Tag Archives: Premise

21

Duplicitous

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It has been an observation that all people are duplicitous, always have been, and always will be.  Some have more separation between their two sides, but we all have them.  This image of the apple makes me think of this.  Billy Joel expressed it very well,

“Well, we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out and
Show ourselves
When everyone has gone
Some are satin, and some are steel
Some are silk, and some are leather
They’re the faces of the stranger
But we love to try them on.”

What you show the world

I don’t think that anyone can argue with the premise because we don’t go around showing the world everything about ourselves. We show them what we want them to see or are comfortable with them seeing.  This apple is like that because you will see something undesirable if you look at the bottom, and it looks like it is no good.  However, if you look at the top, the apple still looks healthy and normal.  If the apple

hiding feelings
Be Careful What the World Sees

could choose to show you only its healthy-looking side; you would assume it was a normal and healthy apple without knowing the hidden damage underneath.  All people are this way to some degree.

Hide Your Damage

People hide their damage from the world for a couple of reasons.  First of all, nobody wants to be judged on the things that have happened and hurt them.  Nobody knows how much someone has been hurt or why. It seems a narrow thought process to label someone for one small part of their life.  Most often, judgments come from selfishness to point out someone else’s pain to hide our own. Or deflect attention from the very same issues in one’s own life.

masks
Are all outward appearances just carefully conceived masks?

Another reason people practice this separation is that if people knew their true feelings on things and issues, they would reject them, and they would lose acceptance in society.  This fear keeps many wearing their masks for their entire life, showing what they know will be accepted and hiding their different faces, regardless of the honesty behind them.

Why Be Shady?

It seems that people would be a lot happier if they could be who they are, think what they want, and be allowed to heal their damage. This is the way of the human condition, and we will continue to exist like the apple showing what we believe to be our shiny side to the world while we hurt underneath.

It makes you wonder if everything you see from people is just a mask or if they are trusting you enough to show you what they really think.  That is why people like dogs because you always know exactly where you stand with them. I have met people I thought I knew well, who proved over time to be hiding their true self behind a veil of lies and misinformation.  I can’t judge too harshly.

Keep To Yourself

How much of myself do I keep to myself? Just because I don’t want to put myself in front of the speeding train of judgment.  Much like all of our superheroes, Superman, Spiderman, Batman, and the like, they maintain a “secret” identity to protect a part of themselves.  I think it is to give them a safe space to live, outside of the public pressure of being Superman.  I think there is a bit of that in all of us.

Regardless of where you stand personally on the subject of duplicity, I will know that you, as well as everyone else, have a duplicitous identity. I guess the trick is to see which side of themselves any person is choosing to show you at any one time.

Questions

Tell Me Who Do You Love?

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Who do you love and what are you doing about it?

who-do-you-love-what-are-you-doing-about-it by Jonathan Hilton

Love is a difficult topic to discuss because there are so many parts inside of us that can be exposed through this discussion, that it is easier to brush it off and make a joke of it, to distract from the fact that love is a huge part of being human and being happy on the face of the earth.

This straight forward question is kind of fascinating because it forces you to declare where the love in your life lies.  I realize that there are many different kinds of love we experience during the course of a life.  Love brings with it a wide variety of experiences from the fantastic to the horrible and it can all come from the same relationships.

I Love Everybody

love everyoneEveryone in existence loves someone. There is no way that you can’t.  It might be unrequited love, or unfortunate love or bad love but we all love someone.

With that premise in mind I answer that I have a feeling of love inside for everybody.  How can that be? Easy, because I believe that we are all connected and although our physical experience is different, there is a similarity that we all share.  Therefore to hate someone else is to hate myself.

There were many times when I looked at people with a much harsher eye. I judged people with a cool and unemotional dislike,  not liking those who were not doing what, in my mind they should have been doing.

It is easy to judge others because it diverts the attention away from yourself.  Most things that you find annoying or as shortcomings in others are the weaknesses you generally recognize in yourself.

