This human experience can be confusing. As we try to figure out where we fit in, something changes, and we are left looking for a new equation that will lead to our success, acceptance, and happiness. But we spend time choosing and creating narrow attachments and expectations for the outcomes. If something doesn’t work out just like we think it should, that is bad, and we choose to be unhappy. When I let go of how I think the world should be and accept it, I can also find the good in each moment.
Suffering
Life is going to bring its share of challenges. No person will live for an extended period, having everything go just perfectly. If they did, there would be no opportunity for personal growth or self-development. You would be stagnant, just as you were. It w, and it is like continually being a child with no developing maturity. Suffering comes from the thought that what is happening in your life is not as you think it should be. Something is wrong and needs to be fixed. This can result from any challenge which shakes your reality.
It can be a relatively minor thing, like an annoying co-worker, to a big something like a loved one’s death. The idea you need to fix things because they are wrong will lead you to fear, worry, insecurity, resentment, criticism of others, criticism of yourself, tensions, stress, and all things which lead to dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
What if you didn’t do that?
The alternative is to open your mind and develop a broader vision of life and the things it brings your way. Perhaps the experience you are having, no matter how unsavory or harmful, is precisely what is best for you now. You don’t have to like it, but not wanting something won’t make it go away. Dealing with the present moment will allow you to become better.
Living in the present moment, not worrying about what the future will be, or regretting the past, will allow you to make choices that honor the present and see where true fulfillment comes from. It isn’t attached to the events swirling around your life. A “good thing” here makes you happy. A “bad thing” makes you unhappy. Realizing they are all just things to which you give meaning through your mental conditioning, expectations, and attachments.
Your Power
This doesn’t mean you accept someone treating you poorly; when this occurs, you don’t take it personally as an indictment of your value and see it as a clear issue of the person mistreating you. A loved one’s death is a sad occasion, but feeling bad won’t bring anyone back to life; the reality of the situation is what it is. How you deal with it, move on from it, and see your gratitude for the departed person’s influence on your life will allow you to grow and develop your power despite the loss.
Shift of Perspective
It is not an easy shift, moving your perspective from one of the ego-defined expectations to source-centered acceptance. If a life of fulfillment is your ultimate goal, then some movement in this direction is warranted. It will allow you to not drift to and from happiness to sadness based on the things occurring outside of you. Living like this gives all the power to those things. Never knowing from moment to moment if you will have the rug pulled out from underneath you or not.
Learning to see events as things outside of you and not letting them define your happiness is a rare power. Not identifying with our conditioned expectations, we can approach all situations with an open mind and heart. This will bring on feelings of acceptance, well-being, and ease about the events of your life. They are things that happen, not defining points of your character. In this understanding and practice, one will probably realize that life is, in fact, OK, just as it is. What if our most feared moments are just opportunities to grow?
“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness, and it took me years to understand that this was a gift.”― Mary Oliver.
All experiences in life are an opportunity for growth and learning. The person you are today has been built brick by brick from the things you have gone through, both good and bad. Those things that were not so enjoyable or were extremely painful are often considered darkness, and the darkness that comes into our lives can be challenging to get rid of even many years later. Unfortunately, as we are going through these dark times, there is no natural way to gauge the benefits of coming down the road, but that doesn’t make the value any less tangible. What makes a situation dark? Is it something that another has done to us? Or is it our weakness and inability to say goodbye and move on?
Darkness Teaches Lessons
Love is a challenging game, and most of us start playing at a very young age. As we try to figure out the protocol rules, we are living our lives. Love brings extreme bursts of hormones and emotions that cause us to bond; eventually, those bonds become part of us. W en they are broken or taken away, it can be excruciating. T e dark box is the ending of a relationship and the pain that arrives in your life with it. There is sage advice that time will heal all wounds, and that is true, but the scars will remain and lessons learned last.
These lessons become the legacy of your experience, and in the end, after you have hurt, cried, and healed, there is the experience, and either consciously or subconsciously or both, you are going to use that experience as a guide for future decisions in affairs of the heart. You will make future decisions out of love if the lesson is positive. I you choose to be bitter and feel sorry for yourself and be afraid of being hurt, problems will arise in all the relationships you try to engage in.
How many people suffer this way, unable to establish a relationship today because of the past pain and not wanting to go through it again? To use the darkness as a gift is to open your heart and be aware that it can be broken, but use the past lessons to take more intelligent risks. But take risks, live your life, and love. Let the darkness be a guide to what you want in life.
