Tag Archives: who you are

22

Being Outside the Norm

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Outliers- a person or thing differing from all other members of a particular group or set.

You were born an original, don’t be a copy.

I have always been an outlier in my life, a person who is different from everyone else. This observation isn’t to say I am any better or worse than anyone else, I just am myself, and that person seems to not quite fit into the molds others so quickly pour themselves into. I have felt something wrong with me for a long time, a shortcoming of intellect or the things I enjoy.  Some people look at my differences and see a weakness that needs to be fixed so I can fit into their ideas of “normal” and find their version of happiness and safety. That would be a crime.  My greatest strength and most valuable commodity are that I am an outlier, and I see the world differently than everybody else. I don’t ask anyone to think like me, speak like me or act like me. I ask only for my true self to be on full display, which differentiates me from others and is my value.

Thoughts of an Outlier

The older I get, the more I learn, and the more I understand, the less I know. But there are a few nuggets of knowledge this outlier has found to be accurate and helpful.  We are all in control of a large part of the reality we experience, and it is done through the beliefs we carry around in our subconscious minds.  What we believe about ourselves and life tells us precisely what types of things we will accept from others and what we expect from the experience. The level of success you will reach and the value you see in yourself are all dictated inside of you.

You can change your programming through a consistent effort of conscious thought and action in your life. It begins by examining how you talk to yourself and noticing what you say to yourself. If you are critical, cruel, judgmental, or unaccepting of who you are on the inside, what chance do you have in the outside world of finding success?  Reworking the inner dialogues, you listen to and your beliefs about yourself will take work but will lead to a version of yourself that can accomplish almost any goal. This outlier believes we are in total control of what we ultimately experience. If it doesn’t make any sense, you have to accept responsibility for whatever it is and change your thoughts and expectations about who you are.

Actions of an Outlier

Actions are the things we do. I have developed a list of things I like to do and experience.  I enjoy time by myself, writing, learning, and thinking about life. But I have found my favorite thing is to have an honest conversation with someone about the things in life, I guess.  Not a debate but a discussion about the validity of my thoughts, where they are weak, where they are stable, and where they are in between. Finding a partner as an intellectual equal is a gold mine of creative juice and thought provocation.

I also think as an outlier. I enjoy creating adventures in close-by places and spending time with another who wants the small things in life. A good meal, a beautiful natural spot, a movie, a concert, time spent just quietly together talking about our hopes and dreams. Finding these adventures in life has been a great find and one I think is unique to me. It seems like people are looking for other things that are more complicated or refuse to see the joy that can come from sharing small thoughts, a stop for ice cream, or hiking a mountain. I know people who look at me, the outlier, as if I am crazy because I am not like them.  I look at them and feel sorry for them, understanding they are limited by their vision and expectation.

Company for an Outlier

Just being an outlier, by definition, is going to involve some lonely moments. You are not like the whole group, and although I am OK with the way it is, there are moments when you wish there were more companies. When a company comes, it is delightful and painful to realize the potential fellow outlier was a fake—just stopping by to see how you lived because it looked interesting.  But then they retreat into the comfort of society.

You have no choice here because you are what you are, even if the person judging you is someone you care about.  The judgment is like all others, a reflection of themselves, not of you. They must live with that, and you have to be true to yourself and be the best person you can be.  This outlier believes in honest and open communication. If I do something, I am going to explain why. That is the responsible thing to do if you care about someone. Anything else reveals a character flaw that will negatively affect your life until you rectify it.  I have carried many mistakes out into the edges of my existence, allowing them to change me.

Become an Outlier

I will encourage you to find your path in the world that is different from those walked by any others.  I know people who pay verbal homage to this idea but in action don’t follow through; their lives are empty and lost. They wish they had the strength to become a real outlier, but the leash of their programming has them caught entirely in their little lives. No matter how big their dreams are, they will never take the steps necessary to achieve them because, deep down, they think being an outlier is too dangerous and wrong.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Thinking differently, and acting uniquely like yourself is the most critical decision you can make. Finding your style can be hard to do and open you up to the judgment of others, but that is where greatness comes from and a real contribution to the world.  Become an outlier today and be yourself; you are the only person you can be.  It will start with being more conscious of the thoughts you think, the words you speak, and your actions.  Look around and see just how far from the group you have strayed and know that it is precisely where you need to be, an outlier. I am the outlier.

“Achievement is talent plus preparation. The problem with this view is that the closer psychologists look at the careers of the gifted, the smaller the role innate talent seems to play, and the bigger the role preparation seems to play.”

“Hard work is a prison sentence only if it does not have meaning. Once it does, it becomes the kind of thing that makes you grab your wife around the waist and dance a jig.”

“Hard work is only a prison sentence when you lack motivation.”

