Disappointment – the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.

Things sometimes don’t work out the way you planned. Events occur in our lives, building up high expectations of what might happen, and when they come crumbling down and don’t work out the way you thought they might. Like many things, we have no control over some of the challenges we face, and we only have control over how we react to it. Disappointment is a part of life, and positive learning to deal with it is part of being a healthy, well-adjusted human being. It all starts with your thoughts, words, and actions around every disappointment you face.

Origin of Disappointments

Being disappointed comes when things don’t live up to our expectations. We all build attachments to scenarios we would like to see. When those things don’t happen the way we envisioned, our accessories are broken, disturbing, and upsetting. In our minds, this is a loss of something that we had already created through hope. A new job you were sure you would get, or the relationship you knew would never end, they disappear, and you are left with the pangs of disappointment. It has been happening this way throughout our lives, and we have learned to build up a system of protection against a blow.

It could have been something your parents did or something that happened in school or life somewhere, but when you were a kid, at some point, you got your hopes up and built attachments to the outcome you wished to see and were disappointed by the result. This disappointment caused you to build defenses against getting your expectations up or always expecting the worst. That way, you could never be let down, only pleasantly surprised if things worked out. You can answer honestly if this is still a pattern in your life now. Fear of being hurt, we never believe great things can happen. But they certainly can, if we can move past the attachment to something outside of us and look at the great things inside us.

Overcoming Disappointment

Life is an inconsistent experience. It loves you one minute and leaves you locked outside in the rain the next. We need to look for the hidden opportunities that come our way when things don’t work out the way we think or hope they should. For example, you apply for a job you think is perfect for you and give you all of the things you are looking for. You start building scenarios in your mind about it, and soon your attachments have you thinking it is your destiny and the most desirable outcome for you. Then you find out you don’t get the job.

The reasons you don’t get the job could have nothing to do with you. Somebody knew somebody. They were more experienced. They wanted someone older or younger or taller or from a different country. Whatever the reason, we often get so disappointed with not getting the job that we don’t see the opportunity sitting there. Now you can move on to find the place you do belong to. You may look somewhere else you would never have thought of, and in that place may lie your destiny. There is no sense of feeling bad for too long. Life is going to go on and give you the experiences you need. Learn your lessons, and keep looking for opportunities. They are always there waiting for you.

Don’t take things like this personally when they have very little to do with who you are.

Experience

The result of facing and overcoming disappointments in life is where experience comes from. Life is a game, and it continually puts you through situations to make you better at playing it. In the words of the Rolling Stones, “You can’t always get what you want, but you can get what you need.”  Most times, we are not the judge of what we need, and we will take the easy way, even though the more difficult choice may be best for our long-term wellness.

Some look at challenges as punishment and wallow in their disappointment. But those who find success are the ones who see the problem as an opportunity to grow, follow, and become the best version of themselves we should all be striving to become.

It will all begin with an increased awareness of our thoughts, words, and actions around the disappointments we face in life. Look for the opportunity for growth, and don’t take it personally. You can only control what you think, say, and do. Other people’s choices and actions are theirs. Let them deal with the result of not hiring the best person in the world for their job.

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.”~  Eliza Tabor 

“Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~ Unknown