Darkness Exposes Light
The dark box is a gift because it is easier to see the light when you have dark. I stand out, and you can recognize the difference. F om the darkness in that box, we can learn to experience the light of life with more zeal and enjoyment. W en you are in the moment of love, enjoy it. I may last forever, or it may end tomorrow. There is no guarantee. Be mindful of the moment and make that time the best it can be.
Wisdom isn’t gained by having a perfect life and making sound decisions. It is usually built through the painful teachings of bad decisions and questionable choices. It doesn’t come easy because easy experiences are quickly forgotten. Painful lessons last a lifetime. Evaluating a dark time and coming away with a plus is the beginning of wisdom. Applying that lesson to future endeavors is putting it into action and making that knowledge a part of your life.
Take your box of dark and explore it all. S e it for what it is, a broken heart, a broken promise, a significant loss. T y not to see it as a personal condemnation of you or punishment but as a valuable tool to help transcend your life. T gift is that you may ultimately learn how to live totally in the light led by the dark that you have experienced.
Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift. ~Mary Oliver
The Dark gifts I have been given have left me thinking my light will go out forever. But when I look at my life now………..
One of the experiences the recent pandemic has given us all is suffering. Suffering is one of the experiences of being human, and it has the potential to shape our lives significantly. Pain can be a negative influence forcing us to avoid dealing with painful things. They don’t disappear; they hang around inside us, often growing in power and influence throughout our lives. Some instances occurred when you were a child, something someone said that harmed you, or a situation that made you feel pain and suffering. We learn to push these things aside rather than deal with them. They do not push aside; they follow us continually until you finally deal with them. The unhappiest people have more of these entities of past suffering following them than others.
But it can all change with a bit of self-honesty to recognize where these situations came from and take away their power. Suffering will disappear like a ghost when they are illuminated by honesty. Painful life experiences are meant to teach and lead to growth, not make us meek or angry or less than we are. It is up to you to decide when to face it, shine a light on it, and let the negative energy of emotional pain from your past go. Once you do, you create room for new positive experiences.
Awareness of Your Suffering
Your relationships will improve and become more durable if you learn to communicate your pain to those you care about in life. How else could they possibly know what you are going through? If you feel angry because your life has been turned upside down, your freedom is limited, and you can’t do what you have always done. Talk about it. It is through understanding and dealing with our suffering. We can then understand the suffering of others and how to lessen it.
Your ability to show compassion and understanding will strengthen your relationships. Think of the opportunity you have lost if you deny your suffering; you will lack the tools to be genuinely empathetic and compassionate toward others. In every relationship you have, have ever had, or ever will have, take open and honest communication to be healthy.
Compassion for Others
Once you have honestly understood and communicated your suffering, it loses its power over you and gives you an understanding of how others are suffering in their lives as well. Not only do you understand, but you have compassion for their issues. All suffering brings pain and knowing the pain in yourself is understanding how another feels dealing with it.
Finding these things out is as simple as noticing when they occur and tracing the thoughts back to their source. What is the situation that led to you feeling this way? Crowds of people make me nervous, and I am working on this. I notice the feelings of anxiety, see what causes it, and then look back on life and seek other times I felt the same. Connect the dots of similarity in these events, and then you have the common denominator.
Take some time when the pain arises to experience it and observe what it is. Please don’t close the door on it and push it away from your consciousness. That is how it gains power over you and becomes an almost automatic response to situations in your life. Some pain within you allows it to enter your life. Resolve that pain, and you let those painful things go. When we experience pain for so long, it is difficult not to identify with it. For me, I’m not too fond of crowds, which isn’t true. I don’t particularly appreciate how being in groups of people makes me feel. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Conscious Thought
Once you have noticed where your suffering comes from, then it is up to you to shine a light on it and not let it hide back into the background of your thoughts. It is simple to make the pain recede from your mind as just a part of life. Until it returns with more power, we want to deal with unresolved things but sometimes don’t realize we can do anything about them. But we do, and the best thing is to deal with them with our conscious attention.
