Tag Archives: Personal Choice

22

Avoiding the Negative Loop

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This human experience can be confusing. As we try to figure out where we fit in, something changes, and we are left looking for a new equation that will lead to our success, acceptance, and happiness. But we spend time choosing and creating narrow attachments and expectations for the outcomes. If something doesn’t work out just like we think it should, that is bad, and we choose to be unhappy. When I let go of how I think the world should be and accept it, I can also find the good in each moment.

Suffering

Life is going to bring its share of challenges. No person will live for an extended period, having everything go just perfectly. If they did, there would be no opportunity for personal growth or self-development. You would be stagnant, just as you were. It w, and it is like continually being a child with no developing maturity. Suffering comes from the thought that what is happening in your life is not as you think it should be. Something is wrong and needs to be fixed. This can result from any challenge which shakes your reality.

It can be a relatively minor thing, like an annoying co-worker, to a big something like a loved one’s death. The idea you need to fix things because they are wrong will lead you to fear, worry, insecurity, resentment, criticism of others, criticism of yourself, tensions, stress, and all things which lead to dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

What if you didn’t do that?

The alternative is to open your mind and develop a broader vision of life and the things it brings your way. Perhaps the experience you are having, no matter how unsavory or harmful, is precisely what is best for you now. You don’t have to like it, but not wanting something won’t make it go away. Dealing with the present moment will allow you to become better.

Living in the present moment, not worrying about what the future will be, or regretting the past, will allow you to make choices that honor the present and see where true fulfillment comes from. It isn’t attached to the events swirling around your life. A “good thing” here makes you happy. A “bad thing” makes you unhappy. Realizing they are all just things to which you give meaning through your mental conditioning, expectations, and attachments.

Your Power

This doesn’t mean you accept someone treating you poorly; when this occurs, you don’t take it personally as an indictment of your value and see it as a clear issue of the person mistreating you. A loved one’s death is a sad occasion, but feeling bad won’t bring anyone back to life; the reality of the situation is what it is. How you deal with it, move on from it, and see your gratitude for the departed person’s influence on your life will allow you to grow and develop your power despite the loss.

Shift of Perspective

It is not an easy shift, moving your perspective from one of the ego-defined expectations to source-centered acceptance. If a life of fulfillment is your ultimate goal, then some movement in this direction is warranted. It will allow you to not drift to and from happiness to sadness based on the things occurring outside of you. Living like this gives all the power to those things. Never knowing from moment to moment if you will have the rug pulled out from underneath you or not.

Learning to see events as things outside of you and not letting them define your happiness is a rare power. Not identifying with our conditioned expectations, we can approach all situations with an open mind and heart. This will bring on feelings of acceptance, well-being, and ease about the events of your life. They are things that happen, not defining points of your character. In this understanding and practice, one will probably realize that life is, in fact, OK, just as it is. What if our most feared moments are just opportunities to grow?

21

Following Your Compass

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When you stop and look at where you are in your life and the people you are currently involved with, the biggest factor determining all of this is the values you follow and adhere to in your life. As the late great Zig Ziglar said;

“You are who you are and what you are because of what has gone into your mind. You can change who you are and what you are by changing what goes into your mind.”

Our own personal system of values determines the mode of input for all of us.  For every problem I have faced or challenges that arose, the success I have had with it has stemmed from the character I displayed through my values. There have been times in life where my value system was a little murky. That led to questionable behavior and less than ideal results.  That is the compass we all follow, which leads us to the destination in our lives. Where is your compass leading you? Where would you like it to take you?  Your values will reveal these answers. It is as simple as that.

Values

What are your values? A value is a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.  They can be positive or negative or anywhere along thatscontinuum. When I look at myself, Honesty, integrity, compassion, work ethic, independence, learning, kindness, and reliability are all positive values I apply to my behavior.  Since I have placed my focus on these things, life flows quite easily in that direction.

