Tag Archives: Judgments

Duplicitous

It has been an observation that all people are duplicitous, always have been, and always will be.  Some have more separation between their two sides, but we all have them.  This image of the apple makes me think of this.  Billy Joel expressed it very well,

“Well, we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out and
Show ourselves
When everyone has gone
Some are satin, and some are steel
Some are silk, and some are leather
They’re the faces of the stranger
But we love to try them on.”

What you show the world

I don’t think that anyone can argue with the premise because we don’t go around showing the world everything about ourselves. We show them what we want them to see or are comfortable with them seeing.  This apple is like that because you will see something undesirable if you look at the bottom, and it looks like it is no good.  However, if you look at the top, the apple still looks healthy and normal.  If the apple

hiding feelings
Be Careful What the World Sees

could choose to show you only its healthy-looking side; you would assume it was a normal and healthy apple without knowing the hidden damage underneath.  All people are this way to some degree.

Hide Your Damage

People hide their damage from the world for a couple of reasons.  First of all, nobody wants to be judged on the things that have happened and hurt them.  Nobody knows how much someone has been hurt or why. It seems a narrow thought process to label someone for one small part of their life.  Most often, judgments come from selfishness to point out someone else’s pain to hide our own. Or deflect attention from the very same issues in one’s own life.

masks
Are all outward appearances just carefully conceived masks?

Another reason people practice this separation is that if people knew their true feelings on things and issues, they would reject them, and they would lose acceptance in society.  This fear keeps many wearing their masks for their entire life, showing what they know will be accepted and hiding their different faces, regardless of the honesty behind them.

Why Be Shady?

It seems that people would be a lot happier if they could be who they are, think what they want, and be allowed to heal their damage. This is the way of the human condition, and we will continue to exist like the apple showing what we believe to be our shiny side to the world while we hurt underneath.

It makes you wonder if everything you see from people is just a mask or if they are trusting you enough to show you what they really think.  That is why people like dogs because you always know exactly where you stand with them. I have met people I thought I knew well, who proved over time to be hiding their true self behind a veil of lies and misinformation.  I can’t judge too harshly.

Keep To Yourself

How much of myself do I keep to myself? Just because I don’t want to put myself in front of the speeding train of judgment.  Much like all of our superheroes, Superman, Spiderman, Batman, and the like, they maintain a “secret” identity to protect a part of themselves.  I think it is to give them a safe space to live, outside of the public pressure of being Superman.  I think there is a bit of that in all of us.

Regardless of where you stand personally on the subject of duplicity, I will know that you, as well as everyone else, have a duplicitous identity. I guess the trick is to see which side of themselves any person is choosing to show you at any one time.

The Forty one Year Fight

Mike Martin and I have been friends for forty one years.  There are not many people in the

41 year fight
Even though Mike is always wrong, he still argues with me all the time. He is so stubborn.

world outside of your family that you have known your entire life, and still call them your friend. I am fortunate to have had a friend for most of my life, who is cantankerous, stubborn and is often not right about anything! He would tell you the same thing about me.  We work together right now and that leads to many conflicts about virtually every subject.  When I started this new Picture Project I was in between two of these conflicts, so it only made sense that the first picture should be a symbol of the fights we have on most days.  These “fights” are more philosophical battles, where we do not agree on much of anything.  But when the chips are down, I know I can count on him and he on me.

The core of our conflict has boiled down to the essence of our philosophies, and all of our conflicts stem from this premise:

My Philosohpy: That there is a right and a wrong, that everyone deep down knows it and that morality is definite and binding.  (he refers to this as black and white)

Mike Martin Philosophy:  That life is lived on a continuum of gray area, sometimes things are right, sometimes wrong depending on the circumstances.  (I refer to this as the whatever way the wind blows philosophy)

I could go into each of he specific debates that we have had over the years but when I write about it I seem to be even more clearly right than when the original argument occurred.  Needless to say that we have argued over philosophy, thought, morals, honesty, choices, how to stop drug addiction, and even judgments of others.

Needless to say these arguments have traveled with us from Belgrade all over the State of Maine as we have gone to different locations for work related stuff.  There are a few things we do agree on though.

*Greenville was a great place to grow up

*Our parents were pretty good people

*The Patriots and Red Sox are awesome

Having had some experience with people that are friendly to you face, but not really a friend it is good to know that even though we argue all the time, it is good to have at least one friend that I can count on, no matter what happens.

So this argument has been going on for 41 years and even though I am always right, it still continues, some day he may even get the last word.

But not today because as usual I am right!!!!!

fortyoneyearfight
Always appreciate your real friends.
  • On Fighting
  • No, you’re not entitled to your opinion
  • Keeping Sartre, and other passions