Tag Archives: My Life

22

Put The Past Behind You

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Life is a strange play. We move through many of our days, never thinking things could be any different. But things are always in a constant state of flux, for the one constant we experience on a minute-to-minute basis is change. It washes over our lives in inevitable portions, perhaps not wanted, but it still comes anyway. When things are not so pleasant, there is hope that changes will bring relief from what you are experiencing today. When things are going well, we hide from change because it will ruin all of our current conquests and the kingdoms we have built.

For me, the last year was an experience in the latter. Things changed for the worse as people I relied on left my life seemingly complete proportions. There was nothing I could do, and I have spent the past months trying to pick up the pieces that used to be me and see where they fit. The feeling of significant loss is a form of suffering, and I can be aware that I had built too many attachments to the way things were. Perhaps too much trust too soon in some people. I have spent too much time looking at the past and wishing things would magically snap back to where they were a year ago. But that hope is holding me back from moving forward into whatever the following stages of my life will bring, which can be equally good if you allow them to happen. Loss is still something you need to grieve, which I have been doing lately.

Shutting Doors

When you look at all the cycles in your life, it can be challenging to find the courage within yourself to shut the door at that time in your life. Even if it was painful, disappointing, or negative, there are positive things about people and experiences you might not want to let go of. So you leave the door open just a sliver looking for the memory of that good thing to open the door and walk back into your life. But it will not and the focus you spend looking toward that door, hoping, is not paying attention to the other entries you may be able to open, behind which great things lie.

Who knows what will be hiding behind the next door that opens. It could be great; it could be just ok. Life doesn’t often allow us to choose, and we can only decide our reactions to and actions once they are open. The only thing you can be sure of is that doors will continue to open for you as long as you are alive and functioning. To End, a chapter of your life on your terms can be next to impossible, but how you accept an ending is always up to you. To fight against it is the greatest form of suffering—resistance to the reality of your life.

Be The Force of Change

Each moment presents us with choices, to do what we always have, to believe as we have always believed, or to make a conscious decision to start to think about something else different from the past. In my experience, life provides us with cycles of life that serve to offer us lessons about how to live but, more importantly, about who we are. You can be proactive in your choices of dealing with change by deciding exactly how the end of your chapters will play out for you.

If you seek out the things that need to change and then take positive steps in the direction you want, you initiate the change in your life and create the action. In this way, you are being the hammer of change and involved in just what new things enter and old things end. My experience is that life will reward this type of situation with answers, knowledge, and clarity about your vision of where you can go and the joy you can experience. The hardest part of initiating change is the fear that it won’t work out. But it always does, in its inevitable conclusion. Life will work out if you let it and are willing to accept what comes your way. Only through acceptance can you thoroughly move forward.

Leave the Past

The bottom line in life is that you have to leave the past behind you and live in the present as best you can to make the future the best possible. The people who seem to live best are the ones who can recognize an ending, take a bow, let the audience applaud, and allow the curtain to close. Then take the makeup off, remove their costume and leave the theatre, moving into the next play of their life.

To continually relive old plays is a trap of mediocrity. Each stage we perform in life provides a purpose, and you should never forget the lessons, but do not try to live there. It will only stop you from moving forward. Leave your life moments that have finished where they are and move forward into a great new day. These are easy thoughts to think about but much more difficult in actions taken. Our minds connect to people and things. It is hard to let them go because it is painful when seemingly tangible things turn to dust and leave us. We need to be able to understand why. With the seeming hope, we can avoid painful losses in the future. Perhaps we can make the pain less, but I think pain comes with a purpose and the lessons we learn through it are lasting and valuable as long as you don’t let them make you bitter. Allow them to make you better!!!

“The truth is unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”  Steve Maraboli

“Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.”–  Shannon L. Alder.

