Tag Archives: Happiness

21

The Unknown

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face the unknown
Be grateful for What is Currently Unknown.

All of us have a deep desire to know what will happen next.  Where are we going? What is the next step? What should I do now?

Sometimes it seems like it would be much easier if our lives were scripted in a book that we could read beforehand.  Follow the script, and you will eventually come to your happy ending, and everything will be alright for all situations.  That is just not the way that life works, and I, for one, am understanding of it and most grateful for it.  Face the new experiences of life and bravely embrace the unknown. You don’t have any other choice, and you have made your choices, which have put you where you are. Be responsible and own your situation, regardless of the fear and the unknown.

Don’t Fear What You Don’t Know.

I have found the unknown to be very undesirable on a few occasions. First, when things are going just wonderfully.  When you look around and think, “Wow, I overcome your fear of the unknownam so happy right now.”

This attitude is a problem because if I feel on top of the world, I have the built-in fear that there is no place to go but down.  Since that is the case, I tried not to get too happy for many years because it could be taken away.  I never realized that happiness is not extrinsic from myself; it is inside.  I have had experiences that were fun, happy, wonderful, and I never wanted them to end.  I also have experienced scary, uncomfortable, painful, and sad things.  In the past, I thought that my happiness couldn’t exist in the presence of something terrible.  I found that my joy depends not on what happens to me but on how I look at the world from the inside.  We are not in control of many things outside of ourselves, but we are in total control over how we handle them.

I know many people who have everything they should need in the world.  A healthy relationship, money, family, you name it.  Yet they choose to be unhappy, which I can’t understand.  I also know people who seem to have very little but are extremely happy.  It takes me to a quote I heard, warning you to be careful when you find something that makes you happy because it can be taken away from you.   Happiness comes from within you.  So if you accept whatever happens as the experience that it is, sad things make you feel sadness for a time, but your happiness is not at the whim of fate.  It appears or strays according to your own choices.

Let go of your fear of the unkownLet Go

People do all sorts of things to make it seem like they control life.  We create strict schedules for our days and manipulate people and events to control outcomes.  These things never seem to work out in the end as we would like.

Often, the things we do to control life shield us from new and exciting experiences, and when it comes to business manipulating others leads to a poor working environment. Letting go of the need to control everything and understanding that it is impossible to do anyway is a step in a positive direction. You are just one person in the world with your thoughts, insights, and needs. Let others have theirs. You can only control your reaction to events as they unfold.

Make your plans to the best of your ability and allow things to unfold. The people you are with may surprise you with much more than you ever thought possible. Or perhaps with much less than you would hope. But either way, there is a lesson in it for you.

Not Knowing Lets You Grow

Being grateful for the things you don’t know is intelligent because it allows you to experience something beyond your scope of reality.   Most people would never stretch themselves beyond what they already know if they didn’t have to.

It is very comfortable to sit in your life, where you seem to know everything you need to be safe and feel in control.  Yet, there is the world out there that may require you to stretch outside of that comfort zone to contribute what you are meant to give to its well-being.  The Unknown Provides this.  Once a new experience comes to you, you have to experience growth to deal with it regardless of its nature.  If you stop growing, you will be moving in the other direction.  Nobody stays the same.

I choose to accept the unknown of each day as a part of life that was sent to teach me what I need to know to grow.   So today, I am grateful for the things I don’t know and hope I dare to deal with them as the experience of life unfolds.

Don’t let fear run your life. Be the captain of your destiny. 

“The unknown always passes for the marvelous.” Anonymous

“Replace the fear of the unknown with curiosity.” Anonymous

“Sometimes, you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.” Anonymous

“Going into the unknown is how you expand what is known.” Julien Smith

“We do not fear the unknown. We fear what we project onto the unknown.” Teal Swan

“A hero is somebody who voluntarily walks into the unknown.” Tom Hanks

“Awaken your mind to the unknown.” ATGW

 

21

You Deserve It

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you deserve to be happyDo you deserve happiness? This thought is a question most of us ask either on the conscious or subconscious level, and the honest answer we give too often is NO.  This limiting belief comes with us through the experiences that have taught us to expect less than the best. There is no reason to look at yourself and believe that you don’t deserve happiness. The only thing stopping you from living a happy life is own negative stories that you tell yourself in your mind. You always have the choice to look at yourself with softer eyes and admit that you deserve to be happy.

Your Mind is the Key on How to Feel Happy in Life

Your mind is a beautiful tool, but sometimes the wiring is off, and we 0b13574e717dd8cedbe9d364b21885a6listen to everything it tells us. Your ego has the job of making sense of the world and finding out why you are where you are.  Your ego evaluates all of your actions and most often uses negative stories to do so. These stories in your mind are the negative limiting beliefs we carry throughout life until we consciously choose to change them. Most of them come to light to keep you safe.  Your ego remembers that you tried and failed, loved once, and were hurt or trusted and disappointed.  That is where the negative stories come from, fear.

