Tag Archives: Love

22

The Essential Lessons

Leave a comment

What We Should Teach

There are many life lessons we will learn

Presented with the opportunity to teach anything I wanted, and assuming that anyone wanted to learn, there is no doubt that I would try to teach a few of the things I have learned from life that I think are important.

 There were many important things that I never considered early on in life, which have proven invaluable and nearly vital knowledge today.

 These lessons may not be mind-blowing, but I think they are essential for you to be all you want to be in life. Whether you believe they have a place in your life or not is up to you.

1. There is Greatness in You

No matter the circumstance of life, each of us has the potential for greatness inside. How that greatness shows itself is different for everyone, but it is nonetheless. The secret is to find your area of expertise and allow it to grow.

greatnessIgnore the limiting thoughts of others. DonDon’tt your own negative self-talk discourage you. Follow the feeling in your heart that tells you quietly and confidently what you should be doing. Know that you are great, and allow it to show. Some of us have hidden our talent for so long that we have forgotten what direction to look or what to look for.

The first step to finding out what your skill set might contain is to start to look for it. Once you do, I have found that things tend to fall together quite naturally to develop and present you with a path to follow.

Before any of that can happen, you have to accept that you have greatness in you with the potential to do whatever you dream of.

2. Love or Fear will rule you.

There are two forces inside each of us, and everything we do comes from them: love or fear. You can choose which one you pay attention to in any situation.

 Love is not just romantic love. That is a tiny part of the entirety of the emotion, and it includes all branches of this positive emotion. Kindness, acceptance, joy, peace, love, humility, empathy, and truth are all things that come from this positive force.

Fear or Love Frame the Phrase Adyashanti Fear is the opposite and leaves its calling cards behind, evil, anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, inferiority, and ego. Following these feelings and thoughts will bring more situations to make the same choice. What you think is who you are.

With every situation you encounter throughout life, you will be faced with this simple choice of how you approach it, and your choices will determine what kind of life you experience.

It is important to remember this choice because sometimes you may be in a situation where someone elselse’soice will affect you.

How positive the impact you have in life will, in a nutshell, be boiled down to which of these two opposing forces you align yourself with.

 

3. Gratitude is the Attitude

I do not know if gratitude can be taught or not, but it is vitally important to have a good life. Often, we spend life looking at what we dondon’tve and wondering why.

This thought pattern will only bring more awareness to what you dondon’tve. Since you spend all of your thought on the lack in your life, that is precisely what you will continue to experience.

InspiringsFramedPrintGratitudeBestowsReverenceThe alternative is to focus on what you do have, and even if it isnisn’tch, being genuinely grateful for what you do have will open the door’ for more to come into your life. Since your thoughts are about gratitude and being thankful, the world will find a way to see that you experience more of these things.

Being grateful is recognizing what you have and experiencing some joy about it. Being grateful will allow you to enjoy that thing and experience a feeling of joy surrounding it.

 If you are experiencing joy, even on a small scale, it is hard not to be happy. If you are happy, well, isnisn’tat the purpose of this little game called life? I think it should be, and I am grateful to be able to tell you this.

4. Live in the Present Moment

Speaking of being happy, you must learn how to live in the moment. That means you are aware of and appreciate what is happening in your life. It would seem simple to do, yet very few people do it.

 Distractions take out minds to all sorts of places rather than where we are. You cancan’tjoy today if your mind is lost in yesterday or tomorrow. If you arearen’tesent, then your happiness will evade you.

33214115972027956_gojpenAi_f Look at people walking down the street today; most are focused on anything other than where they are. On the morning commute, almost every eye is looking at their phone or Apple Watch searching for something that is not with them.

The present moment and all that it has to offer is ignored for a fantasy of thought that takes you anywhere, but at the moment, you are actually in.

This is important because if you live your life half aware of what is going on right in front of you, it will be challenging to experience long-lasting happiness. Simply because if your joy is in the past or uncertain future, it is not with you right now.

conclusion

I would include many other lessons in my lesson plans for life, but that will have to wait for another day. I am grateful to all of you who have read to this point! You just made my day! Remember that the end game of life is to be happy. So if you are making decisions or having thoughts and experiences that arearen’trking to that end, you need to change them. You have the power to do this anytime you want, and you have to like it.

 Reflections on the way things used to be…….. lead to knowledge

22

Leaving Judgement behind

Leave a comment

judgementWhy We Judge

It can be easy to look at someone else’s life and quickly dissect all they are doing wrong or at least be doing better. Their lives seem like a simple puzzle; they are too lazy, too rich, too poor, don’t care enough, or care too much. People look so quickly and coldly that they never really see the harm that judgment can do to their lives.

It is negative energy, which will never be a good thing. Acceptance is the key to positive relationships in life. If you are looking for happiness, then judgment needs to be avoided at all costs. Who are we to judge someone else? There is no more precise definition of where you are in your journey than how you judge someone else. Or perhaps how much you misjudged someone else. 

