Tag Archives: no control

22

Stuck Energy

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 Anything offering resistance will create energy blockages or stuck energy, which also applies to your emotional state. 

It is a battle of wills most days regarding the circumstances we see and the perspective we want to see. Resistance is the refusal to accept or comply with something or attempt to prevent something from happening. Your strength can come from action or argument. Things are not left to unfold as they should because we have a set outcome we would like to see in our heads. When you have this outcome in your mind, all other results are unacceptable and will cause a problem in your reality. It is hard to know what you want, set an intention to get it, and only accept one path to get there. Learning to see our resistance to things is vital to growing as a person. Resistance is futile when it comes to seeing the results of events. They will happen eventually, the way they are meant to be. You can fight against them and dislike the results, or you can learn to enjoy the ride. It is also true in accepting things in life. They may seem like “bad” things at first, but all items can bring good to your life in time. Work with them.

Expectations Limit Us

All of us create expectations. This creation means we believe a specific outcome will be the result we will see. Regardless of whether or not it is realistic, the consequences of situations we are involved in are predetermined in our minds. Any other outcome would cause disappointment, even if it were better than you hoped. Our expectations can limit our happiness and stop us from enjoying the good things coming into our lives.

There is an element of control that exists in our expectations. We try to devise what we see as the best possible outcome and then manipulate the world into that tiny, limited mold of options. But life is neither low nor inadequate, and you can’t possibly know all of the variables and potential outcomes perhaps experienced. You can’t control the Universe as much as you would like to. Not for yourself and certainly not for others. Control is a limitation to what you want; it will create situations where you are blocking good things from entering your life. Learning to let go of the control you wish to see in the outcome of your experience can allow more incredible things than you can imagine to enter your life.

Beliefs Cause Resistance

In our development as people, we create beliefs based on our experience and the information others tell us. These ideas bring us to think that a specific outcome will result from a situation even though there is no substantial proof that this will be the case. In this way, we believe we have the world figured out, and the cause and effect relationship of our lives will lead to the desired future results. In short, if I do x,y, and z, then the result will be fixed and predictable. Wouldn’t it be nice if the world worked like this?

The future is continually changing, and there is no way to predict or control what is coming your way. You may be able to do it once or twice even, but to do it consistently is impossible. Understand that our beliefs can and will change as our experiences in life grow. We are going to move toward becoming our potential. Suppose we are not cut short by our mortality. Being limited in your beliefs will lead to resistance to anything outside of them. Resistance leads to a stoppage in whatever you are trying to create. Work on being fluid in what you believe.

Bottom Line: Resistance=Disappointment

If you choose to be ridged in what you believe and the outcomes you will accept in the flow of life, prepare to be continually disappointed. People cannot consistently control all things and people in the world. Those we are close to needing to make their own decisions and have unique experiences. It isn’t up to us to choose for them. Good, bad, or neutral life’s

The rural scene at sunset

experiences are meant for growth. Let the experiences provide what they will, and don’t develop fixed expectations of what you will accept from them.

Resistance to a particular outcome can only lead to disappointment. Life happens, experiences occur, and we can choose to move with the results, or we can choose to resist them. Our choice will rarely change anything, so energy spent in this way seems to be a waste of time. Although it would be great if we could control things the way we want, life would never be able to teach us anything new, and growth would be impossible.

Accept the flow of things and allow them to happen naturally without resistance from you. Learn to take the lesson and become a more productive person as life experiences teach their classes. It’s up to you if you enjoy the ride or not. Resistance is not only futile, and it is a waste of energy. 

“Resistance is thought transformed into feeling. Change the thought that creates resistance, and there is no more resistance.”

“The mind commands the body, and it obeys. The mind orders itself and meets resistance.”

“What is happiness? The feeling that power increases – that resistance is being overcome.”

“The path of least resistance makes all rivers, and some men, crooked.”

“Fear is only inverted faith: it is faith in evil instead of good.”– Florence Scovel Shinn

 

 

21

Destiny

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Destiny- the hidden power believed to control what will happen in the future; fate.

