Tag Archives: Relationships

22

Swimming in Deeper Water

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Deep Waters
Deep Waters

Water can be frightening; you only see the surface, and there is no way to know the depth underneath. There is also no way to know what is lurking under the surface, so water can be challenging to deal with for those who choose fear. Yet it is in the deep water that more significant movement to be yourself exists, a better chance to find out what you are made of, what is important to you—the opportunity to overcome fear and swim on your own and in your most natural and productive way. Life will continually offer you the chance to explore the deep waters around you. All you have to do is be brave enough to jump in and see what is there waiting. It could be great, and it could be terrifying. You will apply the labels of your discovery at a later time. Be afraid to jump but jump anyway. It is only in this way your authentic story will be discovered. What is waiting for you in the deep water of your adventure?

Dreams

All people have dreams of what they want to do with their life. Sometimes life gets busy, and those dreams worsen with thoughts, making them appear foggy and unclear. We think we must do in our lives, pushing the goals underneath the deep water and leaving us not remembering or recognizing these dreams anymore. It would help if you had a career to be successful. There is money to be made and roles for you to play, which are expected, often leaving no room for you to be your authentic self.

When I was a boy, I was afraid to swim. Like many people in my generation, a simple solution was employed to teach me. One day I was thrown into the deep water by a well-meaning uncle. I remember being frightened when I first went under, but then there was a calming realization that I was OK, and in that split second, I was no longer afraid. I also realized that I could swim as well. And swim, I did. The deepwater became a place I loved.

That is how it is with dreams, I think. Jump in the water and see what you can do. There is no guarantee that you will be able to swim in all deep waters, but you will no longer fear them. Knowledge is the light that shines on fear and eliminates those second-guessing, unproductive thoughts that you have in your head. Knowing what is there, lurking below the surface, provides a person with power. The only way to gain this knowledge is to experience it. Jump at your dreams. Feet first, head, sideways, or belly flop, but jump. The world needs your gifts.

Relationships

In relationships, it is the same thing. Some people find the person perfect for them right away in life, which is excellent, but the water can still get deep for all people as they grow. There will be issues of trust, acceptance, growth, and continual love that will rise. I experience that eventually, you are standing on the dock of life, looking into the deep waters of that relationship, and you are afraid of jumping in. Those waters are more profound and darker than ever if you are looking for that special connection in life and haven’t found it yet.

Sitting on the comfortable dock is easy and reassuring yourself how safe you are there. Maybe you dip your feet in the water and splash around a bit. That will tell you nothing valuable. The only way to find out is to jump in. Be prepared for the full spectrum of what you will learn. Not everyone is for you. Understanding what the deepwater others are swimming in will reveal this to you. Some people like to dive deep and see what they can find. Others want to swim along the surface. Find a partner you can love just as they are and who loves you exactly the way you swim. Deep waters reveal the truth in all things. There is no place left to hide.

Living any aspect of your life will involve finding this out,  to some degree: work, relationships, personal growth, and spiritual growth. The only way to clearly understand something is to experience it consciously and personally. Only then can you decide if that person, place, or thing resonates with you, your goals, and your dreams. Don’t fear the deep waters. Explore them. Hold your breath and dive deep into them. Open your eyes to see the wonders and dangers below the surface.

Learning about life only really takes place this way. You can try to read about it and listen to other people’s experiences. But the only way you know what you will enjoy is to give it a go and explore the deep waters in front of you. There are risks involved in every moment of every day. Not letting fear limit our explorations is one of the essential talents in life to master. It will lead you exactly where you need to go.

 

22

Things I learned From Meat Loaf

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Things I Learned Listening to Meat Loaf

meat loaf
This sage has taught many valuable life lessons

A few years ago, I was driving down the road with my best friend of forty years when the song “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad” y Meat Loaf came on the radio.

We laughed and said how stupid the song was, but then almost without our conscious choice, we were singing along loudly and we both knew all of the words to that song. Two dudes in their mid-forties who obviously had too much time on their hands as adolescents.

As we talked about the song and the message that it sends, I started to realize that there was a reason that some people of our generation (me) have a difficult time with relationships because we spent our adolescence listening to Meat Loaf, building up some quite unreal and pretty unhealthy expectations of ourselves and what we should look for in relationships.

In a different conversation with another friend I realized that I knew the words to every song on Meat Loaf’s Bat out of Hell Album. A fact that I am neither proud or ashamed of, but in awe. As I listened to each song for the first time in years, the lessons from the songs came back. These meatloaf lessons were hard-hitting and impactful. Like I was my seventh grade self again.

This is what I learned from listening to Meat Loaf when it comes to relationships. R ember, I listened to this music as an impressionable teenager and this is the top  things I learned about life from this talented musician.