“If you want to fly in the sky, you need to leave the earth. If you want to move forward, you need to let go the past that drags you down.”   Amit Ray

“In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.”  –Deepak Chopra

 

22

Have Faith and Move On

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What Appears to Be the End is Only a New Beginning

It is hard to let go of things that have ended, one of the most difficult lessons you can learn is all things have a shelf life, and when it is time to what appears to be the end may only be a new beginningmove on, you need to be able to do this with faith. Understanding what you are moving toward is a piece of the puzzle you will need to achieve dreams and have positive things happen for you.

Relationships end, jobs are lost, people relocate, loss occurs, and even though there will be a natural pain coming with these experiences, it is a normal part of the grieving process. It isn’t easy, but it is part of being human.

Many people, including myself, have had issues moving on when a loss occurs. Even though it is obvious the time is ripe for change, new and exciting things are on the horizon. It is human nature to look back at the idealized safety we created in the past instead of moving with courage into a future, allowing you to chase and realize all of your dreams.

Moving led to new beginnings

Moving can be a traumatic experience for anyone, especially when you are a kid. I moved when I was 1, and at the time, I thought it was the biggest tragedy a person could experience. I had a great group of friends I had known all my life, and I knew where I fit in. I was comfortable and happy. Moving was traumatic. I had to deal with people who didn’t know me, and

beautiful reflection
Let Go And Begin Anew

might not like me. There was a lot of initial trauma, and I spent a lot of time worrying about what I was missing out on in life. Still, eventually, as I pushed through the new situation, I made some new friends and had experiences that I would never have had, both positive and negative, that led to growth.

Left to my own choices, I would have taken the most accessible road and missed some great things I have found. Everything in my life has led to growth, allowing me to evolve, and I learned valuable lessons. There was a lot of Idealizing of the past, but there is no way you can argue with your current reality.

Death and Dying

Experiencing a loss of a loved one is difficult to deal with, and nobody would ever characterize it as a good thing. Still, it’s my experience that you can gain something positive from this experience. Perhaps a better appreciation of the relationships you still have in your life or a greater awareness of the world around you. If you think of those who have passed with love, they are always with you. If they are inside your heart, mind, and spirit, a part of them is still alive.

Maybe the lessons that the loved one passed on left with you are lasting things. For myself, everyone whom I have lost has left a positive impact on my life. I am eternally grateful for the gifts they gave me. There were examples of how to live or how to treat other people guiding me through my life. I miss them all. I appreciate them all, they didn’t want to go, but it was their time. Cherish all who matter to you and treat everyone with kindness and dignity.

Losing a Job

When it comes to losing jobs, many have come and gone in my life. Some I liked and was sorry to see them go. Others not so much. In some cases it

starting over not the end
Starting Over Is OK

seemed like the end of the world when the job ended. In retrospect, I can always see the positive that came out of a seemingly negative situation. It could be that it was personal growth or a better experience that allowed me to be happier as a person.

It can be devastating as you get older to start over, but what a great gift it can be to allow you to grow and find what will make you happy. My experience is that the real problems come when you spend your time worrying about the past instead of addressing today. As traumatic as losing a job can be, a job does not define who you are, and your life isn’t ended because you lost a job. Change is life. I have always chosen life.

Relationships Ending

Relationships, unfortunately, end at some point (sometimes). People move, things change, priorities differ, and unexplained cruelness. These lessons are hard to deal with, and these can be with friends, coworkers, or in intimate relationships. All relationships have a cycle, and it is just some are larger and longer than others. If you look at the entire board of life, all relationships eventually end—even the most reliable end with one of the participants’ death.

Every person who comes into your life is there for a reason and often teaches you something. There are friendships I have had that have been lifelong. Some relationships lasted for a few years or even a shorter time. I appreciate them because I have learned a lot from everybody I have ever met. Even those I wish never happened because of the pain they caused brought learning experiences to me. Although sorrow was the teacher, they have made me stronger and hopefully a bit wiser.

