The things I seek are integrity, energy, and intelligence.
There are specific characteristics universally desired by people looking to create success in their life. When falling short of your goals and things are out of balance, look at yourself, and analyze where these three simple factors lie. Are they a high priority? Do they exist in your thoughts at all? If not, it is time to make sure you start incorporating them into your daily thoughts and actions. Also, look for these things in others you want to work with. You will not go wrong if you invest in these things. They are not the only factors you should look for in potential energy investments; they are an excellent place to start.
What You Do When Nobody is Watching
Integrity is a practice that can fade in and out of your existence and practice if you are not focused on looking for it. Good people will let things slide bit by bit because they start to forget about the power of having integrity in your life. What you always do matters, even if nobody else is paying attention. You create energy with every thought and every action, and that energy is attached to you. This is true of everybody in every moment of every single day.
Therefore, when you evaluate a situation, invest your time and effort into starting with the amount of integrity the person shows in their life. Do they let things slide when nobody is watching, or are they consistently stepping up with their actions? You can count on these people in all situations and the ones you want to surround yourself with. Find those with integrity, invest time with them, and avoid those who lack it. All of the people you choose to spend your time with are representative of you. Seek integrity.
How a Person Moves Through Life
The second factor to look for is energy. All people can produce and act energetically. Are they constantly taking sick days at work? Are they doing things in their lives to the best of their knowledge, or are they sliding by? You can give two people the same task, and the one with energy will produce find it easy to
What kind of energy do you bring to the things you do?
Accomplish, even if challenges arrive. The person with low energy will drift through the task. If all goes well, it may still turn out great, but if you face any challenges, it may take much longer or never get done at all.
Energy is subjective, but you will know it when you see it. People with power get things done more accessible and, of course, are much better to work with. They are the ones you want to invest your time with. All items are done to accomplish the goal, not only accomplishing what is in their best interest. Lack of sleep is a small challenge in my personal life, and all tasks are challenging. These are people to be avoided because they will make your life difficult and not provide a positive return on your investment. Find high-energy people and work with them.
Understanding Best Ways To Do Things
Intelligence is a skill that can be built and developed. Intelligence is not how well you learned in school or the grades you received. That might be a form of intellect but not the one you look for exclusively when looking for situations and people to invest in. It is the ability to understand the complexities of a task and get the job done most efficiently. You sometimes have to encourage this type of in
Being efficient is a skill it stems from intelligence. Look for the people striving to do things better, even if that is different from what you do now. Change in any form makes people uncomfortable because others may not work. But change is inevitable and constant, and it calls on the intelligence in all of us to strive to make things more efficient and produce more value in our efforts. There is a fine line between positive change and things that waste time.
These three things, integrity, positive energy, and common sense intelligence, are things to seek in people and situations you want to invest in. Also, keep in mind that you should look for ways to develop these things inside yourself. Find your suitable investments and become an excellent investment for everything you are involved in. Success is something we give ourselves the best chance to create in life.
“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling others the truth.” – Spencer Johnson.
“It’s a funny thing about life; once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.”― Germany Kent.
“Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.” – Stephen Hawking.
Our minds work overtime sometimes, and we must establish a clear representation of our thoughts, goals, and perspectives on life to find our direction based on the things we truly believe. All knowledge will change you and move your consciousness one way or another and leave you with a final set of core beliefs representing your experiences and how you choose to interact with the world. Looking at my experiences over the last year, I needed to revamp my collection of what I think and look at other people.
So here is the current version of MY Mission Statement. Presented in no particular order, here are a few things I hold as truths in my life.
We Are All Connected
Call it God, the Universe, or whatever your religion dictates, but to me, we are all connected through a divine order. All people have the same abilities for great love and equal power to commit evil, which is just a part of this crazy game called life. We are given individual gifts at birth to make our unique mark on the world if we choose to do so. When you look at all things, events, and people in your life, you can see the thread that connects everything.
This connection runs through the hearts of all people. There is an illusion that our experiences are seperate events; a universal force is running between us all, connecting all of our stories. Remember this the next time judgment of others and separation’s effects enter your life. There but for the good fortune of your circumstances, go you. There is no difference between you and anyone else but choices and details. We are all connected.
Our Beliefs Control Our Lives
Each of us has developed throughout our lives a core belief system. We established most of these beliefs early on in life. These are limiting beliefs that delay or even stop our development completely. Our expectations were built by our parents, grandparents, siblings, teachers, religion, and peers. Most were developed before age ten and have remained with us to this day. Our beliefs have to power to achieve goals or stop us from becoming what we should be.
The great thing is that all beliefs can change at any point in life when we look and find irrefutable evidence that contradicts them. All of the “you can’t,” “no’s,” “you’re not good enough’s,” “You can’t make a living doing that’s,” or any other limiting statement from your youth making you feel like you are not good enough can be eliminated — the processing and acceptance of new information about you and your abilities.
Here is a secret; you are powerful and can do anything you set your mind to accomplish. You have the chance to try anything. Look honestly at the barriers stopping you; most often, you will find insecurities and limits that we place on ourselves because of limiting beliefs we choose to accept. Accept new ideas to guide you.
Your Actions Define YOU
Talk is cheap; what you do is the definition of your character. I have heard the soft and sympathetic words that were worth nothing but have been blessed by the actions of many great people. Saying you are something means nothing, and being that thing means everything.
Each day is a new opportunity to take action toward a goal or a dream that you have. Take a step, mail a letter, make a call, or do whatever small thing you can that will lead you toward your goal. Action is the power source for people’s dreams and will cancel out fear.
Every person that has ever been born has had a dream of some kind, and there are no exceptions. When a person takes action, they can make their dream come true. If that action leads to failure, then at least you know, and a direction more suitable to you may show itself from the effort.
