Tag Archives: Regrets

22

Looking for You

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Do you Let Your True Self Shine?

Do You Know?
Do You Know?

I have had to pause to ask myself about my path quite often. What makes each of us unique? Let me tell you what I think. Each of us is born with unique talent or skill that is ours alone. It is given to us at birth, and we need only to follow it to find our purpose in life.

Life isn’t ever that easy, though. From the moment we come into the world, we are met with limits and expectations from others.

Sometimes the limits come from a place of love, like a parent guiding their child safely, and sometimes they come from a much darker experience.

It matters little where the limits come from, and they cause us to be ashamed of who we are and what talent we have.

These “would have’s” and “should have’s” of life make you shy away from your true self, pretending to be something more acceptable. Some who experience abuse early on in life never really get to see their authentic self, making it much harder to find.

Looking For Me

Are You Looking For Me?
Are You Looking For Me?

I have been hot on the trail of my authentic self for much of the past two years. It has been a slow and sometimes scary chase. It all began almost two years ago.

When I realized that I didn’t know anything about life, I was not happy, and like many people hadn’t been happy in a long time.

There had been moments of extreme happiness, and I enjoyed people, but the inner feeling of joy escaped me. I had resigned myself to think that this was how you felt in life, empty and bored.

I was waiting for the clock to run out. However, life had other thoughts, and events reminded me that I wasn’t always this way.

Dreams were a vital part of my youth. My imagination guided me in almost every adventure I had every day, and I dreamed of everything from playing for the Red Sox to racing horses.

I believed that everything that I thought of could happen, and it was just a matter of getting a little older for me to do all of those things. That person was my authentic self, the true me. I was gifted with the ability to dream vividly, and it seemed life was determined to make me forget that.

The Cover-Up

cover upOver the years, the feelings of trying to fit in, not rock the boat, and be “normal” made those thoughts move from the front to the back of my mind.

Finally, they were forgotten, neglected, and abandoned as I got older. I was an adult, and there was no place for dreaming in adulthood.

It was like knowing a secret that you couldn’t remember, but you knew it was a good thing, and if you could connect with it, then all would be well.

Life, however, moves in, and the job, the relationships, and the expectations all jump on top of you and push that authentic identity far back into your memory and may never let it out. Like you are asleep and can’t wake up.

Waking Up

wake upI am not unique because I think others have gone through some traumatic events and are shocked by the malaise of life.

I started to remember it piece by piece, and it is still coming back to me. Like waking from a slumber, you begin to experience life differently.

Each of us is born with an authentic self with abilities meant for us alone. Some people are right to them their whole lives, and others never see their authentic selves again.

Most people spend their early life forgetting and the second part of their life trying to remember. It doesn’t matter who you are or what age you are; there is a unique person inside you that is a mere alarm clock ringing from waking up.

Do you know your authentic self?

“Authenticity starts in the heart.” Brian D’Angelo

“Authenticity over everything.” Anonymous

“If you’re your authentic self, you have no competition.” Anonymous

“Don’t trade your authenticity for approval.” Anonymous

“Honesty and authenticity are a big deal for me.” Scarlett Thomas

“Authenticity: The courage to be yourself.” Anonymous

“Be fearlessly authentic.” Anonymous

“Authenticity is magnetic.” Anonymous

 

21

Wishes

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What do you wish you spent more time doing Ten years ago?

Five years ago, life was very different.
Five years ago, life was very different.

Ten years bring many life changes. I have changed jobs a few times, moved to new locations, and changed my entire outlook on life.

Looking back,  it is kind of amazing that so many experiences came to me in the short period of a few years.

Now, like most people looking through the lens of experience, there are many things I wish that I had been doing earlier in my life. But all is a process, and you have to follow them step by step. What seems like wasted time is really time to learn.  A few of these lessons follow.

I Don’t Think I Thought Enough.

positive-thinkingOne of the things that I really wish I spent more time doing was thinking.  Not the egoic thoughts of judgment and criticism, I had plenty of those, but time spent contemplating the wonder of life and how to live it and be happy doing it.

