, persons, or institutions you resent.
Relax your grip, and the tide of peace will flow in.
Live in today, not in regrets over what happened yesterday, not in the fear and apprehension of what tomorrow may bring.
The past is gone as a cloud of dust.
Tomorrow may never come.
We are faced with living just one day…today.
Try to relax, rejoice, and be glad in it!” – (Unknown Author) 

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.   – Marcus Aurelius (Roman Emperor)

“Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach me” – Rene Descartes.

“A man who is master of himself can mend a sorrow as he can invent a pleasure. I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to be them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” – Oscar Wild

“Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein

“Nothing is either good, middle, or bad, but thinking makes it so” – William Shakespeare.

“Dwell as near as possible to the channel in which your life flows.” – Henry David Thoreau.

22

Anger Management

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I think that no matter how far along you have come in life, there are always some things that have stuck with you, and even though you feel that you have let go of it, you haven’t.

To be happy in life and enjoy the experiences that I am blessed with every day, there is a constant letting go of perceived slights, whether big or small.

Today I am thinking about the process of how I let things go and what experiences I have to make drift into the ether and cease to be a problem for me.

Forgiving and Letting Go

There is a freedom that comes from truly forgiving someone for hurting you. It doesn’t mean that you condone what they did to hurt you, like it, or ever want to see it repeated. It merely means that you will no longer let whatever someone else did have any power over you anymore.

forgive It sounds trivial and overly simple, but it is just that, but just because it is simple doesn’t mean it is secure. I know that I let some of my false crosses become a definition of who I was for a long time, yet I learned in the end that what has happened to you isn’t who you are, and it is what happened to you.

Much like a tree can exist, go through all types of different weather, yet after it all, the tree is still a tree,  It may have lost some branches and may have a few scars on its trunk, but it is still the same tree it was before.

You are still the same as you always have been, despite the challenges you faced. Letting go is the process to stop blaming the storms of life and accept all responsibility for one’s own decisions. Always.

So what Still Needs to Go?

You know if you still have something to forgive if when you think of a person or a situation, there is a burning feeling inside. It feels like a searing sensation brought on only by thought. Sometimes you can not handle it, but then when something comes on you as a surprise, the burn is still there.

 The Universe has a way of presenting you with things you need to work on without looking too hard. People cross your path every day, and the thoughts and feelings that jump to mind immediately about them will determine how much forgiveness you are sending them today. If an er is an immediate, honest feeling, it needs a little more work to find a real solution.

poetry-picnic-wk-19-forgiveness Your reaction could be inappropriate and shocking. These reactions tell you that you are looking at the situation as someone else’s fault, not yours. It doesn’t matter what you perceived to have happened; take responsibility. To com lain or place the blame somewhere else will steal all of your power.

Please take a moment and forgive the entire situation and then let it go. It is not your problem anymore. You will also be glad because being responsible is a good feeling and one of strength and power. It is a feeling that is difficult to describe if you truly forgive and no longer blame anyone else for situations and accept them as situations. There is no more prolonged anger, fear, hate, or frustration, and you can fill those spaces with other, more positive things.

Letting Go

At this point, I hope that I have sufficiently taken responsibility for everything I may have done or been perceived to have done wrong at any point in my life. I can not control what others think of me; in fact, it is none of my business. The way others treat you is because of their programming, not yours. So don’t take it very personally. It isn’t worth it.

In the end, my philosophy can be summed up, that life is a short ride, and to get the most out of it. You have to process and move past the complex parts to enjoy the rest of the ride and learn and experience what you have the good fortune to experience. Love is h d to find in a soul that is worried about revenge and payback.

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer familiar suffering.”-Thich Nhat Hanh

“Letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows one to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.”-Melody Beattie

“Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over.”–Guy Finley

 

22

Forgive

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Forgiveness For You
Forgive And Move On

Forgiveness Your Greatest Weapon

Perhaps the most significant power you have as a human being living on this Earth is the power to forgive. No matter what has been done to you, said about you, or taken from you, that loss, anger, and the problem will be a part of you. Until you wholly and thoroughly forgive the person you perceive responsible for whatever misfortune you encountered and release it from you.