Thinking Positively Leads to Positive Results
Bad stuff happens to everyone at some point in life; how you deal with it is crucial. Life is full of things that we define as good or bad. Positive thinking is not about ignoring the “bad” in life and always looking on the bright side, although those factors result. Positive thinking is bringing the focus of love, understanding, kindness, acceptance, and peace to all you experience—ignoring your counterpart’s hate, judgment, separation, meanness, and conflict.
All experiences have the power to bring the positive or negative inside a person to the surface, and what emotions and thoughts you let dominate your behavior will decide what actions come from you and what feelings are happening inside you. All things are just things until we assign a value to them and determine how we look at them.
All People Have Value
A person’s value is difficult to remember when I am angry or someone has hurt me, but that doesn’t change the fact that I believe this is true. People live differently, make poor decisions, and look differently, but they are all valuable and unique individuals. All that separates us from the circumstances of another is mere chance. At our core, we are all beings of love, and understanding and are looking for acceptance in the world.
We are all born with a unique gift that can contribute to the world’s good. It is the meaning of life to find out what that gift is and how to use it. Some people lose their way through the experience of life and bury their talents too profoundly to be retrieved, but the reward is still there. With the right nurturing, perhaps it could resurface.
Gratitude is the Gateway to Abundance
How often do you appreciate all the positive things in your life? Moving through life each day is easy; let events and people swirl past you without absolute acknowledgment. Stop for a moment and give thanks for each experience. Even when the lessons are not what you are looking for, they will provide clues as to the direction you should be moving in.
Being grateful and putting yourself in that mindset each day creates an energy of acceptance around you, and that energy attracts more into your life. What you focus on multiplies; if you are grateful for what you have, you will have more things to be thankful for having in your life. Take time and reflect a bit each day on the blessings in your life. Breathing in and out and having an experience is a blessing many lose daily.
Forgiveness is Necessary to Move Forward
To forgive someone for something they did that harmed you is very difficult. It can’t just be lip service of saying you forgive; it has to be inside your heart. The only one who can give forgiveness is you, and the sooner you give it, the sooner you can move on. Letting go of pain, sadness, anger, or any other negative emotion is key to enjoying life. I read somewhere that you know forgiveness occurs when you think of that person, and there is no subtle searing inside your heart. It can take a conscious effort, but with forgiveness comes freedom and strength.
Embrace Love, Avoid Fear
All people carry this inside of them, and the one you pay attention to will determine how much you enjoy this ride we call life. Focus on the love-based emotions like kindness, understanding, generosity, acceptance, patience, and love while avoiding the fear-based feelings and thoughts of anger, hate, separation, jealousy, stereotyping, and judgment. It can be harder to do than it sounds, but the effort is well worth it.
Remember that fear will be a continual battle for you throughout your life. It will attack you both outwardly with dangers real and imagined. It will also subtly invade your life through indirect methods, invading your thoughts and being powered by your emotions. All things will work out if you let them. Some powers exist which are far wiser than you. Learn to trust them.
Our beliefs are essential to the type of life that we live. If you do not work to control them, they will direct you. We all have to live with the results.
What can you gain by being dishonest that you can truly enjoy?
A wise man once told me: “If your word is worth nothing, then neither are you.” That statement has stayed with me over the years, and the older I get, the more I analyze everything I say and the value of the truth. I was also once told that everybody lies at least once a day. At first, I was angry about that comment. But then you look at all the things we say not to upset anyone. Looking at the thoughts you have and your words that result, evaluating them for honesty is essential for developing your integrity and how much other people can trust you. Let’s look at why people are dishonest and the price they pay for doing this. These are the actions we take in dishonesty.
Definition of Honesty
Honestyrefers to a facet of moral character and denotes positive, virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness, along with the absence of lying, cheating, or theft. That seems like a pretty straightforward definition, and not very difficult to see the benefits of making this choice. It all begins with the decision we make every day in our lives that decides how our honesty will affect our lives. Nobody can choose to be honest for you, and the entirety of your life will reflect the amount of goodness you value.
Additionally, an honest person will inform others of the opportunities for growth and self-actualization. There is no room for silence in the moments when a situation calls for your honest evaluation to assist a person find a better path. Even though most people don’t want to hear the uncomfortable truths, is it better to lie? Be open about your life and your philosophy with all you meet. They will know what to expect from you and trust what you say. Doing something or saying something to manipulate others into doing something beneficial for you is deceitful. Be honest, even when it is difficult, and in the long run, it will work out for the best.
Why Honesty Is Difficult
When you look at being honest and telling the truth, it would seem simple to practice. When you make a statement, make a truthful one. However, it appears that being honest is a little more complicated than that. So many people don’t want to hear the truth. Here are some of the main reasons people don’t always tell the truth are:
Fear of harm: The most straightforward idea to understand why we lie is for self-protection, including self-deception, to prevent injury to ourselves. This harm can be either physical or mental. However, what is the damage? A momentary uncomfortableness? You have to measure if the benefit is worth your integrity.
Fear of conflict: To some degree, we all fear conflict because it is painful and uncomfortable. Life is more comfortable when things flow smoothly. But creating calm with lies is only delaying the inevitable storm, and it will come with higher intensity when it arrives.
Fear of punishment: When growing up, how often did we lie about how well we did in school or started a fight? How often do we cover up our mistakes and transgressions? Accept responsibility for all things. We make excuses that give all of our power away, and accepting responsibility puts all the power in your hands.
Fear of rejection: Sometimes, our insecurities are the foundation of why we lie to each other because we want to remain popular in our relationships. Typically, it is harmless boasting to make ourselves appear more admirable to other people. Better to be true to yourself and who you are than to live a lie. If people don’t like who you are, there is no need to spend time with them.