Your behavior is the true measure of your values. If you take what isn’t yours, you are not honest. If you bully someone else into making yourself feel better, then you are a bully. If you have no compassion for those in difficult situations, that tells everything about your life. Values will color all of your experiences with the brush of those questionable values. And when you are sitting there in anger and frustration because things are not working out for you, you have no one to blame but yourself and the negative values you have adopted.

If you don’t like your life, start by changing the values you focus on and practice.

Where Values Come From 

As little humans, we are each trying to figure out what this world is all about from the moment we are born. We are continually taking in information based on the behaviors and reactions of all the people we contact.  This stage lasts the first seven years of life, and during that time, our moral compass is passed on to us by the observed behavior and direct experience with others. Parental figures are the biggest influence, but so is everyone else you come in contact with.

We do not realize it at first, and some never realize it, but we are all responsible for our choices in life and the values we practice in all situations.  Just because we were born into a situation where poor values were practiced is not an excuse. You decide for yourself where your ethics and morality lie. If you choose to be unethical, you are responsible for that and the things which result from that effort.

Your Compass Bearings

When we look at the trajectory of our lives, it is easy to blame others, bad luck, the government, nature, or any factor that exists. Many of the things outside us we have no control over.  We can control the decisions we make around the values and morals we prioritize in our lives.  Our compass bearings are created from this.  There is no more accurate predictor of where that compass is going to take someone than personal values.

We are wholly responsible for the outcomes of our lives, and the more we take that, the better your life experience will seem. Life seems to bring us to the places we show appreciation for, and we show this appreciation through our values and the importance we place on them.

Today is a great time to reflect on your personal system of values and seek places you would like to tweak them in a direction in line with your ideal self. You will define this one way or another.  Please pay attention to the bearings of your compass of values and what they are telling you about life.

Some quotes on Values:

“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” Roy E. Disney

 “Our value is the sum of our values.” Joe Batten

 “If you don’t stick to your values when they are being tested, they’re not values, they’re hobbies.” Job Stewart

“Good moral values are mostly molded from a place where love, faith, and hope exist.” Arsenio V. Manalo Jr

21

Challenges and Fate

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Making-Choices-At-Cross-Roads-represents-Free-Will-Arriving-at-a-Cross-Road-represents-destinyMany have wondered if there is really such a thing as free will, or are we just following predetermined cosmic paths created for us to experience by some higher power.  Do our experiences happen for a reason, or are they chance?

Constantly, people face challenges and situations that always give them an essential experience or understanding that they need to accomplish a goal or create something that they could never have done without it.  Did you make choices about your actions, or was it your destiny?

At times it seems that life is an intricately planned dance, that we are merely providing a well-rehearsed part. So I will determine once and for all right here if you should listen to your heart or if it is an illusion you have any choice at all.

You Have a Choice

One side of this argument is that we all have the free will and choice to do whatever we want to do. There are no facts to back up this idea, only philosophy. We can pursue any goal, try to become anything we want in life. Create any experience we want. However, these goals do not always turn into reality. Sometimes we fail. So what is the choice then?  It is often a comforting thought to think that all thingsYou-have-a-choice. happen for a reason. But the bigger question to ask is, what is the reason? Is it a reason we have created for ourselves or a cosmic path we are sliding down?

We are the decision-maker in our lives. We each decide to ourselves if we let a minor setback put off the rails for a long time or resolve to try a different approach, learning the lessons of the past and the steely punch of reality.  When you set an intention in your mind and decide to create something, I think the Universe works to bring this about. But you can’t be sort of onboard with the result.  If you fail at first, you have a choice. To quit and blame the world for not giving you the thing you hoped to accomplish. Or you can choose to get determined and try again. You are not doing the same thing. That isn’t growth, but learning from the experience and adding that wisdom to the new effort.  That is a choice, and we all have free will to follow that at any time. I often have to remind myself of this fact daily. Many people go through relatively the same experiences. Some choose to quit, hide from and be bitter about life, where others want to use the circumstances as a motivation for getting something done, accomplishing the unthinkable, and proving life wrong. You can most likely find both of these experiences inside of yourself.