Allowing your thoughts to stay with the suffering and where it came from, who it came from is an enlightening experience. The initial pain could be caused by something serious, like the death of a loved one, but not very often because those things are apparent, and most people understand that sadness and pain revolve around those events. It is OK to have emotions, and most are resolved in the natural way of things. It is the small hurts that we shouldn’t let bother us. Those are the things we have problems dealing with in our challenges. We are told to “be tough” and not express emotions. Emotions are our natural way to understand ourselves, and to repress them only gives situations power over you. Notice these things that cause you pain, and stay with them, experience them once and for all, and you will sever the ties of control they have over you. Conscious thought is the light you shine on the darkness of your suffering.
End of the Suffering
Once you have exposed the suffering and held it in your conscious mind, it is easy to see where it comes from in life. Was it a thought expressed long ago by a teacher? A parent? A classmate? A sibling? Whoever it was, many of these things have no real relevance in your life as an older adult and dealing with them head-on removes them and the suffering from your life.
An example would be that someone said something negative to you in the 7th grade, and you chose to allow that thing to be relevant to you. It continued to travel with you in the form of suffering because you never dealt with it. Now here you are many years later, still letting that negative situation exist.
Take a moment and document your causes of suffering. What causes you pain in life? Do you require drama in your relationships? When do you suffer anger or irritation to someone or something? What sets you off? Do you ever desire to cause pain to others? Notice all negative or undesirable moods you have and find the thoughts you associate with them. Most often, that will lead you up the path to the creation of these emotions. Creating a conscious thought about these things reveals that you are no longer there at the beginning when something happened to cause you pain. You can let it go and live your life free of that suffering.
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi
“Suffering has been stronger than all other teachings and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” ― Charles Dickens
“Do you not see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?” ― John Keats
Life gives us all a daily fill of experiences. Some are fun, interesting, and naturally rewarding, while others are boring, difficult, and even painful. All of our experiences combine to create who we are, or better said, they make the thoughts that tell us who we are.
Sometimes we make assumptions about ourselves and the world around us that are inaccurate. These false ideas are based on our lives and the pain, suffering, joy, or enjoyment we have experienced throughout our lives. We have the ability at any time to permit ourselves to open our minds to the possibility that there are many positive things for us to find in our future lives. When you feel you need a change in life, permit yourself to move into a more favorable situation. In short, change your perception of yourself and your abilities, which will improve the experience you have in your life. It sounds simple, but let’s look at how this will work and what it will look like in the future.
Letting Go- Moving On
Too often in life, we find ourselves in desperate need of change, but we are unwilling to take action or let go of the past. Things may be quite comfortable where you are, and it seems like it would be crazy to change from the secure cocoon of your environment. You know you need change when you start to have some tentative feelings, which you know whatever it is will be right for you. Perhaps you spend a lot of time regretting never saying or doing certain things. Or feeling the fear of change but still wanting to do it anyway. Look inside of yourself and listen to the guidance you have.
The past is great, it creates learning experiences, and we have positive and negative ones based on the amount of suffering connected to them. Too many lives get to a certain point in a career or a family where they feel there are no new options or that the way things are in the way, they will always be. I would argue that things are never going to be as they ever were. You can be a catalyst for change, or you can be the victim of it. Permit yourself to let go of what was, good or bad, and move forward with what you want to become. At this time, you are ready to learn something new and remind yourself exactly who you are. You have way more input into that than you realize. You can permit yourself to let go and move forward any time you choose.
Learn and Grow
Permitting yourself to change, move forward, or, more accurately, grow into the person you are is empowering. Change is happening all the time, and giving yourself permission to learn and grow, gives you a chance to create a future orientation around your thoughts. No matter where you find yourself right now, the opportunity exists to learn and grow from here into whatever type of person you want to be. Then you can move forward with a statement of what exactly you want to experience and feel in your life.
As your mind expands and the thoughts you create become more forward-thinking, you introduce a potential of what a life can be and mean to you. You have the opportunity to become whatever type of person you want to be. It all starts with permitting yourself to do so, allowing yourself to begin engaging your competency in thought and actions, and being creative with it. Your expansion of possibilities outside of the accepted norms you have been bound by up until now. You have permission to learn and grow any time you want to claim it.
Give Permission for What You Want
There are no natural limits to what you can permit yourself to go after. Whether you get what you want will be up to a combination of your persistence, talent, and heart, but knowing you deserve whatever it is you want should never be a debate. Permit yourself to change to a better version of yourself. It may be the bravery you seek in life to do the things you haven’t dared. It may be the strength you need to maintain your efforts over time. It may be honesty you would like more of in your world to be more truthful in all situations. Perhaps it is defensive actions you would like to use to protect yourself from the slings and arrows of the mean people in the world. Whatever it is you need, permit yourself to have it.