Fear of loss: This is usually the loss of personal objects, such as money or expensive possessions. Greed is the foundation for this reason and can be found in us. We often lie to make ourselves more desirable to other people, too, fearing the loss of that relationship. Some people lie for fear of alienating someone they care about and again losing that relationship. Other times, when our self-esteem starts to decline, we even lie to ourselves as a means to prevent loss of morale. No matter what you are afraid of losing, better to address the issues head-on with honesty. Then you can take real action to find a result that will benefit your life.
Altruistic Reasons: We often lie to help our friends and loved ones. How often do we flattery someone to make them feel better? Or don’t tell the whole truth because we are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings? This is the only selfless reason why we lie. However, it doesn’t pay off in the long run. Better to be honest so that all people can work from a place of knowledge and acceptance. Lies are harmful and build negative energy in the situations of your life.
It comes down to a matter of integrity. Do your words have any truth in them? Should anybody trust and listen to what you say? Being honest is essential because nobody will ever imagine or believe you if you are not trustworthy. If you lay about one thing, you would lie about another. Where do you draw the line morally? It is a slippery slope once you start to blur the lines of acceptable behavior.
Integrity and trust are not things that you can easily replace. Value them as much as gold. Those who lie continuously and repeatedly will pay the price in all areas of their lives. If you can’t trust yourself to tell the truth, how can you ever trust anyone else?
“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” -Thomas Jefferson
“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.” – Spencer Johnson
“Honest hearts produce honest actions.“- Brigham Young
“To be persuasive, we must be believable; to be believable, we must be credible; credible we must be truthful.“- Edward R. Murrow
What do you stand for? That is a simple question I read last week that has been on my mind, along with another issue that I will address later. As for what I stand for, I want specific, stable things that I am striving to represent every day of my life. So I made a shortlist explaining the sort of person I want to be identified as today. This list is with the apparent exception that I may have failed to live up to these things in the past, but in that process, I have realized the extreme value each possesses and why it is so important to know what you want to stand for. It defines who you are and the experience you have in life. More importantly, how my choices and behavior will positively affect others.
Choose to be Kind
Kindness- In all things, I would like service to be the first thing I practice. All people live their own lives and have their own experiences, and their actions and behavior are theirs. I can only control myself, and I would like kindness to be the first word someone thinks of when they think of me. In my experience, a lack of compassion arises when you put your needs ahead of everyone else, leading to fear and worry. Letting this go is easier than you might think. Through a practice of kindness, you will meet all of your needs, and you will make the world a little better place. Do you stand for kindness? I hope I do.
Honesty is the Best Policy
Honesty- A friend once told me that it is human to be dishonest. That may be so because we all seem to lie an awful lot. Small lies, big lies, manipulative lies are all a part of the package. I know that I have lived in my past, mostly out of fear that I might look wrong or, more often, to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings. But it has been a while since I have consciously told a lie because I don’t care what others think of me and what I do, and I care enough about everyone I know to say the cold hard truth. I want all people I deal with to know that what I tell them will be the truth to the best of my knowledge. I don’t think I can do better than that. All things seem to flow perfectly when the truth is told. Do you stand for honesty?
What You Do When Nobody is Watching
Integrity-Along with honesty is integrity. I will do what right all the time is. Not just when it is convenient or when others are around. I will do what is right because I am there, and even if nobody else knew of my transgression, I would know, and the energy from that failure would permeate the rest of my life and cause problems. I would instead behave with integrity and do what right and decent all of the time is. I want my conscious energy to be focused on being and doing the right thing. I will know it is the right thing because it will be in my heart. I am continually seeking guidance for proper guidance. Do you stand for integrity?
Smart is Best
Intelligence– I want to be represented by the idea that all things I do will at least have a general knowledge behind them. I can’t promise to be the most intelligent person in the world, but I can be as bright as I am capable of being. This idea means I am never satisfied that I know it all. There are new things to learn and new ways to grow until the ultimate end waiting for us all occurs. I endeavor to continually learn new things, expand my horizons, and become better today than I was yesterday, just a little bit. Do you stand for intelligence?
Be Positive or Go Home
Positive Attitude-In all things, you have a choice, to be positive or negative. To complain and give away all of your power or address all situations by feeling great about them. We all feel bad sometimes, but that doesn’t mean we need to accept that part of our attitude. It is a simple choice that determines the difference in your path. You look at the flaws of the things you perceive to be missing, or you are grateful for what you do have. We always have the choice to embrace the joy in a moment. I wish all days were perfect and full of easy things to be happy about, but they will not. Life will bring challenges for you to grow. It is up to you to accept the challenge and become better or shrink from it and become its negative, scared, fearful victim. I am hoping I always seek the lesson, am grateful for it, and approach things from the mindset of joy and opportunity. Do you stand for a positive attitude?
Let’s Work Together
Cooperation– People look at the world in two primary ways: cooperation or competition. When I was a young man, I loved playing sports, and I always thought the match was the thing to prove you were better than someone else. That missed the value entirely. The real lesson was that you could rise and become better as a collective through cooperation with your teammates than you were as an individual. Great things can be done cooperatively and far surpass the selfish things that competition brings. Looking back, I value all the people that I ever was a part of a team with at whatever level. There are many situations that, in some small way, work together to allow the group’s strengths to overcome the weakness we all have as individuals, and that plan is fantastic. I want to take that into every relationship I have, personally and in business ventures, always. Do you stand for cooperation?
Better Today than Yesterday
Improvement– In my life, I have noticed that either you are getting better or you are getting worse. It is sporadic to stay the same, even for a day. So it is my goal to improve 0.01% each day somehow, but on the best days, physically, mentally, and spiritually. If I can manage to do that, then I will be a better person today than yesterday and hopefully have a more positive effect on the world than before. You are going to change in some way. I am probably choosing to be better rather than getting worse. This is often a choice to seek the other things I stand for; this should happen naturally, but it is vital to set an example for others that is positive in a world full of bad examples. Do you stand for improvement?
