When you have a physical injury, a broken arm, or a cut or laceration, it is common sense to know that it takes time to mend that wound and restore you to health. The same is also true for other injuries of the heart and mind. We injure in many ways through the simple course of living life and experiencing the loss of things we care about in life. Relationships and the people we rely on leave the most significant marks when they change, end, and leave our lives. They leave wounds behind that are just as real and often more severe than the physical ailments mentioned above.

It has long been said that time will heal all wounds, and that is often the case. However, we will never be the same person again, which is challenging for most people. We liked the way things were before and didn’t want them to change into something else. But the reality is they did, and all they left behind is the scar on your soul that only you can see and feel. But like all things, there is a time to heal: a time to grow and move on.

The Space Inside You

When one thing leaves your life, it creates a space for something better to enter and fill that space inside of you. However, this is not a smooth transaction to make because our minds often fight against this. We remember the right and long for the security of the past. Realizing the harsh reality that something is over and it is time to move on to whatever is next is difficult to do. Much of it has to do with your focus. Imagine you are standing in a room occupied by yourself and the person you loved, or the thing you enjoyed. The room has many doors, and the one you love just left through one of them. This loss leaves you alone in the space of that room, staring at the door, waiting for the person or thing you care about to reenter the room. But no matter how long you look or how much concentration you place on it, nothing happens. You are in the space of that room alone with the memory of what just left you.

What about all of the other doors in your room? Each one represents the possibility of something better that can enter your life at any moment. It could be a new person who brings you the understanding and motivation you need to become the best version of yourself. It could be an opportunity to grow that you wouldn’t have entertained before. It could be both at the same time entering into your life, and all you had to do is allow them to enter through the doors they naturally come from. Step back, take a breath, and allow the best things for your present to join you. Let the past go. Let those that hurt you go. Close that door and move on.

Healing Inside Out

Every person in the world, all the people you have ever met, and all you will ever come into contact with have endured suffering of some kind. Remember that when you are going through your daily life and judging others for their behavior. It doesn’t make poor actions acceptable, but it provides a doorway for understanding and compassion. Each of us has to process our suffering in our way. No book will accurately tell you what to do because pain involves our challenges and loss. It is as unique as a fingerprint and identifies us as who we are. The only way we can heal is to recognize what happened and the fear it creates inside of us. If this can happen now, what might happen in the future? How can I find the strength to love again? Trust again? Believe again? Trust my instincts again?

The answer to these questions lies inside, in the thoughtful evaluation of what happened. We all want to know if we are strong enough to survive the loss we are suffering. We also have to find out if we are enough for the world and those who live in it. Just being ourselves, can we ever make ourselves happy and fulfill the life of someone else? The answer will only arrive if we put the fear to the side and try to step past it. That step may be to trust someone again. It may be to trust yourself again. To find your sense of humor and use it to enhance the lives of those you come into contact with. It takes courage and strength to do this, so when you do, you will find out precisely what you are capable of as a person and what you are not—a precious and challenging thing to know.

Is it Time For You?

You will know when it is time for you to move forward when you do. Until then, you will be reexamining the past, wallowing in the mistakes, and living in times that existed before rather than focusing on what might be in the future. That sounds simple, but it is the truth of the matter. You have made mistakes in the judgment of others and trusted the wrong people. What did you learn from this? What positives can you take forward in your life? It is easy to be negative and carry anger in your heart for those who have lied to you or deceived you. But that is only going to limit your potential to grow.

Forgiveness is the path to healing. Forgive the people who have hurt you because they are who they are. Just because you thought or wished they were someone else changes nothing. People are who they are. Forgive them for hurting you, and forgive yourself for trusting them and allowing them to do that to you. It is the healthiest thing you can do. It also determines what your character consists of. You can’t control if someone else accepts deception, dishonesty, or just lack of expression as a norm of life. Understand the scope of what you can control is within the confines of your physical and mental realm. Forgive and move forward. There is nothing else we can do but wallow in self-pity and live in the past that no longer exists. Choose to heal from the inside, and the outside will reflect the more favorable result. Knowing that you are better as a person and more reliable than you were before will allow you to do the things you dream of and to become the best version of yourself.

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.” Tori Amos

“We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity. We need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing, and inclusion.” Max de Pree

“It’s when we start working together that the real healing takes place.” David Hume

“The place of true healing is a fierce place. It’s a giant place. It’s a place of monstrous beauty and endless dark and glimmering light. And you have to work, really, really hard to get there, but you can do it.” Cheryl Strayed

“Hate is self-destructive. If you hate somebody, you’re not hurting the person you hate. You’re hurting yourself. And that’s a healing. It’s a real healing, forgiveness.” Louis Zamperini

“It’s time to start thinking differently about money and debt and start the healing process – and the process toward wealth and freedom. ‘Freedom from Bad Debt’ can get you started.” Robert Kiyosaki