Most of us have been permitting ourselves to feel wrong about some aspect of our lives. It is just as easy to permit yourself to have and enjoy whatever you want to have. It will excite the bravery inside you and allow you to perform at your highest level of power. Permitting yourself to acknowledge your accomplishments, large and small, will build your confidence and enable you to achieve whatever goals you have. Give yourself permission to feel good and be the best person you possibly can be.
“We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone, and as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”-Marianne Williamson
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”-Mahatma Gandhi
“Nature doesn’t ask your permission; it doesn’t care about your wishes or whether you like its laws or not. You’re obliged to accept it as it is, and consequently all its results as well.”-Fyodor Dostoevsky.
There are two sides to every coin, and in my life, I have found joy on one side and suffering on the other. The pain appears as the worst of things to experience in life and should be avoided at all costs.
Although I agree it is something that is not pleasant, it provides a necessary function for people. I wish things were always easy, and there was nothing but joy in my experience, but life offers difficult obstacles for each of us to overcome. How we think about our experience will bring us suffering or lessons. Pain is a choice of how we feel about each situation we are in life. It is a natural and inevitable part of life. We will have catastrophic loss and sadness in our lives. How we deal with it will define much of who we are and how successfully we live our lives. Your suffering is a choice and one I have made all too often.
Crutches of Life
Crutches are everywhere in life. These are things in our experience that limit us in one way or another. Some fall prey to wild pleasures and excesses in life, which distract you from your purpose and determine what can be accomplished. Others find jobs that are just enough above water to be acceptable but will never allow you to grow into the person you could be. All crutches of the world we adopt to “help” get us through life will cause suffering and move us further from ourselves. Life can seem like a prison if we let it. Keeping us confined to a particular place and set of circumstances. This limit is only the case if you choose to allow it. Or you can choose to be free in your actions and your mind.
Limiting my options is a game I played from early on. Allowing others to put their labels on me and the corresponding limits from the earliest moments in life. “You just aren’t athletic.” “That’s nice, but you will never make a living from it.” “You just aren’t very book smart.” Or one of a million other limiting statements I accepted as crutches and eventually even stopped questioning. Any belief that I have allowed to limit me in any way needed to be reevaluated and changed, even in a small way, because these are the chains that life has put on you, and you won’t eliminate the suffering they cause until you change them.
This reaction is a choice, and it isn’t as difficult as most would have you believe. Change is a constant and inevitable part of life, and you can fight against it or learn to choose to move with it. Ending this limiting suffering is a race between your mental capacities and your biological limitations. Some will win, and some will not. Which side will you be on?
Becoming Your True Self
All people are born with a purpose in life. All of those intentions are positive, and there is some message to bring or a goal to accomplish before our time is done. Unfortunately, we are almost immediately piled with expectations and experiences that push us further from that mission. The programming we receive is mainly in the name of love but delivered in the voice of fear. Parents generally want the best for their children, but often their idea of precisely what the “Best” means can make your choices seem “worst,” even if you are following your heart. Chasing your dreams is your life; nobody else’s.
The suffering that this can cause is lifelong and painful. With each step, a person takes in the direction of someone else’s expectations the further they get from their true self, and soon that person you were born is hidden behind a lot of trees and weeds. It can be challenging to find your way back. The further you have moved from your true essence, the higher the suffering is going to be. It seems like the journey back to who you are is never too far to reach or too late to start looking. The limits we accept are the ones that will affect us. So begin today looking for what message you were born to send and what gift you have to give.
Loss and Suffering
To live life and love others opens you up for the loss, which leads to suffering. If you have lost someone close to you, you know this kind of pain is a painful experience nobody wants to have. But life is a tenuous experience with no guarantees. We never know when the ride will be over should. It is easy to get lost in the routines of the days and take things for granted. Each day is a gift. Open it! Be motivated to do what you want to do, be with those that make you happy, and enjoy every moment.