All As It Was Meant To Be

destiny-1Another thought is that everything exists out in front of you, and you are following a path that is set for you by God, the universe, the great beyond, or destiny (whatever you choose to believe).  To me, this means there is something that is going to happen regardless of your decisions.

If this is the case, then each choice you make is no choice at all; it is just you playing a predetermined part.  It will be ironic if this turns out to be true. Some decisions we languish over and spend hours of worry about for no real reason. But, in the end, your choice is already recorded in the books. We are just part of the illusion of control that makes us feel better.

Destiny is an excellent idea because it relieves the pressure. Things may not be as I want them right now, but I am moving toward greatness because it is written in the stars. (or not) I believe that the thought of true destiny without our participation would make no sense, but that is why we play this game of life to figure out the rules required to win. Each step we take reveals a little more of the game, and if a person is observant and reflective, they can learn more every day.  There are times I feel like circumstances are as they are meant to be, and others where I can’t imagine the good that could result from the day I just had. I guess the value of anything is judged by you and how it is applied to make your life better or worse. Have you ever just let the fates decide? I know I have, and in those situations, whatever happens, enjoyment and happiness are still a choice.

The Combo Pack

destiny-or-free-will_06_2011I think that there might be a combination of these two elements at work in everyone’s life. You are living your life, and you are faced with decisions each day. You can be significant, and the choices you determine if you reach your potential or not.  If you let the fear of anything stop you from becoming a better version of yourself, you will be less than you could be in life. In all things of value, there is always a chance of failure, loss, and disappointment. I have experienced it all in the past year.  It is my choice now what I do about it. If those things drive me to do something which leads me to great success, then, in the end, aren’t the nasty things perfect?

Was it fate that pushed me in the right direction, or was it a personal choice? Does it matter at all if the result is a happy life in which we can be the best version of ourselves? The one thing which I am sure about is that if you are unhappy with your life, then you have to make a different choice than you have been making.

Each choice we make should reflect on our experience. Life had given and where we are going and what we do when we get there.  My personal experiences have been telling me that we create our destiny.  Through our intentions, beliefs, actions, and confidence in ourselves and our abilities, we forge a life full of accomplishment. Or, through our inaction and doubt, we create a mediocre life that may be acceptable to others but doesn’t follow our real purpose in any way.

Irony?

One of the ideas I love is no matter what choices we make in the day-to-day grind of things. We are going to be pushed this way or that. We do one thing or another. We make a million decisions to try to create something or become something. The irony might be that all roads lead to the same destination. Some are more scenic, and some are more painful. But at the end of the journey, no matter which paths you have chosen, you will arrive in the same place.

If I listened to my heart, I would delete this post. Or perhaps it is my destiny to post it. Or maybe the choice of posting or not will turn my life down one of two different roads, each of which has a million different experiences on them before ending up in the same place.   It makes you wonder if there is any point in worrying about anything at all. So perhaps listen to your heart, cross your fingers, and hope for the best is the most positive thing you can do.

So what do you think?

A. By not commenting, you believe that the universe is on autopilot and what happens will happen

B. You can say, knowing that your free will to comment will affect your future, my future, and the future of humanity.

C. It doesn’t matter what you do. The same result will occur.

D. All of the Above

“What fates impose, that men must need to abide;
It boots not to resist both wind and tide.” WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

“Man does not control his fate. The women in his life do that for him.”-GROUCHO MARX

“Maybe Fate isn’t the pond you swim in, but the fisherman floating on top of it, letting you run the line wild until you are weary enough to be reeled back in.”-JODI PICOULT

“We seal our fate with the choices we make.”  GLORIA ESTEFAN