Hiding In Plain Sight

So why do we all have such an inclination to participate in something that is clearly detrimental to our lives in every way? One of the reasons is that when we direct our attention and others’ attention outward toward someone else and their behavior, the poor decisions and mistakes you have made are overlooked. Isn’t there a safe feeling inside when you say, “I may be struggling, but I am not struggling that much?”  So our judgments are constantly distracting attention away from our weaknesses. Does that make your weaknesses any less real?

Putting someone else down with judgments automatically puts you in a position above whomever decisions are being thrown at. It defines you because you focus on distractions rather than working on your problems and becoming a better person yourself. Your concerns are still simmering in the background, waiting to boil over.  It is impossible to be happy when you know an explosion is coming. And there is an explosion of chaos coming your way.  

Defining Ourselves

It will come down to the choices that we make each day when it comes to judgment. You have the option to be more accepting of others and their challenges because, in reality, it is not any of judgment 3456your business.  The choice to look at yourself honestly and work on your decisions, thoughts, feelings, and actions is a daily struggle that you need to start to pay attention to.

We define ourselves for the world in each thought we have and each word we speak. There is an illusion that nobody sees our weaknesses in our minds if we create a big enough cloud of dust by speaking in judgment about others.  Not your circus, not your monkeys. You will decide whether your meanness and judgment define you or kindness, love, and acceptance. It is that simple. When you judge someone else, you are clearly defining yourself, and you are ignoring your areas that are in significant need of improvement.

I used to worry a lot about what other people thought of me. Now I am much more concerned with what I think of others and how I look at their behavior and try not to take their terrible actions personally. It is a reflection on them and has little bearing on me.

When you judge another, you do not define them. You define yourself.~ Wayne Dyer

Are you judging or accepting today?

 “When someone judges you, it isn’t actually about you. It’s about them and their insecurities, limitations, and needs.” Lulu

“Never judge someone by the opinion of others.” Anonymous

“Be curious, not judgemental.” Walt Whitman

 “Everyone has untold stories of pain and sadness that make them love and live a little differently than you do. Stop judging; instead, try to understand.” Anonymous

“I don’t judge others.” Sarah Jessica Parker

 

22

Knowledge Will Change You

Leave a comment

BeliefOur minds work overtime sometimes, and we must establish a clear representation of our thoughts, goals, and perspectives on life to find our direction based on the things we truly believe. All knowledge will change you and move your consciousness one way or another and leave you with a final set of core beliefs representing your experiences and how you choose to interact with the world. Looking at my experiences over the last year, I needed to revamp my collection of what I think and look at other people.

So here is the current version of MY Mission Statement. Presented in no particular order, here are a few things I hold as truths in my life.

We Are All Connected

Call it God, the Universe, or whatever your religion dictates, but to me, we are all connected through a divine order. All people have the same abilities for great love and equal power to commit evil, which is just a part of this crazy game called life. We are given individual gifts at birth to make our unique mark on the world if we choose to do so. When you look at all things, events, and people in your life, you can see the thread that connects everything.

This connection runs through the hearts of all people. There is an illusion that our experiences are seperate events; a universal force is running between us all, connecting all of our stories. Remember this the next time judgment of others and separation’s effects enter your life. There but for the good fortune of your circumstances, go you. There is no difference between you and anyone else but choices and details. We are all connected.

Our Beliefs Control Our Lives

Each of us has developed throughout our lives a core belief system. We established most of these beliefs early on in life. These are limiting beliefs that delay or even stop our development completely. Our expectations were built by our parents, grandparents, siblings, teachers, religion, and peers. Most were developed before age ten and have remained with us to this day. Our beliefs have to power to achieve goals or stop us from becoming what we should be.

The great thing is that all beliefs can change at any point in life when we look and find irrefutable evidence that contradicts them. All of the “you can’t,” “no’s,” “you’re not good enough’s,” “You can’t make a living doing that’s,” or any other limiting statement from your youth making you feel like you are not good enough can be eliminated — the processing and acceptance of new information about you and your abilities.

Here is a secret; you are powerful and can do anything you set your mind to accomplish. You have the chance to try anything. Look honestly at the barriers stopping you; most often, you will find insecurities and limits that we place on ourselves because of limiting beliefs we choose to accept. Accept new ideas to guide you.

Your Actions Define YOU

Talk is cheap; what you do is the definition of your character. I have heard the soft and sympathetic words that were worth nothing but have been blessed by the actions of many great people. Saying you are something means nothing, and being that thing means everything.

Each day is a new opportunity to take action toward a goal or a dream that you have. Take a step, mail a letter, make a call, or do whatever small thing you can that will lead you toward your goal. Action is the power source for people’s dreams and will cancel out fear.