So there is a shortlist that I could expand upon for many pages. Maybe this is the next book idea in some way. But for today, I wanted to state what I want to stand for to guide myself in life. To help me when I have questions about what I should do. I want to say yes or no based on the things that I stand for. What is it that you stand for, not just in words, but in thoughts and actions as well?
“Self-praise is for losers. Be a winner. Stand for something. Always have class, and be humble.:- John Madden
“If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.”- Peter Marshall
“You must stand for something! It does not have to be grand, but it must be a positive that brings light to someone else’s darkness.”- Anthony Carmona
Character- the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.
In our development as people, we result from the experience we endure in life. This fact is particularly actual when it comes to a person’s character. Either we have a good or bad feeling. The type we are provides a quality that is displayed clearly through a person’s thoughts, words, and actions. If you have traits you wish to improve yourself, we all have the free will to do this. Think about your character today, not just the areas you are doing well, but all of the ones you want to improve in. Character is what you do when you think nobody is looking. Remember, you are always looking. You can’t fool yourself. Consciously develop the character you want to represent you and share it with the world. It will be your legacy, one way or the other. The great news is you get to decide what impact you will have.
Character is in Constant Development
A person’s character is not chiseled in stone the day they are born, and it is developed through conscious choice over a lifetime. It has many aspects to it. The way you treat others, level of honesty valued in life, consistency of behavior, the story of courage, ability to think, confidence in yourself, integrity, and many other factors all combine to create your character. We are taught many of these things, but we are continually adding to them through experience, even if we are not conscious of this process. People enter your life and change you, and a new understanding of loss or gain shifts your perspective.
Once you know that you can develop your character, there is no excuse not to find ways to improve. It involves two simple things: 1. honesty about yourself and 2. a willingness to grow and develop. Nothing is stopping you from enhancing but your self-imposed limitations. Find your strong points and celebrate them. Find areas in need of improvement, set goals to get better, take action to do just that. At the end of life, you will be the one responsible for all that you did or did not do. There is no deceiving yourself then. Don’t lie to yourself now. Develop your character exactly as you want it to be. Your choices in every moment of every day decide if your character traits or positive or negative.
Your Character Is Important
Not only will your positive or negative character influence your own life, but it will have sway over everyone you come in contact with as well. There is an energy connected to each thought we have, and positive or negative will be evident to those we have a connection with on our daily journey. Think of the people you enjoy having contact with, and think of those you don’t. With every interaction you have each day, the person you interact with has one of those two reactions. Your character determines which one.
Your choices in character will stem from your preferences of thought. It is a constant struggle to maintain the positive qualities of honesty over deceit, kindness over meanness, giving over selfishness, confidence over doubt, or love over fear. The decisions we make in character are vitally important because they determine your real value to the world and its collective consciousness. Developing a better attitude improves the world.
Tough Times Build Character
Stressful moments are, unfortunately, a part of living life. Tough times come to us, whether we feel we want them or need them. But there is an element of need we all have of roadblocks in life to grow into the best versions of ourselves. It is impossible to see what good can come from a situation when you are in a storm of pain and suffering. You are just in survival mode. But as that mode kicks in, you have to start to grow and change, or you will be overwhelmed and unhappy for the rest of your life.
Finding hidden strength and talent waiting hidden in your being is the reward for tough times. The character still maintains the things you think are correct even though the pain and sadness of life are real characters. In these extreme moments of choice, our true person is developed and revealed to the world. If you don’t like who you are becoming, then choose differently. The development of a positive life or a negative existence is all up to you and the choices you make.
Be Conscious of Your Character
That makes the challenge today to look at your character honestly and critically. It isn’t easy to look at the fiber of our being and see where we fall short. But it is in this realistic vision your path of improvement will become evident. Do you need to be more honest? Braver? Follow through better? Be kinder? Be more accepting? Love yourself more? Whatever the points in need of improvement are, you can change and improve them. Nothing can stop you except for you. Be conscious of your character and what makes up your vital essence of today’s thoughts, words, and actions. By developing this element of your personality, you will be defined to the world: one way or another. There is no covering up or hiding from the results.
“Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.” ~ Abraham Lincoln
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” –Helen Keller
“Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.” –Albert Einstein
“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.” –Abigail Van Buren
All people bring happiness to your life, some when they enter and some when they leave. Some are probably a little bit of both. But it makes me wonder why some people are so favorable to you, and others are quite the opposite. One of the best answers to this question I have found is that in all relationships, all parties involved create an unspoken value with each other. Even though we don’t consciously know this, we have been making emotional deposits and withdrawals from every relationship we have ever had.
In short, the amount of trust you have with someone represents a high level of emotional currency in that relationship. You know that you are safe in your interactions with that person. What creates the feeling of safeness? I wanted to add a few examples of how you can understand how to add or take away from all of your relationships. Most people never think of this; look at your actions, and understand more about your contributions.
One of a Kind
No two people are the same, and understanding what is essential to
We are all unique and should be treated as such.
Someone and what is not and expressing that to someone is a great way to make a positive investment in a relationship. Seeing someone’s unique ability, talent, and contribution to the world and not projecting onto them what you wish to see is an excellent contribution to that emotional bank account. Understanding someone’s values is a great start. Be attentive to this aspect of everyone you know and deal with to become a more valuable person to them. Who values you? Nobody is just like you, and that is a great thing. It gives you the power to wield. See this in everyone, and your relationships will be better. Also, remember it about yourself.
See How Important Little Things Are
Small things are often ignored, but they shouldn’t be. It is through the little things in life that big things are created. That is particularly true in all interactions with people. A singular act of kindness can make a person’s day and allow all involved to feel positive. The same can be said for simple courtesies of being polite and speaking to others in a considerate manner. These small things can lead to big problems if you practice the opposite. One little unkind choice or inconsiderate act can make a massive withdrawal from the Emotional Bank Account. The small things build everything, and you choose those small things.