Not only are the days a gift, but you should take the time to look at the beauty of your day. All the people in our lives are precious too. It is human nature to take things for granted, only realizing how consequential or special someone was when they had left us. Then we mourn the loss. Which is natural, but there is an opportunity every day to celebrate all those in your life, contributing to the experience of living life. It is a short ride, this life, and it makes no sense to spend the bulk of it in misery when you don’t have to. Spend it in appreciation of the magic that is you and your unique presence.
Emotional Rescue
We will all have emotions that bring us down. Anger and fear are natural reactions to life when you start to look at things from the perspective of, “What am I getting out of this?” Then you have to learn to deal with it and either let it consume you or change your thoughts, emotions, and actions to something more positive. I know it sounds natural, and when you feel anger or fear, it isn’t too easy to change. But YOU can modify it by looking at the thoughts causing your suffering and changing them to something else.
Find something or someone who brings out the positive in you. It seems like much of our suffering comes from our feelings of inadequacy, and to change means doing something more worthwhile. Learn what your emotions are telling you and how to change them from negative to positive for you, and you will find a tool to help you end some daily pain nobody needs to deal with in life.
Suffering is a message in life that we are attached to something temporary in a permanent way. Nothing in life is stable, and that is what makes it unique. So the choice is up to you in the end as it always is, spend your time suffering or spend your time in joy. It is all up to you.
“Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but the greatness of mind.” Aristotle
“The reward of suffering is experience.” –Harry S Truman
“Suffering by nature or chance never seems so painful as suffering inflicted on us by the arbitrary will of another.”- Arthur Schopenhauer
“Suffering is but another name for the teaching of experience, which is the parent of instruction and the schoolmaster of life.” Horace
“Suffering is the substance of life and the root of personality, for it is only suffering that makes us persons.” – Miguel de Unamuno
It was pointed out to me today there is a slight misconception about my perspective of life. I write about my philosophy, which is one of self-improvement. Some seem to miss life is full of challenges that cause suffering in my experience virtually every day. In the past, I had fewer tools in my toolbox to deal with them, but I have dedicated myself over the past ten years to become better at handling these learning moments and being able to have a more productive and enjoyable life. To be clear, I am not happy all the time. In fact, over the past year, I would suggest there was a lot more “unhappy” in my emotional vault. But the hope is that I am not stuck with the suffering. I can overcome it, learn a lesson, and become a better person because of it. You can make conscious choices, which will allow you to find meaning in life and even enjoy the process if you open your mind to them. These are the processes I am writing about, not a “pie in the sky” ode to unconditional happiness. Here is what I have learned.
I am Responsible
Every person in the world makes a thousand decisions during each day we live. We decide everything from which clothes to wear to treating a rude person we stand in line next to at the bank. My life is no different. I make many decisions and try to make them with honesty and integrity at each moment. I don’t always make the best choices. Sometimes I eat things I shouldn’t. Sometimes I say the wrong something at the wrong time. There are even days I run a red light if nobody is around. But the one thing I always am is responsible for my choices in every way.
If I am not reaching my body weight goals because I choose to eat things not healthy for me, it is because of my poor decision. I can’t blame the food or the time of day I felt weak. Or the fact that I was feeling down because something negative occurred. No, I alone am responsible for the choices and have to accept the consequences. It is my responsibility, even if my favorites don’t bring the most desirable results. Sadness, regret, worry, anger, and other negative emotions are a part of life. But I think many don’t read here that it is your most important choice of how you choose to deal with them. You can allow them to make you bitter and angry, or you can want to learn, develop, and become a better person. I hope that the better person is the result of my suffering.
We are Not Supposed to Be Anything
The idea we are supposed to be happy all the time is unrealistic for anyone. Some may think we are supposed to feel joy and wonder about our situations, but that isn’t realistic. I have written many times that happiness is a choice, and I believe it is, but that doesn’t mean you walk around with blinders to the weak treatment others send your way or the poor feelings about yourself and the job you lost, or the disappointment you feel. I know there is no “right” way to feel at any moment.
We are not supposed to be happy, joyous, intelligent, winning, sad, disappointed, or angry. All people will, at some point, have to deal with all of these emotions, and they will do to you what you allow them to do. The thing is that how you choose to deal with them is your personal choice, and I have had to do this continually throughout my life. Do I get bitter because someone was dishonest with me? Do I carry a hatred inside for someone who has harmed me? It would be easy to do sometimes, but it wouldn’t represent the kind of person I strive to be. That is why I write about things like the power of forgiveness, how fear affects us, guilt, and dealing with our emotions. Not to discount the negative things we all deal with but to provide a path for hope for something better. It is a choice we all make for ourselves every day. There is nothing you have to be to be healthy. Just be yourself.