“Practice isn’t the thing you do once you’re good. It’s the thing you do that makes you good.”

 

20

Not Holding On

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Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of?047882355_6_xlarge

I think that no matter how far along you have come in life, there are always some things that have stuck with you, and even though you think that you have let go of it, you really haven’t.

To be happy in life and to really enjoy the experiences that I am blessed with every day, there is a constant letting go of perceived slights, whether big or small, from others. Forgive the people, let the act go, and release the negative from your life.

Today I am thinking about the process of how I let things go and what experiences I have to let drift into the ether and cease to be a problem for me. It is easy to say but difficult to do when your emotions become involved, and your thoughts make you perceive someone’s actions as a personal slight.  Letting go and forgiving is hard. Be fearless in your forgiveness. It reflects well on you.  Other people’s poor behavior is their problem.

Forgiving and Letting Go

There is a freedom that comes from truly forgiving someone for hurting you. It doesn’t mean that you condone what they did, like it, or ever want to see it repeated. It simply means that you will no longer let whatever someone else did have any power over you. 

forgive It sounds trivial and overly simple, but it is just that.  Just because it is simple doesn’t mean it is easy.  I know that I let some of my own false crosses become a definition of who I was for a long time, yet I learned in the end that what has happened to you isn’t who you are. It is what happened to you. Who you are is shown by your reaction to the situation.

We are much like any tree in our existence,  a tree goes through all types of different weather, but after it all, the tree is still a tree.   It may have lost some branches and may have a few scars on its trunk, but it is still the same tree before, but with more experience. So you are the same person, just a wiser version.  Of course, most of us would like to do without someone deceiving us, lying to us, or just harming us in one way or another.

You are still the same as you.  Forgiveness and releasing was the process for me to stop blaming the storms of life and accept all responsibility for my own decisions. In the end, I am responsible for the choices I have made—nobody else. So I forgive them and thank them for the lesson.

So what Still Needs to Go?

You know if you still have something to forgive if when you think of a person or a situation, there is a burning feeling inside.  It almost feels like a searing sensation that is brought on simply by thought.  Sometimes you can not feel it but then when something comes to you as a surprise that the burn is still there.

 The Universe has a way of presenting you with things you need to work on without looking too hard.  Today I was on LinkedIn, and there was a suggested contact of someone I used to work with.  I quickly experienced this searing sensation but also realized that it was time to let that anger go.

poetry-picnic-wk-19-forgiveness It was inappropriate and almost shocked me that I still have this strong a reaction to someone who was a representation of a negative experience.   I knew it was really time to let it go.

 I took a moment and forgave the entire situation and then let it go. I am not sure I can help with it anymore.  It sounds easy, and it really is, but it is also hard to really do because we tend to cling to our bad situations. They make tremendous excuses for what ails us.

It is a feeling that is difficult to describe; if you truly forgive and no longer blame anyone else for situations and accept them as situations, then there is no longer anger, fear, hate, or frustration.  Those spaces can be filled with other things that are more positive love, acceptance, understanding, and kindness, to name a few.

Letting Go Of  One

This one I have to let go of. I once had a perfect friend I worked closely with for years, and our relationship did not end well.  He perceived things in me that I do not think were true. I feel I was mistreated by him, who was my most trusted and relied upon friend.

 This was a person whom I looked up to and really relied on.  In good times and bad, there was a friend I could count on.  Yet, the last conversation I had with him was devastating.  I was treated to a barrage of forgiveness-card3accusations and hostility.  I wouldn’t mind that so much, but our relationship was different, I thought.  I walked away from that conversation and have never been so hurt in my life.

To hurt me, I am sure, was the intent because he had perceived a hurt.  I was angry for a long time and have let go of this bit by bit over the years, but finally, I had to let it go once and for all.  I allowed a character flaw in another to control the way I feel. I released it. The harsh words, the confrontation, and the negative feelings are all gone and have no power in my life. I forgive him and send love and understanding to him.

I replace the negative with the love for my brother that I have always felt.  There were about a million times I wanted to talk to him and bury the hatchet, mend the fences, but some things are not meant to be, I guess.

In the end, my philosophy can be summed up pretty shortly, that life is a short ride, and to get the most out of life, you have to be able to process and move past the difficult parts to enjoy the rest of the ride and learn and experience what you have the good fortune to experience.  Love is hard to find in a soul that is worried about revenge and payback.

Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of?

Forgive and forget. It may not change the past, but it gives the future a chance.

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.

Forgiving someone is easy, but being able to trust them again is a totally different story.

Remember, when you forgive, you heal, and when you let go, you grow.

Do not let the shadows of your past darken the doorstep of your future. Forgive.

I’ve seen your face before, my friend, but I don’t know if you know who I am.