If your stories are telling you in any way you don’t deserve to be happy because of an action in the past or an event that happened to you, you have two choices, believe it and allow the limitations of that thought to destroy any happiness you have. Or you can choose to realize that you deserve to be happy, no matter what has happened in the past.

Keep in mind that no matter who you are and what you are going through, you are doing the best you can with what you have to work with at the time. That is a simple truth. You may not like the results of the situation, but learn from it, develop and grow and see what happens in the future. Your positive feelings will guide you on the path to feeling happy in life. 

Everyone Can Feel Happy in Life

Happiness truly comes from within oneself. If you need an outside stimulus to how to be happy in lifebring happiness, it will be challenging to find constant joy in your life. Every day you are given a group of opportunities to experience. Whether they make you happy or not is a choice. You decide your attitude toward them and how it makes you feel.

“A great attitude becomes a great mood, which becomes a great day, which becomes a great year, which becomes a great life. “~ Zig Zigler

If you are looking for a stimulus to bring you happiness, your moments will be short-lived and sporadic. When that thing that supplies satisfaction, material possessions, money, drugs, sex, or anything else is removed, where are you?

You deserve to be happy as often as you decide you should be because you are a  unique person, the only one that has ever existed. Each of us has an originality that allows us to contribute our special gift to the world.

Each person is the only one who can decide whether they are happy or not. Nobody else can do this. You deserve it as much as anyone. Make the choice today to feel satisfied in life.

“If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.’
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.”—-Chinese Proverb

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.”—–Dale Carnegie

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”——-Winnie the Pooh

https://youtu.be/P74YRczb84Q

 

21

Suffering

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It was pointed out to me today there is a slight misconception about my perspective of life. I write about my philosophy, which is one of self-improvement. Some seem to miss life is full of challenges that cause suffering in my experience virtually every day. In the past, I had fewer tools in my toolbox to deal with them, but I have dedicated myself over the past ten years to become better at handling these learning moments and being able to have a more productive and enjoyable life. To be clear, I am not happy all the time. In fact, over the past year, I would suggest there was a lot more “unhappy” in my emotional vault. But the hope is that I am not stuck with the suffering. I can overcome it, learn a lesson, and become a better person because of it. You can make conscious choices, which will allow you to find meaning in life and even enjoy the process if you open your mind to them. These are the processes I am writing about, not a “pie in the sky” ode to unconditional happiness. Here is what I have learned.

I am Responsible

Every person in the world makes a thousand decisions during each day we live. We decide everything from which clothes to wear to treating a rude person we stand in line next to at the bank. My life is no different. I make many decisions and try to make them with honesty and integrity at each moment. I don’t always make the best choices. Sometimes I eat things I shouldn’t. Sometimes I say the wrong something at the wrong time. There are even days I run a red light if nobody is around. But the one thing I always am is responsible for my choices in every way.

If I am not reaching my body weight goals because I choose to eat things not healthy for me, it is because of my poor decision. I can’t blame the food or the time of day I felt weak. Or the fact that I was feeling down because something negative occurred. No, I alone am responsible for the choices and have to accept the consequences. It is my responsibility, even if my favorites don’t bring the most desirable results. Sadness, regret, worry, anger, and other negative emotions are a part of life. But I think many don’t read here that it is your most important choice of how you choose to deal with them. You can allow them to make you bitter and angry, or you can want to learn, develop, and become a better person. I hope that the better person is the result of my suffering.

We are Not Supposed to Be Anything

The idea we are supposed to be happy all the time is unrealistic for anyone. Some may think we are supposed to feel joy and wonder about our situations, but that isn’t realistic. I have written many times that happiness is a choice, and I believe it is, but that doesn’t mean you walk around with blinders to the weak treatment others send your way or the poor feelings about yourself and the job you lost, or the disappointment you feel. I know there is no “right” way to feel at any moment.

We are not supposed to be happy, joyous, intelligent, winning, sad, disappointed, or angry. All people will, at some point, have to deal with all of these emotions, and they will do to you what you allow them to do. The thing is that how you choose to deal with them is your personal choice, and I have had to do this continually throughout my life. Do I get bitter because someone was dishonest with me? Do I carry a hatred inside for someone who has harmed me? It would be easy to do sometimes, but it wouldn’t represent the kind of person I strive to be. That is why I write about things like the power of forgiveness, how fear affects us, guilt, and dealing with our emotions. Not to discount the negative things we all deal with but to provide a path for hope for something better. It is a choice we all make for ourselves every day. There is nothing you have to be to be healthy. Just be yourself.