Darkness Walks with Light
I have thought of the events the past year has brought over and over again. It amazes me to see the balance of dark and light in my life. If you look at the people who have entered my life, left my life, and just influenced me, there is a positive balance between light, which was enjoyable, and darkness, which, of course, was not. Moments of joy, wonder, understanding, caring, and love found a check from equal moments of pain, disappointment, fear, anger, and disillusionment. It makes you wonder if the light is worth it that maybe we should live in a shady area in between where there are no great things but no horrible things either.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t work without contrast. Darkness provides a method of accomplishment; light never could. My experience with night has driven me to seek harder for the light and accomplish what before would have been impossible. The sun makes you get comfortable, like a beautiful warm blanket. It envelopes you and makes you never change. Change is inevitable and constant, so those things don’t go together. I had to learn to lift the blanket, forget the warmth, and dive into the cold of the darkness. This challenge is not something I write about often because the real lesson isn’t to embrace the difficult but to keep moving forward and maintain a sense of hope for the future. Find dignity in life despite things not being comfortable. The desire is there is more light in your future, and positive choices at this moment might help bring that about.
Being My Best
In the final analysis, I look at the idea that writing about being at peace and understanding that there is happiness in life available all the time is not a weakness or, worse unrealistic. A person can choose to look at their circumstances and see the problems. They can also look at the general state of chaos in the world and feel a sense of despair. But what will all that negativity in the costume of reality bring you? I am not powerful enough a person to solve all of the world’s problems, or even to make anyone else’s life better if they choose not to want that but………. I can make some other choices.
There are small things I can do every day to make my little part of the world better. Make simple choices to treat people with respect, kindness, and caring in day-to-day interactions. To try not to put any difficulty on people that have value to you. I strive to become the best person and succeed in life, equal to my talent and ability. To raise and fall in life and on the journey to my destiny to experience happiness. Joy is a choice I am making, proudly and thoroughly, and I hope that the great people I know have the strength to feel pleasure.
“Suffering is part of our training program for becoming wise.” ~Ram Dass
“Suffering by nature or chance never seems so painful as suffering inflicted on us by the arbitrary will of another.” Arthur Schopenhauer
“Suffering is but another name for the teaching of experience, which is the parent of instruction and the schoolmaster of life. “Horace
“Suffering is the substance of life and the root of personality, for it is only suffering that makes us persons.” Miguel de Unamuno
“Suffering is a corrective to point out a lesson which by other means we have failed to grasp, and never can it be eradicated until that lesson is learnt.” Edward Bach
“It is by suffering that human beings become angels.” Victor Hugo
“Suffering is the positive element in this world. Indeed it is the only link between this world and the positive.” Franz Kafka
“It’s at the borders of pain and suffering that the men are separated from the boys.” Emil Zatopek
“When suffering comes, we yearn for some sign from God, forgetting we have just had one. “Mignon McLaughlin
There is nothing I enjoy more than encouraging others. I have been through enough to know life is not all sunshine and rainbows at this stage of my life, but I have experienced enough to know that you can still be happy regardless. In my interactions with others daily, I often find myself counseling people to relax and let life work itself out. This is, of course, very difficult to do because we have been conditioned from birth to make things happen. To be the captain of our destinies. But the older I get, the more I understand how very little I actually know. Life is much smarter than you and me. Here are a few observations that life has taught me; some lessons are easy, and I have learned the hardest of ways. Suffering is a great teacher and a constant companion of all of us.
The Value of Suffering
As a human being living on the planet, I want to help people avoid suffering, but I have come to realize that sometimes challenges are necessary for people to go through to rise to their highest level. You can’t stop them even if you tried. Suffering is a part of the game of life. We are either in a crisis, coming out of crisis, or heading toward a crisis. The times in between allow us to reflect, but don’t wait too long; another situation is coming your way.
I challenge you to do it, find someone in the middle of some drama, sit with them and offer your heartfelt advice. Then sit back and watch as they do what they want to do. Your advice may have been perfect and thoughtful, tempered by love and experience. Still, an indisputable part of human development is learning many valuable lessons from trial and error. It is our right to make errors, so don’t judge too harshly the errors of others because we have all been there. (And probably will be again) The strongest steel has to face the greatest fire. I know it isn’t personal when your advice is ignored completely.