Every person that has ever been born has had a dream of some kind, and there are no exceptions. When a person takes action, they can make their dream come true. If that action leads to failure, then at least you know, and a direction more suitable to you may show itself from the effort.

Thinking Positively Leads to Positive Results

Bad stuff happens to everyone at some point in life; how you deal with it is crucial. Life is full of things that we define as good or bad. Positive thinking is not about ignoring the “bad” in life and always looking on the bright side, although those factors result. Positive thinking is bringing the focus of love, understanding, kindness, acceptance, and peace to all you experience—ignoring your counterpart’s hate, judgment, separation, meanness, and conflict.

All experiences have the power to bring the positive or negative inside a person to the surface, and what emotions and thoughts you let dominate your behavior will decide what actions come from you and what feelings are happening inside you. All things are just things until we assign a value to them and determine how we look at them.

All People Have Value

A person’s value is difficult to remember when I am angry or someone has hurt me, but that doesn’t change the fact that I believe this is true. People live differently, make poor decisions, and look differently, but they are all valuable and unique individuals.   All that separates us from the circumstances of another is mere chance. At our core, we are all beings of love, and understanding and are looking for acceptance in the world.

We are all born with a unique gift that can contribute to the world’s good. It is the meaning of life to find out what that gift is and how to use it. Some people lose their way through the experience of life and bury their talents too profoundly to be retrieved, but the reward is still there. With the right nurturing, perhaps it could resurface.

Gratitude is the Gateway to Abundance

How often do you appreciate all the positive things in your life? Moving through life each day is easy; let events and people swirl past you without absolute acknowledgment. Stop for a moment and give thanks for each experience. Even when the lessons are not what you are looking for, they will provide clues as to the direction you should be moving in.

Being grateful and putting yourself in that mindset each day creates an energy of acceptance around you, and that energy attracts more into your life. What you focus on multiplies; if you are grateful for what you have, you will have more things to be thankful for having in your life. Take time and reflect a bit each day on the blessings in your life. Breathing in and out and having an experience is a blessing many lose daily.

Forgiveness is Necessary to Move Forward

To forgive someone for something they did that harmed you is very difficult. It can’t just be lip service of saying you forgive; it has to be inside your heart. The only one who can give forgiveness is you, and the sooner you give it, the sooner you can move on. Letting go of pain, sadness, anger, or any other negative emotion is key to enjoying life.   I read somewhere that you know forgiveness occurs when you think of that person, and there is no subtle searing inside your heart. It can take a conscious effort, but with forgiveness comes freedom and strength.

Embrace Love, Avoid Fear

All people carry this inside of them, and the one you pay attention to will determine how much you enjoy this ride we call life. Focus on the love-based emotions like kindness, understanding, generosity, acceptance, patience, and love while avoiding the fear-based feelings and thoughts of anger, hate, separation, jealousy, stereotyping, and judgment. It can be harder to do than it sounds, but the effort is well worth it.

Remember that fear will be a continual battle for you throughout your life. It will attack you both outwardly with dangers real and imagined. It will also subtly invade your life through indirect methods, invading your thoughts and being powered by your emotions. All things will work out if you let them. Some powers exist which are far wiser than you. Learn to trust them.

Our beliefs are essential to the type of life that we live. If you do not work to control them, they will direct you. We all have to live with the results.

22

Your Dark Gift

Leave a comment

box of darkness “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness, and it took me years to understand that this was a gift.”― Mary Oliver.

All experiences in life are an opportunity for growth and learning. The person you are today has been built brick by brick from the things you have gone through, both good and bad. Those things that were not so enjoyable or were extremely painful are often considered darkness, and the darkness that comes into our lives can be challenging to get rid of even many years later. Unfortunately, as we are going through these dark times, there is no natural way to gauge the benefits of coming down the road, but that doesn’t make the value any less tangible. What makes a situation dark? Is it something that another has done to us? Or is it our weakness and inability to say goodbye and move on?

Darkness Teaches Lessons

Love is a challenging game, and most of us start playing at a very young age. As we try to figure out the protocol rules, we are living our lives. Love brings extreme bursts of hormones and emotions that bce9d7147ee2eb2c5daaf2f4200af93bcause us to bond; eventually, those bonds become part of us. W en they are broken or taken away, it can be excruciating. T e dark box is the ending of a relationship and the pain that arrives in your life with it. There is sage advice that time will heal all wounds, and that is true, but the scars will remain and lessons learned last.

These lessons become the legacy of your experience, and in the end, after you have hurt, cried, and healed, there is the experience, and either consciously or subconsciously or both, you are going to use that experience as a guide for future decisions in affairs of the heart. You will make future decisions out of love if the lesson is positive. I  you choose to be bitter and feel sorry for yourself and be afraid of being hurt, problems will arise in all the relationships you try to engage in.