Moving On

Forgive and Move On
Your Gift For The World

Before you can ever really start moving on with your life and grow, it is necessary to forgive everyone in your life for any wrong, accurate, or perceived. I know it sounds drastic and challenging, but it needs to be done to move on in life.

Forgive them sincerely, and you will find that weight will be lifted off your shoulders. In life, it seems inevitable that somebody will do something that will appear to be a slight to you, or it could be downright vicious.   Holding onto that thought of anger and holding a grudge against someone will only make you less of a person and stop you from reaching your potential. Bitterness is all that you will gain if you harbor ill feelings about anyone, and your life will be less because of it.

Throwing Hot Coals

Anger Burns The One Who Holds It
Anger Burns The One Who Holds It

Being angry at someone for something that they did, either real or perceived, will end up hurting you in the end. I heard it described as trying to throw a lump of hot coal at someone you are mad at. Perhaps you will hit them, and they might be hurt, but the only guarantee in this transaction is that you are the one who is going to be destroyed.

There are few things in life more difficult than letting go of our anger. Anger helps us cope and allows us to feel like we have power. When in reality, you are giving all of your power away. You are allowing someone else’s words or actions, determine your feelings. All you have to do is let those feelings go and forgive. All of your power is then yours.

Experiencing Peace

It is probably unreasonable to think that you can forgive everyone for everything immediately.   Like any journey, you need to start with a tiny step and then take another and keep on moving.   The momentum of your trip will build as you go. Slowly but surely, take back control of your feelings, relationships, and life.

What I have found is that when you remove the anger, the energy you previously spent on festering anger and perpetuating the negative thoughts about someone else is better and easier spent on focusing on the great things about people in your life. I feel luckier and better off because of it.

Avoid The Negative, Follow the Positive

forgive and choose love
It is YOUR choice

Forgiveness will help you release all negative thoughts and feelings that can negatively impact your life. Suppose you spend your time thinking about things that perpetuate anger, fear, worry, hate, revenge, avarice, or grief. In that case, you are focusing on the negative, and it isn’t easy to be optimistic about your future when that is your focus. These emotions need to be avoided. If you are experiencing anger about something, you have the choice to let it go. If you feel fearful about something, let it go. Experiencing fear will not fulfill you or make your life whole. Let it go; you will find there was nothing to be afraid of in the first place. Worry is the same. Most of the time, fear is wasted effort 92% of the time. (read the explanation here).

Replace those thoughts with those of goodwill, sympathy, kindness, good cheer, or any idea emanating from a spirit of love, and you will be much happier. Forgive whoever wronged you for whatever they did and replace thoughts of anger and revenge with ideas of understanding and respect. You will improve your quality of life and the quality of life of all those around you.

How You Know Forgiveness Has Truly Happened

Just saying that you forgive someone is not enough for true forgiveness. It is a start, but to forgive someone and move on, you have to release all negative energy surrounding whatever event occurred.   The heat test will allow you to know if you have sufficiently done this or not. It is simple and fools proof. Think about a person or an event, and if you feel any searing pain or emotion about the activity or the people involved, you are not done with them. If you honestly experience feelings of love, peace, and well-being, forgiveness has taken place.

Quotes on Forgiveness

“Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but yourself.” – Harriet Nelson.

“Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.” – Isaac Friedmann

“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.” – Louis B. Smedes

“Life is an adventure in forgiveness.” – Norman Cousins

“Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom.” – Hannah Arendt

“Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave.” – Indira Gandhi

“Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.” – Alice Duer Miller

“As long as you don’t forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy a rent-free space in your mind.” – Isabelle Holland

“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.” – Cherie Carter-Scott

“Forgiveness is like faith. You have to keep reviving it.” – Mason Cooley

“Only the brave know how to forgive. … A coward never forgave; it is not in his nature.” – Laurence Sterne

“Remember, you don’t forgive someone for his or her sake – you forgive them for your sake.”

“Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting, nor does it mean that you’ve given the message that what someone did was okay. It just means that you’ve let go of the anger or guilt towards someone or yourself. But that can be easier said than done. If forgiveness was easy, everyone would be doing it.”