Do What You Say
If you take everything else away, money, property, surface attractiveness, all you are left with is your word. Do you do what you say? Or are you a hypocrite Saying one thing and doing another. Not following through with what you say is one of the quickest ways to cause an Emotional Bank Account to reach a negative balance. The building of trust is a slow and steady process, and you can wash all of that away in a quick moment of poor decision-making. Keep your commitments, be a person of your word, and your relationships will find a high balance in the account.
Be Clear About Expectations
Any person will have a hard time dealing with you if you don’t let them know clearly what your expectations are. Otherwise, people will act on guesses and please you based on ideas rather than facts. This causes many misunderstandings at the cost of more positive experiences, and a lack of communication can ruin even the relationship. Either a person isn’t sure of what they expect, or they are afraid to express what they want for fear of rejection or loss. Being honest is always the best approach because a person will either provide what you need or will not be interested in, in which case you know where you stand.
Be of High Character
Integrity is what you do when nobody is watching. This is your inner decency and character. Are you a person of substance? Or are you a person of deception and deceit? Your choices in action and even of thought will determine this in your life. We forget this when we deal with other people as if our ideas and activities are not connected to the way our relationships go. But character is one of the most significant deposits we make. If your integrity is high, you can be trusted, and people know what to expect from you. These are valuable deposits into the emotional bank account and painful withdrawals.
Be Sincere in Being Sorry
Be aware of your actions and how your behavior leads to withdrawals from these accounts between people. Nobody is perfect, and there will be times when misunderstandings are going to happen, and you will harm the emotional bank account of a relationship without meaning to. Open, honest communication is the cure here, and legitimately make a heartfelt apology for your behavior. There is no more you can do, be sincere and honest in your regret, and that will have to be enough. Sometimes it is the only way to apologize and start over.
I am looking at all of the relationships in my life and realizing how I have fallen short in many of them. I failed to provide even the simplest of these things to other parties. It is no wonder that I have struggled to develop positive, sturdy, and long-lasting relationships. I endeavor to do better, and I hope you do as well.
“A relationship where you can be weird together is your best choice.”- Paulo Coelho.
“Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.”- Charlotte Brontë.
“Treat everyone as if they were a guest in your own house because, in reality, they are a guest in your world.”- B. D. Schiers.
“Never ask, “Who is my real friend?” Ask, “Am I a real friend to somebody?” That is the right question.”- Osho
I am as hard on myself as I am on anyone I know when it comes to this statement. How you treat others defines you. I know because this is an area I have fallen short of many times in my life. I know I haven’t always been the best person when it comes to my treatment of other people. I have a long list of situations where I have not treated others as well as they deserve or been the kind of person I would have liked to be. That is why it is always so hard to see people you care about fall into the same selfish traps in the way they treat others in their life. It takes so little to be decent in the world, and I guess sometimes that price is just too much for some to pay. I try to adopt the hope in each new day that I will be able, at this moment, at least, to treat others with kindness, caring, empathy, understanding, and consideration. That is my hope.
Only In Control Of Me
The only thing in the world we are indeed in charge of entirely is how we control ourselves. Life can and will throw all kinds of situations at you, and it is up to you how you respond. Do you quit? Become disillusioned? Respond with anger toward those who care about you? Blame everything and everyone else? Accept responsibility for ourselves and our situations? The only honorable way to go is to accept responsibility for where you are right now. Because you are the person who decides what thoughts are essential to you, and those thoughts will create the world around you.
You are the only one who can control the tenor of the thoughts you focus on. Where focus goes, energy flows. If you spend your time thinking only of yourself, you will be stuck in a cycle of selfishness with no real opportunity for growth because growth comes from the things you do for and share with others. The positive or negative actions we take in our lives each day will determine how our lives grow. This idea is particularly true in our spirituality. It is our responsibility to look for ways to improve as people in our life. Regardless of the circumstances we face, we choose the impact our lives have on the people around us and us. Positive or negative, this is our choice, every second of every day. You are the only one who can control you.
Noone Left to Blame
Today, our lives are the sole responsibility because we are the creators of the thoughts behind them. You can try to blame circumstances, other people, or just bad or good luck, but whatever experiences you have resulted from your choices and actions you have taken. If you have mistreated people, you can’t be surprised when you are treated poorly by someone else. Too often, I have blamed others for the outcomes in my life that didn’t live up to my expectations.
I would have better spent my time accepting my thoughts, words, and actions and realizing that I needed to change my ways to bring different outcomes into my life. If I was going to be selfish and self-centered and only worried about how things would affect me, then I can’t be surprised when opportunities in life that rely on others pass me by. Our lives are a direct reflection of what we think and what we do. There is no more significant measure of what we are as people than the shape of our lives right now.
Your Qualities Define You
Finally, when looking at your definition. What are the words you would like to have associated with yourself? Honestly, look at the way you treat others, and you will find the meaning of yourself. I know many people who would shy away from some of their adjectives, although they belong to the things they say and do. You can’t be mean to someone in one breath and then claim kindness in a general sense. Service is an attribute that accompanies you all the time, or it doesn’t at all. Mean and insensitive behavior can’t be erased by wishful thinking.
But it can be undone by a change in thought and recognizing our responsibility for our actions. Each day we have a chance to represent ourselves with behaviors we stand behind and envision as beacons of our best selves. Falling for a time doesn’t define your life; it only establishes that part of your life. No story is over until the last page turns, and the best stories are always about redemption and comebacks. You have to ask yourself, can I change? From negative to positive? Lousy behavior to good behavior? Unhealthy to healthy? Or whatever challenge you are facing because the only person who can choose what defines you is you.
“Our past may shape us, but it doesn’t define us.” ― Alyson Noel
“We cannot let the haters of this world define us. Or frighten us into no longer being ourselves.” ― Mary E. DeMuth
“Strong people define themselves; weak people allow others to define them.” ― Ken Poirot
“Define yourself—not by how much you are loved, but by how much you love others.” ― Connor Chalfant
“Never defend yourself, but define yourself with your imagination and actions.”― Debasish Mridha M.D.