Sometimes the lesson was how not to behave or what not to do, but most often, the experience is about how you can grow as a person. Letting go and appreciating the lessons you learned becomes more complicated when emotions are involved. Love is one of the world’s best feelings, but the fear of losing love has led to many personal tragedies. Time is the only cure for love because eventually, everyone gets the lesson and appreciates the great things that love has given them. Ultimately, you have only two choices, learn something or be miserable. Which is a better way to go through life?

The next time you face an apparent ending, take a moment and attempt to add some perspective to the situation. Once you get past the fear of losing something, you may find a silver lining if you allow it to work in your life. Look at what you learned and gained in wisdom and experience. Take that lesson with you into the future, and appreciate those giving you something positive daily. Value the experiences of life, and don’t be afraid of the changes inevitably coming your way. You have changed, life has changed, and everything will change again before you finish with this ride. Embrace all the good moments you have and the people you spend them with.

“You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call ‘failure’ is not the falling, but the staying down.” —Mary Pickford

“Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over.” —Guy Finley

“The beginning is always today.” —Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” —George Eliot

 

21

Both Sides Now

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the flip side of lifeWouldn’t it be nice if all we had to deal with in our lives was a success in all we do and happiness in all experiences? I think everyone would feel the same way, no sadness, loss, or grief, just happy things that are easy to deal with, yet we all know that life isn’t going to come as quickly as that. We all must go through some difficult times, and I think that is OK because you will never appreciate the good in life unless there is the opposite aspect to compare it to in life. There is always a flip side. How do you know that life is giving you what you need now? You are experiencing it. Please take a moment and focus your conscious thought on this very thought of how opposites teach you lessons and see what words and actions arise from it. It will probably be a better version of yourself, and you will value the joyous times and good experiences all the more when they happen.

Sunshine and Rain

No matter what your preferred weather is, there is difficulty enjoying it thoroughly without having experienced the opposite of your desired temperature. For me, it is the weather of the fall in the northeast.

sunshine without rainWe are blessed with pleasant temperatures and cooler weather at night, which is perfect for sleeping. Each day it seems that there is a different and wondrous color scheme on display. Fall has a feeling in your heart that you can’t explain, feel. Yet the appreciation I have for this season is deepened by the hot, uncomfortable summer weather and the oncoming extreme cold and snow of winter. Those intense experiences help you tune into the perfection of September/October that you are experiencing in the perfect dance of autumn.

If the weather were as you like, all of the time, you would eventually find that you lose the special appreciation you have for it. It would be more difficult at any rate to find that appreciation for the beautiful autumn days, and they would be “days.”

I think this is true about all things in life. We need to have what we don’t want to know what we do want and, more importantly, appreciate it when it is in our lives and seek it out daily if you can.

Being Alone Leads To Growth

Most people long for comfort and company, yet many have this in their lives and manage to throw it away because of a bit of moment or slight that they perceive. If you

have ever been without someone who “gets you” and is forced to live your life truly on lonely makes you appreciate relationshipsyour own, then it is difficult to appreciate it when you have that connection partner in your life.

You would be much less likely to throw that relationship away if you knew what real loneliness felt like inside. The warmth of happiness and connection should stop people from cheating and taking their partners for granted.   The opposite side of this coin would help many a relationship find its way through rough waters.

Empathy for another and understanding the feelings, dreams, and ideas that make someone else tick is, to me, one of the most critical features of any relationship. It allows you to understand and be understood, give accordingly, and receive. When empathy is gone, and people start worrying about their own needs without concern for the needs of the other, trouble is not far away.

Sometimes you need to be alone to allow yourself to grow into the person you are meant to become. Much like a seed needs to be in the ground alone, you may need the same situation to allow yourself to grow in understanding and ideas. Life is a tricky game, and none of us have all the answers at the outset. That is why it is so damn impressive. You do not have to be lonely to appreciate the company of others, but it certainly does make it a lot easier to remember and keeps your empathy at the surface.

Loss Makes You Appreciate What You Have

If you have never lost everything, you do not appreciate everything you have quite as much. Everything is a subjective word that can apply to anyone and their situation. You may lose your family, friends, possessions, or guiding principles and strand you in life with no clear guidance or a place to call home.