DestinyThere are always going to be questioned in people’s minds. Why is this happening? Why did that occur? Why this experience? Are there forces at work in our lives that we have little control over?  Do we have a destiny, or is life all about free will?  Or both?  Questions are the tools of all thinking people searching for answers. They guide our minds toward solutions and actions.  Whether you believe every person has a destiny or not is irrelevant to me because we all have a destination. Whether you are fated to get there or not is a matter of semantics because you will get there.  Your life will be full of challenges, changes, and choices you will have to make. Each one is propelling you toward other challenges, transitions, and options. This cycle will continue in a loop until the end of your time.

Each of these decisions you make and experiences you have to change you, your outlook, and the skills others have with you.  So do you control these choices, or does it come from the Universe?  Just contemplating this situation will increase your consciousness. It all starts with you taking a moment and looking at your thoughts, words, and actions today as you determine the extent of your experiences.

 Choices of Destiny

Why does one person become a wild success and another a failure? I think it has very little to do with what is destined to happen and more to do with our reaction to situations and the choices we make.  To believe that only one destiny is available would seem to take away the joy of growth and learning.  Who is to say that there are not two or three or a million different destinies available to us and how we react to the challenges we face determines where we land.  Each day we are faced with the simple choice to accept where we are or to do something different.  To be a positive force in the world we live in or harmful.

You will be responsible for the place you are in right now. Situations are out of our control. How we react to them is our choice always, and the definition of your life is the result.  Losing a job, ending a relationship, a natural disaster, or the sudden death of a loved one are all examples of things happening out of your control.  How you have reacted to these things defines your life today.  Good, bad, or indifferent.  It wasn’t the events that created this destiny, it was your choices and resulting beliefs developed because of them.  You are free to choose something else at any time.

Create Your Destiny

What is it that you want in life? Would you like a more fulfilling relationship? To have more money? To have an exciting career? What is it that interests you?  Knowing that will help guide your choices when facing the challenges life will inevitably present you. Many people have no clear desire or destination in life, so their reactions to challenges are emotional and inconsistent.  In the words of Lewis Carroll, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”

Your destiny can be the result of a series of conscious choices, or it can be the result of your unconscious meandering.  Having a clear idea of what you would like to have in your life will allow you to take the right road and take responsibility for those choices. Don’t hide behind the false wall of pity. No hero’s story was ever built with the boards of self-pity and fear.  Be brave, be responsible for your choices, and know where you would like to go. Picture your desired destination and take actions that most likely move you in that direction. That is your true destiny.

Be a Hammer, Not a Nail

I was once taught there are two choices in life, and at different times we are the experiencers of both: Be a hammer or a nail.  That means you are either the provider of forces influencing the events around you. Or you are the instrument being influenced by the power of situations, other people, or whatever else you allow to control you.  You have the choice in most cases where you fall into this relationship.

Sometimes, we will be the nail no matter what we do.  Accept the situation, be responsible for your part, and look for ways to influence the direction of things from that point. You will face challenges in life, and they are opportunities for growth, accomplishment, and finding your destiny.  Accept the challenge with courage and character, and you will find the lesson in the problem more quickly.

It all starts with a more engaged consciousness, a thought, and focused action. Look at your thoughts, and they determine the words you speak and result in your efforts.  It is your destiny; take control of it today.

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves. It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward.”

“Love is our true destiny. I can control my destiny, but not my fate. Destiny is no matter of chance.”

 

21

Detach

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We all have desires and things we want in our lives. But if you focus too much on that one thing, life can slip away from you. It is always healthy to maintain some detachment to the idea you desire.  The biggest problem with having something good is that it comes with a similar fear of losing that thing. The protection from this fear is a measure of detachment or the state of being objective. This objectivity is a difficult skill because when you have a desire, it is difficult to maintain any objectivity and the corresponding emotions, leading to a negative, fear-driven mindset.  Detachment allows you to keep positive energy as you achieve your goals.

Law of Detachment- Letting go of your desire or releasing. 

Detachment from Your Expectations

In life, there are events we look forward to experiencing.  Any milestone or accomplishment brings anticipation, and naturally, expectations will arise in your mind.  This is the place where detachment needs to come into play. When you start to place expectations on the result of something, it is in danger of not being successful.  Once hope comes to you, the mind creates negative worry scenarios about how it might not happen the way you wish. This negative energy will make success and enjoyment difficult.