***Bat Out of Hell Notes***

  • The Pyre can be burning, even on the edge of ice field and somewhere there is a tank full of time.
  • Heaven can in fact wait.
  • Long ago and far away was so much better than it is today.
  • There is no paradise by the dashboard light
two out of three aint bad
Math would tell us that two out of three is kind of bad, Unless you play baseball for a living.
  • If you have trouble with an answer, then you should sleep on it before you decide to give an answer in the morning about loving someone forever.
  •  Having promiscuous sex in a car is going to lead to a life time of regret and have you praying for the end of time so that you can escape a bad relationship. On the good side, keeping  your word is important regardless of the consequences.
  •  Being all revved up is no good if you don’t have someplace to go, especially on a Saturday night.
  • Don’tlook for gold on a sandy beach, don’t drill for oil on city streets or a ruby in a mountain of rocks they will lead you to frustration. Just play the lottery.
  • Crying icicles is worse than crying tears
  • There ain’t no Coupe de Ville at the bottom of my Crackerjack box.
  •  If you keep on telling someone you want them, you need them, but there ain’t no way you are ever gonna love them. They will eventually accept it as a pretty good deal.
  • I am in fact glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife
  • It is cold and lonely in the deep dark night, but as long as you listen to baseball you will be OK
  •  Just because it never felt so good or felt so right doesn’t mean it will end up good or right.

**** two out of three is in fact, quite bad, if you only do 66% of your work, you will flunk at school or get fired from your job, you will be seen as a failure, so Meat Loaf was wrong and Jim Steinman was not a math major or very motivated apparently.

Gratitude

Thank you Meat Loaf for all of the great life lessons you taught us on your educational and entertaining album Bat Out Of Hell, I am grateful and I am sure my whole generation is currently dealing with your relationship “advice.”

There are certain things that time will make nostalgic and music from your youth will allow you to travel to a simpler time. List n to Bat out of Hell when you have a moment, and as you uncontrollably sing along,  think about how messed up the lyrics are. You will understand suddenly why you have a problem committing in a relationship today.

THANK YOU, MEAT LOAF

21

There’s A Light

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When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

light in the darkness jonathan hilton
Are Your Ideas In the Darkness?

There are times in everyone’s life when they feel like they are all by themselves, with only their beliefs to guide them.  These times are opportunities to define your life, what your principles are, and how you will share this with the world. Will you continue to think as you always have? Or will you move in the direction of change and growth? That is a test that life likes to give us from time to time, and we must find the lesson and maintain our humanity and compassion in the process. There is no question difficult times are tough to endure but they bring with them an opportunity.  One way or another these moments will come to define your life, providing you with depth in the way you view life and your place in it.  You will have the chance to become more understanding of the plight of others in the world or you can build bitterness around your own situation.  The decision is truly yours. What light do you bring into the world?  One of illumination or destruction?

The Dark Side

walking into the darkness
Fear-based thought will lead you to the darkness.

When difficult times arrive, you may forget the soft glow of the idea you strongly believe in, you can lose your positive attitude. This experience can cause disillusion, anger, hatred, and, most of all, self-pity. Why is everyone against me? If they were real friends, they would support me no matter what. Poor me! These are natural emotions and thoughts, but that is all that they are.  We are not our thoughts or emotions. In this case, they are all caused by the actions and opinions of others.  The danger is that once you start down the path of self-pity and anger, you are in danger of staying there for a long time, if not forever.

All of these are fear-based emotions and thoughts, which can have no other destination than to make you unhappy, angry, and scared.  There is no way that you can embrace the good in something and grow if you spend all of your time, though, and effort in self-pity and anger. These emotions can become pervasive in all aspects of your life, and relationships end; you will find that you look at everything with a veil of suspicion, and it will become nearly impossible to be truly happy.  This change can be caused by any tragedy in your life, losing a job, character assassinations, the death of a loved one, or any of the significant obstacles of life.  Fortunately, this is not permanent or fatal unless you want it to be.

The Light

When you carry the light of an idea into the darkness, you will always have a choice, for

walking in the light
Thoughts and actions based on love will bring you to light no matter where you are

every adverse reaction above, there is a positive choice available to you.  This choice is the path of growth because these decisions come from love.  Compassion, understanding, kindness, and forgiveness are all examples of this type of reaction.  It is pretty easy to display these characteristics when times are good and everything is going your way, but quite a different story when facing challenges.  You get laid off from your job unexpectedly, how do you react? It would be understandable if you were angry and felt it was unfair and wished terrible things on all of those responsible, but what will that accomplish when you look at it?

You will allow the things that happened to you to define you and all of your actions.  Or you can accept that it happened and look for the positive. This optimism may be the push you needed to finally follow your dream and become a doctor or an engineer or whatever you have always wanted to do.  Difficult times and opportunities often walk hand in hand if you keep your eyes open.  Forgive those that you feel wronged you, accept what has happened, and move forward with courage. I can’t tell you for sure, but open your eyes and embrace the changes, and you may find yourself significantly happier than when you began this journey.