I spent way too many years just assuming that I knew the answers when I really wasn’t even aware of the right questions.  It is an inevitable part of the aging process that when you reach the 40’s you start to reevaluate your thoughts, and you start to see through the cracks quite clearly because you are just not happy even though you did all that you were supposed to do.

However, I am also wise enough to know that I couldn’t have possibly spent more time thinking five years ago because I was not ready to absorb the lessons life had for me.  In time, I can only hope that I am a willing receiver and am moving my thoughts in the right direction—kindness, acceptance, and understanding.

Understanding  Friendship Better

pravs-j-hold-on-to-friendshipFriendship is a two-way street, and I was the kind of person five years ago who thought I had many friends.  I had a lot of acquaintances with whom I shared a job or an interest in golf but very few friends.  I wish that I had invested more time in developing those relationships on my part.

When hard times come, you find out who you can count on and whom you can’t.  I don’t blame anyone but myself for this realization.  I think I just expected friendships to continue without any real investment on my part.  Since all relationships are two-way streets, I have to conclude that the disappearance of so many in a time of crisis has to reflect my own contribution to those relationships.

I should have been investing more into those relationships a long time ago.  There are many people I miss. Those who I laughed with sharing a joke over lunch, or just in passing jest. The loss highlights my failure as a friend was a significant shortcoming.  I, of course, would never value friendship as much as I do today if I hadn’t had that experience.  The friends I make in life, and the world are all so very cherished by me. Any person who cares enough about me to invest interest and time is indescribably valued.   Sometimes it is lessons learned the hard way that lasts.

Not Doing It Alone

It is OK to accept a helping hand once in awhile and to give one as well.
It is OK to accept a helping hand once in a while and to give one as well.

There are some dark and difficult times in all lives, and mine was the darkest and most difficult seven years ago.  There is little value in getting into the details because they don’t matter much.  But I was in dire need of help then but did all that I could to avoid getting it.  I pushed away those who cared about me so that my depression and problems wouldn’t “bother” their lives.  I suffered in silence, and the keyword here is suffered.

Suffering is a part of life, but it can be made much less difficult if you don’t choose to suffer all alone.  There were plenty of people willing to help, but when you are in a hole, you don’t see the value.  At least not until long after the need for help is imminent.  I should have asked for help and allowed others to help me. I did not.

This was a valuable lesson for me though I think as I read things people post about struggles that they are having, I am glad to offer support and encouragement to them because they may, in fact, be in a hole of their own if they need help in how to get out. Hopefully, they know to ask.  I may not know the answer, but I will attempt to help.

Ten years have brought a lot of change. I had never written a significant word of any kind in my entire life, I had never heard of a blog, and I was shoulder deep in negative, self-defeating thoughts.  It has been an interesting time period. Any wish to do anything differently is really just a wasted thought because all experiences are a gift that provided the life lessons to become a better person, and for that, I am grateful.

 

21

No Regrets

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Today Is The Thing

4559365435_16203_gallery_xlargeLife is full of moments, each with its own individual fanfare and trumpets calls.  It is up to us to find the joy to embrace in each of these moments or notice the potential each day brings. Some live their life missing today because there is a constant focus completely on the past. Creating their identity out of the regrets about what happened yesterday, last year, or twenty years ago. Regret gives us a poor present to live today.  Most of what happened is a fantasy anyway. It is proven we don’t remember much of what happened accurately, only through our own perception of events.  Even if you are accurate in your recollections, can you change it? Even a little bit?

Today, this moment is all there is for you, and the more you branch out your attention from that, the less opportunity there is for enjoying the here and now. Keeping your focus on the task that you are working on will allow you to enjoy life.

All That You Do

In everything that you are doing, if it is worthwhile, you should be doing it well.  We should strive to complete everything that we undertake to the absolute best of our abilities.  There are times when our best may not be enough, but more often than not, it will regretbe.  I would only regret something today if I didn’t give it an honest effort and try. If something doesn’t work out how I think it should, then I have an opportunity to learn. It is in those lessons lives are defined, and new efforts can spring.