One of the greatest lessons of playing organized sports is learning to let the result be and take joy and care in doing what you need to do to reach your accomplishments.  This pleasure is accomplished by detaching yourself from the outcome and attaching yourself to doing what you are responsible for in getting there. The results will be what they are, and they will provide something exceptional.  A goal will be achieved, or there will be an opportunity to reassess and try again.  If you don’t practice detachment, one setback can destroy your enthusiasm and confidence.  The results do not define your value, and your actions on the way determine your worth.

Detachment and Charged Thoughts

Think for a moment about something you want to happen in your life.  It could be a new job, a relationship, or anything else.  You will have an initial charge of positivity followed by a litany of worry and fear.  This parade of negative thoughts can derail your efforts before they even get off the ground. It is beneficial for you to maintain a positive perspective, even if others in your life don’t—positive thoughts inside lead to positive results on the outside.

It is up to you to detach from the natural thought to dream up the worst-case scenario of whatever you are involved in in your life.  This detachment is a way of bracing yourself for all outcomes, and anything result will most likely not be a disappointment.  But disappointment can only come from expectations unfulfilled. Don’t create negative images in your mind; negative thoughts inside lead to negative results. Think differently than you have and maintain your individuality of view from those around you.

Letting Go and Letting things Happen

Letting things go is very hard for people to do. It is human nature to attempt to control things from the beginning to the end. But life will teach you that it just isn’t possible or healthy to do.  When you give up your need to control events or other people, you will only be responsible for yourself and what you do.  Too often, we are spending so much effort to attempt to control events in our lives and other people in our lives that we lose focus on the fact, all we manage is ourselves.

Allow things to happen as they should.  We all want great things to happen in our lives, relationships, money, or whatever we desire. But you can’t force things to happen.  All items come with steps of experience that bring them into reality. Building a business or a relationship all come with growing events along the way.  Enjoy these events, learn from them, and allow them to grow into what they bring to your life in growth and understanding.  Many a bad relationship was created by forcing it to perform as expected.  Let go and let things develop as they should.

Detach and Let Things Flow

Control is and always will be an illusion to humankind.  We have little control over the grand scheme of life, and we can only control how we react to events and people. That is it.  We build attachments to things in our minds and find it hard not to build up imaginary scenarios of what it will feel like and how life will change as we accomplish something.  It is better to know what you want and be willing to flow in whatever direction works best. Often the best route to our goals moves in a guide we would never have envisioned.  Take that route.

The other form of control that people often rely on is the control of other people. Usually, loved ones that we want to protect from hard times or difficulties.  However, this is an illusion too. All people have free will to choose what they want. Any control that you experience with another comes only from their consent. If you think you are in charge, you will be in for an awakening.  Detach from that and allow people to follow their path, learn their lessons, and become the best they can be.

In the end, failure to practice detachment from your ego and its limited beliefs grows out of a fear of change and how it might adversely affect you.  Let the fear go and allow for things to happen as they will. This isn’t easy to do, but letting go of your conditioning from the past will enable you to accept unlimited answers and experiences.

“Detachment is not that you should own nothing. But that nothing should own you.” -Ali ibn abi Talib

“He who would be serene and pure needs but one thing, detachment.” -Meister Eckhart

“The root of suffering is attachment.“- Buddha

“Detachment doesn’t mean I’m trying less hard. It just means that fears and emotions that used to torment and paralyze me longer have the same power over me.” -Kelly Cutrone

 

21

Life Facts

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Learning Lessons

learnThere is nothing I enjoy more than encouraging others.   I have been through enough to know life is not all sunshine and rainbows at this stage of my life, but I have experienced enough to know that you can still be happy regardless.  In my interactions with others daily, I often find myself counseling people to relax and let life work itself out.  This is, of course, very difficult to do because we have been conditioned from birth to make things happen. To be the captain of our destinies. But the older I get, the more I understand how very little I actually know. Life is much smarter than you and me. Here are a few observations that life has taught me; some lessons are easy, and I have learned the hardest of ways. Suffering is a great teacher and a constant companion of all of us.

The Value of Suffering

As a human being living on the planet, I want to help people avoid suffering, but I have come to realize that sometimes challenges are necessary for people to go through to rise to their highest level.  You can’t stop them even if you tried. Suffering is a part of the game of life. We are either in a crisis, coming out of crisis, or heading toward a crisis. The times in between allow us to reflect, but don’t wait too long; another situation is coming your way.