Pressure to Be Perfect
Young people are particularly prone to this. They feel the pressure of having a perfect education to get a perfect job and start down the perfect path of life. Even though there is no perfect education, job, or path, they soldier on with blinders on, stressing over every step.
Read some blogs. It won’t take long to hear the stress and angst coming as the pitfalls in the path are revealed and the worry that life might not be easy, no matter what you do, is the cause of most of it.
It is not very often that we look at ourselves and see the perfect parts. Each of us has attractive and unique things about us, but we tend to focus on the “ugly” parts or the imperfections. People one day realize that their imperfections can be a strength if we only recognize them. Perfection is boring anyway. Be the beautiful, imperfect person that you are and be great at it.
Enjoy the ride
When a person faces a challenge that you have been through, it is like watching a movie that you know the end of by heart. You want to tell them to relax. It will all work out in the end! These things are going to keep happening. Nothing goes as planned, and life challenges you and everyone else. It will be OK in the end if you don’t let the lessons defeat you. The peculiar thing is that just like when I was that age, it falls on deaf ears. Worrying about your rent, job, relationship, family, or whatever else provides a false sense of control. Some never stop. As they age, they keep on worrying and trying to control themselves. Wondering why things never change for them. Let people be who they are and do what they need to do.
The obvious fact is that you have about as much control over 99% of what happens in life as the flea riding on the back of a buffalo. All the worry, the planning, the fear that has been driving you is all for naught. Stuff is still going to happen you don’t like. You would be better served to enjoy the ride and see where it takes you. You will make choices and take action but be less attached to the results. They are mostly out of your hands. The attachment will only cause suffering because you have built a preconceived idea about how things should turn out. Let them turn out as they should. There will be a pain, but less than hanging on to circumstances which no longer serve you.
When you Appreciate the Ride
Great news, though. If you learn to ride the waves of life, you will find that most often, you will get what you need to be happy. All you have to do is appreciate your experiences and learn the lessons they teach you. Nobody is guaranteed tomorrow anyway. All there is in life is today. I once tried to explain this philosophy to someone, and they said, “Jonathan, you make it sound so simple.”
I thought about that a lot because I am not at the end of this game, and I am not sure what will happen yet. Someone in their 60’s probably looks at me the same way. The difference is I hope I would listen to the voice of experience. Or at least I think I would. But I would probably feel like I know it all, and those other experiences don’t have anything to do with me.
Life is unpredictable
Learn how to ride the unpredictable waves of life!
One of the best things about life is that you don’t know what is coming next, how life will play out for you. All you can be sure of is that there will be a lot of things happening to you. Some will be enjoyable and pleasant; some will be neither enjoyable nor pleasant. Your reward for playing and riding it out is to become a better player and a stronger person.
Prepare as best you can for life and learn how to manage a change in temperature, direction, or the cast you are working with. Change is inevitable and constant, and the best we can do is accept it and enjoy the fact that nothing stays the same. Even when we wish it would. People will leave. People will let you down. Appreciate the good things.
Here for A purpose
Challenges are necessary for growth, and we would never evolve into anything worthwhile if we just sat on the couch all day getting whatever we wanted. You are here for a purpose, and playing this game will show you what that is if you let it. An easy life is not a good life, and it is just easy. That is true whether you choose to listen or not. It really doesn’t matter in the end if you win or lose, but how you played the game of life. How have you played the game? If you were in a room full of all the people who had ever met you, would they cheer, boo, walk out, or attack you? The answer to that question will probably define how you have treated others.
This human experience can be confusing. As we try to figure out where we fit in, something changes, and we are left looking for a new equation that will lead to our success, acceptance, and happiness. But we spend time choosing and creating narrow attachments and expectations for the outcomes. If something doesn’t work out just like we think it should, that is bad, and we choose to be unhappy. When I let go of how I think the world should be and accept it, I can also find the good in each moment.
would be stagnant, just as you were. It w, and it is like continually being a child with no developing maturity. Suffering comes from the thought that what is happening in your life is not as you think it should be. Something is wrong and needs to be fixed. This can result from any challenge which shakes your reality.
have to like it, but not wanting something won’t make it go away. Dealing with the present moment will allow you to become better.