How many people suffer this way, unable to establish a relationship today because of the past pain and not wanting to go through it again? To use the darkness as a gift is to open your heart and be aware that it can be broken, but use the past lessons to take more intelligent risks. But take risks, live your life, and love. Let the darkness be a guide to what you want in life.

Darkness Exposes Light

The dark box is a gift because it is easier to see the light when you have dark. I stand out, and you can recognize the difference. F om the darkness in that box, we can learn to experience the light of life image14with more zeal and enjoyment. W en you are in the moment of love, enjoy it. I  may last forever, or it may end tomorrow. There is no guarantee. Be mindful of the moment and make that time the best it can be.

Wisdom isn’t gained by having a perfect life and making sound decisions. It is usually built through the painful teachings of bad decisions and questionable choices. It doesn’t come easy because easy experiences are quickly forgotten. Painful lessons last a lifetime. Evaluating a dark time and coming away with a plus is the beginning of wisdom. Applying that lesson to future endeavors is putting it into action and making that knowledge a part of your life.

Take your box of dark and explore it all. S e it for what it is, a broken heart, a broken promise, a significant loss. T y not to see it as a personal condemnation of you or punishment but as a valuable tool to help transcend your life. T  gift is that you may ultimately learn how to live totally in the light led by the dark that you have experienced.

Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift. ~Mary Oliver

The Dark gifts I have been given have left me thinking my light will go out forever. But when I look at my life now………..

 

22

Looking for You

Leave a comment

Do you Let Your True Self Shine?

Do You Know?
Do You Know?

I have had to pause to ask myself about my path quite often. What makes each of us unique? Let me tell you what I think. Each of us is born with unique talent or skill that is ours alone. It is given to us at birth, and we need only to follow it to find our purpose in life.

Life isn’t ever that easy, though. From the moment we come into the world, we are met with limits and expectations from others.

Sometimes the limits come from a place of love, like a parent guiding their child safely, and sometimes they come from a much darker experience.

It matters little where the limits come from, and they cause us to be ashamed of who we are and what talent we have.

These “would have’s” and “should have’s” of life make you shy away from your true self, pretending to be something more acceptable. Some who experience abuse early on in life never really get to see their authentic self, making it much harder to find.

Looking For Me

Are You Looking For Me?
Are You Looking For Me?

I have been hot on the trail of my authentic self for much of the past two years. It has been a slow and sometimes scary chase. It all began almost two years ago.

When I realized that I didn’t know anything about life, I was not happy, and like many people hadn’t been happy in a long time.

There had been moments of extreme happiness, and I enjoyed people, but the inner feeling of joy escaped me. I had resigned myself to think that this was how you felt in life, empty and bored.

I was waiting for the clock to run out. However, life had other thoughts, and events reminded me that I wasn’t always this way.

Dreams were a vital part of my youth. My imagination guided me in almost every adventure I had every day, and I dreamed of everything from playing for the Red Sox to racing horses.

I believed that everything that I thought of could happen, and it was just a matter of getting a little older for me to do all of those things. That person was my authentic self, the true me. I was gifted with the ability to dream vividly, and it seemed life was determined to make me forget that.

The Cover-Up

cover upOver the years, the feelings of trying to fit in, not rock the boat, and be “normal” made those thoughts move from the front to the back of my mind.

Finally, they were forgotten, neglected, and abandoned as I got older. I was an adult, and there was no place for dreaming in adulthood.

It was like knowing a secret that you couldn’t remember, but you knew it was a good thing, and if you could connect with it, then all would be well.

Life, however, moves in, and the job, the relationships, and the expectations all jump on top of you and push that authentic identity far back into your memory and may never let it out. Like you are asleep and can’t wake up.

Waking Up

wake upI am not unique because I think others have gone through some traumatic events and are shocked by the malaise of life.

I started to remember it piece by piece, and it is still coming back to me. Like waking from a slumber, you begin to experience life differently.

Each of us is born with an authentic self with abilities meant for us alone. Some people are right to them their whole lives, and others never see their authentic selves again.

Most people spend their early life forgetting and the second part of their life trying to remember. It doesn’t matter who you are or what age you are; there is a unique person inside you that is a mere alarm clock ringing from waking up.

Do you know your authentic self?

“Authenticity starts in the heart.” Brian D’Angelo

“Authenticity over everything.” Anonymous

“If you’re your authentic self, you have no competition.” Anonymous

“Don’t trade your authenticity for approval.” Anonymous

“Honesty and authenticity are a big deal for me.” Scarlett Thomas

“Authenticity: The courage to be yourself.” Anonymous

“Be fearlessly authentic.” Anonymous

“Authenticity is magnetic.” Anonymous

 

22

Power of Love

Leave a comment

Law of Love- States love is the most potent state we can experience in life, and it is pure and Powerful. 