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” – Katherine Ponder

“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” – Bryant H. McGill

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” – Robert Quillen

“Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.” – Anonymous

“Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way, and time-just like it does for you and me.” – Sara Paddison

“Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.” – Marlene Dietrich

“Forgiveness is the giving, and so the receiving, of life.” – George MacDonald

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” – Louis B. Smedes

“We are all on a lifelong journey, and the core of its meaning, the terrible demand of its centrality is forgiving and being forgiven.” – Martha Kilpatrick

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” – Robert Muller

“Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” – Mark Twain

“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.” – William Arthur Ward

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” – Paul Boese

“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” – William Blake

“If you can’t forgive and forget, pick one.” – Robert Brault

“He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.” – George Herbert

“Without forgiveness, life is governed by… an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.” – Roberto Assagioli

I still would do whatever it takes…………..

 

21

To Forgive

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forgiveness 99To live life is to be let down. Disappointment seems to come with the territory. We then have a few simple choices when things go wrong, and we can carry around the anger of being hurt or practice forgiveness and move on. Sometimes other people’s actions are so painful that it seems impossible to forgive like you will be letting the person who wronged you off the hook. That is the same attitude that keeps you suffering and under the control of an event or the actions of others for your entire life.  There are many benefits of forgiveness the will make your life a more enjoyable experience.  Freedom is one, and there are many benefits of forgiveness.

Your Health Will Be Better.

When you look around the internet for benefits of forgiveness, the Mayo Clinic offers a great many

Greater health and energy from forgiveness
More excellent health and energy from forgiveness

physical benefits the process of forgiving can provide. Letting go of the negative emotions surrounding any grudge-holding or hurt is not debatable. They include lower blood pressure, a lower risk of depression, decreased anxiety, improved relationships, better heart health, and a more robust immune system.

All of these were coming from the rational choice to forgive someone. The alternative is to hang on to the grudge and have all of the material things above become a problem, as in increased anxiety, higher blood pressure, more mediocre relationships, worse heart health, and weaker immune system. It seems like a no-brainer for your health to forgive others or yourself and let go of the negative emotions surrounding an event in your life. Your health will be better for it.

Buddha once said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

Forgiveness Nurtures Growth

It doesn’t seem to matter if it is a relatively small event you can’t forgive someone or yourself for or a choose to growhuge mistake when you maintain the grudge. You are remaining stuck where you are.  Think about it, an event that has happened in the past exists in the past, and as long as your focus is on the past, that is where you will stay.  To forgive and let go of the anger will allow you to move forward with your life. The only way to become unstuck and start to grow is to forgive those we are angry with.

Events in the past are not going to change, and they are what they are. Only your attitude about them can change, and you have total control over them. The person who gets the benefit of your forgiveness is going to be you. You will find that you can create, be optimistic about the future, and leave the weight of the past behind you. You will be surprised how much you can do without all that extra weight of blame, anger, hatred, and lack of forgiveness weighing you down. You can begin to grow again. Without growth, life ceases to exist.

Nobody is Off The Hook

Forgiveness is not weighted. That is, there are no levels of forgiveness, depending on the wrong forgive1committed. You will still be weighed down, trapped by an event or person, and unable to grow until you decide to forgive.  Many people I talk to say that what was done to them was too awful, too terrible to be forgiven. When you forgive, you do not condone or make anything morally right. You permit yourself to leave the experience of the event behind you and to move forward. Nobody is let off the hook by your forgiveness except for you.  You never have to talk to a person to forgive them.

Forgiveness is a rational choice that you make, allowing you to direct your thoughts more positively. It will enable a person to create positive new memories and a life full of happiness and joy, rather than to be weighed down by the negative memory of an event or person from the path. All of the control in your life will move you and away from an adverse event.  You will become a more reliable, more powerful person when you practice forgiveness because forgiveness is proactive. Anger, resentment, grudges, and hate are all reactive.

“Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.”— Desmond Tutu

“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”— Bryant H. McGill

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”— Mark Twain

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”— Lewis B. Smedes

21

Defining Fear

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In all lives, there are two forces always fighting for control, fear and love. What is fear really but the thoughts about things that will cause us to suffer? We all deal with these thoughts to some degree. Some people who are consciously aware of the moment are not affected very much because they avoid the two traps of fear. At the same time, those who do not contemplate their thoughts and see the moment are ruled by fear and all of its cynical cousins, judgment, anger, selfishness, and a lack of empathy. Look at yourself today and see where fear is sitting in your consciousness. Is it front and center, or have you conquered it and placed it safely in a cage in the back of your mind. Remember, we all feel fear at some point; the key to life is how we deal with it.

Fearful History

There are two ways that fear enters into your thoughts and pervades your feelings and actions. One is when we think of bad things that have happened in the past—remembering painful experiences from earlier days in our life experience. When you feel fear and have a conscious awareness of it, many try to push it away, bury it deep in ourselves and not deal with it. For a while, that can work, but eventually, it will pop out when you least expect it, outside of your control. The original episode of fear could have happened when you were five years old, or 30 years old, when the concern arises rather than pushing it down, invite it to stay.

Look at your fear and face it back to its origin. Something occurred, which caused you to suffer. It could have been a lack of care, a break in trust, a physical or psychological pain that you have pushed down and never dealt with before. Let the fear enter your mind, get to know it, and face it head-on. Investigate them. Where did they come from to visit you? Accept them and forgive those who might have caused the suffering, including yourself. The past is over and dead, and nothing can change what has happened. Letting it control your experience right now is a waste of time and effort. Face the fears of the past, allow them to exist, and leave you alone.

Future Fear

Fears’ other big weapon is the future. Unlike the past, the end has not happened yet and is wide open to possibilities. Fear and worry rob you of your freedom as you live your life hiding from problems created inside the fertile walls of your imagination. Your imagination is a powerful tool, it can guide you to great things, or it can paralyze you and rob you of your potential. Worry and fear of the future is a misuse of your most powerful tool of imagination. Creating scenarios that will lead to suffering but never really existed. These worries will stop people from following their dreams and doing what they want because fear says they might look foolish, or not someone else might think poorly of them.

Fighting your imagination is a tricky thing, but it works similarly to facing your past. Embrace the fears and follow them to their source. Fear of abandonment, loss, being alone, or the biggest one of all, dying. All people fear something. Learning to deal with it actively, embrace it, and face your fear will take you to its source. Conscious awareness of your concerns and their origins will free you to use your valuable imagination for good in your life. In your imagination, great things reside, which once thought we could bring into reality. They are creating the best future for yourself and the world you can. Only when we conquer our fear and move forward.

Society of Fear

We are inundated with messages of fear continually in our community. If you watch the “news” from a significant network, their job is to create fear in your mind. It is not to keep you informed because they choose what you hear and how the message is presented. People who are afraid are easy to control and manipulate. Don’t allow others to control you with fear. Live in the moment. Are you in danger at this moment? If not, then don’t let fear move you to stereotype or label anyone else as an immigrant, Russian, Korean, or anything else. People are people just like you with worries and desires all on their own. To see anything else is a manipulation of the facts.

We are inundated with images of the perfect physical body, or the perfect home, perfect marriage, perfect relationship, perfect this or perfect that. Perfection is impossible, and feeling fear about not measuring up is delusional. Looking inside yourself and being the person you were meant to be is most important. Put the fear of what others think of you or how you measure up to the fake standard of our society. Be the best you that you can that is good enough for everyone.

Finally

To lessen the impact fear has on your life, invite it to the surface of your life. Look at it and analyze it rather than push it way down inside of yourself. Shine the light of reason on it, and it will cease to be fearful to you. We all have fear in many areas of life because we want to avoid pain. Pain is going to come when it comes; often, its anticipation is worse than the actual situation itself. Face your fear with courage and thought, seeing its origins, and you will rise above it.

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”― Plato.

“Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others.” ― Robert Louis Stevenson.

“Nothing in life is to be feared; it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more so that we may fear less.”
― Marie Curie

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”― Franklin D. Roosevelt.