Darkness Walks with Light

I have thought of the events the past year has brought over and over again. It amazes me to see the balance of dark and light in my life. If you look at the people who have entered my life, left my life, and just influenced me, there is a positive balance between light, which was enjoyable, and darkness, which, of course, was not. Moments of joy, wonder, understanding, caring, and love found a check from equal moments of pain, disappointment, fear, anger, and disillusionment. It makes you wonder if the light is worth it that maybe we should live in a shady area in between where there are no great things but no horrible things either.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t work without contrast. Darkness provides a method of accomplishment; light never could. My experience with night has driven me to seek harder for the light and accomplish what before would have been impossible. The sun makes you get comfortable, like a beautiful warm blanket. It envelopes you and makes you never change. Change is inevitable and constant, so those things don’t go together. I had to learn to lift the blanket, forget the warmth, and dive into the cold of the darkness. This challenge is not something I write about often because the real lesson isn’t to embrace the difficult but to keep moving forward and maintain a sense of hope for the future. Find dignity in life despite things not being comfortable. The desire is there is more light in your future, and positive choices at this moment might help bring that about.

Being My Best

In the final analysis, I look at the idea that writing about being at peace and understanding that there is happiness in life available all the time is not a weakness or, worse unrealistic. A person can choose to look at their circumstances and see the problems. They can also look at the general state of chaos in the world and feel a sense of despair. But what will all that negativity in the costume of reality bring you? I am not powerful enough a person to solve all of the world’s problems, or even to make anyone else’s life better if they choose not to want that but………. I can make some other choices.

There are small things I can do every day to make my little part of the world better. Make simple choices to treat people with respect, kindness, and caring in day-to-day interactions. To try not to put any difficulty on people that have value to you. I strive to become the best person and succeed in life, equal to my talent and ability. To raise and fall in life and on the journey to my destiny to experience happiness. Joy is a choice I am making, proudly and thoroughly, and I hope that the great people I know have the strength to feel pleasure.

“Suffering is part of our training program for becoming wise.” ~Ram Dass

“Suffering by nature or chance never seems so painful as suffering inflicted on us by the arbitrary will of another.” Arthur Schopenhauer

“Suffering is but another name for the teaching of experience, which is the parent of instruction and the schoolmaster of life. “Horace

 

“Suffering is a corrective to point out a lesson which by other means we have failed to grasp, and never can it be eradicated until that lesson is learnt.” Edward Bach

“It is by suffering that human beings become angels.” Victor Hugo

“Suffering is the positive element in this world. Indeed it is the only link between this world and the positive.” Franz Kafka

“It’s at the borders of pain and suffering that the men are separated from the boys.” Emil Zatopek

“When suffering comes, we yearn for some sign from God, forgetting we have just had one. “Mignon McLaughlin

21

Joy

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What does your joy look like?

Can anyone define their joy as one particular aspect of a day or even a life?

I certainly can’t. Life is much faceted, and joy derives from many different experiences. The canvas that I paint on has many colors, and I take pleasure from many other parts of that image my life has created.

Joy is an emotion that comes from within each of us.  Things bring us experiences, but we have to allow the joy in ourselves to rise to the surface and show itself. Happiness can come when you are with someone else or by yourself. It can be in the morning or the afternoon.  You are fully able to feel it at any moment you choose.  My joy today looks like many things. I have some thoughts about some specific things I experience happiness about in life—a glimpse of what is making experience great pleasure and satisfaction today.

Freedom’s Just Another Name

Something about times of complete and utter freedom makes me extremely happy and fills my heart with joy and happiness.

freedom There are times in each day where you have to perform specific tasks for your job or to meet the expectations of loved ones. These acts bring a reward for their merit.  Yet, most days, there are moments where I have complete and utter freedom to do whatever I desire at that moment.

 My desires aren’t all that wild and unattainable. I like to write (surprise), I enjoy thinking, and I read with passion.  Finding the time and freedom to do these things fills me with joy today.

 I think that having and exercising your free will each day for some time make you feel rejuvenated and brand new. I know those moments when there is no requirement on me other than those I place on myself are precious.

 On most days, there is a small portion where I experience the freedom of choice, which looks like a joy to me today.

Be Creative, and Things will Flow.

tumblr_la3fh5yX2q1qcgiqwo1_500I have always thought of myself as a person that lacked creativity.  Since I was a young lad, I heard that I lacked the artistic imagination to make art.

The sad part was not that people said these things, but that I believed them.  If you feel this, it cripples your ability to find the answers you are looking for on your journey.

For example, some writers suffer from writer’s block. They can’t get the flow going no matter how hard they try.  One of the most effective ways to break down walls of any kind is to do something creative.  I find that as I become completely engaged in an activity on the creative side, generally, the blocks go away, and words and ideas start to flow freely.

Surprisingly drawing is a form of expression for me, which allows me to do this.  Even though I have no talent in this area, engaging in a brief drawing session will let me find some clarity if I struggle with thought. Creativity looks like my joy today.

Music is Joy

I have often written about how much music means to me, and it is a daily love affair that is only limited by the number of songs available for me to hear.  No one genre brings me joy because many songs and artists I wouldn’t think I would like to perform songs that I find that I can relate to, at least to some degree! I find that nothing explains your emotions better than music or speaks to your soul like the lyrics of the right song.!

Music works magically like a time machine and transports you to different times in your life, and you can almost more than remember those people who were in your life at the time, you can only touch them with your heart and feel them with your soul but touch them and feel them you do.