Whatever it is that you lose, a friend, a family member, a relationship, it is through this loss, you will learn to appreciate what you do have. When you evaluate the things you have lost in your life, remember to include equal time thinking about the good that you have in your life and the appreciation you have for it — practice gratitude to some degree every day.

Sometimes the wounds of the loss are too big, and we can never move past them. Sometimes the pain of loss or the idea of the damage has engulfed us and our identity to the point that we can’t see around it. My experience tells me that once I have let something go, there is an appreciation for the people and things that are in my life that I would never have known.

You don’t have to lose everything to find this appreciation, and you have to look at what you have in your life and be grateful for it.

Seeing the Dark Side

To be human is to possess the ability to be very, very good, but each person also comes equipped with a dark side. Much like Darth Vader in Star Wars, we all have to choose which side of life our thoughts, choices, and actions will take us. There is power in being positive, helpful, honest, kind, and a decent human being society would fall without this attitude is prevalent. But there is a dark side in all of us.

One of the things that make good people so beautiful is that we make a choice each day to be that way. Sometimes, it can be a natural choice to follow the voices of fear and separate, ridicule, lie, gossip, or be selfish. Each of our actions balances out in our vibrational energy and just what you are putting into the world mentally, and with your efforts, you will get back to you. If you are not happy with where you are, look at your mental game and see how it is playing out. Take affirmative action, and positive will happen. Follow the light side of the force.

Look at the Flip Side of Everything

So my final urging is to look at the flip side of everything that you experience each and

Superman is not as great without a villain to compare him to.
Superman is not as great without a Lex Luther to battle against.

every day. Noticing that there is something positive for you to appreciate in every situation. Enjoy moments of downtime as well as deserved respites from the whir of activity that often rules your life.

Appreciate the moments of being by yourself as opportunities to grow. Nobody knows who you will end up with, but remember that making yourself the best person you can, will bring the person into your life who will make you better. With the heart-wrenching bitterness that death and loss of a loved one get to your life, there is an appreciation for those you live with still that can envelop your heart and touch your soul if you look for them.

That is why we should always look for and appreciate the flip side of the coin because we would never understand the value of moments in our lives without it. Light without darkness, happiness without sadness, love without fear, the experiences that we live define us by our ability to appreciate our journeys. 

“Belief systems thrive in circumstances of the collision. Their opposites energize them.”– James P. Carse

“All colors are the friends of their neighbors and the lovers of their opposites.” – Marc Chagall

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOPwviOUenA

 

 

21

Develop

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Develop A Positive Mindset

The number one goal of life for many people is to be happy. Most seek this outcome over all others, or they say being happy is what they want the result of theirParents-can-only-give-good-advice-or-put choices to be. I was making a little list of things that might turn the tide for you in the direction of happiness. My thoughts are going to lead you to a store of positive emotions. These will lead to the words you use, and all of this will lead to the actions you take, which will make you happy or not, depending on your mentality. Look at this advice and see if it will work for you today to provide you with a more joyful experience. Happiness always comes from within. Make your own within a happier place. The following is my advice to be followed or ignored as you see fit. It is the steps I try to take every day. I try.

1. Never Forget You Are Great

You are great
You Are Great!

Sometimes we make bad choices. Sometimes our learning experiences are not so pleasant. These are all just events happening outside of us and have nothing to do with who we are inside.

There is no goal that you can’t reach or success that you can’t attain if they are willing to be dedicated to getting there.

Don’t let what anyone else tells you, thinks about you, or acts toward you change the goals you feel in your heart are for you to accomplish. Sometimes your peers, your teachers, parents, or the world will tell you things that make you feel like you are not a great human soul with endless possibilities.

If they do, ignore them, they are just trying to bring you down. You can do anything; your light is perfect and doesn’t need to be adjusted because of others’ thoughts and ideas. Follow the flash of inspiration inside of you and create as it guides you.