We have been told that we need to go out and find love for many of us. It is out there somewhere waiting for us, but that is a processed version of what love is. Fairy tales and Disney movies are beautiful, but I think they give an unrealistic idea of what love is all about. Love is not something you will find out there in someone else, no matter how hard you look. Love is a force, and the only place you will find it is inside of yourself. All people have the power of this emotional experience inside. It is waiting to be chosen by our thoughts, words, and actions. It doesn’t only mean romance, sex, and relationships. It is one of the two choices we make regarding all things, and we choose to love or fear. That is the initial decision that will define our experience in life. Where does love fall in your life?   

What is love Exactly?

The world has used love to market to you. That means convincing you to buy things to feel more loved. But of course, love doesn’t come from ideas, and all of that marketing pushes us further from the truth inside. We choose to love or fear in all things. So looking for the best definition of love, I went to the Bible 1 Corinthians chapter 13, verses 4-8. It is located at the bottom of this post. Love is patient, and love is kind. It is the beginning, and it gives a pretty good description of what we should be experiencing with respect. The choice to be patient and kind is one you can make every moment of every day.

Love does not envy, and love does not boast. It is not proud. Those are all qualities of fear that people choose because they are scared that they will not have enough of something, recognition, importance, or fulfillment. Love does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking, meaning love builds people up and never tears them down. You could save many a relationship by practicing this when you think only about what you will receive from something you are not functioning from love but fear. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

The power of Love

There is a power that love can bring, and it is not complicated, but it is challenging to practice. We all have the ability inside of us to practice the best parts of love. They are the choices of joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. These are choices of thought and behavior that each person experiences every day. We can only give what is inside us to the world. If these thoughts reside in us, then our actions must directly result from these things.

Fear is the opposite of love, and it consists of anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego, to name a few. These negative attributes can sneak into your life through your thoughts. Love in response to any of these things will neutralize it. You have control over that responsibility in any situation. Just because someone else is wrong in your eyes, you don’t have to respond with anger. Respond with one of the positive aspects of peace.

Practice Love Right Now

If you practice love in your daily life, keep it up. But for most of us, we need to evaluate things and see where we can challenge the forces of fear with the opposite energy of love. To carry a superiority rather than to be humble. To judge others rather than accept their differences. To be angry rather than find peace. Today’s challenge is to notice what you are producing in the world and decide what you want to be in your life—the forces of love or hate. Love is the most powerful force you have at your disposal. Use it wisely and use it often.

Love vs. Fear Quotes

 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
“All healing is essentially a release from fear.” — A Course in Miracles.
“If you knew the secret of life, you too would choose no other companion but love.” — Rumi. 
 “Try not to confuse ‘attachment’ with ‘love.’ Attachment is about fear and dependency and has more to do with love of self than love of another. Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn’t about what others can give you because you’re empty. It is about what you can give others because you’re already full.” — Yasmin Mogahed.

“It is common to say that we are doing something out of love when we are actually doing it out of fear. Love and fear are complete opposites. So be honest with yourself, are you doing it out of love, or are you doing it out of fear?” — Teal Swan

22

Factors In My Fear

Leave a comment

One of the most influential factors in the lives of all people is Fear. It comes to us in various ways and affects what goals we set, what actions we take, our thoughts, and how we interact with other people. The factor of Fear touches almost every moment of our lives. It makes you wonder how we all became so afraid. Fear comes in many different forms to influence us, unease, worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread, and even phobia. These are the faces of Fear that people face and are influenced by every day. The thing to remember is that most of these are not tangible things. There isn’t a real and present danger that will cause you harm. No, these are fears based on something that might happen in the future, perhaps. If they do, I will suffer, making me nervous, anxious, worried, tense, etc. So we live our lives based on something that is just a thought that is not happening now. You can counteract feelings of Fear with thoughts of love, which starts with you, in your mind.

The Present Moment

It is also very peculiar that there is no room for fear when people are faced with things in the present moment. You can be worried about whatever you want, but when faced with that experience in the here and now, most people react without a doubt. They do what must be done, one step at a time. There is no room for fear or anxiety because you are dealing with the problem head-on, and you know the answers to any questioning thoughts you may contain in your head. Later, after the trauma is over, your mind can create wild replays of an incident and create new fears. This thought is post-traumatic stress. The event dominates your thoughts with what-if scenarios, and if that could happen, what about this?

Look at your thoughts, and all of our fearful ones are based on the potential for suffering and avoiding it. We are all scared of monsters in our closets, we all have different closets, but the Fear is the same. I will be hurt, and I want to avoid that at all costs. Try to focus on the thought that we can always deal with the present moment, but we have difficulty coping with things that are a projection of the mind. Because our minds can make up scenarios that make us feel helpless, and that is the scariest thing at all. The future is challenging to deal with as a projection because there is no honest answer to counteract the perceived pain experience. What is this pain?

Our Fears

What exactly are we afraid of?