A song can transport you over the years to a specific place and time. In an instant, you are there re-experiencing the moment from long ago. Happiness, sadness, or even joy can wash over you as you remember your past actions through a song.

As I drive down the road listening to some great music from today and yesterday, I know my joy looks like music today.

You Look Like Joy To Me!

If you are reading this, then you are what my joy looks like today.  I was thinking about what makes me joyous, and that is when something I write affects someone else and makes them believe in any way.

It can be a positive or negative reaction, but to be moved enough to comment, either way, makes me very happy.

 As anyone who writes probably has realized, this is all just the thoughts that come into your head.  They never existed before in the manner you used them and wrote them down. It is an expression of yourself in your mind.

 If someone else can read them and take something from them, find inspiration, commiseration,  or agitation, then I think that is a pretty powerful thing. I enjoy reading the ideas of others as they push me to learn more about myself and think about what I want to be and do in this experience of life: the personality and the presentation of the information counts.  Much like music, there is an unlimited number of writers and creators out there providing great information and excellent entertainment.  I learn something interacting with each written piece I come across.  I find new ones every day like a treasure hidden, just waiting for someone to discover them.

Joy is a feeling that comes from within, and all of these help me feel it because I accept them in my life. Each of us is in charge of the level of joy we experience and from what source it comes.

“Let your joy be in your journey—not in some distant goal.” —Tim Cook

“We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.” —Joseph Campbell

“Find joy in everything you choose to do. Every job, relationship, home… it’s your responsibility to love it, or change it.” —Chuck Palahniuk

“The soul’s joy lies in doing.” —Percy Bysshe Shelley

“If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any broken moment.”

 

 

21

Mindfulness

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All of us are looking for happiness. When you look at the result, we would like to experience all of our choices, and we hope to find satisfaction. However, it seems like many people let other things get in the way of their happiness.  Anger, jealousy, worry, or just plain fear grab ahold of your mind and stop you from reaching the ultimate goal of being happy in life.  The attachments we build to relationships, events, jobs, or anything else prevent us from enjoying the experiences we have every day.

Let it Go

It starts with the things we are attached to in thought. The attachments we make stem from the beliefs that we learned as children and never questioned. Thoughts about security, happiness, survival, success, we believe all these things in our lives are necessary to be happy.  Most of these things we hold on to are not the path to happiness but obstacles to it.

We are taught a narrative from a young age about what a successful education, career, and family life should look like in your life. People spend years cultivating this perceived image of success. We attach tightly to it, even though it may not make us happy. Letting go is difficult because our jobs have become a part of our identity.  Changing the narrative can be difficult because we worry about being accepted and what others, even those closest to us, think.  Let go of your attachments and see what happens.

Paradise and Hell

Inside each of us is the potential for heaven and the potential for hell. We decide which one shows up in our life. However, much of what happens to us is out of our control. How we react to everything is 100% of our choice.  We have the potential to build favorable circumstances or negative ones. Our selection of focus will determine what manifests in your life and how you affect the world.

If our choice is to wallow in the suffering of past hurts and sorrows, then this is a choice that will lead to a negative experience in your life. You are deciding to allow those negative feelings to grow inside you, and what we nurture inside will show up on the outside.

The good news is that no matter how negative you are currently or have been in the past, change can happen right now at this very moment.  The opposite thoughts are available to you right now. If you are experiencing fear, choose feelings of love. If you are bitter, focus on thoughts of acceptance. By concentrating and focusing on the positive, the seeds grown will choke out the negative in all aspects of life.

Be Mindful

This attitude leads to the practice of mindfulness. It means to plant your focus squarely on today and what is happening in your life right now—not allowing yourself to get lost in the memories of the past or trapped by thoughts of the future.  Practicing mindfulness can provide positive energy throughout the day, and that positive wave is available to you at all times.

Focused breathing is a simple way to bring your mind into the moment and to choke out random thoughts of the past or future. Happiness is at the moment. Not all moments are great to experience, but each moment of life has the potential for the experience of joy. You will miss this if your mind is lost in the past or floating around in the future.

Manage your Focus

A focus of thought is the next step, and it works with mindfulness. Once you can center your thoughts on what is happening today, then weeding out the ones that negatively affect you is easy to do.  Concentrating will not allow thoughts of potential suffering or fear of the future to stop you from living a vital and happy life right now.  Life is a test, and there will be moments that test you. Real growth would be painful without them.

Notice Your Thoughts

Clarity is the result of all of this.  Seeing the world as it truly is and finding happiness in that experience. We are not worrying about what MIGHT come tomorrow or regret or be fretting over the past.  This realization will set you free from the suffering thoughts of anger, jealousy, and fear. The result will be feelings of true happiness. We all can use this insight, but it seems few take advantage of it to increase our level of satisfaction. That choice, as in all things, is yours.

