Learning Lessons

There is nothing I enjoy more than encouraging others.   I have been through enough to know life is not all sunshine and rainbows at this stage of my life, but I have experienced enough to know that you can still be happy regardless.  In my interactions with others daily, I often find myself counseling people to relax and let life work itself out.  This is, of course, very difficult to do because we have been conditioned from birth to make things happen. To be the captain of our destinies. But the older I get, the more I understand how very little I actually know. Life is much smarter than you and me. Here are a few observations that life has taught me; some lessons are easy, and I have learned the hardest of ways. Suffering is a great teacher and a constant companion of all of us.

The Value of Suffering

As a human being living on the planet, I want to help people avoid suffering, but I have come to realize that sometimes challenges are necessary for people to go through to rise to their highest level.  You can’t stop them even if you tried. Suffering is a part of the game of life. We are either in a crisis, coming out of crisis, or heading toward a crisis. The times in between allow us to reflect, but don’t wait too long; another situation is coming your way.

I challenge you to do it, find someone in the middle of some drama, sit with them and offer your heartfelt advice. Then sit back and watch as they do what they want to do.  Your advice may have been perfect and thoughtful, tempered by love and experience. Still, an indisputable part of human development is learning many valuable lessons from trial and error. It is our right to make errors, so don’t judge too harshly the errors of others because we have all been there. (And probably will be again) The strongest steel has to face the greatest fire. I know it isn’t personal when your advice is ignored completely.

Pressure to Be Perfect

Young people are particularly prone to this. They feel the pressure of having a perfect education to get a perfect job and start down the perfect path of life.  Even though there is no perfect education, job, or path, they soldier on with blinders on, stressing over every step.

Read some blogs. It won’t take long to hear the stress and angst coming as the pitfalls in the path are revealed and the worry that life might not be easy, no matter what you do, is the cause of most of it.

It is not very often that we look at ourselves and see the perfect parts. Each of us has attractive and unique things about us, but we tend to focus on the “ugly” parts or the imperfections. People one day realize that their imperfections can be a strength if we only recognize them. Perfection is boring anyway. Be the beautiful, imperfect person that you are and be great at it.

Enjoy the ride

When a person faces a challenge that you have been through, it is like watching a movie that you know the end of by heart. You want to tell them to relax. It will all work out in the end! These things are going to keep happening. Nothing goes as planned, and life challenges you and everyone else. It will be OK in the end if you don’t let the lessons defeat you.  The peculiar thing is that just like when I was that age, it falls on deaf ears.   Worrying about your rent, job, relationship, family, or whatever else provides a false sense of control. Some never stop. As they age, they keep on worrying and trying to control themselves. Wondering why things never change for them.  Let people be who they are and do what they need to do.

The obvious fact is that you have about as much control over 99% of what happens in life as the flea riding on the back of a buffalo. All the worry, the planning, the fear that has been driving you is all for naught.  Stuff is still going to happen you don’t like. You would be better served to enjoy the ride and see where it takes you. You will make choices and take action but be less attached to the results. They are mostly out of your hands. The attachment will only cause suffering because you have built a preconceived idea about how things should turn out. Let them turn out as they should. There will be a pain, but less than hanging on to circumstances which no longer serve you.

When you Appreciate the Ride

Great news, though. If you learn to ride the waves of life, you will find that most often, you will get what you need to be happy.  All you have to do is appreciate your experiences and learn the lessons they teach you.  Nobody is guaranteed tomorrow anyway. All there is in life is today.  I once tried to explain this philosophy to someone, and they said, “Jonathan, you make it sound so simple.”

I thought about that a lot because I am not at the end of this game, and I am not sure what will happen yet. Someone in their 60’s probably looks at me the same way. The difference is I hope I would listen to the voice of experience. Or at least I think I would. But I would probably feel like I know it all, and those other experiences don’t have anything to do with me.

Life is unpredictable

One of the best things about life is that you don’t know what is coming next, how life will play out for you. All you can be sure of is that there will be a lot of things happening to you. Some will be enjoyable and pleasant; some will be neither enjoyable nor pleasant. Your reward for playing and riding it out is to become a better player and a stronger person.

Prepare as best you can for life and learn how to manage a change in temperature, direction, or the cast you are working with. Change is inevitable and constant, and the best we can do is accept it and enjoy the fact that nothing stays the same. Even when we wish it would. People will leave. People will let you down.  Appreciate the good things.

Here for A purpose

Challenges are necessary for growth, and we would never evolve into anything worthwhile if we just sat on the couch all day getting whatever we wanted.  You are here for a purpose, and playing this game will show you what that is if you let it. An easy life is not a good life, and it is just easy.  That is true whether you choose to listen or not.  It really doesn’t matter in the end if you win or lose, but how you played the game of life. How have you played the game? If you were in a room full of all the people who had ever met you, would they cheer, boo, walk out, or attack you? The answer to that question will probably define how you have treated others.