*One is a fear of loss, that something we care about will be taken away from us. If you have nothing, you have nothing to lose, and it is the loss of things we have that frightens us. If you have love, rather than enjoying it, we destroy it with a fear of losing it.

*Another major fear is a fear of failure. To me, this is a significant impediment to developing to your fullest potential. When you try something new, you will either succeed or fail. Either way, you will learn something valuable that will lead to your ultimate growth and fulfilling your potential. Too often, we let our fear of failure stop us from trying something, and we are defeated before we begin. It isn’t the failure that scares us, and it is what others think the loss says about us.

*Fear of being hurt is another one. I think suffering is one of the parts of this human experience that we need to be conscious of. Of course, we don’t want to experience pain. It is not a good thing. But the pain has a purpose. It tells you that something is wrong and that problem needs to be addressed one way or another. It directs action and forces us to do something. When the pain is happening, most people are not afraid. After the experience of the pain, we are fearful of being hurt again. We remember the experience and, of course, would like to avoid it in the future. The problem is when you let your fear of being hurt stop you from living that you are living in Fear.

**Fear of death is the real problem we have mentally, that this physical journey will end at some point. You have to come to peace with our impending mutual doom at some point. But some people take it to the extreme and need to be right in every argument to defend a mental position they have identified with. To lose the debate is the mind having its sense of self threatened with destruction. If you are wrong about something you believe wholeheartedly, what else could you have been wrong about? Once you realize the mind is not you, it is possible to step back and see that right or wrong makes no difference. You can know what you believe and speak it firmly and clearly.

Shine a Light

Fears will disappear when you shine a light on them. The view of consciousness will eliminate all of your Fear of thought. Hold what scares you in your mind and focus on why it is so frightening to you. Follow the emotion back to its origin, and you will see most of the things we fear have humble origins early in life. They are often punctuated through our experience, but they start in our youth. If you have a fear of trusting someone and being hurt, it began when you were small, and it has probably been plaguing you throughout your adult life. Shining a light on this issue and realizing that there are people you can trust, and often it is your thought pattern that leads to a situation of suffering.

Spend some time documenting and honestly examining your fears. Find their origin and understand that they are just your mind projecting an image that doesn’t exist. The light of knowledge and understanding of yourself will bring courage.

“Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.” —Helen Keller

“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.” —Henry Ford

“I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” —Rosa Parks

“Fears are nothing more than a state of mind.” —Napoleon Hill

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” —Nelson Mandela

 

22

Character Development

Leave a comment

Character- the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.

CharacterIn our development as people, we result from the experience we endure in life. This fact is particularly actual when it comes to a person’s character. Either we have a good or bad feeling. The type we are provides a quality that is displayed clearly through a person’s thoughts, words, and actions. If you have traits you wish to improve yourself, we all have the free will to do this. Think about your character today, not just the areas you are doing well, but all of the ones you want to improve in. Character is what you do when you think nobody is looking. Remember, you are always looking. You can’t fool yourself. Consciously develop the character you want to represent you and share it with the world. It will be your legacy, one way or the other. The great news is you get to decide what impact you will have.

Character is in Constant Development

A person’s character is not chiseled in stone the day they are born, and it is developed through conscious choice over a lifetime. It has many aspects to Characterit. The way you treat others, level of honesty valued in life, consistency of behavior, the story of courage, ability to think, confidence in yourself, integrity, and many other factors all combine to create your character. We are taught many of these things, but we are continually adding to them through experience, even if we are not conscious of this process. People enter your life and change you, and a new understanding of loss or gain shifts your perspective.

Once you know that you can develop your character, there is no excuse not to find ways to improve. It involves two simple things:  1. honesty about yourself and  2. a willingness to grow and develop. Nothing is stopping you from enhancing but your self-imposed limitations. Find your strong points and celebrate them. Find areas in need of improvement, set goals to get better, take action to do just that. At the end of life, you will be the one responsible for all that you did or did not do. There is no deceiving yourself then. Don’t lie to yourself now. Develop your character exactly as you want it to be. Your choices in every moment of every day decide if your character traits or positive or negative.

Your Character Is Important

Not only will your positive or negative character influence your own life, but it will have sway over everyone you come in contact with as well. There is an energy connected to each thought we have, and positive or negative will be evident to those we have a connection with on our daily journey. Think of Characterthe people you enjoy having contact with, and think of those you don’t. With every interaction you have each day, the person you interact with has one of those two reactions. Your character determines which one.

Your choices in character will stem from your preferences of thought. It is a constant struggle to maintain the positive qualities of honesty over deceit, kindness over meanness, giving over selfishness, confidence over doubt, or love over fear. The decisions we make in character are vitally important because they determine your real value to the world and its collective consciousness. Developing a better attitude improves the world.