  • “Be ever happy inside. You can’t change things outside of you, but you can change yourself.”
  • “There are no obstacles: There are only opportunities!”
  • “There is no greater power than to smile at failure, no more beautiful an ornament to your being than a genuine smile, and no beauty greater than the smile of peace and wisdom glowing on your face.”
  • “Live quietly in the moment and see the beauty of all before you. The future will take care of itself.”
  • “Forget the past, for it is gone from your domain! Forget the future, for it is beyond your reach! Control the present! Live supremely well now! This is the way of the wise.”
  • “Accept change as life’s only constant. Life is change.”

 

21

Belief

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Belief- an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists.

It is essential to understand what a belief is and how it affects your life.  A belief is just a thought that we supply attachment to and accept as true and accurate in and to our lives. What you choose to believe is going to determine the foundation of your life. It is, of course, going to drive the story of your adventure.

If you have built an attachment to a belief limiting your potential, you may never be able to create all you are capable of building. Or, at the very least, it will provide a vast edifice needing to be conquered.   Take some time and develop an awareness of all of the beliefs you have chosen to accept as our reality. And how our lives are driven positively or negatively because of it.  Analyze where they come from and what evidence is there to back them up. Usually, there is not much fact, and we are running our lives based on another rumor. Seeing the origin of your beliefs begins with a focus on your thoughts, words, and actions around your ideas. And how they influence your behavior and accomplishments.

Don’t Let Opinions Limit You.

All people should value themselves and the gifts they bring to the world. Too often, we allow the opinions and thoughts of others to become a part of our belief systems. Even though they are untrue, make you weaker, ruin your self-esteem, and take away your power. It is always up to you which ideas you actively accept and let slide beliefpast your consciousness.  How we feel about our values and abilities is probably the most vital factor in developing and using the skills we have born in us. Too often, our lights are turned off before we even get a chance to take them for a test drive and see just what we are capable of doing.

It seems like people have chosen not to pursue their skills, and of course, are not fulfilled.  Misery loves company, and they consciously or subconsciously deter all others from pursuing theirs. But more importantly, I think, if someone else succeeds around them, develops their talents, and finds success, it makes the folly of their limiting belief apparent. That is a scary thing.  YOU build your self-worth based on how you feel about your abilities, skills, and choices in life. Choose to look at yourself in the most favorable light you can find. It is not arrogant to love yourself. It is common sense. You are the most critical person in your life!  Don’t waste your opportunity settling for the limiting beliefs of others. Change them and see how great a person you can become.

You Can Do It

Henry Ford gets credit for this quote, but I think anyone who has ever endeavored to achieve anything could say it as well. “If you believe you can, your right. If you believe you can’t, you are also right.”  No more accurate evaluation of our beliefs beliefhas ever been stated and provided a more significant explanation for what we do or do not achieve. It doesn’t mean that you will never fail; it means that the “failure” is merely a lesson or a necessary step along the path to ultimate success and fulfillment.  If you let a setback destroy your belief in yourself, then you will indeed be limited. You can choose this path or keep on going and see what happens next.

Make a goal, create a dream, and keep on taking nonstop action toward it. Action is the path to success in all areas throughout history.  Very few things will come “easy,” they take effort and action. That is what gives them value.  But isn’t that a pretty simple formula?  Cut out the harmful noise of others and keep to your task. If you know that you can become whatever you want, why do we let our beliefs stop us? Take affirmative action and create positive expectations.

Create Positive Beliefs

You only have a relatively short amount of time in this life. You can choose to spend it being small because someone else thinks you are unrealistic or incapable.  Or you can make an effort and take your chances and find your measure against the world. People are afraid of achieving their goals because they see they could have achieved just as much if they believed in their abilities and talents just a little more.  Be true to yourself and recognize the beliefs you have, limiting you and causing you to be limited in your pursuits of fame, money, charity, kindness, or whatever you are looking for in life. Recognizing a limiting belief is the first step to changing it and replacing it with one that serves you and your life.

How to do this is a matter of trial and error for each individual. Variables include your history, the creation of the belief. How much of a part of your identity are the belief and all the other things that make us human?  But with a plan of action, and a willingness to change the way you look at things, the changes will happen.  There are many methods to try, but I suggest making personal affirmations that fall within your belief system but push your thoughts in the most positive direction of achievement.  Begin with an active conscious awareness of what you believe and why.

It is a scary proposition to be responsible for your life, but you are, and if you are not where you wish to be, then take steps to start moving in that direction. It is totally up to you.  Create awareness around your thoughts, words, and actions today and see what beliefs dictate your reality and if you are limiting others with your own limiting beliefs. The future is as full of possibility as you believe it is.

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.”   ― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan.

“Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.” ― George Carlin.