It is natural for an individual to look at the world from the inside out. The only perspective we have had our whole life is from our own mind’s eye. Often we develop a significant concern for how others treat us in the world. The fear seeps into every interaction we have and pulls us into a more selfish existence, worrying about how people manage us? What is in this for me? What about me? Worrying about how others treat you is a narrow perspective and will limit what you can give to the world. It is far better to build a concern with how you are treating others in your life and the world around you. Being a positive force in the world involves doing positive things for people and encouraging others to be the best versions of themselves possible. It all begins with a conscious awareness of the thoughts you entertain each day—the words these thoughts lead you to utter to the world. And, of course, the actions you take display what your base thoughts are to the world. You will define yourself in thought, word, and work.
Building Your Definition
The job of our mind is to interpret the world we live in. Let’s face it; our brain tells all stories from our perspective. If there is a conflict, of course, the other party is unreasonable and demanding. We are always in the right to us. But are we? How you choose to treat others is a clear picture of who you are, and there is no hiding from it. If you spend your time judging others, then you are judgmental. If you gossip and spread rumors about others, those whispers behind people’s backs show who you are.
Conversely, your choices to be kind, accepting, and caring about the lives of others also define you. Your focus is the key to identifying you in the world. Not what you think you are, but what you are to the world. It is easy to dehumanize someone when you think of them in abstract terms, like demographics, heritage, or ethnicity. All stereotypes dehumanize people and, by your thought, degrade you. How you choose to treat the people who bother you most tells the most about you. We all make a choice each day to do these things.
Being Empathetic to Others
Our ability to practice empathy is one of the tools we have to maintain our humanity in life. Using our minds to project ourselves into another person’s situation allows us to walk around in their shoes. Once you indeed do this, you are much less likely to be harsh in your treatment of them. Understanding how someone else lives and why they do what they do doesn’t excuse poor behavior, but it can allow you to follow somebody. If you were placed in a different set of circumstances, then you might be making the same choices. Bad as they might be.
One action you can take is to be aware of other people and how your work will affect them. At least in a way that shows an awareness of the needs of another person. All people are living a story, and each one is different. You would be a modified version of yourself if you experienced an unusual childhood, growth experience, and moral influences. That is what other people are, a modified version of you. Treat them as such. Understanding, kindness, and acceptance are universally helpful, and treating people this way brings more of these things into your life.
Three Skills to Develop for Treating People well
First, learn to be an active and present listener. When someone is speaking to you, be present. Don’t let your mind wander into what you are doing tomorrow or think about the past. Focus and be there for whoever is speaking. Listening shows caring, respect and allows a person to know that they have an outlet for their thoughts. Be curious, ask questions, and let another speak.
Secondly, when you do speak, be honest in all you say. That is a simple thing but shows people that they can trust you. All of our words should have the stamp of truth on them and allow for confidence with all of those who are listening. Speak honestly and expect the same in return.
Thirdly, in all of our actions, we focus on operating with integrity. Integrity is doing the right things, even if you are the only one who knows it. Treating others with integrity makes all interactions honest and opportunities for growth. You will also be setting an example for all others to follow in their way.
Be Kind
Finally, If there is one thing to focus on in all kinds of relationships, practice kindness in your interactions with everyone. Your heart belongs to you, regardless of how someone else acts; being kind is your choice. Suppose someone else needs compassion to give it. If you don’t think they need it, give it anyways. Consideration is a gift you give to the world that it needs. How you treat others defines you and will determine your impact on the planet.
It will all begin with the primary thoughts you have in your head. The ones you choose to entertain will get the focus in your life. If you are worried about yourself, it will show in all that you do. If you are thinking about others, and their well-being, then that will show too. Also, the words you speak to others and about others will define you. Speak as if your words had magic in them because they do. Finally, your actions will be a clear picture of the world of the way you think and how you feel about things that are happening all around in everyday life. Focus on defining your contribution to the world as a positive one. Your Actions define you.
“Stop worrying yourself with how others are treating you. Just be concerned with how you are treating others.”
“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”- Wayne Dyer
“Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success will be how you treat other people – your family, friends, and coworkers, and even strangers you meet along the way.”- Barbara Bush
Are there any truths that are universally accepted, no matter what? I think there are a few concepts whose value is universally positive and something you strive to practice in your life. Because if you involve these things into your existence, then your life will provide more value to the world, and the world will offer more value to you. Developing a foundation of trust is vital to cooperating with others and developing a long-term pattern of personal growth and interpersonal interactions. The universal truths accepted and practiced will allow you to live a more positive, productive, and successful life. Fairness, integrity, honesty, human dignity, growth, service, and quality are things we should strive for in our lives.
Fairness
The saying, “Life isn’t fair,” is one of the first I remember learning. But that is not true because life is ultimately fair, and looking to provide fairness in all we do is a positive aspect of a person’s personality. There are equal opportunities for all people to pursue in life. There is money to be made, fame to garner, a joy to find, happiness to experience for everyone. Our attitudes about these things ultimately dictate how much we see. Fairness is universal and always available. You are in control of how much you experience in life.
All people naturally strive to make things fair in any group setting. Selfishness, of course, exists. It results when people create their self-worth around material possessions and fear they will not have enough. Enough money, property, ownership, or anything else a person can think and feel is a status symbol. But if you take all of that away, at our core, we can all recognize the value of fairness and how the practice makes life better.
Integrity
The moral code with which we live our lives will define who we are to ourselves and the world. What do you do when nobody is watching? I have known many people who were quite hypocritical in this arena. Putting on a charitable, kind face in one situation but then being something entirely different in another. Developing integrity inside yourself of kindness, honesty, compassion, and understanding is vital to becoming the best version of yourself, and I think it is the same for all people.