Regrets come from thinking about what might have been, so the only way I can regret what I am doing is if I could have done it any better.  If I spent time looking backward, I would miss the opportunities for success, enjoyment, and fun existing in this very moment I should be paying attention to.  But instead, I am regretting what I said to someone thirty years ago or how I shouldn’t have done something way back then.  This is a waste of time because you can’t change the past, and if you could have done better at that moment, you certainly would have.  Today I am trying to pay attention to what I am doing so that I won’t regret them later.

 I strive to be focused in all that I do and give my best effort to do it in the best manner I am capable of. Using the lessons I learned from the past and leaving the past where it belongs, far behind me.

To Be or Not to Be

fcd97ac86af9a9d2a31d9bcdc0971a3cThe question of whether our being or existence was worthwhile has been asked throughout time.  Some people have one bad experience taint everything else that comes in their life. It can happen when you are young and becomes the excuse for everything going wrong throughout life.  There is no need to have a childhood or an adult trauma define everything about your current life.  We all have obstacles or insecurities to deal with to see ourselves and our lives clearly.

 Once that trauma drama is overcome, and you see yourself for what you are, a creative, one of a kind, giant capable of doing just about anything, then you will not regret a moment. Each second is driving you toward your best self and what you are capable of.  Who is to say that the bad experience in your life wouldn’t end up being the catalyst for you to spring to greatness.  It is only an anchor if you keep yourself tied to it.  Never regret your being. I know I don’t, and neither should you!

Time to Have it All

What you have is really depending on how you look at life.  Do you regret that you don’t have regretown more possessions to stack up?  I don’t think the number of “things” you possess matters at all.  Although things may provide momentary pleasure, it is just a fleeting moment that passes as quickly as dusk slips into darkness.  Then to feel good, you need to have more stuff.  Stuff is not going to satisfy your soul or lead you to happiness. Only appreciating the moments of life and what they bring right now can do that.

The love of the people in your life will lead you to happiness in the giving and receiving that relationship. Of this substance, I am not sure that you can have too much.  Love is the kindness one shows to another when they are feeling down. Love is the acceptance of a person’s idiosyncrasies and to still claim them as your other half.  Love, caring, and kindness is attributes that make life enjoyable, and these feelings will last inside of you as long as you focus on them.  When the smell of a new car or the shine of the latest technological gadget has long faded, those you love and the feelings of joy will remain with you.

You may be able to trick yourself for a season or two into thinking that stuff will make you happy, but in the end, the emptiness that is inside you can only be filled by the love of people, and it starts by loving yourself. NoRegrets happen when you combine your thoughts of the past with your perceptions of their outcomes.  It would help if you tried something else.  If you only would have gone sooner.  I should have known what would happen.  All of these regretful thoughts do nothing to change the past. They only muddy up the waters of today, making tomorrow more difficult to get to.  Leave regrets in the past, enjoy today, and hope for the best tomorrow possible.

I Regret nothing. I learn, and I live.

“We all do things we desperately wish we could undo. Those regrets just become part of who we are, along with everything else. To spend time trying to change that, well, it’s like chasing clouds.” – Libba Bray.

“We don’t have to be defined by the things we did or didn’t do in our past. Some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret. Maybe it’s a regret, and maybe it’s not. It’s merely something that happened. Get over it.” – Pittacus Lore.

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.” – Mercedes Lackey.

 “Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can’t build on it; it’s only good for wallowing in.” – Katherine Mansfield.

“The only things I regret, and the only things I’ll ever regret, are things I didn’t do. In the end, that’s what we mourn. The paths we didn’t take. The people we didn’t touch.” – Scott Spencer

 “Don’t live your life regretting yesterday. Live your life so tomorrow you won’t regret today.” – Catherine Pulsifer.

I made mistakes but held on to my faith……….No Regrets, No Regrets!!