 

 

 

21

Attitude Adjustment

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Recently, I have been reminded that no matter how much you focus on the positive, there will still be moments when you are going to feel some negative emotions. They may be a rare occurrence, but they do happen in everyone’s life. Rather than be held hostage by negative emotions, I look for ways to leave that negative mood behind and move into a more personally valuable space. Accomplishing this is not easy because once you let the gloomy thoughts into your area, they tend to take over and dominate your thoughts, words, emotions, and actions, negatively affecting your life and all those in it. The great news is none of these thoughts patterns are permanent, and some simple things can help you find a better space.  Our moods are energy, and we have the power to shift our energy at any time.  Be assured that an attitude is as permanent as the thoughts you decide deserve your focus.  You can turn it around, and here is how.

Learn the Positive Opposite

One of the easiest ways to change your emotional state is to recognize the negative and focus your attention on its positive opposite. When a situation occurs and stirs up negative emotion, first, understand what is happening. You know that you feel anxious, angry, upset, worried, mean, or some other feeling on the opposing side. Once you identify the emotion, you will want to understand what is making you feel that way. Some situation has brought on negative thinking.  Understanding this will provide insight into what you need to work on for yourself and better deal with future problems.  Once you have pinpointed the negative emotion that is permeating your mind, immediately identify with its opposite. If you are feeling anxious, focus on things that calm you.

To be calm is a challenge because negative moods and emotions are much like quicksand; they suck us in slowly and inevitably and are not easy to escape. The quicker your action, the easier it is to remove yourself from the negative mess. If you sit there wallowing in it and thrashing about, you are only going to sink deeper.  Recognize the negative emotions quickly. Change your thoughts to the opposite of what is dragging you into the muck. The optimistic view is a sturdy rope that will pull you out of that quicksand. Just keep your focus and be willing to believe you can control how you feel and affect the world around you.

Emotional Shift Example

Let’s say you start to feel about anger coming on.  Something has happened to trigger it and make you think you have to express this anger.  First, understanding that anger is the face of fear helps because you are troubled, life isn’t going to meet your needs. But an immediate shift in thought to gratitude or thankfulness for all the things you have will calm this common negative emotion.

Knowing that life will meet your needs will often assure you that anger isn’t the right path to venture down. The same goes for the emotions of fear.  The opposite of fear is love. They go hand and hand, and love is a many-faceted emotion.  If you are experiencing fear of loss, change your focus to the existence of those who love you.

Judgments

Negative emotions, like the judgment of other people, can result in a negative, bad mood. Many of our decisions are created based on erroneous information provided by the media, movies, or, most often, inaccurate preconceived notions. Judging others limits you.   Acceptance is the opposite position that always is available when judgment comes into reality.  Look at the feeling of judgment, recognize why you feel that way. Let it go and allow people to be who they are.  We judge other people on things that are different from us. Usually, judging occurs to make someone feel better about themselves. Or sometimes, a flaw in another is something we see and don’t like in ourselves.

Acceptance is the opposite of judgment and comes when we realize we are all the same inside, and no matter who you are looking at or what they have done, you are connected by our shared humanity.  All people are just a different version of you. Who is to say what you might do or have done in different circumstances. Focus on spending your thoughts on accepting others as they are and making yourself the best version you can. Each moment spent judging the lives of others is a waste of energy and brings you nothing positive at all. Look to recognize the humanity in all people. Even if it pushes you to the depth of your being, try to see another’s humanity.

Positive Focus

positive focusIn our lives, we always have a chance to focus our attention and energy toward the positive. Even when we allow ourselves to fall into a negative mindset, we can still shift it all around and salvage a day or even a situation. There will be some things that hurt us, and we have to react appropriately, but in everyday life, too often, people allow the negative to dominate their existence.  Sorrow and grief will enable you to experience loss, but when it is time to turn it around, you focus on positive things, triumphant situations.  With frustrations or disappointment, change the focus to patient understanding that all items are continually working, and we can’t see the result of any problem right now.

The positive is always available to you. It takes a focus and desire to move into a positive frame of mind continually.  Ask yourself, what kind of life experience do you want to have?  Remember always that life is a finite experience, and it will all be over too soon. You can choose to enjoy the ride.

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” Willie Nelson

“Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one.”- Hans Selye.

 

21

Like It or Not

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How I often approach change. It can be scary!
How I often approach change. It can be scary! I need to perfect the art of laughing!

There is little in life as frustrating as change. Whether we want it or not, it comes along in life and forces us to do something other than what we have been doing, whether we are ready to stop doing it.

Most people, if not all people, have at least a passing disdain for change, and I think there are good reasons for this, yet I think we also all are well aware that change provides positives we need. How to deal with this mystery of inevitable and painful movement from one phase of life to another? That is the inevitable question.

Why Change is Hard

As humans, I think it is natural that we find comfort in routine.  It is always safe to get up at the same time, follow the same patterns of life.  Depart for work at about the same time each morning and throughout whatever you do during the day.

accepted or changedWe do this because it is safe, we do this because it represents order, we do this because it is reassuring. If you don’t think so, disrupt someone’s routine, even for one day, and watch their reaction. It is all a perception and illusion of control. We control so little in reality that seeming in control of our routine gives us comfort.

Our minds are constantly seeking safety and the ability to know where our place in the world is.  The world will not end if you do something different, but sometimes it may just feel like it.