Each person decides this for themselves, and it is not something set in stone. Like all aspects of the human experience, it is developing throughout your life. You can improve your integrity and grow as you learn through life. Being more positive is realizing your choices in all areas of personal development and deciding to “be better.” That road is always available to you to change, grow, and have more integrity in your life.
Honesty
Being honest is a much more complicated concept than it should be. Too often, we do not tell the truth because of fear. Fear of hurting someone else on the positive side or fear of losing something, lack, or pain on the less kind face of things. All people have lied at some time, and the repercussion of that act will stay with you forever. Being an honest person is a skill like any other, and it brings the benefits of trust, faith, and appreciation with it. It always amazes me how many people never focus on being honest when dishonesty leads to nothing but trouble and negative life experience.
Honesty is the best policy because you never have to remember what you said. The truth is always the truth, and it doesn’t change. It also benefits improving your character, energy, and ability to make a positive impact on life. In this world, we live in can be a challenge, and the person it is most important, to be honest with is yourself.
We Are All The Same on the Inside
Too often, we define people by what we see on the outside and ignore the inside of someone. We are all the same on the inside. We have thoughts and emotions which are telling us what to do and how we feel about things. These things build through our conditioning and conscious thinking about living. We determine if we treat others with human dignity or not. We understand that all people you encounter in all situations are just another version of you, and your compassion for their condition can only help. When you have a choice to be kind or not, be kind to another. Please treat them with respect and understanding. Regardless of race, religious conviction, problems, body type, or mental capabilities, all have emotions and thought to dictate their existence. We are all in the same boat.
Try today to look at all people through this lens and see the commonalities existing within them. Each person you see has a nonstop river of thought and emotion running inside of them, just as you do. They are trying to make sense of the information they are taking in and the reality they are experiencing. Perception is our reality. Separations exist to protect people in a physical, emotional, and mental way. If you look at everyone understanding their similarities rather than their differences, there is nothing to fear. We are all the same.
Growth or Death
It is the way of nature in all things to seek a growth path. To become better tomorrow than we are today or ever have been in the past. Each day of our lives provides us with the opportunity to grow from our current state of living, thought, and understanding of the world and become something more. What precisely depends on us and how we approach our lives. It is my experience we are moving in one of two ways for the most part. We are getting better, or we are getting worse. I have seen people with nearly unlimited potential refuse to believe in themselves and wither away into a recluse of self-absorption. I have seen other people with less talent continually work and strive to be better, and those people always win in the end. Growth is a universal part of life, embrace it and become a better version of yourself tomorrow.
You can choose to follow a growth path today and become a better person than you were in the past. It is up to you to make the choices that lead you to think better, act better, and become a better person. These options are always there for you to make. The fiber of your existence will depend on the choice you make in this area. Are you getting better, or are you getting worse today? Strive for better and improve a little bit, and your life will start to flourish.
Service
We are not put here in this life to do things for ourselves. The people who follow that path are narrow-minded, selfish, and unhappy at the end of the day. Our lives are meant to have a purpose, and that will be revealed when you start to put the happiness of others ahead of yourself. What service looks like to you will be unique to your talent, temperament, interests, and personal experience. Rest assured that life will put you in a position to provide a service to others.
It is common to look at yourself and fear you don’t have anything to give anyone needs. That is a mistake; if nothing else, you can offer kindness, caring, understanding, empathy, happiness, joy, support, and tenderness to the world. That is the decision of service you can make in any life and at any time. Is there any argument that these things will make the world a better place and you a significant contributor? Think of service in this vein, and all of the small ways you can make a positive difference will reveal themselves to you. Have to courage to give your service and change the world in a small positive way.
Quality
There is an opportunity on most days to show what quality you carry inside of you. It may be any of the above characteristics you display in your interactions with others or just the patterns of thought you choose to pay attention to, but the quality of your life is an important thing to keep in mind. Your class will show in everything you do. Not in the initial results of an activity, but do you practice the growth mindset and strive to get better? Or do you stick to the little thoughts about your abilities and shy away from being vulnerable enough to learn something new?
Your ultimate quality as a person will be determined by the positive or negative impact you have had on other people and their lives. This effect is a choice that you can make every day of your life and at every moment. Determine your quality and understand nobody, but you are responsible for the amount of quality your life provides others. It is a sobering question to ask yourself how much quality you have provided to the world.
Finally……..
Take an honest look at your life at this moment and evaluate the direction it is moving in. If you feel something is lacking, then start by looking at how each of these universal truths is being practiced in your life. It may be an eye-opening and sobering experience. But one in which you can make choices to improve in any area you wish. Need to be kinder? Make that choice. Need to improve your integrity? Do that. Need more honesty? Be honest. There is always a chance in every new day to move your life in a different direction. It is up to you to decide if you will be moving in a direction more positive or negative than before.
“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes; it’s a universal truth.” – Marilyn Monroe.
“We can’t control what thoughts and emotions arise within us, nor can we control the universal truth that everything changes. But we can learn to step back and rest in the awareness of what’s happening. That awareness can be our refuge.” -Sharon Salzberg.
“Each of us embodies, in a particular tale and clothed in the garments of time & place, universal truth, and everlasting life.”- J.R.R. Tolkien.
“The only time you have is the where and when of right now. There will always be good times, bad times, hard times, and complete disasters. However, there is no other option but to be where you are when you are. That is a universal truth for everyone. The important thing is how you respond, what you decide to do, and when you decide to do it.”- Chris Murray.