So if you feel like you are marching into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believe in, make that idea one that honors you and leads to a more significant light in the world. If it creates love, it will do that. If it starts with fear, it will most likely lead to misery and pain. Look for the light in the situations you face, and even the worst things can ultimately positively impact you and the world.  There is no way to change the past and what has happened. You have one hundred percent control over how you react to them.

Into the light

 

Questions

The End of The World

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If you knew the world was ending tomorrow, who would you make sure you visited today?

end of the world
The Mayans thought it was going to happen in 2012, yet here we are!

by Jonathan Hilton  Day 54

Knowing the world would end tomorrow would make me want to see a lot of people today, for a number of reasons, but I think that this question is good motivation to look at how we value people and how we let relationships drift away into indifference for a multitude of reasons.

So I am going to split the people into categories and explain the reasons for each.  One thing is for sure it would be one busy day.

Family First

First of course there would be family that I would want to see, so that I could make sure that they were ready for the impending destruction.  I would want to say thank you for all that you did in my life and that I am very grateful for the kindness and that I love them all very much, ask if there was anything I could do for them on that last day.

Each relationship in that familial web is important and I would hope that I could get to them all.  I know how much I miss the ones that are gone already, they are with me every day and I am not sure about what would happen if the world ended, but as long as I was able I would be carrying them with me.

Forgiveness
I have a clear conscience in this area

Friendship Is Important

Second I would want to visit all of the friends that I have met over the years to say good bye and reminisce about good times shared, and all of the funny memories we had, so that I could tell them how much I appreciated spending some time on this journey with them.

There are many friends from all of the different phases of my life and I guess I would have to use Skype to talk with some of them, but if I could I would talk to them.

The people I grew up with are as dear to me today as anyone, because there is a shared experience of childhood that could not be faked or manipulated.  We knew each other, both the good and the bad, and there was a support and caring there that still exists today.  My high school friends shared a different time with me, but still significant.  The ties you make as a youth are strong even if you don’t see each other on a regular basis.  They don’t break easy.

I went to two different colleges and there are two distinct groups of friends there but they are the people that I really grew up finally with and started to learn about the world.   I have nothing but smiles and great times to share just one more time before the world ends.

Then of course as an adult, there were a lot of people I met through the jobs I have had, but not a lot of them were friends, they were coworkers for the most part.  These “friendships” were clearly only for a short time and they did teach me something, but it is the past where I have found my true friends.

This One Goes Out To You

Next I would find the three people who I was ever in love with in my life.  It might be awkward because I haven’t seen any of them in years.  but I would want to tell each of them that regardless of my actions, I take responsibility for them.  They had an impact

peaceful lake
A nice peaceful place for the end of the world

on me and I have carried it with me for my entire life.  Not the bad things but the good times the memories that made me a better person. They still are making me better today.  I am grateful that we shared whatever we shared.

Forgive Everyone

Time is getting short so I would want to at least call some people I feel like there are unresolved issues with.  To tell them that I forgive them and am sorry for my part in any pain they experienced.

Life is full situations that provide you with a choice, I made some that were universally good and some that might be construed as bad for everyone.  Whenever the end does come these petty things are not going to be on my mind. I send best wishes to those who are angry and hope they find happiness before their ending.  I forgive them for anything they did to me.

Finally

That being done, if I had any time left I would go to a spot that was special to me, there are several and await the end of the world with anticipation, and not be afraid in the least bit. What good would that do? The world is ending and there isn’t anything you can do about it, might as well enjoy the spectacle.

Is there any other song appropriate for this post?

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Questions

I Celebrate What I Do Have

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Do you celebrate the things you do have?

celebrate-what-you-have Day 13 By Jon Hilton

It can be difficult in our society to really appreciate all that we do have today.  There is always another commercial that tells us what we should have, or how we should look, even though what we have and how we look is just fine.

 I think that I do currently celebrate the thing I do have, and not worry too much about the things I don’t have but it has not always been that way and it seems many other people have problems appreciating things as well.

The Culture of Want

This toy was really awesome, I used to wind it up and jump stuff, but it only made me happy until it broke.
This toy was really awesome, I used to wind it up and jump stuff, but it only made me happy until it broke.

From the time I was very young I can remember being bombarded and brainwashed with images on television which were designed to get me and my peers to desire products enough to scream until we started to get them.  From breakfast cereal made totally of sugar to toys that we couldn’t be happy without.   I was a child of the 70’s and that means that the marketing at the time was quite mild compared to today.

This was the manner in which the feeling of want was fostered in my generation.  It was built up even more as we grew older and became serious consumers. We needed to have certain things to be happy, and without those possessions happiness was going to elude us.  The biggest problem is that there is never a level where you have accumulated enough, you just see another level of consumption.