Sometimes we forget this and accept less than we should from our experiences. If you clear all the rubble of life away, underneath, there is still a force of greatness. Never forget it is there, and you will find happiness.

2. Follow Your Passion

follow your passion
Always follow your passion.

I don’t care what you do in life, be a banker, a lawyer, a dancer, a carpenter, or whatever it is that makes you happy, but you must be the best you can when you follow that vocation.

Too many people choose a career because of what their parents or society thinks will provide a good living. Or it will be a safe and productive choice. This direction will make you end up in a career that is not fulfilling and ultimately leave you feeling unhappy in life.

When you choose what to do with your time, do what you are passionate about in your life. Choosing this path will allow your heart to expand, your mind to grow, and for you to come alive as a person. It is difficult to be unhappy when you are feeding your essence with creativity. Do what you have a calling to do.

3. Be Kind

You can either make someone’s day or provide a hurt that

Be Kind
Remember This!

May never heal. Kindness is free, contagious, and good for everybody. Look for ways to be kind to everyone you come in contact with today, including yourself. Understanding is infectious and has the side effect of happiness. You will make the world just a little bit better by being kind.

People in the world have forgotten how great they could be, and they spend a lot of time being miserable. Misery loves company, so they spend much of their time trying to make everyone else feel as bad about themselves as they do.

Please don’t pay any attention to this and recognize the actions for what they are. Being kind and understanding is not always easy, but it is still right.

Stay away from judging people and their behaviors because you will never know what experiences they have had.

Understand that there is greatness in everyone, and perhaps some people will never be able to reach their best, but you never know. Maybe your kind word or action will propel them to greatness.

It is a sure thing a selfish act or an unkind word or deed will never help anyone. Help people when you can. Be kind.

4. Be Patient

Patience is not an easy thing to practice. But not all things come instantly, and often the best stew takes a little time to cook. Understand that good things are coming to you if you want them and take action toward them. Just practice patience and enjoy each step of the journey. It is often the journey we will remember fondly as we look back on our triumphs.

There are a perfect time and a place for everything in your life. When you are a kid growing up, I understand there are a lot of pressures placed on

Be patient
Be patient, and enjoy what life has for you today.

You to get older quicker, and you feel like you will be ready to make your own decisions, and you will have the opportunity to make many.

Be patient, don’t grow up too fast, enjoy being a kid as long as it is appropriate because you will never be able to go back.

No matter how it feels when you are in high school, good or bad, that is a concise part of your life, and it won’t define your life. It is just something that you have to go through. You may be popular, or you may not. In the end, it doesn’t make a difference in the type of individual you will grow into.

Treat people with goodness and strive to be true to your greatness. Be friends with all kinds of people because they will broaden your horizons and your perspectives on life. Growing up is an awkward, exciting time full of social learning and development, but it is only a few years of your experience, and it doesn’t amount to much. Take time to enjoy it, learn from it, and leave it behind when it is time. Be patient with yourself and your journey. One day you will look back and think wistfully of those days. Know you got the most out of them.

5. Think Outside the Box

Since you are a great human soul and able to accomplish anything you want, don’t let

Don't be boxed in
Think outside the box

society puts you in a box and restrains your power in any way.

From the day you go to school, they will try to teach you how to think. Learn how to read, learn how to do the math, learn what they tell you about history, but never forget that you are free to think anyway that you want.

Think outside the box; all great things were accomplished outside of the box, not following someone else’s prescription for life.

Think creatively, and look for answers that nobody has ever thought of before. Be original in your thought, and you will find innovative solutions. The world needs much more of this than cookie-cutter responses that an educator believes to be correct. Don’t let them put you into a box; you are more significant than that!

6. Choose Friendship Wisely

Be friendly with everyone, and look for the good in them, but only allow those you can trust into friendship. Many people who were

friends let you down
Expect the best from yourself and little from others.

Apparently, friends will be nowhere to be found when the inevitable trouble hits your life.