Without purpose, life is an exercise in existence. Tasks are completed daily for no other reason than to get to the next day. Some find joy in this, but for me, there has to be a purpose to achieve, a target to be acquired, a goal to be accomplished. It is in the pursuit of accomplishments we find out exactly what we are made of. To find that holy grail, climb that mountain, sing that song, start that movement, or accomplishing whatever goal lights your fire. The process is one that we all have to learn from experience to see what works for us. When I was fortunate to reach success, there were a consistent set of influences present. When a failure has occurred, one or more seem to be absent. Each of us is an individual, and our stories, beliefs, and needs are different, but these things will only help you.
Build a Solid Foundation– Not with the goal you pursue, but the one you build in yourself. Develop honesty, integrity, trust, loyalty, love in yourself for yourself. Every relationship and experience you experience allows you a chance to become these things. Regardless of your past, you are defined by the actions you take today. Focus on this and build the foundation for success by making decisions that represent the best of you. This foundation will not be fancy and isn’t done to make you popular or allow you to brag about your talent or accomplishments. This solid foundation is built in stone and gives you a chance to accomplish anything if you are honing your personal skills and standing for the right things. Honesty, integrity, kindness, gratitude, service, and joy of life seem to be a good place to start.
Commitment– There is a constant and consistent effort needed to move your dream forward to a positive conclusion. There are going to be bumps in the road and challenges to face. Anything of value comes with challenges attached. That is what gives these things their value. Stick with it through the tough times and keep plugging along toward what you want. The most beautiful, practical, workable philosophy won’t work if you don’t. Keep taking action toward your goal, and don’t give up. Be committed.
Learn the Steps– Goals are not all the same. Some are long-term, some are short-term, and some are intermediate. Learning to break them down into smaller steps and understand what each step means allows you to find meaningful action every day. Nobody goes from beginning to end in one step. It takes several to many steps depending on the size of the thing you want to attain. Be patient with your journey and learn what you need to. Enjoy the steps, and they are the things you will remember most when success comes your way.
Picture it – Imagination is not just a tool for daydreaming. It is a tool you can use to bring almost anything into reality. Imagine your goal as if it is a reality. See what it looks like, feels like, and picture the world with your goal as a part of it. All things ever created started this way. To be an image in someone’s mind brought everything ever created into reality. Practice using your imagination always; it is a valuable skill that you can lose if you don’t use it. Visualization of something will allow you to bring it into reality, visualize it daily.
Be Accountable-Every day, you have the opportunity to move forward or backward. Only you can be responsible for your actions. If you choose to take a day off, you are accountable for the progress you don’t make on that day. Taking consistent, manageable action every day toward your visualized idea will allow you to move closer to making it a reality. You are responsible for yourself and the actions you take or don’t take. Remember that nobody else is to blame, only you. Be accountable to yourself always and accept responsibility for where you are.
Roll With It– No matter where you are in life, life is always changing. The world around you will always change and forever. Don’t fight it. Go with it always. It is the difference between positive growth in life and stagnation. Keep moving forward with a positive attitude. Let go of the things that are outdated and relationships that no longer serve a positive purpose. Change is inevitable and constant, so grow with it. I know this is easier said than done sometimes, painful experiences are not so easy to roll with, but the choice is yours. Follow the path to success or failure. There is no other direction.
Team Up– When you set out to accomplish something, it can be an idea in your mind, but it takes others to really make things happen. Build a team that is like-minded, goal-oriented, and change-minded people. It is going to take support, not fighting to get you to your desired destination. When like minds are employed in a venture, it moves faster, and it is a lot more fun. Life is a game meant to be played in pairs. Find someone who believes in you and allow them to help you. Understand what a great gift this is.
Tell Few– Tell your plans to only those you trust because the first inclination of someone is always to discourage you and tell you what might go wrong or why your dream/goal/desire is unrealistic. Tell only those who will support your efforts. The process is hard enough without hearing negativity from your “support system.” Better to keep it to yourself. But those of a like mind will support you. Those who care about you and love you will want nothing but the best for you. So tell few and never boast to most.
Write It Down – Make the goals you are after a checklist and when you can check them off, do it and celebrate the win. No matter how large or small, celebrate it. Putting it down in ink is a process that will allow the accomplishment to take shape in reality. There is a transformation from thought to reality when you write something down. It starts to become real somehow. Do this to your dreams, and soon they will become a part of your life.
Use Reflection– What you become seeking your goal/destination is far more important than what you get at the end. Skills will be developed that will allow you to achieve other things. Take time to reflect on all things you do, and ask good questions about what you learned and answer them honestly and completely. Reflecting on your experience is a powerful teaching tool for yourself. Never miss a chance to look for personal growth. Never let a momentary setback be the thing that derails you. Each “failure” is a gift to accomplishing the ultimate prize. Don’t take failure personally. Take it for what it is, a lesson. Reflect and learn from it, and the perceived weakness of a mistake becomes a strength of your great accomplishments. Reflect and learn.
There it is, a simple method for accomplishing success at whatever you are seeking in life. All people have goals at some point. I urge everyone to keep setting them until the day we are no longer a part of this wonderful experience called life. Whether you follow this process or develop one of your own is not important as long as you find one and know that creation and accomplishment are in your hands.
“You have to remember that the hard days are what make you stronger. The bad days make you realize what a good day is. If you never had any bad days, you would never have that sense of accomplishment!” -Aly Raisman.
“You were designed for accomplishment, engineered for success, and endowed with the seeds of greatness.”- Zig Ziglar.
“Nothing stops the man who desires to achieve. Every obstacle is simply a course to develop his achievement muscle. It’s a strengthening of his powers of accomplishment.”- Thomas Carlyle.
energy with every thought and every action, and that energy is attached to you. This is true of everybody in every moment of every single day.
Our minds work overtime sometimes, and we must establish a clear representation of our thoughts, goals, and perspectives on life to find our direction based on the things we truly believe. All knowledge will change you and move your consciousness one way or another and leave you with a final set of core beliefs representing your experiences and how you choose to interact with the world. Looking at my experiences over the last year, I needed to revamp my collection of what I think and look at other people.