Tough Times Build Character

Stressful moments are, unfortunately, a part of living life. Tough times come to us, whether we feel we want them or need them. But there is an element of need we all have of roadblocks in life to grow into the best versions of ourselves. It is impossible to see what good can come from a situation when you are in a storm of pain and suffering. You are just in survival mode. But as that mode kicks in, you have to start to grow and change, or you will be overwhelmed and unhappy for the rest of your life.

Finding hidden strength and talent waiting hidden in your being is the reward for tough times. The character still maintains the things you think are correct even though the pain and sadness of life are real characters. In these extreme moments of choice, our true person is developed and revealed to the world. If you don’t like who you are becoming, then choose differently. The development of a positive life or a negative existence is all up to you and the choices you make.

Be Conscious of Your Character

CharacterThat makes the challenge today to look at your character honestly and critically. It isn’t easy to look at the fiber of our being and see where we fall short. But it is in this realistic vision your path of improvement will become evident. Do you need to be more honest? Braver? Follow through better? Be kinder? Be more accepting? Love yourself more? Whatever the points in need of improvement are, you can change and improve them. Nothing can stop you except for you. Be conscious of your character and what makes up your vital essence of today’s thoughts, words, and actions. By developing this element of your personality, you will be defined to the world: one way or another. There is no covering up or hiding from the results.

“Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” –Helen Keller

“Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.” –Albert Einstein

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.” –Abigail Van Buren

 

21

Emotional

Leave a comment

 

Through this human experience, we are inundated daily with all sorts of emotions.  Emotions are defined as: “a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.” They are our feelings, and unless you learn how to deal with them, they will deal with you.

These are things we face every moment of every day, but very few people look at what their emotions mean or, more importantly, what they are trying to communicate to us.  Emotions control much of what we do and how we relate to others in our lives. Take a moment and investigate how your feelings are affecting your daily existence.  Why are they so important? Where do they come from? How can we deal with them more helpfully? These answers will help you function more truly and honestly in your life.  You will cease to be at the mercy of the seemingly random appearance of your emotions because you will know where they come from.   You are not your emotions of love or anger or fear; how you react to them makes you who you are.

Why Emotions Are Important

Our emotions come from our thoughts, and most often, our thoughts are a reaction to the experience we are having or, more often, to experiences we had in the past. As we experience our daily lives, situations arise which stimulate thoughts. We have a complete memory bank of skills. When something happening now reminds us of something from the past, emotions are triggered, like a warning about suffering or pleasure from history that we might repeat shortly.  Anger, for example, is the face of fear. We get angry when thoughts that might not meet our needs are front and center in our minds. Many people get into the habit of using anger as a default to getting what they want, getting mad any time anyone challenges them, or not going exactly the way they want. These emotional responses are not healthy because, over time, anger takes its toll on your body, and more significantly, your relationships. Nobody wants to spend quality time with a ticking time bomb.

Our emotions tell us things that words can’t articulate, and learning to decipher these feelings rather than react mindlessly to them gives us a chance to be better and create healthier relationships. Start to look at your emotions pragmatically, from the perspective of, where did this come from? What is it you are feeling, and why do you feel this way right now? Every thought comes complete with a corresponding emotional response. Emotions are important because they are away. We communicate with the world and ourselves.  To ignore or suppress your feelings is a good recipe for poor mental and physical health. What is inside of you and how you feel will eventually come to the surface. You can decide if it is through a gentle investigation of how you think or an explosion of emotional steam after weeks, months, or years of psychological repression. Take care of your emotions, and they will take care of you. Listen to them, and they will provide you with a direction of where you need to go.

Watching Emotions

Rather than let your emotions dictate your words, actions, and life experience, the moment you feel them, take a minute and allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Our bodies are excellent because they think the stimulus from outside is like hot and cold, but also feel an incentive that comes from inside, like happy or sad. Rather than being controlled by your emotions, take a second and let it be there. The sentiment is a feeling or response, and you can sit back and observe it. What is causing it? What is the stimulus of this thing? It could be a link to some experience from your childhood, which is irrelevant today. When you can observe the emotion, you are no longer part of that response. You are separate from it.

Doing this successfully will allow you to investigate what is going on inside of you at that moment.  Watch the thoughts you are thinking, which have the emotion attached.  Watch your inner world unfold and ask questions about the genesis of your emotional responses. Doing this will allow you to understand yourself better and relate to the world and those in it.  Being effective at this will allow you the chance to become more in charge of your emotional health. Although you will never be able to control your emotions, you can understand how to work with them healthily and use the information they are sending you. Rather than just reacting in a mindless, subconscious way.  It takes time and effort to do this, but it will give you a better understanding of yourself and others when you become better at this.