There will be a few, though, who will stick with you no matter what, and those should be cherished and never forgotten. Nurture those relationships, give them time and effort because they are unique.

The older you get, the more these jewels will reveal themselves, and the false friends will fade away into yesterday.

Most people enter your life for a season because you need to learn something from them or let them learn something from you, and when that season ends, they or you move on. Enjoy the seasons and don’t turn them into anything other than what they are. People can raise you or drag you down, seek the former and avoid the latter.

7. Never be afraid to fail

In my life, I have noticed that I shy away from things that I am not sure about, and the reason is that I am so scared that I might fail or make a

don't be afraid to fail
No Fear For You!!!

Mistake.

Never be afraid to make a mistake or to fail. These failures or mistakes will only define the act, not the person committing them.

Often you will learn your most valuable lessons by trying new things, and when you fall short, you will have an opportunity for growth and understanding.

The problem comes when, as people, we take our failure personally and let it define us.

This label makes us not dare to try again because it hurts too much to fall short. Never let a misstep define you, decide, fail, learn, and try again.

Show your courage and character by not allowing your mistakes to destroy you and understand the valuable lessons you teach you.

You are great after all and will do great things; the lessons failure teaches you is most likely to help you move in that direction. You have unlimited possibilities.

8. Stay away from Organized Religion

Organized religion is designed to control people and earn money for specific organizations. God did not create everyone and then disregarded most of the population because they don’t go to the right church.

These are fear tactics meant to diminish God and the greatness within you. Understand that God is about love, and anything that teaches division in any way is not from God but humanity.

When humanity creates differences with labels, they try to make themselves feel right by calling the other wrong. All are right if they are based on love; all are wrong that is based on fear.

9. Follow your Heart

When it comes to decision making, rely on your heart to decide on all other factors. Your head will think logically and weigh many options; your emotions will pull you in one direction or another, usually based on what will benefit you solely.

Let all of those factors pass by and make your decisions from your heart, and you will make the right choice, and nothing is more important than that. Learn all you can about the situation and do what your heart tells you is correct.

This correct action will be true in big and little things. As you develop this skill, there are bound to be mistakes made. Wisdom is not gained in a day, but use the errors to hone the ability not to go another way.

10. Be Honest

We make many mistakes, but always be honest about ourselves and accept the consequences of them.

A person will judge you based on your word, and if you often tell lies, your credibility will be gone, and it is not quickly gained back. Tell the truth in all things, be honest, and life will work much easier for you.

11. Accept Help

Because people are independent, oftentimes, they will need help but won’t ask for it because they don’t want to be a burden or are afraid they will look weak.

Never be afraid to ask for help if you need it, you don’t know everything as high as you are, and it may be that the person you ask for help will benefit as much from rendering the advice as you will from receiving it. Be as willing to accept it as you are to give it.

12. Love over Fear

Every emotion and thought you have will come from one of two branches of the tree of life, and they are fear and love.

Fear will make you feel angry, sad, mad, jealous, or any other negative feeling, whereas love, happiness, patience, flexibility, understanding all stem from desire. Those are the thoughts and feelings that allow you to enjoy life as you are living it.

It is a choice which branch of the tree you spend your time on, spend it on love, and you will find life quite a pleasant experience, or spend it on fear, and you will most likely be unhappy.

I can give you and urge upon you all of this advice, but the beauty of this game called life is that you have to play it for yourself and find out the joys and wonder that awaits you. I can’t do it for you or take away all the risk because my game is different from yours. It all starts with your thoughts, which lead to your emotions, words, and actions. Advice is a way to make sense of and provide value to our own experience.

“Advice is like snow – the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind.”- Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

“Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.”- Harper Lee

“I think that’s the single best piece of advice: constantly think about how you could be doing things better and questioning yourself.”- Elon Musk

“Know when to hold ’em, Know when to fold ’em. Know when to walk away, know when to run.”- Kenny Rogers.