I challenge you to do it, find someone in the middle of some drama, sit with them and offer your heartfelt advice. Then sit back and watch as they do what they want to do.  Your advice may have been perfect and thoughtful, tempered by love and experience. Still, an indisputable part of human development is learning many valuable lessons from trial and error. It is our right to make errors, so don’t judge too harshly the errors of others because we have all been there. (And probably will be again) The strongest steel has to face the greatest fire. I know it isn’t personal when your advice is ignored completely.

Pressure to Be Perfect

PerfectYoung people are particularly prone to this. They feel the pressure of having a perfect education to get a perfect job and start down the perfect path of life.  Even though there is no perfect education, job, or path, they soldier on with blinders on, stressing over every step.

Read some blogs. It won’t take long to hear the stress and angst coming as the pitfalls in the path are revealed and the worry that life might not be easy, no matter what you do, is the cause of most of it.

It is not very often that we look at ourselves and see the perfect parts. Each of us has attractive and unique things about us, but we tend to focus on the “ugly” parts or the imperfections. People one day realize that their imperfections can be a strength if we only recognize them. Perfection is boring anyway. Be the beautiful, imperfect person that you are and be great at it.

Enjoy the ride

painWhen a person faces a challenge that you have been through, it is like watching a movie that you know the end of by heart. You want to tell them to relax. It will all work out in the end! These things are going to keep happening. Nothing goes as planned, and life challenges you and everyone else. It will be OK in the end if you don’t let the lessons defeat you.  The peculiar thing is that just like when I was that age, it falls on deaf ears.   Worrying about your rent, job, relationship, family, or whatever else provides a false sense of control. Some never stop. As they age, they keep on worrying and trying to control themselves. Wondering why things never change for them.  Let people be who they are and do what they need to do.

The obvious fact is that you have about as much control over 99% of what happens in life as the flea riding on the back of a buffalo. All the worry, the planning, the fear that has been driving you is all for naught.  Stuff is still going to happen you don’t like. You would be better served to enjoy the ride and see where it takes you. You will make choices and take action but be less attached to the results. They are mostly out of your hands. The attachment will only cause suffering because you have built a preconceived idea about how things should turn out. Let them turn out as they should. There will be a pain, but less than hanging on to circumstances which no longer serve you.

When you Appreciate the Ride

Great news, though. If you learn to ride the waves of life, you will find that most often, you will get what you need to be happy.  All you have to do is appreciate your experiences and learn the lessons they teach you.  Nobody is guaranteed tomorrow anyway. All there is in life is today.  I once tried to explain this philosophy to someone, and they said, “Jonathan, you make it sound so simple.”

I thought about that a lot because I am not at the end of this game, and I am not sure what will happen yet. Someone in their 60’s probably looks at me the same way. The difference is I hope I would listen to the voice of experience. Or at least I think I would. But I would probably feel like I know it all, and those other experiences don’t have anything to do with me.

Life is unpredictable

Learn how to ride the unpredictable waves of life!
Learn how to ride the unpredictable waves of life!

One of the best things about life is that you don’t know what is coming next, how life will play out for you. All you can be sure of is that there will be a lot of things happening to you. Some will be enjoyable and pleasant; some will be neither enjoyable nor pleasant. Your reward for playing and riding it out is to become a better player and a stronger person.

Prepare as best you can for life and learn how to manage a change in temperature, direction, or the cast you are working with. Change is inevitable and constant, and the best we can do is accept it and enjoy the fact that nothing stays the same. Even when we wish it would. People will leave. People will let you down.  Appreciate the good things.

Here for A purpose

Challenges are necessary for growth, and we would never evolve into anything worthwhile if we just sat on the couch all day getting whatever we wanted.  You are here for a purpose, and playing this game will show you what that is if you let it. An easy life is not a good life, and it is just easy.  That is true whether you choose to listen or not.  It really doesn’t matter in the end if you win or lose, but how you played the game of life. How have you played the game? If you were in a room full of all the people who had ever met you, would they cheer, boo, walk out, or attack you? The answer to that question will probably define how you have treated others.