Choosing to Change

process not eventIf you are choosing to change, then something must be significantly amiss. In my life, these choices of change have been around wanting to get into shape or a different job, but deep down, they were because I was not happy with life as it was, and the only chance to find happiness was to change.

It could be a new workout routine, a new job, or a new relationship. New is a nice word for change and makes you feel better about what you are doing. It also gives confidence to the outcome, which is always unknown.

One of the great things about choosing to change is that you feel like you have some sort of power in the decision-making process. It may be an illusion, but it still provides you with a great chance to feel empowered.  Enjoy that kind of change because the other type isn’t so very nice.

The Other Kind of Change

change 1This is the change that comes on you from nowhere and doesn’t give you an option. It simply gives you change.  Death of a loved one, an accident, an illness, a spouse leaves you, or you are laid off from a job.

There are many examples of this, and these are the changes that can kick your teeth in and jump up and down on you until you don’t think you can take it another second. The great unwanted moments of life upsetting your nicely ordered life.

Unwanted change is like the tide, inevitably pouring in no matter how you try to stop it, and it leaves behind a clean landscape.  Often the changes required of us are so significant we get swallowed up by them for a time. There is an almost numb feeling like life is happening and you are there, but you are more observer than a participant. This is a temporary feeling.  Until you get your bearings back and can navigate through the new circumstances, be brave in times of change, and eventually, you will gain your bearings.

Hope of Change

change sailsEven though this change can be pretty awful to experience, it is not the end of the world.  It just seems like it.

When you can look at change from the experience of surviving it, you can start to appreciate the growth you have had.  The pain of loss or suffering has become a part of your history, faded a bit, and now is replaced with wisdom.  This is the learning that life will give you one way or another.

It is a frightening proposition. If things are going great, you should appreciate them for all of their nuances and uniqueness. The hope in change is that it will always bring us closer to where we should be, meaning to me, closer to our authentic selves. We have to be aware of what lesson is being taught.

In my journey, there were times I was satisfied yet unaware that I was many, many miles away from where I needed to get. To be the best version of myself. Whether I am any closer to that is yet to be determined, but I am hopeful.

My Choice of Change

I promise myself that I will go easy on my fear of change and realize that it is just a natural reaction and emotion. People often will stick with a job, relationship, or life that isn’t working because even though they may not be ideal, they are known and therefore less scary than the unknown coming down the road even though the unknown may be perfect.

Cast off your line and let your ship move into change seamlessly.  There is no avoiding the specter of change, and your only choice is to fight and resist it or to ride the wave like a surfer.

If there were no change, nothing terrible would ever get better!

Songs of change:

 

21

Gold

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All That Is Gold, Does Not Glitter

All-that-is-goldOne of my favorite stories of my youth was The Lord of the Ring trilogy by  J.Rs.R. Tolkien.  I loved the fantasy of it and yes I was a total geek about it throughout my life.  I had the occasion to read the poem All that is Gold did Not Glitter the other day, and I wondered why I liked it so much. It is the description of Aragorn and I feel it describes the way many of us think about our own journey. There is a hero inside of us, nobody can see, just waiting for the right moment to rise.  This article attempts to explain my attachment to this poem and the connections I make to my life.
 Here is the Poem in its entirety:
“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
 From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king”

Below is my breakdown of the connection I see between this poem and life.

All that is gold does not glitter.

How many people have you met in your life where this is true?  I can think of many gold people, right off the top of my head. Individuals who lived their lives honestly and helping other people every time they had the chance.  Many helped me, and as a younger person, I was oblivious to the real gold that was located in their soul and was passed on to me. All of my grandparents were this way, and now they are

Gold does glitter, but so does great character!!

all gone, the lessons, the kindness, and the value of them has not diminished. It has grown. Their touch on my life and the lives of those that knew them was more valuable than gold.

As an older and hopefully wiser man, I try to remember and emulate those great individuals who have made living my life on the Earth a much more enjoyable experience. I only hope someday to be even a small influence of those lives I touch in a good way.  Those that glitter, or look for attention are not really out to help anyone but themselves. Look for the people who do good for good’s sake, not their own.

Not all those who wander are lost.

It is common to relate your own position in life to the position of others.  Most do it to gauge how they are doing in this game called life, others do it for comparison so that they can feel better about themselves and their decisions. It doesn’t matter where you are or even where you are going but the manner in which you are getting there. Honesty, courage, caring, understanding, acceptance, and love should all be a part of the journey. To ignore these things would be a lost journey indeed.  Judging someone else based on the outward appearance, or your own preconceived bias is wrong.

I think that understanding our own journey is totally unique to us and will bring you all of the joy, happiness, thrills, and valuable lessons that you can learn from and become better from.  Worry about your own wandering and accept that you can help others from time to time as well. Let others wonder on their journey, lost or not our journey is our own.

The old that is strong, does not wither.