I know that every person is living their life the best they can.  I can’t judge their personal decisions because I have not experienced the pain or joy that has influenced them.  All that I can do is to be accepting of people just for what they are because inside of them is a person who is very similar to me.

Even if they are mean, uncaring or cruel to me or others, I do not let their bad behavior and poor choices dictate how I am going to think or feel. I forgive them, that is all there is to do.  I would rather that then carry hate or resentment in my heart.  Hate is a virus and will destroy your soul and make life quite joyless. I have carried that load enough.

But You Gotta Love You

lucy loveOf all the people you spend time with in your life, you have to be the most important.  It is difficult for many people to consider that they love themselves, let alone to tell the world that they do.

For many years I can say that I never forgave myself for the smallest of mistakes.  I didn’t love myself, in fact I didn’t like much of what I felt or thought.  Yet in the end it is true that you can’t give love to someone else unless you first feel it for yourself.

I believe that each of us has a gift inside that makes us special.  When we were young we felt it and had hope for the day it would come to light.  Yet for me as for others, life pushed that gift aside and made us forget what we had.  Replaced by a chorus of  “you should”, “You Could have” , “You must”, “If only you would have.”

None of these regrets push you closer to your true self, in fact they push that truth deeper inside and make it harder to find.

I am not sure if or when I will ever find that light that existed in me, but I remember that it did at one time and I am searching for it feverishly because I know that it is fantastic.  The possessor of such a gift must be worthy of love no matter who it is, and therefore the first love I feel must be for myself.

What Am I doing About It

end loveWell anyone who has been reading my writings or talking to me in person will know that I am trying to live in a way that is representative of the best of me. I know that I have fallen short in many ways in my life and without the help of others I never would have  been able to start this journey. I never would have known what to look for.  So I follow the path that is laid out in front of me. One day at a time and experience what is placed in front of me. I accept others for what they are and try to accept myself the same way.  Love is the most powerful emotion in the world and all good things are an offshoot of this emotion.  I am doing the best I can to follow the feeling of love.

 

Who do you love and what are you doing about it?

George Thorogood Wants to know too! Listen Below

People

The Forty one Year Fight

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Mike Martin and I have been friends for forty one years.  There are not many people in the

41 year fight
Even though Mike is always wrong, he still argues with me all the time. He is so stubborn.

world outside of your family that you have known your entire life, and still call them your friend. I am fortunate to have had a friend for most of my life, who is cantankerous, stubborn and is often not right about anything! He would tell you the same thing about me.  We work together right now and that leads to many conflicts about virtually every subject.  When I started this new Picture Project I was in between two of these conflicts, so it only made sense that the first picture should be a symbol of the fights we have on most days.  These “fights” are more philosophical battles, where we do not agree on much of anything.  But when the chips are down, I know I can count on him and he on me.

The core of our conflict has boiled down to the essence of our philosophies, and all of our conflicts stem from this premise:

My Philosohpy: That there is a right and a wrong, that everyone deep down knows it and that morality is definite and binding.  (he refers to this as black and white)

Mike Martin Philosophy:  That life is lived on a continuum of gray area, sometimes things are right, sometimes wrong depending on the circumstances.  (I refer to this as the whatever way the wind blows philosophy)

I could go into each of he specific debates that we have had over the years but when I write about it I seem to be even more clearly right than when the original argument occurred.  Needless to say that we have argued over philosophy, thought, morals, honesty, choices, how to stop drug addiction, and even judgments of others.

Needless to say these arguments have traveled with us from Belgrade all over the State of Maine as we have gone to different locations for work related stuff.  There are a few things we do agree on though.

*Greenville was a great place to grow up

*Our parents were pretty good people

*The Patriots and Red Sox are awesome

Having had some experience with people that are friendly to you face, but not really a friend it is good to know that even though we argue all the time, it is good to have at least one friend that I can count on, no matter what happens.

So this argument has been going on for 41 years and even though I am always right, it still continues, some day he may even get the last word.

But not today because as usual I am right!!!!!

fortyoneyearfight
Always appreciate your real friends.
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