Research indicates when people are feeling physical pain, general malaise, and chronic weariness, the cause can be linked to unexpressed emotion.  As a society, and primarily as men, we don’t learn how to adequately express our feelings or even notice the message they are trying to send us.

Uncomfortable or painful experiences are often pushed to the back burner of our minds because it is more comfortable at the moment to ignore rather than deal with the feelings they cause.  Unfortunately, these feelings still exist in our lives, even if we ignore them.  Learning to process our emotions healthily will increase our physical health and well-being, spiritually and mentally.  A person can express themselves by learning how to use appropriate words and actions in reaction to their emotions.

Noticing Your Feelings

It is essential to take a moment and see the emotions you are feeling. Just because you are feeling a certain way doesn’t mean you have to act on it. It means that you need to start noticing these emotions are there. This recognition is the first step in not being overwhelmed.  We have become so adept in our society at glossing over things with distraction (gaming, computers, media entertainment) That rarely is there a moment of silence to recognize what your emotions are telling you. Take that moment and notice how you feel. Learn to express them appropriately through words and actions.

Reflecting on Emotions

Ask some simple questions.  From where is this feeling coming? Why am I feeling it now? What is this emotion trying to tell me?  Seeking honest answers will give you a clue about any underlying emotional issues hiding in the background. The more you understand your feelings, the better you can deal with life. Instinctually we don’t want to show the world that something is bothering us or we are affected by things. Inside we view it as a weakness, but the real gap comes from not understanding the message of our emotions.

Strength in Acceptance

Many situations in life do not occur from a conscious choice.  If you are dealing with death, loss of job, accident, illness, aging, or betrayal, these are complicated situations that lead us to fight back in unhealthy ways. Denial, escaping into fantasy, substance abuse, manic activity, or overstimulation can be standard ways to deal with the flood of emotions hitting you.  Until you accept a circumstance as accurate, it is impossible to deal with it in an emotionally healthy way. Taking something doesn’t mean you give up. It only means that you understand where you are and why. This action will give you power over your emotions and how to deal with them.

Using Your Power

Becoming emotionally and intellectually self-aware will allow you to create insights into situations that will make the decision-making process easier to process. This infrastructure will work in all aspects of your life because you are working from a platform of honesty.  Our feelings are there to help guide us, and when they get attention, you are proactive. You are starting to write your own story.

Here are some emotions and what they might be trying to tell you.

Bitterness- Showing you where you need to heal, where you’re still holding judgments on others, and, most importantly, yourself.

Resentment- Letting you know you live in the past and not allow the present to be as it is.

Discomfort- There is an opportunity for change right now. Pay attention to what is happening and try to do something different than you typically do.

Anger- Warning sign, which displays your passions lie. It will also show up when boundaries are crossed or when you see things in your world that you feel need to change — anger is an excellent guide to your inner workings but a poor creator of your behavior.

Disappointment- It can be hard to deal with situations that don’t work out. It shows you are above apathy and still care about people and things.  Disappointments in our past not dealt with and accepted will lead to apathy and lack of expectation.

Guilt- If you are still living in the shadow of other people’s expectations of you.  Mistakes happen, things get broken, other people are not always going to like what you do. That is their emotional baggage, not yours.  Accept responsibility for your actions, put them behind you, and move forward.

Shame- It happens when we internalize the expectations of others on how we should be or live or who we have been or have lived in the past. Time to reconnect with yourself and understand who you are and what makes you happy.

Anxiety- This is a feeling that stems from fear — usually fear of the past or fear of the future.  You need to come into the present moment and let the past be the past and the coming fall where it will.  Anxiety is a clear guidepost to get into the present moment. Identify the thought that is leading to a feeling of dread.

Sadness- There is a depth of feeling that brings on sadness. Sadness will display when we look at the world and care deeply about others their circumstances and situations.  Ask what is making you sad?

Whatever your emotions are today, seeking to understand how they affect you is a move toward empowerment.  No matter what you do, your feelings will exist and continue to touch you. Either you can allow them to control your life, or you can use them to determine what they are guiding you toward.

“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” -Daniel Goleman.

“75 percent of careers are derailed for reasons related to emotional competencies, including the inability to handle interpersonal problems, unsatisfactory team leadership during times of difficulty or conflict, or inability to adapt to change or elicit trust.”  -Center for Creative Leadership.

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion.” -Dale Carnegie.

“When our emotional health is in a bad state, so is our level of self-esteem. We have to slow down and deal with what is troubling us so that we can enjoy the simple joy of being happy and at peace with ourselves.” -Jess C. Scott. 

“The only way to change someone’s mind is to connect with them from the heart.” 
-Rasheed Ogunlaru

“No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”
 -Theodore Roosevelt

“Unleash in the right time and place before you explode at the wrong time and place.” -Oli Anderson.