Why Mean People Are Mean

One of the things I like the least in life are mean people.  Mean people exist and thrive on crapping on the attitude, accomplishments,  interests or well being of someone else, with the sole purpose of making themselves feel more powerful or to increase their own self-esteem.  In a word these people are toxic and need to be avoided at all costs. They can leave you feeling worn out, tired, depleted and negative about everything but most importantly about yourself. It seems that they spend all day thinking about how to be mean to people.

Now I understand that most acts that can be considered mean come from people who need to make themselves feel better about whatever is happening in their lives and because they feel a lack of power, self-esteem or everyday ordinary goodness in their own lives.  This makes them feel the need to treat others poorly.   What bothers me is that it takes very little effort to NOT be mean, and perhaps some of the inadequacies they see in themselves would be alleviated if they just tried to be less judgmental and inconsiderate once in awhile.

Why You Gotta Be So Mean?

Negative Choices Can Make You Mean

People’s actions may be done without the intention of being mean to others, but when you gossip, put others down, ridicule, judge or make fun of someone else, you are stepping into the dark side of mean.  So often in our social media society do people make fun of others, it has become an accepted form of expression.  Look no further than Youtube.  You can look at almost any video on there and if you bother to read the comments left, there is always someone who has gone out of their way to leave a not so positive comment, often using foul language and almost always to put down the content of the video or the creator.   I often wonder how bad their lives must be to spend their time to be so negative.  It is really unnecessary, if you don’t like something you see, why don’t people just not watch it?  I guess that to do that would rob them of an opportunity to be a jerk, and being a jerk and getting noticed is better than not getting noticed at all.  On Facebook, people go to all kinds of lengths to make negative pages about people, for the sole purpose of hurting them.  There are numerous cases of cyber-bullying that have even led to suicide.  Why?  I just don’t seem to be able to grasp the concept of being that hurtful to someone else.

Being Mean To Celebrities, Still Makes You Mean

It has become the right of everyone to be negative about everyone who is a celebrity.  We all seem to have a licence to judge them and their situation simply because they are well known.  In reality, we know nothing about the issues facing these people and the facts about their circumstances.  It all comes from jealousy, we as a society, build people up and seem to relish in tearing them down.  Charlie Sheen is a great example.  Does he have issues?  Yeah, he does.  I don’t think that I know enough about him as a person to make a judgement about whether or not he is an addict or mentally unstable.  I have never met him and I don’t know any more about his character or values than I do about someone who cleans windows for a living.  Most people don’t.  That hasn’t stopped our society from judging him and ridiculing his decisions like we are so much better a person than him.  Really we know nothing and a train wreck, real or imagined makes people feel good, because it’s not their train wreck.  Just say the name Snookie and people will immediately let you know their judgments about this person.  I don’t know why people like to judge her so much, but she has gotten rich and famous because of it.  I personally don’t know Snookie and how she chooses to live her life is her business and that of MTV.  I think people criticize her because they see a part of themselves in her that they just don’t like.

In life there are going to be people we deal with that we may not like or appreciate.  It happens, people are different and not everyone is going to get along.  But does that give us a license to be mean to them?  It takes little effort to be courteous and accepting.  If people put in as much effort into being kind and accepting as they did into being mean and judgmental the world would be a much better place.

Here are a few ideas for those of us working on living a positive lifestyle and Stop Being Mean:

Most mean people have a sarcastic edge….arm yourself with a few funny one-liners that you can use when faced with a negative person.

Don’t take what a mean person says personally…it is their problem, definitely not yours!

If you have a friend that has a mean streak and tends to say things that hurt you or others, try saying, “Ouch” out loud and never allow yourself to get sucked into the behavior. Always know it is okay to not continue the friendship.

Don’t go running away scared from a mean person, walk away with a stronger sense of yourself, knowing that you made a good decision not to get sucked into the negativity!

The ultimate victory for us is not to fight back, get even, be vindicated, nor ever to bring the Mean Person to justice. The ultimate victory is to render this person irrelevant.

Some helpful hints on how NOT to be mean:

• Before doing anything quickly ask yourself: “Will this thought/action/comment make the world a better place for me, or anyone else?” If not – don’t do it and save yourself the repercussions. There’s no point expending effort in making yourself or others unhappy. Ever.
• Tell yourself constantly that you’re a nice person so that your mind begins to accept that you are. Change your behavior accordingly to fit these new standards. Thinking you’re one of the “good people” instead of a “bad person” can really make a difference to how you act. Your mind will react positively.
• Resist judging people if they are not nice to you. You shouldn’t judge people anyway. There is always someone nice inside everybody, even those whose insecurity causes them to be mean to you.
• Like all habits, this one will be hard to stop. With perseverance, however, your defensive meanness will change.
• Smile. A smile will let people know that you are pleasant and inviting. If you smile at someone, look them in the eye.
• Ask people how they are doing. Take the time to ask someone how things are going in their lives, without being nosy or intrusive. If they seem resistant to talking, just let them know that you’re always around to talk to, and that you want them to be alright.
• Be a good listener. Listen when other people are talking to you.
• Be courteous, patient, observant, and considerate. And be positive. Don’t be negative or critical. Keep looking for the positive in any given situation.
• Be humble. The key to being nice is remembering that you are not “better” than someone else. You’re an individual, but everybody has their struggles, and being nice to one another makes life better for everyone.
• Be sincere.  Be nice because you want to look back on your life and know that you were a nice person, no matter what.
• Don’t lie. You will go on to do good things if you refrain from lying.

 

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