Captain Kirk was always a happy toy. Set your phasers to happiness and lets explore the galaxy!
Captain Kirk was always a happy toy. Set your phasers to happiness and lets explore the galaxy!

The young people of today are really the victims of a marketing in society which continually tells them not only what toys they need, but what clothes to wear, how their hair should look, and also what types of relationships they should desire.  The intended market is younger than you might imagine.  If you have young kids, watch television with them sometime, it is a non stop barrage of self esteem destroying marketing.

As for the adults of the world, you would think that after a while you would find a level of accumulating possessions where you would be able to sit back and say, “Wow, I have a massive amount of crap here, I am really happy.”

Yet you still do not feel happy, and corporate advertisers are happy about that, because they can start to sell you other things to fill the void and finally end your unhappiness. It is a fools journey, yet we all take it day after day.

Happiness Is Inside You All Along

happiness-comes-from-within-2I think that everyone eventually comes to the conclusion that happiness doesn’t come from things you buy.  There is always a feeling of happiness no matter how brief that accompanies buying a new thing.  Yet it also fades away quite quickly leaving you to wonder why you are not happy about the new car, Ipad, computer, or large screen television.

Real happiness can never come from things, ever. It is the lie of Madison Avenue that owning a certain product should make you feel a particular way.  No matter how many cars, houses, or electronic devices you own, if you are lacking appreciation for life on the inside there is going to be empty feelings of want and unhappiness left.

We actually put our happiness off by telling ourselves that when we own this or that then we will be able to feel happy.  When the choice to feel happy is really inside you each and every day during each and every moment.  All you have to do is notice it.

Appreciating Today

happinesswithin2Being able to celebrate what you do have is the path to happiness.  There are always going to be things that you don’t have.  Nobody can have it all.

 Yet you will always have exactly what you need at any given moment.  Appreciating what you have and the happiness that is with you right now at this second, seems to be the lightning rod that attracts more situations that make you feel this way.

  Look at the little things you have that make you happy, from the weather, to a cup of coffee in the morning. Whatever it is that makes you feel good appreciate it.  You will be surprised how many good things start showing up in your life to be appreciated.

Personally, I spent many years chasing the dream of owning all of my happiness.  Looking to the future and thinking when I get there I will be happy.  Only to find that there was always a new destination for happiness and it was always ahead of me.

 Now I think that I do appreciate the little things because they are in the here and now.  I have talked about my gratitude journal before and I mention it in passing again because I am grateful for the time each day that I spend being grateful for all that I do have. It is not magic but things seemed to clear up pretty well when I started feeling really grateful for what is in my life.  Rather than longing for, and feeling bad about what I did not have.  Or worse yet worrying about what might be taken away.

I do not know what “things” tomorrow will bring, but I do know that most likely they will be exactly what I need.  So I think I do celebrate what I do have.

 

Do you celebrate the things you do have?

You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you’ll find, you get what you need.

Motivation, People

The Stories You Provide!

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Inspiration
Inspiration comes from who we see and what we experience every day.

by Jonathan Hilton

The more I look for topics to write about and expound upon, the more my writing process comes clearly into my mind.  I write best when I have someone specifically in mind to write about, because it is like I am explaining my thoughts or emotions to them, or that I am giving them advice.  Often I know the advice would never be received directly, so I just give it on the pages of my writing.

Since these people of inspiration are all around me, they may not even know that I have been inspired by them.  I can look at almost every one of the approximately 200 articles I have written on this website and remember clearly the lesson or situation that prompted the thoughts or feelings that caused me to put it to paper.  This clearly  shows me that people do not recognize the impact that they have on others just by  living life as an example.

As we approach the new year of 2013 I am endeavoring to dig deeper into those relationships that I have had in the past to wring out the valuable experiences that I have been fortunate to experience in my lifetime.  That means that if you have ever met me than you will probably be the motivation for some piece of writing that I have done in the past or I will do over the next year or two.

writing inspirations
All things create stories in your mind, all you have to do is tell them.

I have never mentioned a name or directed a thought directly at someone because my intention is not to publicize anyone’s short comings or problems.  I simply have had experiences with people in my life that have taught me lessons from their positive actions or from their negative behavior.  Each situation has value, it is just much more fun to remember the positive, and often more valuable to recall the negative behavior some have displayed.

What this means as we head into a new year is that I am going to be writing and publishing a lot of material over the next year and when you read it, you just might see something of yourself in that writing.  I am grateful in advance for all of the experiences and looking forward to sharing them in the future.  It is definitely true that there is inspiration all around us and all we have to do is look for it, to find it.

I am planning on continually publishing articles about inspiration, but I am also going to be sharing short stories from all aspects of my youth, because they were great and they helped make me what I am today.  I can not wait to get started.

 

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