Documenting Your Emotions

To start to practice this, you need to take some simple action. Start by documenting your emotions. Look back at your day and write down when you had an intense emotional response. Notice these feelings and how they affected you. Then follow it to its roots. What was the situation? What was said? Who was there? What were you thinking? Which of your thoughts are tied to which emotional response? All of this information is available to you every day and in all situations. You have to be willing to investigate, document, and get to know yourself in the emotional realm.  Each time you put your emotions down on paper, you will build a more reliable connection with yourself, where you came from, and what it is that you need to deal with. Negative emotions are dangerous to your health, and of course, your relationships, and to be at their mercy makes you a reactor to life.

When you know which situations or thoughts lead you to love, fear, sadness, happiness, or any other emotion, then you are in control of things. Isn’t anxiety a response to thoughts that create fear? Look for the ideas that put you in a negative emotional state and shine a light on them. Explore them. Understand them. Like a monster under the bed, a little light will reveal that you are spending your time entertaining unnecessary thoughts of fear. There is a freedom that comes from understanding yourself in all facets because understanding and knowledge are always the keys to power, and in this case, it is your power.

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”-Horace Walpole.

“Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.”-Elizabeth Gilbert.

“We all live at the mercy of our emotions. Our emotions influence and shape our desires, thoughts, and behaviors and above all our destiny.”-Dr. T.P.Chia

 

21

How You Treat Others Defines You

Leave a comment

I am as hard on myself as I am on anyone I know when it comes to this statement.  How you treat others defines you. I know because this is an area I have fallen short of many times in my life. I know I haven’t always been the best person when it comes to my treatment of other people.  I have a long list of situations where I have not treated others as well as they deserve or been the kind of person I would have liked to be.  That is why it is always so hard to see people you care about fall into the same selfish traps in the way they treat others in their life.  It takes so little to be decent in the world, and I guess sometimes that price is just too much for some to pay.  I try to adopt the hope in each new day that I will be able, at this moment, at least, to treat others with kindness, caring, empathy, understanding, and consideration. That is my hope.

Only In Control Of Me

The only thing in the world we are indeed in charge of entirely is how we control ourselves. Life can and will throw all kinds of situations at you, and it is up to you how you respond. Do you quit? Become disillusioned?  Respond with anger toward those who care about you? Blame everything and everyone else? Accept responsibility for ourselves and our situations?  The only honorable way to go is to accept responsibility for where you are right now.  Because you are the person who decides what thoughts are essential to you, and those thoughts will create the world around you.

You are the only one who can control the tenor of the thoughts you focus on. Where focus goes, energy flows. If you spend your time thinking only of yourself, you will be stuck in a cycle of selfishness with no real opportunity for growth because growth comes from the things you do for and share with others. The positive or negative actions we take in our lives each day will determine how our lives grow.  This idea is particularly true in our spirituality.  It is our responsibility to look for ways to improve as people in our life.  Regardless of the circumstances we face, we choose the impact our lives have on the people around us and us. Positive or negative, this is our choice, every second of every day.  You are the only one who can control you.

Noone Left to Blame

Today, our lives are the sole responsibility because we are the creators of the thoughts behind them. You can try to blame circumstances, other people, or just bad or good luck, but whatever experiences you have resulted from your choices and actions you have taken. If you have mistreated people, you can’t be surprised when you are treated poorly by someone else.   Too often, I have blamed others for the outcomes in my life that didn’t live up to my expectations.

I would have better spent my time accepting my thoughts, words, and actions and realizing that I needed to change my ways to bring different outcomes into my life. If I was going to be selfish and self-centered and only worried about how things would affect me, then I can’t be surprised when opportunities in life that rely on others pass me by.  Our lives are a direct reflection of what we think and what we do. There is no more significant measure of what we are as people than the shape of our lives right now.

Your Qualities Define You

Finally, when looking at your definition. What are the words you would like to have associated with yourself? Honestly, look at the way you treat others, and you will find the meaning of yourself. I know many people who would shy away from some of their adjectives, although they belong to the things they say and do. You can’t be mean to someone in one breath and then claim kindness in a general sense. Service is an attribute that accompanies you all the time, or it doesn’t at all. Mean and insensitive behavior can’t be erased by wishful thinking.

But it can be undone by a change in thought and recognizing our responsibility for our actions. Each day we have a chance to represent ourselves with behaviors we stand behind and envision as beacons of our best selves.  Falling for a time doesn’t define your life; it only establishes that part of your life. No story is over until the last page turns, and the best stories are always about redemption and comebacks.  You have to ask yourself, can I change? From negative to positive? Lousy behavior to good behavior? Unhealthy to healthy? Or whatever challenge you are facing because the only person who can choose what defines you is you.

“Our past may shape us, but it doesn’t define us.” ― Alyson Noel

“We cannot let the haters of this world define us. Or frighten us into no longer being ourselves.” ― Mary E. DeMuth

“Strong people define themselves; weak people allow others to define them.” ― Ken Poirot

“Define yourself—not by how much you are loved, but by how much you love others.” ― Connor Chalfant

“Never defend yourself, but define yourself with your imagination and actions.”― Debasish Mridha M.D.