Some certain truths and ideas may be old, but their value never diminishes. The power of love is one of these.  Attributes like honesty, faithfulness, fairness; integrity is all examples of positive qualities that show strength and never go out of style or wither away. We often look at the aging process as something to be avoided or a bad thing. It isn’t it is just a part of the journey. We are all born, we live and at some point we will die.  That is the way of it. As you get older and hopefully wiser, you gain a strength of character a younger man can’t have. Because you have faced the challenges life throws your way and you are still here.  You have won.

The more we steer our life’s course toward these positive factors, the stronger your experience will be.  Look at the people that you have known who you really admire.  What adjectives would you use to describe them? Our character is defined by the choices we have made. Right or wrong at the time does not matter now, all taught a lesson and it is how you use that knowledge that matters today.

Deep Roots are Not Reached By The Frost

I think that holding your values dear to you and sticking by them steadfastly, is what this line means.  The unavoidable changes in the world, like the weather, and what behavior is popular, is not going to affect a person who is really good.

The outside may be affected by the wear and tear of life, but the inside or the deep roots will never be touched by such temporary influences.

From the ashes, a fire shall be woken.

Everybody in the history of the world has had to face difficult times, it is a part of being human.  If you have never seen your life reduced to ashes, literally or proverbially then either you are very lucky, or you better have the number to your local fire department handy.

This is not to scare anybody, but to state, most people have been down.  That is not the part of the story that enthralls others, it is the rising from the ashes.  The rebirth of your life, that is better than you could ever imagine it could be.  The ability to rise from the destruction of everything you know, move forward and still thrive is the greatest of human stories.

A light from the shadow will spring.

It is at these moments when a person has been counted out, that they are primed for the greatest of victories. That light can be an idea, an act, or an event, but the greatest of these come from the places that are least expected.

Some of the greatest discoveries came from unexpected sources totally from left field.  Not because that what the only place they could come from, but because that is where destiny deemed they should come from.

 

Renewed Shall be the Sword that Was Broken

The sword can represent any part of your life that was shattered by the events you experienced in your time.  The renewal can be inside, outside, and most probably both.  A person can come back, love again and triumph again and enjoy all of the fruits of life that were once at their convenience.

The Crownless Again Shall Be King

All people, in all walks of life, have great ability inside them.  Even if they are not labeled as such, they are kings of what they possess.  Whatever talents they were born with, leadership, music, science, mathematics, or athletic prowess, these are the keys to your kingdom.  Please open your eyes and see what talent you have and pursue it.

The crown you wear will come from knowing that what you have been given by providence has been explored and exploited to its deepest and most complete capability.

All People Have Value

The key to happiness in these times for all people is to accept people for what they are, and what they possess inside.  Much like Strider in the Lord of the Rings, great power can be hidden by appearance, and underneath the surface, there may be a warrior, a poet, a scientist, or even a king simply waiting for the right time to show themselves.

My advice is to avoid judging someone from their appearances and looks deeper into what characteristics and the values they live by.  All people show you who they truly are through the values they represent day to day.

Come as you are, see the greatness within. 

21

Grateful

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What are you most grateful for?

gratitude 111It is a difficult task indeed to start to think about what you are most grateful for. Many people will say money. Some will say, love. Some will say, family. Some will say something else entirely.

I am thankful for all these things, but to me, there is no doubt that showing your gratitude is the most important thing to do. The feeling of gratitude is important.  So for me, I guess the act of feeling grateful is the thing I am most grateful for today.  Here is why.

Taking things for Granted

gratitude-quotes-16I was the type of person who took many great things in my life for granted. Not appreciating the things that people did for me out of the goodness of their hearts. Yet, I was not grateful. In fact, I think I felt entitled to all the things I had in my life.

 The problem with that is that you are never pleased with what you have but are always angry or worried about what you don’t have. This is the problem with a lack of gratitude. No matter how much you get, you are never pleased.

When You Lose Everything, You are Grateful for Anything

GratefulIn my life, I had the good fortune to lose everything. In that time of turmoil, many feelings of self-pity and anger eventually will consume you or push you to make changes.  I decided to change.

 It started with a change in attitude. The sun didn’t rise and set because I existed, and I could make a decision every day to decide how that day to be happy.  Happiness started with a realization of how lucky I was to have anything at all.

That realization expressed provides the feeling of gratitude. When it comes to events that are difficult to deal with, your designation of either good or bad is your perception of the experience.  The experience is still the same. You might as well be grateful for it.

Gratitude leads to more Gratitude.

Once you take a moment to express your gratitude each day, it has been my experience that deepakthe momentum will build, and you will find more in your life to be grateful for.  I have read that the act of being grateful is one of the most important emotions that you can experience because it opens the door for more things to enter your life that will deserve gratitude.

So I am most grateful for the time I take each day to appreciate fully what I experience in my life every day.  Away from labels of good or bad, they are experiences that provide all of the situations that combine to teach me the things I need to know to follow my purpose.  It is the moments of thankfulness that we find what is great in ourselves.

What are you most grateful for?